Life struggles

Hey lovelies ๐Ÿ’•,

Today I want to talk about how I’m feeling lately especially last week. I have been struggling with life, with myself and just everything in general. I love to always be honest here because this community as well as the Yoga Girl community on Facebook and the mental health community on Instagram are always there for me ๐Ÿ’–. In this fake world I’m so happy to have found a place where I can be ๐Ÿ’ฏ% myself, vulnerable and honest. There are so many fake people out there who say they are your friend which isn’t true. They don’t care about how you are really feeling. They are just curious and want to gossip around. That’s just the sad reality.

So, I feel that life is a struggle lately. I’m having such a bad sleep routine like always. I’m sorry if I keep repeating myself. I can’t sleep the whole night and then have to sleep in the middle of the night until the afternoon. I really hope I can change this routine soon because it isn’t good for my health to live like this. I feel bad too because I saw my mother crying a few days ago. It hurts me the most to see her crying because she’s always so strong but at the end she breaks down like everyone. She was not feeling well and she also don’t like to see me suffering ๐Ÿ˜ข๐Ÿ’”.

I’m also struggling, feeling emotional and anxious because of being so afraid of going once to the dentist. I know I have to do it one day but I keep postponing it because of fear. My four wisdom teeth are impacted. I know my wisdom teeth need to get out since like two years ago or so. Dentist anxiety is real and there’s nothing to be ashamed of. I’m not the only one who suffers with this. I had a bad experience with a dentist in The Netherlands who called me childish and said I was acting like someone who has 15 years old. This caused me having a panic attack after the visit. This also increased my dental anxiety more.

Last September I went to the dentist here in Spain where my mother also had to do a dental implant. He is really handsome haha and also nice. He understands my anxiety and didn’t find it strange or weird that I was crying there. I know they are all 4 impacted but as the dentist here said it’s better to get it done one by one. I don’t want anyone to push me to do it so hopefully I can face this fear this Summer. Summer time is for happiness but I know I have to do it. I also felt strange things sometimes in my mouth, have a bad stomach and I’m nauseous sometimes. Maybe it is because of my wisdom teeth. I was crying these nights and being emotional also because I have my period. Maybe, I could take valium from my mother to use it when I go to the dentist. If anyone knows a tip or something I would really appeciate it. I know that at the end all my worries don’t come out. It’s just that horrible feeling of anxiety which makes me feel like I can’t cope with it. I know many people who suffer from a mental illness know how hard it is to not listen to our mind and all our worries. It isn’t so easily to snap out of it. I just can’t.

I also am still struggling with finding a job. My dream is to live and work in Spain but it’s difficult. If you want to work in the public sector in Spain you need to do an exam. Even then it is difficult to get the job. I apply for jobs in hotels on Infojobs and other websites but I don’t get an answer. I’m also so anxious to get a job because of anxiety. I just don’t know how to do it. I wish I could find a job that is meaningful and purposeful. I didn’t hear anything back from the internship interview in April. I think the hotel needed to have a confirmation for an agreement with my university. I can’t have that since I graduated two years ago. It just feels that my life is standing still while others are going on with their life. I’m just surviving. Afraid of life and afraid of death, what a way of existing.

Also Summer time is here and it’s my fav season ๐ŸŒž๐ŸŒŠ but I also sometimes feel the pressure to be happy all the time. Anxiety doesn’t go away just because it’s Summer. I still can be anxious with things. I also don’t like the heatwave this week. Today it was 37 degrees and tomorrow it will be 41 degrees. I stayed at home today because I also don’t feel good because of this heatwave and having my period. I get these horrible cramps, feel dizzy and have headaches. Thanks to medication and paracatemol it makes it a bit better. 40 degrees is really too much for me and makes me feel sick. Together with my period it’s just the worst ๐Ÿ˜ข. I hope I will survive it ๐Ÿ”ฅ

I really love Summer and enjoy being in the sunshine. I also love to go for walks with my mother or read a nice book or magazine on a bench or on the grass. I bought some nice books last week which I will share in a book haul soon when they arrive. Bad moments don’t go away just because it’s Summer. We have to accept that and live with it. I also can’t wait to really enjoy Summer time. I can’t wait to go surfing, swimming ๐ŸŠ and go to the beach ๐Ÿ„๐ŸŒŠ๐ŸŒž. I also love blogging and penpalling. It’s important to do things we love to do and to have fun. I just hope we all can have a great Summer and enjoy it as we deserve it. I hope we will have good moments full of love, peace and happiness โœŒ๏ธ. I hope we can overcome the bad moments all together ๐Ÿ’ช We are always in this together ๐Ÿ’— It feels good to let my thoughts and feelings out here as I feel like I don’t have to carry it all on my own because that makes it too heavy.

Thank you all for reading this blog post. I hope it somehow made some sense to you. Do you also sometimes feel like life is a struggle? Can you relate to what I feel and how would you cope? Does Summer makes you feel like you have to be happy all the time? I hope you can give me some advice to overcome my fears as I would really appreciate it ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ’—. Thank you for always being there for me. It means the world to me. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

Much love ๐Ÿ’•,

xoxo Christina

Speak up for the people who can’t ๐Ÿ’ช

Hey lovelies ๐Ÿ’•,

Today I just wanted to talk about something important. I will talk about how important it is to speak up for the people who can’t. Many people in our world can’t speak up for their human rights because they may live in countries where there’s a war and are afraid of speaking up. There can be consequences of speaking up. I will talk about many subjects related to this. I hope it will inspire people and make this world a better place to live in ๐ŸŒโœจ๐Ÿ™

I was thinking about this topic when I was listening a few days ago to a postcast from Yoga Girl. It was about the abortion ban in some states in America. This is going on right now and it’s really scary. It felt good to hear this important topic which I also agreed on. I believe that every woman has the right to choose to do what they want with their body and whether they want to have children or not. I don’t want that we are going backwards in history.

It’s really terrifying what’s happening in America. This abortion ban will be bad for all women. Even women who are raped will not have the choice to do an abortion. It’s just a horrible thought for women to have a baby from being raped. You can choose to not do abortion for yourself but to ban it is just not aceptable. It’s a human right. It feels like they are now making a political issue of it. That’s why it’s so important to speak about this. We can’t just accept this. I was happy to go to the first feminist strike in Spain last year and speak up about all the injustice we women have to suffer. We live in a patriarchal world and this just has to change.

This subject isn’t only about women. Speaking up implies in many subjects. Racism still exists and people who say it doesn’t are just afraid to speak about it. They ignore it when it is there. I loved the postcast of Yoga Girl where she talked about white supremacy as I agree so much with it. It feels like an uncomfortable conversation but we have to talk about it and discuss it.

I don’t want the benefits of being a white person. I just want everyone in the world to be equal. I want them to have the same human rights. I want everyone have the same school and job opportunities. I don’t accept people of colour being rejected for a job. I have a good friend of Irak and I hear her stories. She had to leave her country because of war just like many people from Syria and other people from other countries are doing right now. I believe there has to be a good migration plan in every country. Some countries almost don’t accept immagration whereas other countries have an overflow. There has to be a better system for all where everyone feels comfortable, happy and equal.

Also I made this poem below for this blog post and also shared it on my Instagram Sea of words. I hope you will all like this poem. Being bullied made me scared and anxious to speak up. It made me be silenced. I still have a hard time to speak up but I’m learning it because it’s so important to do.

We have to speak up for the people who can’t speak up. I always love to see people speaking up about important topics such as mental health because it makes me feel less alone while struggling from anxiety. If we speak up about an important topic or issue it will make other people feel less alone. It also inspires other people to speak up and to make this world a better world to live in ๐ŸŒโœจ. Even if it makes us scared we have to speak up. Let’s do it all together! Yeahhh, we can do it! ๐Ÿ’ช

Thank you all for reading this blog post. I hope it all inspired you and you loved it. What do you think of speaking up about important topics? Do you also speak up in life? Are you afraid of speaking up and how do you deal with it? Let me know lovelies ๐Ÿ˜˜ I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

Much love ๐Ÿ’•,

xoxo Christina

Music of May ๐ŸŽถ

Hey lovelies ๐Ÿ’•,

I can’t wait to share you all the good music which was released in May ๐ŸŽถ. I’m going to share Spanish music as well as other amazing pop/house/kpop songs.

Panic! At The Disco – High hopes

“Had to have high high hopes for a living
Shooting for the stars when I couldnโ€™t make a killing
Didnโ€™t have a dime but I always had a vision
Always had high high hopes
Had to have high high hopes for a living
Didnโ€™t know how but I always had a feeling
I was gonna be that one in a million
Always had high high hopes

This song was released last year but it was just this month that I heard it on a video and also on the radio. I love Panic! At The Disco and this song is just so amazing. I just heard it again this week in Spain and was dancing like crazy at home. THIS SONG MAKES ME SO HAPPPPPY ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ’ƒ It gives me good vibes and what an amazing lyrics! It’s good to have dreams in life and high hopes. I truly believe we can achieve anything we want in life. The universe always has our back โœจ.

Shawn Mendes – If I can’t have you

Shawn Mendes only makes good music like this song. I love this song! It has a nice beat and his voice is just beautiful. I also love the clip and it just fits perfectly to the song.

Ed Sheeran & Justin Bieber – I don’t care

“We at a party we don’t wanna be at
Tryna talk, but we can’t hear ourselves
Read your lips, I’d rather kiss ’em right back
With all these people all around
I’m crippled with anxiety
But I’m told it’s where I’m supposed to be
You know what? It’s kinda crazy ’cause I really don’t mind
And you make it better like that

This is such a catchy song! ๐Ÿ˜ I love Ed Sheeran and Justin Bieber together. They sound very good together. I also love the random photoshop effects in the video. I also find the lyrics very relatable. I have had times that I was in a party and didn’t want to be there. Also struggling from anxiety makes it harder to enjoy a party. It’s important that they raise awareness about mental health in music because there are so many people from all different ages who listen to it. They will feel less alone when they hear more people are suffering with it.

OG3NE – Starve

“If youโ€™re hungry for love 
Someone who’s the air in your lungs
Someone that you know you can finally trust with your scars
If youโ€™re shaken and cold
And you need somebody to hold
And you are hungry for someone
Who take you as you are

I won’t let you starve”

OG3NE is a beautiful girl group from The Netherlands. These are three beautiful sisters. I love their songs and their beautiful harmony between these three voices. They won The voice of Holland a few years ago and also represented The Netherlands at Junior Song Contest in 2007 and Eurovision Song Contest in 2017. They ended at the 11th place. They sang the beautiful song “Lights and Shadows” which was about their sick mom who later that year died of cancer. I love their songs such as this new song. It’s an amazing song who tells us that there will always be someone who will love us for who we are.

Alvaro Soler – La libertad

I love Alvaro Soler so much! ๐Ÿ’— All his songs are amazing and beautiful. Libertad means freedom in Spanish. The videoclip is beautiful and this song makes me happy. It’s just such a bop. I can’t wait to see him live in concert again. His music makes me happy and it’s good music to dance on too.

Aitana – Nada sale mal

I already mentioned Aitana in other blog posts such as in this blog post. I know Aitana from the Spanish talent show Operaciรณn Triunfo. She became the second finalist. I’m so proud of her and how successful she is now in Spain and also in Latin America. This song is so catchy and I really like it. She is also such a sweet and beautiful girl, just look in her eyes.

Aitana – Con la miel en los labios

Aitana is releasing her new album in June which I will share next month. This is one song of her album. I love balads so much and especially when Aitana sings them. This song is BEAUTIFUL so beautiful ๐Ÿ˜. I love the piano so much too. It’s such a delicate and honest song. She sings so pure with so much emotion. This song is about a passed love. Love changes but never extinguishes. Con la miel en los labios means with the honey on the lips. Aitana loves honey ๐Ÿฏ so it’s a nice name for her new song.

Amaia – El Relรกmpago

I know Amaia like Aitana from the Spanish talent show Operaciรณn Triunfo too. Amaia was the one who won the talent show in 2017. I love her first single because it’s just her. This videoclip and song is her essence. Amaia is just being herself. Her voice is like an angel ๐Ÿ˜‡ . I love the visuals too in the videoclip. It’s just so beautiful and magical ๐Ÿงšโ€โ™€๏ธ

Avicii ft. Agnes, Vargas & Lagola – Though love

โ—ขโ—ค Avicii forever

In June the family of Tim released his postum album. He died a year ago because of suicide. I miss him so much. I’m so thankful that I went once to one of his concerts which I will never ever forget. This is one of his songs in his new album. This song is so good!!! It’s one of my fav songs now. The melody is amazing and the sound of the violins are so amazing too. It makes me emotional to listen to your music. I love you so much and I’m so thankful for your beautiful music. Your music always makes me happy and also guide me through the bad times in life. You will never be forgotten. You are a legend and your legacy is forever ๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ™โœจ. I love this song and all your music so much.

All proceeds of the postum album called Tim will go to the recently established Tim Bergling Foundation, a non-profit that helps prevent mental illness and suicide. I think it’s such a beautiful way to help others in need. Mental health awareness and support is so important.

Kygo & Chelsea Cutler – Not ok

I love Kygo so much. He is definitely one of my favourite dj’s together with Avicii of course. This song is amazing and I also love the lyrics video which is simple & beautiful.

TVXQ! (MAX Solo) – Closer

So I came across this song because of being a fan of Duncan Laurence, the winner of Eurovision for The Netherlands. I wrote all about him in this and this blog post. Duncan Laurence is an amazing singer-songwriter and produced and composed together with some other producers this song. I know many of my readers who are KPOP fans will love this song too. I love it and I love to discover more nice songs! It has a nice beat and yeah music has no boundaries. Even if you don’t know the language you can sing along. Music unites people ๐Ÿ’•๐ŸŽถ. That’s the power of music.

Christina Perri – Tiny victories

“Some days I look in the mirror and I think the meanest things
all the meanest things
some days Iโ€™m holding my self worth up
by a string
a string
but everyday that I donโ€™t hide myself away
to me,
is a tiny victory”

Christina Perri is amazing. This song is so pure and beautiful. I also can relate so much to the lyrics. Self love takes a lot of strength. I also say mean things to myself and feel bad about myself. The day or moment that I’m not doing that is definitely a tiny victory. Every victory counts. We are just trying our best. Don’t be hard on yourself. We will love each other every day a bit more than yesterday. We are all in this together ALWAYS! ๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿ’•

Michela – Chameleon (Malta – Eurovision 2019)

I love this song so much from Michela who represented Malta for Eurovision this year. It’s a catchy song, has a nice beat and has a great melody. Michela is a great singer too and just 18 years old. I also love the tropical vibes in the music video. It just fits perfectly to the song.

Karol G – Ocean

I love this song of Karol G. Her genre is reggeaton and trap but this sounds different and I like it. She sings about how we are going to show the world what love is. It’s a sweet song. I also love the clip which is made on the beach. The ocean is my fav place on the earth ๐ŸŒ๐ŸŒŠ๐Ÿ„โ€โ™€๏ธ๐ŸŒž.

Lola Indigo – New album Akelarre

I already wrote about Lola Indigo in this blog post. I also know her from Operaciรณn Triunfo. She’s such a good dancer and also a great singer. She released her first album called Akelarre which is related to the Witches’ Sabbath (the place where witches hold their meetings). My favourite songs of her are “Amor veneno”, “Game over”, “Maldiciรณn”, “Mujer bruja” and Ya no quiero nรก”. Her album is awesome ๐Ÿ˜ ๐Ÿง™โ€โ™€๏ธ I love all her songs. She left the first in the talent show and is now so successful in Spain. I wish her all she deserves. This project that she has created is just awesome.

Lola Indigo – Amor veneno

Love this song!

Lola Indigo – Game over

Such a good song and I love how she used the words Nintendo, Mario, Game boy and PlayStation! It’s awesome and so catchy.

Lola Indigo ft. Lalo Ebratt – Maldiciรณn

The clip is awesome and the song has such a nice beat!

Lola Indigo ft. Mala Rodrรญguez – Mujer bruja

THIS SONG IS SOOOOO GOOD! I love to see her dancing and singing. Mujer bruja means witch woman. It’s one of my favourite songs of her.

Lola Indigo – Ya no quiero ya nรก

This is my favourite song of Mimi (Lola Indigo). ASDFGHJKL it’s just the best! This was also her first single. The song is amazing, she dances so good and omg it’s just so good!!! Ya no quiero yรก means I don’t want anything anymore. She also sings I’m not your baby, boy.

Thank you all for reading this blog post and listening to my music list of May ๐ŸŽถ๐ŸŽง๐ŸŽผ. Which song was your favourite? What is your favourite artist? Which song did you listen to in May? Let me know in the comments lovelies. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

Much love ๐Ÿ’•,

xoxo Christina

May favourites ๐ŸŽ‰๐ŸŽถ๐ŸŒธ๐ŸŒž

Hola lovelies ๐Ÿ’•,

May was a great month where I spend much time with my family and also with my friends. In this post I’m going to tell you about my favourites in May such as stationery shopping, my early birthday celebration with my friends, celebrating Mother’s Day in The Netherlands, The Netherlands winning Eurovision๐ŸŽ™๏ธand much more. I hope you will all like it.

Things I did with my family ๐Ÿ‘ช:

The Netherlands winning Eurovision Song Contest 2019 ๐Ÿ‡ณ๐Ÿ‡ฑ ๐ŸŽถ

For me this was the most important event which happened in May. I wrote a whole blog post about it which you can read here. Duncan Laurence represented The Netherlands with the beautiful song Arcade, a story about hope and loss. I’m so happy to have experienced this feeling of seeing my country winning Eurovision with my mother. It’s just such a beautiful feeling full of emotion, happiness and excitement. I will never ever forget this night. The 18th of May will be forever in my mind. He wrote history. After 44 years The Netherlands finally won Eurovision. Now, it’s time for Spain to win too! I can’t wait to see Eurovision live next year.

Thank you Duncan for making me so proud of you, your music and just everything! I love you so much ๐Ÿ’• I already also bought tickets for his concert in Ziggo Dome in Amsterdam in March 2020. He is going to do a tour this year in The Netherlands and in Europe. He will sing in the greatest venue which is The Ziggo Dome next year. I’m so excited to go to his concert with my friend! ๐Ÿ˜๐ŸŽถ

Celebrating my early birthday with my family ๐Ÿ‘ช

I had a great afternoon celebrating my early birthday with my family in May! ๐ŸŽ‰๐Ÿ˜๐ŸŽ I celebrated it earlier because of going to Spain. We ate delicious apple pie ๐Ÿฐ from the Hema and went to the park. My daddy put whipping cream in the mouth of my niece hahaha it was so funny ๐Ÿ˜‚ I got some nice presents and cards which I didn’t open until my birthday. I’m going to share that with you all in my birthday haul. I love to save the gifts and cards because they mean a lot to me. Especially a handwritten letter means the world because a person takes the time to write you something personal. Thank you all so much! I love my family so much ๐Ÿ’–

Celebrating Mother’s Day ๐Ÿ’๐ŸŒท

We celebrated Mother’s Day in The Netherlands ๐Ÿ‡ณ๐Ÿ‡ฑ with my family (my parents, my brother, his wife and her brother and mother). It was so nice to be all together. I gave my mother a beautiful flower bouquet with different flowers and colours. I love Greetz.nl so much! The service and quality is amazing ๐Ÿ˜. I also gave her a handmade card.

My brother Rafael gave her beautiful yellow roses, Milka chocolate and a card. My other brother Edward gave her also beautiful pink, violet flowers and a card. It was a beautiful surprise to get it when we were eating. The food was so delicious! ๐Ÿ˜‹ We ate meat, salad, potatoes, bread, fruits, ice cream and much more. What I love the most was the delicious Spanish tortilla de patata which the mother of Verรณnica made.

Family time in the Cruquius ๐Ÿ’—

Me, my mother, the brother and mother of Verรณnica went an afternoon to the Cruquius. That’s near to my house. I went with the bike and felt a bit dizzy afterwards because there was some wind. I’m not used to go biking anymore. We enjoyed a delicious lunch. I love bread with kroket which is typical Dutch food! I also loved the heart candies. It was great weather. I went with my bike ๐Ÿšฒ and we also walked. Afterwards, we took the ferry boat to go the Molenplas which is the park near to my house. We also saw the lovely ๐Ÿฎ cows. We had such a nice time together!

Sunny days in the garden ๐ŸŒž

I love to be in my garden in The Netherlands. It’s nice to enjoy the sunshine there with my mother. In Spain we don’t have a home with a garden just an apartment. I just love to have a garden so much ๐Ÿ’• It’s relaxing to enjoy the sunshine and just be present that moment. I love to read there too. I was reading in that moment the poetry book “Moon theory” from Robert M. Drake which is beautiful.

Eating delicious ice cream ๐Ÿ˜‹๐Ÿจ

I ate delicious ice cream with mamita during a day we went to the shopping centre near to my house. I love ice cream with sprinkles. I always ate this ice cream when I was younger and I still do it. It brings me so much good vibes and it is so yummy mmmm! ๐Ÿ˜

Stationery shopping ๐Ÿ›’๐Ÿ›๏ธ

I went to my favourite shop called Action in The Netherlands and bought a lot of nice stationery. I’m so addicted to buy stationery. I love everything and I can’t wait to use it to write beautiful letters to my pen pals. I bought some amazing stickers, sticky notes, pens, washi tape and cards to make. I also loved the awesome quotes and thoughts about astrology and the universe which I bought ๐ŸŒŒโœจ

Trip to Spain ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‡ธ

Right now, I’m in Spain since last Tuesday with my mother. It was an early flight which I always hate but we survived it haha. I don’t like flying at 7 o’clock since I didn’t sleep anything that night and felt dead lol. However, I’m always happy to be in Spain. I can’t wait for Summer time to travel with my friends, go surfing ๐Ÿ„โ€โ™€๏ธ, go to the beach ๐Ÿ–๏ธ๐ŸŒŠ๐ŸŒด๐ŸŒž and just have fun. It was really hot last weekend like 34 degrees. Right now, it’s around 20 degrees but there’s some wind so it feels cold. The weather is really crazy. The nights are also cold like 7 degrees. In The Netherlands it’s stormy now. I’m sure Summer time will come soon.

Things I did with my friends ๐Ÿ’•:

Celebrating my early birthday at Hart Beach ๐Ÿ„โ€โ™€๏ธ๐ŸŒŠ๐ŸŒž

I had such a great time with my friends three weeks ago at my favourite restaurant Hart Beach. I was anxious to go because I didn’t sleep enough because of feeling so excited and so much emotions because the night before was the final of Eurovision. I love this surf ๐Ÿ„โ€โ™€๏ธ restaurant so much. I also went surfing with Hart Beach in the past. I can’t wait to go surfing again. I’m thankful for my lovely friends and the lovely presents they gave me. I love the food and service so much here. Alohaaaa pura vida vibes! ๐Ÿ’—โœŒ๏ธI can’t wait to go back.

I had a children’s menu and it was much food and so good! I loved the chicken nuggets, salad and potatoes. My friends ate another children’s menu with hamburger, some vega food, sweet potatoes and salad. They have such good food to choose from. I also enjoyed a delicious sunset smoothie with papaya, mango, coco ๐Ÿฅฅ, and apple. As dessert we enjoyed a delicious pie and dame blanche which is vanilla ice cream with warm chocolate sauce and whipped cream. It’s my favourite dessert ever ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿจ. I always choose that whenever I go to a restaurant.

It was really cold so unfortunately we couldn’t sit outside. Almost every time I go to the beach in Holland it isn’t that great weather ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ–๏ธ Hopefully, next time better. I really enjoyed spending time with them all and seeing my friends again. Having family and friends is so important in life because they make you happy. I’m so grateful to have all these good people in life who always cheer me up and with who I can have fun with. I love you all SO much! ๐Ÿ˜˜

My besties birthday party ๐ŸŽ‰๐ŸŽ‚

My besties birthday was on the 21th of May but she celebrated it Friday the 24th of May. I was also anxious to go to this party because sometimes I feel a pressure to drink when I don’t want. I don’t take antidepressants anymore for my anxiety since it didn’t help anymore. I take sometimes a benzo. However, I just don’t want to drink much alcohol anymore. I also feel sometimes anxious in groups of people I don’t know.

I had a great time and was happy that I went. I had some good talks with a nice girl from her class. It felt great to speak up about my bullying experience since I’m not alone in this. I also had a great time talking to her family which I know very well. I only drank a bit of wine ๐Ÿท which is okay and there was delicious food such as nachos with guacamole, bread with aioli and a delicious pie called mon-sou made by her girlfriend ๐ŸŽ‚ It was a pie with cherries ๐Ÿ’, biscuits and whipping cream. I loved it!

Concert of Alfred Garcia ๐ŸŽถ ๐ŸŽธ

There is no better way to celebrate your birthday with a good concert. Last Friday before my birthday I went to the concert of Alfred Garcia with my good Spanish friend ๐ŸŽถ๐ŸŽ‰๐Ÿ’• It was awesome! He is such an amazing artist. He is humble, honest and sensitive. He is different than other artists and that’s what I love the most about him. Some may call him strange but I call that being authentic. Being authentic in a world where society constantly tries to change you is such a beautiful thing to be. He is an amazing singer-songwriter.

I love all his songs of the album 1016 and of course I have his album at home. Buying the music is really important for an artist. My favourite songs of him are definitely “Por si te hace falta” where I cried and felt so happy to have my friend by my side, “Londres”, “Wonder”, “Que nos sigan las luces”, “Et vull veure” and “De la tierra hasta marte”. All his songs are beautiful though.

Thank you Alfred for being such an amazing artist ๐Ÿ’—. We met Joe who was the jury in Operaciรณn Triunfo, the talentshow where Alfred was part of. Your concert was amazing. He was also sick that day but your voice was beautiful as always. I’m thankful for your music who always make me feel so many emotions. Thank you for being always so supportive, speaking up about mental illnesses, and making this world a better place to live in ๐ŸŒ. I’m thankful to live in a world where there exists such amazing artists like you. Thank you for everything. I’m sad we couldn’t meet you but hopefully we will meet you soon. Stay the way you are ๐ŸŒŸ I love you loads ๐Ÿ’•.

Another awesome thing of May:

Taking a bath with a Lush bath bomb ๐Ÿ›€

I bought a nice Lush bath bomb online and used it in The Netherlands since we don’t have a bath in Spain. It was the bath bomb called Groovy Kind Of Love full of beautiful colours ๐ŸŒˆ. It’s amazing for a hippie girl like me. I loved the colours in the beginning. However, the colour which lasted was pretty ugly haha some yellow bath ๐Ÿ˜‚. The bath bomb consisted of rose, bergamot and ylang ylang oils. It was really relaxing. I love to take a bath. That’s what self care is for me.

Thank you all for reading this blog post. What were your favourites from my list? What did you enjoy in May? Could you already enjoy Spring time in your country? ๐ŸŒž Let me know lovelies. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

Much love ๐Ÿ’•,

xoxo Christina

Today it’s my 26th birthday! ๐Ÿ˜๐ŸŽ‚๐ŸŽ‰๐ŸŽโœจ๐ŸŽˆ Forever young yeahhh!

Hola lovelies ๐Ÿ’•,

IT’S MY BIRTHDAY TODAY (First of June) OMGGG! I’m getting old ๐Ÿ‘ต haha no kidding I’m just turning 26 but it feels like I’m already almost 30 or 100 lol. I have so much back pain lately. I really need to do some yoga and go swimming. It’s still 4 years till I’m 30 but yeah time is ticking away and not standing still. This blog post will be about my birthday and what I have learned this year. June is one of my favourite months because it’s also almost Summer which is my fav season ever! Summer vibes aloha! ๐Ÿ˜๐ŸŒŠ๐ŸŒž๐Ÿ„โ€โ™€๏ธ Summer time and the living is easy as they say. I’m in Spain again since Tuesday so I’m very happy. It’s 30 degrees right now! ๐Ÿ˜๐ŸŒž I hope I will stay this happy until the heatwave ๐Ÿ”ฅ come ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜ญ Send help.

Before I will tell you all what I have learned this year I have to admit you something. I wrote this blog post this week but right now I’m adding this text. I’m crying right now in my bed ๐Ÿ˜ข as it’s the middle of the night. I feel strange to admit this because it feels like you have to be happy on your birthday. Birthdays come with so many expectations which I hate. I love to celebrate it with my friends and family. I just don’t like that I’m thinking now that I don’t have my life together. It’s just hard to live in a world where you feel more than the average person as I’m also a highly sensitive person.

I have good friends but everyone is living their lives while I’m just standing still because of being anxious. I feel like I can be myself more on the internet when I blog than in real life. I’m always hiding myself because of being bullied when I was younger. Somehow it still hurts me. I’m a very open person and love to be honest but I’m afraid to open up nowadays to people who I don’t know well. I don’t want to get hurt again or experience a broken heart again. I guess I just needed this cry and vent it all out. I’m always here for you all too ๐Ÿ’— I wish we could all meet each other soon. I need to heal myself and my heart. I need to find more people who understands me and who I can be friends with. It sucks to have so many good internet friends which don’t live in the same country as me.

I went to a lot of concerts this year which I’m so thankful for. I love seeing my favourite artists live. Music means the world to me ๐ŸŽถ I love singing as I used to sing in a choir for 11 years. Hopefully I will do something again with singing in my life this year. I need it. Singing makes me feel free, release my emotions and just makes me so happy. Music is life. I went to the concert of Spanish singer-songwriter Sofia Ellar with my friend Maria in Spain. I also went to the concert of Pablo Alboran in June, Hombres G, Celtas Cortos, Operaciรณn Triunfo and Chenoa with my mother during the week of fiestas in Valladolid in September. When I came back in Holland I went to see Vance Joy live with my best friend in Amsterdam. Last night I enjoyed a beautiful concert of Alfred Garcia which I know from the Spanish talentshow Operaciรณn Triunfo. It was amazing to go to this concert and have fun with my friend. It was an unforgettable concert! ๐Ÿ˜๐ŸŽถ Such a great way to start my birthday! ๐ŸŽ‰

I learned this year that my good and real friends and family will always be there for me no matter what. Distance doesn’t matter when the friendship is real. I’m also thankful for all the old and new friends I made in the blogging community, mental health community, Yoga Girl community and pen pal world. I’m so thankful for all the support, love and inspiration I get every day. My life wouldn’t be the same without you all. My biggest wish is to meet you all and hug you all in person ๐Ÿ’• I’m so thankful to know you all. It definitely makes me feel less alone when I’m struggling and also makes me feel more inspired and happy.

Beautiful snail mail from my pen pals
I always get beautiful pen pal letters from Sophia and Rosie โค

I love writing ๐Ÿ“ so much as it’s such a good tool to let everything go. I love to blog and use my insta to spread awareness of important topics such as feminism, mental health, self love, self care, and much more. Some topics are still a taboo so it’s important to spread awareness about them and make people feel less alone. I wish to one day be able to maybe write a book of poetry or something. That would be a dream coming true ๐ŸŒŸ. I wish to be able to connect with more people and inspire more people. Most of all I just wish to spread love, happiness and make this world a better place to live in ๐ŸŒ๐Ÿ’—

A poem I made some years ago

This year I began to read books again. I was only reading some magazines before of psychology but I also wanted to read again like I used to do during my childhood. I missed the feeling of reading and being in another world. I read some amazing books this year such as “The sun and her flowers” by Rupi Kaur, “The Alchemist” by Paulo Coelho, “Am I normal yet?” by Holly Bourne and “Turtles all the way down” by John Green. I’m now reading some other books and I will post a review when I’m finished. Reading also makes me feel less alone and makes me happy. There are so many good books out there to be read so hopefully this new year ahead will be a good reading year for me. I’m a slow reader but I will get there hahaha ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ“š

I also learned this year to face some of my fears. I still have a lot of fears to face but I’m getting there step by step even though it’s hard when you suffer from anxiety. I still have a hard time asking for help when I need it. I feel like I can’t ask for help because it makes me feel stupid or weak when it isn’t true. Sometimes we bottle everything up which makes us feel worse. At the end it’s better to let everything out even though it’s scarry. I went to the dentist in Spain for an appointment and they told me all my 4 wisdom teeth need to get out. I’m still so scared as hell to do this one day ๐Ÿ˜ข๐Ÿ˜ญ. I know I have to because otherwise I will get problems since they have cavities. I just don’t know how to survive the anxiety about this.

I also am still having a hard time finding a job in Spain. However, last week I got an email for an interview for a shop but I couldn’t be there as I was in Holland. I also did an interview in April for an internship in the best hotel in Spain. Unfortunately, I never got an email back. I guess it’s because I can’t do an internship since I’m not studying anymore. Anyway, I did the interview and that’s still an achievement as well because I was so anxious ๐Ÿ’ช I keep applying to some interesting jobs I see.

4 pictures made into a collage about my internship interview

This year I learned to celebrate every little and big achievement. They all mean a lot to me. Having anxiety makes life even harder so overcoming a fear is a big deal for me. I have to be proud of myself and not be hard on myself. Every year with my birthday expectations comes that I don’t have my life together but who cares. I’m just living each day and making the best of it. I will hopefully achieve my dreams even though it takes time and pacience โœจ

I have also learned that I need to travel more to unknown places. I went to Granada again last Summer with my mother for the third time. I loved it ๐Ÿ˜ It was great to see my friend again and enjoy the beach. I also love to discover new places such as the surfing village Somo in the north of Spain near to Santander. I went there in September with my mother and we enjoyed it so much. I can’t wait to go surfing there this Summer as I didn’t surf for many years. I really miss it ๐ŸŒŠ๐Ÿ„โ€โ™€๏ธ. I also traveled to Leรณn with my mother in March. It’s a beautiful city just one hour away from Valladolid. The tapas were delicious and the cathedral was so beautiful with all the stained glass windows. It was our first time in a spa hotel ๐Ÿฉ which was so relaxing. I loved the swimming pool and whirlpool ๐Ÿ›€. I can’t wait to do that again. You just gotta treat yourself.

One of the most beautiful moments of my 25th year was the wedding of my brother with his Spanish wife. The Spanish wedding was really a big moment of last Summer ๐Ÿ’’ ๐Ÿ’๐Ÿคต๐Ÿ‘ฐ. It was beautiful to be there and to witness the love of two people. It was amazing to be all together with the family and celebrate that love. It was an unforgettable day. Maybe one day I will have that fairytale aswell ๐Ÿงšโ€โ™‚๏ธ even though I believe that the most important relationship you can have in your life is with yourself. Loving yourself and respecting yourself is so important. You are already whole before you are in love with someone. Always remember that.

For the rest, I also enjoyed some time with my friends in Spain and in The Netherlands. We had fun and ate delicious tapas together. I also saw my whole family a lot. I love to see everyone especially my little niece. She slept at our house for the first time in March. It was a lot of fun and it was also tiring ๐Ÿ˜‚. It’s great that our family is growing. I also went for the first time in my life to a cremation of a girl who died because of leucemia from my choir. It was a beautiful ceremony. It was heartbreaking too ๐Ÿ’”.

I have a fear of death so it was also again overcoming a fear of mine to go. I also went for the first time to a tulip flower fields in The Netherlands with my mother which was so beautiful to experience! ๐Ÿ˜๐ŸŒท I also swam a lot last Summer and I’m going to do the same this year. Swimming is so good for your health. I love the outdoor swimming pools in Spain so much ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‡ธ๐ŸŠ

So it was a beautiful year with ups and downs like every year have. I’m still on my way of achieving my dreams and hopefully I will make them all come true โœจ I hope you will all be in this journey with me and never ever leave me. I will be there for you all too of course. We are all in this together ๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿ’• Let’s rise each other up, be kind to each other and love each other ๐ŸŒ . That’s what the world needs more of.

If one thing I know for sure is that Iโ€™ll always try to make this world a better place to live in because we live on such a beautiful planet! I love La Pachamama! ๐ŸŒ

I wish you all peace, love & happiness! Forever young, wild and free! โœŒ๏ธ We are all childs of the universe. This life is a gift โœจ Thank you all for reading this blog post. I will speak to you all in my next post. In my next blog post I will share more pictures of my birthday, what I did on my birthday and the presents and cards I got from my family and friends ๐ŸŽ๐Ÿ’Œ.

My mother gave me this beautiful balloon for my birthday ๐ŸŽˆ It says congratulations Chris without the H haha like they say it in Spanish ๐Ÿ˜‚ Purple is one of my fav colours ๐Ÿ’œ

Love you all so much ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ’ž๐Ÿ’–,

xoxo Christina