Right in this moment all is well

Hola lovelies πŸ’•,

Today I want to talk about what I have expierencing these last days together with some realizations I have got. It’s about sharing my deepest thoughts and feelings with you as I have always done and always will do until the day I die. I hope this post will not turn into a depressive post but just so you know it before I begin to talk.

Last Friday I began to read the book of Yoga Girl called “To love and let go”. I will not tell you a lot about it because I really want to do one post about it when I have finished it. It just deserves a post on its own. It’s the most spiritual, healing and just best book I haver ever read πŸ’—βœ¨. It feels like my Bible πŸ“–. I’m at page 74 and it has more than 300 pages so I’m happy there is still so much more to read. I have always said that The fault in our stars is my favourite book but this book is a memoir, based on a real life story and I feel like this is my next favourite book. Yoga Girl also called Rachel Brathen is an international yoga teacher with her own yoga studio called Island Yoga in Aruba. She lives there with her hushband and daughter. Her story is about loss, love and gratitude. She lost her best friend in a car accident and right in that moment she had to go through surgery for her appendix in Bonaire. It’s a heart breaking story πŸ’”πŸ˜’.

Every chapter is amazing, just so beautiful, just out of the world 😍. In one chapter she is writing about how in this exact moment all is well and that anxiety and fear dissapears when we think of the present. There’s this book called “The power of now” which also talks about this. I want to read it one day. I think about this a lot as I have been sleeping so bad these last nights. I thought maybe it’s because of reading this book as it’s so beautiful but also heavy. I think way too much and then get anxious of having so many thoughts in my mind 😒. I wish I could turn them all off and be like it’s enough now and stop it. Anxiety doesn’t work that way. It’s so hard to be present when your mind is constantly in war with you. I also think social media plays a role in this too so these last days I have been using it less. I like it but it also increase my anxiety and makes me feel bad about myself. Blogging and being in communities is so much better. I can’t deal with fake people anymore. I want real connections where I can talk about real life stuff such as deep conversations about death, the universe, our dreams and struggles. Social media feels so fake. I want to learn new things and get inspired instead of getting impressed of people with their fake happiness in life.

Also I think a lot about life and death lately. I have always thought about it and now I think even more about it. I already wrote about my fear of death in this post. I have always been afraid of death ☠️ but also of life because my whole life I live out of fear instead of love. That’s my problem. Sometimes I’m afraid to sleep because of not waking up the next morning. Then I get panic at night and keep waking up. I just fear that everything will stop one day, that everyone I love will die one day and that all of this will stop existing one day. It’s a scary thought 😒. I fear dying but what I fear most is just the thought of being death. I hope I’m not sounding strange but when I shared it in the community of Yoga Girl on Facebook I was happy that I wasn’t alone in this. There are more people afraid of this. It makes me feel good that I’m not the only one thinking about this.

I talk about this with some of my friends or my parents. My daddy said why would you worry about it when you are death because you wouldn’t know it and he also said that before we were born we were also not here. Life is strange. I agree with him but it just still feels strange. I’m just always thinking about the past which includes being bullied, having my heart broken and all the negative stuff and then when that’s done I began to worry and think about the future and so I’m constant in fear and anxiety anticipating the worst things in life. I know we all will die one day and that death is part of life. I just have to find a way in living a life where I can be happy and at peace with my mind. I hope that we can all find that one day as we deserve it ✨

That’s also the reason why I don’t know if I will ever try therapy because I don’t know if it would help me as I have to move on from the past. I know I have to let it all out but I also have to let it go and not dwell in the past which only increase my anxiety. I also want to take yoga lessons πŸ§˜β€β™€οΈ in a class one day. From reading this book I’m learning that right now all is well. I do meditation sometimes with Yoga Girl’s podcasts which is amazing. I’m getting better with it than before. Sometimes I cry while meditating as I’m releasing my emotions. Children are always living in the present moment. I’m thinking about when we as adults stopped doing that. When did that happen? It’s sad because then everything makes sense. It’s normal to feel anxious when we are constantly thinking about the past or future. If we would think more often of the present, right now, how would we feel? I definitely would feel more at peace and less anxious. All is well. That’s going to be my mantra from now on. I know it’s difficult because anxiety often gets in the way but at least I can try.

Today was a good day too because I slept well last night and it was great weather. The sun was even shining a bit 🌞. I got beautiful pen pal mail and Christmas presents from my friends in UK. Selena Gomez and Duncan Laurence released a new song which I loved 🎢. I still didn’t get my period which for one reason is good but I also don’t want to get it when I’m travelling to Spain next week. I had also fun meeting up with my best friend and had a delicious lunch together in Haarlem πŸ˜πŸ˜‹. We also went stationery shopping which is just the best. You will see what I bought in another post. I also saw her family later which I loved because they are basically my second family haha. Her father always says I’m his adopted daughter.

When I came back home I was walking to my home from the bus stop. I was listening to the birds and saw the Autumn leaves πŸ‚πŸπŸƒ on the street. I saw the beautiful green trees. I could smell the Fall. I felt some wind on my face and right in that moment, I felt part of this universe. All is well I thought. Everything is exactly the way it’s because it’s suppose to be this way. I will find my way in life. The universe will always have my back. I’m so blessed so blessed to be alive right now. Thank you life for all the good and bad. I have tears in my eyes right now while writing this. I mean it. I really do. This life is so fragile. We really have to be thankful for all of it πŸ™βœ¨πŸ’—

“If I could stay in the moment and just be, I’d always come back to the same conclusion: all is well. Every time my mind took control, I challenged myself to not get pulled into panic mode.”

– To love and let go by Rachel Brathen

Thank you all for reading this post. I hope you understand what I just shared with you all. Do you also live more in the future than in the present moment? How does it make you feel? Do you also think a lot about life and death? Let me know lovelies. I’m always here for you πŸ’–. I will speak to you all soon in my next blog post.

Much love πŸ’ž,

xoxo Christina

Duncan Laurence from The Netherlands won Eurovision Song Contest 2019 with the song Arcade!!! πŸ˜πŸ’•πŸŽ‰πŸŽΆπŸ‡³πŸ‡±πŸŽ™οΈ

OMGGGG HI LOVELIES πŸ’•,

I’m so excited. I just can’t hide it. I’m about to loose control and I think I like it hahah πŸ˜‚πŸŽΆ. I just needed to write this blog post because I feel so emotional and so excited since Saturday night. I felt it already these months when I heard the song Arcade. This blog post will about how I experienced one of the best nights in my life which I will never ever forget. I will write about the victory of The Netherlands winning Eurovision Song Contest 2019 after 44 years. I will also share more about who Duncan is as a person and artist.

I’m such a eurofan and I’ve always been. I love Eurovision Song Contest so much. It’s my favourite music event of the year. I’m always looking forward to it. I’m always most looking forward to the songs of The Netherlands and Spain. I also love to hear the songs of other countries. I’m into pop, indie, latin music, some house music, classic and choir music which I used to sing in my choir and I just love music so much. It makes me the happiest person on earth 🌎😍. Going to a concert and seeing your favourite artist live is just the best thing ever. Meeting them in person and talking with them is even better. Getting a picture with them is just the best too.

I get inspired by many artists and what I find the most important thing of an artist is that they are authentic, stay true to themselves and can be vulnerable. So, the first time I heard that Duncan Laurence was going to represent The Netherlands this year I was like who?! Who is that? Normally popular and famous artists of The Netherlands go to Eurovision. Last year Waylon went and in 2014 The Common Linnets went which were Ilse DeLange together with Waylon. They song a beautiful song which ended at the second place. The song was a lovely country song called “Calm after the storm.”

The Common Linnets – Calm after the storm (Eurovision Song Contest 2014)

So first in January they said that Duncan Laurence was going to represent The Netherlands. I saw some videos of him singing in The Voice of Holland on Youtube and was already impressed by his beautiful voice. He reached the semi-finals. He had as coach Ilse DeLange.

Duncan Laurence – Sing (The blind auditions of The Voice of Holland of 2014)

Then I also listened to the video below which is especially made as an assignment for the Rock Academy. After singing in the Voice of Holland he went to the Rock Pop Academy in Tilburg. He made his own version of the song “Stolen Dance” by Milky Chance. It’s one of my favourite songs and hearing it with Duncan’s voice gave me goosebumps and makes me cry every time 😭. His voice is so pure and so beautiful. I could listen all day and all night to it 😍🎢

Another video I found on Youtube of a song he wrote called “Come back Home”

He is such an amazing singer-songwriter. I’m really so impressed. He went through a hard time during his school years because he got bullied. He got bullied because of being different. He wore braces, had glasses and a different body size. He found his passion of music through this experience. He could be himself when he was making music at home and also in the Rock Pop Academy in Tilburg. Music was his safe place where he could be his self. He also told in some interviews how he was covered in his insecurities. He was afraid to be open and vulnerable.

Writing his song Arcade in The Rock Pop Academy in Tilburg

He also said that it is important to not build a wall. It reminds myself of my own experience with bullying. I build a wall and I still haven’t break it fully like it still influences me as a person when someone is rude to me. I think often when I hear a stranger laughing that it’s about me. I still have to break this wall just like Duncan did. The most beautiful words of him during an interview in Tel Aviv in Israel where these ones:

“Don’t build a wall. Don’t focus on the ones who don’t like you, stick to the ones who like you and love you and inpire you. I tried to change myself and focused too much on the ones who didn’t like me.”

I so agree with what he said because it’s just so true. Whenever I’m with my family or good friends I feel happy because they love me for who I’m and accept me. Those are the people who you need in life and not the toxic ones. Being bullied isn’t our fault. Most of the time the bullies are insecure themselves. I wrote about my experience of bullying in this blog post. He also said that with his music he wants to be the voice for those who have a soul which is damaged by others. He is going to tell their stories and let us see that we aren’t alone. He such a bubbly, beautiful and humble pereson that I tear up 😍😭

Ilse DeLange was his coach in The Voice of Holland and always had contact with Duncan after he participated in this talentshow. Two years ago he was writing the song “Arcade”. He put that song together with other songs in a Dropbox file. Ilse heard this song and was impressed. A few months ago before Eurovision began she called him on a Sunday morning and asked him if he wanted to represent The Netherlands this year. The whole delegation of The Netherlands was impressed by this song. Of course he said YEAHHHH and then the adventure began. I don’t want to repeat myself because I already told a lot about this song in other posts like in this post. There I sang my own cover of Arcade 🎢.

β€œβ€˜Arcade’ is about a lost love. And hoping for that love to return. But it doesn’t. All the emotion, rawness, bitterness, angriness or happiness or hope that comes within that. That’s what I tried to capture in β€˜Arcade’. It is indeed a story about myself, about a love that I once lost when I was younger.”

Duncan lost someone very special in his life. This woman only turned 40 years old. She was hoping that her love came back but he didn’t. She stayed in love with her loved one until she died. Duncan wrote this song about that story. The song, lyrics, melody everything describes these real feelings and emotions. It’s so honest and vulnerable just WOW. He is naked in the clip and you can see his butt haha which is very beautiful indeed.

Duncan Laurence – Arcade (Official Music Video for Eurovision Song Contest 2019 in Israel)

β€œWe tried to capture the vulnerability of a human being. The most vulnerable you can be is naked. Being completely nude leaves you all vulnerable in that massive water world, with the surface representing the hope and everything you long for. The struggle, the fight that comes with it to get there. That is what we try to capture.”

Since I listened to this I have had winner vibes. I knew this song could win because it’s the best song I’ve heard. I get so emotional and have goosebumps all the time I listen to this song. I’m even thinking now to get a tattoo with something of the lyrics of this song. My favourite sentence is: “Loving you is a loosing game.” I’m afraid of needles so don’t know if I will get a tattoo but this just sticks in my head. Since he released his song he was number one in the bookmakers and that didn’t change.

I watched everything from Eurovision such as all his interviews which were so nice to see. I watched the first semi-final of Eurovision last week even though he didn’t had to sing. He was singing in the second femi-final which was last thursday on the 16th of May. It was incredible and I had to cry so much. My father only watched that song with me because he doesn’t like Eurovision. I always watch it with my mother. Of course he passed through the finals which was last Saturday the 18th of May. I was so happy when they said The Netherlands as second name to pass. Normally they say it almost at the end.

Duncan performing his song Arcade during the second semi-final of Eurovision Song Contest 2019
Singing Arcade during the second semi-final

He sings Arcade every time so beautiful and every time it’s different. I like that so much because you can feel the emotion. He really feels it at that moment and sings it from his heart. During the final he had to sing at the 12th place and it was even better and more beautiful than in the semi-finals. It’s just incredible how good and beautiful he sings. I feel his emotion all the time when he sings it πŸ’•. We all feel it. We can all relate to this story.

THE FINAL PERFORMANCE!!!!
The Netherlands – Live performance of Arcade from Duncan Laurence

I was so nervous and anxious this whole week too and couldn’t sleep well. It even felt like I had to sing hahah instead of Duncan who always stayed calm. I was just so excited of thinking that he could win πŸ˜‚. During the jury votes I was getting so nervous. I was happy when we got 12 points from Portugal, Sweden, France, Israel, Lithuania and Latvia. Thank you so much! Sweden won the jury votes but everyting could change during the televotes. They begin with the last country and told every country how much televotes it got. The Netherlands got 261 which made them first. I was already so excited but there was only one country left to tell them their points which was Sweden. If they got more points than The Netherlands they would have won. Duncan was so nervous and me too. We all were. At the end they said 93 points for Sweden.

THE NETHERLANDS WON YEAHHH!!!

I began to scream and cry so hard. This was definitely one of the best nights in my life. I couldn’t sleep well that night. I had also stomach cramps but I already have them these months so it’s not only because of Eurovision I guess. My father was sleeping so I didn’t scream that hard hahah πŸ˜‚. He doesn’t understand all my emotion and happiness around it. It’s just incredible that an unkown artist won with such a beautiful song. I’m also a highly sensitive person so everything makes me feel so much. I feel every emotion deep. My country, The Netherlands won after 44 years! πŸ˜πŸ‡³πŸ‡±πŸŽΆπŸŽ‰πŸŽ™οΈ I still can’t believe we are going to organise Eurovision next year. My dream is seeing it live so I hope I can get tickets. My dream was also to see The Netherlands or Spain win so I’m so happy and so proud! πŸ’ͺ

His winner’s performance was so emotional too. Hearing the crowd singing the song is just the best feeling ever. He also was looking up to the sky because he sings this song to the one he lost.

Duncan wrote history. Everyone knows him now. His song is number one in many iTunes charts. I will never get tired of this beautiful song or of him. I love him so much πŸ’—. I’m so grateful to have a new artist in my life who I admire so much. He is already writing more songs so I can’t wait to hear them. I also would love to see him live. All his concerts are sold out now. His voice makes me crack my soul open and make me feel so many feelings. I have to admit that this song also reminds me of my break up with my first love πŸ’” I kept hoping after I lost him that he would come back but until today he didn’t. Maybe that’s why I get so emotional with this song. I can still feel how my heart broke but I also feel the hope in this song. There will be new people to love and experiences to live.

Duncan kissing the trophy of Eurovision. He really deserved to win!
“This is for dreaming big, this is to music first, always!” – Duncan Laurence

Thank you Duncan for being real and from growing from a wallflower to a beautiful artist who stand for things. He is bisexual and open about it. He told about his bullying experience. He is honest. He is vulnerable. I’m so thankful that you are real in this sometimes fake and dark world. Thank for coming in our lives. You give me hope in my life to reach my dreams 🌠✨. Thank you for making us happy and feel inspired. You are one of my fav artists now. I will never stop loving you 🎢. Loving you is a winning game! 😍✨ i love u forever cutieeee πŸ’—

In Tel Aviv, Israel. He such a cutie just look at him. I get so angry that kids bullied him because he is such a beatiful person inside & out.
Duncan singing live an acoustic version of Arcade on De Wereld Draait Door before he went to Israel

Life wouldn’t be the same without music. It makes us feel things, we feel less alone and it will never leave us. I will also keep singing as I love to sing. I don’t know if being famous is something for me but joining a choir again or having singing classes would be amazing. I would love to learn guitar or piano too one day. I miss that so much to be honest 😭. With singing I can release emotions and it makes me so happy 😍

Thank you all for reading this blog post. I hope you find this post as inspiring as I found it to write it. What do you think of the song Arcade and the story behind it? Did you watch Eurovision? Do you also tear up with beautiful songs? Let me know lovelies. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

Much love πŸ’•,

xoxo Christina

R.I.P. Legend DJ Avicii πŸ’”πŸŽΆπŸ˜’

Hey lovely bloggers πŸ’•,

I wanted to write about why I love Spring so much and show some beautiful pictures from Spring time here in Spain. I heard some shocking news so I decided to write this blog post first. On Friday the world famous Avicii died. I made this collage for him. I had to write this for Avicii. I was just checking my phone after drinking a delicious milkshake with my friends in the afternoon. I left my friends and I already felt a bit anxious and emotional these days. I always feel that way before my period. I checked Instagram and saw a post of Wiwibloggs which is the word’s most read independent Eurovision site. There I read the bad news about the death of Avicii. I just couldn’t believe it. I spend the 10 minutes walking to home crying.

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I read the news at home on a Dutch new website and on Spanish television. I’m still in shock. Avicii also known as Tim Bergling died today with only 28 years old. Avicii is a famous Swedish DJ. I still can’t believe it or is it because I just don’t want to accept this hard truth… πŸ˜’πŸ’” I’m a huge  fan of him. They still don’t know why he died. He took a break from being a DJ since 2016 and had pancreatitis from drinking too much alcohol and had a lot of stress and other problems. He also suffered from mental and physical problems and had a lot of anxiety in his life. Most people think that famous people live a perfect life but they also suffer from these problems. Life is never perfect and it doesn’t matter if we are famous or not. We are all going through own battles. Even if you don’t see someone else’s their struggles doesn’t mean they aren’t true.

I just really don’t like that always these kind of stories happen in the music and famous world. It’s really sad. I wish people would care more about each other and help each other more. Maybe, that would save a life…. πŸ’” You never know. I always wanted to be a singer and be famous but now I know that that world isn’t made for me. I love singing but I love to do it for fun and as a passion and hobby. Being famous is really hard and people only just see the good things such as travelling the world, earning much money, etc. I’m just really heartbroken that legends like Avicii, David Bowie, Michael Jackson, Amy Winehouse and so many more die because of drugs, alcochol, suicide…. Why does these legends have to die so young? I wish they could help this people more. Everyone needs love and support.

Avicii is one of my favourite DJ’s ever 😍 He will always be that for me πŸ’• I grew up with all his beautiful songs. I love house music so much. I went to the concert of Avicii in Amsterdam Ziggo Dome on the 22 of February in 2014. It was one of the best concerts I ever went to and which I will never ever forget. I love all his music so much. I’m going to watch the documentary True Stories too. It describes the ups and downs of Avicii and tells his problems about his health and why he stopped his tour in 2016 because of health problems. I think it will capture perfectly the life of Avicii. You can see that not everything in his life was amazing. The music world has definitely a dark side which people often do not notice.

I also remember the time I went on exchange to LogroΓ±o in Spain which was a few years ago. I danced these 5 months all the time on “Wake Me Up”. My favourites songs from Avici are “Wake Me Up”, “The Nights” with the beautiful quote you can find on my collage, “Gonna Love Ya”, “Hey Brother” and so many more.

Here are some of my favourite songs:

Tim Berg – Seek Bromance

This was the song I listened so many times with my ex boyfriend. He was such a huge fan of Avicii and this was one of his favourite songs.


Avicii – Levels

This song is just so good! It’s also one of his most famous songs. The music is so good and I danced so much on this song! I love it and it makes me so damn happy β€


Avicii – Wake Me Up

Wake Me Up is definitely one of my favourite songs of Avicii ever. I heard this song so much during my exchange time in Spain. I danced a lot on this song. I always feel so alive when I hear this song. This song and lyrics just describes my life so perfectly. I always want to travel the world and feel free. This song makes me realize that I can achieve any dream and that even though life may be hard, it’s worth it. Love is the most important thing in life.

Feeling my way through the darkness
Guided by a beating heart

So wake me up when it’s all over
When I’m wiser and I’m older
All this time I was finding myself, and I
Didn’t know I was lost

I tried carrying the weight of the world
But I only have two hands
Hope I get the chance to travel the world
But I don’t have any plans
Wish that I could stay forever this young
Not afraid to close my eyes
Life’s a game made for everyone
And love is a prize

 

Avicii – Hey Brother 

I also danced on this song so much! I love this song, well basically I love all his songs, right πŸ˜„


Avicii – Gonna Love Ya 

 

This is one of my favourite songs of Avicii too. The mix, the music, all the sound and lyrics is just so good. It makes me so happy. Also the lyrics reminds me of deserving that real love. I deserve to be treaten well.

I’m gonna love ya
Like no one could
Make your heart feel the way it should
I’m gonna hold ya
When no one would
‘Cause I swear you deserve some good


Avicii – The Nights

Damn this song…. This is one song which I often have on repeat and heard so much when I go paryting with my friends πŸ’ƒ I’m so in love with this beautiful song. The video is beautiful and make me wanna go travel the world and leave everything behind me. This song just makes so much sense now….. It’s really sad he died so young but he definitely lived a life worth remembering. I just love this sentence so much. We will die one day but we have to live a life we will remember and enjoy all the good things in life.

He said, “One day you’ll leave this world behind
So live a life you will remember.”
My father told me when I was just a child
These are the nights that never die

I love you so much Avicii πŸ’• I’m so sad right now and I can’t stop crying. I will dry my tears by listening to your music tonight. Your music guide me though the light and dark in life. Your songs inspired, made us all so happy and spread only good vibes. The lyrics is just so good from all those songs. Avicii will continue to inspire us, make us happy and spread good vibes. His music will be there for us in good and bad times. You are a legend. You will forever be missed. We all are going to miss you so much but your music will forever be played 🎢❀️ You will live in our hearts and memories.

Avicii

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Much love πŸ’œ,

xoxo Christina

Sometimes I really miss my childhood πŸ˜’πŸ’•πŸ‘ΈπŸŒˆπŸŒ 

Hey lovely bloggers πŸ’•,

I wanna talk in this blog post about how I miss my childhood sometimes. I think many bloggers can relate to this aswell, if of course you had a good childhood. Not everybody has that privilige especially kids in underdeveloped countries which I find so sad 😒. I remember one time that I made a box with toys and gave it to a church and they send it to those kids. They were so happy. They even wrote a card back to me. That just made my day! πŸ’•

This is little me, don’t know how old, maybe 5/6. I was dressing up as a beautiful princess haha πŸ‘‘πŸ‘Έ I always liked to play that. I would still do that for a theme party. It’s just so fun. I really like to dress up. I can’t wait to celebrate Halloween this Saturday with my friends here in Spain and dress up like a witch like I do ever year πŸ˜‚.

Sometimes I really do miss being this little. If I think of it I cry a bit. This was the time that I could be myself without a damn care in the world. This was the time that I could wake up at Christmas day and just be sooooo full of excitment. You know that feeling?! That’s just so beautiful. I still love Christmas so much but while having anxiety I find it sometimes stressing to be surrounded by all my family and get asked questions about what I’m doing with my life, career and all that stuff. I just don’t know what to say then. Back then nobody asked those questions. Life was just so simple. I really miss that. I could be happy with little things. As you grow older into an adult it all has to be big things such having a great job, a great partner and so on. Life is made about all those little things. 

This picture was made during Sinterklaas. I always made these crazy moves with my hand haha πŸ˜‚ This is a feast which we celebrate on the 5th of December. He brings presents to the kids. It’s so lovely that we all believed in this. We all believed in Sinterklaas, Santa Claus and The three kings when it wasn’t true. I was really shocked when I knew my parents were the ones who gave me presents. It was that time that I started not to believe the things people were telling me. I felt like everything was a lie. I was 8 years old. It’s just so magical to believe in all of this as a little child. 

That time I turned five years old. I love that the table is covered with images of beer hahaha xD. 

Everything was fun when I was little. I didn’t had periods pain. I played a lot and met great friends in primary school. I was really happy this time. It was at high school that I got bullied and things just changed. It was then that I knew the world wasn’t so colourful as I imagined. It was dark sometimes and sometimes really dark. I got a boyfriend when I was 17 and then at 19 he broke up with me and my whole life felt apart. I’m going to write about that love story in another blog post. It all felt apart in just in one second.

I miss this time where I could be innocent. I miss this time because I felt safe and loved in this wold. I didn’t knew anything yet about the dangers of the world. I just felt so happy and free like everything is fun and could smile and laugh the whole day. I miss this time because my heart was full of love and not broken. I miss this time because I wasn’t afraid of anything. I didn’t know the concept of fear in life. I was climbing on the trees and I didn’t think of falling out of the tree. That thought just didn’t came into my mind. If I would do that now, I would think of being careful and only do it if it will be 100% safe to do because I don’t wanna get hurt. When you are a child you just don’t think of all that stuff. 

What I really do miss is not being able to just not think about one second and not to worry all the time. Now I’m 24, and I worry so much. I guess I believed in too many fairytales. We all have so much to do in life and have to rush to do all those stuff. Adults seem to not be able to enjoy the present moment anymore and just sit still and do yoga and meditate. Those are such great tools to get that present moment and peaceful feeling back.

This picture was made during a holiday in Spain. I love the swing and still play on that sometimes. I just such a carefree feeling. 

This picture was also made in Spain in the Basque country. I was supporting these people hahaha πŸ˜‚

I have grown up with scars in my heart with being bullied in high school, having my heart broken and my father who almost died when I was 11 years old. This all caused me so much anxiety and sadness in life. After all, I’m thankful that this happened to me. It was all so hard but it shaped me. After my first love left me I couldn’t be happy and now after almost 5 years I’m able to be happy again. I now I won’t be this little innocent girl anymore but I have learnt from this all.

I learnt that life isn’t a fairytale but that it’s still so beautiful. We can make it beautiful. Its important to have deep and meaningful relationships with your family and friends. I learnt that we can add colour into our lives. I learnt that your family will always love you no matter how old you are. Your family will always be there for you πŸ’–

Those are my two older brothers. I love them till infinity and beyond. The middle: Rafael is 39 and the left one called Edward is 35. Edward is married and has a beautiful two years old daughter so yeahhh I’m already aunt! πŸ’•πŸ’–πŸ˜ Rafael has a Spanish girlfriend now for two years. 

I learnt that its normal to get nostalgic and sometimes wanna go back in time but its the past. We have to let it all go and move on. The future will be bright, it really will be 🌠 I learnt that we still have that child in our hearts. It’s still there but we have to set it free and be creative. I know the dangers of the world and am more careful but I still believe in the good people. I may be a real princess one day, who knows haha. What I really know is that I will be a dreamer & hippie for life. My heart will always be full of love and light because I so believe that even though the world can be seem really dark, there’s always a light that is shining out there πŸ’«

This is me also in Spain, Basque country in the garden of my lovely Spanish family 😍

Much love,

Christina xoxo 

You can either run from your past or learn from it πŸ’«

Hey lovely bloggers πŸ’•,

I just love this quote so much from R.M. Drake from Instagram πŸ’œ. You can all follow him on Instagram. I love his poetry and books he has written. This is exactly the way I’m feeling right now. If anybody feels this way too, remember you are not alone in this. Sometimes I still feel the the pain of my past. The pain of having my heart broken and giving my heart to the wrong people. It still fucking hurts πŸ’”πŸ˜’ .

I wish I could hate you and write everything that I hate about you… but I just can’t. There’s still a little piece in my heart that loves you, and maybe always will. First loves always hurt. First break ups even more. This Christmas it will be already 5 years since you left me. It’s such a long time ago. I’m so much better than before and almost don’t cry about you anymore but sometimes it still hits me how you broke my heart into pieces. We were too young.  I wanna feel love again and I know I can. It just takes time. My heart needs to heal. 

I also feel the hurt of people who hurt me in the past. I can still remember of people bullying me and making me feel worthless. When I meet new people I’m afraid to open up. When I know they are good people I can make life long friendships. I just have to feel safe. I have to remember myself that I’m not my past. I have to remember myself that I’m strong enough to let it all go.

If anybody feels this way too, remember that you are loved and not alone. We all go through hard times, just not at the same time. We all have to deal with toxic people in our lives. The best thing ever I did was to let those people go and only surround myself with good people, the ones who lift you up and will love you no matter what happens. You can either run from your past or learn from it like they say in The Lion King πŸ’• .

Learn from it, grow and be the best version of yourself because you fucking deserve all the good things of the world. You are beautiful and loved πŸ’•πŸ’«βœŒ

Much love,

xoxo πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•