Dutch tulip fields photo diary๐ŸŒท๐Ÿ“ท and 300 followers! ๐ŸŽ‰๐Ÿ’—

Hey lovelies ๐Ÿ’•,

Today I want to show some beautiful pictures which I took with my mother last Sunday which was on Easter. Today’s blog post is a photo diary of the beautiful Dutch tulip fields ๐ŸŒท. Before I continue to talk about it more and show you the pictures, I will tell you something else.

I finally reached more than 300 followers! ๐ŸŽ‰ I’m so damn happy and proud of it! ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ’•๐ŸŽˆ๐ŸŽ‚๐ŸŽ It means so much to me that my blog is growing and that more and more people are willing to follow me, read my posts and like them. The only strange thing is that I didn’t receive a notification of this on my WordPress. Normally you get a message. Maybe, this sometimes doesn’t work or stops. Did anyone else also experience this? I always love to get that haha because it makes me feel even more excited. Thank you SO much from the bottom of my heart for all your love, support and happiness. I love blogging and will never stop blogging. We are one big and amazing family. I love you all SO much ๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ’—

Okay, enough love ๐Ÿ˜‚ Let’s be serious right now again. I can never be really serious so never mind. I alwaya prefer Spain over The Netherlands but there are some things which I love in Holland and which you can’t find in Spain. One of those things are the beautiful Dutch tulip fields I visited last week. The Netherlands is famous for the flowers especially the tulips. The best time to see them is from mid March to mid May. It starts with crocus season in March, which is followed by daffodils and hyacinths. Finally the tulips show their gorgeous colors, this is from mid April through the first week of May. You can also go to the Keukenhof which is unique tulip park with 7 million of tulips to see. I went there some times and I loved it. I want to go again because it’s so beautiful. The only bad thing is that it can be crowded with all the tourists taking pictures.

So on the First Easter Day I enjoyed a beautiful bike ride with my mother through the park and went to Cruquius which is so near to my house. We went to see the beautiful tulip fields. There was nobody so we could enjoy it to the fullest. First we were afraid to pass the meadow because there was water on the side haha but nothing happened ๐Ÿ˜‚ We didn’t end up in the dike. I loved it so much. I didn’t want to leave anymore. I could sleep there surrounded by the tulips lol. Cray cray. It’s my happy place definitely. Flowers especially tulips are one of my favourite things in life and the most beautiful fields of the world are definitely in Holland. I know Keukenhof is awesome too but to enjoy these fields for free and all alone is just a wonderful experience that everyone has to see. The Netherlands in Spring time is the best time to visit because it’s also so sunny ๐ŸŒž. It feels like Spain ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‡ธ except that it was raining a lot there that time ๐Ÿคฃ

This is my photo diary ๐Ÿ“ท. I almost didn’t change the pictures because they are perfect the way they are. I used the app StoryApp for the designs. I really like it and I love to make collages and do something different to show you it. I hope you all enjoy them! ๐Ÿ’—

Thank you all for reading this blog post. Did you like my photo diary? Do you love flowers as much as I do? Which flower is your favourite? ๐ŸŒธ๐ŸŒผ๐ŸŒป๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒท๐Ÿ’ Let me know lovelies. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

Much love ๐Ÿ˜˜,

xoxo Christina

Let’s talk about sexual consent and my experiences with it

Hey lovelies ๐Ÿ’•,

I find it important to talk about feminism, self love and everything related to it on my blog. As I’ve been reading the awesome blog of Ashley I read an important post about sexual consent which inspired me to write about it. April is Sexual Assault Awareness month. There’s no better time to write about it and also about some of my experiences regarding to this topic. I don’t know if this is too much information to share but I will share it anyway. That’s what my blog is for, to be always vulnerable, open and honest.

Sexual consent is agreeing to be sexual with someone. The two of them have to agree on it. What I often experienced and saw around me happening was that when a women don’t say NO or just isn’t sure it means she says yes. I have never been raped but I know there are so many women in the world who have been raped and even murdered. It isn’t their fault yet society still blames the victim which in many cases is a women. When I was reading what sexual assualt means I was thinking about my own experiences. I always thought that the things which men did to me wasn’t a big deal compared to a women who have been raped. I began to realize that my experiences were also not okay. Not because someone else has it worse doesn’t mean the things you experience don’t count. It all count because you feel it and have experience it.

“Sexual assault is any type of sexual activity or contact that you do not consent to. Sexual assault can happen through physical force or threats of force or if the attacker gave the victim drugs or alcohol as part of the assault. Sexual assault includes rape and sexual coercion.” In the United States, one in three women has experienced some type of sexual violence. If you have been sexually assaulted, it is not your fault, regardless of the circumstances. This the real definition of sexual assualt from the website https://www.womenshealth.gov/.

So this made me think because I have experienced this in my life. I have experienced this with the only relationship I have had in my life. I remember that there were times he just wanted to have sex and I just didn’t want. You can’t force someone, right? I also was crying sometimes and we fight about it once or twice…. I told this once to a mental health worker a few years ago and said it wasn’t okay what happened in my relationship. It wasn’t a bad relationship but these things weren’t okay. I remember how my ex said that if he didn’t had sex before 18 he would go to the red light destrict. Maybe, it was a joke but I still didn’t like those jokes. He told his friends that we have done it when it wasn’t the case. I think men are ashamed to not have done sex in their friend group and don’t want to admit it to them. I find that so stupid.

Men always have to act cool surrounding there friends. I didn’t experience rape but if I would be again in a relationship I will set more boundaries. If someone doesn’t respect me and want to cross my boundaries then for me it’s exit. I don’t want a toxic relationship. I also don’t want to talk bad about people because my two year relationship was really great and it was the only one I ever loved in life but you learn from things you experience. People also do change. We all grow up and learn from our mistakes in life.

When he broke up with me I had a broken heart and didn’t how to survive in life without him. I found comfort in kissing random boys which didn’t give a f*ck about me. I was naive and innocent, which I maybe still am a bit but I’m getting better in knowing which people to trust. I was broken and lost during my exchange period in Spain. I was running through the streets late at night, drunk and calling my ex. Of course he didn’t pick up the phone. I just remember that last night I was in Spain partying and that night I was kissing a boy. I only remember that I drank much and that the next morning I woke up sick and had to vomit. I’m so thankful that I’m over those times and that I don’t drink anymore.

I just remember how awful I felt that morning because I felt like something happened the night before but I couldn’t remember it. I knew I was kissing a boy and he was touching me. Maybe, this sounds stupid but I was so afraid that I was pregnant. That didn’t happen thanks god but then I asked that boy on chat if he touched me and he laughed and said yes. I wrote him a message and laughed back. I’m thinking of that now and think how stupid I was too laugh about that. I had to speak up for myself and confront him that it wasn’t okay what he did.

I felt horrible and so guilty because all I felt was that it was completely my fault. I should have not accepted those free drinks. I should have behaved. I should not be at that party that night. I should not have kissed him. Why does women always think this way? Really why? Just because I drank and kissed him didn’t mean I wanted that he touched me without my consent? It’s just not okay. Women are still considered sexual objects in this society and are still in society’s eyes responsible for everything what happens to them regarding sexual assault, harrasment and rape. I find that so hard to understood and it makes me SO angry. There are so many cases in the world where a man don’t end up in jail or don’t have to go many years in jail because they say that the woman didn’t protect herself or because the law still think it’s our fault. We can’t defense ourselves. We just want to feel safe and protected by the law but what if the law even don’t trust us? Then we are really lost in this patriarchy world.

I just wanted to share my experiences in the hope that it helps all women out there ๐Ÿ’œ. You are not alone and you will never be. No is no and when you don’t say anything it’s also no. You decide your boundaries. It’s your body and your life. I hope the ones who suffer from violence against women in any form can get the help they need, professional help, speaking up about it, can talk about it with friends and family members who are there for me and respect them. I mostly hope that we can all feel safe in our bodies, with our lives and in this world. I hope one day we don’t have to feel anxious when walking down the streets at night in fear of our own lives. I really do hope we can all make this world a better place to live in ๐ŸŒ. I will forever be a feminist, speak up about these topics and hopefully one day make a big change for you all, my sisterhood ๐Ÿ‘ฏโ€โ™€๏ธ๐Ÿ’œ.

Thank you all for reading this important blog post. What do you think of sexual consent? Do you agree with me? Did you also experience any form of sexual assault in your life? Let me know in the comments. You can always message me too if anyone wants to talk about anything. I’m always here for you all. We are all warriors! We are all in this together, always! ๐Ÿ’ช

I also want to wish you all a happy Easter as it’s Easter time! ๐Ÿ‡๐Ÿฐ๐Ÿฃ๐Ÿ˜Š May you all enjoy this beautiful Spring season, eat lots of good food, delicious chocolate eggs ๐Ÿฅš and spend time with your loved ones ๐Ÿ’• I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

Much love ๐Ÿ’•,

xoxo Christina

Music of March ๐ŸŽถ๐Ÿ’—

Hey lovelies ๐Ÿ’•,

In this post I will share you my favourite songs from last month March ๐ŸŽถ. I’m sharing a lot of Spanish songs too and hopefully you like them too. I will share some older songs too which I loved listening to. I have a cold right now and feel bad but still wanted to post. Blogging always makes me so happy ๐Ÿ’—โœจ

Duncan Laurence – Arcade (Eurovision The Netherlands)

A broken heart is all that’s left
I’m still fixing all the cracks
Lost a couple of pieces when
I carried it, carried it, carried it home
I’m afraid of all I am
My mind feels like a foreign land
Silence ringing inside my head
Please, carry me, carry me, carry me home

Loving you is a loosing game”

Duncan will represent The Netherlands in Eurovision. I already wrote a lot about him and this song in my latest blog post. Every time I listen to this song I cry and feel emotional. It’s so beautiful and touching. The story is also so beautiful. His inspiration came from a loved one that passed away at an early age. Arcade is a story about the search for the love of your life. Itโ€™s about the hope to reach something that seems unreachable. The water in the video symbolizes the hope.

Miki Nรบรฑez – La Venda (Eurovision Spain)

Miki will represent Spain in Eurovision this year. I already shared this song in this post. The video clip was released in March so I had to put it here. I love it ๐Ÿ˜. This song and video brings only good vibes and an authentic Spanish fiesta ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‡ธ๐ŸŽ‰๐Ÿ’ƒ

Luca Hรคnni – She got me (Eurovision Switzerland)

Luca will represent Switzerland in Eurovision this year. I love the song and the clip. It’s an upbeat song and also reminds me of Spain and the song “Despacito from Luis Fonsi”. I think it will do well on Eurovision.

Alejandro Sanz & Camila Cabello – Mi persona favorita

This is such a beautiful song ๐Ÿ’•. Alejandro Sanz is a famous Spanish singer. I love that he made this song with Camila. Their voices fit perfectly. This song is about Alejandro’s favourite person, his little child. I also love hearing Camila sing in Spanish. She sounds so good!

Sofia Ellar – Baรฑarnos en vaqueros

Sofia Ellar is one of my favourite Spanish singer-songwriters. I loved going to her concert last year as it’s so personal and all her songs are amazing. She just released this new single. It’s about bathing in jeans. In the clip you also see her dancing and bathing with her jeans in the sea. She sings about how about being alone is okay and feels good. I loved the good vibes and I’m just so in live with her voice ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜ I also love her hippie personality and how authentic she always is. That’s how I love to live my life too, as authentic and staying as true to myself as possible.

Ava Max – Sweet but psycho

“Oh, she’s sweet but a psycho
A little bit psycho
At night she’s screamin’, “I’m-ma-ma-ma out my mind”
Oh, she’s hot but a psycho
So left but she’s right though
At night she’s screamin’, “I’m-ma-ma-ma out my mind”

Omgggg this song ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜ I’m in love. Yes I have been living under a rock because I just listened to it. It was on the radio in Spain a lot. Ava Max is amazing. This song is just such a bop. It’s so addicting to listen to this song a million times. I will never get bored. It makes me very happy ๐Ÿค—

Jonas Brothers – Sucker

I’m so happy The Jonas Brothers are back!!! It reminds me of my memories with watching Camp Rock. It was released at the end of February but I listened to it now. I love this song. It has a fancy melody and it’s just really nice.

James Bay ft. Julia Michaels – Peer pressure

They sound so good together. I really like James Bay and Julia Michaels. Julia sing so good with so many artists such as with Niall Horan too. I really like this sweet song.

Sebastiรกn Yatra & Reik – Un aรฑo

I love these two singers so much! This song is so beautiful. It’s about a long distance relationship, a love you didn’t see for one year and they sing about that love is strong enough to survive that. I also really love these kind of songs sang in Spanish because it makes it more romantical. Spanish is a very romantic language.

ROSALรA & J Balvin – Con Altura

I LOVEEEE ROSALรA SOOO MUCH. She’s one of the most popular artists right now in Spain and internationally too. I already wrote about her in this post. I love her album “El mal querer”. This song is different than what she normally makes but it’s nice. This is more the reggeaton genre than pop or flamenco. J Balvin also sings reggeaton songs.

Mark Ronson ft. Miley Cyrus – Nothing breaks like a heart

“This world can hurt you
It cuts you deep and leaves a scar
Things fall apart, but nothing breaks like a heart
And nothing breaks like a heart”

I’m always late to the party hahaha ๐Ÿ˜‚ so I just listened to this song right now and a lot in Spain because it was on the radio a lot. I loveeee it. I have to admit that I don’t know Mark Ronson. I love the powerful voice of Miley. It sounds amazing. I also can relate so much to the lyrics. It’s true that nothing breaks you more than a heart ๐Ÿ’”.

Julia Michals – Deep

I really want to go one of her concerts as I never went before. I love her every day more and more. She’s so authentic and lovely. This song is on her newest album “Inner monologue part 1″ which was released in January. The video clip of the song was released in March. I love this song. I can’t wait for the second part of her new album.

Julia Michaels – Apple

The video clip of this song was also released last month. It’s so beautiful with all the flowers ๐Ÿ’๐ŸŒธ๐ŸŒผ๐ŸŒป๐ŸŒน. This is one of my favourite songs from her new album together with the song “Anxiety”.

Thank you all for reading this blog post. What was your favourite song from my post? Which music did you listen to last month? What’s your favourite artist/music genre? Let me know lovelies. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

Much love ๐Ÿ’•,

xoxo Christina

March favourites ๐ŸŒผ๐ŸŒป๐ŸŒž

Hey lovelies ๐Ÿ’•,

Today I will share you my favourites from the month March. I also felt sad and very anxious because of the upcoming interview for the internship in the 5 stars hotel in Spain which I shared in my last post. I want to share you some of my favourite things from March such as Spring time, delicious Spanish and Mexican food I’ve eaten, concert tickets I bought, travel trips, my favourite song I’ve listen to and much more. It’s great to reflect on the positive things ๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ’—.

My favourite song of the month ๐ŸŽถ:

The Netherlands, Duncan Laurence – Arcade

“I spent all of the love I’ve saved
We were always a losing game
Small-town boy in a big arcade
I got addicted to a losing game

Ooh, ooh
All I know, all I know
Loving you is a losing game”

I love Eurovision Song Festival so much. Every year I watch it with my mother. I love to hear the songs of all the countries. Music unites people. Since I heard the song of The Netherlands I was in awe. I couldn’t stop listening to this masterpiece. Duncan Laurence will represents The Netherlands with the song “Arcade”. The music video is so beautiful. I’m crying every time I hear it and watch it. This song is so beautiful and special. It gives me all the feelings. It’s so unique, vulnerable, honest and sensitive. He sing so beautiful, the lyrics is beautiful and the whole melody and chorus and everything is just WOW. Duncan is a 24 year old boy who studied at the RockAcademy in Tilburg. I love that for once The Netherlands is sending an unknown artist. I love to discover new music and artists.

He made this song during his studies at the RockAcademy. His inspiration came from a loved one that passed away at an early age. Arcade is a story about the search for the love of your life. Itโ€™s about the hope to reach something that seems unreachable. The water surface in the video represents the hope. The nude reflects the vulnerability and perhaps the rebirth from the hope. I really do hope The Netherlands for once wins with this unbelievable beautiful song which gives me goosebumps every time I listen to it. If a song can make you feel so much emotion and if the singer also brings that emotion to the audience then for me it’s definitely a winner ๐Ÿ†๐Ÿ˜ I really want to be able to see The Netherlands and also Spain win Eurovision Song Contest for once in my life.

My favourite serie I watched ๐Ÿ“บ:

Cuรฉntame Cรณmo Pasรณ

Cuรฉntame Cรณmo Pasรณ is also known as Remember when and is a Spanish television drama series. It’s the longest running prime-time series in the history of television in Spain. The 20th season has started last week on Thursday and I’m so happy. I love to watch it with my mother. I’ve watched almost all episodes until now. The serie is about the experiences of a middle-class family, the Alcรกntaras, during the last years of the rule of Francisco Franco and the beginning of the Spanish transition to democracy. You learn so much about the history of Spain because they tell you it. So many series in Spain are based on the past. I also love all the actors so much. I feel so much watching it. I cry with them and laugh.

Spanish serie Cuรฉntame Cรณmo Pasรณ picture

My favourite gifts I got/I bought ๐ŸŽ:

Perfume Paco Rabanne and O’Neill sweater

I went to eat soup in the church with my mother and a friend of her. I love that friend so much. Afterwards, we went to her home and she gave me some nice gifts which she always does. I love people who are so generous. Last time she also gave me the perfume from Paco Rabanne. This time she gave me the one of Lady Million Eau my gold! It smells so good. Does anyone have this perfume? I also got a beautiful pink sweater from the surf brand O’Neill. My mother also got a bunch of clothes just all for free. So sweet! The perfume was new and the clothes were never used.

Concert tickets for the concert 1016 from Alfred Garcia

Last month I bought concert tickets for the concert 1016 from Alfred Garcia. I bought it the same day the tickets were on sale. I love concerts and I miss going to concerts so much. The last concert I went to was with my best friend to Passenger a few months ago. The concert will take place the 31th of May in Valladolid. Just one day before my birthday. Best birthday present ever! I really need to be in Spain to enjoy this beautiful concert with my good friend. Alfred Garcia makes beautiful music and compose every song by himself. His music is just sooooo amazing ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜ I also wrote about his music in this post.

Concert tickets of Alfred Garcia

My favourite food I have eaten ๐Ÿฒ๐Ÿฐ๐ŸŒฎ:

Eating soup in the church

I ate delicious soup for free in the church with my mother and her friend. This is typical during the days before Easter in the church near to our house in The Netherlands. It was so good to see the conductor from a choir and other familiar people I know. They were happy to see me and it made me even feel emotional. I sang in this children’s choir many years too besides singing in my other choir for 11 years. We also donated money for children in Africa to get access to clean water. In total we all donated โ‚ฌ211 for this charity. It always feels good to do something good for the world.

Eating tomato soup in the church

Delicious Spanish tortilla de patatas

After eating soup in the church I ate a delicious Spanish tortilla with my mother made by that same friend at her home. Spanish vibes always! Viva Espaรฑa!

Tortilla de patatas

Enjoying Mexican food at Havana in The Hague

I ate at my favourite restaurant in The Hague which is Havana with my lovely mother ๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿด I loved the Social Deal and the Mexican food so much. We ate a delicious tomato soup, burritos and fajitas with tortilla’s, rice, chicken, guacamole, crรจme fraice and cheese. As dessert I had a delicious monta cuba which was vanilla ice-cream with chocolate sauce and whipped cream. My mother ate a delicious chocolate pie with whipped cream. It was a delicious meal with good service! I also loved the Spanish music. It reminds me of the nights I used to dance here with my friends after studying. I miss those times and felt nostalgic. I have such great memories of this beautiful city. The Hague will be forever in my heart and is one of my favourites cities in The Netherlands.

Delicious pie with mint tea in the restaurant Molenplas

I enjoyed a nice night with my mother and a Spanish friend to eat delicious pie with mint tea in the Molenplas. This is the restaurant which we have near to our house in Holland. My mother ate a delicious chocolate brownie, the Spanish friend ate apple pie and I ate a caramel toffee pie with whipped cream. It was so yummy! I had never tried that pie before and I loved it.

Caramel fudge pie, brownie and apple pie

Dutch fondue with my family

Before I went to Spain with my mother I had a delicious Dutch fondue with my lovely family: me, my parents, my brother and his wife. We had a fondue with meat together with potatoes, different sauces and a salad. As dessert we ate vanilla ice-cream and fruits mmm ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿด๐Ÿ˜‹

Other favourite things ๐Ÿ’—:

Enjoying Spring time in The Netherlands and in Spain๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒป๐Ÿฃ๐Ÿ’

I enjoyed Spring time both in Spain and in The Netherlands. I love that it’s finally Spring. It was about time. I really don’t like the winter. I was so done with it. My favourite season is Summer but I love Spring too. I love seeing the flowers blossom, the animals awake and the beautiful nature. I went for some walks and also used my bike in The Netherlands. It felt good to finally feel the warmth of the sunshine on my skin. Life is better with sunshine and good weather.

Trip to the city Leรณn in Spain with my mother

I went to the city Leรณn with my mother a week ago. It’s a city just two hours away from Valladolid. We went to a spa hotel which was amazing. I loved to use the jacuzzi and swimming pool with my mother. It was so relaxing. I also loved to visit the beautiful cathedral with the stained window glasses. The tapas were also so delicious. You get a free tapa when you order a drink. It was an amazing trip and I will share more of it in detail in another post.

My niece slept in our home for one night

My niece slept one night in our home with me and my parents. My brother and his wife had to take pictures at a hotel that night near to our house. It was for an event for donating money for a sick child. It was really nice to spend some time with my niece. She is a wild and happy child. We took her to our park too with my other brother and wife. After walking a bit she said: “I can’t take another step”. Hahaha that made me laugh so much because she was saying it so dramatic like we have walked so much which wasn’t the case. Then my brother and wife carried her home. She woke up early but fortunately my parents put her in bath and played music. Noanne also loves to go to my room as I’ve so many things haha it feels likes Disney World. I’m also just happy it was just for one night. I’m not sure if one day I will have a child. To be honest it feels really overwhelming to have kids when you suffer from anxiety at the same time.

Thank you so much for reading this blog post. I really loved to write it even though it’s always a lot of work. What were your favourites from my post? What did you enjoy in March? Did you also enjoy Spring time in your country? Let me know lovelies. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

Much love ๐Ÿ’•,

xoxo Christina

I rocked my internship interview today! ๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿ’—

Hey lovelies ๐Ÿ’•,

Before I want to share with you all my March favourites I want to share you this blog post. In this post I will write about how well I did my internship interview today at the 5 stars hotel in a village near to Valladolid called Sardรณn de Duero. I already wrote in this blog post about how I applied for this internship and how I did my Skype interview. I was so anxious to do that and had to take a benzo medication for my anxiety before I did it. It went pretty well. After two weeks they emailed me back that they wanted to do a personal interview when I was going to Spain which brings me to here.

I was pretty excited about it but also super scared and anxious. Anxiety never leaves me and is pretty high lately so I suffer a lot. I had this personal interview planned two weeks ago but I was so anxious that I postponed it until today. I can’t keep postponing as it will not help me to face my fears. So I decided to do it today the 2th of April at 11.30 in the morning which is so early for me as my sleep routine is messed up as usually.

I went to bed last night with anxiety and took a benzo to calm me down. The strange thing is that it made my heartbeat faster when I just wanted to feel calm and have a normal heartbeat. I slept like 6 hours which is way too less for me and when I woke up I felt again anxious. I’m happy I did the interview today because yesterday I had to go to the toilet often because of drinking a milkshake in the weekend which was too cold together with my period coming and anxiety. I still felt anxious though so I took a benzo again but felt again like my heart was beating so fast. This time I wasn’t nauseous and I just ate some cookies so almost nothing to not vomit from anxiety. I also took some sugar to not be dizzy. I have to prepared for everything always.

I almost didn’t want to go again today but I went with my lovely mother. We were supposed to go with the taxi and then the bus from Valladolid but at the end we went with the taxi all the way to Sardรณn de Duero because otherwise we would have to walk from that village to the hotel which was about 4 km. The woman who drove the taxi was very nice and gave us a discount of โ‚ฌ15 because the total price was โ‚ฌ30. In Holland it would be even more expensive. I was happy that we were on time. We still had to walk a bit to the hotel as the hotel is in such a beautiful place full of vine yards and beautiful nature ๐Ÿฉ๐ŸŒฒ๐ŸŒณ๐Ÿ‡.

When we arrived at the main entrance of the hotel a woman came to us and said that we also could have gone with the taxi until the entrance. I said the name of the woman I was searching for the interview. Then we had to call by the wine office and they opened the door. All the doors are locked and there are cameras everywhere. I guess it’s normal because it’s a 5 stars hotel and also the best hotel in Spain and Portugal and one of the best in the world. We waited downstairs until the woman from my skype interview came downstairs and I could go upstairs to the office. She said that I could go to that room and then closed the door. That was the worst of it haha the waiting part. I felt soooo anxious and my heart was beating so fast ๐Ÿ˜ฅ. Maybe I waited for only 5 or 10 minutes but it felt much longer.

Finally, the woman from HR came and also the man who interviewed me through Skype who is the director of butlers. They asked me almost the same questions as through the Skype interview which I liked because I was prepared for it. I told my strengths and weaknesses. I told them I’m compassionate, sensitive and helpful person. I also said that I would have to improve dealing with pressure in work and in life and better planning. They told me about what I would do as a trainee. I would have to work being a recepcionist but also having personalised contact with the clients. This hotel is super special because there’s a special service of being a butler which means bringing a welcome drink to the room of the guests and putting flowers in the room before they arrive. These special things is what makes the guests come back because they love the personalised service in this unique hotel. This hotel also has a spa, makes their own wine and there are yoga classes and meditation. I really need to stay here once even though it cost โ‚ฌ400 for one night but it’s definitely worth it ๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿ’—

I also talked in English to prove that I can speak well English. The only bad thing is that I need an agreement from my university and since I’m not studying anymore I don’t know if I will get that. It’s almost two years since I graduated. Hopefully, I can fix a paper or something. They also told me that I would get โ‚ฌ250 and accomodation and food which depends of the shift. The morning shifts are really early from 7 o’clock till 3 o’clock and the afternoon shifts are from 3 o’clock till 11 o’clock. I would have to live with some other trainees in a house in the village of Sardรณn de Duero which is 4 km from the hotel. I don’t know if I would walk to the hotel or go with someone. That also makes me anxious because I’m so used to live at home by my parents and that feels safe. I only lived once with a family during my exchange time and it went wrong. I felt so anxious and began to drink much which isn’t the case anymore but I still find it hard to trust people. I also love to have my privacy. They say they have people from all over the world doing an internship there.

I’m just happy I did it because it’s a huge milestone for me to overcome this fear today. It was definitely outside my comfortzone. They were all so friendly and I shouldn’t have been worried about it but that’s the curse of suffering with anxiety. The hotel is unbelievable beautiful and in the middle of nowhere full of pines, nature and vine yards ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ‡. I love the smell of the pines. It creates a sense of peace and happiness โœจ. At the end of the interview we said goodbye and they will tell me if I get the internship or not. It also depends if I get the agreement from my university as they are also going to contact my university. It’s going to be almost impossible to be honest. I went downstairs again where my mother was waiting and the woman of HR who was just a few years older than me showed us the way which we had to follow to go to the village to catch the bus to Valladolid. She was from the same village where my grandmother was a teacher. Such a coincidence. They almost even wanted to bring us by car but I said that we could walk it. They said it would be 10 minutes well my mother and I walked 35 minutes haha so much ๐Ÿ˜‚. It was a nice walk within the pines along side the river Duero. It was also sunny so it was okay ๐ŸŒž๐Ÿ‘Œ.

In the village we had to wait like almost two hours for the bus to Valladolid because that’s the bad thing of living in a village. There are not many buses during a day. One day I will have to learn to drive car even though I’m scared of that too. Sometimes it makes life easier. We ate at the bus station of Valladolid a delicious meal with potatoes, some meat, eggs and as dessert ice cream and yoghurt. I was then crying and I also cried a lot at home later because I felt emotional and anxious after the whole day.

Also I was angry because I don’t want to go again to Holland because I feel like I always have to go where my parents go because I have no money. I also don’t want to feel pressured again to search for a job there. I was also angry because I’m already two weeks in Spain and didn’t see any of my friends. I was suppose to meet one friend and again she couldn’t see me. I’m just so done with it all. I feel like I connect more with internet friends nowadays than real friends. I’m done being there always for everybody when almost nobody is there for me. It hurt so much ๐Ÿ˜ข. I also went to the church today to light up some candles to bring peace in my heart ๐Ÿ™. Fortunately, I could make the suitcase today and watch a nice Spanish serie with my mother at home. I’m just happy this day is over ๐Ÿ’ช.

Thank you all for reading this blog post and listening to me. What do you think of this internship? Do you have any tips? How would I get that agreement of my university when I’m not studying there anymore? Let me know your thoughts. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

Much love ๐Ÿ’•,

xoxo Christina