I faced my anxiety again and got my second wisdom tooth extraction! πŸ’ͺπŸ¦·πŸ‘Š

Hola lovelies πŸ’•,

On the 24th of August I faced my dentist anxiety again. By then I still had to get rid of three wisdom teeth. Now only two 🦷🦷 lol it sounds less which makes me feel a bit more calm and happier. Yeahhhh I say byebye again to one wisdom tooth! πŸ˜‚. In this blog post I will tell you about my experience. I always love to talk about the things I fear on my blog and also related to anxiety because I know I’m not the only one facing these fears. It makes me feel less alone and writing release some anxiety which always good. Writing means healing and letting go.

So, the night before I was SO anxious again 😭. People say that the more you do something, the less scared you are. It ain’t no true when you suffer from a mental illness like anxiety. I still feel anxious even if I do something a million times like flying or going to the dentist. My heart was beating fast the night before and the day itself which was Monday. My appointment was late in the afternoon. I felt nauseous too. I always don’t eat much when I do something which scares me because otherwise I have to tendency to vomit because of anxiety. It always makes me feel ashamed to admit that but it doesn’t matter because everyone has something. There’s no person in this world who is never anxious. I just feel it a million times more which makes it so hard. The last time I went for a wisdom tooth extraction was in January. This time I could except more what would happen which maybe made me feel a bit more grounded. I also went swimming a lot the days before and did some meditation but I still felt so anxious.

I deciced together with my dentist that the best thing is to do it one by one. People said to me why don’t you just get rid of the four in one time. That treatment would be longer, I would have more pain and even more anxiety. Here in Spain they do it one by one, much better. Besides, I have to do what makes me feel good and not what other people except me to do. As I suffer from anxiety, I prefer to do things in parts. If you are anxious about something like going to the dentist or studying for an exam, a good way to release some anxiety is to break that daunting task into little parts. This way your brain will take it better. For me it works. I get really overwhelmed when I have to do something scary all at once.

The thing which makes me keep going to the dentist even though I’m scared is trust. I trust this dentist and his team. I trust them with all my heart πŸ’–πŸ™. I’m always afraid of people hurting me because of being bullied in the past. It makes me trust people less. Here I feel safe and respected. If I’m anxious, so be it. If I cry then that’s okay too. Trusting in people whether those are professionals, your friends or family is so important. We all need this in life. It gives us a sense of safety. I had to wait at the dental clinic with my mother for more than a half hour because there were more people. I drank some water and prefered to wait there then go outside. I was the last one because they close at 8.30/9.00 PM. Fernando (the dentist) came and I was like bybye I will go run away 🀣. He found that funny. I love it how you can call them their first names and they do the same with me. It makes it all less scary and more familiar.

So, I lay down and said how I would prefer to be on a beach right now. He laughed. I really find it funny how dentists talk with their patients while they are doing stuff in their mouth it’s like halooooo how can I talk normally?! I know they do it to ease the tension and be less anxious. Just when he was putting the local anesthesia in my mouth he asked me if I was working or studying. I said no. I said that I spent my time crying and having anxiety in life. It’s not totally true but I said that I’m also writing for some poetry competitions. Unfortunately I didn’t win any of them. Then he said oh you can have a blog. I said that I have one. I said: “I wrote about you haha”. Fernando: “I hope it was something positive.” I said: “No haha πŸ˜‚.” He looked at me like big eyes πŸ‘€. I was like no of course something positive! πŸ’ž He was happy to hear that. End well haha. It’s so nice to talk to him because it feels like I’m talking to a friend instead of a doctor.

This time I felt the needle πŸ’‰ of the local anesthesia even less. I got again the squeeze shark haha 🦈. I have it in my hands and can squeeze it. It helps for people who are anxious. Fidget toys help too. Fernando is even specialised in people who have anxiety because he definitely makes me feel so at peace. He said breath in slowly, breath out slowly and it worked. Then my mouth was numb and he could take my teeth out. It took a bit more time to get this teeth out but eventually it went well. All the time he asked if I had pain and I said no. I just felt some pressure. Then I heard click and that moment was the one he took my teeth out. There wasn’t even much blood. This time I saved the teeth. It’s now at home haha I will keep it for the tooth fairy lol. I wish I were that young again. I don’t know what he does but he is amazing. Best dentist evah. I really love them so much 😍😭.

He prescribed me again antibiotics, probiotics and ibuprofen for the pain. We had a lovely chat afterwards. He said that maybe I could have low blood pressure if sometimes I’m dizzy and anxious. He wanted to go to Mallorca but this year he won’t go on holidays because of the pandemic. I told him he is very tan haha. He is just really handsome. We got a free toothpasta. He said he don’t watch so much news which is much better. Then he told us a horrible story. Fernando said a man from 82 years old died by suicide this year because he was done with reading only negative news πŸ˜”πŸ˜’. It really hit him because he was a patient of him. It happened in front of the dental clinic. It’s really horrible to know that so many people are suffering now from mental health illnesses and nobody is doing saying anything about it. This pandemic is hitting us all hard economically, health wise too and mentally. I stopped reading and watching the news these last months because I couldn’t cope with it too. I get into a negative and anxious spiral which is difficult to get out of. I just want to know some stuff regarding travelling because we are always between Spain and The Netherlands but that’s it. I know me, my mother and my friends follow the safety measures which are washing our hands, wearing a mask and do social distance. I can’t control others so that’s it. It makes me so sad that this man didn’t had any support and felt so low to end his life. My heart is with him.

After this talk Fernando said don’t forget to have the gauze 20 minutes. I said yes but uhhh it was 30 minutes, right?! He said 10 minutes has passed now haha talking. We both laughed lol I really these chats so much. Everything goes so smoothly and so chill. It feels like I’m chilling with a friend. I have felt so much emotions these days. I was feeling low and high on energy. After having so much anxiety I felt relief and I felt again the feeling of letting something go. I may loose all my wisdom teeth but at the end I gain wisdom from this experience. I felt also very tired these days, maybe it’s because of the meds. The first night I couldn’t sleep on the side I always sleep so it frustated me. I had pain for a few days and now I feel almost like normal again. I ate solid food, some soft bread, gazpacho which is a delicious cold Spanish soup, tortilla de patata, pasta and veggie pures. It was all so delicious. I miss pizza πŸ•πŸ˜‹ though haha.

On Wednesday I went again for a check up at the dentist I had this white dress on and make up. I love to look good for myself. Then I was sitting on the chair and he said that I looked very good (EstΓ‘s muy guapa). And then without thinking I said haha for you πŸ˜‚. This is me being direct always 🀭. Fernando found it funny lol. He also said that the lower wisdom teeth removal will hurt a bit more but nothing like a brave woman like me won’t be able to tolerate. I felt completely flattered. If more men would be like him, this world would definitely be a better place. Of course, I love to look well for me. I will never ever again change myself for anyone. In the past I’ve done that which means wearing high heels for my ex but I really hated it. He said it made me have more self confidence. Wrong!!!! I did that for him. He said all girls wear high heels. I let the wild woman roar 🐺, the more authentic and honest I’m with myself. Not everyone likes that but that doesn’t matter. This is me. I’m my beautiful self which is the best way I can be. I’m a wild woman, watch me rise up πŸ”₯

The thing is that sometimes I feel like I’m in love with this dentist 😍πŸ₯°. Maybe it’s just me being cray cray haha. I think this feeling is normal when doctors take such good care of you, respect you and know how to care about your mental health too. I come from a traumatic experience in The Netherlands where a dentist said I’m childish and 15 years old. Now, I have a totally different experience which makes me feel in awe with the world. There are so many good people out there who wants best for you. Someone who gets me when I’m anxious deserves it all. I really need it. I don’t know if these feelings are mutual lol in love what?! I guess he just knows how to be there for me and make me feel less anxious. I hope that the next two times I have to go will go also well even though I still will be anxious. That will not change because I’m an anxious person but of course it’s not part of my personality. It will never be. I’m a loving, sensitive and caring person who suffers from anxiety. That’s the difference. We are all in this together. We are never alone in our struggles. I’m always here for you all πŸ™.

Thank you all for reading this blog post. I hope you liked it. Did you also had to have a wisdom teeth extraction? Was it painful? What do you think of the things my dentist said to me? Is it love haha? Let me know lovelies. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

Much love πŸ’ž,

xoxo Christina

Reflection on 2018 & happy new year to you all! πŸŽ‰βœ¨πŸ’•πŸ’«

Hey lovelies πŸ’•,

Happy new year to you all! βœ¨πŸŽ‰ In this post I will talk about my 2018 and will show you how I celebrated New Year’s Eve. I’m glad I don’t have a cold amymore but just tonight I got my period so yeah that also sucks 😭 I’m glad I take medication for the cramps because otherwise I wouldn’t survive it. Besides, I’m also being anxious about my appointment of getting one of my wisdom teeth pulled out this week. I keep postponing the appointment. I know I have to do it but I’m so scared. H e l p. I also don’t want to do it in Holland. Here in Spain it’s much cheaper and the dentist understands my anxiety but I’m still so afraid and I just feel like I can’t cope. If anyone have some more tips to survive it I will be forever grateful πŸ™πŸ’• I can always take medication for anxiety if that’s enough to help me cope with it.

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We are already in 2019. A year has flown by. As usually I want to reflect on my year with this post and also write some important things for you all. Every year has its ups and downs. Every year consists of good things and bad things which happen to us. The most important thing is how we react to all these things. I know how hard it’s to stay positive in this sometimes dark world. I just keep believing that there are so many good things in the world and that there are indeed so many good people. You just have to find your tribe. I’m so glad I did.

I’m so happy with my blogging community, mental health community, Yoga Girl community and the goddess revolution community. I’m thankful that I joined these communities this year. They made me feel less alone and so much happier. If I’m in Holland I will maybe go to a meet up with some yoga girls. I also really wish that we will continue to all be friends and hopefully one day we will all meet ✨ I know the universe brought us all together for a reason which is to be connected with awesome people, share our struggles and feel supported.

I learned a lot this year. I learn every day from this world. This year I realized that there are truly lovely people who care about you and want you to be happy. I learned that it’s better to have a few good friends than a million of fake friends. The ones who love you will always be there for you no matter what. I learned that true love exists when I saw my brother getting married in August in Spain. I learned that this life is an adventure. Sometimes we win and sometimes we loose. We learn from every experience. I also learned that it’s okay if I’m not where I want to be in life. I still have a long way to go. I will find a career I love and will keep growing. It all takes time, pacience and trust in myself. I have to love myself, believe in myself and know that I can make my dreams come true such as working and living in Spain ✨

I also went to my first feminist strike in Valladolid, in Spain on International Women’s Day on the 8th of March with my mother. This was such an empowerful event. I never went to a demonstration before. I really wish 2019 will be the year that less women will be suffering from violence. I wish that women and men have the same human rights. Together we are starting a revolution. This is just the beginning. 2019 will be the year where women can be themselves, love themselves and love each other πŸ’•

This year I also learned that music is the best thing in life 🎢 I would be lost without music. I went to so many amazing concerts such as the OperaciΓ³n Triunfo 2017 concert in Madrid with my friend Maria πŸ’• OperaciΓ³n Triunfo makes me so happy and full of life. I also enjoyed the concert of Pablo Alboran, Chenoa, Hombres G and Celtas Cortos with my mother in Valladolid. I also enjoyed so much the concert of Sofia Ellar with my friend Maria. I can’t wait to see her again. It was so lovely to meet Sofia and get a picture with her. She’s the best and I can’t wait to see her singing again 😍

This year I began to read again a lot which I loved to do so much when I was younger. I will continue reading this new year. I also kept writing and being creative. I hope to create more amazing content on this blog. Writing is amazing. I travelled to Madrid, Granada, Santander and Somo. I discovered Somo which is a beautiful surfing village in the north of Spain. In 2019 I really want to go to a surf camp again πŸ„β€β™€οΈπŸŒŠπŸŒž. I didn’t go surfing for more than two years. I miss it so much. It’s also so good for my mental health. The sea is my home and cleans my soul. The beach is my favourite place on this earth. I can’t wait to travel to more amazing places and meet more amazing people.

Somo, Santander (September 2018)

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Granada, Andalucia (July 2018)

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La RΓ‘bita, Mediterranean Sea, Granada (July 2018)

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Madrid (March 2018)

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Maybe for some of you this year was a hard year. Maybe some of you have lost someone close to you. Maybe you just didn’t felt okay and were struggling. I’m here for you. It’s okay to grief. It’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay to feel sad. Feelings change and emotions change but it all takes time. Try to not be hard on yourself next year. Remember, I’ll will always be there for you πŸ’• I hope you will invest in self love and self care this new year because that’s the most important thing that matters. I also encourage you all to surround yourself with people who love you and who bring you only good vibes because you deserve that ✨.

I celebrated my New Year’s Eve in Valladolid, in Spain. I decided to not go out with my friends. I also didn’t go out last year. I used to party every year but I don’t feel in the mood anymore. I have to do what feels good to me. I went to the hairdressers in the afternoon to cut the dead ends, my bangs and they made curls in my hair. I love to look good for myself. I dressed up at home and did my make up. My mother and I went to the house of the mother of the wife of my brother. We celebrated all together New Year’s Eve: Rafael, my mother, VΓ©ronica, VΓ©ronica’s mother and her brother. We enjoyed eating delicious Spanish food.

We ate cheese, jamon serrano, chorizo, bread and chicken. I didn’t eat the fish because I don’t like fish so much haha πŸ˜‚ At 12 o’clock we watched the television and ate the 12 grapes. We also had champagne πŸ₯‚. It’s a tradition in Spain to eat the 12 grapes. They say it brings luck. We watched television where we were hearing beautiful music and we played Spanish card games. I really loved it so much. I love playing games with my family. At 3.30 am my mother and I went home and we stayed in watching some television. We went to bed at 6 am pretty late but doesn’t matter because it’s a special night. I’m glad I didn’t go out because as soon as we were home I got my period haha. On New Year’s Day we just stayed in and chilled. I saw the movie Grease. I just love that movie & the music so much 😍 I also saw the movie Paper Towns which I love so much from John Green. I already saw this movie with my best friend one day and loved it.

l wish you all an amazing new year full of love, happiness and luck πŸ€βœ¨βœŒοΈ Stay strong & stay safe. We are all in this together πŸ’ͺ I love you all so so so much ❀️. Thank you all for reading. How was your New Year’s Eve? Did you stay at home or did you went to a party? Which are your goals or dreams to achieve in 2019? I would love to know. I will speak to you all soon in my next blog post.

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Much love πŸ’•,

xoxo Christina

10 tips on how to face your fears & overcoming my dentist fear

Hey lovelies πŸ’•,

I’m back from my trip to Somo, Santander last Tuesday. I just went three days. I will soon share a blog post about this trip and a photo diary. Today I want to share something I really need to write about which is about how to face your fears. It’s just going to be some personal tips. Maybe they will not all be helpful for everyone. Feel free to add a tip in the comment section. I’m also sharing how I’m going to overcome my dentist fear. Facing a fear is a topic which I struggle a lot with because of suffering from anxiety. I know everyone gets nervous or can be scared of something. People suffering from a mental illness can experience it so bad that they feel physical and emotional symptoms. I always feel extremely anxious when I do something I’m afraid of.

When I get high anxiety, I can feel very emotional, cry a lot, feel like I’m dying, feeling nauseous, dizzy, hiperventilation and feel a racing heart beat and so many more symptoms. It’s really the worst. I know we all get scared but when you suffering from an anxiety disorder a fear can become a real obstacle in life. Maybe, you all know about the fight, freeze or flight response. When you are in a situation you fear you can either fight and go for it and overcome it. You can also do nothing and just freeze. You can also flight which is the one I always do. I’m way too good at escaping everything I fear in life. I will cover myself in blankets in bed and will think what a peaceful and lovely world. The world is full of danger but in my world and my bed I’m safe and sound. I know it isn’t a great way.

It’s so important to overcome our fears. When we overcome our fears we grow as a person. I have let fears consume my life and because I run away from them they only became bigger which is worse for my anxiety. It becomes a much more struggle when we run away from everything we fear then when we face it. I know it’s easier said than done. I still have to practice and learn a lot. Now, I’m going to share 10 tips on how I think you can overcome a fear.

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1. Journal about your fear

It doesn’t matter which fear you have. Are you scared of snakes, flying, public speaking, hospitals or anything else? I find it great to write about my fear like I do on my blog or in my journal. Whenever you write about your fear it feels like you can let it a bit go. Write down why you are afraid and some experiences in the past with this fear. Analysing a fear is important as you can come to a conclusion why you have this fear. For example, I fear public speaking not because I don’t like to talk to people. I fear public speaking because I don’t like to be in the middle of attention and I don’t like it because I’m afraid to make a fool out of myself. I’m afraid to fail and embarrass myself in front of all people.

2. Take little steps to overcome your fear

If you fear something it’s important to face a fear with baby steps. If you are afraid of travelling on your own then I think it’s not a good idea to go and travel the whole world on your own at once. You can for example take little trips in your country and then for example in your continent and then when you are ready you will be able to overcome your fear and can travel the world. Taking little steps will give you the courage to overcome your fear. It helps me a lot to not feel overwhelmed about a big fear.

3. Feel your feelings and accept them

If you feel anxious or scared feel it and admit that you are anxious. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. You have the right to feel this way. If you are hiding and bottlling up your emotions, one day you will break down because it will be too much for you. Accept that you are afraid to do something. Even when you feel like a fear can consume you, you have to know that you have the power and control over it. You can control your fears.

4. Believe in yourself

It’s important when you are going to overcome a fear to believe in yourself. If you are constantly saying negative things about yourself you will only feel worse. Say to yourself I can do this. I can overcome this fear even though I’m anxious. I’m a warrior πŸ’ͺπŸ€ How many times did I think I couldn’t do something and at the end I could do it because I felt strong enough to face my fears. We all have that strength in us.

5. Think of all the positive things you’ve achieved in your life

To think back of all your victories in life is a great way to feel positive about facing your fear. You have done something scary before and you could do it. The feeling of achieving something you felt scared of is just so great. It’s a great emotion and can make you feel stronger to constantly facing a fear in life whether it’s a big or a little fear.

6. Get help and support from your friends and family

I love to know that I’ve a lovely family and some good friends who will always be there for me. It can really help to have a great tribe of people who encourage you when you have to face a fear. Their support and encouragment can make a huge difference. I remember how scared I was to do my speech at the United Nations in NYC a few years ago. My family and good friends encouraged me and said that I could do it. I started to feel positive. Whenever I don’t believe in myself they will always believe in me. We are our worst enemies right. We have to be our inner best friends and tell us that we can do it.

7. Take action

I know so many times that I think of something I fear and I just don’t take action and only think about the fear. This will not solve anything at all. I remember so many times that I was for example afraid of doing an exam because I was afraid to fail. I ended up not doing the exam. Then, I learned for the exam and I made the exam and I passed. Taking action on facing a fear is so important. You can’t let the fear rule your life. Action builds courage and strength.

8. Know the difference between a rational and irrational fear

A great way to face a fear is analysing a fear and asking yourself questions. A rational fear is a real fear which can be a death or an illness. An irrational fear is a fear of something harmless or potentially dangerous, but whose probability of occuring is low or not possible. For example, if I know one of my family members has cancer and the doctor says he has a posibility to die then it’s a rational fear.

I have always had more irrational fears in my life. For example, whenever I’m flying I think the airplane will crash and get myself very anxious. Of course, it can happen but the facts show that flying is way more safer than riding a carΒ and that the possibility to die in a plain crash is really low. Airplane have the newest technology and there are 1000000 airplanes flying every second. It’s good to distinct your fears. Ask yourself if it’s worth to be fearful and if there’s a high chance that the thing you fear will come true or if your mind is playing tricks with you. Most of the things I was anxious about never happened.

9. If you can’t overcome a fear alone ask for a friend or family member to come with you

I always go to the doctors or dentist with my mother or father. I prefer to go with someone I trust and who can help me to overcome that fear. If I go alone I would feel even more anxious. You don’t have to do it your alone. It’s okay to ask for help. It’s also much easier to face your fear with someone then on your own.

10. Replace negative thoughts with positive thoughts

I know this one is easier said than done. I just believe so much in the law of attraction. Energy never lies and we attract the things we feel and think. I have had moments in my life that I thought every bad thing was happening to me. When I began to think more positive thoughts I could feel the good energy flowing into my life. I remember a time that I lost something and find it back. I remember when I helped a man find a hostel here in Valladolid and then he invited me for a free diner in a tapas restaurant. Negative thoughts will only make you more fearful. Positive thoughts will make you believe you can overcome your fear and you will πŸ’ͺπŸ’• We are all in this together.


As I’m done sharing my 10 tips of overcomig a fear I would like to share a little bit more about my dentist fear and how I’m going to overcome it. Last Wednesday was a very emotional and nerve-wracking day. I had an appointment with the dentist here in Valladolid. I have problems with my wisdom teeth as you already know. I knew I had to go to the dentist to ask a second opinion here in Spain. After two years of postponing it I went to check it. I went with my mother. They made a picture of my teeth. One woman at the reception asked me to sign a paper and she asked if I take medication. I was silence and then told her I take antidepressants and that I have anxiety. I still find it hard to open up about my mental health illness even to doctors. I don’t want that they think I’m crazy. Then I had to wait for a while and finally it was time to enter the scary room of the dentist haha πŸ˜‚πŸ˜¨

The first thing I did when I sat down on the dentist chair was crying. I cried so much. I felt ashamed to be so anxious and that I had to cry. He said: “it’s okay you can cry.”Β I was thinking like what?! I can be sensitive and cry hell yes πŸ‘Š. He said: “I also cry.” I find that really amazing that he said that because there are so many men who say they never cry and appear strong. We all cry. We are all human. He checked my teeth and said I had caries in the four wisdom teeth. They all need to be pulled out. This scared me a lot. He told me I don’t have to worry because I will not feel any pain. He will give me medication and antibiotics. He even said if I wanted to do it today or tomorrow lol I was like no way. The assistant came and said yes you can do it tomorrow. The he said don’t pressure her, you can decide it. I have never felt so understood and comfortable at the dentist. Besides, he is so handsome omggg 😍

I made an appointment to get one pulled out one monday. I hope I’m not going to cancel the appointment because of way too much fear. I’m still scared as hell. I tell myself it’s going to be okay. He said it will only take 15 minutes. I told him too about having anxiety in life and searching for a job. He said that I’ve to accept that your dream job doesn’t come at once. Everything takes time. I have to face my fears which is just so true. I have to stop running away from everything I fear. I can do this πŸ™ I will take an anti anxiety medication on Monday and the night before. The other 3 wisdom teeth will be pulled out when I’m back in Spain. Just one at a time. That’s the best for me. I’m a warrior πŸ’ͺπŸ’ͺ

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Thank you all for reading. I hope you learned a lot about these 10 tips in facing a fear. I hope you can you use them too in your daily lives. We are all fighters πŸ’ͺ We can go through it all together. Can you relate to these tips? How would you face a fear? Do you also have dentist anxiety and how are you overcoming this fear? Did you ever get a tooth pulled out?Β Let me know in the comments your thoughts and experience.

Much love πŸ’•,

xoxo Christina