Life struggles

Hey lovelies πŸ’•,

Today I want to talk about how I’m feeling lately especially last week. I have been struggling with life, with myself and just everything in general. I love to always be honest here because this community as well as the Yoga Girl community on Facebook and the mental health community on Instagram are always there for me πŸ’–. In this fake world I’m so happy to have found a place where I can be πŸ’―% myself, vulnerable and honest. There are so many fake people out there who say they are your friend which isn’t true. They don’t care about how you are really feeling. They are just curious and want to gossip around. That’s just the sad reality.

So, I feel that life is a struggle lately. I’m having such a bad sleep routine like always. I’m sorry if I keep repeating myself. I can’t sleep the whole night and then have to sleep in the middle of the night until the afternoon. I really hope I can change this routine soon because it isn’t good for my health to live like this. I feel bad too because I saw my mother crying a few days ago. It hurts me the most to see her crying because she’s always so strong but at the end she breaks down like everyone. She was not feeling well and she also don’t like to see me suffering πŸ˜’πŸ’”.

I’m also struggling, feeling emotional and anxious because of being so afraid of going once to the dentist. I know I have to do it one day but I keep postponing it because of fear. My four wisdom teeth are impacted. I know my wisdom teeth need to get out since like two years ago or so. Dentist anxiety is real and there’s nothing to be ashamed of. I’m not the only one who suffers with this. I had a bad experience with a dentist in The Netherlands who called me childish and said I was acting like someone who has 15 years old. This caused me having a panic attack after the visit. This also increased my dental anxiety more.

Last September I went to the dentist here in Spain where my mother also had to do a dental implant. He is really handsome haha and also nice. He understands my anxiety and didn’t find it strange or weird that I was crying there. I know they are all 4 impacted but as the dentist here said it’s better to get it done one by one. I don’t want anyone to push me to do it so hopefully I can face this fear this Summer. Summer time is for happiness but I know I have to do it. I also felt strange things sometimes in my mouth, have a bad stomach and I’m nauseous sometimes. Maybe it is because of my wisdom teeth. I was crying these nights and being emotional also because I have my period. Maybe, I could take valium from my mother to use it when I go to the dentist. If anyone knows a tip or something I would really appeciate it. I know that at the end all my worries don’t come out. It’s just that horrible feeling of anxiety which makes me feel like I can’t cope with it. I know many people who suffer from a mental illness know how hard it is to not listen to our mind and all our worries. It isn’t so easily to snap out of it. I just can’t.

I also am still struggling with finding a job. My dream is to live and work in Spain but it’s difficult. If you want to work in the public sector in Spain you need to do an exam. Even then it is difficult to get the job. I apply for jobs in hotels on Infojobs and other websites but I don’t get an answer. I’m also so anxious to get a job because of anxiety. I just don’t know how to do it. I wish I could find a job that is meaningful and purposeful. I didn’t hear anything back from the internship interview in April. I think the hotel needed to have a confirmation for an agreement with my university. I can’t have that since I graduated two years ago. It just feels that my life is standing still while others are going on with their life. I’m just surviving. Afraid of life and afraid of death, what a way of existing.

Also Summer time is here and it’s my fav season 🌞🌊 but I also sometimes feel the pressure to be happy all the time. Anxiety doesn’t go away just because it’s Summer. I still can be anxious with things. I also don’t like the heatwave this week. Today it was 37 degrees and tomorrow it will be 41 degrees. I stayed at home today because I also don’t feel good because of this heatwave and having my period. I get these horrible cramps, feel dizzy and have headaches. Thanks to medication and paracatemol it makes it a bit better. 40 degrees is really too much for me and makes me feel sick. Together with my period it’s just the worst 😒. I hope I will survive it πŸ”₯

I really love Summer and enjoy being in the sunshine. I also love to go for walks with my mother or read a nice book or magazine on a bench or on the grass. I bought some nice books last week which I will share in a book haul soon when they arrive. Bad moments don’t go away just because it’s Summer. We have to accept that and live with it. I also can’t wait to really enjoy Summer time. I can’t wait to go surfing, swimming 🏊 and go to the beach πŸ„πŸŒŠπŸŒž. I also love blogging and penpalling. It’s important to do things we love to do and to have fun. I just hope we all can have a great Summer and enjoy it as we deserve it. I hope we will have good moments full of love, peace and happiness ✌️. I hope we can overcome the bad moments all together πŸ’ͺ We are always in this together πŸ’— It feels good to let my thoughts and feelings out here as I feel like I don’t have to carry it all on my own because that makes it too heavy.

Thank you all for reading this blog post. I hope it somehow made some sense to you. Do you also sometimes feel like life is a struggle? Can you relate to what I feel and how would you cope? Does Summer makes you feel like you have to be happy all the time? I hope you can give me some advice to overcome my fears as I would really appreciate it πŸ™πŸ’—. Thank you for always being there for me. It means the world to me. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

Much love πŸ’•,

xoxo Christina


21 thoughts on “Life struggles

  1. Anxiety eats me alive as well….nothing to be ashamed of. It’s just the way we are wired. I have the same problem with three of my wisdom teeth. I can’t afford to get them removed any time soon. And even if I could, I know I would be anxious about it. I’m anxious with most doctor related things. I’ve been putting off my check-ups for the last few months. I am working up the courage to get them done. It just stresses me out so bad. So I understand where you are coming from. You’ll get there. Just give yourself time.

    I think the world today makes us feel like we have to behave certain ways. But we don’t. It’s okay not to feel 110% happy all the time, or because it is a certain time of year. There are days I wake up and don’t understand why I feel sad inside. There’s no logical reason I should feel sad, yet I do. I have learned to accept this is part of who I am. Hating myself for the way I am wired isn’t going to help me. I found if I let myself go through the cycle of things, I bounce back quicker than when I give myself a hard time about it.

    Hang in there! There is a light at the end of the tunnel!!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much for your lovely comment πŸ’—. Yes, to live with anxiety is so hard. I can understand you so well. Thank you for understanding me. I’m also always anxious with doctors and stuff. It’s so scary ughhh 😭. Thank you for being there for me. I really appreciate it. I hope we can both overcome this fear within time.
      You are so right. We have the right to feel our feelings because they are valid ❀️. I can understand you so well. It’s okay to not be okay. There’s always a light in all this darkness. You are so right. Thank you beautiful soul for you kind words which are very much needed πŸ’–βœ¨ I say the same to you! You are not alone. We are all in this together πŸ’ͺ

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I really relate to this! Anything that feels invasive is scary! I am this way too with other specialities… I’ve tried twice to go and both times I was sent home because I was too anxious and they either didn’t want me to fear them even more or because I wasn’t letting them do what they needed to do because of anxiety.

    You definitely have a right to however you feel, and it’s all valid, and I completely agree- thoughts are NOT easy to change. If they were, I would’ve changed years ago! Just know you’re absolutely not the only one who feels the way you do, and you’re not alone in it.

    And as far as feeling at a standstill, there really isn’t a timeline, like people make it out to be. I’m going back to school as an “older student” and I have felt shame about it because it has taken me so long to decide on an actual full-time career. I’m feeling it a lot less now, and I spend more time with people who are supportive of where I’m at. And that’s the thing- you’re at where you’re at and you have the courage to let people know. Out there in the world, people are hiding all kinds of struggles we don’t know about…so again, you’re not alone in any of this. and thank you so much for sharing because it makes us feel more connected when we are facing sort of similar challenges. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for your lovely comment πŸ’–. I really appreciate your support. I can understand you so well. Anything related to doctors, dentists or whatever makes me scared. I know I will have to overcome it one day. Yes, changing thoughts from negative to positive is definitely really hard. It’s a habit which you need to change. I’m glad I’m not the only one who feels this way because it can sometimes feel very lonely. I’m proud of you for going back to school! πŸ’— You will do great. I wish you much luck! πŸ€πŸ€ž You are so right. Sharing struggles makes us kinder and more compassionate too. I’m thankful to have such a beautiful community who is always there for me. Much love to you ❀️

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  3. Ugh, me and you both with the sleep routine. I hate sleeping in into the afternoon, but I don’t get to sleep until one or two in the morning! And even then you find yourself yawning and feeling off. I think going to the dentist, they have to have your trust and not the other way round. The one time I recently went to the dentist, I went to the dentist surgery first and checked out the place, because I prefer to be familiar with new places, and then I had a few appointments where I got used to being in the chair and stuff. I had to go through a few dentists until I found one that worked for me. I was also allowed headphones in, so I listened to music and (tried!) to concentrate on that and zone out. It takes time, but there’s no rush. Small changes make all the difference. Not finding work is so frustrating too. My anxiety makes me nervous about all of that. It’s difficult when you haven’t done anything since you left school, or wherever, and there’s gaps in your CV. Are there training programmes or courses where you live that can help you out?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for reading and for your comment. It feels good to know that you have my back. Yes, same happens to me. I know one dentist where I went to get to know him in Spain and it was good. My mother also had to do a dental implant there and she said he did it well and was caring. I also noticed that because I was crying and he told me it was okay to cry. He even said he also cries. He is compassionate, caring and human and I love that. I find that important in every person and it’s obviously even more important in people who are doctors, dentists etc. In Holland one dentist said to me I was acting like a 15 years old and that I was childish. That made me feel even worse and he didn’t understand my anxiety. I had a panic attack afterwards. I’m happy that you also find the right dentist. I’m still scared as hell but hopefully I can get one out this Summer. Yes, you are so right. I have applied to jobs in the meantime but they didn’t call me back. I only went to one internship interview but eventually they never answered me so I guess that’s a no. Right now I’m in Spain so I don’t know. I could look for those trainings. Thank you so much for your help and understanding. It means so much to me.

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  4. Really nice post. Thank you for sharing so much about your life with us. I understand how you feel. Last year, and even this year my sleep schedule was messed up. I would be wide awake till 6 in the morning and sleep until 2 or 3. My parents were very worried about this. I have slowly but surely changed my sleeping schedule. Last year I was prescribed slow acting sleeping pills which worked. Maybe you can look into something like this to help you sleep.

    Having a fear of the dentist is normal. Everyone has fears. My biggest fear is flying/airplanes. Last September I went to have my wisdom teeth removed because they were badly impacted. I could not eat without feeling pain. The dentist removed all of my wisdom teeth at once so I would not have to come back. The procedure was over before I even knew it. It is quite quick. I know you are afraid but it will be fine. You will be fine. After the operation you get to eat awesome things like ice cream and jelly!

    I know how hard it is to find a job. I have applied so many times and it took a long time before I heard back from anyone. Never give up hope. You will find something you enjoy. Try to focus on the positive things and keep busy, like reading your new books. Enjoy Summer!

    Wishing you all the best xx

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much for your comment and for your understanding. It really mean so much to me β€οΈπŸ™. My sleep schedule is really messed up too so I can feel you. My schedule is like yours. It’s hard to change it. I hope that we can both change our routine. It’s also too hard to sleep nowadays because of the heatwave. I can take some tea before sleep. I’m happy your sleeping pills worked. Yes, going to the dentist really makes me feel so anxious. I also fear flying but I always fly. Listening a podcast makes me feel more relaxed and distracted. I’m happy you got it over soon. Eating ice cream and delicious food afterwards is definitely a good thing! ❀️ Thank you so much for being there for me. Looking for a job is hard especially suffering from anxiety. I’m happy you find something. I will do! I hope you can enjoy Summer time too! 🌞

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I truly hope you feel better soon, Christina — I’m really sorry that your anxiety has been affecting you like that :/ Thank you for sharing your thoughts and being vulnerable. πŸ’›

    Anxiety is such a monster. It makes you unhappy and impacts so many areas of your life. I resonated with so much of what you said in the post. I also struggle with really bad health anxiety and even just going to a regular checkup results in panic attacks and full on tears beforehand. You are absolutely NOT alone. Just know that everything will pass, I always try to tell myself that whenever I’m experiencing a period of anxiety. Everything is going to be okay with the dentist and it’ll pass before you know it!

    Also, don’t feel pressured to feel happy all the time just because it’s summer. You have the right to your feelings and experiences! I find that when I force myself to feel happy just because “I’m supposed to be happy” that always makes me more anxious. Have you tried journaling your thoughts? That helps me a lot when I’m feeling down. It’s nice to get all of my thoughts down on paper.

    Finding a job is also so rough. I know exactly how you feel.. It’s hard because a lot of people I know are advancing in their careers and I’m still trying to figure it all out. We have to just remember that everyone has a different path in life and we will all find it eventually! Some career paths aren’t as straightforward as others. I just found out that Emilia Clarke worked at a call center before Game of Thrones! Take your time with it all, be kind to yourself, and know that you’re going to find that dream job! You got this no matter what your anxiety says!! πŸ’›

    Remember to take breaks from job searching to enjoy summertime and doing things that make you feel relaxed. Your mental health comes before anything else.

    For sleep, I recommend chamomile tea before bed. It helps a ton. Also, look into sleeping podcasts and make comforting playlists for the nighttime. Reading is great because it distracts your mind. I have periods when I can’t sleep through the night and doing stuff like that always helps me get better sleep. Exercise works wonders too even if you’re just taking a nice evening walk.

    I hope you have a good day today! Wishing you a calm, beautiful summer! Enjoy your weekend, dear! x

    Liked by 1 person

  6. All my love to you, girl! Honestly, dentist anxiety is so normal (and also relatable? like it’s a pretty invasive experience) so don’t feel embarrassed or ashamed! Sorry to hear your sleep pattern isn’t doing too well, hopefully you and your mother feel better soon. Sending you lots positive energy xxx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much beautiful! πŸ’– You are so right. It’s not fun. I’m happy you understand me and that I’m not alone with this fear. I hope so too πŸ™. I love you πŸ’•

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  7. Oh I feel you, girl! I’ve been postponing my visit to the dentist for years now. I know that with each day I only make it worse for myself but it’s the one fear I can’t overcome :/
    Good luck to you!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much lovely! πŸ’— I feel you too. It’s so hard to overcome this fear. I also feel like I can never overcome this fear but hopefully we can both overcome it πŸ™. Much love to you xxxx

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I came back to say that I had a really long thought about this and… I came to the conclusion that I’m lucky to be able to afford dental care, even more lucky to be able to afford to go to a really good clinic. Millions of people around the world go to the dentist regularly, billions probably would like and need to but don’t have that opportunity. After over 10 years of letting my fears take over, I signed up for an appointment – I had the initial assessment today combined with a 1.5h (!) cleaning, scaling and polishing. This part was surprisingly fine. I have the first ‘real’ appointment tomorrow, hopefully that goes well too. After all, postponing these appointments only makes things worse!

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  8. Sending you lots of love angel girl πŸ’ž sorry to hear about the dentist, just remember it’s completely normal to be anxious about these things and that you’re never alone. You got this okay? ✨xxx

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Awhhh thank you so much lovely! πŸ’— You are sor right. We are both not alone as we have each other’s back. I’m also always here for you. Thank you so much beautiful! I love you so much πŸ’—πŸ’—πŸ’— xoxo

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  9. Hi girl, anticipatory anxiety where you anticipate an untoward event is common. Gradually exposing yourself to a situation by imagining it, writing down the steps involved in getting to , during and leaving the dentist is helpful. Use breathing techniques to calm your breath and distract yourself with counting and breaths. Writing down thoughts as you have done is also helpful. Before you sleep try to clear you mind using guided meditation videos ie you tube or white noise to help you sleep. All shall pass – remember that. Come check out my blog- the poeticlife.com.
    You will find some helpful stuff there hopefully😊

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much lovely πŸ’• You are so right! I will use some calming videos and take medication before I go to the dentist. I’m glad you understand me. Sometimes those bad moments can feel forever and the feeling of anxiety is the worst but they all pass eventually. I hope it will all go well. Lots of love xxxx

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