Let’s talk about sexual consent and my experiences with it

Hey lovelies πŸ’•,

I find it important to talk about feminism, self love and everything related to it on my blog. As I’ve been reading the awesome blog of Ashley I read an important post about sexual consent which inspired me to write about it. April is Sexual Assault Awareness month. There’s no better time to write about it and also about some of my experiences regarding to this topic. I don’t know if this is too much information to share but I will share it anyway. That’s what my blog is for, to be always vulnerable, open and honest.

Sexual consent is agreeing to be sexual with someone. The two of them have to agree on it. What I often experienced and saw around me happening was that when a women don’t say NO or just isn’t sure it means she says yes. I have never been raped but I know there are so many women in the world who have been raped and even murdered. It isn’t their fault yet society still blames the victim which in many cases is a women. When I was reading what sexual assualt means I was thinking about my own experiences. I always thought that the things which men did to me wasn’t a big deal compared to a women who have been raped. I began to realize that my experiences were also not okay. Not because someone else has it worse doesn’t mean the things you experience don’t count. It all count because you feel it and have experience it.

“Sexual assault is any type of sexual activity or contact that you do not consent to. Sexual assault can happen through physical force or threats of force or if the attacker gave the victim drugs or alcohol as part of the assault. Sexual assault includes rape and sexual coercion.” In the United States, one in three women has experienced some type of sexual violence. If you have been sexually assaulted, it is not your fault, regardless of the circumstances. This the real definition of sexual assualt from the website https://www.womenshealth.gov/.

So this made me think because I have experienced this in my life. I have experienced this with the only relationship I have had in my life. I remember that there were times he just wanted to have sex and I just didn’t want. You can’t force someone, right? I also was crying sometimes and we fight about it once or twice…. I told this once to a mental health worker a few years ago and said it wasn’t okay what happened in my relationship. It wasn’t a bad relationship but these things weren’t okay. I remember how my ex said that if he didn’t had sex before 18 he would go to the red light destrict. Maybe, it was a joke but I still didn’t like those jokes. He told his friends that we have done it when it wasn’t the case. I think men are ashamed to not have done sex in their friend group and don’t want to admit it to them. I find that so stupid.

Men always have to act cool surrounding there friends. I didn’t experience rape but if I would be again in a relationship I will set more boundaries. If someone doesn’t respect me and want to cross my boundaries then for me it’s exit. I don’t want a toxic relationship. I also don’t want to talk bad about people because my two year relationship was really great and it was the only one I ever loved in life but you learn from things you experience. People also do change. We all grow up and learn from our mistakes in life.

When he broke up with me I had a broken heart and didn’t how to survive in life without him. I found comfort in kissing random boys which didn’t give a f*ck about me. I was naive and innocent, which I maybe still am a bit but I’m getting better in knowing which people to trust. I was broken and lost during my exchange period in Spain. I was running through the streets late at night, drunk and calling my ex. Of course he didn’t pick up the phone. I just remember that last night I was in Spain partying and that night I was kissing a boy. I only remember that I drank much and that the next morning I woke up sick and had to vomit. I’m so thankful that I’m over those times and that I don’t drink anymore.

I just remember how awful I felt that morning because I felt like something happened the night before but I couldn’t remember it. I knew I was kissing a boy and he was touching me. Maybe, this sounds stupid but I was so afraid that I was pregnant. That didn’t happen thanks god but then I asked that boy on chat if he touched me and he laughed and said yes. I wrote him a message and laughed back. I’m thinking of that now and think how stupid I was too laugh about that. I had to speak up for myself and confront him that it wasn’t okay what he did.

I felt horrible and so guilty because all I felt was that it was completely my fault. I should have not accepted those free drinks. I should have behaved. I should not be at that party that night. I should not have kissed him. Why does women always think this way? Really why? Just because I drank and kissed him didn’t mean I wanted that he touched me without my consent? It’s just not okay. Women are still considered sexual objects in this society and are still in society’s eyes responsible for everything what happens to them regarding sexual assault, harrasment and rape. I find that so hard to understood and it makes me SO angry. There are so many cases in the world where a man don’t end up in jail or don’t have to go many years in jail because they say that the woman didn’t protect herself or because the law still think it’s our fault. We can’t defense ourselves. We just want to feel safe and protected by the law but what if the law even don’t trust us? Then we are really lost in this patriarchy world.

I just wanted to share my experiences in the hope that it helps all women out there πŸ’œ. You are not alone and you will never be. No is no and when you don’t say anything it’s also no. You decide your boundaries. It’s your body and your life. I hope the ones who suffer from violence against women in any form can get the help they need, professional help, speaking up about it, can talk about it with friends and family members who are there for me and respect them. I mostly hope that we can all feel safe in our bodies, with our lives and in this world. I hope one day we don’t have to feel anxious when walking down the streets at night in fear of our own lives. I really do hope we can all make this world a better place to live in 🌍. I will forever be a feminist, speak up about these topics and hopefully one day make a big change for you all, my sisterhood πŸ‘―β€β™€οΈπŸ’œ.

Thank you all for reading this important blog post. What do you think of sexual consent? Do you agree with me? Did you also experience any form of sexual assault in your life? Let me know in the comments. You can always message me too if anyone wants to talk about anything. I’m always here for you all. We are all warriors! We are all in this together, always! πŸ’ͺ

I also want to wish you all a happy Easter as it’s Easter time! πŸ‡πŸ°πŸ£πŸ˜Š May you all enjoy this beautiful Spring season, eat lots of good food, delicious chocolate eggs πŸ₯š and spend time with your loved ones πŸ’• I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

Much love πŸ’•,

xoxo Christina


17 thoughts on “Let’s talk about sexual consent and my experiences with it

  1. Sadly, I’m surprised when I meet someone and find they haven’t experienced sexual assault in some form. I don’t think we’re taught as children that we can say no, and that having someone’s consent is vital. I only learnt in my late teens it’s ok to say no and upset people! This is such an important topic to talk about, thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences πŸ’™

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for your comment πŸ’—. That’s definitely the hard truth. I totally agree with you. It’s like we always have to say yes to everything and also to feel guilty about it when it’s our lives and our decisions. We have the right to make them.

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  2. Thank you for sharing. I think many women will find this helpful. I was never forced or raped, but the man I was married to had a sex addiction. When we married, I’d never been with anyone. Everything was new, so I’m sure it wasn’t super exciting compared to the porn movies he had watched. Two years into the marriage I discovered he was calling sex lines. He claimed he was β€œbored” with me. For the next five years I felt it was my responsibility to make him happy. I felt so much guilt, feeling I had a driven him to find pleasure elsewhere. Three kids later, his sex addiction to online sex chat and porn had escalated to the point I worried whether my girls were safe. I knew it was time to leave. I’m finally at a point where I know it was not my fault he was the way he was. He should have never made me feel guilty for not living up to his unrealistic expectations. No one should have to carry that burden.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your comment! πŸ’— I’m sorry you had to experience all of that. It’s definitely not your fault. You have to make yourself happy. I’m glad you got out of that relationship and also for the safety of your children. I wish you all the love, luck and happiness in your life πŸ€πŸ’•πŸŒ·

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Well done for writing this, I am SO proud of you. Thank you for being so brave and sharing your story, I can’t tell you how much it makes a difference. Love you so much and my heart goes out to all of these brave and amazing women who have been treated in such ways xxx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for reading lovely πŸ’• I really do hope it makes a difference as I wrote from my heart. I always want to be honest. Feminist forever πŸ’œπŸ’ͺ Love you so much too! xoxo

      Liked by 1 person

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