I see humans but no humanity ๐Ÿ’”๐Ÿ˜ข

Hey lovelies ๐Ÿ’•,

I wanted to write a more happier post but I always want to be honest on my blog so I won’t do that. I’m always vulnerable and real on my blog. I always write straight from my heart. Writing straight from my heart also gives me the most inspiration. I don’t like to plan blog posts. It has to flow like life too. These days I don’t feel okay so I will write about my feelings and thoughts. I hope you are all okay and safe. I’m here for you too. This blog post will be about my health, how I feel and about humanity. It feels good to write it all down and have a more sense of peace in my mind.

I was very happy the first days I arrived in Spain. I have been eating delicious tapas, ice creams ๐Ÿฆ๐Ÿจ๐Ÿง, milkshakes, enjoyed the sunshine ๐ŸŒž and went swimming a lot ๐ŸŠโ€โ™€๏ธ. The last days I have felt low and kinda depressed. I also had my period so I’m always more sensitive to everything during that time of the month. Besides, I’m really tired and my throat hurts a lot when I swallow, drink or eat something. It feels like it’s swollen too. If anyone knows me well, you know how anxious I’m about dentists or doctors so I will wait a few more days. The bad thing is that nowadays many people think easily oh no it’s Corona when you can have something else. I don’t have fever or anything. I just hope that it will go away soon. I really want to feel better again.

I also am beginning to feel anxious again to have to go to the dentist in two weeks. I still have to get rid of three wisdom teeth but it’s really draining me. I’m so done with it. It makes me so anxious ๐Ÿ˜ข๐Ÿฆท. The dentist and his team are very lovely but it’s still no fun. Again feeling numb, then not eating a few days and taking meds for pain. It was worse than I imagined but still not fun. The anxiety I feel is always worse than the thing itself. Anxiety is a monster and I would love to be able to tame it one day. I will use valium to calm myself down. I’m so grateful for my mother who is always there for me to hold my hand and be at my side. I couldn’t do anything scary without her help. I really would be so lost. I love her so much. She is the kindest and most loveliest person ever.

I’m a highly sensitive person which means that I feel every emotion more. I feel others suffering more and also love more. It’s a gift but can also be a curse sometimes. I feel others pain deeply. Some of my friends are dealing with emotional stuff. I feel them. I feel people suffering from the pandemic. It hurts me so much to see so much pain in the world. I have been feeling very emotional and sad too these days. I can’t deal with people doing bad things to good people. It breaks my heart ๐Ÿ’”. Why is there so much hate in this world? Why can’t people just be nice and kind to each other or is that too much to ask for? I really would love to have some answers on that but I don’t have. I don’t know why bad things happen to good people. It’s so unfair.

I have felt this way too because of the harrasment which yoga_girl is receiving just because she said that’s better not to travel now to Aruba from a country with a high risk of the virus. Aruba suffers from an economic crisis because it depends on tourism. I can understand that but the health and safety of the citizens are more important. I think that’s obvious. I just can’t understand how people find it okay to treathening other people lives. It’s so scary. Rachel and her family have received hate and what’s worse than that is threats. They even stalked their house. I’m happy they are safe now. It would be a shame if they have to move because of some locals being aggressive to them. I’m so happy to be part of the yoga community and will forever be โœจ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ’–. We are all here for you guys. Rachel, you are such a light in this world and have healed so many hearts including mine. I’m still healing though. I can’t thank you enough. Be safe. I love you so much.

I have also noticed that I feel more like myself these days. The more I feel, the more I feel like myself because this is who I’m. I get anxious, I get depressed, I feel low but I also can be happy and feel gratitude in my heart. I feel it all. Even though sometimes I find it really hard to live in this world because there are so many scary things and bad people out there too. I’m grateful for the good people I have in my life. I’m so happy to have this beautiful blogging community too who’s always there for me too. I can’t wait to meet you all one day and thank you. You are always there for me when I’m sad and celebrate my happy days. We will always stick together forever.

I wish there would be more people like you all in this world ๐Ÿ’ž๐Ÿ™. Sometimes I definitely feel like there are so many bad people and things out there. I get scared and anxious and feel such a heavy feeling on my shoulders. I wish for peace, respect and compassion and being one with the world. What the world needs right now is union and not more separation ๐ŸŒ. There’s already too much of that and it didn’t bring anything good.

May we all find the light and love in our own hearts and spread it to the world โœจ. This world needs healing, so much love, compassion and kindness. It will never be enough. What this world needs right now is a group hug which would be now in distance with the pandemic but you all understand what I mean. More love, less hate. More compassion, less cold-hearted people.

Thank you all for reading this blog post. I hope you can understand and respect my feelings. How are you feeling lately? Are you also anxious of going to the doctor or dentist? What do you think of humanity? Do you also find it unfair that bad things happen to good people? Let me know lovelies. I will speak to you all in my next blog post. Be safe you all and remember we are never alone in our struggles. Like I always say, we are always in this together ๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿ’–.

I love you all so much ๐Ÿ’•,

xoxo Christina

Life is for the living ๐Ÿ’—๐ŸŒŒ

Hey lovely bloggers ๐Ÿ’•,

Today I want to write about something I thought one night and still think sometimes. These are some thoughts which I think a lot of and can’t seem to let them go. I hope you can understand them and can somehow relate to them. I miss sharing my thoughts and feelings on here which was also the reason I began this blog. I just felt the need to write them down and what better way to share them here on my blog.

So, one Summer night I was sitting in the car with my friends and we were driving back home from celebrating a birthday of our friend. I was looking at the stars from the window of the car and thought of life. I think a lot of this life we are living. I thought about the purpose of life. I think a lot of it actually. I thought of the universe โœจ . It always amazes me and also terrifies me at the same time. We are a drop in the ocean like a drop in the universe. We are nothing compared to the big universe yet we are everything. Life wouldn’t be the same without us all here. Sometimes when I feel bad I think this life is worthless and I don’t understand why I’m living. It makes me feel worse as I think of all the pain and injustice in the world. I often think that it’s difficult to be that sensitive girl in this hard world. People can be so mean and really life can be so so hard and break your whole heart ๐Ÿ’”.

However, I still believe even though during those times that I’m struggling or feeling anxious that we are here living this life for a reason. Even when life breaks our heart in many ways we are here for a reason. In those moments when I look up at the sky and see the stars โœจ shining so brightly and see the moon ๐ŸŒœ๐ŸŒ› following us while we are driving I get emotional. It’s just amazing to think how we all ended up here and our living this life in this beautiful world. We may not always find it beautiful and life can be so hard but there are still moments like this that make it all worth it. I truly believe in that. I’m grateful for all the good people I have in my life. I love my family and friends. I love my blogging friends, pen pal friends and I love to be in the Yoga Girl community. Life is all about sharing love to ourselves and giving that love to others ๐Ÿ’—. That’s why we are living this life.

Those moments I look up at the sky while being at the backseat of the car of my friend I began to think of my purpose in life. Am I doing some purposeful things in life? I’m still looking for a job and feel like I don’t have my life together. I’m still struggling with anxiety about getting a job, going to the dentist or other everyday life things. It’s all okay because I’m still living this life the best I can. I may not earn money from the things I do right now in life but at least I can say I’m making people happy. At least I’m trying, really I am. Even when some people from the outside think we aren’t doing our best, we really are. Don’t compare yourself to someone else their highs in life. We all go through ups and downs in life. Not everyone shows it. This blog means so much for me. I’m able to speak my thoughts and emotions out loud and can help people who struggle with life or feel alone. I have always thought that I’m here to help others and that helping others will heal me too ๐Ÿ’—. I truly believe that’s true. I love to share the truth, be honest and be vulnerable with myself and with you all.

Eventually the universe will give us what we want at the moment we need it. We have to take action but what’s meant to be, will be. At least, that’s what I believe in. I also believe that of course having a job and earning money is important to become independent and be able to care for yourself but the little moments in life are what makes life beautiful. You can earn millions of money, be famous and still feel unhappy. Maybe you are only doing it for the money but you don’t feel purposeful. That will not give you the happiness in life you need. We live for those little moments in life such as seeing a baby smiling at his parents, swimming in the ocean on a Summer day, feeling the warmth on your skin or drinking a tea with your mother during a cold Winter night. All the big things like getting a promotion at work, marriage or getting a new house will not mean anything if you don’t appreciate the little moments in between. Those extra ordinary moments are what make this life beautiful ๐ŸŒŸ .

At the end of our lives, it’s all about how much love you gave to yourself and to others. You will also remind yourself of all the beautiful memories you made, the friendships you made along the way, the places you have been to, the books you have read, the journals you have written, the music you have played and danced along. It’s all about love because that’s what matters the most in life. To love and be loved. You won’t remember the bad times as much as the good times. Your happiness is the most important thing that you will be reminded of. Never ever forget that. You deserve all the good things in life.

It’s all about living a life according to your values and not impressing people you don’t even like. When I got bullied during high school I was always thinking that if I changed myself maybe then those bullies would like me and treat me differently. Thinking of this back I know now that it wasn’t okay to think that way as I don’t have to change myself for anybody. We are all different and that’s what makes us all beautiful. We aren’t here to impress people. We are here to help ourselves and others. We are here to heal ourselves. We are here to feel peace within ourselves. We are here to love each other no matter what. We are here to give hope to people who have lost it. We are here to live because life is for the living.

This song also inspired me to write this post. I love the music of Passenger. This song is called Life’s for the living.

“Don’t you cry for the lost
Smile for the living
Get what you need and give what you’re given
Life’s for the living so live it
Or you’re better off dead”

Thank you all for reading this blog post. I really liked writing it. I wrote it when I got a lot of inspiration. I always get inspired by looking up at the sky and seeing the shining stars in the sky. Did you too get inspired? What do you think of living a purposeful life? What do you think your purpose is in life? Let me know lovelies. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

Much love ๐Ÿ’•,

xoxo Christina

Speak up for the people who can’t ๐Ÿ’ช

Hey lovelies ๐Ÿ’•,

Today I just wanted to talk about something important. I will talk about how important it is to speak up for the people who can’t. Many people in our world can’t speak up for their human rights because they may live in countries where there’s a war and are afraid of speaking up. There can be consequences of speaking up. I will talk about many subjects related to this. I hope it will inspire people and make this world a better place to live in ๐ŸŒโœจ๐Ÿ™

I was thinking about this topic when I was listening a few days ago to a postcast from Yoga Girl. It was about the abortion ban in some states in America. This is going on right now and it’s really scary. It felt good to hear this important topic which I also agreed on. I believe that every woman has the right to choose to do what they want with their body and whether they want to have children or not. I don’t want that we are going backwards in history.

It’s really terrifying what’s happening in America. This abortion ban will be bad for all women. Even women who are raped will not have the choice to do an abortion. It’s just a horrible thought for women to have a baby from being raped. You can choose to not do abortion for yourself but to ban it is just not aceptable. It’s a human right. It feels like they are now making a political issue of it. That’s why it’s so important to speak about this. We can’t just accept this. I was happy to go to the first feminist strike in Spain last year and speak up about all the injustice we women have to suffer. We live in a patriarchal world and this just has to change.

This subject isn’t only about women. Speaking up implies in many subjects. Racism still exists and people who say it doesn’t are just afraid to speak about it. They ignore it when it is there. I loved the postcast of Yoga Girl where she talked about white supremacy as I agree so much with it. It feels like an uncomfortable conversation but we have to talk about it and discuss it.

I don’t want the benefits of being a white person. I just want everyone in the world to be equal. I want them to have the same human rights. I want everyone have the same school and job opportunities. I don’t accept people of colour being rejected for a job. I have a good friend of Irak and I hear her stories. She had to leave her country because of war just like many people from Syria and other people from other countries are doing right now. I believe there has to be a good migration plan in every country. Some countries almost don’t accept immagration whereas other countries have an overflow. There has to be a better system for all where everyone feels comfortable, happy and equal.

Also I made this poem below for this blog post and also shared it on my Instagram Sea of words. I hope you will all like this poem. Being bullied made me scared and anxious to speak up. It made me be silenced. I still have a hard time to speak up but I’m learning it because it’s so important to do.

We have to speak up for the people who can’t speak up. I always love to see people speaking up about important topics such as mental health because it makes me feel less alone while struggling from anxiety. If we speak up about an important topic or issue it will make other people feel less alone. It also inspires other people to speak up and to make this world a better world to live in ๐ŸŒโœจ. Even if it makes us scared we have to speak up. Let’s do it all together! Yeahhh, we can do it! ๐Ÿ’ช

Thank you all for reading this blog post. I hope it all inspired you and you loved it. What do you think of speaking up about important topics? Do you also speak up in life? Are you afraid of speaking up and how do you deal with it? Let me know lovelies ๐Ÿ˜˜ I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

Much love ๐Ÿ’•,

xoxo Christina

We humans complicate life when it’s really simple

Hey lovelies ๐Ÿ’•,

Before I will share with you a post about my birthday which is this Saturday ๐ŸŽ‚๐ŸŽ๐ŸŽˆ๐ŸŽŠ I want to share something else. It’s a long time since I didn’t write a post about a topic and just rambled about it. I missed that. My last posts were only about music haha because music is life ๐ŸŽถ I like to write about anything. This post will be about that humans complicate life when life is really simple.

I was thinking about this when I was laying in the sunshine in my garden in The Netherlands last week ๐ŸŒž The sun was shining brightly. It was 20 degrees and a blue sky. I just felt happy and peaceful sunbathing in the garden with my mother. I heard some birds whispering and there was some wind but it was okay. Feeling the sunshine on my skin was just perfect on that moment ๐Ÿ‘Œโ˜€๏ธ I was thinking about how amazing life is when you just don’t think of anything and just enjoy the moment. To be present is so important for a calm mind.

I begin to think about how beautiful nature is and how we human complicate everything in life so much. It only brings us more negativity and bad vibes in life. Nature is just there and don’t want to compete against each other. It grows and blossom. We have to do the same. Humans always look up to other people and that makes them feel bad about themselves. I know I do it too. Comparing myself makes me feel worse. It feels like I won’t ever achieve my dreams or be as beautiful or enough as that person over there.

Also we often don’t want to take the first step in a friendship or relationship because of our ego. We wait until that person takes the first move. It’s better to wait or that’s what they say. We can wait our whole life and not get into that relationship because of ourselves because we are always complicating things. We are creating drama when life is easy. I know of a time I was with my choir singing in UK and one boy of the guest family told me I’m a drama queen hahah sorry I am such a person ๐Ÿ˜‚ It’s better now though. When we miss someone we want them to call or text us. It’s okay to take that first step. I think we have to trust and believe in ourselves more and show our feelings. Society tells us to bottle everything up and be emotionless. It isn’t good for you and you know that.

Tell your loved ones more often that you miss them and love them because that’s how you feel ๐Ÿ’• They have the right to know it. Do it before it’s too late. We know life isn’t forever but yet we live like it will go on forever. I know I do it myself too as I survive each day. Deep down I know time is ticking away and that time is not coming back. We can’t save time or pause the time. It’s not standing still. We have to enjoy our time and spend it doing things we love to do with the people we love.

Why do we complicate life quote

I say so many things to myself that I want to do and I don’t do it because of fear or judgment. I know many of us make false promises to ourselves. If we can’t commit to our promises then how are we ever be able to commit to people’s promises?! We have to do it for ourselves first. Practice what you preach. I’m also so good in helping other people and giving them advice but I fail to follow my own advices. I fail to ask for help because I’m afraid others see me as a weak person or one who can’t have her life together on her own. You see, we are the ones complicating life when things could be easier.

It’s much easier to just let all these thoughts go and just live our lives on our own way. If we don’t like our studies, job or whatever we have the right to change that and not complicate things in life. We can change, grow and do something we love. I’m a believer that deep down in our heart we know exactly what we want to do in life and how to full our time in life. We just have to find it. It can take some time but we will get there. I hope to find it too. We also have to be more in nature and learn from it. It learns us to enjoy our time in life, worry less and know that everything will slowly be better. Bad times won’t last forever nor will the good times. Everything always is constantly changing including ourselves. Seasons don’t come all at once. They come slowly and that’s how we have to live our lives.

I hope we can all live this way instead of complicating our lives. I know it’s difficult and things get our way. As I suffer from anxiety I find it hard to switch my thoughts as sometimes I just can’t. Nature calms me down. What calms me down the most is swimming in the sea. Also hearing the waves crashing on the shore is the most calming and healing thing ever. We all have something in our lives which calms us down and make us happy. It could be anything from books, music to going to the teatre. Enjoy your time on life and spread kindness, love and happiness. Stay away from drama.

Thank you all for reading this blog post. I hope it made sense and you all liked it. Do you think we complicate our own lives? What could we do instead in order to live a happy and simple life? What are your thoughts on this topic? Let me know lovelies ๐Ÿ’–.

Much love ๐Ÿ’•,

xoxo Christina

Being sick, sad and confused ๐Ÿ’ญ

Hey lovelies ๐Ÿ’•,

In this blog post I will talk about how I’ve being sick this time of the year. I will also talk about feeling sad and lonely. I will also write about feeling confused of making a certain decision which will change my life for the better or for worse. I hope that with writing this blog post I can make somehow my mind up or at least feel a bit better after I’ve written this.ย I’m not doing well lately because I’m sick. Before New Year’s Eve in Spain I had a cold. I got this cold in The Netherlands. I thought that I was done with being sick. I got my period after that which also sucks. Then my mother got sick with coughing so much, vomiting and also having fever.

Last Tuesday I got sick again and I think I have the flu because I have not been eating anything only drinking, my muscles hurt, I feel very weak, sneezing, running nose, fever of 38.4 degrees and coughing all the time. Sometimes I’m even afraid of coughing because it makes me feel like I almost am going to vomit even when I didn’t eat anything these days. I also had to travel this week without eating anything. I only drank water, citrosan which is a Dutch medicine (hot drink with lemon and paracetamol) and a Spanish kind of soup with vegetables and pumpkin. It was delicious and I waa happy to be able to drink that.ย I hope that I feel better soon. It’s already the fifth day that I don’t eat anything. I hate not being able to eat because I love food ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜‹. If I don’t eat I soon feel dizzy or weak. My father for example can go many days without eating and still feels strong ๐Ÿ˜‚ He is such a lucky man hahah. Unfortunately, my body doesn’t work that way. I’m happy that my lovely mama bought soup, tissues, hot drink, honey and lots of other stuff. I hope it works to make me feel good again.

Being sick also increase my anxiety like I begin to worry more about my life. Lately, I also feel sad because I don’t feel supported in life by my real life friends. I talked to some of my good friends and nobody talks to me back. I’m feeling so lonely and also angry because I’m always there for everyone. When I’m feeling bad nobody is there for me. It’s just how I feel. I’m so done with feeling that way. I also expected one good friend coming to visit me in Valladolid. It never happened and didn’t wrote me back. It makes me feel sad ๐Ÿ˜ข.ย I feel more supportive by my online internet friends than people in real life. Maybe it’s just a sign of the universe that those are the people who matter. You will see who belong in your life just with seeing their actions and not their words. Words are broken promises. I hope I will meet many people from this blogging community, mental health community, Yoga Girl community and many more communities this year. I would love to have deep talks with you all, have fun and go on adventures. I’m sure we will have an awesome time ๐Ÿ’•โœจ๐Ÿ‘Œ

I’m also feeling confused lately. I applied for some jobs via a Dutch website who helps people find a job abroad. I applied for a job in Athens, Barcelona and Lisbon. So, a few days ago a Dutch recruiter called me when I was in Spain. I was very anxious to receive this call because I hate calling. I definitely have phone anxiety. The call went very well. I liked the job in Lisbon the most because they would pay you the appartment there and help you with everything. You would live with your co-workers. With the other jobs you have to find your own appartment and do everything on your own.ย The call was just the recruiter that gave me general information about everything. She said that I had to complete some tests afterwards and that she would send me my cv to the Dutch recruiter in Lisbon. She also said that during the selection time I will have to send a certification of my degree. I’m glad she was very friendly and that the call went well. We talked for like 10 minutes. There were no awkward silences only just one time but then soon we talked again. Next week I will have a call with the Dutch recruiter in Lisbon. First she said that the call would be in English but then she said that it was a mistake and that it will be in Dutch. That’s much better. I also really don’t like to talk English when we can talk Dutch. That just feels strange to me. She also seem very nice and even send smilies in the emails.

We will discuss the online tests I made during that call. The first test was about answering some customer service emails. They want to know how I react with an angry customer or just someone who has a problem. I had to answer two emails in Dutch and one in English. The second test was a speed test. I had to write down what I was seeing but then my laptop crashed. I couldn’t make the test again. The third test was a Dutch grammer test which was sometimes even difficult hahaha ๐Ÿ˜‚ I’m so used to talk Spanish or English. The fourth test was a test about my knowledge of English. I wasn’t that bad I think. The last test was a test about computer knowledge. I think I also was pretty good at it haha. I hope I made them all well.

The thing what makes me confused is that I have never worked before or lived abroad in a place which isn’t my home such as Lisbon. The Netherlands and Spain are my two homes. I don’t know if it will be a good idea to move abroad while suffering from anxiety and being far away from my family and friends. I don’t know if I would cope well. Also, I don’t know if I see myself living with co-workers in one appartement. I love to live in my own home. I’ve never lived with people who I don’t know only with a family once in Spain. I love to have my own space and feel uncomfortable sharing a home with people I don’t know or can trust.

The thing which also keeps me thinking is that I searched the company Teleperformance on Glassdoor. I would be working for them for a Dutch project such as bol.com website at the Customer Service Sector. I saw so many negative reviews that I got very anxious. They said that it’s better not to work there because the environment is horrible, that you are treated like you are a number and robot and that they won’t treat you well. What more alarming was the fact that I read that the co-workers take marijuana and cocaine during work and also at the appartement. I also read that they are noisy. I don’t want to live with those kind of people. I wouldn’t feel comfortable and happy. They also said that the management and organisation of this company is very bad. With all of this said, I really don’t know if I should trust this company and work here if they hire me. I also read online that people can be really negative on the website Glassdoor and maybe not everything is true but it’s still negative information of the company.

Next week, I will get that call from the Dutch recruiter in Lisbon. She will discuss my cv, the tests I’ve made and also give me information about the company. Maybe, I have to say something about these negative reviews. I just don’t know if I should go for it if I get this job. I have never been good in making decisions. I think that still deep in my heart I have to keep searching for a job in Spain because that’s what I want the most. It also feels more safe for me. Even though I didn’t heard back from some jobs I just have to keep going and send my cv. It’s my dream to live and work in Spain so I gotta keep chasing this dream, right? ๐ŸŒ โœจ

Thank you all so much for reading this blog post. I hope it wasn’t too messy ๐Ÿ˜‚ I just had so many thoughts and feelings to explain haha. Can you relate to my feelings? What would you do in my situation? Did you heard about the company Teleperformance and would you trust the negative reviews? What would be your advice for me? I would love to know your thoughts or opinion as it will help me so much. Thank you so much already for holding space for me ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ’•

I love you all so much ๐Ÿ’•,

xoxo Christina

Conversations & having fun with my 3 year old niece ๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ‘ง

Hey lovelies ๐Ÿ’•,

Today I will write a different blog post because I think it’s really fun to share. I hope you all will like it ๐Ÿ˜„. I will share some funny conversations I had with my niece and how much I love being an aunt. It’s so much fun and you learn so much from children. My brother Edward lives with his wife Elke and Noanne in the south of The Netherlands. They live near to Eindhoven. I don’t see them that often because they live far away from us like two hours by car/train. I was also living in Spain for a long time. Now that I’m back for a time in The Netherlands I see them more often. I really love that.

Two weeks ago my niece and brother came to our house in Haarlem. They came at 10.30 in the mornings and I had to wake up early ๐Ÿ˜‚ I slept only 6 hours that day so I was really tired. It was so nice to see them again. I took some nice pictures of Noanne with me in my room but I can’t share them online because my brother and his wife don’t want that. Of course I respect their privacy even though I really would like to share them…. maybe in the future who knows.

The last time I saw my niece and brother was on the wedding of my brother Rafael in August in Spain. It was nice to spend time with each other again. She’s now 3 years old and she can already talk a bit. We went upstairs to my room. I was afraid that she would fall from the stairs but she could climb the stairs upstairs alone. She said to me: “I’m a big girl, I can do it alone.” When we were upstairs in my room she felt like she was on a fair ๐ŸŽก๐ŸŽข๐ŸŽ  I have so many stuffed animals, colours and things in my room hahaha ๐Ÿ˜‚ She was really happy to be in my room.

She began to analyse and look to my things and pick some stuff from my room. Then she looked on my floor where I had my antidepressants lying on the floor next to some books. She looked to my medication and said to me: “What’s that?” I was like uuuuhhh ๐Ÿ˜… Do I have to explain it or just stay silence? I stayed silence and let it be. Maybe, one day I will explain it when she gets older. I don’t think she will understand it anyway because she’s so little.

She’s just so curious about everything. I think it’s really important in a child to be curious of the world, ask questions so you get to know how things work. I still feel curious about so many things and would love to ask questions but then I get scared because of judgment. Then out of the blue she said and looked to my bedside table: “Why do you have a snow ball on your bedside table?” I felt confused and thought I began to go crazy ๐Ÿ˜‚ I didn’t know what she meant but I guess she meant the fluffed snowman which had a little book. I had to read the little story for her. We had a nice time with the family.

Last Saturday my mother and I went to Eindhoven, which is a city in The South of The Netherlands. I really love this region so much. It’s called Brabant. We went to the light festival Glow which is every year. Maybe I will post another blog post with some videos and pictures of this event. When we arrived at the station of Eindhoven we met my brother and Noanne. As we were sitting in the car suddenly Noanne said: “When we are older we die.” I was like wow is it normal to talk about these things when you are only three years old?! ๐Ÿ˜ฑ My brother and Elke talk about everything with her. We went to the house of my brother in Geldrop. We also ate there during the evening.

I remember that I went to the toilet to do my make up and brush my hair to be ready to go to the light festival. Noanne was talking to me while I was in the toilet haha ๐Ÿ˜‚. I opened the door and she said: “What are you doing?” I said that I was doing my make up. Then she said: “Do you do that every day?” I said that I don’t do it everyday. I was brushing my hair and did all my hair for my eyes so that you couldn’t see me. Noanne then said: “You are hiding” and “Beautiful brown hair.” Then she said that I’m a monkey hahah ๐Ÿ˜‚ She’s so crazy ๐Ÿ’• I love it. I said that I have clits in my hair and then she said that she also has that and that it hurts.

I love that she always says that I’m really sweet. She’s such an adorable child ๐Ÿ’– Her favourite colour is black hahah which is really rare. She loves to colour and is such a crazy lovely child. She laughs a lot and is always happy. I wish I was a child again. It’s so great to be so little and be innocent. When we were leaving she grabbed me and I felt down on the ground and then she said: “I want to stay with you.” Then she did such her mouth in the form of a kiss and said that she also want lipstick. She’s just so cute. I really love her so much.

If only she could stay this young forever. When I look in her eyes and see the way she acts I feel happy. When you are that young you are just going with the flow in life and don’t know the dangers of the world. Everything is nice and funny. I really wish I could go back to that time again because I was such a happy child. It was in my teenage years that I begin to feel bad because of anxiety, being bullied and having my first heart break. Sometimes I really wish we could be able to travel back in time and relive those moments of true happiness again. Hopefully, I will live such moments again in my life. I’m sure that that time will come too.

Noanne makes me feel happy and and makes me think of how simple life is. Adults complicate life so much when real happiness is so simple like a laugh, being crazy and enjoying the little things in life. We are never growing up like Peter Pan. We always have child in us and we have to play with our inner child every day. On the 1th of December we are celebrating Sinterklaas with the whole family so we will be back in Brabant. I can’t wait to see them all again and get presents. I love that time of the year so much.

Thank you all for reading. I hope you all liked this blog post about conversations with my little niece Noanne. Do you also have these kind of conversations with your niece/nephew? Do you also love the joy and innocence of children? Do you also wish to go back in time and be a child again? Let me know in the comments. I would love to know your thoughts.

Much love ๐Ÿ’•,

xoxo Christina

Feeling lonely and the love of communities ๐Ÿ’•

Hola sweeties ๐Ÿ’•,

In this blog post I will write about feeling lonely which I’m feeling for a long time right now. I’m feeling this feeling even stronger here in The Netherlands. I also felt this feeling in Spain but much less. I’m going to talk about feeling lonely and about the differences of living in Spain or The Netherlands. Loneliness is a feeling that many people will not want to admit. Everybody can feel lonely in life. I think it’s important to write about it because I often feel in life that not many people want to talk about it or they feel ashamed to feel this way. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. Those are your feelings and you have every right to feel them.

I know why I feel this feeling stronger here in The Netherlands than in Spain. A big reason is that in Spain I have a group of friends where I hang out with mostly in the weekends. We eat tapas together, have a fiesta or just meet each other and talk. I also have good friends here in The Netherlands but it seems like everyone is busy living their lives. My friends in Spain also have their lives but the Spanish people in general are more social and it’s easier to meet new people. In Spain people make time to see each other and also make time to eat with friends and family. Since I’m back in Holland I only saw one time my best friend, another day my other good friend and another day another good friend. I’m already a month here. For the rest, I only go out with my mother. So, basically I’m only with my parents. I’m happy that I bought concert tickets last weekend to go to the concert of Vance joy this friday in Paradiso Amsterdam. I can’t wait to hear the song Riptide live ๐Ÿ˜. I’m going with my best friend and I can’t wait to enjoy a concert together again. It’s been such a long time since I went to concerts here in Holland. Music is life ๐ŸŽถ๐Ÿ’•.

I’m not only feeling lonely because I don’t see a lot of friends here in The Netherlands. I’m also feeling lonely because I don’t see my family that often. I don’t see my brothers that often and also not my little niece from three years. I miss my family so much. As you know I have two older brothers. Rafael has just married with his Spanish wife Verรณnica in August. They live like 15 minutes away from us by bike. I saw them only twice in a month. One time with the wedding party in Haarlem and the other time at the beach for a short time. Fortunately, they are both coming to eat in two weeks at our home. My other brother Edward lives with his wife Elke and their cute little girl Noanne 2 hours away from us by car in the south of The Netherlands. They are always busy with their jobs and also have their own company of wedding photography. We are all still waiting for the pictures of the wedding of Rafael. I saw them once last year only with Christmas because I was in Spain all the time. This year I have also only see them once with the wedding in Spain. Hopefully, I will see them next month with the light festival Glow in Eindhoven with my mother. Glow is such a beautiful event. All the buildings and the church are with lights. It’s beautiful to see. I will make pictures and videos and maybe let you all see what I mean ๐Ÿ’ก.

This feeling of loneliness is pretty normal for me and especially living in the Netherlands. You all know by now that I love Spain more than The Netherlands. I love both countries but I just feel more Spanish in the way I’m. I feel more at home in Spain. In Spain family is number one and also friends are really important. They always make time to see each other no matter how busy their lives are. What I also love in Spain is that a friend can just text me or call me and say hey do you want to go to eat some tapas tonight? Of course, I say yes and then we will go out. Here in The Netherlands you always have to plan when you are going to meet each other and it’s difficult to make a plan because the people are telling you all the time I’m so busy omg I’m so busy. I really dislike that sentence so much. Of course, there are a lot of things to do in life but I think you really have to make time to also see your loved ones if that’s important for you.

There’s such a big difference in culture between Spain and The Netherlands. Spain has a collectivist culture and The Netherlands is an individualistic country. In Spain when I meet my friends sometimes more friends will join and it’s all spontaneous whereas here people are looking to their agendas to find a day when they can all meet. People here just like to live their lives alone. I can feel this feeling of loneliness much more here than in Spain. Whenever I have a problem people are more likely to help me in Spain than here. In Spain there’s a high rate of unemployment but still families help each other and find a way out. I really admire their strength and positivity.

Even though I go out almost every day with my mother I’m still feeling lonely. I went twice to the beach last month, drove on my bike and had walks in the park near to my house. I know another big factor of my loneliness is that I don’t study anymore. I’m searching for jobs in Spain and also applied for some jobs. One was about promoting the brand Holland in Madrid and another one was working in the surf shop O’Neill in Madrid. I hope they will answer me soon. I also applied for a job vacancy to work in a surf shop here in Holland. Maybe, I can do that these months to earn some money before I go to Spain in December. I really want to make a living there. When I studied in college I hang out with my classmates and it was all fun. Now, I feel lost in life. I guess my anxiety disorder also makes me feel lonely. I always feel alone in my feelings and thoughts. I’m so happy to have found this blogging community and also my mental health community on my blog and on Instagram. You are all so kind and so amazing. I’m also into reading again and want to write more awesome new content like book reviews on my blog.

Last month I also entered a new community which is the Yoga Girl community on Facebook. I will still write a blog post about her because I have a lot to say about her and she’s just my biggest inspiration in life. I will just keep it short now. Yoga Girl is a famous international yoga teacher and has her own studio Island Yoga in Aruba. She is married with Dennis Schoneveld and has a lovely child called Lea Luna. This community makes me also feel less alone. There are now 12000 people in this group. Everyone is sharing their lifes stories. I read a lot of stories about death, self love, mental illnesses such as anxiety, ocd, depression or anything else, trauma, abuse, yoga, following your dreams and so much more. Everyone is openly sharing. We are all looking for acceptance and understanding in life and that’s what I found in this group. Some people give advice and others are just there for you. Sometimes the best advice you can give to someone is to be there for them. I cried of happiness while reading these amazing stories. I’m so happy to be part of this beautiful community ๐ŸŒธ๐Ÿ™.

I’ve always felt that the world is a scary place and awful things happen but maybe those thoughts are also caused by my anxiety disorder. I just always felt like I can’t be myself and have to change myself so that people will like me. I’ve been bullied during my high school years which I also shared on this blog and that made me cause low self esteeem. Every day I’m learning more about myself. I’m learning to really love myself. I’m a highly sensitive person and I feel every emotion. I suffer more but also feel more. I’m just so happy to have found my blogging community, yoga girl community and mental health community online. These communites are so amazing. It reminds me that even though in my past and in this world there are bad people there are also so many good people. You just have to find the right people which is your tribe. Those people will always be there for you no matter what๐Ÿ’•. Communities are there to make people feel less alone and lonely, to share and be honest with each other.

The support I see in all these communities with each other and which I also receive are just from another planet ๐ŸŒ. I wish to meet many of you because you seem all so lovely, understanding and caring. The worlds needs more people like you all โค. I often feel that there are so many people who don’t show their real feelings in life. It feels like it’s better to not feel at all in life. I disagree with that because feeling all those emotions bad or good like anger, happiness, loneliness, sadness is so important. I made the best friends and connections online and in real life with people who are real, honest and can be vulnerable with each other. We have to feel it all in order to let things go in life.

I already made many new friends on Facebook from the Yoga Girl community. Now, I feel less alone. Some of them are Dutch and living in Amsterdam or Leiden so I’m going to meet some of them. I’m just so in need of new friends too because it feels amazing to be able to have deep talks, do yoga and just be surrounded by authentic people. I just wanted to say that even though I never met any of you I know our paths will cross and that this community will heal us all. One of my biggest dreams in life is to go on a Yoga Retreat in Island Yoga and meet Rachel and all those amazing people. Always remember, you are loved. You are enough and you are all so beautiful. You are never alone ๐Ÿ’•.

I hope you all liked this blog post. Do you also feel lonely sometimes? What do you do when you feel lonely? Do you also love to be part of a community? It always makes me feel less alone so I encourage anyone to join a community online whether it will be online or in real life. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

Love, peace & happiness to you all โค

xoxo Christina

Life is fragile

Hey lovelies ๐Ÿ’•,

I always am like I will write now this blog post and then suddenly my head is full of other ideas or something happens and I want to write about a different subject. I think it’s important to always blog about what you are feeling and thinking in that moment. This is a blog post which I just need to share because I feel this way in this moment. This blog post will be about that life is fragile, the loss of Lisa, a girl I know from my choir and how we often take for granted life and our health. I hope this post will not sound that sad but it’s just what I’m thinking and experiencing right now.


I came back from Spain last Wednesday night. On Thursday when I woke up I was just checking my phone what I always do. I checked Facebook and read the bad news of Lisa. I read that she had died and I was like no way this can’t be true. Unfortunately, this sad news was true. I woke up cyring. Me and my parents couldn’t believe it. We were all shocked. Lisa got leucemia 8 years ago and almost died during that time. She also had to go to intensive care and went through many chemo therapies. The worst what happened after she was 8 years free of cancer was that this year she got leucemia back. The same form of cancer. This news was unbelievable hard. She has a blog too where she shared all her stories of her life with leucemia. I always read all those blog posts.

8 years ago I remember that I was always asking her sister when I saw her listening to the choir how Lisa was doing. It was the time my father also was in the hospital. This year she had to go again through chemotherapy. Lastย week she was going through her second chemotherapy. In the future she would have gone through a stam cell therapy too. It was all too much for her body. On Wednesday she was doing really bad and had to go to the intensive care. She died beacuse of liver problems because of the leucemia. She was just 29 years old.ย She also sang in my choir. I don’t think I was in the choir the same time as she because she was older than me but I saw her during concerts and other times we had to sing with the choir. It’s really so unbelievable sad and heartbreaking that she passed away so young. She was just married one year ago in May in the cathedral where we always sang in Haarlem.

What I admire of her is how positive she always remained on her blog. Lisa also wrote a book about her sickness which is called โ€œGebroken bloedโ€. You can buy it on Bol. Her blog is Lisa Hilders if anyone wants to read it but it’s in Dutch. Even though she went through so much she was such a fighter. In one of her last blogs she wrote about how our health is the most important thing in life. If we aren’t healthy we have nothing. I have a hard time dealing with anxiety in my life but I’m happy that I can walk, hear and see. So many people have illnesses and can’t do the things we can. Cancer is a horrible illness. Anxiety is a horrible illness but I can’t die from it. Even though sometimes I feel like dying when I have a panick attack or feel high anxious.

This just reminds me that life is a gift and that we can’t take it for granted. Life is fragile. Sometimes I get caught up in all the negativity and sadness of the world and make myself anxious for nothing. It isn’t worth to feel all of that. The loss of Lisa reminds me again how fragile life is. One second you live, and one second you are dying. We never know what tomorrow will brings us. We have to live for today even thought it’s sometimes difficult to stay present. I also find being grateful really important. In the blog of Lisa I could read how she felt grateful to be at her home during the chemo therapies and how she enjoyed that time to the fullest. We always take things in life for granted and began to think of the things when we don’t have it like our health. Writing this also makes me angry and sad because sometimes life can be so unfair. Why Lisa?! She was fighting to the end and I really was hoping that she would get out of this again. Cancer is just a horrible illness and still so many people die from it every day. I’m glad I donated money in the past for this organization to research more about cancer in that way to safe lives.

The female conductor of my choir wrote a message on the Facebook group of my choir where I’m still updated of news. She posted a post that Lisa passed away and if we wanted to sing two choir songs: Cantique de Jean Racine from Gabriel Faurรฉ and an Irish Blessing. This would be at the cremation of Lisa this Wednesday. I first thought of singing but then I thought that maybe I would be too emotional if I sing so I send the conductor a message. She said that of course I’m welcome and that it’s important for the choir members to focus on this special role. They want to do this for the family of Lisa. I know it will be beautiful. She also said that it’s good that I said that maybe it’s too much for me because there will be many emotions during this cremation. I never went to a cremation before and I’m a bit anxious. I always escaping life and also everything about death. I guess it’s now time to go for the first time and experience this. My mother is also going with me. She worked at my primary school and know my choir members. I’m looking forward to see many of my choir members again because it’s been a long time since I’ve seen them.

This sad news just reminded me that we all can get sick and that we have to live each day as it’s our last. Nothing last forever. We all are going to die. Some earlier than others. I find it important to say I love you to my family and good friends often because you never know when will be the last time you will see a loved one. I don’t want to sound depressing but this is just real life. I’m already sad because of the loss of Lisa and think I would have a very difficult time if a family member or good friend would die. I still need to accept that death is part of life. I have thanatophobia which is a fear of death. I will write a blog post about this subject soon.

It’s good that I’m going this Wednesday with my mother and not alone. If I really get anxious I can always take some anti anxiety medication with me to be sure I’m okay. I do this for Lisa. You are not suffering anymore. I hope you didn’t suffer when you were dying. I wish your family, your hushband, friends and people who know Lisa my deepest condolences. I’m here for you all. I will light up a candle and pray for you ๐Ÿ™โค. May she rest in peace. She will always be reminded as a beautiful women, a beautiful soul that left this world way too young. She will always be in our hearts.

My heart also goes for everybody who is fighting any form of cancer. You are all fighters and warriors. I wish you all a good revocery. I hope you will all beat this horrible illness. I’m here for you all. We’re all in this together. I think of you all. There’s a light in all this darkness. I hope that many organizations and doctors are going to research more and more and there will be better and more solutions for people suffering from cancer. Healthcare is improving and I’m sure that one day there will be even more and better treatments available. I wish that everyone can have a good treatment and get the help they need and deserve. Everyone deserve to be healthy.

Thank you all for reading this blog post. Do you also think life is fragile? Do you also have a family member who has or had cancer? Do you also think we take our health for granted? I wish you lots of strength and love ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ’•. I’m always here for you if anyone of you need to talk.


Much love โค,

xoxo Christina

10 life lessons I’ve learned in 24 yearsย 

Hola lovely bloggers ๐Ÿ’•,

My birthday is exactly in two weeks. I will be 25 years old on the first of June. A quarter of a century… Omg so old hahah. This blog post will about 10 life lessons I’ve learned in 24 years. I hope you can all somehow relate to my life lessons. These 10 life lessons are not in any rank. I find them all equally important.


1. Not because you took longer than others you failed

I had to do my final exam of college of a subject called Legal Dimension of Europe which was about law in August last year. I did that exam in June too but failed for 0.5 point. I felt overwhelming sad and stressed. I thought I was never being able to graduate. My study was 4 years but I took two years longer because of anxiety and the break up of my first love which was when I was 19 years old. I had to do a lot of subjects these last two years which I skipped before. I made myself feeling so stressed because of those negative thoughts that I would never graduate. At the end, I passed that exam with an 8 in August and could graduate. I learned to never give up because at the end you will succeed. I learned that it doesnโ€™t matter if you took longer than others. It doesnโ€™t mean you failed.

2. Everything will happen in the right time

This is also a point which relate to my words on the first life lesso. Thereโ€™s not a rule in life which says that you have to graduate at 20, have your first real job at 22, get married at 25 or have children at 26 for example. I learned that everything will happen on my own time. I still sometimes find myself thinking that I have to have my life together now. Itโ€™s all okay and everything will happen when itโ€™s your time and when feel ready for it. You have your whole life to make anything happen. Just be patient and try not to stress so much about it.

3. Itโ€™s better to have a few real friends than a million of fake friends

Iโ€™m now living in Spain and havenโ€™t seen my friends in The Netherlands for like 6 months. I also have some friends around the whole world who I havenโ€™t seen for years. I know they will always be my friends. The distance doesn’t matter if the friendship is real. I learned that itโ€™s way better to have a few good friends than many fake friends. I always wanted to have a lot friends but I realised it isnโ€™t worth to have so many friends. Iโ€™m happy I loose contact with fake people because they werenโ€™t my friends. A friend would never bully you, laugh about you or talk behind your back. I learned that you can count your real friends on two hands and that they will always understand you and be there for you no matter what.

4. Blogging made me realise that there are still good people in this world

Sometimes I was thinking about all those horrible things that bad people do in this world. I know there are lot of bad people out there but letโ€™s never forget that there are still good people out there. You just have to find the rights ones. Iโ€™m so glad that since I began this blogging adventure last year in August I came in contact with so many amazing people. People who have beautiful values such as being honest, sensitive, vulnerable and real. I love that I made so many great friends online. I love this blogging community so much. I love to make friends with authentic and awesome people like you all are! โค Thank you for always holding space for me and for understanding my thoughts and emotions. It means the world to me.

5. Saving money is really important

I have been studying two years more than my actually studies were. Iโ€™m not so much as debt as other people I know. I only have a debt around โ‚ฌ2500 – โ‚ฌ3000. For me, it sounded very much but then my parents said than when I earn money I can pay it soon back. Of course, I would need a well paying job. I have savings on my bank account and Iโ€™m trying to save money that I get for example for my birthday. Iโ€™m realizing this year that saving money is really important. I know that when Iโ€™m going to work I will save some money on my savings account. I could save this money for taking driving lessons once. Iโ€™m really afraid to take driving lessons once but I really want to be able to drive. In June, Iโ€™m going to have conversations in English with a child and get โ‚ฌ12 each hour so I will save this money. The point is that I find saving money sometimes really difficult because I love to travel, buy concert tickets, buy books, buy food and clothes. I hope I can save this year more and more.

6. Family will always be there for you

I love my family so much. We can get along so well even though in some subjects we may agree. Thatโ€™s all okay. What’s important is that I realised that my family definitely will always be there for me, in good and bad times. I have had some people in my life who were fake friends and left me alone when I felt bad. My family will always support me and not leave me when life gets though.

7. Let all the toxic people go in your life

Iโ€™m happy that I let all those toxic people go in my life. I just donโ€™t want to have people in my life who bully me, talk behind my back and laugh at my face. Those are not what friends do to you. Itโ€™s really good to let those toxic people go because you will feel so lighter and happier. I only want good people in my life such as my real friends and family who will always support me and help me. Toxic people will only create drama, gossips and make you feel bad about youself. Life is too short for all that drama.

8. Follow only people who make you feel good about yourself on social media

I deleted and blocked a lot of people on my social media accounts because I donโ€™t want to have people who only cause drama and negativity in my life. It isn’t worth it. Social media can be a storm of drama and negativity but itโ€™s important to use it the right way. Unfollow accounts which make you bad about yourself such as a top model who look a certain way. You may think that if you look that way you will be happy with youself when it isnโ€™t true. I love to follow people who inspire me and make me feel good about myself such as a famous international yoga teacher called Yoga Girl also known as Rachel Brathen. I love to follow real authentic people who share the good and the bad in life, who are vulnerable and real. I dislike those accounts who only share the good. Life isnโ€™t perfect and on social media many people only share the good and I just donโ€™t like that because it isnโ€™t real. We all have ups and downs in life. The most authentic people on social media are the ones who show that like Yoga Girl and stay true to theirselves. Thatโ€™s what make people authentic.

9. Always follow your heart and your dreams

I learned an important lesson as Iโ€™m 24 years old right now. This lesson is that you always have to follow your dreams even though you may fail. If you never try, you never know if you will make your dream come true. Iโ€™m a strong believer that following your dreams in life is really important and it makes your life purposeful. When I entered the contest to win a trip to New York City and speak at the United Nations I never knew I could win this contest. I won with writing an essay in Spanish about equality of women and men. If I never entered the contest I would never know if I could win. I was so happy to win. My dream was to go to New York City and speaking at the United Nations was just an amazing dream that came true. Always follow your heart and dreams. Deep down in your heart you know what you want but sometimes you are just too scared to take that first step forward to make your wildest and biggest dreams come true. I encourage you to do it because you never know what can happen. It will change your life and you will happy you took that first step forward. Keep on dreaming and dream big! ๐Ÿ’•๐ŸŒ 

10. Travell as much as you can, as far as you can and as long as you can

Education will learn you many things but travelling will learn you things about life you donโ€™t learn at school or in college. Travelling makes me come in contact with different cultures and languages. I love travelling and I will never stop travelling. New York City is the place I visited which was the most far away from my home in The Netherlands and Spain. I hope to visit it again and I hope to travel more and even more far away such Australia and South America. Never stop travelling. Iโ€™m so happy with all the friends I met. I have friends all over the world and I canโ€™t wait to see them all again. Travelling will make your soul richer with every experience and will definitely make you come out of your comfortzone. You will not regret it. Go travel the world. The world is waiting for you to discover every place of it ๐ŸŒ

I hope you all liked these 10 life lessons Iโ€™ve learned in 24 years. Let me know if you agree or relate to any of these lessons. I will speak to you all in my next blog post! Thank you all for reading.

Much love ๐Ÿ˜˜,

xoxo Christina

It’s okay if you don’t have your life together ๐Ÿ’•

Hey lovelies ๐Ÿ˜,

I already wanted to write a blog post about this subject for so long. Self reminder: Youโ€™re still young and youโ€™re not supposed to have your whole life figured out yet. Donโ€™t stress. Everything will work out. I think itโ€™s really an important subject because I can relate to it so much in my life. I’m thinking about this a lot especially because I’m in my twenties. Most of the bloggers who follow me are in their teenage years or twenties. I think they all can relate to this so much. The whole generation of millenials can relate to this. It feels like we have to our lives together when we donโ€™t even know how to start with all the things we have to achieve. How many times have I met people who asked me instantly if I had a boyfriend, what I was doing with my life, what job I had, where I could see myself in 5 years etc etc etc? It was not because they were worried about me if I felt happy in life or how was I doing. They wanted to feel better about themselves and try to impress people with their stories of how everything is so perfect in their lives. They just asked all those questions because they were curious and when they knew it, they had something to gossip about….


When I finished talking they talked about how they have the perfect relationship, perfect job and how they have their lives together. It always makes me feel that Iโ€™m not good enough for not achieving the job I want, for not being in a relationship and just not having my life together. I compare myself way too much to other peoples lives. It makes me cause anxiety and I just overthink everything. I’m such an overthinker which isn’t good. Not everything you see is true. Iโ€™m learning to not do this anymore and to learn that everything will happen at your own time in life. I still havenโ€™t find the career Iโ€™m looking for. Thatโ€™s okay, everything will take time and pacience. I donโ€™t like to rush through life because at the end things will go wrong that way. Iโ€™m also thinking a lot about how my birthday is in less than two months. I will be 25, a quarter of a century omgggg on the first of June. Sometimes that hits me and I think like omg I should have my life together. Sometimes I have a quarter life crisis about it. I start to think that I have to achieve all my life goals now, have a job I like, be in a relationship, marry soon and have kids otherwise I won’t if into this society.

I shouldn’t think this way because when our parents were born life was so different than now. It was easier to find a job where they stayed for the rest of their lives. They married young. My mother married when she was 25 years old. Some women even married younger. They had kids earlier than nowadays. The millenials want something else of life. I guess the most important thing for my parents was to marry, have kids and have a stable job. Nowadays, people switch often from jobs, stable jobs are not that easy to find, people get tired and most millenials want to experience other things in life such as to travel the world and earn a living in a different way such as having an own company. The world changed a lot during this time. Marriage and having kids is not the most important goal in life anymore. Besides, we are much poorer than our parents. I mean like when we finally get a decent job, we donโ€™t even earn that much as our parents did. Marriage and having kids costs a lot of money. We do it when we have money to offer for ourselves and them.

Itโ€™s totally okay if you donโ€™t have your life together yet. What does it really mean to have your life together? I guess we are always growing in life through our experiences in life. We can always face struggles in life and have doubts. Itโ€™s totally normally because nothing is planned in life. Things happen. Life happens. I think the most important thing at the end of the day is love. Love each other, grow with each other and be of service in the world. Trying to make this world a better place. You will find that job you are looking for, you will get married and have kids if thatโ€™s what you want. Remember, you donโ€™t have to get married or have kids to be happy in life. Itโ€™s totally up to you so donโ€™t feel pressured. This is your life and you decide your choices. Donโ€™t feel sad or lost because you donโ€™t have your life together. I also donโ€™t have my life together. Itโ€™s all okay. We are all in this together โค. I believe in the good things coming. All those things will come on our time and be pacient.

I also encourage anyone that feels this way to not compare their lives with other lives who seem to have everything together in life. I know itโ€™s difficult and I must confess that I also do this a lot in my life. I feel worse afterwards because I will think about why canโ€™t I achieve those big goals who other people can achieve. Itโ€™s just not true because we all have to go through our own battles. Even if you donโ€™t see it in a person doesnโ€™t mean they are facing their own struggles in life. Sometimes the little things we achieve in life our the big things such as loving each other inconditionally and try to help others in need. Life isnโ€™t perfect and never will be. Just enjoy your life, be happy and do things which makes you happy ๐Ÿ’• All will be okay. If anyone needs to talk, remember that Iโ€™ll always be here for you all, will understand and respect you and help you. You can always talk to me about anything.

Much love โค,

xoxo Christina