Coronavirus: Is this a wake up call for the world?! πŸŒ

Hola lovelies πŸ’•,

I know all we can talk about now in the world is the coronavirus (Covid-19). I wanted to post a blog post about some happy stuff such as some book reviews but I really need to talk about this. I have to describe my feelings and thoughts on it as I always do with important topics such as mental health, feminism, injustice in the world and other topics. I need to let my thoughts go and write it down here or I will feel that I explode πŸ˜₯. My mind is so full these days. I’m not doing okay.

So, I can’t sleep well anymore. I feel so bad and anxious. I’m crying every day 😒. I don’t know how to cope. I have cramps in my stomach. It’s in times I didn’t felt so bad. This virus only increased my anxiety. How can I feel less anxious when the situation is getting worse every day and people are dying? I feel hopeless. There’s an outbreak of a pandemic in the world right now. The coronavirus feels like the flu but it’s worse because you have fever, cough and it effects your lungs. It all began in China in December. They eat a lot of strange food there such as living animals such as cats, dogs and whatever. My daddy said that the virus comes from bats. I’m of course not a doctor and don’t know much about viruses but all we know is that it’s spreading to every country. If I’m affected I could infect three other people.

I have sometimes health anxiety so I’m also a bit worried to get this virus to be honest. I think it’s normal that we are worried because our health is the most important thing in life. What I’m also worried about is the people who are vulnerable and the elderly people. My father for example has diabetics so it could be dangerous for him. What I don’t like about what’s happening now is that many people especially young people think oh only the old people die or the sick ones. That’s being so EGOISTIC. Writing this I feel tears in my eyes coming because I CARE. I care sometimes way too much about people, this earth and everyone because of being a highly sensitive person and also suffering from anxiety. I care about someone dying being 75 years old of coronavirus even though I don’t know that person. It could be your father, daughter, grandmother. Every one deserves a good life and deserves to live and be treaten well πŸ’–πŸ™.

Everything is cancelled right now 🚫. In The Netherlands there are no concerts, theater, cinema, sport events happening anymore and all schools are closed. I’m worried about that Eurovision in May will be cancelled too. I hope to go another day. I was so happy when this year began because of this event and good stuff. I’m worried about my friends in Italy being locked down. Spain has now declared an emergency state. I’m worried about my family and friends there. They only can leave the house for meds, work or to go to the supermarket. My mother and I are supposed to go in two weeks but that isn’t possible anymore. Tonight they closed the borders. It makes me sad to not be able to go as we never experienced this. None of us does. It feels lik a movie but it’s happening and it’s real. Scary stuff 😒. I just hope we can enjoy Summer time 🌞 in Spain because otherwise I will get so depressed and anxious. I don’t like Summer in The Netherlands because the sun doesn’t shine that much. I’m just always so happy in Spain. Holy week in Spain is cancelled too. I would have to go to the dentist in Spain too but right now it isn’t an emegerncy as I have no pain.

I’m a highly sensitive person, an empath and suffer from anxiety. This is maybe not the best combination in the midst of the Coronavirus. I care always so much about others and everything that it all affects me emotionally. I suffer more but I also love more. I’m here for all the ones in need. You can always talk to me. We are not alone πŸ’ͺ We are all in this together.

I just got inspired to write this post too because of Melissa Wells. Maybe everything what’s happening now is a wake up call for the damn world. Care about the elderly. Help people in need. Think of the ones working in the hospital sector and supermarkts. I’m seeing also very good deeds this week such as people donating blood in Spain for the people who need it. Doctors from China are helping Italy and Spain with medical products. The supermarkets are almost empty here and also in the rest of the world. I don’t find that at all funny. Maybe this pandemic virus is a wake up call for the world like that we have to be more compassionate, less egostic and think of others. Don’t buy so much stuff in the supermarkets because then someone else can’t buy toilet paper or hand gel or food. Think more of others than of yourself.

All people think of nowadays is me, myself and I. It’s the wrong way. We are all human and we all long for the same things such as food security, love, safety and being healthy. I also feel that this lack of control and uncertainty is making me more anxious. All governments and society thinks about is money and power. I’m a hippie by heart and just never feel like I approve with the society we are living in. Maybe more people feel that way.

Citizens have to be responsible for their actions too. In Italy and Spain they aren’t allowed to go outside or have fun with friends in some bar. Take these measures seriously. Many young people can’t die from it, but if you do get infected you can make others infected like people who are in a vulnerable state or older people. Your actions could be the death of someone else. Buy responsibly πŸ›’. My mother wanted to buy paracetamol today and saw everyone being greedy and getting them. That isn’t the way to handle things in life. I saw a picture where Italy has almost no pollution in the air and is clear. You see, we can fight climate change all together πŸ’ͺπŸ€—. I saw people donating loads of blood in Spain. Good things happen every day. We can all make a change in this world.

I will stay mostly at home now. It’s time to slow down. It’s time to help others and not think of me, myself and I. Let’s be compassionate, solidair and less egoistic. Follow the health instructions. Don’t buy everything you see in the supermarkets because then there will be nothing left for others. We have to be all strong together and help each other. We are all in this together. I’m also anxious right now but I hope this situation will be solved as long as we take all measures seriously. Wash your hands well and focus less on social media. I also have to watch less news as that only increase my anxiety and doesn’t solve anything. We will see what will happening the coming days. Stay safe at home 🏑, read books πŸ“š, blog, watch series and movies 🎬, or listen to podcasts. There are so many nice things to do at home. We don’t always have to be outside to have fun.

It’s time that countries work together with each other to combate this pandemic of Coronavirus. We are all together in this. 2020 is the year that will change our view of the world because of this health crisis. We will make it out stronger and hopefully we will learn to be more responsible for this earth and for all its people πŸŒπŸ’•.

At the end, everything will be allright. Take care, stay safe and love because that will never be cancelled πŸ’–πŸ’‹πŸ€—βœ¨I’m here for you all. I love you all so much!

Thank you all for reading this important blog post. I hope it didn’t sound depressing. I just wanted to share the good and the bad like always. How do you feel about the Coronavirus? Are you anxious? How’s it in your country? What do you do to calm yourself down? I really need some support right now. Let me know lovelies. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

Much love πŸ’•,

xoxo Christina

I just want to be truly happy

Hola lovelies πŸ’•,

I need to write some thoughts I have lately on my mind down here. I always am 100% honest and vulnerable because this is my safe space. I’m so thankful for all your support and for all of you being there for me πŸ™πŸ’–. It means the most to me. Right now, I just don’t feel okay. It’s not like that I feel really bad but I’m also not feeling really good. It’s a strange feeling. I also have headaches and can’t wait to soak up some sunshine 🌞 when I will go again to Spain in two months. This grey and rainy weather affects my mood and mental health so much 😒. I will tell you all about it in this blog post. I hope I’m not the only one feeling this way.

I feel lonely lately because I don’t leave the house much and if I leave the house I just go to the park or go shopping with my mother. I don’t see my friends a lot 😒. I feel isolated and bored. They are all busy. I just see some friends here or in Spain a few times in a month. Sometimes I feel I do all the effort in friendship/relationships. I’m so done with that because I can’t do that anymore. I’m a highly sensitive person and all my life I have felt that I love and do more for others than people do for me. I’m the helper. I’m the fixer. It’s nice to help others but I also would love that people do the same for me. Of course, I’m so thankful for my family especially my mother and my good friends in real life and online who are always there for me πŸ’–πŸ™Œ.

I just wish to meet more people in real life too. I want to share my struggles and open up. I love to do it here online but sharing your stuff with a person face to face is the most vulnerable thing ever. It’s so good to do that and I really miss that right now in my life πŸ˜”. I love my pen pals, blogging friends and friends I know from the Yoga Girl community but those are all people living far away from me. I really would love to be able to teletransport myself so that we could be together having fun and talking about real life topics. I know one day that dream will become true even though it may cost some time πŸ™βœ¨.

I also just feel like I’m just floating or trying to survive in life. I feel lost for so many years already and I just can’t see how to go out of that space. Lately I feel bored, uninspired and so tired about everything. I’m happy I faced my fear of going to the dentist last month in Spain but I still need to get three wisdom teeth out 🦷. I still need to face that fear three times more. I still need to get a job which just doesn’t seem to go well with me. I thought of maybe teaching kids English or Spanish. Life just feels like a never ending struggle. As I’m reading right now Looking for Alaska I feel that kind of struggle. It’s hard to feel it and to be in this space.

I also know that what I want from life is just to be truly happy. I want to be happy with myself. I have spend so many years being my own enemy that I’m done with it. It’s just to hard to heal in that way because whenever I feel anxious I doubt myself and say the worst things about myself. My inner-critic becomes loud and says that I’m not worth it, that I’m lazy for not having a job, that I’m not loved by anyone and that eventually everyone will leave me. This of course only makes me feel worse. Being bullied in high school caused me to have anxiety and these kinds of thoughts too. I have to listen more to my inner-bestfriend who tells me that I’m loved, worth it and that my worth has nothing to do whether I’m productive or not.

I also feel like I wouldn’t be happy with a 9 to 5 life or a routine. I feel like I would feel bored in one second. I want more out of life. I love adventure, travelling and meeting people which is sometimes a contrast of me having anxiety. Anxiety doesn’t form part of my personality even though sometimes I think it does because that voice gets so loud. The thing is that I have so many dreams but just never know how to make them happen because of insecurities, anxiety and just have no clue to make it all work. I would love to write a book πŸ“πŸ“–, travel the world 🌍, be able to surf the waves πŸ„β€β™€οΈπŸŒŠ and sometimes I even thought of being a singer. However, then I thought oh no that’s nothing for me because I don’t like attention. I don’t know if I would be happy if I would be famous.

Sometimes I love to isolate myself, hide myself, do yoga or meditation and just read books, write for my blog and write letters to my friends. There are also days that I like to go out, go to concerts with my friends and just have fun. I can be all of those things and don’t have to choose between one of another. I just wish I could really speak up more in real life and let myself seen. I have still a hard time doing that. I know it will make me happier in the long term.

Maybe we all know nothing of life and we are just trying to look like we have our life together when we don’t. Social media doesn’t give you a real view of what real life is. Sometimes I think of deleting it all as I tend to compare myself to others so much which ends up in feeling depressed and anxious of not having achieved certain milestones in life such as having a job, being married, having children and owning a car and a home. Then I always think to myself, is that what life is about? When you have all of that you are suppose to be “happy”. I really don’t know if all of that would make me happy to be honest.

Life for me is all about experiences, travels and connecting with wonderful people. I think what we miss right now in this society is trully being connected with someone and sharing our feelings. What I need right now is to be able to share my feelings and thoughts with someone. We all need to be able to laugh, cry, get a hug and have a real life connection. With the rise of social media this lack of connection is becoming a more serious issue. I love blogging and I love writing letters because the connection with someone is much stronger than writing a stupid whatsapp message. The next best thing is of course seeing that person. Maybe, that’s why I feel lonely too this month. I just wish that I can find my own happiness in life and achieve my dreams 🌠. We all deserve to be happy. Anxiety will never win. I have to believe in myself more and know that I will achieve my dreams. Thank you all for always being there for me because really that means the most to me. One day I will give you the biggest hug ever. I love you all so much πŸ˜πŸ€—πŸ’ž.

Thank you all for reading my blog post. I hope you liked it and it inspired you in some way. Do you also feel lost in life sometimes? How do you deal with it? Do you miss connection in your life too? Let me know lovelies. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

Much love πŸ’•,

xoxo Christina

I’m so done people making choices for me

Hey lovelies πŸ’•,

I prepared another blog post but I think it has to wait. I really need to share my feelings and thoughts and I can only do it here in my safe space πŸ™. I’m in Spain right now and again I feel so bad. It feels like every time I’m in Spain now I get a mental breakdown 😒. It’s horrible because it’s my fav place ever and I’m always so happy to be here. It’s heartbreaking that I’m again so sad, so anxious and so angry. I don’t want to feel bad in Spain again. I will tell you all about it in this blog post. It’s about people making choices for me. I’m sorry if this post is depressing but it’s just how I’m feeling. It’s also always when I feel the worst that I can speak the truth out loud in an authentic and vulnerable way. Maybe it will help others too who are feeling the same way. At the end, we all feel the same things just at different times. The picture below is me crying so hard. I just want to be really honest about that. Maybe it’s a cry of help but it just feels good to share on here.

The flight went well except that we had to walk so much because our luggage was in a different terminal. I’m exhausted from the trip to be honest. We ate some delicious pasta from the airplane, a bread with jamΓ³n serrano and I ate some delicious πŸ˜‹ yoghurt ice cream with smarties. We took the train to our home from Madrid. The bad stuff began when we talked with my family in The Netherlands.

I had an appointment for going to the dentist a few days ago in the afternoon and my mother in the morning for control. My family didn’t forget that and my mother said I wasn’t going that day but another day. I’m really exhausted. Then my family said well if you don’t go and come back to Holland then I will make an appointment to go there in the hospital. In Holland you can’t just go to a clinic or private thing because they aren’t specialized with getting wisdom teeth out. It cost more and you have to go to the hospital πŸ₯. The hospital makes me even more scared.

I said okay and we hang up. It was then when I felt so angry, anxious and sad. I can still feel my heart beating so fast πŸ˜’πŸ˜” I told my mother the most horrible things like I want to be dead. I wanted to run away and never come back. I slammed the doors so hard. Thank God nothing broke. I still feel bad. It’s not only the dentist thing which triggers me. It’s always people making decisions and choices for me in my life. Saying when I have to go to the dentist. Having to do things I don’t want to. I often do it because I’m a people pleaser. It’s not good. I’m so done with it. I’m always anxious of people being angry at me.

I don’t have the energy anymore. I really don’t. Yes of course I know I have to go to the dentist but just when I feel ready for it which is of course never because it’s a real phobia. I’m waiting for an infection silly me…. 😒. I know our family wants the best for us but not in a good way sometimes. You can’t just force someone. I just would like to feel that sense of having some control over my life. Now I feel that others control my life. I feel obligated to go. It isn’t healthy for me that lack of control over my own life. It’s draining me.

Also clearly some people doesn’t understand my anxiety or any other mental illnesses. It’s so hard to feel so many feelings when someone just don’t understand you. I now I have to calm down but I feel like I don’t want to speak to anyone anymore. I don’t want to see anyone. How can I live my own life when I still feel others have so much influence on me? A few years ago I went to a mental health worker for anxiety and she told me that some people have too much influence on me. I really do love them all but I think she’s right because I just feel like I can’t make my own decisions which at the end makes me so unhappy and anxious in life. It’s important to be able to make your own decisions and live life the way you want.

I know I really have to go to the dentist but it’s just a big phobia I have. I don’t know how to overcome it. At the end all worries are in our mind and it’s nothing like I expect it. Then some people will say you see, you were afraid of nothing. Well, yes but that’s because I suffer from anxiety. That’s also the reason I don’t know if therapy would work for me because my family isn’t in favor of that. I also don’t know if that would benefit me. I just know that after 26 years living on this earth 🌎 it’s time for me to make decisions on my own.

Maybe, I also overreact now much more because I’m so exhausted and didn’t sleep well and enough last night. I also feel so lonely lately. I feel like some friends don’t understand me as well and ignore me. I get angry so easily. I’m not doing okay again and it hurts. I don’t want to see people who don’t care about me. I feel also like I’m hurting my mom which is the one I love the most in this life. It breaks my heart to see her suffering because of me πŸ’”πŸ˜’. I don’t want to die of course but I also don’t want to feel like this and live life this way because it hurts me.

Thank you for reading this post. I hope it made any sense. Sorry for the rant. I don’t even know why I’m always apologizing for feeling my feelings. I’m here for you all too ❀️ What do you think of all of this? Any advice? Do you also feel like others decide decisions for you in your life? I would really appreciate any thoughts, messages or advice πŸ’–πŸ™.

Love you all so much πŸ’ž,

xoxo Christina

Being vulnerable and honest is what matters most in life πŸ’–βœ¨

Hey lovelies πŸ’•,

Today I’m going to talk about my feelings and thoughts about being real and vulnerable. I will also show you that crying is okay and that it’s okay to feel all our feelings, the bad and the positive ones. It takes a lot of courage to be myself in a world where you are constantly being judged for being yourself. At the end, what’s most important in life is to be real with ourselves and with others. Only then we can have great relationships in our lives πŸ’–.

I’m always 100% myself on here, on my IG for my blog or in the communities such as the Yoga Girl Community I’m in. Being myself means sharing the good and bad in life. It’s about being raw, vulnerable and sensitive. Nowadays we live in a world where it’s better to hide our emotions and fake it until we make it. I’m so not into that. I’m loosing friends every year and thinking of that now, I’m happy about it. If people don’t align with me, respect me and care about me, why would I want to be friends with that person? Why invest so much time in people who aren’t worth our time? Our time is precious in life so better invest that in people who give you good vibes, love you for being yourself and who really care about you.

This is also a reason why I deactivated my Facebook account since a few days. I feel like social media does more wrong than good. I compare my life to others way too much. Then I begin to feel even more anxious. It’s also not good for my mental health. Maybe, I will activate it again one day. I just think I have to spend less time there because I don’t like all the fake people I see. There are even people I follow on social media who used to be friends with me and are showing their perfect lives which involves their travels, jobs and family life. I just can’t stand it. I’m not a person who’s jealous of that but it just makes me feel bad about myself. It always feels like the grass is greener on the other side. It’s like I don’t have my life together and seeing all those posts only increase my feeling of anxiety. I hope you all understand what I’m trying try to say.

People are just so fake in general. I know it isn’t attractive to see someone crying on a picture or reading about the though stuff in life like loosing someone we love, someone getting sick or any other tragic news. It’s just really necessary to show also the bad stuff in life because only then we can connect with others in a real way and feel less alone in our struggles. Of course, I don’t mean to only write about negative stuff and watch all the negative news which we are constantly being drowned by. I just mean that it’s important being real about our feelings and thoughts in life. I really can see how I and all the othee people struggling with their mental health or anything else in life can feel worse when people don’t talk about their struggles and only show the good in life. It makes us feel even more isolated.

Whenever I see those perfect feeds online I also feel like I don’t try hard enough in life to reach my goals. I feel like people don’t show often how hard it was to accomplish something in their life like getting that job you dreamt of, achieving other things in life such as finishing college or high school. Why do we not show more the journey to reach a certain goal? I think that could let us know that everything we want in life doesn’t come easy and that doing our best is more than enough. It will inspire us instead of making ourselves feel bad. I’m still applying for jobs in Spain and get a lot of rejections. It makes me feel demotivated. I feel like I won’t ever get a job I love because anxiety gets in the way. Today I applied again for a job to work online from home in Spain. I hope I will hear one day something positive about it πŸ€žπŸ€ I definitely know that it would make us feel better if we see how hard it is to reach things in life. Nobody talks about how hard it is to find a job when you are mentally ill. That makes me only feel more shameful when I didn’t choose to suffer from anxiety on the first place.

I also still struggle with going to the dentist to get my wisdom teeth pulled out. I need to do it one by one but I just feel exhausted by the thought of it. Anxiety makes me feel so exhausted in life πŸ˜”. I feel exhausted to through to those waves of anxiety again so I don’t do anything about it which also isn’t okay. Maybe, I need to ask for help but I also still don’t know if therapy would help or I’m just fooling myself and telling myself that story. Maybe, I’m just anxious about going through all of that and I think I deserve no help or healing. In the midst of all of this, I wanted to apply for a singing casting for a talent show in Spain. I don’t think I’m doing it because it cost me money to go to Madrid. However, maybe I will apply for another singing casting here in Valladolid 🎢🎀. This also makes me anxious but I also love to sing. It’s one of my biggest passions in life. You have to send some voice notes and if you pass, you will have a real life audition. This audition is to be able to sing in a women’s choir. I miss singing in a choir. I sang 11 years in a choir in The Netherlands. The only thing is that I’m not living in Spain right now so maybe it doesn’t make sense to apply. If I would get a job I could stay here.

What I also wanted to say is that anxiety is a real illness as well as other mental illnesses or invisible illnesses. With these pictures below I want to show you all how it looks like to suffer from anxiety. It takes a lot of courage for me to show you this side but I feel the need to be real in the most vulnerable way. It’s okay to cry and not be okay. There has to be no shame of that. You can see me smiling on the first picture. I was happy that day but there could be also times when I’m smiling but feel anxious. On the second picture I was crying and feeling anxious which was last weekend because I feel again pressure to get a job I don’t want because of my family. At the end, we have to decide what’s best for us. Anyone can give us an advice but only we know what our heart wants.

You see that you can never judge someone just based on how they look like. Someone can be smiling but feeling bad. We don’t know the struggles someone is facing so we always have to be kind. Someone can hide a lot behind a smile. Mental illnesses and other invisible illnesses are real. Just because you don’t see it, doesn’t mean it isn’t true. I wish people would understand that better or at least try to show some empathy and compassion. That’s what I need, you need and the whole world needs right now. We need to able to feel our feelings, show them and then eventually we can let them go. I’m blessed to have my family, friends both online and in real life who care about me. I’m so blessed to have you in my life. Thank you, thank you, thank you. You all mean the world to me πŸ’žπŸ™

You are not alone.
You are so loved.
You are allowed to feel your feelings.
You are allowed to cry.
You are allowed to be angry.
You are allowed to take up space in this universe.

You don’t have to do this alone. If we all look after each other we could definitely make this a better world to live in. We would feel less alone in our struggles, pain and though times in life. Let’s walk this journey together, step by side, side to side. We are all in this together.

Thank you all for reading this blog post. I love to be real always. Do you find it hard to be real about your feelings in this fake world? How does social media make you feel? Any advice of the things I shared related to anxiety, the singing castings or the search for a job? Let me know lovelies. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

Love you all so much πŸ’•,

xoxo Christina

Right in this moment all is well

Hola lovelies πŸ’•,

Today I want to talk about what I have expierencing these last days together with some realizations I have got. It’s about sharing my deepest thoughts and feelings with you as I have always done and always will do until the day I die. I hope this post will not turn into a depressive post but just so you know it before I begin to talk.

Last Friday I began to read the book of Yoga Girl called “To love and let go”. I will not tell you a lot about it because I really want to do one post about it when I have finished it. It just deserves a post on its own. It’s the most spiritual, healing and just best book I haver ever read πŸ’—βœ¨. It feels like my Bible πŸ“–. I’m at page 74 and it has more than 300 pages so I’m happy there is still so much more to read. I have always said that The fault in our stars is my favourite book but this book is a memoir, based on a real life story and I feel like this is my next favourite book. Yoga Girl also called Rachel Brathen is an international yoga teacher with her own yoga studio called Island Yoga in Aruba. She lives there with her hushband and daughter. Her story is about loss, love and gratitude. She lost her best friend in a car accident and right in that moment she had to go through surgery for her appendix in Bonaire. It’s a heart breaking story πŸ’”πŸ˜’.

Every chapter is amazing, just so beautiful, just out of the world 😍. In one chapter she is writing about how in this exact moment all is well and that anxiety and fear dissapears when we think of the present. There’s this book called “The power of now” which also talks about this. I want to read it one day. I think about this a lot as I have been sleeping so bad these last nights. I thought maybe it’s because of reading this book as it’s so beautiful but also heavy. I think way too much and then get anxious of having so many thoughts in my mind 😒. I wish I could turn them all off and be like it’s enough now and stop it. Anxiety doesn’t work that way. It’s so hard to be present when your mind is constantly in war with you. I also think social media plays a role in this too so these last days I have been using it less. I like it but it also increase my anxiety and makes me feel bad about myself. Blogging and being in communities is so much better. I can’t deal with fake people anymore. I want real connections where I can talk about real life stuff such as deep conversations about death, the universe, our dreams and struggles. Social media feels so fake. I want to learn new things and get inspired instead of getting impressed of people with their fake happiness in life.

Also I think a lot about life and death lately. I have always thought about it and now I think even more about it. I already wrote about my fear of death in this post. I have always been afraid of death ☠️ but also of life because my whole life I live out of fear instead of love. That’s my problem. Sometimes I’m afraid to sleep because of not waking up the next morning. Then I get panic at night and keep waking up. I just fear that everything will stop one day, that everyone I love will die one day and that all of this will stop existing one day. It’s a scary thought 😒. I fear dying but what I fear most is just the thought of being death. I hope I’m not sounding strange but when I shared it in the community of Yoga Girl on Facebook I was happy that I wasn’t alone in this. There are more people afraid of this. It makes me feel good that I’m not the only one thinking about this.

I talk about this with some of my friends or my parents. My daddy said why would you worry about it when you are death because you wouldn’t know it and he also said that before we were born we were also not here. Life is strange. I agree with him but it just still feels strange. I’m just always thinking about the past which includes being bullied, having my heart broken and all the negative stuff and then when that’s done I began to worry and think about the future and so I’m constant in fear and anxiety anticipating the worst things in life. I know we all will die one day and that death is part of life. I just have to find a way in living a life where I can be happy and at peace with my mind. I hope that we can all find that one day as we deserve it ✨

That’s also the reason why I don’t know if I will ever try therapy because I don’t know if it would help me as I have to move on from the past. I know I have to let it all out but I also have to let it go and not dwell in the past which only increase my anxiety. I also want to take yoga lessons πŸ§˜β€β™€οΈ in a class one day. From reading this book I’m learning that right now all is well. I do meditation sometimes with Yoga Girl’s podcasts which is amazing. I’m getting better with it than before. Sometimes I cry while meditating as I’m releasing my emotions. Children are always living in the present moment. I’m thinking about when we as adults stopped doing that. When did that happen? It’s sad because then everything makes sense. It’s normal to feel anxious when we are constantly thinking about the past or future. If we would think more often of the present, right now, how would we feel? I definitely would feel more at peace and less anxious. All is well. That’s going to be my mantra from now on. I know it’s difficult because anxiety often gets in the way but at least I can try.

Today was a good day too because I slept well last night and it was great weather. The sun was even shining a bit 🌞. I got beautiful pen pal mail and Christmas presents from my friends in UK. Selena Gomez and Duncan Laurence released a new song which I loved 🎢. I still didn’t get my period which for one reason is good but I also don’t want to get it when I’m travelling to Spain next week. I had also fun meeting up with my best friend and had a delicious lunch together in Haarlem πŸ˜πŸ˜‹. We also went stationery shopping which is just the best. You will see what I bought in another post. I also saw her family later which I loved because they are basically my second family haha. Her father always says I’m his adopted daughter.

When I came back home I was walking to my home from the bus stop. I was listening to the birds and saw the Autumn leaves πŸ‚πŸπŸƒ on the street. I saw the beautiful green trees. I could smell the Fall. I felt some wind on my face and right in that moment, I felt part of this universe. All is well I thought. Everything is exactly the way it’s because it’s suppose to be this way. I will find my way in life. The universe will always have my back. I’m so blessed so blessed to be alive right now. Thank you life for all the good and bad. I have tears in my eyes right now while writing this. I mean it. I really do. This life is so fragile. We really have to be thankful for all of it πŸ™βœ¨πŸ’—

“If I could stay in the moment and just be, I’d always come back to the same conclusion: all is well. Every time my mind took control, I challenged myself to not get pulled into panic mode.”

– To love and let go by Rachel Brathen

Thank you all for reading this post. I hope you understand what I just shared with you all. Do you also live more in the future than in the present moment? How does it make you feel? Do you also think a lot about life and death? Let me know lovelies. I’m always here for you πŸ’–. I will speak to you all soon in my next blog post.

Much love πŸ’ž,

xoxo Christina

Life is for the living πŸ’—πŸŒŒ

Hey lovely bloggers πŸ’•,

Today I want to write about something I thought one night and still think sometimes. These are some thoughts which I think a lot of and can’t seem to let them go. I hope you can understand them and can somehow relate to them. I miss sharing my thoughts and feelings on here which was also the reason I began this blog. I just felt the need to write them down and what better way to share them here on my blog.

So, one Summer night I was sitting in the car with my friends and we were driving back home from celebrating a birthday of our friend. I was looking at the stars from the window of the car and thought of life. I think a lot of this life we are living. I thought about the purpose of life. I think a lot of it actually. I thought of the universe ✨ . It always amazes me and also terrifies me at the same time. We are a drop in the ocean like a drop in the universe. We are nothing compared to the big universe yet we are everything. Life wouldn’t be the same without us all here. Sometimes when I feel bad I think this life is worthless and I don’t understand why I’m living. It makes me feel worse as I think of all the pain and injustice in the world. I often think that it’s difficult to be that sensitive girl in this hard world. People can be so mean and really life can be so so hard and break your whole heart πŸ’”.

However, I still believe even though during those times that I’m struggling or feeling anxious that we are here living this life for a reason. Even when life breaks our heart in many ways we are here for a reason. In those moments when I look up at the sky and see the stars ✨ shining so brightly and see the moon πŸŒœπŸŒ› following us while we are driving I get emotional. It’s just amazing to think how we all ended up here and our living this life in this beautiful world. We may not always find it beautiful and life can be so hard but there are still moments like this that make it all worth it. I truly believe in that. I’m grateful for all the good people I have in my life. I love my family and friends. I love my blogging friends, pen pal friends and I love to be in the Yoga Girl community. Life is all about sharing love to ourselves and giving that love to others πŸ’—. That’s why we are living this life.

Those moments I look up at the sky while being at the backseat of the car of my friend I began to think of my purpose in life. Am I doing some purposeful things in life? I’m still looking for a job and feel like I don’t have my life together. I’m still struggling with anxiety about getting a job, going to the dentist or other everyday life things. It’s all okay because I’m still living this life the best I can. I may not earn money from the things I do right now in life but at least I can say I’m making people happy. At least I’m trying, really I am. Even when some people from the outside think we aren’t doing our best, we really are. Don’t compare yourself to someone else their highs in life. We all go through ups and downs in life. Not everyone shows it. This blog means so much for me. I’m able to speak my thoughts and emotions out loud and can help people who struggle with life or feel alone. I have always thought that I’m here to help others and that helping others will heal me too πŸ’—. I truly believe that’s true. I love to share the truth, be honest and be vulnerable with myself and with you all.

Eventually the universe will give us what we want at the moment we need it. We have to take action but what’s meant to be, will be. At least, that’s what I believe in. I also believe that of course having a job and earning money is important to become independent and be able to care for yourself but the little moments in life are what makes life beautiful. You can earn millions of money, be famous and still feel unhappy. Maybe you are only doing it for the money but you don’t feel purposeful. That will not give you the happiness in life you need. We live for those little moments in life such as seeing a baby smiling at his parents, swimming in the ocean on a Summer day, feeling the warmth on your skin or drinking a tea with your mother during a cold Winter night. All the big things like getting a promotion at work, marriage or getting a new house will not mean anything if you don’t appreciate the little moments in between. Those extra ordinary moments are what make this life beautiful 🌟 .

At the end of our lives, it’s all about how much love you gave to yourself and to others. You will also remind yourself of all the beautiful memories you made, the friendships you made along the way, the places you have been to, the books you have read, the journals you have written, the music you have played and danced along. It’s all about love because that’s what matters the most in life. To love and be loved. You won’t remember the bad times as much as the good times. Your happiness is the most important thing that you will be reminded of. Never ever forget that. You deserve all the good things in life.

It’s all about living a life according to your values and not impressing people you don’t even like. When I got bullied during high school I was always thinking that if I changed myself maybe then those bullies would like me and treat me differently. Thinking of this back I know now that it wasn’t okay to think that way as I don’t have to change myself for anybody. We are all different and that’s what makes us all beautiful. We aren’t here to impress people. We are here to help ourselves and others. We are here to heal ourselves. We are here to feel peace within ourselves. We are here to love each other no matter what. We are here to give hope to people who have lost it. We are here to live because life is for the living.

This song also inspired me to write this post. I love the music of Passenger. This song is called Life’s for the living.

“Don’t you cry for the lost
Smile for the living
Get what you need and give what you’re given
Life’s for the living so live it
Or you’re better off dead”

Thank you all for reading this blog post. I really liked writing it. I wrote it when I got a lot of inspiration. I always get inspired by looking up at the sky and seeing the shining stars in the sky. Did you too get inspired? What do you think of living a purposeful life? What do you think your purpose is in life? Let me know lovelies. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

Much love πŸ’•,

xoxo Christina

Happy two year blogging anniversary! πŸŽ‰πŸŒ»βœŒοΈπŸ˜πŸŽˆπŸŽ‚

Hey lovelies πŸ’•,

Today I want to talk about something really important which is about this special day. Today my blog turned two years old! πŸŽ‰ I’m so happy about it and also feel very proud of this accomplishment. To be honest I always get easily bored and also quit easily when things get hard. I’m happy that I sticked around and never gave up on blogging because it makes me so happy. I wouldn’t know where I would be without my blog. I can’t believe how fast time is going by. They always say time flies when you are having fun and that’s definitely true. I will share you in this post some of the reasons why I started blogging, some words about my appreciation for you all and some funny statistics like I did last year in this blog post πŸ’•.

Yeahhh the official announcement! πŸ˜πŸŽ‰
The collage I made for all of you! 😍

I’m just so happy that I kept blogging and never stopped. I used to blog more but now I prefer to post 4 or 5 times a month. I don’t have another blogging schedule. I prefer to post just when I have inspiration and want to. I never want to turn my blog in something that I have to do. I do it because it’s fun and I love it. Blogging makes me so happy. I love to interact with you all. I never knew that I would meet so many amazing and beautiful people like you all are 😍 You all mean the world to me. I really wouldn’t know what I would do without you all.

I also always felt the need to write πŸ“ . I have loved writing since I have been little. I used to write in a diary when I was younger. I still have so many journals and notebooks at home but I don’t use it that much. I only write there sometimes some poems or use it as scrapbook. I want to use it more or make a bullet journal. I always say that I’m going to that and at the end nothing happens πŸ˜‚. I find blogging easier to do so whenever I have some thoughts or emotions I want to let go of. I always use my blog for that.

I never knew that my blog would grow so much and would attract so many people. I love to write about mental health, self love, feminism, travel trips, photography, poetry and books. I love to not have a niche as I love to write about a lot of things. This year I wrote some book related posts such as hauls and reviews. I also love that I share almost every month a music post about the music I loved that month or new music which came out 🎢. I love to discover new music too. I would love to share more singing covers as I love to sing and I would love to share that more with you all 😍🎀. I also thought of making a YouTube channel but I still don’t know if I will ever make that happen. If anyone has any ideas of posts you want to see on my blog, please let me know.

I’m just so grateful to have you all in my life πŸ’—πŸ™ . I like that my blog is growing and that I get more followers but what’s more important than all the numbers are all the friendships I’ve made through blogging. You guys are da best and mean the most to me. I love my real life friends, pen pals and the friends I made through blogging. This community is just so powerful and so beautiful ✨. Everytime I feel my life is turning upside down and I feel like the clouds are crying with me I turn to my blog and I begin to write about everything what’s on my mind no matter how dark or heavy it’s.

You are always there for me and listen to me. I appreciate that so much. I love your advice but what I love the most is just to know that I’m not alone in my struggles and that theres’s someone who understands me and cares about me even when we never have met. I truly believe that online friends are real friends too. I can’t wait to meet you all one day. We will ALWAYS be friends ❀️🌹. I don’t say that just to say something nice. I really mean it.

I keep saying that nowadays we live in such a fake world where we are told to hide our feelings and not be vulnerable. We are told not to share our struggles because it’s better to not fall apart. Well, sometimes it’s good to fall apart and to cry. We have to let everything go. For me, singing and writing is a beautiful form of letting my thoughts go. It’s a way of healing. We all have our own ways of how to go through life. I think it’s important to have that because otherwise we hold everything in ourselves which at the end is much worse. We can’t have all our thoughts in our mind because at the end we will explode. We have to let it out in any form which works for you.

I also would like to share now some nice statistics of this blogging year. I hope you find them interesting too haha πŸ˜‚ . I have so many more views and visitors compared to last year so I’m really happy about that.

Some blogging statistics:

Followers: 379 (Last year I had 212, so I gain 167 followers yeahhh!)

Blog posts: 158

Visitors: 5239

Views: 9742 (Almost 10.000 wow!)

Best day: April the 7th, the day I got the most views

Day most popular: Friday, yeahhh weekend vibes! (19%)

Hour most popular: 9:00 PM (7%)

Some of my blog posts wich are the most popular and got the most views were:

The differences between everyday anxiety and an anxiety disorder (65 views)

Today it’s my 26th birthday forever young yeahhh (66 views)

April favourites (73 views)

Loving you is a loosing game (86 views)

Do you think it’s possible that some people are born to give more love than they will ever get back in return (534 views, this post is from September 2017 and still get so many views which I’m very proud of)

Top 10 countries that have visited my blog:

I find this such an amazing thing to look at when I look at the statistics. So many people from all over the world visit my blog 🌍. It’s crazy! I think it’s amazing. Sometimes I also see countries which I don’t know such as Swaziland, Lesotho or The European Union lol that’s not a country. I exactly know which bloggers friends visit my blog when I look at the stats haha. Thank you all so much! πŸ’•

1. United States (1682 views)

2. United Kingdom (792 views)

3. Netherlands (597 views including me when I’m there haha)

4. India (431 views)

5. Canada (294 views)

6. Spain (288 views including me)

7. Australia (218 views)

8. South Africa (151 views)

9. Ireland (144 views)

10. Philippines (86 views)

Thank you all so much for following my blog and for giving me so much love with all the comments and likes you give me. I’m thankful for all the lessons I learned this year. I still don’t know if I ever am going to earn money with blogging. What was funny one day when I was at home in Holland with my family was that my father said how you could earn money while blogging. He said that it must be something for me as he knows I love to write. I never told him as I don’t want everyone to know about my blog. I just love this safe space where I can share freely without being afraid of judgment. I love that like almost everyone on here are people who I don’t know in real life. I would love to meet you all but I just love that I can be 100% myself and be honest without thinking oh no that person knows me from this, I can’t say that. This is my blog without any filters. It’s just the truth.

However, maybe in the future I would love to upgrade my account to premium or even business to have more space and to design my blog better. First, I need money for that. I just will keep blogging my whole life. Sometimes I will blog more and sometimes less. I will always stick to be myself. I never want to impress people. I just want to help others in need and heal myself too while writing. Everyone here is welcome no matter what your religion, sexuality, race or nationality is. We are all one. We are all human. I hope you will all follow this adventure called life with the ups and the downs with me. I love you all with my whole heart β™₯.

Thank you all for reading this blog post. What do you love about my blog? What kind of changes or topics would you love to see on my blog? Do you also think that writing can heal our hearts? Do you also think that internet friends can be real friends too? Do you think we will ever meet in person? I would love to know your thoughts on this. I will keep writing from the heart. Always. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

I love you all so much, to infinity and beyond, to the moon and back πŸ˜πŸ˜πŸŒœπŸŒ›πŸŒŸβœ¨,

xoxo Christina

Poem: Life is unfair

Hola lovelies πŸ’•,

I wrote this a few days ago because I was feeling emotional and had to cry. It’s about an illness you all know: cancer. I wrote a poem about it too.

Lately I can’t sleep well so last night was not an exception. What do I do when I can’t sleep? Writing, writing and writing. I love to write especially poems as well. When there’s so much in my mind I need to let it go. You know that feeling that even though when you are struggling yourself you want to help people who are struggling too? That feeling of impotence is what I feel right now. It makes me even feel guilty to have fun in life sometimes because I see so much pain in this world which breaks my whole heart πŸ’”πŸ˜’

I’m really feeling all the feels. I feel emotional and I also feel anger. Life is so unfair. I cried when I heard the awful news that Lisa from my choir died from cancer which I wrote in this post. I cried when I heard that my neighbour died last month because of cancer. I cried when I heard that someone I know very well has cancer now. Here I’m crying again because Lisanne has another form of cancer again 😒 It’s just so awful. She has neuroblastoma and now she has leucemia too. Lisanne is almost 6 years old. She is a child from a man which I know from my choir too. I’m thinking that this could happen to any child like my niece too.

I just had to write this poem in respect for everyone who has lost someone because of cancer or is going through this sickness. I also shared it on my poetry account seaofwordsx. I’m here for you all πŸ’—. In the past I donated money for a cancer organization and also for the organization for neuroblastoma. I will keep doing that in the future because I hope that that will cure more people of cancer πŸ™.

I’m always here for anyone who needs me. I love to help people and will keep doing that forever. We are always in this together πŸ’ͺ I’m sending you all my love and strength. I love you all so so so much πŸ’ž

Thank you all for reading this blog post and my poem. I hope you liked it and it inspired you ✨. Did you love my poem? Do you also know someone who suffers from cancer? Do you also sometimes feel impotence when you see so many people suffering in the world and you don’t know how to help them? I will speak you all in my next blog post.

Much love πŸ’•,

xoxo Christina

We humans complicate life when it’s really simple

Hey lovelies πŸ’•,

Before I will share with you a post about my birthday which is this Saturday πŸŽ‚πŸŽπŸŽˆπŸŽŠ I want to share something else. It’s a long time since I didn’t write a post about a topic and just rambled about it. I missed that. My last posts were only about music haha because music is life 🎢 I like to write about anything. This post will be about that humans complicate life when life is really simple.

I was thinking about this when I was laying in the sunshine in my garden in The Netherlands last week 🌞 The sun was shining brightly. It was 20 degrees and a blue sky. I just felt happy and peaceful sunbathing in the garden with my mother. I heard some birds whispering and there was some wind but it was okay. Feeling the sunshine on my skin was just perfect on that moment πŸ‘Œβ˜€οΈ I was thinking about how amazing life is when you just don’t think of anything and just enjoy the moment. To be present is so important for a calm mind.

I begin to think about how beautiful nature is and how we human complicate everything in life so much. It only brings us more negativity and bad vibes in life. Nature is just there and don’t want to compete against each other. It grows and blossom. We have to do the same. Humans always look up to other people and that makes them feel bad about themselves. I know I do it too. Comparing myself makes me feel worse. It feels like I won’t ever achieve my dreams or be as beautiful or enough as that person over there.

Also we often don’t want to take the first step in a friendship or relationship because of our ego. We wait until that person takes the first move. It’s better to wait or that’s what they say. We can wait our whole life and not get into that relationship because of ourselves because we are always complicating things. We are creating drama when life is easy. I know of a time I was with my choir singing in UK and one boy of the guest family told me I’m a drama queen hahah sorry I am such a person πŸ˜‚ It’s better now though. When we miss someone we want them to call or text us. It’s okay to take that first step. I think we have to trust and believe in ourselves more and show our feelings. Society tells us to bottle everything up and be emotionless. It isn’t good for you and you know that.

Tell your loved ones more often that you miss them and love them because that’s how you feel πŸ’• They have the right to know it. Do it before it’s too late. We know life isn’t forever but yet we live like it will go on forever. I know I do it myself too as I survive each day. Deep down I know time is ticking away and that time is not coming back. We can’t save time or pause the time. It’s not standing still. We have to enjoy our time and spend it doing things we love to do with the people we love.

Why do we complicate life quote

I say so many things to myself that I want to do and I don’t do it because of fear or judgment. I know many of us make false promises to ourselves. If we can’t commit to our promises then how are we ever be able to commit to people’s promises?! We have to do it for ourselves first. Practice what you preach. I’m also so good in helping other people and giving them advice but I fail to follow my own advices. I fail to ask for help because I’m afraid others see me as a weak person or one who can’t have her life together on her own. You see, we are the ones complicating life when things could be easier.

It’s much easier to just let all these thoughts go and just live our lives on our own way. If we don’t like our studies, job or whatever we have the right to change that and not complicate things in life. We can change, grow and do something we love. I’m a believer that deep down in our heart we know exactly what we want to do in life and how to full our time in life. We just have to find it. It can take some time but we will get there. I hope to find it too. We also have to be more in nature and learn from it. It learns us to enjoy our time in life, worry less and know that everything will slowly be better. Bad times won’t last forever nor will the good times. Everything always is constantly changing including ourselves. Seasons don’t come all at once. They come slowly and that’s how we have to live our lives.

I hope we can all live this way instead of complicating our lives. I know it’s difficult and things get our way. As I suffer from anxiety I find it hard to switch my thoughts as sometimes I just can’t. Nature calms me down. What calms me down the most is swimming in the sea. Also hearing the waves crashing on the shore is the most calming and healing thing ever. We all have something in our lives which calms us down and make us happy. It could be anything from books, music to going to the teatre. Enjoy your time on life and spread kindness, love and happiness. Stay away from drama.

Thank you all for reading this blog post. I hope it made sense and you all liked it. Do you think we complicate our own lives? What could we do instead in order to live a happy and simple life? What are your thoughts on this topic? Let me know lovelies πŸ’–.

Much love πŸ’•,

xoxo Christina

Fear of death

Hey lovelies πŸ’•,

I wrote this post a few months ago. I wanted to share it now with you all. Today I will talk about one of my biggest fears in life and which is also a real trigger for my anxiety. I hope this blog post will not sound that weird but I just need to write my thoughts and feelings about this subject down here. This is the only safe space where I can just vent knowing that every strange thing I will write about will be accepted haha πŸ˜‚. I’m going to talk about my fear of death. Fear of death is also named thanatophobia. I know I had/have this my whole life.

Since I’ve been little I’ve always been thinking about life and death. I was always wondering about life. Since I began to realise that we’re all going to die one day I completely paralised. It makes my anxiety disorder worse because every time I begin to think about this I feel so anxious. It’s pretty strange too because when I had a panic attack or felt so anxious I remember times I said to myself: “I just want to die. I can’t live with this intense pain anymore.” The thing is, I don’t want to die because I’m afraid of dying. I’m afraid of life too because of anxiety. It’s a constant circle of thoughts. The thought that we are all going to die and that the sun and just this whole world will stop one day too makes me really feel so anxious.

I remember times I was talking with my best friend about this subject and she said to me that she wouldn’t want to live forever. I also think that it will not be great if you see everyone around you dying and you are the only one who lives forever. Maybe, it’s okay that one day everything stops but still it feels scary and strange. I always thought like okay a person can maybe live 100 years so I was always counting how many years that person still could live before they turn 100. I know maybe this sounds really crazy haha but I always do that πŸ˜‚. Then I think ohhh this person still can live 50 years for example and I get a bit happier about the fact that he/she still has many years to live.

When I’m getting really deep in my thoughts I also begin to think that this life is precious and fragile. One day you live, the next day you die. You never know when it will happen to you. I begin to think how amazing all those little things in life are as seeing the flowers blossom, listening to your favourite music, hearing the waves of the ocean crashing to the shore, listening to the singing of the birds and so many other things that we often take for granted. The fact that we are a human being that lives and breath on this earth is just a beautiful miracle ✨

I have also always been afraid of growing older because of this fear. I know I have to be happy about growing older because not everyone get that privilege. I know so many times that during my childhood kids would say: β€œI can’t wait to grow older”. I always thought to myself: β€œI want to stay this little forever.” Growing older for me also meant being bullied at highschool, my first break up, anxiety disorder and so many other problems in life. I loved being little and careless. Every year my birthday arrives I get anxious and begin to think about my life. One year less to live. I also begin to think about the fact that I’m not living the life I want and still not have achieved the things I dream of. I know I’ve time but it just makes me anxious to think of that time is running out.

The worst part of the fear of death is thinking about loosing my parents one day. I think that’s the worst part of it all. I can already feel the tears in my eyes coming. I’m crying right now. This thought sometimes keeps me up at night and I remember so many times that I was crying about this at night. I remember that I googled it so many times. I just don’t know how I would cope without my mother and father. I love them so much. Maybe, this fear comes also from my teenage years where I almost lost my father. When I was 11 years old my father got accute pancreatis because of taking a medicine for high cholestrol. This was a side effect of that medicine. He had to go through 5 surgeries in 5 years of being ill. Basically, they cut a lot of his organs because he had so many complications during these years. I almost lost my father when I was just 11 years old 😒. A few times he was really in life danger and almost died.

I just remember how I was crying and praying that he would live. This fear of death was so real because I just felt it in all my bones. I’m so happy he survived it. He has now diabetics because they also cut his pancreatis to have no infection anymore. He’s living with that illness and hopefully he will live many more years. He still goes to controls every year. Even though I have a better relationship with my mother because she understand me so well I love them both of course. The thought of loosing my father or mother is just the worst. They are the ones who brought you to life and loosing them will make you feel like you are loosing something of yourself.

The worst thing about it is that I know of course that this will happen one day. Also when I think of loosing my best friends, brothers, family members or other loved ones it makes me so unbelievable sad. I don’t want to live in a world without them. I know I will have to. I never went to a funeral until last year in October. Lisa, a girl from my choir, died from leucemia. I went with my mother to this cremation. It was really a beautiful ceremony. I only saw the closed coffin. I’m glad I conquered this fear and went for the first time in my life. I know I will always have this fear but hopefully it will become better within time.

Maybe, death is also our teacher. After I went to this funeral I begin to think about life. When people die around you it teach you that life is fragile and that you only have one life. β€œLove the life you live. Live the life you love” as Bob Marley says ❀️. We have to always listen to our hearts and follow our dreams. I long of inspiring people and helping other people in need. I want to make this world a better place to live in. I want to travel the world. I have so many dreams that I want to achieve. This life is beautiful and death is part of it. Life is everything between birth and death. I hope I can let my mind become more still and less anxious about this fear of death. Let us all enjoy life and be happy. That’s what matters the most.

Thank you all for reading this blog post. Do you also have a fear of death? Can you relate to it? I would love to know your thoughts of this topic in the comment section. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

Much love πŸ’•,

xoxo Christina