Reflection on 2018 & happy new year to you all! πŸŽ‰βœ¨πŸ’•πŸ’«

Hey lovelies πŸ’•,

Happy new year to you all! βœ¨πŸŽ‰ In this post I will talk about my 2018 and will show you how I celebrated New Year’s Eve. I’m glad I don’t have a cold amymore but just tonight I got my period so yeah that also sucks 😭 I’m glad I take medication for the cramps because otherwise I wouldn’t survive it. Besides, I’m also being anxious about my appointment of getting one of my wisdom teeth pulled out this week. I keep postponing the appointment. I know I have to do it but I’m so scared. H e l p. I also don’t want to do it in Holland. Here in Spain it’s much cheaper and the dentist understands my anxiety but I’m still so afraid and I just feel like I can’t cope. If anyone have some more tips to survive it I will be forever grateful πŸ™πŸ’• I can always take medication for anxiety if that’s enough to help me cope with it.

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We are already in 2019. A year has flown by. As usually I want to reflect on my year with this post and also write some important things for you all. Every year has its ups and downs. Every year consists of good things and bad things which happen to us. The most important thing is how we react to all these things. I know how hard it’s to stay positive in this sometimes dark world. I just keep believing that there are so many good things in the world and that there are indeed so many good people. You just have to find your tribe. I’m so glad I did.

I’m so happy with my blogging community, mental health community, Yoga Girl community and the goddess revolution community. I’m thankful that I joined these communities this year. They made me feel less alone and so much happier. If I’m in Holland I will maybe go to a meet up with some yoga girls. I also really wish that we will continue to all be friends and hopefully one day we will all meet ✨ I know the universe brought us all together for a reason which is to be connected with awesome people, share our struggles and feel supported.

I learned a lot this year. I learn every day from this world. This year I realized that there are truly lovely people who care about you and want you to be happy. I learned that it’s better to have a few good friends than a million of fake friends. The ones who love you will always be there for you no matter what. I learned that true love exists when I saw my brother getting married in August in Spain. I learned that this life is an adventure. Sometimes we win and sometimes we loose. We learn from every experience. I also learned that it’s okay if I’m not where I want to be in life. I still have a long way to go. I will find a career I love and will keep growing. It all takes time, pacience and trust in myself. I have to love myself, believe in myself and know that I can make my dreams come true such as working and living in Spain ✨

I also went to my first feminist strike in Valladolid, in Spain on International Women’s Day on the 8th of March with my mother. This was such an empowerful event. I never went to a demonstration before. I really wish 2019 will be the year that less women will be suffering from violence. I wish that women and men have the same human rights. Together we are starting a revolution. This is just the beginning. 2019 will be the year where women can be themselves, love themselves and love each other πŸ’•

This year I also learned that music is the best thing in life 🎢 I would be lost without music. I went to so many amazing concerts such as the OperaciΓ³n Triunfo 2017 concert in Madrid with my friend Maria πŸ’• OperaciΓ³n Triunfo makes me so happy and full of life. I also enjoyed the concert of Pablo Alboran, Chenoa, Hombres G and Celtas Cortos with my mother in Valladolid. I also enjoyed so much the concert of Sofia Ellar with my friend Maria. I can’t wait to see her again. It was so lovely to meet Sofia and get a picture with her. She’s the best and I can’t wait to see her singing again 😍

This year I began to read again a lot which I loved to do so much when I was younger. I will continue reading this new year. I also kept writing and being creative. I hope to create more amazing content on this blog. Writing is amazing. I travelled to Madrid, Granada, Santander and Somo. I discovered Somo which is a beautiful surfing village in the north of Spain. In 2019 I really want to go to a surf camp again πŸ„β€β™€οΈπŸŒŠπŸŒž. I didn’t go surfing for more than two years. I miss it so much. It’s also so good for my mental health. The sea is my home and cleans my soul. The beach is my favourite place on this earth. I can’t wait to travel to more amazing places and meet more amazing people.

Somo, Santander (September 2018)

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Granada, Andalucia (July 2018)

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La RΓ‘bita, Mediterranean Sea, Granada (July 2018)

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Madrid (March 2018)

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Maybe for some of you this year was a hard year. Maybe some of you have lost someone close to you. Maybe you just didn’t felt okay and were struggling. I’m here for you. It’s okay to grief. It’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay to feel sad. Feelings change and emotions change but it all takes time. Try to not be hard on yourself next year. Remember, I’ll will always be there for you πŸ’• I hope you will invest in self love and self care this new year because that’s the most important thing that matters. I also encourage you all to surround yourself with people who love you and who bring you only good vibes because you deserve that ✨.

I celebrated my New Year’s Eve in Valladolid, in Spain. I decided to not go out with my friends. I also didn’t go out last year. I used to party every year but I don’t feel in the mood anymore. I have to do what feels good to me. I went to the hairdressers in the afternoon to cut the dead ends, my bangs and they made curls in my hair. I love to look good for myself. I dressed up at home and did my make up. My mother and I went to the house of the mother of the wife of my brother. We celebrated all together New Year’s Eve: Rafael, my mother, VΓ©ronica, VΓ©ronica’s mother and her brother. We enjoyed eating delicious Spanish food.

We ate cheese, jamon serrano, chorizo, bread and chicken. I didn’t eat the fish because I don’t like fish so much haha πŸ˜‚ At 12 o’clock we watched the television and ate the 12 grapes. We also had champagne πŸ₯‚. It’s a tradition in Spain to eat the 12 grapes. They say it brings luck. We watched television where we were hearing beautiful music and we played Spanish card games. I really loved it so much. I love playing games with my family. At 3.30 am my mother and I went home and we stayed in watching some television. We went to bed at 6 am pretty late but doesn’t matter because it’s a special night. I’m glad I didn’t go out because as soon as we were home I got my period haha. On New Year’s Day we just stayed in and chilled. I saw the movie Grease. I just love that movie & the music so much 😍 I also saw the movie Paper Towns which I love so much from John Green. I already saw this movie with my best friend one day and loved it.

l wish you all an amazing new year full of love, happiness and luck πŸ€βœ¨βœŒοΈ Stay strong & stay safe. We are all in this together πŸ’ͺ I love you all so so so much ❀️. Thank you all for reading. How was your New Year’s Eve? Did you stay at home or did you went to a party? Which are your goals or dreams to achieve in 2019? I would love to know. I will speak to you all soon in my next blog post.

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Much love πŸ’•,

xoxo Christina

Why I quit drinking alcohol and how it improved my life πŸ‘πŸš«

Hey lovely bloggers πŸ’•,

Today I would like to talk about the fact that I quit drinking alcohol and how it improved my life. I’m going to tell you some stories of my experiences with alcohol and how the decision of quitting drinking alcohol was the best one ever. It’s a topic that I always wanted to write about and I just need to get some things out of my mind. I’m happy to know what you think about it. Maybe, we can have a discussion in the comment section 😊.

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So, I quit drinking alcohol since february 2017 because I began to take antidepressants for my anxiety disorder.  A few months before that I already didn’t drink much anymore. So I guess you all know by reading my blog that I suffer from anxiety. Alcohol is also an antidepressant itself and can make you feel anxious, depressed and emotional. You also loose your concentration or get sleepy when you are drinking too much. When I was on exchange in Spain a few years ago I began to drink so much. Before this exchange time I drank also a lot but during my exchange time in Spain much more. You have to know that I never been an alcoholic just to make that clear. I wasn’t addicted to alcohol. I just drank a lot of alcohol.

I was never really drinking much alcohol, just one or two glasses of wine that’s it. It was until I went on exchange to the city of LogroΓ±o in Spain that I began to drink. This city is famous for their delicious wine and undergound restaurants called bodegas where you can eat and where they make the wine. It was the perfect combination to drink lots of wine πŸ˜‚. I don’t like beer only Sol or Desesperados so I drank a lot of wine there. I remember that the first time I met some exchange students a girl said to me why I didn’t drink and then well I began to drink. It was also more than a half year ago that my ex boyfriend, my first love broke up with me. I didn’t want to be the outsider so I began to drink. Every party we were with people from all over the world drinking and playing drinking games, dancing and going to bars and clubs. I felt really socially pressured to drink.

I was always that party girl but I wasn’t that person. It was not the real me. I drank to please others but not to please myself. I remember many times that I wake up and I felt so bad that I had to vommit and couldn’t eat the whole day. I have bad memories with alcohol. I remember the times I went running and crying through the streets in LogroΓ±o and calling my ex’s name. I even called him once but of course he didn’t pick up. I was so lost. Alcohol made me feel much more anxious, increases my anxiety, made me feel a completely mess and made me feel so low. It was that time that I began to have panic attacks during the night. I was awake feeling anxious and crying the whole night until 8 o’clock and sleeping the whole day.

I didn’t go to many classes. I was supposed to be studying that semester but I only achieved 15 points out of 30 which was pretty much for the times that I partied…. I passed two subjects and the Spanish course. When I remember those times now I feel ashamed but I’ve learnt from my mistakes. Alcohol isn’t good for your health. Of course, a glass of wine or two are nice and make you feel happy but not more. Alcohol increase your anxiety, depression and just make you feel bad. I first always thought that alcohol would make me happy and in the beginning of the night it was true but at the end I was a completely mess. Every morning I regretted to drink and then in the weekends I began again. Drinking alcohol made me feel more confidence to talk to boys. At the end, it wasn’t worth it.

During this time that I take medication I sometimes have been drinking a bit of wine but just some sips. I’m afraid to even drink one glass of wine with combination of antidepressants. That’s why I decided to quit and I’m happy that I quit drinking. Of course, I miss drinking a glass of wine but maybe in the future when I quit one day my medication I can drink that glass of wine. Until then, I’m not missing out of anything. My father quit drinking alcohol for 10 years because of having acute pancreatitis. Just to be clear he didn’t got it because of drinking too much. The doctors said it would be better if he didn’t drink. Now, he can drink again one or two glasses of wine or beer.

The only thing that I hate of not drinking anything is that people seem to not respect me. My real friends understand me and don’t push me. I just went to a party this weekend from a friend and some friends of her said that I was being borring and one said it’s strange to see you not drinking and being drunk. I’m not that person anymore. I never been that party girl. I’m an extroverted introvert. I love to be alone, do my own things and enjoy music by myself. I love to go to concerts with friends. I don’t have to drink to have fun. I love to dance and sing. I had a bad moment this weekend which was that one friend said yeah you should come here with my friends. It was in the middle of the crowd and sorry no not sorry I’m not doing that. I said no so many times. I suffer from anxiety and hate crowds and yes I love going to concerts and parties but I am always near to exit. That friend went to their friends and I cried afterwards with another friend. I felt pressure and not okay. I’m sensitive and don’t like to pushed to do things I don’t want to do and when I say no they have to stop pushing me. Is it so difficult to just respect me? I remember a time that I was in the front and felt so dizzy that I almost fainted so I don’t want to experience that again.

What I just want is that people should respect my decisions. This is my life. I will never say to someone that he or she has to drink to be more fun and crazy. You just do what it’s good for you and you respect others decisions. I don’t want to make excuses all the time or feel bad or an outsider because I don’t drink. I still feel that way sometimes and sometimes I’m saying then that I can’t drink because I take a medication for my period which I do but the main reason is the medication for my anxiety. I’m not telling that to strangers or not good friends. I just want to be at peace and do what feels good to me. At the end of the day, you are all by yourself and you have to be happy about your decisions in life. I will encourage anyone to make their decisions and if anyone ever felt left out know that you are awesome the way you are. The people who drink are not cooler than the people who don’t drink. The people who bully others for that aren’t the right people. I would love to know your experiences. Do you drink alcohol? If not, do you feel like an outsider? What does alcohol make you feel?

I hope you all liked this blog post and will speak to you all in my next blog post. I will write about my second birthday haul and celebration which I had this weekend. My birthday moment is definitely over right now πŸ˜‚. I also will create many Summer related posts for the upcoming months. My blog is going to have a Summer theme yeahhh 🌞❀

Much love πŸ’•,

xoxo Christina

It’s okay to take antidepressants or other meds for your mental illness

Hey lovely bloggers <3,

I’ve always wanted to make a blog post about it. I felt a bit scared to share of all this but since I’m always honest on my blog and you all are so supportive I know it feels good to share it. It’s really an important subject to me. I think many people with a mental illness can relate to this aswell. I have anxiety for like my whole life. I started to take antidepressants in February 20 mg of Lantanon. I also take a benzo when I feel really high anxiety. First, I felt really ashamed of it because I already felt ashamed of having a mental illness: anxiety and taking a medicine to recover made me even feel more weak and guilty of feeling this way. I thought that it’s all my fault and I thought that I have to help myself. It’s really crazy to think that it’s wrong to take a medicine when you have a mental illness?

When we have a physical illness such as fever or a cold it’s so normal for all of us to take paracetamol, ibuprofen or antibiotics. We even don’t think about it. We don’t find it a big issue. You are physically ill and you have to take a medicine to recover, like that’s so common. Nobody looks strange at you when you are having a cold and take a paracetamol. Also when I have my period I take Aleve Feminax which is a Naproxen that helps to relieve the cramps. It’s just all so normal. You go to the doctor and they give you the meds you need.

But then….. You can also have a mental illness like depression, eating disorder, ocd, anxiety…. You can recover with therapy but some people also need to take a medicine to recover. I did some therapy sessions in The Netherlands and it didn’t help for me. I even felt more anxious than ever before. You have to search the thing that works for you. Only you knows what’s the best thing for you to be able to recover. So, some people need to take meds such as antidepressants or anti anxiety meds to be able to function. There is a stigma surrounded with mental illnesses and with meds even more. You can’t get it so easy as when you have a cold. They even warn you for all the side effects and I read that when you stop taking it you will feel so bad. These meds are soooo important. They are saving lives and help people to cope with their mental illness. Why is their even a stigma about it? This really need to change.

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I will admit that I was afraid to take antidepressants too. I read some stories about the side effects and I felt really scared. I tried naturall stuff like tea, valerian and St. Jans Wort and it all didn’t work. I just can’t stand when people are like yeah you just should try natural things and everything will be allright again. I tried that and it didn’t work. I also don’t like when people say like yeah just sleep more, do sports and you will feel better. Sometimes you can’t sleep good because of anxiety or don’t wanna move. That’s what depression and anxiety is about. You just feel tired all the time and don’t wanna do anything and in some cases people have suicide thoughts which makes it even harder to cope with life. I also can’t stand the people who say it’s all about seeking attention when somebody suffering with depression for example say that they wanna die. They feel so bad and have horrible thoughts and they are all suffering in silence. It’s so hard for them to open up. When they finally open up to aΒ  loved one, they say it’s seeking attention or not true. I think that’s really the worst thing you can say to someone mentally ill. If you can’t be kind, then don’t say anything at all. Be there for that person. Let them know you will support them and help them in seeking professional help. That’s just so important.

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Sometimes you need help and take meds for your brain. The brain is an organ too. This organ can also misfuction just like any other organ. I was scared as hell when I began to take antidepressants since february 20mg and a benzo when I feel high anxiety. I even read the description and it said some people will have suicide thoughts and you can call this number when you feel that way. Fortunately, I didn’t had that.Β 
I think there are a lot of horror stories which even aren’t true. They just don’t want that we take it. I mean antibiotics also can cause danger and nobody said anything about that. My father had high cholesterol and got a medicine. This medicine caused him pancreatis. He almost died because of it….. I was 11 years old. In the subscription of the medicine to lower his high colestrol there was even written that it would cause this infection…. You see, you can’t trust these meds too. Every thing has sife effects and stuff but it’s important to know that in many cases nothing badly will happen. It’s also important to seek help by a qualified doctor. To anybody suffering of a mental illness, don’t be afraid to seek for help and take meds for it. If it makes you feel better, then do it.

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I hope this blog post helped the people who are suffering with a mental illness. I believe that if you need to take meds for your mental illness, then you should take it. It saved my life. I cry less and my anxiety is much better than before. Ask for help and take what you need. I know that the more we talk about it and raise awareness, the more people will share about their mental illness an seek help. Recovery is possible and we have the right to speak about our struggles. We don’t have to feel ashamed of anything.

We are all in this together! ❀ You are a warrior! πŸ’ͺπŸ’œπŸ’• Together we are stronger and together we can beat the stigma of mental illnesses!

I love you all <3,

xoxo Christina

 

World mental health day; Remember, you are not alone πŸ’ž

Hey lovelies πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•,

Today is an important day in the world. Today it’s world mental health day. This subject is close to my heart because I have struggled and still struggle with anxiety for like my whole life. I have already shared a lot about having anxiety on my blog. I was always feeling anxious for new things, changes in life, presentations, for dentists or doctors appointments, just anything that make me feel uncomfortable. Everybody can feel this way in their lives.

However, I felt it way more heavy than others. I’m also a highly sensitive person which means that I feel more. I feel every emotion so deep, may it be a bad or good emotion. I’m also a person who analyse and overthink every situation which makes my anxiety even worse. 

Last year I went to the doctor in The Netherlands and got some therapy sessions but it didn’t seem to work. It made my anxiety even worse. It ain’t for everybody. I also took some natural meds such as St. Jans Wort but it didn’t seem to work. Since I went to the doctor here in Spain and got subscriped antidepressants I feel sooo much better than before. These weeks I feel bad again, but it’s the transition of college to real life. I know this energy will shift again. There are just bad and good periods in my life. 

For anybody suffering from a mental health issue please talk with a loved one, get support and help and do what feels right to you. If therapy sessions makes you feel better, do it. If exercise as yoga, swimming or surfing helps, do it. Don’t feel ashamed. I was so ashamed of taking antidepressants because I felt like that if I take that I would be crazy in my head. We can take meds for physical pain but not for mental pain?! Like there needs to be a different mindset. Just do what feels good to you.

For me these things make me feel good about myself:

  • Surfing: I really can’t wait to surf again and feel so free
  • Reading: I love to read novels and self help books
  • Writing: I love to write poems 
  • Blogging: I love to write on this blog. It’s my safe space with such a lovely community πŸ’ž 
  • Singing: I used to sing in a choir for 11 years
  • Being surrounded by my family and friends who support me
  • Nature: It’s just the best for our health πŸ’žπŸ’žπŸ’ž Fresh air πŸπŸ‚πŸƒ
  • Photography
  • Being creative
  • Travelling: I love to go to new places and can distance myself from all the worries I have
  • Swimming
  • Yoga
  • Eating and sleeping well

There are so many other things that you can do to make you feel good. You just have to find what’s best for you. You know yourself as it best. Remember, to always be kind to yourself. You are loved and not alone. 

We need to end the mental health stigma. Every day is mental health day. Mental health is as important as physical health. There are still so many people from all different ages and nationalities suffering. They all need help and we need to end the stigma around this issue. They are not crazy in their minds, they need help, support and compassion. To raise awareness you can draw a circle on your hand with the hastag #iamwhole or wear something yellow with the the hastag #helloyellow and post it on social media.

Remember, we are all in this together, you are not alone πŸ’œπŸ’•πŸ’«

Much love,

xoxo πŸ’žπŸ’žπŸ’ž