Hey lovely bloggers 💕,
Right now, I’m on my holiday in Granada and actually wasn’t going to plan a blog post. I’m on holidays and wanted to write after holidays and share my travel post. I will do that when I’m back. Today’s blog post is about the fact that I’m not honest with a friend.
So, everything was great yesterday as we had a big trip of 7 hours in the bus. Today we enjoyed eating great food and we saw some views and the beautiful city Granada. I even made a friend today. I will tell you about it in my next blog post. At 8 o’clock my mother and I went to my friend his house here in Granada. I already got a bit angry when I said fucking and he said don’t curse. I don’t like when someone says that I can’t do something. It’s my life you know. We are friends not lovers. My ex always said to me what I’ve to do and I hated it. He droved us to his house at the beach. Everything was allright by then I guess.
His father and mother said that there are jelly-fish in the sea. My friend said that he got biten once. I really don’t want to experience that. We didn’t go into the sea. We only walked and were just watching the beautiful sea. I was talking about a Spanish singer which lost his cat and that cat died and then he said okay and like he wanted to end the conversation and not talk about anything bad. So I was like okay. Then we talked about something else. Then suddenly he said: “Do you still take that pills”? He meant my antidepressants of course. I didn’t want to answer and said: “Which ones”? Then he said: “Those”. I don’t know why he didn’t said the words. I said: “Yes almost silently”. I felt like crying. He said: “okay” and talked about something else. I also lied about the fact that my sleep schedule is good again. It isn’t. I said we woke up at 10 today but my mother and I woke up at 12 😂😂😂 I really sleept well last night in the hotel. I hope to get any sleep tonight but would be difficult. It’s so hot here in the room with my mother and there’s a baby from the neighbours screaming and crying 😡. I don’t want any kids lol every time I hear that. I hear the sounds of the waves, that’s making me peaceful.
You may think I’m 100% honest about suffering from anxiety, being a mental health advocate and taking antidpressants. I’m not. However, I always have been honest with this friend but I think he also don’t want to talk about negative things so I better don’t talk about it. I’m sorry I’m sometimes a negative person even though everybody thinks I’m happy all the time while I’m not. I cry a lot. Anxiety make me feel that way. I know it isn’t good to be honest. After that I felt so bad. I could feel in my heart racing and I could feel my body shaking and crying but I didn’t wanted to cry. I let some tears but I think he didn’t saw it. I turned my eyes all the time and looked to the stars.
I feel guilty for not being honest with a friend that I felt anxiety again and felt like crying. I just couldn’t. That left me feeling worse. I needed to cry so hard but I didn’t want to cry in front of him which I did a few years ago and never have a problem with that. Just sometimes I prefer to cry alone but I also cry easily in front of people. I don’t know why I couldn’t that moment.
It makes me feel so bad that I feel this way as I’m at the beach and have to be happy. I have to be happy?! Is that even normal what I’m saying? I don’t have to be happy all the time when I can’t. It hurts me to feel this way because I’m always happy at the beach but sometimes I also cried at the beach. The sea makes me emotional and sensitive if that makes sense. Maybe, I just need to clean my thoughts and emotions with the salt water. My period is due for friday and always the days before my period I’m always so sensitive and cry about everything and just for no reason. I feel that my tummy is hurting. I really want to swim in the ocean 😢 It’s been a year. I hope I can swim tommorow in the sea and will have to be careful for the jelly-fish of course.
Then we went back to the appartment with his parents and my mother and we ate delicious dinner. Then my friend also said that I had to eat more because I ate to little. Well, I just like to eat what I want. I had enough. I get anxious when someone says that to me. Just leave me alone. Then my mother began to talk after dinner about death and stuff. Yeah, like normal talks about life. I don’t know why that’s wrong. My friend just said okay and went to his room and closed the door. It feels like he can’t talk about hard stuff. I don’t know what it’s. It’s pretty strange.
I don’t know. I just feel that I’m rambling about everything at once. I also feels this way because it hits me hard the news of Demi Lovato. This is what I wrote last night on my Instagram of @seaofwordsblog.
I got in shock when I heard the news tonight that @ddlovato took an overdose and ended in a hospital of Los Angeles 😭 The media said that they found her unconscious and treated her with Naloxone, an anti-overdose medicine, after possibly taking narcotics. This is really so sad news. The good news is that she is alert again, breathing and in a stable condition.
She struggled with addiction of drugs and alcoholism in the past. She battles with bipolar disorder and bulimia. This is often documented in her music. She have helped so many people battling with their own struggles and mental health illnesses. She helped me too with having anxiety. Her lyrics and music is so good. She’s just 25 years old like me. So young. She has a beautiful life ahead. She’s one of my favourite singers ever. I hope to go to a concert once she has recovered. Her music mean so much to me. She’s such a sweet, lovely and such a beautiful person ❤❤❤
I wish Demi really the best. I love the quotes from this collage which I found. This is just so true. Just because someone smiles doesn’t mean they are happy or that they aren’t struggling. Demi Lovato is a famous person and just because she is famous doesn’t have to mean that her life is all perfect. You don’t have to be strong all the time Demi. I know you are so strong but I really do hope you get the help you need. You deserve that so much 💕
Your friends, family and fans will never ever leave you behind. We’re here for you. We love you. We wish that you get well soon. Take all the time you need to recover. I know it will be a hard battle but not impossible. You can do it 💪 We are all warriors like your song says ❤
This message is for Demi and for anyone who’s struggling right now in silence. I hope you get the helo you need. Remember, you are not alone. You are loved. We are all in this together 💪❤ We are all lights in the universe even though it may can seem all dark. We will shine into the darkness and find that light again. We will be okay again. Trust me, we will. It will take time but we can get there. I love you all and stay safe 💕
I hope that I can find the light too again. I really want to be honest with others as I’m with myself. I’m so sorry if I can’t be that today. Tomorrow will be another day. If anyone have some advice then it would be helpful. I’m sorry if this blog post got nowhere. I just needed to write this here. Writing is such a beautiful way of healing and processing emotion. I also love to sing and let everything out. I can be okay too and I hope Demi Lovato and all others who are suffering now can be okay too. I just cried in my room and my mother is sleeping and feel a bit better. When I need to cry I have to cry. Letting everything in will only make me feel worse.
Thank you all for reading this messy blog post. I hope you can all understand me. I love you all so much and thank you all for being there for me. This is my outlet for everything that I can’t say out loud but can in writing.
I love you all so much 💕💕💕,