Merry Christmas to you all! πŸŽ…πŸŽ„πŸ’•βœ¨πŸŽ‰

Hey lovely bloggers πŸ’•,

Merry Christmas to you all. Thank you for always holding space for me. You are all beautiful people. I wish you all happiness, luck and love this Christmas πŸŽ„πŸ’–βœ¨πŸŒŸ.

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Today I want to talk about how I celebrated Christmas this year. Unfortunately, I’m having a cold. My noise is running. My throat hurts. I took some paracetamol and tea. Hopefully, this will help me. I’m also going to have my period in a few days and I’m going to travel this Thursday the 27th to Spain. It’s always with Christmas that I get sick and also always with travelling I get my period. I hate that so much 😭 I just accepted that it’s okay to feel this way also on Christmas. Not everything has to be perfect.

So my brothers, their wifes and my niece came in the afternoon the 24th. We celebrated Christmas Eve with them and my parents at our home. I always put my Santa Claus πŸŽ… dress on just to take some pictures haha. Before dinner we unwrapped all our presents. I got a star and a heart to put in the Christmas tree πŸŽ„πŸŒŸ. For my niece I bought a purple unicorn and my brother bought a mermaid for her. I loved it haha. I just want to be a mermaid and live in the sea and be happy and free 🌊. My parents got a beautiful photography book of pictures of the wedding of my brother.

Afterwards, we all ate dinner. I felt sometimes stressed because my niece was acting bad. She didn’t want to listen all the time. Maybe she was just tired but her mother, the wife of my brother was angry at her. I know she’s right but the situation was pretty stressful. My niece was crying sometimes. Dinner was so delicious 😍 We ate potatoes with different sauces, a piece of meat, salad and stewed pears made by my lovely mother. As dessert we had delicious vanilla ice cream, fruits and the best thing: blackberry juice made by daddy πŸ’•. We all loved it. Noanne said mmmm love it. After eating ice cream she always goes wild so she ran through the house so cray cray πŸ˜‚ Then she got on the bank and was covered with blankets, pluches and got tired.

After dinner we drank some tea and then my brother, his wife and my niece left our home. We stayed talking a bit until 9.30 pm to go to the cathedral where I used to sing in the choir. My brother, his Spanish wife and my mother went to the Midnight Mass. I always find it important to go to church on Christmas Eve and pray. Christmas is about giving love to others and being there for others. I could feel myself being anxious so I took a medication to make sure I wouldn’t get more anxious. Going to see my choir always brings me so much memories. I told myself it’s okay to take medication to be calm and when I need it.

We arrived pretty early at the cathedral. We went to our seats. We could see the choir and we were not seated in the middle with all people. For me and also for my mother’s it’s perfect because we don’t like to sit with many people. My mother and I went to the toilets. They were all restaurated. There were 6 toilets for men and also for women. All clean and it looked beautiful.

The first person I saw was a girl which used to sing in my choir. She’s really nice and ask me how I was doing and since when I was in The Netherlands. I said that I was here since the end of September and that I was looking for a job in Spain. We talked a bit. She said that it was really nice to see me. It’s nice when someone says that to me 😊. Then I saw the sister of Lisa who died just three months ago. I already wrote about her so much on my blog. She gave me a strong hug which I loved. She asked me how I was doing and then I said well mmm. I asked her the same and we talked a bit. She told me I can always come with her one day to the choir to talk with them. It’s nice that she said that to me. I gave her another hug and said that she’s so sweet. She also told me that I have been such a strong support for their family. After talking to her I could already feel tears in my eyes. This story just touched me so much. I also have to say that the way she gave me those hugs were so warm and I really needed those hugs. We all need hugs & more love in this world ❀️. You never know what someone’s going through.

Then I went back to my seat and enjoyed the Midnight Mass. My choir sang so beautiful. It’s like angels are singing πŸ˜‡πŸŽΆ. It began at 10.30 pm and ended at 00.00. I was so happy that I just felt calm because of taking my medication for anxiety. When the Midnight Mass was ended I saw the mother of Lisa and the husband of Lisa. I walked to them and gave them both a hug. It was fine to see them again. They told me it was heartwarming what I wrote about Lisa in my blog. I’m happy that they liked what I wrote about her in my blog. I have to admit that I didn’t know Lisa that well. Stories of young people dying from cancer and just any horrible story touches my heart. I’m a highly sensitive person so I cry about everything. I can also feel others emotions easily. Sometimes feeling so deeply can make living in this world pretty overwhelming too. I’m trying to control my emotions more but sometimes I just can’t. I also wrote a Christmas card to her family with a own written poem and they wrote me one too. I’m looking forward to the Christmas card.

At the exit in the church I saw again the mother of Lisa and her husband and also the father. I also greeted him and we talked. The father asked me how I could speak Spanish. I said that I’m bilingual because my mother learned me Spanish since I was a baby. I also took Spanish lessons and had Spanish as a subject in my college. I also did my internship and exchange in Spain. I have always lived between two countries and have two homes πŸ˜‚ I said that I also have good Spanish friends there πŸ’• We also talked about emotions. I said that Dutch people show emotions less and Spanish people are more caring and emotional. It’s also the temperament of Spaniards. Then I said goodbye and we went home.

On the first day of Christmas my parents and I unwrapped the box with presents 🎁 from the mother of my first love. My mother got a hairbrush and Christmas cocktail prickers. My father got something for cleaning and delicious tea with different flavors. On my presents she wrote: “Princess Christina.” I remember when I was together with my first love and she always said that to me in SwitzerlandπŸ‘Έ She’s so sweet πŸ’• I love her very much. Maybe, one day we will see them again. I got earrings, black panty socks and Mickey Mouse socks which I love so much 😍 They are so cute. I also got chocolate hearts and more chocolate for us all. I always got these chocolate hearts when I was together with my ex. They are so delicious. I also loved the card she wrote. It were all nice presents. In the afternoon we saw “First dates” from UK together with my parents. It’s a programme on tv where people have a blind date together. It’s really fun. We also saw “Heel Holland bakt”. That’s about a competition of baking. We love to watch it and the pies and sweets look so delicious.

Afterwards, I dressed up to go with my parents to the appartement of my brother and his wife. It’s just 15 minutes away by car. We ate delicious pasta with meat and vegetables, salad, bread and vanilla ice cream. We also drank some mint tea with some delicious sweets made by the wife of my brother. We were at their home at 7 pm and stayed a few hours. When we got home we saw again a programme on tv about baking. Later at night I saw “All you need is love” with my mother. It’s about couples who live far away from each other or families who didn’t see each other for a long time. They bring them all together so that they can enjoy Christmas together.

Today it’s boxing day in The Netherlands. Today we all just rested and I finished packing my suitcase for Thursday the 27th that I’m going to Spain πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡ΈβœˆοΈ I’m also having a cold. I like the view from the airplane but I always get anxious while flying. I hate turbulence so I better take a medication for anxiety. Listening to a postcast of Yoga Girl or listening to music also helps me to calm down. I just need to have distractions. I also saw the movie It’s a wonderful life with my parents which I didn’t see before. I got emotional and cried because it was such a beautiful movie with so much meaning. At night I will see the liveshow of Christmas from the Spanish talentshow OperaciΓ³n Triunfo 🎀 I loved to see the finalists of this year singing with famous artists and also the finalists from last year. I love them β™₯️.

Thank you all for reading this blog post. I hope you all had an amazing Christmas time. How was your Christmas? What did you got for gifts? What did you do? Let me know in the comments. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

Much love πŸ’•,

xoxo Christina

Christmas tag πŸŽ„πŸŽ…πŸŽβ›„πŸ’•

Hey lovelies πŸ’•,

It’s time for a Christmas blog post as I didn’t wrote one this year haha too bad. I will make some Christmas blog posts this week so be prepared of it. I hope you will all like it. For today I will do a Christmas tag. I choose some questions which I found and which I’m going to answer. It was a fun post to write and brings me into the Christmas spirit πŸŽ„πŸŽ…

1. What’s your favourite Christmas movie? 🎬

My favourite Christmas movie is Love Actually 😍 I love all these cute stories and I always have to cry. I love the song: “Christmas is all around us”. I also love the famous actors Hugh Grant, Keira Knightly, Rowan Atkinson (Mr. Bean), Alan Rickman (who plays Snape in Harry Potter series) and so many more. I also love the movie The Holiday so much which I just saw last weekend. I have to watch some new Christmas movies which I didn’t watch such as Elf and It’s a wonderful life. Everyone is talking about it. It make me curious.

2. Have you ever had a White Christmas? β„οΈβ˜ƒοΈ

Yeahhhh I had and it was the most wonderful Christmas ever πŸ’• Christmas with snow is for me the perfect Christmas. I always celebrate Christmas in The Netherlands with my family. It was a few years ago that I was singing in my choir and that it was snowing so much. These last years it didn’t snow anymore. Just last weekend it was snowing a bit but unfortunately it’s already gone. Snow just makes me so happy because a snow landscape is soooo beautiful. I hate the cold but I love snow haha πŸ˜‚. The only bad thing is that after Christmas we always go to Spain like this year on the 27th. If it snows I will have problems with our flight.

3. Where do you usually spend your holiday? πŸŽ‰

I always spend Christmas in The Netherlands with my family and New Year’s Eve and Three Kings day in Spain. I love to have two countries because I experience two different cultures and their traditions.

4. What is your favourite Christmas song? 🎢

My favourite Christmas song is definitely the popular song “All I want for Christmas is you” by Mariah Carey. My favourite Christmas carol is “Walking in the air” from The Snowman. I always sang that with my choir.

5. Do you open any presents on Christmas Eve? 🎁

I celebrate Christmas with my parents, brothers and their wifes, my niece at our home. They are always coming the 24th in the afternoon. We ate together dinner and before dinner or after dinner we open the presents by the Christmas tree πŸŽ„ We don’t have that many presents because we already celebrated Sinterklaas this month and I also will celebrate Three Kings Day in Spain. After dinner I often go to the church with my mother, brother and his wife to watch my choir sing. This is called the Midnight Mass as it’s at 10.30 pm and takes about almost two hours.

6. What holiday traditions are you looking forward to this year? ✨

I love to watch Christmas movies and I already watched some of them such as the movies Home Alone. I also already wrote and sent Christmas letters. I love to receive the handwritten letters. It means so much to me when someone takes the time to write me a letter rather than a message on Facebook or via Whatsapp. That isn’t personal. I also love to sing Christmas songs and carols. I will share one song soon on my blog yeahhh excited πŸŽ„πŸ˜βœ¨ I’m also happy that this year I’m doing the self love advent challenge of Melissa Wells on Instagram and it’s really fun to do. It’s important to love and take care of ourselves in this busy time. I also love to eat every day a chocolate from the advent calendar haha otherwise it’s no Christmas spirit for me.

7. Is your Christmas tree real or fake? πŸŽ„

Our Christmas tree is always fake. I love real Christmas trees. They smell so good. My parents find it more useful to have a fake one and it’s also a beautiful big one which we use every year πŸ’•.

8. What’s your all-time favourite holiday treat/food/sweet? 🍫

I love Christmas chocolate wreaths. This is a typical tradition in The Netherlands. You put them in the tree and it looks nice and also taste delicious. Who doesn’t love a bit of chocolate? I also love Christmas stollen which is typical in Germany and here in Holland. In Spain the tradition is to eat TurrΓ³n which I like so much. TurrΓ³n is nougat confection typically made of honey, sugar and egg white, with toasted almonds or other nuts, and usually shaped into a rectangular tablet. You have them in a soft or hard version. I love the hard one with chocolate of course.

Christmas chocolate wreaths

Christmas stollen

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TurrΓ³n

9. Be honest, do you like giving or receiving gifts better?

I like to give presents but it takes me time to think of what to buy this person and wrap them all. This all makes it stressful. I love to give but receiving presents is much better and less stressful hahah πŸ˜‚ I love to get presents and wrap them open. I love the surprise 🎁

10. What is the best Christmas present you have ever received? 🎁

I always get most presents with Sinterklaas then on Christmas. I love to get chocolate or warm pyjamas. The most amazing present I got for Christmas was from the mother of my first love πŸ˜‚. We always send a box of presents and a Christmas card to his mother in Switzerland and she does the same. I got a Swarovski bracelet from her when we already broken up. I love Swarovski crystals so much 😍 I almost never wear this bracelet because I’m afraid to loose it. When I had a relationship my ex gave a beautiful golden necklace with a heart which was also from Swarovski. I’m sad that it got stolen on a party. I never found it back 😭

11. What would be your dream place to visit for the holiday season? πŸ—½

NEW YORK CITY πŸ˜πŸŽ„πŸ—½ I already went one time to New York City when I got to speak at the United Nations for winning the Many Languages, One World Essay competition of 2015. I still need to write a blog post about this. It was a one in a lifetime experience. I f*cking love New Yorkso much. xoxo Gossip Girl vibes πŸ’• I always loved to see NYC in series and movies and thought if it would be as beautiful as in the movies. I was right. It was even more beautiful 😍 Christmas in NYC would be a dream coming true. I would love to go ice skating in Central Park and see the beautiful Rockefeller tree. One day this dream will come true ✨🌠🌟

12. Are you a pro present wrapper or do you fail miserably? 😜

I’m not a pro because I use sometimes too much tape but I also don’t fail that hard. I guess I’m in the middle haha.

13. Most memorable holiday moment? πŸ’•

I think when I was singing in the choir many years ago. I always felt more in the Christmas spirit because of singing typical choir Christmas songs. I will post a video of me singing a carol this Christmas. I miss singing in the choir but I also wouldn’t want to go back because of some memories. However, I think I’m going to face my fear and go to the Midnight Mass on Christmas eve. I almost go every year with my mother, brother and his wife. It’s beautiful and also so emotional. I’m catholic but I’m not sure if I believe in god but I just know that there must be something. For me going to the church on Christmas eve is really important. I want to be able to pray and think of others during the holidays.

14. What made you realise the truth about Santa? πŸŽ…

When one girl in primary school told me that Sinterklaas didn’t exist I had to cry and that moment I also begin to realize that everything was fake. Sinterklaas, Santa Claus and the Three kings were my parents. I was 10 years old I think. It makes me sad that kids have to believe in those lies and then find out eventually that it’s all fake. There’s just so much magic in believing that Santa Claus is real. I think that’s also why Christmas was more special and beautiful when I was a child. I miss that feeling of being care free and true happiness. Hopefully, I will find that feeling again ✨ I really need it.

15. What makes the holidays special for you? ❀️

For me the most important thing about Christmas is to give love and help others in need. I also love to spend time with my family. It’s what matters the most. I tear up of thinking how much I love my family. I would be lost without them 😭 Always honor and remember your roots πŸ’•. I sent an Christmas e-card to my mother and donated €10 therefore to the Shelter charity organization which helps homeless people. I also think it’s so important to donate money to good charities and help these people. Especially with Christmas many people are alone, homeless or need any form of help. I encourage anyone to give something back this Christmas. Christmas isn’t all about presents, food and all that materialistic stuff. Christmas is about making other people happy and be there for people who need it the most πŸ’• Make a change and please donate βœ¨πŸ™ You will be so thankful and happy that you did.

Thank you all for reading this blog post. I hope you all enjoyed this Christmas blog post πŸŽ„ I’m still going to post some posts with Christmas so you know it. I already wish you all a happy Christmas ✨ May all your dreams come true. Do you agree with my answers? What do you love about Christmas? Are you excited for Christmas? Let me know in the comments. I will speak to you all soon.

Much love πŸ’•,

xoxo Christina

Spanish spoken poetry video: We are all Laura πŸ’œ (Violence against women)

Hey lovelies πŸ’•,

Before I begin with this short blog post I would like to say that I have a giveway going on my Instagram. You just have to follow me there, like my picture and comment why you want to win. You also need to be Europe based. I just wanted to give something back. I’m so thankful for all your support and love I have on my blog and on that Instagram account. I love you all so much 😍😍😍.

Before I post some Christmas blog posts I wanted to post this blog post. I just needed to share this here. I also shared it on my Instagram: Poetry video. This is my Youtube account which I never use but I just felt the urge to share it there too. My video on my main account of Instagram already had more than 1500 views and more than 100 likes which is just so much wow. I have never made a video reading one of my poems before but tonight is the night that I’m going to do it. I wrote it in Spanish because it’s about a Spanish girl but I will also translate it in English down below. I just had to write about what happened. This poem is for all women who are suffering from violence against women in every form possible. You are not alone. Together we are stronger πŸ’ͺ. They will not silence us.

Laura is a Spanish girl who was only 26 years old when she got missed a few days ago in Huelva in Andalucia. That’s in the south of Spain. She was a teacher in that village. She was missing and never came back alive πŸ’”πŸ˜’. They found her body on Monday half naked. I have to say that there’s one mistake in my poem which is that she was running. Right now they are investigating how she died. I saw the Spanish news and they said one man which was a neighbor from her killed her. He already killed a woman a few years ago and was in prison. I really don’t know why they let this crazy man free.

He locked her into his car and wanted to rape her but she resisted. Then he hit her with something on her head. She died a few days later. We still don’t know where the body was the days she was missing. It’s just a horrible story 😒. Again, another victim of violence against women. With all my frustration and pain I’m feeling right now I just needed to express my emotions in this poem. You can read my English translation of this poem down below:

We all are Laura

She was called Laura

She only had 26 years

A year less than I’m

She was a teacher

She went running and never came back

She got murdered

We all are Laura

We don’t want to be afraid when we are walking alone at night

We don’t want to be afraid because we are a woman

We don’t want to have our keys in our hands to enter fast our home

We don’t that men see us as an object

We don’t want to live in a patriarchal world

We don’t want that the world judge women when they are getting raped

We want to be free, protected by society and treated with respect

Free, healthy and safe is what we want to be

It’s enough!

Not one more!

We are all Laura ❀


Spanish version:

Laura somos todas

Se llamaba Laura

TenΓ­a tan sΓ³lo 26 aΓ±os

Un aΓ±o menos que yo

Fue profesora

SaliΓ³ a correr y no volviΓ³ nunca mΓ‘s

Fue asesinada

Laura somos todas

No queremos tener miedo por la noche cuΓ‘ndo andamos solas

No queremos tener miedo por ser una mujer

No queremos tener las llaves en la mano para entrar pronto a casa

No queremos que los hombres nos vean como un objeto

No queremos vivir en este mundo patriarcado

No queremos que el mundo nos juzgue a las mujeres cuΓ‘ndo somos violadas

Queremos ser libres, protegidas por la sociedad y tratadas con respeto

Libres, sanas y salvas eso es lo que queremos

Basta ya!

Ni una mΓ‘s!

Todos somos Laura ❀️


I know almost none of my followers can speak Spanish but the words sounded better in Spanish. I wanted to share both the original Spanish version and also the English translation. Maybe, in the future I will also make a video of the English version.

Thank you all for watching my video and for reading this poem. Did you like this poem? What are you thoughts of the topic of violence against women? Are you also a feminist? I’m a feminist by heart and will forever continue to spread awareness about this topic. Together we can make a change. They will not silence us πŸ’ͺπŸ’œ.

Much love πŸ’•,

xoxo Christina

Epiphany: I don’t want to be seen

Hey lovelies πŸ’•,

I just need to talk about a topic which is coming into my mind these last weeks. It’s also making me very anxious. I’m going to talk about how my blog is my safe space and how anxious I’m that people in real life find my blog. The thought makes me very uncomfortable. I’m going to talk about a epiphany I had. It’s a realization I have had for so long. I was even looking for making this blog private when people told me they found my blog but I don’t think that would be fun. I love the interaction with my community, the traffic of new followers and finding new inspirational blogs πŸ’–πŸ™.

A week ago I got a lovely mail from the mother of Lisa. I wrote about her loss in this blog post: Life is fragile. She died from Leucemia at just 28 years old. I also went to her cremation with my mother in October. I’m still very proud of myself that I went as I have such a huge fear of death and never went before to a funeral. Her mother wrote me such a beautiful and touching mail. I got really anxious after I knew that her family knew about my blog. They have read everything and if they are reading this: Hi lovelies ❀️. They are such a lovely family and can of course read my blog posts. I care about them and love them very much. She said I wrote so beautiful about her daughter. I was just so touched by this story and cried a lot about her loss. I even didn’t know her that well but our choir members are always so connected.

I know why I’m anxious about people finding my blog. I know my blog is public but just the thought of real life people finding my blog makes me want to hide in bed and hide from the world forever. Why do you think? I already shared that I have been bullied during high school. I’m so afraid of any bullies finding my blog. Just as I’m reading a book about how to cope with anxiety I felt more calm. I also took some anti anxiety medications a week ago because I couldn’t cope. I was overthinking all the time 😒. I’m worth it and I’m enough. I tried to change my thoughts from negative to more realistic and positive thoughts. I’m also learning that in an online chat which I take with people who are also struggling with that. It really helps me to feel a bit more peaceful πŸ™βœ¨πŸ’•

I have to know that not everyone would even care about reading my blog. I also don’t even have contact with all those bad people anymore. The family of Lisa is so lovely and also another man from the choir who I always feel calm and happy with. I just have to surround myself with people who gets me and supports me πŸ’–

It’s just that this blog and also my Instagram Seaofwordsblog is a safe space for me. It’s the only space I go to when I feel sad, anxious, happy or inspired. It’s a place where I go to when I’m crying and just need to let my feelings out and write about my thoughts. This is the only space where I’m 100% honest, vulnerable and authentic. I don’t want to be afraid all the time of people who I know finding my blog. I wouldn’t be able to write anymore about anything.

The mother of Lisa also read about my anxiety. She don’t judge me and understands me. I felt so loved reading her mails. I was also looking for tickets for the Christmas concert for this weekend in the cathedral. I used to sing in that choir. Then I got an email back that I could have the tickets for free. That’s really so sweet of them πŸ’•. I’m always happy to see my choir singing but also feel anxious that I get a panic attack or feel anxious in the church. There are just some experiences in my choir which made me feel anxious and insecure. I got bullied there and I also felt like I wasn’t good enough. When one time I sang a solo, they preferred that someone else had to sing it. Again a confirmation that I’m just not good enough even for singing when it’s one of my biggest passions in life. I also got a sh*t teacher who once said that I was going to get bullied in high school. Well, that happened. F*ck it πŸ˜”. Maybe, one day I will go to see some of my choir members who are nice to me but I still feel anxious about going.

I didn’t went to the Christmas concert because of this fear and also because it always bring up memories from the past with my ex boyfriend πŸ’”. Long story short, I met my first love when I was 17 years old during a choir tour in Cambridge in UK. The same city where my parents also met each other but they are still together for more than 40 years πŸ˜‚ Their love story ended well. He broke up with me when I was 19 years old during Christmas. It’s already 6 years ago and I’m over him but I still think that you can’t be completely over your first love. Every time I see my choir singing I get emotional because of these memories. I’m feeling a bit guilty now that I didn’t went because I got free tickets and some people were happy to see me but maybe I can go to another concert or go to the church at Christmas eve which I do often. My mother went alone to the concert. Maybe, I will just have to face this fear but it’s so hard for me 😭

Lately, I’m just so afraid of seeing someone I know in public. I don’t want everyone to know about my anxiety or getting asked questions about what I’m doing with my life. I’m living and surviving okay. I don’t know what I’m doing with life. I just know that this blog is everything for me. If you take this away from me I would feel even more hopeless and anxious. Here I can be vulnerable, open and honest without feeling judgment. I love this blogging and mental health community so much. It’s everything for me πŸ’•.

I think I just have to stop thinking about whether people in real life will find my blog or not. I’m safe here and will continue sharing my journey of coping with an anxiety disorder, the daily struggles and hardships of life and all the good things in life. I have to stop being scared all the time of people and about what they would think of me. It’s just really hard because I don’t trust many people anymore only my good friends, my online friends, online communities and my family. It’s so hard for me to find new friends or people because I’m always so scared to get bullied again or that someone will hurt me. I can’t deal with that anymore in life so I stay away from people, isolate myself and live in my own peaceful world with my music, blog, books, movies, postcasts and hide away from the real world 🌍.

I know the biggest reason why I don’t want to see anyone I know on the streets is that I just don’t want to be seen. I just always want to hide away in my bed, room or house. I know it isn’t that good but it’s really part of who I’m. People think I’m that outgoing social girl but I’m only crazy, completely myself and comfortable when I know you well. We have to best friends or good friends before I can trust you. I’ve always been that girl who never want to be in the center of attention. My father even said to me that I used to hide myself in boxes when I was a child πŸ˜…πŸ˜‚ I see where that’s coming from. When I was a teenager I would hide myself in a wardrobe when there was a visit. Nowadays, I hide myself in my bed covered with blankets and stuffed animals. Not much has changed just the place of were I’m hiding myself hahaha omg πŸ€¦β€β™€οΈπŸ€£ I’m always playing hide and seek in life.

I just am getting an epiphany. I love that word which Yoga Girl use so much. A few years ago I had some therapy sessions and also this lovely woman said to me that I just don’t want to be seen. That was also the reason why I always got uncomfortable, anxious, nauseous and even vommited times before I had to go to talk to her. I’m afraid to ask for help and support because I don’t want to be seen or take any space in this world.

It feels good to come to this realization because this is something I’m struggling all my life with. I’m always escaping from everything I fear in life simply because I want to hide away and I don’t want to do it. That’s it. I really hope with taking little baby steps forward I can change this in 2019 and the upcoming years. If I need more support as in therapy for my anxiety disorder then I have to take that step and do it even if I feel so scared. I have to let myself seen to get better in coping with anxiety and just in general in life. I can do it πŸ’ͺ. I only have to let myself seen and not hide in boxes, wardrobes or a bed anymore haha πŸ˜‚ That’s sounds like really simple but it will be difficult. I have to know that not everyone is going to judge me. I can speak up and be myself in this world. This blog is already such a big step for me to be seen in this world and I’m so damn proud I made this blog πŸ’• I will continue this amazing adventure with all of you ✨

Thank you all for reading this blog post. I hope you can all understand my story. It felt good to write this as I was beginning to realize many things going on in my life. Can you relate to my story? Are you also afraid of people you know finding your blog? Do you also struggle with letting yourself seen in life? How do you cope with it? Let me know in the comments. I would love to hear your thoughts and if you have any tips for me they are also appreciated πŸ’—.

Much love πŸ’•,

xoxo Christina

Hey, you. Don’t give up, okay? πŸ’•βœ¨πŸ’—πŸ™

Hey lovelies πŸ’•,

We all need this reminder. As I’m struggling in life right now with having anxiety about the future, being nauseous all the time, job anxiety and just about everything I need to know to not give up. I wrote this poem a few nights ago because when I can’t sleep at night and feel bad is when I feel the most inspired to write. I love to write poems and want to write and share more of them on my blog.Β It’s pretty amazing how that works, right?! Writing makes me feel so happy. I will never stop writing. I just wanted to write this for you all. I hope it will give you some hope βœ¨πŸ™

We all need to know that we will find a light through our darkest times.

We all need to know that we can go through hard times in life.

We all need to know that feelings come and go.

We all need to know that life’s is about the little moments.

We all need to know that better things are coming.

We all need to know that life’s about finding the balance between the good and the bad.

We all need to know that life’s hard but we are thougher.

We all need to know that we are loved.

We all need to know that we aren’t alone in our feelings and thoughts.

We all need to know that there’s someone who feels exactly the same way as we do.

We all need to know that this too shall pass.

We all need to know that we will find a purpose in life.

We all need to know that being alive is the greatest gift of all.

We all need to know that true happiness is loving yourself unconditionally.

We all need to know that there will be a time where we find our happiness again.

We all need to know that we are warriors and that we won’t give up πŸ’ͺ

We all need to know that we are all in this together and that we will stick together ❀️

Keep going lovelies, never give up!

Thank you all for reading this blog post. Did you like this poem? Did it make you feel happy and inspired? πŸ’« I would love to know your thoughts. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

Love you all so much πŸ’•,

xoxo Christina

Sinterklaas haul πŸŽπŸŽ‰πŸ’•πŸ’—

Hey lovely bloggers πŸ’•,

Lately I have been feeling more inspired to blog more, write more and also write more drafts. This is definitely saving me time in posting more blog posts and write more amazing content. I hope you all will like it. Before I introduce today’s theme I want to let you all know that I’m doing an Advent Challenge by Melissa Wells. I have to admit that I still have to buy and read her books: β€œThe Goddess Revolution” and β€œHungry for more.” She writes about self love and our relationship with our body and food.

I know her from my lovely friend Chloe. Every day there’s a challenge where we have to write and share on Instagram a post and tag her instagram Melissa Wells and The self love summit. It’s really fun to do but I wanted to do it only on Instagram because then she can see my posts and the beautiful goddess women can join this challenge. You can also win amazing prices 🎁. If anyone is also doing this challenge let me know. This challenge is really motivating me and making me love myself more. You can see mine one on Seaofwordsblog.

Today I want to share you a nice haul of things I got for Sinterklaas. This is a typical festive in The Netherlands. It’s celebrated on the 5th of December but because it’s a day in the week many families celebrate it on the weekend before or after the 5th of December. I celebrated it last weekend on the first of December. I went to the south of The Netherlands to celebrate it with my two brothers, their wifes, my niece and my parents. We also ate at their home delicious pasta with vegetables and ice cream with caramel. I had really so much fun πŸŽ‰. My niece was giving all the time the presents and unwrapping them hahah it was so cute. I will now share with you all the presents I got. The background of these pictures is just my floor in my room, not that beautiful but I couldn’t find a better place to make pictures of my presents.

All my presents which I have got 🎁

Yogi tea πŸ’•

I love the brand Yogi Tea because of the delicious and different flavours. I also love that with every tea bag there’s a quote full of wisdom. It’s just everything I need. I got rooibos tea with cinnamon, bedtime rooibos tea with vanille, women’s tea with chamomile and bedtime tea with valerian. I’m going to use all these teas a lot during Winter 🍡.

Cinema light box, photo frame, instax mini film and earrings πŸ“·

I wanted to do these presents together because they are linked to each other except the earrings hahah πŸ˜‚. I always wanted to have a cinema light box. I always saw it on social media. It looks so amazing to just put a nice quote or message. It would make me really happy. I didn’t use it yet because I need some batteries. I will show you all when I use it. This one is different than the normal white one. You can change the colour. It has 12 different colours. My favourite colour is purple, violet or blue πŸ’™πŸ’œ

I also love the two packs of instax mini film. I always use it so much. Polaroids are so much fun to make and also to cherish memories. I also got a photo frame in the form of a heart. I think it’s so cute and I always love to have pictures in my room. Maybe I will bring this one to Spain to use it when I’m there. I also got some earrings with the words I love you. It’s like a beer opener haha really fun!

Trip book of Barcelona and present of Crete 😍🌍🌞

The trip book from Barcelona is very handy for when I’m going to Barcelona one day. I only went once to Barcelona with my friends and I loved it so much. It’s a beautiful city. I love the Gaudi buildings, The Sagrada familia and Park Guell. This trip book also has some tips of what to visit and a map of the city and metro which is so useful. The coin purse from Crete is really beautiful. My brother and his wife bought it during their holidays in Greece in October. I really hope to go to Greece one day because from all the pictures I’ve seen I think it’s a beautiful country.

Psychology & Nouveau magazine πŸ“š

I love the Psychology Magazine so much πŸ˜πŸ’•. It’s a Dutch magazine which I read a lot especially during the Summer days by the pool in Spain. This edition is very special because it’s about more than 35 people who share about their vulnerability and mental illnesses. Many people are suffering or have something they are struggling with whether it’s a mental illness or stress about college or work life. This magazine really helps me a lot in coping with anxiety and makes me feel less alone. I have never bought the other magazine which is called Nouveau but they came together. That one is for women above 40+ hahah lol πŸ˜‚ and have some beauy tips. My mother bought this present for me and also didn’t know what kind of magazine it was. I will give it a read.

Stickers and designpad ❀️

I saw these stickers once in the Dutch shop Hema a few weeks ago and I already wanted them so badly. These are universe stickers with the stars, the moon and glitter βœ¨πŸŒ™β­πŸŒŒ. They are really beautiful. I can use them for my journal or scrapbook. I also love the designpad with 30 sheets with different designs. I could use it for my journal, scrapbook or other crafts as well.

Deodorant Vogue girl, Batiste dry shampoo and nail vile 😊

I love the dry shampoo from Batiste so much. I also love the little one because I can take it with me everywhere and use it. I also like the Vogue Girl deodorants. They smell so good and I love the pattern of kisses and cats. It’s really cute, don’t you think? πŸ˜˜πŸ˜»πŸ€— The nail vile with the word β€œBelieve” is also very nice.

Underwear boxers 😜

Hhaha I don’t mind to share this with you because everybody needs to use underwear 🀣. I really was in need of underpants such as boxers. I really love them and they also fit me well. The pink and purple ones are from an Australian brand. I also love the one in the middle which is colourful and has the words love on it.

Chocolate and marzipan 🍫😍

During Sinterklaas it’s typical to give each other chocolate letters. I got the G haha I don’t know why πŸ€·β€β™€οΈ. I think Sinterklaas was confused when he gave me that letter. I also got the C. I love milk chocolate so much as well as white chocolate. One of them is already gone in my tummy. I also got caramel sea salt Tony’s Chocolonely fair trade chocolate. I don’t know if I like this flavour but I will try it. I really love the marzipan covered with chocolate too. That’s really one of my favourite sweets. Noanne my little niece thought it was a sausage hahah because of the form. We all had to laugh when she said that. She’s just so funny πŸ€£πŸ˜….

Wedding photography pictures πŸ’’

The most beautiful and emotional presents we got where the pictures we got from my brother Edward and Elke πŸ“·. The two have a company of wedding photography and also photographed the wedding of my brother Rafael with VerΓ³nica in August. They got 100 pictures and I and my parents got 10 pictures from the wedding. I can’t wait to get them digital to be able to share them on social media and here on my blog. I need the pictures with the thread mark of Azcona Fotografie. VerΓ³nica had to cry when she saw the pictures and the diashow. They are also making a wedding book of all the most important pictures of the wedding for them. It’s a book they can cherish forever. VerΓ³nica said that she missed her mother which is normal because her family lives in Spain.

My brother also got emotional and I also got tears in my eyes because the pictures were so beautiful. They captured beautifully the wedding day. All memories came back from this day. This was definitely again one of the most beautiful days of my life together with the other wedding of my brother Edward. I hope that one day I will marry too so that my brother can also make beautiful pictures of my special day. I also never felt so beautiful. I love how the hairdressers did my hair, the flower in my hair, how I did my make up, the dream fucsia dress, my jewelry, just everything. I love the pictures where you can see me smiling and where you can see in my eyes how happy I was to see my brother getting married. I also loved the photo frame with the picture where I’m dancing with my brother after dinner during the party πŸŽ‰πŸ’ƒ

Bucketlist calendar 2019 πŸ“…

I bought for myself this present for Sinterklaas. I have always wanted this calendar. It’s a really fun one. It’s a bucketlist calendar of things you have to do in 2019. Every day there’s a beautiful quote written and also challenges to do. Hopefully, I will do them πŸ˜‚.

Thank you all for reading this blog post. I hope you all liked it. Now, it’s almost time for Christmas presents and in Spain I also celebrate Three Kings day which is on the 6th of January haha so three times fiestas with gifts 🎁🀣. I really love it and I love to spend time with my family and friends. That’s a gift that you can’t buy anywhere. Which present did you like the most from my haul? What’s on your wish list? I would love to know your thoughts. I will speak to you all soon in my next blog post.

Much love πŸ’•,

xoxo Christina

December goals πŸŽ„πŸŽπŸŽ‰πŸŽ…

Hey lovely bloggers πŸ’•,

Yeahhhh it’s December, one of my favourite months in the year πŸŽ‰. I love holiday season. I just love Sinterklaas, Christmas and New Year’s eve so much. It’s all about love, light and happiness. It feels good to spend it with family and friends, just the ones you love. I really liked to write the post of my November goals so today I will write about my December goals. I would be really happy if I stick to these kind of blog posts every month. It’s fun to do and also keeps me motivated to achieve all of my goals. I achieved almost every goal last month so I’m really proud of myself. The goals for December will be related to Christmas, self care, Spain and more.

  • Finishing writing Christmas cards and sending them or giving them

I already wrote 28 Christmas cards from the 31 Christmas cards which is a lot. Every year I write less because I also love to receive Christmas cards πŸ’Œ. I’m doing a great job in writing something personal, decorating them with stickers and washi tape. I love stationery stuff so much. I still have to write 3 Christmas cards and then I’m done. I have to send some cards by post and some I can just give to my friends and family. I really love to exchange Christmas cards so much. It makes me really happy to know that someone made an effort to write me something personal and I also love handwritten cards so much.

  • Celebrating Sinterklaas with my family

On the first of December we are going to celebrate Sinterklaas. This is a typical feast in The Netherlands. It’s really fun to give and receive presents. We are going to celebrate it with my two brothers, my niece and their wifes and my parents in the south of Holland: Brabant. It’s like two hours by car. I really love car rides haha adventure time. I’m just going to listen to music and enjoy life. I also can’t wait to receive presents 🎁 haha I’m not that materalistic but I love to get presents that mean something for me and are personal. Maybe I will write a Sinterklaas haul after the celebration.

  • Posting Christmas content on my blog

I want to post a Christmas carol sang by me this Christmas. I also always want to post something special for Christmas, how my Christmas was and let you guys see my Christmas decorations at home. My mother always makes home so beautiful and I love the big Christmas tree. Some friends of mine even said that my home looks like a home in America all decorated hahah πŸŽ„πŸ˜‚. I also always post a special post for New Year.

  • Celebrating Christmas with my family

Every year I celebrate Christmas with my family at home. We are 8 people, my two brothers, niece, their wifes and my parents. It’s really cozy at our home and also with all the Christmas decorations I really feel the Christmas spirit. I also sometimes go to the church at night. I used to sang in that choir. I also sometimes watch “All you need is love” which is a Dutch programme on tv which brings long distance couples and families together for Christmas. It’s so beautiful and emotional to see. I always have to cry a lot. I’m also wearing my special Christmas dress which you will see on my pictures.

  • Packing my suitcase for Spain

I will have to pack my suitcase before the 27th of December to go to Spain. I really can’t wait to go to Spain. I also really wish that before I go I hear back from a job I applied in Spain which is working in El Corte Ingles, a famous Spanish shop. I just want to live in Spain. I can’t wait to see my Spanish friends again. I also really missed the delicious tapas and the sunshine. I can’t stand that the there’s no sunshine these days. In Spain it’s also cold but the sun is there so it makes winter a bit better. I need vitamine D! 🌞

  • Keep applying for jobs

I already said that in my November goals 🍁 blog post that I have to apply for jobs. I did apply for some jobs in Spain. I also applied to work in a famous shop in Spain called El Corte InglΓ©s but I still didn’t heard back. A few days ago at night I was crying because I feel like I really do much effort in writing a cv and motivation letters and I keep hearing nothing back. I don’t know what I have to change in order to get a job. It still makes me anxious and all….

  • Going to the Christmas market in Haarlem with my bff and family

Every year there’s a Christmas market in different cities in The Netherlands. It’s like the Christmas markets you see in Germany. It’s really beautiful. You can buy handmade cards, stationery stuff or products for home. You can buy just so many nice stuff. You can also drink a delicious gluhwein and eat delicious food. I always like to drink soup which keeps me warm. Next weekend is the Christmas market in Haarlem. I’m going with my best friend and also with my family one day. I will take pictures and share them. I also love the Christmas music which they are playing.

  • Beginning to read the book “Your bullsh*t free guide to live with anxiety” from Caroline Foran

I would love to keep reading amazing books as this book. This book will help me with coping with anxiety. I heard it’s a great book so I’m very excited to begin to read it. When I’m finished with this book I will maybe make a book review of it.

  • Having a better sleep schedule

I think this is one of the most important goals which I always seem to not achieve hahah omg πŸ˜‚. If I would have a job or study I would have a routine. Now I’m sleeping at 4 am and waking up at 1 pm…. xD That’s my life. I really need to sleep earlier and wake up a bit earlier but I seem to not get my life together. Hopefully, I can change this a bit. It’s also important for my health. I know I will never be a morning person but I really do hope to change my sleep routine πŸ’€

  • Use bath bomb of Lush

I need to have a bath in December πŸ›€ because I only had a bath once since I’m in The Netherlands. I just always shower because it’s faster. In Spain we don’t have a bath so I need to enjoy it and use it more here. My mother bought me in October an amazing bath bomb of Lush which I really need to try. She bought me the Avobath which contains avocado oil and lemongrass. It really smells so well. It really would make me feel so good. Self care is so important πŸ’•. Alaways take time for yourself. You deserve to do things that makes you feel good about yourself.

  • Celebrating New Year’s Eve with my friends in Spain

I always go out on New Year’s eve after eating the 12 grapes at 00.00 which is a typical tradition and Spain. It brings luck haha I need that. Last year I didn’t go out for the first time since years because I just didn’t want to go out πŸŽ‰. I think it’s also okay to stay at home. Do what you like. I also don’t drink because of taking antidepressants and I just don’t feel like drinking.

This year I will go and will go the hairdresser to do curls in my hair and maybe buy a new dress for that night. If I get tired or I want to leave before 6 am then it’s okay. I will just enjoy it. I always liked fiestas but lately I feel more anxious surrounded by much people and just don’t like all the parties so much. I feel more at home during a concert because the people are there to just enjoy the music. I don’t like when at a party a boy is touching me without my consent and staring at me. I just feel very uncomfortable then. I love to dance with my friends and have fun 🎢. It’s just the environment that isn’t my place.

These were all my goals for December. I hope you enjoyed reading it. Can you relate to this list? What are your December goals? Let me know in the comments. I hope we will all achieve these goals this month. I wish you all good luck πŸ€πŸ€ž

Much love πŸ’•,

xoxo Christina