November book reviews πŸ“–πŸ’•

Hey lovelies πŸ’•,

This will be a new theme in my blog posts which I’m happy about it. This will be my first book review post. I’m really excited about writing about books πŸ˜πŸ“– I’m into reading again and I love it. Every time I read I feel so happy and just feel as I’m in another world, my dream world. I know many of you know what I mean. I just read three amazing books these months which are: “Am I normal yet” by Holly Bourne, “The alchemist” by Paulo Coelho and “The sun and her flowers” by Rupi Kaur. I will make a review about them and rate them with stars. I will try to not have any spoilers in my reviews haha. I just wrote a little summary about what the book is about and if I liked it or not.

Am I Normal Yet – Holly Bourne

Summary:

This book is about Evie who is the main character in this book. She’s a 16 years old girl who has OCD and Generalised Anxiety Disorder. She’s going to college for the first time in her life. She had a tough time and not that she’s almost off her medication and feeling better she just want to be act and live as a normal girl. She don’t want anyone to know that she has these mental illnesses. She just wants to be normal and go to college, have fun and get a boyfriend. At college she find her two best friends which are Lottie and Amber. Together they make The Spinster Club. In these meetings they meet each other and talk about feminism πŸ‘­πŸ’œ. This is the first book of The Spinster Club book series from Holly Bourne.

My review:

I really loved this book so much. It was an easy book to read. I love Young Adult books so much. Holly Bourne is an amazing writer who writes about feminism and mental health in such a honest, vulnerable and raw way. The writing style is also funny and just feels so real. I really love that so much. When I’m reading the thoughts and feelings of Evie I can really understand it as I also suffer from anxiety. This is an amazing book about friendships, mental health and feminism. These three themes are really important and close to my heart. I also consider myself a feminist by heart. This book is realistic and was so beautiful to read. Now, I also know more how someone with OCD thinks and feels. I didn’t know that much about this mental illness. It’s more than just washing hands. It’s about rituals, being afraid of getting sick all the time and so much more. I encourage anyone to read this amazing book. You will not regret it.

Stars: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

I give this book 5 stars because it’s just a beautiful and easy book to read. The moment you began reading you are already in the story which I love. I also love books about feminism and mental health. I can’t wait to read the other books from this serie written by Holly Bourne about the Spinster Club.

The Alchemist – Paulo Coelho

Summary:

The book is about a young boy who’s called Santiago. He is a Spanish shepherd with sheeps and lives in the South of Spain, in Andalucia. He dreamt twice that he was in Egypt by the pyramids where he had to find a treasure. Santiago wants to travel the world to find out how the world works. Santiago travels from him homeland in Spain to the Egyptian desert in search of a treasure buried in the Pyramids. Along the way he meets a Gypsy woman, a man who calls himself king, and an alchemist. The alchemist knows all the secrets of the world. No one knows what the treasure is, or if Santiago will be able to surmount the obstacles along the way. It’s a very long way.

My review:

This book was so beautiful. This book is all about finding your soul in this world and knowing what your purpose is in life. It makes me think of following your dreams in life. It’s a really touching story which makes you think of everything. We all have dreams in life and we have to make them come true. When you have a dream in your life the whole universe will make it come true. This book makes me also think of how important it is to listen to our hearts because they never lie. Always listen to your heart and let your life be guide by your heart β€οΈπŸ™. Your heart always know which direction to go in life.

Stars: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

I give this book 5 stars because it was such an amazing book to read. I love Paulo Coelho and I really would love to read more books of him. It’s also an easy book to read. This book made me think of my life and my dreams. This book made me feel inspired, positive and happy to follow all my dreams in life and to make them true. It’s all about living your best life according to your values.

The Sun and Her Flowers – Rupi Kaur

Summary:

This is a poetry book. Her first book was “Milk and Honey”. I still need to buy and read that book. This is her second book and it’s a collection of her poetry. The pages are illustrated by Rupi Kaur. The Sun and Her flowers is a poetry book devided into five chapters. It’s a journey of wilting, falling, rooting, rising & blooming. It’s a celebration of love in all its forms πŸŽ‰πŸ’•.

My review:

Aaaah this poetry book was so good! Just wow. Every poem I’ve read and every drawing I saw was just so beautiful. I could feel the words in my head and understand the emotions and thoughts. Her poetry is just so amazing. It was also easy to read. I love poetry but I don’t like to read really difficult poems that I don’t understand. These poems were really easy to understand and were all so amazing. Her poetry is so honest, real and pure 😍. She can also draw so beautifully. They pictured very well the poem on the page.

Stars: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

I also give this book 5 stars because it’s an amazing book full of beautiful poems and drawings. Rupi Kaur is an amazing writer. Her poems are easy to understand, so raw and so honest. I really love her so much and I can’t wait to read the first book of her “Milk and Honey”. Hopefully, I will be able to meet her one day too. I hope that she will come to Europe for a poetry show.

Thank you all for reading my first book review post. I hope you all liked this blog post. Maybe, I will write more of them ☺️. I wil keep reading good books haha. Did anyone of you read any of these books? Which one was your favourite and why? Do you also love reading as much as I do? Let me know in the comments. I would love to know your thoughts. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

Much love πŸ’•,

xoxo Christina

Conversations & having fun with my 3 year old niece πŸ’•πŸ‘§

Hey lovelies πŸ’•,

Today I will write a different blog post because I think it’s really fun to share. I hope you all will like it πŸ˜„. I will share some funny conversations I had with my niece and how much I love being an aunt. It’s so much fun and you learn so much from children. My brother Edward lives with his wife Elke and Noanne in the south of The Netherlands. They live near to Eindhoven. I don’t see them that often because they live far away from us like two hours by car/train. I was also living in Spain for a long time. Now that I’m back for a time in The Netherlands I see them more often. I really love that.

Two weeks ago my niece and brother came to our house in Haarlem. They came at 10.30 in the mornings and I had to wake up early πŸ˜‚ I slept only 6 hours that day so I was really tired. It was so nice to see them again. I took some nice pictures of Noanne with me in my room but I can’t share them online because my brother and his wife don’t want that. Of course I respect their privacy even though I really would like to share them…. maybe in the future who knows.

The last time I saw my niece and brother was on the wedding of my brother Rafael in August in Spain. It was nice to spend time with each other again. She’s now 3 years old and she can already talk a bit. We went upstairs to my room. I was afraid that she would fall from the stairs but she could climb the stairs upstairs alone. She said to me: “I’m a big girl, I can do it alone.” When we were upstairs in my room she felt like she was on a fair 🎑🎒🎠 I have so many stuffed animals, colours and things in my room hahaha πŸ˜‚ She was really happy to be in my room.

She began to analyse and look to my things and pick some stuff from my room. Then she looked on my floor where I had my antidepressants lying on the floor next to some books. She looked to my medication and said to me: “What’s that?” I was like uuuuhhh πŸ˜… Do I have to explain it or just stay silence? I stayed silence and let it be. Maybe, one day I will explain it when she gets older. I don’t think she will understand it anyway because she’s so little.

She’s just so curious about everything. I think it’s really important in a child to be curious of the world, ask questions so you get to know how things work. I still feel curious about so many things and would love to ask questions but then I get scared because of judgment. Then out of the blue she said and looked to my bedside table: “Why do you have a snow ball on your bedside table?” I felt confused and thought I began to go crazy πŸ˜‚ I didn’t know what she meant but I guess she meant the fluffed snowman which had a little book. I had to read the little story for her. We had a nice time with the family.

Last Saturday my mother and I went to Eindhoven, which is a city in The South of The Netherlands. I really love this region so much. It’s called Brabant. We went to the light festival Glow which is every year. Maybe I will post another blog post with some videos and pictures of this event. When we arrived at the station of Eindhoven we met my brother and Noanne. As we were sitting in the car suddenly Noanne said: “When we are older we die.” I was like wow is it normal to talk about these things when you are only three years old?! 😱 My brother and Elke talk about everything with her. We went to the house of my brother in Geldrop. We also ate there during the evening.

I remember that I went to the toilet to do my make up and brush my hair to be ready to go to the light festival. Noanne was talking to me while I was in the toilet haha πŸ˜‚. I opened the door and she said: “What are you doing?” I said that I was doing my make up. Then she said: “Do you do that every day?” I said that I don’t do it everyday. I was brushing my hair and did all my hair for my eyes so that you couldn’t see me. Noanne then said: “You are hiding” and “Beautiful brown hair.” Then she said that I’m a monkey hahah πŸ˜‚ She’s so crazy πŸ’• I love it. I said that I have clits in my hair and then she said that she also has that and that it hurts.

I love that she always says that I’m really sweet. She’s such an adorable child πŸ’– Her favourite colour is black hahah which is really rare. She loves to colour and is such a crazy lovely child. She laughs a lot and is always happy. I wish I was a child again. It’s so great to be so little and be innocent. When we were leaving she grabbed me and I felt down on the ground and then she said: “I want to stay with you.” Then she did such her mouth in the form of a kiss and said that she also want lipstick. She’s just so cute. I really love her so much.

If only she could stay this young forever. When I look in her eyes and see the way she acts I feel happy. When you are that young you are just going with the flow in life and don’t know the dangers of the world. Everything is nice and funny. I really wish I could go back to that time again because I was such a happy child. It was in my teenage years that I begin to feel bad because of anxiety, being bullied and having my first heart break. Sometimes I really wish we could be able to travel back in time and relive those moments of true happiness again. Hopefully, I will live such moments again in my life. I’m sure that that time will come too.

Noanne makes me feel happy and and makes me think of how simple life is. Adults complicate life so much when real happiness is so simple like a laugh, being crazy and enjoying the little things in life. We are never growing up like Peter Pan. We always have child in us and we have to play with our inner child every day. On the 1th of December we are celebrating Sinterklaas with the whole family so we will be back in Brabant. I can’t wait to see them all again and get presents. I love that time of the year so much.

Thank you all for reading. I hope you all liked this blog post about conversations with my little niece Noanne. Do you also have these kind of conversations with your niece/nephew? Do you also love the joy and innocence of children? Do you also wish to go back in time and be a child again? Let me know in the comments. I would love to know your thoughts.

Much love πŸ’•,

xoxo Christina

The night that music made me cry and think of the world πŸŒ

Hey lovelies πŸ’•,

For I begin with this post I have to say that I don’t like when they change things like they did on WordPress. I don’t understand this new system of layout blocks that much. It always takes me a lot of time to get used to these new systems…arghh technology. I always used to justify my text for my blog post because I find that more beautiful but now I can’t do that anymore. Does anyone know a solution for this? I don’t want to pay WordPress bussiness to just get a plugin for this. I also tried some key short cuts but it didn’t work out. If anyone else has this problem or know a solution I would be forever grateful. Today’s blog post will about last Saturday evening where I just couldn’t stop crying 😒. Sometimes I have those nights. I cried so much that evening and here I’m going to explain what was going on that evening. Crying is good for you and your body. Sometimes we just have to let it all go in order to move on in life and feel better. When you cry, you release emotions and tension which is build up in your body. I will always be such an emotional person. It’s just who I’m and part of me. This post will be a post full of my thoughts and emotions during that night.

It was Saturday evening. I just ate dinner with my parents. After dinner we watched “Kinderen voor kinderen” which is a Dutch children’s choir maintained by public broadcaster VARA. The translation would be “Children for children.” Every year they record a cd and sing these songs during a live show on Dutch tv. I loved the songs more in the past because it made me feel more but I still love it so much. Music is life 🎢. I will never be too old for any type of music. This will be always be part of my childhood.

Here’s one of the popular songs which was also in the charts years ago. I love the clothes and the old school microphone hahah.

Kinderen voor kinderen – Op een onbewoond eiland
(They sing about how they want to live on a island where nobody lives and where every day is a happy day 🌴🌞)

The kids sing about war, high school problems, death, anxiety, being bullied, love, broken heart, family, travelling, injustice, saving the planet, feeling lonely and just everything. They sing such great songs with touching themes. I love it so much and all these beautiful songs will be forever remembered. I felt so much nostalgia when I saw this show that day. I see this liveshow almost every year. I grew up listening to all those amazing songs. In the newest cd they sang some beautiful songs about how important it’s to save our planet, save the bees and tigers. They also sang an amazing song about being bullied. I had to cry so much but I didn’t do it with my parents. I  prefered to cry on my own upstairs.

I went upstairs and began listening to other songs from years ago. I didn’t heard some beautiful songs yet and wow damn I felt two songs so deeply. I just couldn’t stop crying 😭. I felt so emotional. It was also maybe because I only slept 6 hours that night. There were two songs which really broke my heart. They were so beautiful that I began to think, cry, replay them and sing them. They sang one song “Waarom moet ik gaan” (Why do I have to leave) which was about a girl who’s refugee and came to the Netherlands 6 years ago. She asked herself the question why she has to go back to her country where there’s war. The Netherlands is sending her back. They also sang about how they don’t understand the law. Just writing about it now makes me again tear up. Since I’m also reading The sun and her flowers from Rupi Kaur I’m thinking a lot more about this subject. Here poems are beautiful and the poems in the part of rooting are just wow so beautiful. One of my good friends is also a refugee and came from Iraq to The Netherlands. Her story is so sad and heartbreaking.

When I was listening to this song from the Dutch choir I couldn’t stop crying. The lyrics was beautiful. The melody was amazing. The story was so sad. I also don’t understand why countries have to send refugees back when there’s war in their country. If there would be a war here or in Spain, I also would want to go away from the country where there’s war and be safe. I really hope to one day be able to help this people and maybe work in a organisation that helps refugees. I can’t deal with this feeling of hopeless. I want to be able to heal this world and make this world a better place to live in. Here you can listen to this song. It’s in Dutch but music has no language, right?! The kids are so cuteee 😍.

Kinderen voor kinderen – Waarom moet ik gaan
(Why do I have to leave, a beautiful and touching song about a girl who’s refugee and has to leave The Netherlands after 6 years)

Then there was another song which also made me tear up which was called “Leef met elkaar” (Live with each other). It was about bullying. I love that they sing often about this subject because it’s so important to raise awareness about it. This song was about how important it’s to end bullying. They sing about how kids bully each other and how much it hurts. The child feels lonely and is suffering. She is afraid to go to school because they run after her. She’s a bit smaller than the rest and she doesn’t understand why she get bullied. They also sing about how amazing the world is with all their differences in colours, flowers, seasons and animals. Humans destroy it because they are bullying each other which I agree with so much. We are all unique so we have to live with each other,  love each other and be there for each other ❀.

This was exactly how I felt when I got being bullied in my teenage years. I was so afraid of going to school. I was afraid to feel lonely again at school and hear the bullies laughing about me. It made me feel so insecure. Sometimes I still feel that I can’t let this past so easily go because it still hurts me so much. It also shaped me into the person I’m now. A big influence of having anxiety and low self esteem is because I’ve been bullied. As I was listening to this song I also felt hope in my heart. I truly believe that we are all unique and that we have to embrace our differences. This world is beautiful because of all the different nationalities, races, colour, sexualities, just everything. We are all unique human beings. If everyone would be the same this world would be pretty boring. I love the diversity but also would love that everyone would be treated as equal. It’s still not the case in this world but hopefully in the future it will.

Here below you can hear the song. It’s such a beautiful song.

Kinderen voor kinderen – Leef met elkaar
(Live with each other, a beautiful song about how much bullying hurts and that we have to love each other)

Sometimes all you need is a good cry. I truly believe that the way to heal ourselves is to feel every emotion. Let’s not run away from our feelings. I continued crying in the living room with my mother by my side. She always understands me so well. Sometimes you just have to let everything out to clean yourself. I just have always had a hard time dealing with the injustice in this world. Being a highly sensitive person makes me feel everything so deeply that I just can’t move on easily from it. I always have the thought that I could do more in this world in order to make a real change. Hopefully, I will get a career that fits my personality and can make a real change for this world. I believe that I’m alive to help each other and be inspired by everyone on this planet. Together we will make this world a better place πŸ™πŸŒ Just take little steps forward. “Be the change you want to see in the world” as Gandhi says.

Thank you all for reading this post. I hope you can all understand me. Did you like the songs? Can you relate to my thoughts and emotions? Do you also sometimes tear up listening to touching songs which make you think of this world? I would love to know your thoughts on this. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

Much love πŸ’•,

xoxo Christina

November goals 🍁

Hey lovelies πŸ’•,

Today I will introduce something new on my blog. Maybe I will do these kinds of blog posts every month. I’m never organised in my life so also not on my blog. My zodiac sign is gemini so I always get easily bored πŸ˜‚.We will see if I will make this blog post an every month thing haha. I saw many bloggers making these kind of lists so it inspired me to do one too. Today I will write about my November goals and explain them. Hopefully, this will also motivate me to keep going and to achieve them. I have always loved to make lists. It keeps my mind a little bit organised in all the messy thoughts.

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  • Make a lot of amazing blog posts

I have some drafts and also ideas in my head of writing great content for my blog. I just need to get started, write, create and post. I’m planning to do a book review post for the first time of some amazing books I just read. I also am thinking to share some singing covers and plan to share other amazing things for Christmas.

  • Make a wish list for Sinterklaas/Christmas/Three Kings Day

In The Netherlands we celebrate Sinterklaas on the 5th of December. We always celebrate it on the weekend. They say Sinterklaas came from Spain to The Netherlands on a boat to give the children presents. We have some bags of Sinterklaas where we put all the presents inside and then on that day we unwrap the presents. I really love this festive so much. In Spain we have Three Kings Day which is on the 6th of January. They also give presents to the kids. Of course, I also have Santa Claus so yeah three times that I’m getting presents haha yessss 🎁. I always make a wish list of two pages almost  and I use it all year around so also for my birthday. I want to finish it this month and give it to my family so that they know which presents I want.

I made these pictures this week at the shopping mall in Haarlem near to my house. You can see Sinterklaas. They always decorate it for December.

  • Keep applying for jobs

I applied for a job in Spain but unfortunately they aren’t looking for people right now. They said that the will save my CV and get back to me when they have a job for me. I also applied for working for the surf brand O’Neill in Madrid, in Spain but I didn’t got any response back. It will take some time. I also applied for a job here in Holland to work in a surf shop but I also didn’t got any response back. Even though working makes me trigger my anxiety I will keep looking for jobs in Spain. I will just keep applying and search on websites which would help me. Maybe, I could also apply for part time jobs here in Holland for the period before Christmas. I just wish my father won’t push me and leave me alone because it only makes the search of looking for work much worse.

  • Ask for help when I need it

Lately I’ve been feeling very lonely and also struggle much more with my anxiety  because of the anxiety about finding a job. Even though I still take my antidepressants and anti anxiety medication when I need it, I still feel that maybe it isn’t enough. Maybe, I really need to go to therapy to get better. I would prefer to do it in Spain because I also got subscriped for my medication there. I don’t know what to do and I also don’t know if therapy would really help me. Two years ago I had 7 sessions in Holland but it wasn’t real therapy. I had to vomit every time I had to go and it even made my anxiety worse…. I just need to ask for help when I need it. I feel that I’m isolating myself and not asking for what I really need. Even though maybe not everyone will agree with my decicions I need to do what’s good for me and my health.

  • Finish the book The sun and her flowers from Rupi Kaur

I have to finish reading this amazing book this month. This is also going to be one of the books which I’m writing about in my first book review post. I can already say that I love this book so much. I love poetry books. Rupi Kaur is just such an amazing writer 😍

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  • Have a friends reunion in a tapas restaurant in Haarlem

I already saw my best friend twice since I’m back in Holland and my other good friend Shams also twice as she stayed at my home last week. There are still some good friends I didn’t see so I’m planning a great night with my friends on the 24th of November. We are going to eat in the same tapas restaurant where we went last year. The tapas are more expensive than in Spain but are also so delicious. The restaurant is called El Pincho. The service is perfect and it’s really cozy inside. I can’t wait to eat there with my friends and have an amazing night all together.

  • Go to Glow Eindhoven with my mother and see my brother, his wife and my niece

Glow Eindhoven is a light festival which begins on the 10th of November and ends on the 17th of November. Whenever I’m in Holland I always go with my mother. I really love it so much. All these buildings are covered with lights and there are light shows. It’s just really so amazing to see. I hope that I will go this year again in the weekend of 16th November. I also can’t wait to see my brother Edward, Elke and their little girl Noanne. I’m happy to annouce that Edward and Noanne are coming also this Saturday to our home. I’m really looking forward to it. I didn’t see them since the wedding of Rafael and VerΓ³nica in Spain which was in August. If I go to the light festival then I will of course take a lot of pictures and maybe share them in a blog post.

These are some pictures from Glow Eindhoven a few years ago. I made the picture on the right. It’s just beautiful to see all the lights and the light show projected on different buildings in Eindhoven such as on the church.

  • Begin with writing Christmas cards

I always send and give a lot of Christmas cards. Some years I made more than 50 and send them all over the world to people which I know. This year I’m writing much less just 29 haha. I already made the list. Last year I also got only 15 cards back so I will only write this year to good friends and to my family. I don’t want to do that much effort to get nothing back you know. I also love to receive Christmas cards. Sometimes I make them myself but now I already bought many Christmas cards. I bought some nice washi tape, a lot of stickers and pens. I will show it to you all soon in a blog post. I want to begin this month already with writing them so that they will arrive on time and that I can be done with it because it takes a lot of work. I really love to make it personal πŸ’ŒπŸŽ„.

  • Meet a new friend from the Yoga Girl Community on Facebook

I made some friends of the Yoga Girl Community on Facebook. One girl is really nice and we are hopefully going to meet up this month. I find it nice to meet people who are openminded, caring and understand me. It’s nice to find new friends to hang out with and have fun with. It’s also lovely that at the same time you can share your fears, struggles and insecurities too.

  • Opening up to people I know

Last weekend I went to my neighbours with my good friend Shams and my parents and I really love them so much. I used to go alone sometimes too to talk with them. I talked a lot with the women because she just understands me so well. She’s also a highly sensitive person and also understands my anxiety disorder and everything. She already said that I’m welcome to come to chat again with her. Maybe, I’m going again this month to open up about my struggles. I’m just anxious always because I feel like I’m going to cry but it’s okay. It’s okay to not be okay.

I also need to go to my choir once on a Friday after my choir is done with choir practice. There’s this lovely man which I have contact with and always is there for me. His daughter from 5 years old has neuroblastoma cancer and is fortunately doing a lot better now but isn’t officially cancer free. I always talked a lot about my life, fears, anxiety and just everything with him. The last time I saw him was during the cremation of Lisa. Then he wrote me a message on Facebook that he would loved to talk more with me. I really have to go once and open up.

Opening up still feels soooo hard for me. You all may think I’m open but yeah on the internet I’m that open person but in real life I have a hard time to open up. Of course, find it a bit easier to open up to people I know than to complete strangers. Also not everyone has to know your story. Just the people you know they will care about you. I think these talks will do me good and also make me feel a bit better. It’s good to know that there are people who care about you and love you.

So, these were all my goals for November. I hope to achieve them all of course πŸ˜„. Can you relate to this list? What are your November goals? Let me know in the comments. I wish you all a happy November full of happiness, love and luck. Together we will motivate each other to achieve our November goals πŸ’ͺ.

Much love πŸ’•,

xoxo Christina

Feeling lonely and the love of communities πŸ’•

Hola sweeties πŸ’•,

In this blog post I will write about feeling lonely which I’m feeling for a long time right now. I’m feeling this feeling even stronger here in The Netherlands. I also felt this feeling in Spain but much less. I’m going to talk about feeling lonely and about the differences of living in Spain or The Netherlands. Loneliness is a feeling that many people will not want to admit. Everybody can feel lonely in life. I think it’s important to write about it because I often feel in life that not many people want to talk about it or they feel ashamed to feel this way. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. Those are your feelings and you have every right to feel them.

I know why I feel this feeling stronger here in The Netherlands than in Spain. A big reason is that in Spain I have a group of friends where I hang out with mostly in the weekends. We eat tapas together, have a fiesta or just meet each other and talk. I also have good friends here in The Netherlands but it seems like everyone is busy living their lives. My friends in Spain also have their lives but the Spanish people in general are more social and it’s easier to meet new people. In Spain people make time to see each other and also make time to eat with friends and family. Since I’m back in Holland I only saw one time my best friend, another day my other good friend and another day another good friend. I’m already a month here. For the rest, I only go out with my mother. So, basically I’m only with my parents. I’m happy that I bought concert tickets last weekend to go to the concert of Vance joy this friday in Paradiso Amsterdam. I can’t wait to hear the song Riptide live 😍. I’m going with my best friend and I can’t wait to enjoy a concert together again. It’s been such a long time since I went to concerts here in Holland. Music is life πŸŽΆπŸ’•.

I’m not only feeling lonely because I don’t see a lot of friends here in The Netherlands. I’m also feeling lonely because I don’t see my family that often. I don’t see my brothers that often and also not my little niece from three years. I miss my family so much. As you know I have two older brothers. Rafael has just married with his Spanish wife VerΓ³nica in August. They live like 15 minutes away from us by bike. I saw them only twice in a month. One time with the wedding party in Haarlem and the other time at the beach for a short time. Fortunately, they are both coming to eat in two weeks at our home. My other brother Edward lives with his wife Elke and their cute little girl Noanne 2 hours away from us by car in the south of The Netherlands. They are always busy with their jobs and also have their own company of wedding photography. We are all still waiting for the pictures of the wedding of Rafael. I saw them once last year only with Christmas because I was in Spain all the time. This year I have also only see them once with the wedding in Spain. Hopefully, I will see them next month with the light festival Glow in Eindhoven with my mother. Glow is such a beautiful event. All the buildings and the church are with lights. It’s beautiful to see. I will make pictures and videos and maybe let you all see what I mean πŸ’‘.

This feeling of loneliness is pretty normal for me and especially living in the Netherlands. You all know by now that I love Spain more than The Netherlands. I love both countries but I just feel more Spanish in the way I’m. I feel more at home in Spain. In Spain family is number one and also friends are really important. They always make time to see each other no matter how busy their lives are. What I also love in Spain is that a friend can just text me or call me and say hey do you want to go to eat some tapas tonight? Of course, I say yes and then we will go out. Here in The Netherlands you always have to plan when you are going to meet each other and it’s difficult to make a plan because the people are telling you all the time I’m so busy omg I’m so busy. I really dislike that sentence so much. Of course, there are a lot of things to do in life but I think you really have to make time to also see your loved ones if that’s important for you.

There’s such a big difference in culture between Spain and The Netherlands. Spain has a collectivist culture and The Netherlands is an individualistic country. In Spain when I meet my friends sometimes more friends will join and it’s all spontaneous whereas here people are looking to their agendas to find a day when they can all meet. People here just like to live their lives alone. I can feel this feeling of loneliness much more here than in Spain. Whenever I have a problem people are more likely to help me in Spain than here. In Spain there’s a high rate of unemployment but still families help each other and find a way out. I really admire their strength and positivity.

Even though I go out almost every day with my mother I’m still feeling lonely. I went twice to the beach last month, drove on my bike and had walks in the park near to my house. I know another big factor of my loneliness is that I don’t study anymore. I’m searching for jobs in Spain and also applied for some jobs. One was about promoting the brand Holland in Madrid and another one was working in the surf shop O’Neill in Madrid. I hope they will answer me soon. I also applied for a job vacancy to work in a surf shop here in Holland. Maybe, I can do that these months to earn some money before I go to Spain in December. I really want to make a living there. When I studied in college I hang out with my classmates and it was all fun. Now, I feel lost in life. I guess my anxiety disorder also makes me feel lonely. I always feel alone in my feelings and thoughts. I’m so happy to have found this blogging community and also my mental health community on my blog and on Instagram. You are all so kind and so amazing. I’m also into reading again and want to write more awesome new content like book reviews on my blog.

Last month I also entered a new community which is the Yoga Girl community on Facebook. I will still write a blog post about her because I have a lot to say about her and she’s just my biggest inspiration in life. I will just keep it short now. Yoga Girl is a famous international yoga teacher and has her own studio Island Yoga in Aruba. She is married with Dennis Schoneveld and has a lovely child called Lea Luna. This community makes me also feel less alone. There are now 12000 people in this group. Everyone is sharing their lifes stories. I read a lot of stories about death, self love, mental illnesses such as anxiety, ocd, depression or anything else, trauma, abuse, yoga, following your dreams and so much more. Everyone is openly sharing. We are all looking for acceptance and understanding in life and that’s what I found in this group. Some people give advice and others are just there for you. Sometimes the best advice you can give to someone is to be there for them. I cried of happiness while reading these amazing stories. I’m so happy to be part of this beautiful community πŸŒΈπŸ™.

I’ve always felt that the world is a scary place and awful things happen but maybe those thoughts are also caused by my anxiety disorder. I just always felt like I can’t be myself and have to change myself so that people will like me. I’ve been bullied during my high school years which I also shared on this blog and that made me cause low self esteeem. Every day I’m learning more about myself. I’m learning to really love myself. I’m a highly sensitive person and I feel every emotion. I suffer more but also feel more. I’m just so happy to have found my blogging community, yoga girl community and mental health community online. These communites are so amazing. It reminds me that even though in my past and in this world there are bad people there are also so many good people. You just have to find the right people which is your tribe. Those people will always be there for you no matter whatπŸ’•. Communities are there to make people feel less alone and lonely, to share and be honest with each other.

The support I see in all these communities with each other and which I also receive are just from another planet 🌍. I wish to meet many of you because you seem all so lovely, understanding and caring. The worlds needs more people like you all ❀. I often feel that there are so many people who don’t show their real feelings in life. It feels like it’s better to not feel at all in life. I disagree with that because feeling all those emotions bad or good like anger, happiness, loneliness, sadness is so important. I made the best friends and connections online and in real life with people who are real, honest and can be vulnerable with each other. We have to feel it all in order to let things go in life.

I already made many new friends on Facebook from the Yoga Girl community. Now, I feel less alone. Some of them are Dutch and living in Amsterdam or Leiden so I’m going to meet some of them. I’m just so in need of new friends too because it feels amazing to be able to have deep talks, do yoga and just be surrounded by authentic people. I just wanted to say that even though I never met any of you I know our paths will cross and that this community will heal us all. One of my biggest dreams in life is to go on a Yoga Retreat in Island Yoga and meet Rachel and all those amazing people. Always remember, you are loved. You are enough and you are all so beautiful. You are never alone πŸ’•.

I hope you all liked this blog post. Do you also feel lonely sometimes? What do you do when you feel lonely? Do you also love to be part of a community? It always makes me feel less alone so I encourage anyone to join a community online whether it will be online or in real life. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

Love, peace & happiness to you all ❀

xoxo Christina