Being vulnerable and honest is what matters most in life πŸ’–βœ¨

Hey lovelies πŸ’•,

Today I’m going to talk about my feelings and thoughts about being real and vulnerable. I will also show you that crying is okay and that it’s okay to feel all our feelings, the bad and the positive ones. It takes a lot of courage to be myself in a world where you are constantly being judged for being yourself. At the end, what’s most important in life is to be real with ourselves and with others. Only then we can have great relationships in our lives πŸ’–.

I’m always 100% myself on here, on my IG for my blog or in the communities such as the Yoga Girl Community I’m in. Being myself means sharing the good and bad in life. It’s about being raw, vulnerable and sensitive. Nowadays we live in a world where it’s better to hide our emotions and fake it until we make it. I’m so not into that. I’m loosing friends every year and thinking of that now, I’m happy about it. If people don’t align with me, respect me and care about me, why would I want to be friends with that person? Why invest so much time in people who aren’t worth our time? Our time is precious in life so better invest that in people who give you good vibes, love you for being yourself and who really care about you.

This is also a reason why I deactivated my Facebook account since a few days. I feel like social media does more wrong than good. I compare my life to others way too much. Then I begin to feel even more anxious. It’s also not good for my mental health. Maybe, I will activate it again one day. I just think I have to spend less time there because I don’t like all the fake people I see. There are even people I follow on social media who used to be friends with me and are showing their perfect lives which involves their travels, jobs and family life. I just can’t stand it. I’m not a person who’s jealous of that but it just makes me feel bad about myself. It always feels like the grass is greener on the other side. It’s like I don’t have my life together and seeing all those posts only increase my feeling of anxiety. I hope you all understand what I’m trying try to say.

People are just so fake in general. I know it isn’t attractive to see someone crying on a picture or reading about the though stuff in life like loosing someone we love, someone getting sick or any other tragic news. It’s just really necessary to show also the bad stuff in life because only then we can connect with others in a real way and feel less alone in our struggles. Of course, I don’t mean to only write about negative stuff and watch all the negative news which we are constantly being drowned by. I just mean that it’s important being real about our feelings and thoughts in life. I really can see how I and all the othee people struggling with their mental health or anything else in life can feel worse when people don’t talk about their struggles and only show the good in life. It makes us feel even more isolated.

Whenever I see those perfect feeds online I also feel like I don’t try hard enough in life to reach my goals. I feel like people don’t show often how hard it was to accomplish something in their life like getting that job you dreamt of, achieving other things in life such as finishing college or high school. Why do we not show more the journey to reach a certain goal? I think that could let us know that everything we want in life doesn’t come easy and that doing our best is more than enough. It will inspire us instead of making ourselves feel bad. I’m still applying for jobs in Spain and get a lot of rejections. It makes me feel demotivated. I feel like I won’t ever get a job I love because anxiety gets in the way. Today I applied again for a job to work online from home in Spain. I hope I will hear one day something positive about it πŸ€žπŸ€ I definitely know that it would make us feel better if we see how hard it is to reach things in life. Nobody talks about how hard it is to find a job when you are mentally ill. That makes me only feel more shameful when I didn’t choose to suffer from anxiety on the first place.

I also still struggle with going to the dentist to get my wisdom teeth pulled out. I need to do it one by one but I just feel exhausted by the thought of it. Anxiety makes me feel so exhausted in life πŸ˜”. I feel exhausted to through to those waves of anxiety again so I don’t do anything about it which also isn’t okay. Maybe, I need to ask for help but I also still don’t know if therapy would help or I’m just fooling myself and telling myself that story. Maybe, I’m just anxious about going through all of that and I think I deserve no help or healing. In the midst of all of this, I wanted to apply for a singing casting for a talent show in Spain. I don’t think I’m doing it because it cost me money to go to Madrid. However, maybe I will apply for another singing casting here in Valladolid 🎢🎀. This also makes me anxious but I also love to sing. It’s one of my biggest passions in life. You have to send some voice notes and if you pass, you will have a real life audition. This audition is to be able to sing in a women’s choir. I miss singing in a choir. I sang 11 years in a choir in The Netherlands. The only thing is that I’m not living in Spain right now so maybe it doesn’t make sense to apply. If I would get a job I could stay here.

What I also wanted to say is that anxiety is a real illness as well as other mental illnesses or invisible illnesses. With these pictures below I want to show you all how it looks like to suffer from anxiety. It takes a lot of courage for me to show you this side but I feel the need to be real in the most vulnerable way. It’s okay to cry and not be okay. There has to be no shame of that. You can see me smiling on the first picture. I was happy that day but there could be also times when I’m smiling but feel anxious. On the second picture I was crying and feeling anxious which was last weekend because I feel again pressure to get a job I don’t want because of my family. At the end, we have to decide what’s best for us. Anyone can give us an advice but only we know what our heart wants.

You see that you can never judge someone just based on how they look like. Someone can be smiling but feeling bad. We don’t know the struggles someone is facing so we always have to be kind. Someone can hide a lot behind a smile. Mental illnesses and other invisible illnesses are real. Just because you don’t see it, doesn’t mean it isn’t true. I wish people would understand that better or at least try to show some empathy and compassion. That’s what I need, you need and the whole world needs right now. We need to able to feel our feelings, show them and then eventually we can let them go. I’m blessed to have my family, friends both online and in real life who care about me. I’m so blessed to have you in my life. Thank you, thank you, thank you. You all mean the world to me πŸ’žπŸ™

You are not alone.
You are so loved.
You are allowed to feel your feelings.
You are allowed to cry.
You are allowed to be angry.
You are allowed to take up space in this universe.

You don’t have to do this alone. If we all look after each other we could definitely make this a better world to live in. We would feel less alone in our struggles, pain and though times in life. Let’s walk this journey together, step by side, side to side. We are all in this together.

Thank you all for reading this blog post. I love to be real always. Do you find it hard to be real about your feelings in this fake world? How does social media make you feel? Any advice of the things I shared related to anxiety, the singing castings or the search for a job? Let me know lovelies. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

Love you all so much πŸ’•,

xoxo Christina


12 thoughts on “Being vulnerable and honest is what matters most in life πŸ’–βœ¨

  1. Sharing this will help so many people Christina who perhaps hear the phrase you named your post being said but don’t think deeper into the meaning of it. You have shown the truth behind it. And I can’t stop repeatedly saying that time is precious in my head now but its true! Even if days are spent hardly being able to do anything it’s good to be in that moment as it makes us appreciate the times when things aren’t like that. Made me upset seeing that photo of you but proud too that you feel comfortable sharing it with us and that you stepped out of your comfort zone in order to do so and help others ✨ The advice that first sprung to mind when I read of the singing castings you wrote about was that you should definitely apply and send in your voice notes as you might get accepted and even just that will be a boost for you even if you can go no further through not being in Spain yet? Do whatever you feel comfortable with ❀️ Take care lovely πŸ€—Xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much lovely πŸ’– Your words really mean the world to me. I just always love to be real and share the truth. There are already too many fake people. You are so right. Every moment counts in life whether it’s bad or good. We learn from them all. We have to feel those emotions, sit with them and then eventually we can learn to let them go. Escaping our feelings will only make things worse. It took a lot of courage to share my vulnerable photo with you all. I just feel so comfortable here to be myself which I love so much. This community is just the best and has the most amazing, inspiring and loveliest people of earth as you are πŸ’– I did what you told me. I send them my voice note which was the song Hallelujah too which I love so much but didn’t hear back. It makes me feel like I’m not good enough but I guess it wasn’t the right time. At the end, I tried and that matters the most don’t you think? Always here for you too. Love you so much πŸ’–

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  2. Really beautiful and really touching. I know you will find a good job so do not worry! I think you should audition for singing roles close to where you currently live. I know you will do great! Thank you for opening up and always being true to yourself. I am always here for you xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Awhhh thank you so much my friend! πŸ’–πŸ˜Š Thank you for your beautiful words. I hope so too. I wish that your dreams also come true. Right now I’m in Spain but I’m all the time between Spain and The Netherlands. You are right that I can try it. I sent the voice notes yesterday. I also applied for some jobs. I’m so happy you believe in me. I need that! I’m also always here for you. Sending you all my love xoxo

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I’ve probably said this before, but I’m so happy to know someone so genuine exists. Your instagram which you always share posts about mental health and being honest with your own is so uplifting to me because you aren’t just about showing off your highlight reel.
    And I am happy you’ve cut out fake friends because my god, though it can hurt a lot in the beginning, its sooo much better for your mind and heart in the long term!
    That is such a smart move deactivating some of your social media because comparisons kill. I hate myself so often and its simply exhausting. That extends to my own life beyond the internet too when my friends are so much more accomplished than me.
    And I think people like to make it all appear effortless and happy because sad is not “sexy”.
    Keep going alright, as long as you try every day, as long as you aren’t saying “fuck it I am done”, you are making progress already, and I am so proud watching all the things you are going for through insta stories!
    I’ll be here, reading and supporting you through the screen! One small step every day! πŸ₯°β€

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m sorry for my late reply as I have been doing mentally unwell. I’m so happy that you exists too my lovely friend πŸ’– I wish to meet you one day. I love to be real and I also love others to be real. I think that’s the best and only way we to go through life. You are so right. Fake people aren’t worth it. Comparison is definitely the thief of happiness and it does more bad than good. It seems like on social media everyone is on a competition with each others of how perfect their life is when it doesn’t work that way. I can understand you so well because I feel the same. I’m always here for you. Know that you are enough and that what matters most is who we are and not what we are doing. Yes oh damn that’s it. I will also be there for you in good and bad times. We always have each other’s back ❀️ Love you! xxx

      Liked by 1 person

  4. One thing I’ve done is try to find those raw, honest people on social media and follow them instead. There are people out there like us and we need to come together. Thanks so much for sharing this post

    Liked by 1 person

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