5 surfers died doing what they loved to do the most in The North Sea πŸ˜’πŸ’”πŸ‡³πŸ‡±

Hey lovelies πŸ’•,

I wanted to write a more happy blog post but I just can’t. I have to always write what’s on my mind. Right now, I feel so much loss and I am so sad. I feel heartbroken πŸ’”. I cried this whole week SO much. I will talk about the tragedy which happened on Monday afternoon in the beach Scheveningen πŸŒŠπŸ‡³πŸ‡±πŸ˜’. 5 surfers died doing what they loved to do the most. I also wrote a poem abou it which I will let you see below. This is also my 200th post on my blog which I’m proud about but today’s blog post is something more important. Some people will maybe not understand me but I can grief so hard for people I don’t know. I’m a sensitive person and an empath. That’s how I live my life now and forever. I will not change that for anyone if you like it or not.

On Monday afternoon in Scheveningen at 7 o’clock a group of surfers came in problems. There was a strong wind and current. They didn’t surf near to the port because it’s more dangerous there. They know the sea so well because they were experienced and even life guards. They found the two bodies on Monday and the other two on Tuesday. They are still searching for the fifth body. Even the rescue team had problems in finding them. Some people were saved, a man who was 40 years old and other people. A friend of them was saved. They were all from the regio of The Hague. The ones who died were between 20 and 30 years old. It’s so heartbreaking that the sea took their lives. It was even on the news of the World Surf League which is the association of surfing professionals. They died suffocated in the foam. This is very strange because that doesn’t happen often. Now they will further investigate it. I hate when people say it’s their fault. I find it disrespectful when people say that. The rescue team in The Netherlands saved one person who also had a baby, a family together. That person was friends with the ones who died. I wouldn’t know how to cope when I know my best friends died but I got saved. I think it must be so heartbreaking.

I know surfing is sometimes a risky sport but surfers know that. I love surfing and even made my thesis about surfing for graduating college. I wrote about the surf brand O’Neill and the surfing lifestyle. I love to live that lifestyle like all surfers are living that. It means to enjoy the sea, having respect for nature, for the environment and for every living being. I’m a beginner surfer by heart. The sea is my home. I also surfed on the beach of Scheveningen many times. It makes me the most happy person ever. Even though I’m not good at catching waves yet, I have fun and feel the most alive on my surfboard. They died doing what they loved to do. I just don’t think there’s anything poetic about that because it must be a horrible death being drowned by the sea. I’m so sorry for them 😒. I think they suffered a lot and did all they could to be saved. Since I heard the news I couldn’t stop crying. I wrote a poem about what happened. It’s also on my poetry account on Instagram. I can’t think of anything else right now.

The wild sea

I love the sea

It’s my favourite place in the world

I love to hear the waves crashing to the shore


I love to smell the salty air


I love to feel the wind in my face


I love the taste of the salt sea


I love to see the waves


What I love the most of surving


Is the feeling of being alive


It makes me so happy


At the same time the sea scares me


Last night a tragedy happened in Scheveningen


5 experienced body surfers lost their lives


The wind & the big waves took their lives


How can nature be so cruel?


How can be something so beautiful at the same time kill people?


It’s mother nature at their wildest


I spent the day crying


I don’t know you but I feel the losses in my heart


Being an empath and highly sensitive person makes you grief people you don’t even know

I’m so sorry Joost, Sander, Pim, Max and Matthijs

The sea took your life


May you rest in peace


You were all too young


You died doing what you loved to do


We are mourning the losses


The sky is crying with you


You are all an inspiration for us

You will not forgotten

I send all my love to the friends and family


You are all loved

The surfing community will always be there for each other

We will stick together

Love you
πŸ’•

A sea of words

I hope you all liked my poem. The picture is from someone on Instagram. I love to see sunsets on the beach. They are the most magical ever. I truly believe these heroes are somewhere there watching us from above. We will continue surfing remembering them. I just always have to write a poem when a tragedy happens, especially one so close to home. Scheveningen is a place I come often to surf, chill and enjoy the beach. It’s close to The Hague where I went to college to. I often celebrate my birthday at the surf school Hart Beach. These men were from another surf school but they were all surf teachers and know the sea very well. They know the dangers. The meters of foam happened suddenly when they were body surfing. I love the community of surfers so much. They are all so lovely and connected with each other. I have some friends who surfed with me but I would love to find more people who could surf with me. Sometimes I was also thinking to get a job in the surf industry. It would be so amazing! Caring about the environment, enjoying nature and loving the sea is everything I stand for in life. I know some of my studies live there and are also heartbroken about the news. Also one girl from my studies know some people who have died. She’s a professional surfer who surfed with them too.

It’s so sad that life can be over in just one second. We never know when will be the last day we are living. We never know when we will die. It terrifies me but at the same time it also makes me think that I want to live the life of my dreams. I would love to learn to be able to surf well and catch some good waves. It makes me feel alive, happy and feel less anxious. The sea cures everything but sometimes it’s a monster which takes people. I always have much respect for the sea. It’s mother nature at it’s wildest 🌊. We can learn how to surf the waves but we can’t go against the sea. The sea will always be stronger than us at the end. Nature will always be stronger than human beings and can destroy us whenever we least except it, thinking of natural disasters such as earthquakes or tsunami’s. We really have to care more about mother nature. It’s the most beautiful thing in the world and also sometimes the scariest thing ever 😒. We have absolutely no control of it.

Today, our hearts go out to the 5 families and friends of the people we lost in Scheveningen yesterday. The 5 surfers where body surfing and were experienced. They didn’t come home after their session. Even though I don’t know them I feel this loss so deeply. I am an empath and highly sensitive person and always feel everything so deeply. I don’t have to know someone personally to feel what others are going through. I can feel their feelings so deeply. This is the prize I take for feeling so much. I also suffer so much too. I don’t know how I would cope when someone I know dies. This is a black day for the Dutch surf community and we wish all who are involved the strength to deal with this loss πŸ˜’πŸŒŠπŸ™πŸ„πŸ‡³πŸ‡±. We are all mourning their losses. The sea is so wild and strong. It takes and gives. I am here for you all. Sending you all my love and strength πŸ’•πŸ™. I hope this poem made you feel less alone in mourning their grief.

Always when something like this happen I would love to help other people and be of service. I know I can’t make the death surfers come back into life. I wish that power would exist. If I lived near to Scheveningen I would bring flowers to the surf school. Everyone is doing that and they are griefing all together around the place where the tragedy happened. Maybe, I’m going to sent the surf school a card and flowers letting them know they aren’t alone in their pain. The families and friends need to grief right now and need their privacy. I also am going to donate money for the KNRM which is the The Royal Netherlands Sea Rescue Institution. They are always rescuing people and it’s important to donate money even though you may not have much money. You can donate on this website: KNRM.

This is a beautiful poem I found on Instagram. It sounds better in Dutch of course but I loved it.

”If mermen really existed,
at home on the coast and could go as fishes through the water
then they were named surfers
and everyone in Scheveningen would know that
the sea belongs to them and they belong to the sea
her waves took the men forever with her.”

Thank you all for reading this heartbreaking but necessary blog post. It was my 200th blog post. I just had to write about this tragedy. What do you think of my poem? Are you a sea lover? Does the sea scares you? Does anything similiar happened in your country? Let me know lovelies. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

Much love πŸ’•,

xoxo Christina

Fear of death

Hey lovelies πŸ’•,

I wrote this post a few months ago. I wanted to share it now with you all. Today I will talk about one of my biggest fears in life and which is also a real trigger for my anxiety. I hope this blog post will not sound that weird but I just need to write my thoughts and feelings about this subject down here. This is the only safe space where I can just vent knowing that every strange thing I will write about will be accepted haha πŸ˜‚. I’m going to talk about my fear of death. Fear of death is also named thanatophobia. I know I had/have this my whole life.

Since I’ve been little I’ve always been thinking about life and death. I was always wondering about life. Since I began to realise that we’re all going to die one day I completely paralised. It makes my anxiety disorder worse because every time I begin to think about this I feel so anxious. It’s pretty strange too because when I had a panic attack or felt so anxious I remember times I said to myself: “I just want to die. I can’t live with this intense pain anymore.” The thing is, I don’t want to die because I’m afraid of dying. I’m afraid of life too because of anxiety. It’s a constant circle of thoughts. The thought that we are all going to die and that the sun and just this whole world will stop one day too makes me really feel so anxious.

I remember times I was talking with my best friend about this subject and she said to me that she wouldn’t want to live forever. I also think that it will not be great if you see everyone around you dying and you are the only one who lives forever. Maybe, it’s okay that one day everything stops but still it feels scary and strange. I always thought like okay a person can maybe live 100 years so I was always counting how many years that person still could live before they turn 100. I know maybe this sounds really crazy haha but I always do that πŸ˜‚. Then I think ohhh this person still can live 50 years for example and I get a bit happier about the fact that he/she still has many years to live.

When I’m getting really deep in my thoughts I also begin to think that this life is precious and fragile. One day you live, the next day you die. You never know when it will happen to you. I begin to think how amazing all those little things in life are as seeing the flowers blossom, listening to your favourite music, hearing the waves of the ocean crashing to the shore, listening to the singing of the birds and so many other things that we often take for granted. The fact that we are a human being that lives and breath on this earth is just a beautiful miracle ✨

I have also always been afraid of growing older because of this fear. I know I have to be happy about growing older because not everyone get that privilege. I know so many times that during my childhood kids would say: β€œI can’t wait to grow older”. I always thought to myself: β€œI want to stay this little forever.” Growing older for me also meant being bullied at highschool, my first break up, anxiety disorder and so many other problems in life. I loved being little and careless. Every year my birthday arrives I get anxious and begin to think about my life. One year less to live. I also begin to think about the fact that I’m not living the life I want and still not have achieved the things I dream of. I know I’ve time but it just makes me anxious to think of that time is running out.

The worst part of the fear of death is thinking about loosing my parents one day. I think that’s the worst part of it all. I can already feel the tears in my eyes coming. I’m crying right now. This thought sometimes keeps me up at night and I remember so many times that I was crying about this at night. I remember that I googled it so many times. I just don’t know how I would cope without my mother and father. I love them so much. Maybe, this fear comes also from my teenage years where I almost lost my father. When I was 11 years old my father got accute pancreatis because of taking a medicine for high cholestrol. This was a side effect of that medicine. He had to go through 5 surgeries in 5 years of being ill. Basically, they cut a lot of his organs because he had so many complications during these years. I almost lost my father when I was just 11 years old 😒. A few times he was really in life danger and almost died.

I just remember how I was crying and praying that he would live. This fear of death was so real because I just felt it in all my bones. I’m so happy he survived it. He has now diabetics because they also cut his pancreatis to have no infection anymore. He’s living with that illness and hopefully he will live many more years. He still goes to controls every year. Even though I have a better relationship with my mother because she understand me so well I love them both of course. The thought of loosing my father or mother is just the worst. They are the ones who brought you to life and loosing them will make you feel like you are loosing something of yourself.

The worst thing about it is that I know of course that this will happen one day. Also when I think of loosing my best friends, brothers, family members or other loved ones it makes me so unbelievable sad. I don’t want to live in a world without them. I know I will have to. I never went to a funeral until last year in October. Lisa, a girl from my choir, died from leucemia. I went with my mother to this cremation. It was really a beautiful ceremony. I only saw the closed coffin. I’m glad I conquered this fear and went for the first time in my life. I know I will always have this fear but hopefully it will become better within time.

Maybe, death is also our teacher. After I went to this funeral I begin to think about life. When people die around you it teach you that life is fragile and that you only have one life. β€œLove the life you live. Live the life you love” as Bob Marley says ❀️. We have to always listen to our hearts and follow our dreams. I long of inspiring people and helping other people in need. I want to make this world a better place to live in. I want to travel the world. I have so many dreams that I want to achieve. This life is beautiful and death is part of it. Life is everything between birth and death. I hope I can let my mind become more still and less anxious about this fear of death. Let us all enjoy life and be happy. That’s what matters the most.

Thank you all for reading this blog post. Do you also have a fear of death? Can you relate to it? I would love to know your thoughts of this topic in the comment section. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

Much love πŸ’•,

xoxo Christina

Conversations & having fun with my 3 year old niece πŸ’•πŸ‘§

Hey lovelies πŸ’•,

Today I will write a different blog post because I think it’s really fun to share. I hope you all will like it πŸ˜„. I will share some funny conversations I had with my niece and how much I love being an aunt. It’s so much fun and you learn so much from children. My brother Edward lives with his wife Elke and Noanne in the south of The Netherlands. They live near to Eindhoven. I don’t see them that often because they live far away from us like two hours by car/train. I was also living in Spain for a long time. Now that I’m back for a time in The Netherlands I see them more often. I really love that.

Two weeks ago my niece and brother came to our house in Haarlem. They came at 10.30 in the mornings and I had to wake up early πŸ˜‚ I slept only 6 hours that day so I was really tired. It was so nice to see them again. I took some nice pictures of Noanne with me in my room but I can’t share them online because my brother and his wife don’t want that. Of course I respect their privacy even though I really would like to share them…. maybe in the future who knows.

The last time I saw my niece and brother was on the wedding of my brother Rafael in August in Spain. It was nice to spend time with each other again. She’s now 3 years old and she can already talk a bit. We went upstairs to my room. I was afraid that she would fall from the stairs but she could climb the stairs upstairs alone. She said to me: “I’m a big girl, I can do it alone.” When we were upstairs in my room she felt like she was on a fair 🎑🎒🎠 I have so many stuffed animals, colours and things in my room hahaha πŸ˜‚ She was really happy to be in my room.

She began to analyse and look to my things and pick some stuff from my room. Then she looked on my floor where I had my antidepressants lying on the floor next to some books. She looked to my medication and said to me: “What’s that?” I was like uuuuhhh πŸ˜… Do I have to explain it or just stay silence? I stayed silence and let it be. Maybe, one day I will explain it when she gets older. I don’t think she will understand it anyway because she’s so little.

She’s just so curious about everything. I think it’s really important in a child to be curious of the world, ask questions so you get to know how things work. I still feel curious about so many things and would love to ask questions but then I get scared because of judgment. Then out of the blue she said and looked to my bedside table: “Why do you have a snow ball on your bedside table?” I felt confused and thought I began to go crazy πŸ˜‚ I didn’t know what she meant but I guess she meant the fluffed snowman which had a little book. I had to read the little story for her. We had a nice time with the family.

Last Saturday my mother and I went to Eindhoven, which is a city in The South of The Netherlands. I really love this region so much. It’s called Brabant. We went to the light festival Glow which is every year. Maybe I will post another blog post with some videos and pictures of this event. When we arrived at the station of Eindhoven we met my brother and Noanne. As we were sitting in the car suddenly Noanne said: “When we are older we die.” I was like wow is it normal to talk about these things when you are only three years old?! 😱 My brother and Elke talk about everything with her. We went to the house of my brother in Geldrop. We also ate there during the evening.

I remember that I went to the toilet to do my make up and brush my hair to be ready to go to the light festival. Noanne was talking to me while I was in the toilet haha πŸ˜‚. I opened the door and she said: “What are you doing?” I said that I was doing my make up. Then she said: “Do you do that every day?” I said that I don’t do it everyday. I was brushing my hair and did all my hair for my eyes so that you couldn’t see me. Noanne then said: “You are hiding” and “Beautiful brown hair.” Then she said that I’m a monkey hahah πŸ˜‚ She’s so crazy πŸ’• I love it. I said that I have clits in my hair and then she said that she also has that and that it hurts.

I love that she always says that I’m really sweet. She’s such an adorable child πŸ’– Her favourite colour is black hahah which is really rare. She loves to colour and is such a crazy lovely child. She laughs a lot and is always happy. I wish I was a child again. It’s so great to be so little and be innocent. When we were leaving she grabbed me and I felt down on the ground and then she said: “I want to stay with you.” Then she did such her mouth in the form of a kiss and said that she also want lipstick. She’s just so cute. I really love her so much.

If only she could stay this young forever. When I look in her eyes and see the way she acts I feel happy. When you are that young you are just going with the flow in life and don’t know the dangers of the world. Everything is nice and funny. I really wish I could go back to that time again because I was such a happy child. It was in my teenage years that I begin to feel bad because of anxiety, being bullied and having my first heart break. Sometimes I really wish we could be able to travel back in time and relive those moments of true happiness again. Hopefully, I will live such moments again in my life. I’m sure that that time will come too.

Noanne makes me feel happy and and makes me think of how simple life is. Adults complicate life so much when real happiness is so simple like a laugh, being crazy and enjoying the little things in life. We are never growing up like Peter Pan. We always have child in us and we have to play with our inner child every day. On the 1th of December we are celebrating Sinterklaas with the whole family so we will be back in Brabant. I can’t wait to see them all again and get presents. I love that time of the year so much.

Thank you all for reading. I hope you all liked this blog post about conversations with my little niece Noanne. Do you also have these kind of conversations with your niece/nephew? Do you also love the joy and innocence of children? Do you also wish to go back in time and be a child again? Let me know in the comments. I would love to know your thoughts.

Much love πŸ’•,

xoxo Christina

Life is fragile

Hey lovelies πŸ’•,

I always am like I will write now this blog post and then suddenly my head is full of other ideas or something happens and I want to write about a different subject. I think it’s important to always blog about what you are feeling and thinking in that moment. This is a blog post which I just need to share because I feel this way in this moment. This blog post will be about that life is fragile, the loss of Lisa, a girl I know from my choir and how we often take for granted life and our health. I hope this post will not sound that sad but it’s just what I’m thinking and experiencing right now.

when-you-see-how-fragile-and-delicate-life-can-be-all-else-fades-into-the-background-quote-1

I came back from Spain last Wednesday night. On Thursday when I woke up I was just checking my phone what I always do. I checked Facebook and read the bad news of Lisa. I read that she had died and I was like no way this can’t be true. Unfortunately, this sad news was true. I woke up cyring. Me and my parents couldn’t believe it. We were all shocked. Lisa got leucemia 8 years ago and almost died during that time. She also had to go to intensive care and went through many chemo therapies. The worst what happened after she was 8 years free of cancer was that this year she got leucemia back. The same form of cancer. This news was unbelievable hard. She has a blog too where she shared all her stories of her life with leucemia. I always read all those blog posts.

8 years ago I remember that I was always asking her sister when I saw her listening to the choir how Lisa was doing. It was the time my father also was in the hospital. This year she had to go again through chemotherapy. LastΒ week she was going through her second chemotherapy. In the future she would have gone through a stam cell therapy too. It was all too much for her body. On Wednesday she was doing really bad and had to go to the intensive care. She died beacuse of liver problems because of the leucemia. She was just 29 years old.Β She also sang in my choir. I don’t think I was in the choir the same time as she because she was older than me but I saw her during concerts and other times we had to sing with the choir. It’s really so unbelievable sad and heartbreaking that she passed away so young. She was just married one year ago in May in the cathedral where we always sang in Haarlem.

What I admire of her is how positive she always remained on her blog. Lisa also wrote a book about her sickness which is called β€œGebroken bloed”. You can buy it on Bol. Her blog is Lisa Hilders if anyone wants to read it but it’s in Dutch. Even though she went through so much she was such a fighter. In one of her last blogs she wrote about how our health is the most important thing in life. If we aren’t healthy we have nothing. I have a hard time dealing with anxiety in my life but I’m happy that I can walk, hear and see. So many people have illnesses and can’t do the things we can. Cancer is a horrible illness. Anxiety is a horrible illness but I can’t die from it. Even though sometimes I feel like dying when I have a panick attack or feel high anxious.

This just reminds me that life is a gift and that we can’t take it for granted. Life is fragile. Sometimes I get caught up in all the negativity and sadness of the world and make myself anxious for nothing. It isn’t worth to feel all of that. The loss of Lisa reminds me again how fragile life is. One second you live, and one second you are dying. We never know what tomorrow will brings us. We have to live for today even thought it’s sometimes difficult to stay present. I also find being grateful really important. In the blog of Lisa I could read how she felt grateful to be at her home during the chemo therapies and how she enjoyed that time to the fullest. We always take things in life for granted and began to think of the things when we don’t have it like our health. Writing this also makes me angry and sad because sometimes life can be so unfair. Why Lisa?! She was fighting to the end and I really was hoping that she would get out of this again. Cancer is just a horrible illness and still so many people die from it every day. I’m glad I donated money in the past for this organization to research more about cancer in that way to safe lives.

The female conductor of my choir wrote a message on the Facebook group of my choir where I’m still updated of news. She posted a post that Lisa passed away and if we wanted to sing two choir songs: Cantique de Jean Racine from Gabriel FaurΓ© and an Irish Blessing. This would be at the cremation of Lisa this Wednesday. I first thought of singing but then I thought that maybe I would be too emotional if I sing so I send the conductor a message. She said that of course I’m welcome and that it’s important for the choir members to focus on this special role. They want to do this for the family of Lisa. I know it will be beautiful. She also said that it’s good that I said that maybe it’s too much for me because there will be many emotions during this cremation. I never went to a cremation before and I’m a bit anxious. I always escaping life and also everything about death. I guess it’s now time to go for the first time and experience this. My mother is also going with me. She worked at my primary school and know my choir members. I’m looking forward to see many of my choir members again because it’s been a long time since I’ve seen them.

This sad news just reminded me that we all can get sick and that we have to live each day as it’s our last. Nothing last forever. We all are going to die. Some earlier than others. I find it important to say I love you to my family and good friends often because you never know when will be the last time you will see a loved one. I don’t want to sound depressing but this is just real life. I’m already sad because of the loss of Lisa and think I would have a very difficult time if a family member or good friend would die. I still need to accept that death is part of life. I have thanatophobia which is a fear of death. I will write a blog post about this subject soon.

It’s good that I’m going this Wednesday with my mother and not alone. If I really get anxious I can always take some anti anxiety medication with me to be sure I’m okay. I do this for Lisa. You are not suffering anymore. I hope you didn’t suffer when you were dying. I wish your family, your hushband, friends and people who know Lisa my deepest condolences. I’m here for you all. I will light up a candle and pray for you πŸ™β€. May she rest in peace. She will always be reminded as a beautiful women, a beautiful soul that left this world way too young. She will always be in our hearts.

My heart also goes for everybody who is fighting any form of cancer. You are all fighters and warriors. I wish you all a good revocery. I hope you will all beat this horrible illness. I’m here for you all. We’re all in this together. I think of you all. There’s a light in all this darkness. I hope that many organizations and doctors are going to research more and more and there will be better and more solutions for people suffering from cancer. Healthcare is improving and I’m sure that one day there will be even more and better treatments available. I wish that everyone can have a good treatment and get the help they need and deserve. Everyone deserve to be healthy.

Thank you all for reading this blog post. Do you also think life is fragile? Do you also have a family member who has or had cancer? Do you also think we take our health for granted? I wish you lots of strength and love πŸ™πŸ’•. I’m always here for you if anyone of you need to talk.

42600673_10210264123279242_2558780110085816320_o

Much love ❀,

xoxo Christina

Grieving about a celebrity is not crazyΒ 

CgGxJDqW8AIL8nt

Hola lovelies πŸ’•,

Last Friday one of the most famous DJ’s named Avicii died. This Swedish DJ was just a legend, a genius, a beautiful human being. I spoke about his death in this blog post: R.I.P. Legend DJ Avicii πŸ’”πŸŽΆπŸ˜’ I never knew this news would hit me so hard. I don’t want to repeat myself but today I’m going to write about Avicii again and that’s not crazy to grief about someone you have never met such as a celebrity. I gues I’m not the only one who have experienced this. Does anyone of you have experienced this one day?  I would love to know your story in the comments.

So many legends die so young such as musicians, writers, actors, singers, models….. I can name a few important names who have left us so early which are Michael Jackson – 50 years old, Whitney Houston – 48 years old, Amy Winehouse – 27 years old, Marilyn Monroe which is one of my favourite actresses died when she was only 37 years old and many more. Marilyn Monroe was born the first of June just like me. I could add many more to this list which is really sad. Most of the famous people die because of suicide, being alcoholic and taking too much drugs. They all face a lot of stress and anxiety in their lives and in order to cope with it they use those methods which makes their health worse. The death of Avicii came to a shock to me. I guess to all of us. The whole world couldn’t believe it. I really like house music mostly because of him. His style of Electronic Dance Music was just so amazing. His songs were so inspiring and happy. It always made me have a smile on my face. He was loved by the whole world. This weekend there was a tribute in Stockholm, the place he came from. Some of his music was played and all his fans were crying. They were remembering him. Also in The Netherlands, the Dom Tower in Utrecht played some of his songs and in Spain during the Pre Party of Eurovision Alfred and Laura played Wake me up in Sala Riviera in Madrid. I saw it on the internet and it was so beautiful to see how we all know the lyrics and sing it out loud.

He was loved by the whole world. I never knew I was going to be so sad for so many days and grief about someone who I’ve never met. Of course, I also have gone through some grief when my Spanish grandmother died but I was too young to understand death. I will write a blog post soon about why I’m so afraid of death. It’s a phobia in my life. I’ve never went to a funeral in my life. My parents said that I was too young to go. It’s not crazy to grief about a celebrity even though you have never met them. I guess many of us feel connected to some celebrities. I feel connected to Avicii because of his songs and lyrics. I played the songs all the time. My first love, ex boyfriend was a huge fan of Avicii and his favourite song was Seek Bromance with the edit of Avicii. I don’t know if he’s still a fan because I don’t talk to him anymore. I always listened to this song with him and it became a part of my life.

The fact that Avicii died at such a young age, only 28 years old hits me really hard because sometimes it feels like we are just surviving through life but not really living. I feel that way sometimes. I can relate to his lyrics from The Nights so much like: “One day you”ll leave this world behind so live a life you will remember”. I really want to live this way but yet my anxiety don’t always let me. I’m feeling happier than a few years ago but I still need to find myself. I need to get my life together but I’m scared. His lyrics helps me to go on and to remind myself to live a life I’m happy about. Also the lyrics about the song Wake me up relate to me. “Feeling my way through the darkness guided by a beating heart”. I’ve experienced a lot of anxiety in my life which made me difficult to see the light but at the end there is a light and your life has a purpose even though sometimes you may not see it. I also love the sentence: “Hope I get the chance to travel the world and wish that I could stay forever this young”. I do hope to travel around the world as much as I can, as far as I can and as long as I can. I love this sentence too: “Life’s a game made for everyone and love is a prize” I trully believe we are alive to love each other and that life is worth it πŸ’•

This weekend I watched the documentary on Netflix of Avicii which is called True Stories. I made me think about my life because he was also going through a lot of stress and anxiety in life. The reason why he died is still not released. I just really hope it isn’t suicide. I wish people would care more about each other and ask more often how are you doing. I wish people would ask that in the way to help someone and not because they are interested and just wanna judge you. In this documentary you see that Avicii was really vulnerable, sensitive and also an introvert. His manager Ash pushed him sometimes to keep touring but he couldn’t do it because he felt ill. He was afraid to dissapoint his manager, agencies and fans. Sometimes I feel that way too in my life. I’m always afraid to dissapoint people. Besides, Avicii had pancreatis just like my father had. That’s also a point why this death hits me hard. My father almost died when I was 11 years old. I will also make an apart blog post about this. Long story but I will tell it short. He had to go through 7 surgeries in 5 years time with many complications. Now, he has diabetis but he’s alive and that’s the most important thing which counts for me. Avicii also had to go through surgery and they took his appendix and gal bladder out. My father also don’t have the gal bladder anymore.

In the documentary True Stories, I also saw how he suffered from anxiety and stress just like I do in my life. It’s really sad that not much people understand this. It’s still a stigma and needs to end. I feel like suicide, depression, anxiety, eating disorders etc is even a bigger stigma in the famous world then in the non-famous world. People just assume that famous people have their lives together and that everything’s perfect when it isn’t at all. I guess they have so much more stress to go than a normal person. When you are famous, you don’t have any privacy. Avicii started to drink alcohol because he felt anxious when he had to go on stage. A few drinks of alcohol made him feel a bit happier and less anxious to do his concerts. I really can understand him but it wasn’t good for his health. He came in a negative cycle which contribute to pancreatitis. I liked the documentary because it showed the real life of Avicii, his ups and downs. It showed that he had his own struggles just like we all have. We assume that famous people are some kind of gods with perfect lives but it isn’t true a all.

I didn’t know I could go through grief so hard when I don’t know Avicii. I’ve never met him. I’m a fan but I’m not his family or friends. Now,  I know that it isn’t crazy to grief about a celebrity. Your grief count. Your feelings are valid. I went to his concert in Amsterdam on the 22 of February of 2014. It was just so amazing. I could feel all the energy and good vibes. I’m sure I can find the videos and pictures on my computer but they are in The Netherlands. I will forever cherish this beautiful moment. I’m so glad I went to this concert. It was €70 I think but it was definitely so worth it. Now, we can’t go to his concert anymore. It’s really sad. I read some news that he had almost finished a new album. I hope somebody will release this album to enjoy the new music of Avicii.

It’s sad that we can’t enjoy any concerts of him anymore. He stopped touring in 2016 because of his health problems. Now, he died…. At least, we have the legacy of all his music and we can always play it. I hope he’s in paradise now. We will never ever forget him. His music will make our tears dry and make us happy. Good vibes only! πŸŽΆπŸ’• Music is life! πŸŽ€β€πŸ™

Thank you all for reading this blog post. I’ll speak to you all soon!

Much love πŸ’•,

xoxo Christina

R.I.P. Legend DJ Avicii πŸ’”πŸŽΆπŸ˜’

Hey lovely bloggers πŸ’•,

I wanted to write about why I love Spring so much and show some beautiful pictures from Spring time here in Spain. I heard some shocking news so I decided to write this blog post first. On Friday the world famous Avicii died. I made this collage for him. I had to write this for Avicii. I was just checking my phone after drinking a delicious milkshake with my friends in the afternoon. I left my friends and I already felt a bit anxious and emotional these days. I always feel that way before my period. I checked Instagram and saw a post of Wiwibloggs which is the word’s most read independent Eurovision site. There I read the bad news about the death of Avicii. I just couldn’t believe it. I spend the 10 minutes walking to home crying.

31117403_10209341840142740_3354495137509015552_n.jpg

I read the news at home on a Dutch new website and on Spanish television. I’m still in shock. Avicii also known as Tim Bergling died today with only 28 years old. Avicii is a famous Swedish DJ. I still can’t believe it or is it because I just don’t want to accept this hard truth… πŸ˜’πŸ’” I’m a huge  fan of him. They still don’t know why he died. He took a break from being a DJ since 2016 and had pancreatitis from drinking too much alcohol and had a lot of stress and other problems. He also suffered from mental and physical problems and had a lot of anxiety in his life. Most people think that famous people live a perfect life but they also suffer from these problems. Life is never perfect and it doesn’t matter if we are famous or not. We are all going through own battles. Even if you don’t see someone else’s their struggles doesn’t mean they aren’t true.

I just really don’t like that always these kind of stories happen in the music and famous world. It’s really sad. I wish people would care more about each other and help each other more. Maybe, that would save a life…. πŸ’” You never know. I always wanted to be a singer and be famous but now I know that that world isn’t made for me. I love singing but I love to do it for fun and as a passion and hobby. Being famous is really hard and people only just see the good things such as travelling the world, earning much money, etc. I’m just really heartbroken that legends like Avicii, David Bowie, Michael Jackson, Amy Winehouse and so many more die because of drugs, alcochol, suicide…. Why does these legends have to die so young? I wish they could help this people more. Everyone needs love and support.

Avicii is one of my favourite DJ’s ever 😍 He will always be that for me πŸ’• I grew up with all his beautiful songs. I love house music so much. I went to the concert of Avicii in Amsterdam Ziggo Dome on the 22 of February in 2014. It was one of the best concerts I ever went to and which I will never ever forget. I love all his music so much. I’m going to watch the documentary True Stories too. It describes the ups and downs of Avicii and tells his problems about his health and why he stopped his tour in 2016 because of health problems. I think it will capture perfectly the life of Avicii. You can see that not everything in his life was amazing. The music world has definitely a dark side which people often do not notice.

I also remember the time I went on exchange to LogroΓ±o in Spain which was a few years ago. I danced these 5 months all the time on “Wake Me Up”. My favourites songs from Avici are “Wake Me Up”, “The Nights” with the beautiful quote you can find on my collage, “Gonna Love Ya”, “Hey Brother” and so many more.

Here are some of my favourite songs:

Tim Berg – Seek Bromance

This was the song I listened so many times with my ex boyfriend. He was such a huge fan of Avicii and this was one of his favourite songs.


Avicii – Levels

This song is just so good! It’s also one of his most famous songs. The music is so good and I danced so much on this song! I love it and it makes me so damn happy β€


Avicii – Wake Me Up

Wake Me Up is definitely one of my favourite songs of Avicii ever. I heard this song so much during my exchange time in Spain. I danced a lot on this song. I always feel so alive when I hear this song. This song and lyrics just describes my life so perfectly. I always want to travel the world and feel free. This song makes me realize that I can achieve any dream and that even though life may be hard, it’s worth it. Love is the most important thing in life.

Feeling my way through the darkness
Guided by a beating heart

So wake me up when it’s all over
When I’m wiser and I’m older
All this time I was finding myself, and I
Didn’t know I was lost

I tried carrying the weight of the world
But I only have two hands
Hope I get the chance to travel the world
But I don’t have any plans
Wish that I could stay forever this young
Not afraid to close my eyes
Life’s a game made for everyone
And love is a prize

 

Avicii – Hey Brother 

I also danced on this song so much! I love this song, well basically I love all his songs, right πŸ˜„


Avicii – Gonna Love Ya 

 

This is one of my favourite songs of Avicii too. The mix, the music, all the sound and lyrics is just so good. It makes me so happy. Also the lyrics reminds me of deserving that real love. I deserve to be treaten well.

I’m gonna love ya
Like no one could
Make your heart feel the way it should
I’m gonna hold ya
When no one would
‘Cause I swear you deserve some good


Avicii – The Nights

Damn this song…. This is one song which I often have on repeat and heard so much when I go paryting with my friends πŸ’ƒ I’m so in love with this beautiful song. The video is beautiful and make me wanna go travel the world and leave everything behind me. This song just makes so much sense now….. It’s really sad he died so young but he definitely lived a life worth remembering. I just love this sentence so much. We will die one day but we have to live a life we will remember and enjoy all the good things in life.

He said, “One day you’ll leave this world behind
So live a life you will remember.”
My father told me when I was just a child
These are the nights that never die

I love you so much Avicii πŸ’• I’m so sad right now and I can’t stop crying. I will dry my tears by listening to your music tonight. Your music guide me though the light and dark in life. Your songs inspired, made us all so happy and spread only good vibes. The lyrics is just so good from all those songs. Avicii will continue to inspire us, make us happy and spread good vibes. His music will be there for us in good and bad times. You are a legend. You will forever be missed. We all are going to miss you so much but your music will forever be played 🎢❀️ You will live in our hearts and memories.

Avicii

355992-admin - kopie

Much love πŸ’œ,

xoxo Christina