Being sick, sad and confused πŸ’­

Hey lovelies πŸ’•,

In this blog post I will talk about how I’ve being sick this time of the year. I will also talk about feeling sad and lonely. I will also write about feeling confused of making a certain decision which will change my life for the better or for worse. I hope that with writing this blog post I can make somehow my mind up or at least feel a bit better after I’ve written this.Β I’m not doing well lately because I’m sick. Before New Year’s Eve in Spain I had a cold. I got this cold in The Netherlands. I thought that I was done with being sick. I got my period after that which also sucks. Then my mother got sick with coughing so much, vomiting and also having fever.

Last Tuesday I got sick again and I think I have the flu because I have not been eating anything only drinking, my muscles hurt, I feel very weak, sneezing, running nose, fever of 38.4 degrees and coughing all the time. Sometimes I’m even afraid of coughing because it makes me feel like I almost am going to vomit even when I didn’t eat anything these days. I also had to travel this week without eating anything. I only drank water, citrosan which is a Dutch medicine (hot drink with lemon and paracetamol) and a Spanish kind of soup with vegetables and pumpkin. It was delicious and I waa happy to be able to drink that.Β I hope that I feel better soon. It’s already the fifth day that I don’t eat anything. I hate not being able to eat because I love food πŸ˜πŸ˜‹. If I don’t eat I soon feel dizzy or weak. My father for example can go many days without eating and still feels strong πŸ˜‚ He is such a lucky man hahah. Unfortunately, my body doesn’t work that way. I’m happy that my lovely mama bought soup, tissues, hot drink, honey and lots of other stuff. I hope it works to make me feel good again.

Being sick also increase my anxiety like I begin to worry more about my life. Lately, I also feel sad because I don’t feel supported in life by my real life friends. I talked to some of my good friends and nobody talks to me back. I’m feeling so lonely and also angry because I’m always there for everyone. When I’m feeling bad nobody is there for me. It’s just how I feel. I’m so done with feeling that way. I also expected one good friend coming to visit me in Valladolid. It never happened and didn’t wrote me back. It makes me feel sad 😒.Β I feel more supportive by my online internet friends than people in real life. Maybe it’s just a sign of the universe that those are the people who matter. You will see who belong in your life just with seeing their actions and not their words. Words are broken promises. I hope I will meet many people from this blogging community, mental health community, Yoga Girl community and many more communities this year. I would love to have deep talks with you all, have fun and go on adventures. I’m sure we will have an awesome time πŸ’•βœ¨πŸ‘Œ

I’m also feeling confused lately. I applied for some jobs via a Dutch website who helps people find a job abroad. I applied for a job in Athens, Barcelona and Lisbon. So, a few days ago a Dutch recruiter called me when I was in Spain. I was very anxious to receive this call because I hate calling. I definitely have phone anxiety. The call went very well. I liked the job in Lisbon the most because they would pay you the appartment there and help you with everything. You would live with your co-workers. With the other jobs you have to find your own appartment and do everything on your own.Β The call was just the recruiter that gave me general information about everything. She said that I had to complete some tests afterwards and that she would send me my cv to the Dutch recruiter in Lisbon. She also said that during the selection time I will have to send a certification of my degree. I’m glad she was very friendly and that the call went well. We talked for like 10 minutes. There were no awkward silences only just one time but then soon we talked again. Next week I will have a call with the Dutch recruiter in Lisbon. First she said that the call would be in English but then she said that it was a mistake and that it will be in Dutch. That’s much better. I also really don’t like to talk English when we can talk Dutch. That just feels strange to me. She also seem very nice and even send smilies in the emails.

We will discuss the online tests I made during that call. The first test was about answering some customer service emails. They want to know how I react with an angry customer or just someone who has a problem. I had to answer two emails in Dutch and one in English. The second test was a speed test. I had to write down what I was seeing but then my laptop crashed. I couldn’t make the test again. The third test was a Dutch grammer test which was sometimes even difficult hahaha πŸ˜‚ I’m so used to talk Spanish or English. The fourth test was a test about my knowledge of English. I wasn’t that bad I think. The last test was a test about computer knowledge. I think I also was pretty good at it haha. I hope I made them all well.

The thing what makes me confused is that I have never worked before or lived abroad in a place which isn’t my home such as Lisbon. The Netherlands and Spain are my two homes. I don’t know if it will be a good idea to move abroad while suffering from anxiety and being far away from my family and friends. I don’t know if I would cope well. Also, I don’t know if I see myself living with co-workers in one appartement. I love to live in my own home. I’ve never lived with people who I don’t know only with a family once in Spain. I love to have my own space and feel uncomfortable sharing a home with people I don’t know or can trust.

The thing which also keeps me thinking is that I searched the company Teleperformance on Glassdoor. I would be working for them for a Dutch project such as bol.com website at the Customer Service Sector. I saw so many negative reviews that I got very anxious. They said that it’s better not to work there because the environment is horrible, that you are treated like you are a number and robot and that they won’t treat you well. What more alarming was the fact that I read that the co-workers take marijuana and cocaine during work and also at the appartement. I also read that they are noisy. I don’t want to live with those kind of people. I wouldn’t feel comfortable and happy. They also said that the management and organisation of this company is very bad. With all of this said, I really don’t know if I should trust this company and work here if they hire me. I also read online that people can be really negative on the website Glassdoor and maybe not everything is true but it’s still negative information of the company.

Next week, I will get that call from the Dutch recruiter in Lisbon. She will discuss my cv, the tests I’ve made and also give me information about the company. Maybe, I have to say something about these negative reviews. I just don’t know if I should go for it if I get this job. I have never been good in making decisions. I think that still deep in my heart I have to keep searching for a job in Spain because that’s what I want the most. It also feels more safe for me. Even though I didn’t heard back from some jobs I just have to keep going and send my cv. It’s my dream to live and work in Spain so I gotta keep chasing this dream, right? 🌠✨

Thank you all so much for reading this blog post. I hope it wasn’t too messy πŸ˜‚ I just had so many thoughts and feelings to explain haha. Can you relate to my feelings? What would you do in my situation? Did you heard about the company Teleperformance and would you trust the negative reviews? What would be your advice for me? I would love to know your thoughts or opinion as it will help me so much. Thank you so much already for holding space for me πŸ™πŸ’•

I love you all so much πŸ’•,

xoxo Christina


18 thoughts on “Being sick, sad and confused πŸ’­

  1. I’m so sorry you haven’t been feeling well. Being sick AND getting your period is one of those double whammys that’s just horrible. I relate so much with the job thing, because with my anxiety I feel I have to know everything, so I Google lots about the company, and the city the job is in, and it usually gives me huge reservations. Then I talk myself out of the job. If you feel you can you should definitely ask at the job interview your questions, and they should be able to reassure you. I’ve found a trial run can help? Like spending a few days in the city, meeting your co-workers (if that’s possible?) and setting some ground rules between yourselves. Sometimes it’s best to go for something, unless your gut really is telling you not to. It’s best not to gamble with your mental health, and if something doesn’t feel right then you have to find what suits you. Well done on the phone calls too. I still struggle massively with those!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for your comment πŸ’• I really appreciate it. Yes, it was horrible. I’m glad I’m feeling better again. I can understand you as I’m doing the same thing. I don’t trust it often. I don’t know if I could do a trial run which definitely would help me to know if the company is good for me or not. You are so right πŸ’–. We have to trust in what feels good to us. Yes, I don’t like them too. You are not alone in this πŸ’ͺ

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  2. I’m sorry you’ve got the flu.
    With sites like Glassdoor people who have had negative experiences are far more likely to leave reviews than people who have had positive experiences. Still, if a lot of people are saying the same thing, I think that’s a good sign there’s a problem.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for being there for me πŸ’•πŸ™ Yes I can see that. People always prefer to write something negative than positive. When many people say the same thing you begin to think that there must be something wrong there.

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  3. I looooove you. I hope you feel better soon angel, mother nature visited me when I was ill the other week like I was telling you and it SUCKED. Honestly the worst combo ever, it was like my body purposely just wanted to make me miserable! Remember that if your gut is telling you not to do something, don’t do it. Your safety and your mental health ALWAYS comes first, never push yourself to do something just for the sake of it, when deep down you know it doesn’t feel right .xxx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I love you too beautiful 😍😍😍 Thank you so much. Right now, I feel a lot better than the days before. I cough less and already began to eat normally since a few days. Yes I can understand. I hope you are also feeling better right now ❀️. You are so right. It’s just always difficult to choose between two options. Health always comes first. Thank you for your advice. xoxo 😘

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  4. Hey!!
    So sorry for your not being well..getting so many problems at once is just horrible..and i hope you ll get well soon..
    But i would definitely give you few pieces of advice..
    First thing is that learn to enjoy your own company as it is not always that we are getting help when we need it the most and it happens mostly that people break our trust and won’t be with us when we need them the most. So the best thing is that just don’t expect anything from anyone. Just trust yourself that you are capable of doing anything on your own.
    Second thing is that you need to come out of your comfort zone only then you will realise that you can do a lot more than you expect from yourself and i don’t know about that glassdoor reviews since in India glassdoor reviews are trusthworthy.
    And yeah goodluck for your future may you get the best and what you deserve..😘😘
    And what i got to know you from your post is that you are such a sweet girl..😘😘

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much lovely for your comment and for reading 😘 I’m glad I’m feeling better right now. You are so right. It’s important to be able to enjoy ourselves. I agree with everything you wrote. Having high expectations can definitely hurt you. It’s hard to go out of your comfortzone but we learn so much every time we do it πŸ’ͺ. I also wish you all the best for your future ✨ May all your dreams come true. You are so sweet aswell πŸ˜˜πŸ’•

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  5. I think it’s good to trust yourself to make the right decision regarding this job. I don’t mind giving my opinion, which is that this is probably not a good fit for you if the job is at a call center. If you will have to be on the phone all day and you have phone anxiety, there will be other jobs that will be a better fit.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much lovely for reading and for your comment πŸ’–. Well, the job is about working in the Customer Service. It’s not exactly a call center. You have to call clients but also email and chat. I could do that well but I don’t know if I should go with this offer.

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