Sometimes I really miss my childhood πŸ˜’πŸ’•πŸ‘ΈπŸŒˆπŸŒ 

Hey lovely bloggers πŸ’•,

I wanna talk in this blog post about how I miss my childhood sometimes. I think many bloggers can relate to this aswell, if of course you had a good childhood. Not everybody has that privilige especially kids in underdeveloped countries which I find so sad 😒. I remember one time that I made a box with toys and gave it to a church and they send it to those kids. They were so happy. They even wrote a card back to me. That just made my day! πŸ’•

This is little me, don’t know how old, maybe 5/6. I was dressing up as a beautiful princess haha πŸ‘‘πŸ‘Έ I always liked to play that. I would still do that for a theme party. It’s just so fun. I really like to dress up. I can’t wait to celebrate Halloween this Saturday with my friends here in Spain and dress up like a witch like I do ever year πŸ˜‚.

Sometimes I really do miss being this little. If I think of it I cry a bit. This was the time that I could be myself without a damn care in the world. This was the time that I could wake up at Christmas day and just be sooooo full of excitment. You know that feeling?! That’s just so beautiful. I still love Christmas so much but while having anxiety I find it sometimes stressing to be surrounded by all my family and get asked questions about what I’m doing with my life, career and all that stuff. I just don’t know what to say then. Back then nobody asked those questions. Life was just so simple. I really miss that. I could be happy with little things. As you grow older into an adult it all has to be big things such having a great job, a great partner and so on. Life is made about all those little things. 

This picture was made during Sinterklaas. I always made these crazy moves with my hand haha πŸ˜‚ This is a feast which we celebrate on the 5th of December. He brings presents to the kids. It’s so lovely that we all believed in this. We all believed in Sinterklaas, Santa Claus and The three kings when it wasn’t true. I was really shocked when I knew my parents were the ones who gave me presents. It was that time that I started not to believe the things people were telling me. I felt like everything was a lie. I was 8 years old. It’s just so magical to believe in all of this as a little child. 

That time I turned five years old. I love that the table is covered with images of beer hahaha xD. 

Everything was fun when I was little. I didn’t had periods pain. I played a lot and met great friends in primary school. I was really happy this time. It was at high school that I got bullied and things just changed. It was then that I knew the world wasn’t so colourful as I imagined. It was dark sometimes and sometimes really dark. I got a boyfriend when I was 17 and then at 19 he broke up with me and my whole life felt apart. I’m going to write about that love story in another blog post. It all felt apart in just in one second.

I miss this time where I could be innocent. I miss this time because I felt safe and loved in this wold. I didn’t knew anything yet about the dangers of the world. I just felt so happy and free like everything is fun and could smile and laugh the whole day. I miss this time because my heart was full of love and not broken. I miss this time because I wasn’t afraid of anything. I didn’t know the concept of fear in life. I was climbing on the trees and I didn’t think of falling out of the tree. That thought just didn’t came into my mind. If I would do that now, I would think of being careful and only do it if it will be 100% safe to do because I don’t wanna get hurt. When you are a child you just don’t think of all that stuff. 

What I really do miss is not being able to just not think about one second and not to worry all the time. Now I’m 24, and I worry so much. I guess I believed in too many fairytales. We all have so much to do in life and have to rush to do all those stuff. Adults seem to not be able to enjoy the present moment anymore and just sit still and do yoga and meditate. Those are such great tools to get that present moment and peaceful feeling back.

This picture was made during a holiday in Spain. I love the swing and still play on that sometimes. I just such a carefree feeling. 

This picture was also made in Spain in the Basque country. I was supporting these people hahaha πŸ˜‚

I have grown up with scars in my heart with being bullied in high school, having my heart broken and my father who almost died when I was 11 years old. This all caused me so much anxiety and sadness in life. After all, I’m thankful that this happened to me. It was all so hard but it shaped me. After my first love left me I couldn’t be happy and now after almost 5 years I’m able to be happy again. I now I won’t be this little innocent girl anymore but I have learnt from this all.

I learnt that life isn’t a fairytale but that it’s still so beautiful. We can make it beautiful. Its important to have deep and meaningful relationships with your family and friends. I learnt that we can add colour into our lives. I learnt that your family will always love you no matter how old you are. Your family will always be there for you πŸ’–

Those are my two older brothers. I love them till infinity and beyond. The middle: Rafael is 39 and the left one called Edward is 35. Edward is married and has a beautiful two years old daughter so yeahhh I’m already aunt! πŸ’•πŸ’–πŸ˜ Rafael has a Spanish girlfriend now for two years. 

I learnt that its normal to get nostalgic and sometimes wanna go back in time but its the past. We have to let it all go and move on. The future will be bright, it really will be 🌠 I learnt that we still have that child in our hearts. It’s still there but we have to set it free and be creative. I know the dangers of the world and am more careful but I still believe in the good people. I may be a real princess one day, who knows haha. What I really know is that I will be a dreamer & hippie for life. My heart will always be full of love and light because I so believe that even though the world can be seem really dark, there’s always a light that is shining out there πŸ’«

This is me also in Spain, Basque country in the garden of my lovely Spanish family 😍

Much love,

Christina xoxo 

10 reasons why I love blogging so damn much πŸ’•

Hey lovely bloggers,

I’m gonna share 10 reasons why I love blogging so much πŸ’œ I’m so happy I made WordPress almost three months ago. I never regret any second of it.

  1. Blogging brings me so much happiness to my life. Whenever I feel bad I can read some inspirational posts or quotes and feel happier again. 
  2. The blogging community is just the most awesome community ever. You are all so kind, lovely, beautiful, sensitive and so supportive. It just gives me goosebumps because it makes me remember that there are so many good people out there in this sometimes dark world.
  3. It inspires me so much. I learn so much of reading your blog posts. I can learn how to paint my nails for halloween, how to stay healthy, book reviews, travel tips, inspirational quotes, how to search for a job, how to handle my anxiety, improve self love and just soooo much more. I think blogging is such a good tool for inspiration.
  4. I love writing so much. Here I can write about anything. I love writing poems, my thoughts and feelings.
  5. It’s so good for my mental health. I have anxiety for like my whole life. Since I begin to share all my thoughts and feelings I feel less alone. I feel so supportive. There are more people on here who have a mental illness. I love the fact that not only the people who have a mental illness but also the ones who don’t have it understand me. I think that’s just so magical. In real life, there’s still a stigma around it and some people just don’t get it. Here it’s different πŸ’œ
  6. I feel safe here. Even though my blog is an open space I still feel safe and kinda privated. I just can write about anything and feel respected. I can wrote about how people have bullied me in high school, how I suffer from anxiety and how my first love broke up with me and it’s just all okay. Nobody will judge me and for that I’m so damn blessed. You are da best! πŸ’•
  7. There are no rules how to blog. In life there are many rules on how you have to do this and this but with blogging there are just no rules. Everything you write is okay. It doesn’t matter about what you write. It doesn’t matter if you write about your bad day or how you are stressing about an exam. Everything is okay because those are your feelings, thoughts and experiences. It’s your blog and you decide about what you are going to blog. 
  8. There is not a specific time when you should blog. You can just blog whenever you want. It doesn’t matter if you blog in the early morning, afternoon or late at night. It’s all okay. Just do it whenever you want.
  9. You can blog anywhere you want. This is also an important reason why I love blogging so much. You can just do it anywhere, may it be in a cafe, at school or in your garden. You just have to have your laptop or mobile phone with you. Then you can start to write. 
  10. It’s free. While other hobbies cost something like going swimming or doing a yoga class, blogging is totally free. You can have a premium account on WordPress if you want. It’s up to you. I don’t have one. Blogging is free and you can even gain money out of it but I don’t know how that works πŸ˜‚ Maybe one day I can make that happen… don’t know.

Are there any other reasons why you love blogging? Tell me, I would love to hear! πŸ’œ

I love you all so much πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’• I hope that you are all doing fine. In case you are not, I’m here for you. You are strong. You are all beautiful human beings. 

Much love to all of you,

Christina xoxo

You can either run from your past or learn from it πŸ’«

Hey lovely bloggers πŸ’•,

I just love this quote so much from R.M. Drake from Instagram πŸ’œ. You can all follow him on Instagram. I love his poetry and books he has written. This is exactly the way I’m feeling right now. If anybody feels this way too, remember you are not alone in this. Sometimes I still feel the the pain of my past. The pain of having my heart broken and giving my heart to the wrong people. It still fucking hurts πŸ’”πŸ˜’ .

I wish I could hate you and write everything that I hate about you… but I just can’t. There’s still a little piece in my heart that loves you, and maybe always will. First loves always hurt. First break ups even more. This Christmas it will be already 5 years since you left me. It’s such a long time ago. I’m so much better than before and almost don’t cry about you anymore but sometimes it still hits me how you broke my heart into pieces. We were too young.  I wanna feel love again and I know I can. It just takes time. My heart needs to heal. 

I also feel the hurt of people who hurt me in the past. I can still remember of people bullying me and making me feel worthless. When I meet new people I’m afraid to open up. When I know they are good people I can make life long friendships. I just have to feel safe. I have to remember myself that I’m not my past. I have to remember myself that I’m strong enough to let it all go.

If anybody feels this way too, remember that you are loved and not alone. We all go through hard times, just not at the same time. We all have to deal with toxic people in our lives. The best thing ever I did was to let those people go and only surround myself with good people, the ones who lift you up and will love you no matter what happens. You can either run from your past or learn from it like they say in The Lion King πŸ’• .

Learn from it, grow and be the best version of yourself because you fucking deserve all the good things of the world. You are beautiful and loved πŸ’•πŸ’«βœŒ

Much love,

xoxo πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•