Feeling that I’m not honest & shocking news about Demi Lovato😒

Hey lovely bloggers πŸ’•,

Right now, I’m on my holiday in Granada and actually wasn’t going to plan a blog post. I’m on holidays and wanted to write after holidays and share my travel post. I will do that when I’m back. Today’s blog post is about the fact that I’m not honest with a friend.

So, everything was great yesterday as we had a big trip of 7 hours in the bus. Today we enjoyed eating great food and we saw some views and the beautiful city Granada. I even made a friend today. I will tell you about it in my next blog post. At 8 o’clock my mother and I went to my friend his house here in Granada. I already got a bit angry when I said fucking and he said don’t curse. I don’t like when someone says that I can’t do something. It’s my life you know. We are friends not lovers. My ex always said to me what I’ve to do and I hated it. He droved us to his house at the beach. Everything was allright by then I guess.

His father and mother said that there are jelly-fish in the sea. My friend said that he got biten once. I really don’t want to experience that. We didn’t go into the sea. We only walked and were just watching the beautiful sea. I was talking about a Spanish singer which lost his cat and that cat died and then he said okay and like he wanted to end the conversation and not talk about anything bad. So I was like okay. Then we talked about something else. Then suddenly he said: “Do you still take that pills”? He meant my antidepressants of course. I didn’t want to answer and said: “Which ones”? Then he said: “Those”. I don’t know why he didn’t said the words. I said: “Yes almost silently”. I felt like crying. He said: “okay” and talked about something else. I also lied about the fact that my sleep schedule is good again. It isn’t. I said we woke up at 10 today but my mother and I woke up at 12 πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ I really sleept well last night in the hotel. I hope to get any sleep tonight but would be difficult. It’s so hot here in the room with my mother and there’s a baby from the neighbours screaming and crying 😑. I don’t want any kids lol every time I hear that. I hear the sounds of the waves, that’s making me peaceful.

You may think I’m 100% honest about suffering from anxiety, being a mental health advocate and taking antidpressants. I’m not. However, I always have been honest with this friend but I think he also don’t want to talk about negative things so I better don’t talk about it. I’m sorry I’m sometimes a negative person even though everybody thinks I’m happy all the time while I’m not. I cry a lot. Anxiety make me feel that way. I know it isn’t good to be honest. After that I felt so bad. I could feel in my heart racing and I could feel my body shaking and crying but I didn’t wanted to cry. I let some tears but I think he didn’t saw it. I turned my eyes all the time and looked to the stars.

I feel guilty for not being honest with a friend that I felt anxiety again and felt like crying. I just couldn’t. That left me feeling worse. I needed to cry so hard but I didn’t want to cry in front of him which I did a few years ago and never have a problem with that. Just sometimes I prefer to cry alone but I also cry easily in front of people. I don’t know why I couldn’t that moment.

It makes me feel so bad that I feel this way as I’m at the beach and have to be happy. I have to be happy?! Is that even normal what I’m saying? I don’t have to be happy all the time when I can’t. It hurts me to feel this way because I’m always happy at the beach but sometimes I also cried at the beach. The sea makes me emotional and sensitive if that makes sense. Maybe, I just need to clean my thoughts and emotions with the salt water. My period is due for friday and always the days before my period I’m always so sensitive and cry about everything and just for no reason. I feel that my tummy is hurting. I really want to swim in the ocean 😒 It’s been a year. I hope I can swim tommorow in the sea and will have to be careful for the jelly-fish of course.

Then we went back to the appartment with his parents and my mother and we ate delicious dinner. Then my friend also said that I had to eat more because I ate to little. Well, I just like to eat what I want. I had enough. I get anxious when someone says that to me. Just leave me alone. Then my mother began to talk after dinner about death and stuff. Yeah, like normal talks about life. I don’t know why that’s wrong. My friend just said okay and went to his room and closed the door. It feels like he can’t talk about hard stuff. I don’t know what it’s. It’s pretty strange.

I don’t know. I just feel that I’m rambling about everything at once. I also feels this way because it hits me hard the news of Demi Lovato. This is what I wrote last night on my Instagram of @seaofwordsblog.

I got in shock when I heard the news tonight that @ddlovato took an overdose and ended in a hospital of Los Angeles 😭 The media said that they found her unconscious and treated her with Naloxone, an anti-overdose medicine, after possibly taking narcotics. This is really so sad news. The good news is that she is alert again, breathing and in a stable condition.

She struggled with addiction of drugs and alcoholism in the past. She battles with bipolar disorder and bulimia. This is often documented in her music. She have helped so many people battling with their own struggles and mental health illnesses. She helped me too with having anxiety. Her lyrics and music is so good. She’s just 25 years old like me. So young. She has a beautiful life ahead. She’s one of my favourite singers ever. I hope to go to a concert once she has recovered. Her music mean so much to me. She’s such a sweet, lovely and such a beautiful person ❀❀❀

I wish Demi really the best. I love the quotes from this collage which I found. This is just so true. Just because someone smiles doesn’t mean they are happy or that they aren’t struggling. Demi Lovato is a famous person and just because she is famous doesn’t have to mean that her life is all perfect. You don’t have to be strong all the time Demi. I know you are so strong but I really do hope you get the help you need. You deserve that so much πŸ’•

Your friends, family and fans will never ever leave you behind. We’re here for you. We love you. We wish that you get well soon. Take all the time you need to recover. I know it will be a hard battle but not impossible. You can do it πŸ’ͺ We are all warriors like your song says ❀

This message is for Demi and for anyone who’s struggling right now in silence. I hope you get the helo you need. Remember, you are not alone. You are loved. We are all in this together πŸ’ͺ❀ We are all lights in the universe even though it may can seem all dark. We will shine into the darkness and find that light again. We will be okay again. Trust me, we will. It will take time but we can get there. I love you all and stay safe πŸ’•

I hope that I can find the light too again. I really want to be honest with others as I’m with myself. I’m so sorry if I can’t be that today. Tomorrow will be another day. If anyone have some advice then it would be helpful. I’m sorry if this blog post got nowhere. I just needed to write this here. Writing is such a beautiful way of healing and processing emotion. I also love to sing and let everything out. I can be okay too and I hope Demi Lovato and all others who are suffering now can be okay too. I just cried in my room and my mother is sleeping and feel a bit better. When I need to cry I have to cry. Letting everything in will only make me feel worse.

Thank you all for reading this messy blog post. I hope you can all understand me. I love you all so much and thank you all for being there for me. This is my outlet for everything that I can’t say out loud but can in writing.

I love you all so much πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•,

xoxo Christina


16 thoughts on “Feeling that I’m not honest & shocking news about Demi Lovato😒

  1. I’m sorry your friend was being weird. I hope that he’s got his own stuff going on that’s triggering him and he’s not just being a jerk.
    And yes, it’s very sad that Demi Lovato is going through such a hard time. Hopefully she’ll be able to get help.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. No he is never been a jerk so I guess he just had his own stuff. No worries 😊 I was also very sensitive because of Demi Lovato news and before my period I’m so sensitive. I hope she get the help she deserves ❀️ She’s one of my fav artists ever.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, so true girl. It’s so important to help everyone. Mental illnesses are so hard t go throug. I love Demi Lovato and I really hope she will recover well ❀️ I had a lovely holiday. You will see a post soon 😊

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  2. I think if it was me, I’d need stronger boundaries. If someone asks me a question, and if to answer would be a painful intrusion, I probably wouldn’t answer. One of my favorite replies in those situations is: “Didn’t I already tell you?” (They answer no.) “Well, it must be none of your fucking business then!!”

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, that’s true. Sometimes you don’t always have to tell everything if you don’t want to. People always want to know everything and not everyone cares. I know my friend cares about me so that’s a different situation

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  3. I’m sorry you’re not feeling your best and I know the Demi Lovato news has hit a lot of hard – it’s very difficult not to project. I really hope you’re doing better soon but for now we’ll all be here to keep you up. You can always reach out on my twitter or Instagram messages if you’d like to talk! I also write letters to anyone having a bad time so feel free to drop your email (if you’re not UK based) or your address (if you are UK based). ((this also applies to anyone reading this comment!). Sending you all my love and strength. Char // https://lunarchar.com/ xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for your lovely comment ❀️ I’m feeling okay again. Before my period I always feel more sensitive and anxious. The news about Demi Lovato was really hard. I love her so much. She’s such a great singer and inspiration. I’m so glad and blessed to have you all in my life. Thank you so much ❀️ What’s your Instagram? I’m in Spain. You can find my email in the contact page of my blog. I would love to email. You are so lovely xoxo ❀️❀️❀️

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  4. I view it differently with the honesty thing – I don’t think anyone is obliged to present the absolutely whole content of their head to anyone. One thing is to lie and another thing is to keep some thoughts to yourself, or be reluctant to discuss something for many reasons. I believe it’s every person’s right to do it, or to talk about some things another time. Sometimes you can be too tired to express yourself, or in a bad mood, or not sure how to phrase it, or sometimes it’s stuff that won’t be important in a few days… πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You are so right. I also agree with you. I’m such a sensitive girl and always feel like guilty if I’m not honest about my feelings or thoughts. Sometimes it’s okay to not tell everyone everything. It feels like you have to tell everything. Sometimes it’s not the right timing to tell.

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