Coronavirus: Is this a wake up call for the world?! ๐ŸŒ

Hola lovelies ๐Ÿ’•,

I know all we can talk about now in the world is the coronavirus (Covid-19). I wanted to post a blog post about some happy stuff such as some book reviews but I really need to talk about this. I have to describe my feelings and thoughts on it as I always do with important topics such as mental health, feminism, injustice in the world and other topics. I need to let my thoughts go and write it down here or I will feel that I explode ๐Ÿ˜ฅ. My mind is so full these days. I’m not doing okay.

So, I can’t sleep well anymore. I feel so bad and anxious. I’m crying every day ๐Ÿ˜ข. I don’t know how to cope. I have cramps in my stomach. It’s in times I didn’t felt so bad. This virus only increased my anxiety. How can I feel less anxious when the situation is getting worse every day and people are dying? I feel hopeless. There’s an outbreak of a pandemic in the world right now. The coronavirus feels like the flu but it’s worse because you have fever, cough and it effects your lungs. It all began in China in December. They eat a lot of strange food there such as living animals such as cats, dogs and whatever. My daddy said that the virus comes from bats. I’m of course not a doctor and don’t know much about viruses but all we know is that it’s spreading to every country. If I’m affected I could infect three other people.

I have sometimes health anxiety so I’m also a bit worried to get this virus to be honest. I think it’s normal that we are worried because our health is the most important thing in life. What I’m also worried about is the people who are vulnerable and the elderly people. My father for example has diabetics so it could be dangerous for him. What I don’t like about what’s happening now is that many people especially young people think oh only the old people die or the sick ones. That’s being so EGOISTIC. Writing this I feel tears in my eyes coming because I CARE. I care sometimes way too much about people, this earth and everyone because of being a highly sensitive person and also suffering from anxiety. I care about someone dying being 75 years old of coronavirus even though I don’t know that person. It could be your father, daughter, grandmother. Every one deserves a good life and deserves to live and be treaten well ๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ™.

Everything is cancelled right now ๐Ÿšซ. In The Netherlands there are no concerts, theater, cinema, sport events happening anymore and all schools are closed. I’m worried about that Eurovision in May will be cancelled too. I hope to go another day. I was so happy when this year began because of this event and good stuff. I’m worried about my friends in Italy being locked down. Spain has now declared an emergency state. I’m worried about my family and friends there. They only can leave the house for meds, work or to go to the supermarket. My mother and I are supposed to go in two weeks but that isn’t possible anymore. Tonight they closed the borders. It makes me sad to not be able to go as we never experienced this. None of us does. It feels lik a movie but it’s happening and it’s real. Scary stuff ๐Ÿ˜ข. I just hope we can enjoy Summer time ๐ŸŒž in Spain because otherwise I will get so depressed and anxious. I don’t like Summer in The Netherlands because the sun doesn’t shine that much. I’m just always so happy in Spain. Holy week in Spain is cancelled too. I would have to go to the dentist in Spain too but right now it isn’t an emegerncy as I have no pain.

I’m a highly sensitive person, an empath and suffer from anxiety. This is maybe not the best combination in the midst of the Coronavirus. I care always so much about others and everything that it all affects me emotionally. I suffer more but I also love more. I’m here for all the ones in need. You can always talk to me. We are not alone ๐Ÿ’ช We are all in this together.

I just got inspired to write this post too because of Melissa Wells. Maybe everything what’s happening now is a wake up call for the damn world. Care about the elderly. Help people in need. Think of the ones working in the hospital sector and supermarkts. I’m seeing also very good deeds this week such as people donating blood in Spain for the people who need it. Doctors from China are helping Italy and Spain with medical products. The supermarkets are almost empty here and also in the rest of the world. I don’t find that at all funny. Maybe this pandemic virus is a wake up call for the world like that we have to be more compassionate, less egostic and think of others. Don’t buy so much stuff in the supermarkets because then someone else can’t buy toilet paper or hand gel or food. Think more of others than of yourself.

All people think of nowadays is me, myself and I. It’s the wrong way. We are all human and we all long for the same things such as food security, love, safety and being healthy. I also feel that this lack of control and uncertainty is making me more anxious. All governments and society thinks about is money and power. I’m a hippie by heart and just never feel like I approve with the society we are living in. Maybe more people feel that way.

Citizens have to be responsible for their actions too. In Italy and Spain they aren’t allowed to go outside or have fun with friends in some bar. Take these measures seriously. Many young people can’t die from it, but if you do get infected you can make others infected like people who are in a vulnerable state or older people. Your actions could be the death of someone else. Buy responsibly ๐Ÿ›’. My mother wanted to buy paracetamol today and saw everyone being greedy and getting them. That isn’t the way to handle things in life. I saw a picture where Italy has almost no pollution in the air and is clear. You see, we can fight climate change all together ๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿค—. I saw people donating loads of blood in Spain. Good things happen every day. We can all make a change in this world.

I will stay mostly at home now. It’s time to slow down. It’s time to help others and not think of me, myself and I. Let’s be compassionate, solidair and less egoistic. Follow the health instructions. Don’t buy everything you see in the supermarkets because then there will be nothing left for others. We have to be all strong together and help each other. We are all in this together. I’m also anxious right now but I hope this situation will be solved as long as we take all measures seriously. Wash your hands well and focus less on social media. I also have to watch less news as that only increase my anxiety and doesn’t solve anything. We will see what will happening the coming days. Stay safe at home ๐Ÿก, read books ๐Ÿ“š, blog, watch series and movies ๐ŸŽฌ, or listen to podcasts. There are so many nice things to do at home. We don’t always have to be outside to have fun.

It’s time that countries work together with each other to combate this pandemic of Coronavirus. We are all together in this. 2020 is the year that will change our view of the world because of this health crisis. We will make it out stronger and hopefully we will learn to be more responsible for this earth and for all its people ๐ŸŒ๐Ÿ’•.

At the end, everything will be allright. Take care, stay safe and love because that will never be cancelled ๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’‹๐Ÿค—โœจI’m here for you all. I love you all so much!

Thank you all for reading this important blog post. I hope it didn’t sound depressing. I just wanted to share the good and the bad like always. How do you feel about the Coronavirus? Are you anxious? How’s it in your country? What do you do to calm yourself down? I really need some support right now. Let me know lovelies. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

Much love ๐Ÿ’•,

xoxo Christina

International Women’s Day 2020 ๐Ÿ’ชโ™€๏ธ๐Ÿ’œ

Hey lovelies ๐Ÿ’•,

I always find it so important to talk about women’s rights especially today. Today it’s International Women’s Day ๐Ÿ’œโ™€๏ธ. Every day is women’s day but I find today just an important day to talk about feminism and women’s rights. I love to write poetry about this topic. I love to read about it. I love to speak up about it because we have the right to speak up. I will also share at the end a poem, a picture and a cover ๐ŸŽถ I made for this subject. I will not say happy International Women’s Day because how can we be happy when there are still so many women suffering in this world? How can we be happy when we are still afraid walking at night? How can we be happy when we are always afraid of something happening to us? There still needs a lot to be done to have equal rights between men and women.

There’s still no equality between men and women in this world. We have to raise our voice and talk about it. Men still earn in many places more than women. Men still consider women as objects. Men still keep catcalling women on the street. Rape, sexual abuse and violence against women exists. It still happens. It happens in The Netherlands, in Spain and anywhere else in the world. It has nothing to do with undeveloped or developed countries. This is an issue which effects the whole world ๐ŸŒ. I wish we wouldn’t live in a patriarchal world. To be honest, I’m sick of it. Women can be bosses too. We don’t need men to feel satisfied or be happy in life.

I have always been a feminist and also will be a feminst forever ๐Ÿ’œโ™€๏ธ๐Ÿ”ฅ. Women and men deserve the same human rights. It’s that simple. Some men always think that if you are a feminist, you hate men. That isn’t the case at all. Of course, men can be a feminst too because this isn’t just about women, it’s also about men. We don’t want to have the power over men. We just want GENDER EQUALITY.

Girl support girls always

I have to admit that I still have a wall around me because of my ex. It’s been 7 years since the break up ๐Ÿ’”. I dated some guys sometimes but just short and nothing serious. I’m afraid to get hurt again. I liked guys which just wanted me because they wanted sex from me and I don’t want that. They saw me as an object and even one time one said that they thought I was sexual attractive. I was like fuck off ๐Ÿ‘†. You see, I’m fed up with these kind of comments. I want to be seen as a women for my qualities which means being sensitive, romantic, creative, compassionate and for being intelligent and having a good heart. When I see a man or get to know one I think of these qualities of that person whereas men always focus on our physically.

To be honest, I don’t blame men for those behaviours because they can be changed. Those are not great comments of course. Those behaviours are thought from an early age. Boys and girls are grown up differently. Boys have to be strong and like men stuff like cars ๐Ÿš˜ and football and girls are grown up having to be like a princess ๐Ÿ‘ธ, being sweet and sensitive and loving all cute and pink stuff. It’s the wrong way to have grown up. The moment a child doesn’t feel like fitting in, he or she fall outside the box in our society. So, I definitely think these male-dominated behaviours of catcalling and seeing women as an object comes from an early age.

I really do think we have to raise boys and girls the same way. Tell them it’s okay to be and like who they want to like. Tell the boys it’s okay to cry. Tell the girls it’s okay to be a warrior. This will also cause less mental health problems in the future. There are more men who die by suicide then women because they feel they can’t express their emotions and don’t have the right to cry and talk about their feelings.

As you can see, there is still a lot to do with achieving real equality between men and women. I’m a feminist by heart and I find it important to raise awareness about equality always. Therefor I made a poem ๐Ÿ“ for this day and this poem relates to the picture where you can see me with tape on my mouth. I made this picture a few years ago for an assignment for school. It was for my minor of photography. We had to show a contrast with two pictures. I had chosen the topic of freedom. This picture is the opposite of how I’m able to live my life. This picture relates to my poem below.

Picture of myself showing how some women can't speak up

๐‘ฐ ๐’‚๐’Ž ๐’‚ ๐’˜๐’๐’Ž๐’‚๐’.
๐‘ป๐’‰๐’†๐’“๐’†๐’‡๐’๐’“ ๐‘ฐ ๐’ˆ๐’†๐’• ๐’‘๐’–๐’๐’Š๐’”๐’‰๐’†๐’….
๐‘ฐ ๐’„๐’‚๐’’๐’• ๐’˜๐’†๐’‚๐’“ ๐’˜๐’‰๐’‚๐’• ๐‘ฐ ๐’˜๐’‚๐’๐’•.
๐‘ฐ ๐’„๐’‚๐’’๐’• ๐’ƒ๐’† ๐’˜๐’‰๐’ ๐‘ฐ ๐’˜๐’‚๐’๐’• ๐’•๐’ ๐’ƒ๐’†.
๐‘ฐ ๐’„๐’‚๐’’๐’• ๐’ˆ๐’ ๐’”๐’๐’Ž๐’†๐’˜๐’‰๐’†๐’“๐’† ๐’‚๐’๐’๐’๐’†.
๐‘ฐ ๐’„๐’‚๐’’๐’• ๐’…๐’“๐’Š๐’—๐’†.
๐‘ฐ ๐’„๐’‚๐’’๐’• ๐’˜๐’๐’“๐’Œ ๐’๐’–๐’•๐’”๐’Š๐’…๐’† ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’‰๐’๐’–๐’”๐’†.
๐‘ฐ ๐’‰๐’‚๐’—๐’† ๐’•๐’ ๐’Ž๐’‚๐’“๐’“๐’š ๐’”๐’๐’Ž๐’†๐’๐’๐’† ๐‘ฐ ๐’‰๐’‚๐’—๐’† ๐’๐’†๐’—๐’†๐’“ ๐’Ž๐’†๐’• ๐’๐’“ ๐’‚ ๐’‡๐’‚๐’Ž๐’Š๐’๐’š ๐’Ž๐’†๐’Ž๐’ƒ๐’†๐’“.
๐‘ฐ๐’‡ ๐‘ฐ’๐’Ž ๐’๐’–๐’„๐’Œ๐’š ๐‘ฐ ๐’„๐’‚๐’ ๐’Ž๐’‚๐’š๐’ƒ๐’† ๐’Ž๐’‚๐’“๐’“๐’š ๐’”๐’๐’Ž๐’†๐’๐’๐’† ๐’˜๐’‰๐’†๐’ ๐‘ฐ’๐’Ž 20 ๐’š๐’†๐’‚๐’“๐’” ๐’๐’๐’….
๐‘ด๐’š ๐’‡๐’“๐’Š๐’†๐’๐’…๐’” ๐’‚๐’“๐’† ๐’‚๐’๐’“๐’†๐’‚๐’…๐’š ๐’Ž๐’‚๐’“๐’“๐’Š๐’†๐’… ๐’‹๐’–๐’”๐’• ๐’•๐’‰๐’†๐’Ž ๐’ƒ๐’†๐’Š๐’๐’ˆ ๐’Œ๐’Š๐’…๐’”.
๐‘ด๐’‚๐’“๐’“๐’š๐’Š๐’๐’ˆ ๐’ƒ๐’†๐’Š๐’๐’ˆ ๐’‚ ๐’„๐’‰๐’Š๐’๐’… ๐’Š๐’” ๐’”๐’ ๐’๐’๐’“๐’Ž๐’‚๐’ ๐’‰๐’†๐’“๐’†.
๐‘ฐ ๐’„๐’‚๐’’๐’• ๐’”๐’‘๐’†๐’‚๐’Œ ๐’–๐’‘.
๐‘ฐ’๐’Ž ๐’”๐’Š๐’๐’†๐’๐’„๐’†๐’….
๐‘ด๐’†๐’ ๐’‰๐’‚๐’—๐’† ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’‘๐’๐’˜๐’†๐’“ ๐’๐’—๐’†๐’“ ๐’–๐’”.
๐‘ป๐’‰๐’Š๐’” ๐’Š๐’” ๐’Ž๐’š ๐’๐’Š๐’‡๐’†.

๐‘ป๐’‰๐’Š๐’” ๐’Š๐’” ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’”๐’•๐’๐’“๐’š ๐’๐’‡ ๐’˜๐’๐’Ž๐’†๐’ ๐’๐’Š๐’—๐’Š๐’๐’ˆ ๐’Š๐’ ๐’Ž๐’‚๐’๐’š ๐’–๐’๐’…๐’†๐’—๐’†๐’๐’๐’‘๐’†๐’… ๐’„๐’๐’–๐’๐’•๐’“๐’Š๐’†๐’” ๐’๐’‡ ๐’๐’–๐’“ ๐’˜๐’๐’“๐’๐’….
๐‘ฐ๐’ ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’…๐’†๐’—๐’†๐’๐’๐’‘ ๐’„๐’๐’–๐’๐’•๐’“๐’Š๐’†๐’” ๐’•๐’‰๐’†๐’“๐’†’๐’” ๐’‚๐’๐’”๐’ ๐’”๐’•๐’Š๐’๐’ ๐’‚ ๐’๐’๐’• ๐’๐’‡ ๐’Š๐’Ž๐’‘๐’“๐’๐’—๐’†๐’Ž๐’†๐’๐’• ๐’•๐’ ๐’…๐’ ๐’˜๐’Š๐’•๐’‰ ๐’˜๐’๐’Ž๐’†๐’’๐’” ๐’“๐’Š๐’ˆ๐’‰๐’•๐’”.
๐‘พ๐’† ๐’‚๐’“๐’† ๐’‹๐’–๐’”๐’• ๐’†๐’™๐’•๐’“๐’†๐’Ž๐’†๐’๐’š ๐’‘๐’“๐’Š๐’—๐’Š๐’๐’†๐’ˆ๐’†๐’… ๐’‚๐’๐’… ๐’‰๐’‚๐’—๐’† ๐’•๐’ ๐’Œ๐’๐’๐’˜ ๐’•๐’ ๐’‡๐’Š๐’ˆ๐’‰๐’• ๐’‡๐’๐’“ ๐’˜๐’๐’Ž๐’†๐’’๐’” ๐’“๐’Š๐’ˆ๐’‰๐’• ๐’‚๐’๐’ ๐’๐’—๐’†๐’“ ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’˜๐’๐’“๐’๐’….
๐‘พ๐’‰๐’†๐’ ๐’˜๐’† ๐’”๐’‘๐’†๐’‚๐’Œ ๐’–๐’‘, ๐’˜๐’† ๐’…๐’ ๐’Š๐’• ๐’‚๐’๐’ ๐’•๐’๐’ˆ๐’†๐’•๐’‰๐’†๐’“ ๐Ÿ’ช
๐‘พ๐’† ๐’‚๐’“๐’† ๐’‚๐’๐’˜๐’‚๐’š๐’” ๐’Š๐’ ๐’•๐’‰๐’Š๐’” ๐’•๐’๐’ˆ๐’†๐’•๐’‰๐’†๐’“.
๐‘พ๐’๐’Ž๐’†๐’’๐’” ๐’“๐’Š๐’ˆ๐’‰๐’•๐’” ๐’‚๐’“๐’† ๐’‰๐’–๐’Ž๐’‚๐’ ๐’“๐’Š๐’ˆ๐’‰๐’•๐’” ๐’‚๐’๐’… ๐’๐’๐’ƒ๐’๐’…๐’š ๐’„๐’‚๐’ ๐’๐’“ ๐’˜๐’Š๐’๐’ ๐’†๐’—๐’†๐’“ ๐’•๐’‚๐’Œ๐’† ๐’•๐’‰๐’‚๐’• ๐’‚๐’˜๐’‚๐’š ๐’‡๐’๐’“ ๐’–๐’”.
๐‘จ๐’๐’ ๐’˜๐’๐’Ž๐’†๐’ ๐’…๐’†๐’”๐’†๐’“๐’—๐’† ๐’•๐’ ๐’๐’Š๐’—๐’† ๐’‚ ๐’๐’Š๐’‡๐’† ๐’Š๐’ ๐’‡๐’“๐’†๐’†๐’…๐’๐’Ž.
๐‘พ๐’† ๐’„๐’‰๐’‚๐’๐’ˆ๐’† ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’˜๐’๐’“๐’๐’… ๐’†๐’—๐’†๐’“๐’š๐’…๐’‚๐’š! ๐’€๐’†๐’” ๐’˜๐’† ๐’„๐’‚๐’ ๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ’œ

Besides, I also made this cover of the song La puerta violeta ๐Ÿ’œ๐ŸŽถ from rozalen. It’s such a beautiful Spanish song. Rozalen is such an amazing Spanish artist! This song is about violence against women and about freedom. She sings about drawing a violet door on the wall, running in the forest and being free and safe. It’s a song dedicated for the violence against women around the world.

I shared the cover on my instagram which you can find below.

View this post on Instagram

International Women's Day ๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿ’œ . Yesterday it was International Women's Day ๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ’ชโ™€๏ธIt's been a long time since I shared a cover from a song ๐ŸŽถ. I made this cover of the song La puerta violeta from @rozalenmusic. It's such a beautiful Spanish song. Rozalen is amazing! This song is about violence against women and about freedom. She sings about drawing a violet door, running in the forest and being free and safe. ๐‘ท๐’†๐’“๐’ ๐’…๐’Š๐’ƒ๐’–๐’‹รฉ ๐’–๐’๐’‚ ๐’‘๐’–๐’†๐’“๐’•๐’‚ ๐’—๐’Š๐’๐’๐’†๐’•๐’‚ ๐’†๐’ ๐’๐’‚ ๐’‘๐’‚๐’“๐’†๐’… ๐’€ ๐’‚๐’ ๐’†๐’๐’•๐’“๐’‚๐’“ ๐’Ž๐’† ๐’๐’Š๐’ƒ๐’†๐’“รฉ ๐‘ช๐’๐’Ž๐’ ๐’”๐’† ๐’…๐’†๐’”๐’‘๐’๐’Š๐’†๐’ˆ๐’‚ ๐’๐’‚ ๐’—๐’†๐’๐’‚ ๐’…๐’† ๐’–๐’ ๐’ƒ๐’‚๐’“๐’„๐’ ๐‘ซ๐’†๐’”๐’‘๐’†๐’“๐’•รฉ ๐’†๐’ ๐’–๐’ ๐’‘๐’“๐’‚๐’…๐’ ๐’—๐’†๐’“๐’…๐’† ๐’Ž๐’–๐’š ๐’๐’†๐’‹๐’๐’” ๐’…๐’† ๐’‚๐’’๐’–รญ ๐‘ช๐’๐’“๐’“รญ, ๐’ˆ๐’“๐’Š๐’•รฉ, ๐’“๐’†รญ ๐‘บรฉ ๐’๐’ ๐’’๐’–๐’† ๐’๐’ ๐’’๐’–๐’Š๐’†๐’“๐’ ๐‘จ๐’‰๐’๐’“๐’‚ ๐’†๐’”๐’•๐’๐’š ๐’‚ ๐’”๐’‚๐’๐’—๐’ I hope you all liked this song and we can change the world little by little. Women and men are equal. We all deserve the same human rights. Let's all stand together to make this happen and take action. Yes we can do it! ๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ’œ

A post shared by Sea of words ๐ŸŒŠ (@seaofwordsblog) on

I hope you all liked the poem and the song. It’s just so important to speak up for the ones who can’t speak up. We have to do it all together ๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿ’–. We are all making a change every day by changing our thoughts and behaviour. We are all equal. Nobody is better. We are all human and deserve to be treated that way.

Thank you all for reading this important blog post about international women’s day, equality, human rights and feminism. I hope you all liked it and that it inspired you. Are you also a feminist? What do you think of equality? What do you think needs to change to achieve gender equality in the world? Let me know lovelies. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

Much love ๐Ÿ’•,

xoxo Christina

Just be yourself poem ๐ŸŒธ

Hey lovelies ๐Ÿ’•,

I would like to share a poem I made a few days ago about being myself and I also shared it online. It’s been a long time since I shared a poem on here. I love to express myself with writing. I will show a picture of me with this poem I made. I had a nice photoshoot one day in Spain. This picture is already 6 years old haha but sssht ๐Ÿคซ I still look the same ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคญ.

Picture of myself in Spain

I am sensitive.

I am caring.

I am beautiful.

I am creative.

I am inspiring.

I am strong.

I am lovable.

I am enough.

I am loved.

I am empathetic.

I am vulnerable.

I am honest.

I am open-minded.

I am intelligent.

I am sweet.

I am romantic.

I can be all of them.

I don’t have to choose between one of them.

Being human means being all of those things.

That’s the power of being human.

To be who you want to be without having to choose.

Being ourselves and loving ourselves unconditionally.

We are all human and matter.

Be yourself and love yourself.

Just be you.

Thank you all for reading this blog post. I hope this poem inspired you to be just yourself with all your qualities and flaws. You are beautiful just the way you are ๐Ÿ’–. What do you think of my poem? What makes you you? Do you think it’s difficult to be yourself in our society? Let me know lovelies. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

Much love ๐Ÿ’•,

xoxo Christina

I just want to be truly happy

Hola lovelies ๐Ÿ’•,

I need to write some thoughts I have lately on my mind down here. I always am 100% honest and vulnerable because this is my safe space. I’m so thankful for all your support and for all of you being there for me ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ’–. It means the most to me. Right now, I just don’t feel okay. It’s not like that I feel really bad but I’m also not feeling really good. It’s a strange feeling. I also have headaches and can’t wait to soak up some sunshine ๐ŸŒž when I will go again to Spain in two months. This grey and rainy weather affects my mood and mental health so much ๐Ÿ˜ข. I will tell you all about it in this blog post. I hope I’m not the only one feeling this way.

I feel lonely lately because I don’t leave the house much and if I leave the house I just go to the park or go shopping with my mother. I don’t see my friends a lot ๐Ÿ˜ข. I feel isolated and bored. They are all busy. I just see some friends here or in Spain a few times in a month. Sometimes I feel I do all the effort in friendship/relationships. I’m so done with that because I can’t do that anymore. I’m a highly sensitive person and all my life I have felt that I love and do more for others than people do for me. I’m the helper. I’m the fixer. It’s nice to help others but I also would love that people do the same for me. Of course, I’m so thankful for my family especially my mother and my good friends in real life and online who are always there for me ๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ™Œ.

I just wish to meet more people in real life too. I want to share my struggles and open up. I love to do it here online but sharing your stuff with a person face to face is the most vulnerable thing ever. It’s so good to do that and I really miss that right now in my life ๐Ÿ˜”. I love my pen pals, blogging friends and friends I know from the Yoga Girl community but those are all people living far away from me. I really would love to be able to teletransport myself so that we could be together having fun and talking about real life topics. I know one day that dream will become true even though it may cost some time ๐Ÿ™โœจ.

I also just feel like I’m just floating or trying to survive in life. I feel lost for so many years already and I just can’t see how to go out of that space. Lately I feel bored, uninspired and so tired about everything. I’m happy I faced my fear of going to the dentist last month in Spain but I still need to get three wisdom teeth out ๐Ÿฆท. I still need to face that fear three times more. I still need to get a job which just doesn’t seem to go well with me. I thought of maybe teaching kids English or Spanish. Life just feels like a never ending struggle. As I’m reading right now Looking for Alaska I feel that kind of struggle. It’s hard to feel it and to be in this space.

I also know that what I want from life is just to be truly happy. I want to be happy with myself. I have spend so many years being my own enemy that I’m done with it. It’s just to hard to heal in that way because whenever I feel anxious I doubt myself and say the worst things about myself. My inner-critic becomes loud and says that I’m not worth it, that I’m lazy for not having a job, that I’m not loved by anyone and that eventually everyone will leave me. This of course only makes me feel worse. Being bullied in high school caused me to have anxiety and these kinds of thoughts too. I have to listen more to my inner-bestfriend who tells me that I’m loved, worth it and that my worth has nothing to do whether I’m productive or not.

I also feel like I wouldn’t be happy with a 9 to 5 life or a routine. I feel like I would feel bored in one second. I want more out of life. I love adventure, travelling and meeting people which is sometimes a contrast of me having anxiety. Anxiety doesn’t form part of my personality even though sometimes I think it does because that voice gets so loud. The thing is that I have so many dreams but just never know how to make them happen because of insecurities, anxiety and just have no clue to make it all work. I would love to write a book ๐Ÿ“๐Ÿ“–, travel the world ๐ŸŒ, be able to surf the waves ๐Ÿ„โ€โ™€๏ธ๐ŸŒŠ and sometimes I even thought of being a singer. However, then I thought oh no that’s nothing for me because I don’t like attention. I don’t know if I would be happy if I would be famous.

Sometimes I love to isolate myself, hide myself, do yoga or meditation and just read books, write for my blog and write letters to my friends. There are also days that I like to go out, go to concerts with my friends and just have fun. I can be all of those things and don’t have to choose between one of another. I just wish I could really speak up more in real life and let myself seen. I have still a hard time doing that. I know it will make me happier in the long term.

Maybe we all know nothing of life and we are just trying to look like we have our life together when we don’t. Social media doesn’t give you a real view of what real life is. Sometimes I think of deleting it all as I tend to compare myself to others so much which ends up in feeling depressed and anxious of not having achieved certain milestones in life such as having a job, being married, having children and owning a car and a home. Then I always think to myself, is that what life is about? When you have all of that you are suppose to be “happy”. I really don’t know if all of that would make me happy to be honest.

Life for me is all about experiences, travels and connecting with wonderful people. I think what we miss right now in this society is trully being connected with someone and sharing our feelings. What I need right now is to be able to share my feelings and thoughts with someone. We all need to be able to laugh, cry, get a hug and have a real life connection. With the rise of social media this lack of connection is becoming a more serious issue. I love blogging and I love writing letters because the connection with someone is much stronger than writing a stupid whatsapp message. The next best thing is of course seeing that person. Maybe, that’s why I feel lonely too this month. I just wish that I can find my own happiness in life and achieve my dreams ๐ŸŒ . We all deserve to be happy. Anxiety will never win. I have to believe in myself more and know that I will achieve my dreams. Thank you all for always being there for me because really that means the most to me. One day I will give you the biggest hug ever. I love you all so much ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿค—๐Ÿ’ž.

Thank you all for reading my blog post. I hope you liked it and it inspired you in some way. Do you also feel lost in life sometimes? How do you deal with it? Do you miss connection in your life too? Let me know lovelies. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

Much love ๐Ÿ’•,

xoxo Christina

Music of December 2019 ๐ŸŽถ

Hey lovelies ๐Ÿ’•,

Another blog post which is a bit late lol hahah but that doesn’t matter, right?! ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ’– I really had to share this one because some really good music have been released at the end of 2019. The new album of Harry Styles is so awesome. I also love the new album of Camila Cabello so much. Also some other good music has been released. I will share it all with you in this blog post.

Camila Cabello – Romance

The new album of Camila is so goooood!!! ๐Ÿ˜ I really wish to go to one of her concerts. She is coming to Amsterdam in June but I can’t go to all the concerts I want to go this year because it cost a lot of money ๐Ÿ˜ฅ. Her new album is lovely pop music with good lyrics and also of course romantic. I love all her songs. They are so good. She’s such a great singer. I already loved the songs Shameless, Liar, Seรฑorita, Easy and Cry for me. Here are my other three favourite songs of her.

Camila Cabello ft. DaBaby – My oh my

I love this live performance in The Tonight show of Jimmy Fallon. This song is so catchy and so nice! ๐ŸŽถ I really like it so much. She is also such a great performer.

Camila Cabello – Bad kind of butterflies

Such a nice song! I really like the sound of it. I just love everything okay haha ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ’–.

Camila Cabello – First man

You’re looking at me, while walking down the aisle
With tears in your eyes, maybe he deserves me
You don’t even know how much it means to me now
That you were the first man that really loved me, that really loved me
You really love me

THIS SONG IS JUST SO BEAUTIFUL I CRY ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜ญ. I also loved the performance she gave of this song in the Grammys. It’s so emotional as her daddy is there and she is singing this song for him. She also looks so beautiful in her pink dress. Such a goddess. This song is for all the fathers out there. Our parents are definitely the first ones that really loves us unconditionally. My daddy is the only man I trust. It’s not totally true but it’s to be honest it’s just hard to find a man you can trust.

Aitana ft. Cali y El Dandee – +

This song is sooooo beautiful ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ’•. I have already listened to this song 10000 times. Aitana is amazing and Cali y El Dandee are also so nice. Together they sing beautifully. The videoclip is also so well made. It’s made in Argentina. I cried when I heard and watched it. It’s just the best. This song is about a first love that isn’t there anymore. She sings about that she knows that he isn’t coming back. She loves him more. She can’t forget him. I know this feeling so well. I’m happy that I’m not heartbroken anymore but I still don’t know how to ever love someone again because I’m afraid to get hurt again.

Lola Indigo – Luna

I love this song! Lola Indigo is such a great Spanish singer too. She only release good songs like this one. Luna ๐ŸŒœ is moon in Spanish. I love the moon and everything about it. She also has a tattoo of a moon. I would love to have that one day too if I ever get over my needle fear ughhh.

Sofia Ellar ft. Blas Cantรณ – Humanidad en paro

So beautiful! Sofia Ellar is one of my favourite Spanish artists and I also really love Blas Cantรณ which is going to represent Spain ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‡ธ in Eurovision this year. Sofia Ellar made this song a few years ago. It’s about speaking up about human rights when some people can’t. This song is about refugees. I think it’s really beautiful. Their voices are so unique together. I also agree about the message. We can all help each other ๐Ÿ™โœจ.

Harry Styles – Fine line

Finally Harry Styles released his new album Fine line!!! ๐Ÿ’– It’s so good. I also like every song of this new album of Harry Styles. I have to admit that I didn’t listen that much to Harry Styles but I began to listen to him more and I really like him. I love Sign of the times and also all the songs of One Direction. His new songs are so amazing just like he is as a person. Such a sweetheart. I also wish to go to one of his concerts one day with one of my best friends Chloe. It would be so amazing. I loved the songs he released before the album which were Watermelon sugar and Lights up. I will share now with you my other three favourites.

Harry Styles – Adore you

This song is just so amazing. I also loved that the voice you hear which is telling you a story is Rosalรญa. She’s a popular singer in Spain and internationally too. This videoclip, the song and just everything is amazing about this song.

Harry Styles – Canyon Moon

Staring at the ceiling
Two weeks and I’ll be home
Carry the feeling
Through Paris, all through Rome
And I’m still thinking back to
A time under the canyon moon

Aaaah this sounds like a country song and I love it!!! ๐Ÿ’ƒ๐Ÿ•บIt also sounds as a song from the 70’s or so. It makes me so happy. This song would be so good to make it on a playlist for a roadtrip during the Summer. I also love his whistles. It sounds so cute.

Harry Styles – Treat people with kindness

Maybe we can find a place to feel good
And we can treat people with kindness
Find a place to feel good

Treat people with kindness is what Harry Styles stands for. THIS SONG IS AMAZING. I love the background choir. It sounds amazing as well as his voice of course. Such a feel good song!

Maan – Ze huilt maar ze lacht

She is sitting here alone in the train
And she hides in her coat
She looks out of the window
And she wonders
How would it feel to be yourself
Because sometimes it hurts
But she cries but she laughs
She cries but she laughs 

She walks through a world that does not feel kind
Unintentionally she says things that everyone always says
Because things never go bad
Always okay and she talks along with them
And she laughs
She cries but she laughs

And now… she let’s it go

I don’t listen that much to Dutch music but this song is really so touching and I really cried so much hearing it ๐Ÿ’–. I feel it and the lyrics is so relatable. The videoclip was just released in Janary. This song is just so raw and vulnerable. I guess many of us can feel this way. I always laugh so people think I’m happy all the time which I’m not. Sometimes it can be a mask. I also sometimes make other people feel like everything is okay with me when it’s not. I just don’t want to bother people because I feel that sometimes I’m too much. I learned that it’s okay to be ourselves and that we can let our feelings go and just be ourselves. All our feelings matter ๐Ÿ™. There are always people who care about us and will love us for the way we are. We are not alone.

Taylor Swift – Christmas tree farm

“In my heart is a Christmas tree farm
Where the people would come
To dance under sparkling lights
Bundled up in their mittens and coats
And the cider would flow
And I just wanna be there tonight”

This song is so cute. Everything about Taylor Swift is just so good ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ‘Œ. I listened to this song a lot during Christmas time. I also love the cute pictures from her and her family when she was younger. She looks so cute!!! She is still such a sweetheart and I’m so happy I live in a world where she exists, my fav artist evah. Yeah, I love her that much haha. I wish to see her live once.

Louis Tomlinson – Don’t let it break your heart

I like this song. It’s a really nice song and Louis sings very well. I don’t listen to much of his songs but I really like this one.

Thank you for reading this music ๐ŸŽถ blog post. I hope you liked some songs of this post. Which one was your favourite? What do you think of the new albums of Harry Styles and Camila Cabello? What was your favourite song from 2019? Let me know lovelies. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

Much love ๐Ÿ’•,

xoxo Christina

December 2019 favourites ๐ŸŽ„โœจ๐ŸŽ‰๐Ÿ’ž

Hey lovelies ๐Ÿ’•,

This blog post is maybe a bit too late lol but that doesn’t matter, right? ๐Ÿ˜‚ I’m always too late for everything in life. I’m better from my wisdom teeth extraction which was two weeks ago. I still sometimes felt strange things in my mouth but I have to stop obsessing otherwise I get even more anxious about it. I’m in Holland again. The next time I’m in Spain I will get rid of another wisdom teeth ๐Ÿฆท until I have no teeth left haha no just kidding. I have to do it three times more. I can do it. Hopefully I will have less anxiety for the next times. I trust this dentist so all will be well ๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ™. Now, I have a cold too but I guess it’s that time of the year. I hope you all had an amazing Christmas and I hope this new year begin well for you all. In this blog post I will share my favourites of December which are celebrating Christmas with my family, going to the Christmas market, getting nice presents, winning some things and so much more.

Things I did with my lovely family ๐Ÿ‘ช:

Celebrating Sinterklaas with the family ๐ŸŽ‰๐ŸŽ

I celebrated the Dutch feast Sinterklaas the 6th of December. It was a nice celebration and I got loads of amazing presents. I wrote a Sinterklaas haul post which can find here. I loved the yoga mat, Flow magazines and the loads of chocolate I got ๐Ÿ˜. I still have chocolate at home from this celebration hahaha ๐Ÿ˜‚. Does anyone of you wants some chocolate? ๐Ÿซ It’s still good until March or April. I always love to celebrate Sinterklaas with the family. It’s such a nice tradition.

My parents 43th wedding anniversary ๐Ÿ’’๐ŸŒน๐Ÿ’ž๐Ÿ’

My parents had their 43th wedding anniversary the 23th of December. We didn’t do anything special besides that they went to church and I stayed home. I was already going to church on Christmas Eve. When they had their 40th anniversary we ate all together but maybe with the 45th anniversary we will do something with the family. It’s a special day which remind me that true love exists. I love my parents so much and I wish them many more years together full of health, love and happiness ๐Ÿ’ž.

Watching some Christmas movies with mama ๐ŸŽ…๐ŸŽฌ

I love to watch Christmas movies. I’m sad this Christmas we didn’t watch Love Actually. We were busy packing for Spain too so at the end we didn’t watch it. Maybe, I will watch it now haha that movie is my fav movie ever. We watched Elf, The Polar Express and The Holiday. I love The Holiday so much. It’s also one of my favourite movies. I wish my life could be like that too and I could meet the love of my life that way haha. That English cottage is just so cute. I love all the actresses and actors. So beautiful. I also loved the movie Elf as I had never watched it before. It’s really cute! The Polar Express is also a classic. I think I’ve read the book when I was younger too.

Christmas time with the family ๐ŸŽ„

We had an amazing Christmas with the family. I went to church โ›ช on Christmas Eve with my mother, brother and his wife. It was lovely. We went to their appartment on Christmas day and just relaxed. We ate dinner all together on boxing day. It’s always so nice when we are all together especially when my little niece who’s 4 year old comes. It’s play time haha! ๐Ÿ˜‚ We had a delicious meal of some meat, stewed pears which my mother made and delicious fruit and ice cream ๐Ÿจ. My daddy always love to put whipped cream into the mouth of my niece haha she loves it very much. Spending time with family is one of the most important things in life. You never know when will be the last time you seen them, so do it and love them very much. I don’t want to sound depressing but it’s the truth. Nothing is forever so we have to not take these things for granted ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ’–.

New Year’s Eve in Spain ๐ŸŽ‰โœจ๐ŸŽ†

My mother and I celebrated New Year’s Eve in Spain with the family of Verรณnica. We had a nice time with the brother and her mother. We ate some delicious meat like chorizo, jamรณn serrano. There was also bread and different sauces like avocado and cheese sauce. We also drank some champagne which I don’t like that much. I loved the Spanish cookies more. Afterwards, me and the brother of Verรณnica played Mario Kart Deluxe and Super Mario with the Nintendo Switch ๐ŸŽฎ. I really loved it so much and I got nostalgic from the times I played it when I was little. Those were one of my favourites games. My favourite game ever was Super Mario 64 with the different worlds and rooms. Such an awesome game. Also The Sims is amazing.

Stationery shopping ๐Ÿ›’

I went stationery shopping with my mother earlier in December. Action is my favourite shop in Holland. It’s cheap and has so many nice stationery. I bought some foam stickers. I love those stickers because they are bold and have an amazing design. The design is made for a hippie girl like me with lovely feathers, dreamcatchers, beautiful colours and quotes. I also love the sticker sheets I bought which contains 28 sheets full of stickers with a mermaid design ๐ŸŒŠ๐Ÿงœโ€โ™€๏ธ. It’s so beautiful. Anything with a sea theme is always made for me. You could also use these stickers for bullet journals. For the rest I also bought some nice rhinestones. They look like pearls. I also love the gluemarkers which I bought but I still didn’t have use them. I hope it works. You could put some glue on a paper, then add glitter and it would be amazing to decorate cards for my pen pals with it.

Awesome things I did with my lovely friends ๐Ÿ’ž:

Christmas market in Haarlem ๐ŸŽ„

I went to the Christmas market in Haarlem with my best friend and her girlfriend. We had such a good time. I always love to go because these Christmas markets are really special in The Netherlands and in Germany too. I love to drink hot chocolate or gluhwein โ˜•. This time I didn’t drink anything. I only bought something to make hot chocolate with. We made some nice pictures with the Christmas tree and enjoyed the beautiful lights โœจ. All the things which are sold on this market are handmade which I love so much.

Winning the book (Un)limited by the mind by A.O.Ewen ๐Ÿฅ‡๐Ÿ“–

My lovely friend Andrew from Instagram always write such beautiful poetry. He wrote a book and I took part of the giveaway. I never win something from Instagram so this was really a big surprise. I was so happy to have won this book because it’s beautiful ๐Ÿ˜. I still have to finish it reading. I already read some poems and I loved it. I love his honesty and vulnerability. It’s a collection of his poetry about experiences with mental health. He suffers from anxiety and ocd. I can relate so much to his poems and feel less alone when I read it. It’s good that he wrote about the light and the darkness because that makes me feel hopeful that things always can change for the better. I wish also to write a book one day because it’s one of my dreams. Thank you Andrew for your Christmas card too and for our friendship. I also love what you wrote in the inside for me. I love you very much. I will always support you! ๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ™

Receiving Christmas cards and presents from my lovely friends ๐ŸŽ„๐ŸŽ

I’m so happy with all the Christmas cards I got from my friends online and in real life. I love my blogging friends, my pen pals and family so much. I love to receive handwritten letters and Christmas cards so much. I also loved the Christmas presents I got from my pen pal Vikki which was a unicorn garden suncatcher and some cute key rings. I also loved the presents I got from Sophia so much. I loved the handmade jewelry, the nail polish ๐Ÿ’… (I used it for Christmas time yeahhh) and the turqoise wallet is beautiful. Also a big thanks to my lovely blogging friend Elsie for her beautiful presents. I loved the golden journal! I can use that to write some blogging ideas inside. I also love the cute pen and sweets. I’m so thankful for your friendship. Love you all! ๐Ÿ’ž

Other amazing things of this month ๐Ÿ’–:

Winner of The Goddess Collective Scholarship ๐Ÿ†

This year I joined again the Self Love Advent Challenge by Melissa Wells. She’s a bestselling Hay House Author, Worldwide Speaker, and the UKโ€™s leading Eating Psychology Coach and Self Love Expert, dedicated to helping you completely transform the relationship you have with yourself, your body and your food. I really like her community and her challenges so much. Every day until Christmas I posted something on Instagram and on her Facebook group for this challenge. One day it was about treating ourselves, another day it was doing self care and more. I’m happy to announce that for the first time I won something from participating in this challenge. OMGGGG asdfghjkl I won an amazing prize ๐Ÿ†. I won The Goddess Collective Scholarschip which is such a big prize. It has the value of more than โ‚ฌ550 for a year. This was definitely the best Christmas present ever ๐ŸŽ„๐ŸŽ. 

I’m so happy to form part of this beautiful community with all amazing goddesses โœจ๐Ÿ’— I will learn so much about goal and intention setting. There are also workshops about creativity, managing anxiety, female friendships, menstrual magic, finding your purpose, starting a business and so much more. There will also be moonology ๐ŸŒœ๐ŸŒ› readings and a book area ๐Ÿ“–. This is just everything what I need right now in my life. It will help me so much with everything. I really can’t wait to get started and really begin to improve my life, dive into the magic of the universe and follow my dreams. I also hope to meet all other goddesses and go on a retreat one day. I’m so blessed to have this opportunity. Thank you Melissa for being such an inspiration to do so much good in this world. Thank you for this beautiful community. We are all loved and not alone ๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ™ Love you all! ๐Ÿ˜˜

New books ๐Ÿ“š

I bought two new books which are Looking for Alaska by John Green and The Places I’ve cried in public by Holly Bourne. I’ve heard always so many good reviews about Looking for Alaska so I’m happy to finally been reading this book. John green is an amazing writer. My other favourite writer is Holly Bourne and I couldn’t wait to buy her new book. I still have to read so many books of her. This book is about Amelie who loved Reese. And she thought he loved her. But sheโ€™s starting to realise love isnโ€™t supposed to hurt like this. So now sheโ€™s retracing their story and untangling what happened by revisiting all the places he made her cry. Maybe she can get over him if that way. I think it will be an interesting and heartbreaking story. I can’t wait to read it!

Enjoying a relaxing bath with Lush bath bomb ๐Ÿ›€

I enjoyed a nice bath with an awesome Lush bath bomb. It was called Goddess which reminds me of the song God is a woman from Ariana Grande. The bath bomb is heavenly scent, jasmine absolute seduces you into lilac and silver waters, while the darkness of oudh and the richness of sandalwood keep you there, lingering a little longer. Lila is my favourite colour and I love glitter so it was just a perfect bath time โœจ๐Ÿ’–.

Thank you all for reading this blog post. I hope you all enjoyed reading about my favourites of December 2019. Byebye 2019 haha. What were your favourites from my post? Did you have a nice Christmas time with your family? Have you read any of the books I bought? Let me know lovelies. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

Much love ๐Ÿ’•,

xoxo Christina

I faced my fear of going to the dentist for my wisdom teeth removal ๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿฆท

Hola lovelies ๐Ÿ’ž,

This blog post is going to be so important for me because I have had this fear for three years almost and kept postponing it. This blog post is about my wisdom teeth removal which happened today ๐Ÿฆท. While my mother is sleeping and I’m resting in bad I’m writing this blog post. I’m also crying because I feel so relieved. I’m so proud of myself.

So today I faced one of my biggest fears in life which is going to the dentist to get my wisdom teeth out ๐Ÿฆท. One of them is out now. Still three to go but at least this is done. Gotta love Spanish dentists who understand my anxiety and who are just so lovely. Also never mind my face is big because of the anesthesia. You can see that on the picture below. I basically had no choice to go today because I don’t want anyone forcing me in Holland. It’s more expensive there and they also do it in the hospital. I find hospitals even more scary ๐Ÿ˜ข. It reminds me when my dad was there and almost died.

I got a trauma from going to the dentist for a root canal treatment in The Netherlands because I got called childish and 15 years old. That resulted in me having a panic attack. That’s not a good way to treat your patients. I know they are not all like that but that experience just made me soooo anxious. There are good and bad dentists and doctors everywhere. You just have to find the right one. Finding one you can trust is so important ๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿคž It really makes you more calm which is exactly what I need. That’s the most important thing.

I was so anxious the past days. I couldn’t sleep well last night and kept feeling anxious and nauseous. Today I woke up crying and really didn’t want to go but I know I had to. It’s bad when a fear is keeping you from living your life for so long. It’s been three years and it’s a miracle that I didn’t have any infections just yet. My mother said today that they changed the appointment to 4 o’clock in the afternoon instead of 7 o’clock in the afternoon. In fact it was much better because I always wake up so late so it would make me have less time worrying, crying and being anxious. I almost didn’t eat because I didn’t want to vomit because of anxiety. I drank water, some cookies and that’s it. I also took half of Valium ๐Ÿ’Š.

I’m SO happy I went here in Spain. They are understanding and know how to deal with people who have anxiety. I took anti anxiety meds before. When I arrived at the clinic today they gave me a tila which is a Spanish tea to calm you down ๐Ÿต. I was like wow what a service thank you so much. Then they said the dentist wasn’t still there haha he was eating, lol typical Spanish times ๐Ÿ˜‚ Then it was time for me to do it. I almost didn’t felt the anesthesia. I remember from Holland that I felt it. They also give me something to squeeze haha a little shark ๐Ÿฆˆ . They calmed me down with some breathing exercises like breathing slowly. This definitely helps so much. I tasted something like pepermint which was nice. I closed my eyes too which was better they said. It was the dentist and a woman who helped him. They were both so friendly.

Then they said I would feel like a bee ๐Ÿ was pricking me but I almost felt nothing. That was done and then the dentist took the teeth away. My head was going left lol so I had to change my position and said sorry they were like no it’s okay. I’m always so used to say sorry for everything. I didn’t feel anything only that it took some strength to get that fucking wisdom teeth gone ๐Ÿ˜‚ That teeth was being mean haha but at the end the dentist won yeahhhh ๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿคฃ Lucky man ๐Ÿ€ I saw it and he told me if I want to bring it home lol I said no way. Some people want to save it.

I didn’t even noticed the anesthesia at all. It was so smoothly all. In less than 15 minutes it was all down. I didn’t want that ๐Ÿฆท teeth so they threw it away ๐Ÿคฃ. I told them I love them very much and they said the same to me ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜ญ. They said I was being really brave. Those words meant so much I could cry there. The dentist is also very handsome haha. That’s just a big plus ๐Ÿ’–. I’m not falling in love or am I lol cray cray ๐Ÿ˜‚. I would love to meet one day someone who would love me the way my dentist treated me today. I just want people in my life who treat me with kindness, compassion and understanding. I don’t ask for much more.

I have to go again next week to know if everything is okay and to know that I have no infections. I know it isn’t fun going to the dentist but maybe this experience will somehow also make me overcome this fear of the dentist. I feel like this is a learning like Yoga Girl would say. This is much more than just a wisdom teeth removal. This experience made me believe again in the good in people. I think in some way the universe is giving me all these experiences with good people to cover up all the bad experiences in the past like being bullied and having a broken heart.

Now, I got prescribed antibiotics, ibuprofen for pain and another medicine for darmflora because antibiotics can also have some side effects. I hope I won’t have too much pain and these meds will help ๐Ÿ™. I’m not a person who takes a lot of antibiotics. In The Netherlands they would not give you antibiotics. I also thought it’s strange to take that before I have an infection but it’s better. The health care system in Spain is really good and I love their professionality. I also love that it feels like you are talking with a friend lol ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ’– I wouldn’t say in Holland that I love them so much. There you give the doctors a hand. Here my mother gave him two kisses wishing them happy new year ๐Ÿ˜‚๐ŸŽ‰. I think that also helps to decrease anxiety. I don’t like people being so serious. Life is already hard enough. We need more fun and laughs.

I don’t have to spit for a day and the meds I should take

Maybe this isn’t a big deal for some people but for me it is. I want to be real about my struggles in life online and in real life. I have been with this fear for so many years that I really feel a weight is off my shoulders. I know I’m not done with it but at least one ๐Ÿฆท is out byebye. I still have to get rid of three. Little by little they will be gone. This definitely increased my confidence. I’m so proud of myself. Anxiety didn’t win today. I won today ๐Ÿ’ช I called my daddy and he was really happy I went. I know my family wants best for us. He doesn’t want that I have an infection. Everything is well. I know my anxiety tells me so many stuff which isn’t true. At the end, this fear was worse than the thing itself. It’s always the same but that’s anxiety. I thought even that I was going to die or have a panic attack but nothing happened.

I’m thankful that there exists people who are human, understanding and have compassion because that’s really what this world needs ๐ŸŒ. We need more kind people. Kindness is never a weakness but a strength. I’m not afraid anymore to show my sensitivity because it’s makes me human. I know that there always will be good people ๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–

I’m also so thankful for all the people who have always been there for me, my good friends, my family, all the people I met online like my lovely bloggers, pen pals, people from The Yoga Girl Community and The Goddess community. I couldn’t have done this without all of you. Thank you for your endless support. We can achieve anything we want with the help of others. We are never alone ๐Ÿ’– I’m so blessed to have you all in my life. We are all in this together ๐Ÿ’ช

Thank you all for reading this blog post. Do you also have a fear which you keep postponing? Do you also had to get rid of a wisdom teeth? What do think of my story? Let me know lovelies. I will speak to you all soon in my next blog post.

Much love ๐Ÿ’•,

xoxo Christina

Reflection on 2019 & happy new year to you all! โœจ๐ŸŽ‰๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’ซ๐Ÿฅณ๐Ÿค—

Hola lovelies ๐Ÿ’•,

I’m doing a bit better than when I wrote my last blog. However, I’m having a cold now and my period is coming soon so always something bad. In this blog post I will make a short reflection on 2019. I will write about some low and highs of this year which I also wrote in a journal. Every year has good and bad things. I also wish you all a beautiful new year! ๐Ÿฅณ๐ŸŽ‰๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ’– May all your wildest and biggest dreams come true!

A new year has arrived: 2020. A new decade too. I’m happy to leave this decade because it came with good things but also with bad things. In this decade I met my first love and also got my heart broken at the end of 2012. I’m already 7 years single haha let’s keep up that way ๐Ÿ˜‚. I also experienced beautiful things this decade like graduating college ๐ŸŽ“ and speaking at the United Nations in NYC ๐Ÿ—ฝ because I won an essay competition in Spanish. This happened in the Summer of 2015. I think this was definitely one of the biggest milestones this decade. I guess we can all relate to good and bad moments during this decade. I just really wish 2020 will be a better year for all of us ๐Ÿ™. I hope we will experience beautiful things. I also hope we will survive and grow from the bad things.

My speech about ending hunger in the world at The United Nations ๐Ÿ—ฝ the 24th of July 2015

This year I learned some important life lessons which I will take with me in 2020. I learned that sometimes we can feel more connected to people we have never met than to the ones who are next to us. I love you all so much. You all mean the world to me. I learned that a real friend will be there for you in good and bad times. I learned that life has lows and highs and that most people only share the highs on social media. I learned that it’s good to spend less time online because I only compare myself to others online which makes my mental health worse. It isn’t real life. I also am learning to sit with every emotion whether that’s a negative one such as fear or anger. We have to feel it all, go through it until we can let go. It’s hard because when I feel anxious I just want that feeling to go away as soon as possible as it makes me feel so unwell. I just hope to know how to live with anxiety this next year.

This new year my intention is to listen more to my inner voice and let my heart guide me through life instead of my mind. 2020 will be the year of self love, growth and achieving my dreams. I will use the power that I have of being my authentic and sensitive self. I hope I will be able to get a job I love and which is good for my mental health. I also hope to meet more people I have met on the internet because I align so good with you all. My intention is to feel peace and know how to go through the waves of anxiety. I know I have to overcome some fears such as going to the dentist. Anxiety just doesn’t disappear because it’s the new year. I listened to the podcast of Yoga Girl and did the intention setting ceremony. I think setting intentions is much better than resolutions. Mostly we don’t achieve all resolutions we set for ourselves or it gives us too much pressure.

In 2019 I experienced a lot of amazing things like travelling to new places like Leรณn in March with my mother. I also went to Granada again in July with my lovely mother and met my friend there. In August I went to Gijรณn with my Spanish friend. I want to travel more with friends and also go to a surf camp again this new year ๐ŸŒŠ๐ŸŒž๐Ÿ„โ€โ™€๏ธ. This year I went to the beautiful tulip fields in The Netherlands ๐Ÿ˜๐ŸŒทThis year I also read more amazing books. To love and let go by Yoga Girl changed my life and I’m forever thankful for that. It was spiritual and beautiful. I will share a review about this book soon. This new year I will keep reading, writing, singing, travelling and doing all things I love. This year I also went to the concert of Alfred Garcia which I loved. Next year I really do hope to go to more concerts like the one of Taylor Swift. I’m dying to see her live as it’s my dream ๐Ÿ˜๐ŸŽถ I also hope to see Yoga Girl one day. I also hope to get tickets for Eurovision live.

Tulip fields in The Netherlands ๐Ÿ‡ณ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐ŸŒท๐Ÿ˜

Travelling to Leรณn with mama ๐Ÿ˜

Travelling with my Spanish friend to Gijรณn ๐Ÿ’–๐ŸŒž๐ŸŒŠ๐Ÿ„โ€โ™€๏ธ

Awesome trip to Granada with my mother in July ๐Ÿ˜๐ŸŒž

I also faced a fear this year which was having a first interview for an internship in a hotel ๐Ÿฉ in Spain. At the end they didn’t call me back but I went there and did my best. I hate interviews so it’s a good thing that I did well even though my heart was beating so fast I thought I was going to die ๐Ÿ˜ญ.

An important event this year was The Netherlands ๐Ÿ‡ณ๐Ÿ‡ฑ winning Eurovision after 44 years ๐ŸŽ‰๐Ÿฅ‡๐ŸŽถ This was one of the most beautiful moments of my life. It was a dream coming dream. I’m being a fan of Eurovision all my life so to see this happening was just so amazing and beautiful. I can’t wait to go to the concert of Duncan Laurence soon.

I want to give thanks to my family, friends and all the people I met this year. I’m so happy I met more amazing people. I’m thankful for my pen pals which I met this year. I’m thankful for the Goddess community, the Yoga Girl Community and this community. This mental health community is so important for my well-being. You make my life so much better. It’s so much better to know that I’m not alone with my feelings. We all feel the same things just not at the same time. It’s okay if you have had a hard year. I’m always here for you all. I hope this new year will make our heart glow of golden glitter โœจ.

I celebrated New Year’s Eve with my mother at the home of the mother of Verรณnica and her brother. It was strange to be there without my brother and Vรฉronica. They couldn’t be in Valladolid this time. We ate a delicious meal which was some meat, potatoes and bread with avocado and cheese sauce. I loved the chorizo and jamรณn serrano too which is typical Spanish food. In Spain it’s also typical to eat 12 grapes at twelve o’clock so we did that. I love to watch las campanadas ๐Ÿ‡๐Ÿ˜. We also drank some champagne ๐Ÿฅ‚ We watched a program on tv which I love because it’s about Spanish artists singing. I love singing programs ๐ŸŽถ. Later I also played Mario Kart Deluxe and Mario Bros with the Nintendo Switch from the brother of Verรณnica. I really loved it so much and was pretty good at it. I was bad at Just Dance haha ๐ŸŽฎ๐Ÿ˜‚ On New Year’s Day I was chilling, resting and watching the movie Notting Hill.

Happy new year my lovely friends! ๐ŸŽ‰ ๐Ÿ’–โœจ I believe in the good things coming and hopefully it will be in abundance this new year. We all deserve it so much. I wish you all love, health and happiness โœจ I love you all so much ๐Ÿ’ž. Thank you for being there for me always. We are always in this together ๐Ÿ’ช

Thank you all for reading this blog post, the first one of the new year yeahhhh โœจ I hope you all liked it. How are you feeling about this new year? What is an intention you have set for yourself this new year? How did you celebrate new year’s eve? Let me know lovelies. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

Much love ๐Ÿ’•,

xoxo Christina

I’m so done people making choices for me

Hey lovelies ๐Ÿ’•,

I prepared another blog post but I think it has to wait. I really need to share my feelings and thoughts and I can only do it here in my safe space ๐Ÿ™. I’m in Spain right now and again I feel so bad. It feels like every time I’m in Spain now I get a mental breakdown ๐Ÿ˜ข. It’s horrible because it’s my fav place ever and I’m always so happy to be here. It’s heartbreaking that I’m again so sad, so anxious and so angry. I don’t want to feel bad in Spain again. I will tell you all about it in this blog post. It’s about people making choices for me. I’m sorry if this post is depressing but it’s just how I’m feeling. It’s also always when I feel the worst that I can speak the truth out loud in an authentic and vulnerable way. Maybe it will help others too who are feeling the same way. At the end, we all feel the same things just at different times. The picture below is me crying so hard. I just want to be really honest about that. Maybe it’s a cry of help but it just feels good to share on here.

The flight went well except that we had to walk so much because our luggage was in a different terminal. I’m exhausted from the trip to be honest. We ate some delicious pasta from the airplane, a bread with jamรณn serrano and I ate some delicious ๐Ÿ˜‹ yoghurt ice cream with smarties. We took the train to our home from Madrid. The bad stuff began when we talked with my family in The Netherlands.

I had an appointment for going to the dentist a few days ago in the afternoon and my mother in the morning for control. My family didn’t forget that and my mother said I wasn’t going that day but another day. I’m really exhausted. Then my family said well if you don’t go and come back to Holland then I will make an appointment to go there in the hospital. In Holland you can’t just go to a clinic or private thing because they aren’t specialized with getting wisdom teeth out. It cost more and you have to go to the hospital ๐Ÿฅ. The hospital makes me even more scared.

I said okay and we hang up. It was then when I felt so angry, anxious and sad. I can still feel my heart beating so fast ๐Ÿ˜ข๐Ÿ˜” I told my mother the most horrible things like I want to be dead. I wanted to run away and never come back. I slammed the doors so hard. Thank God nothing broke. I still feel bad. It’s not only the dentist thing which triggers me. It’s always people making decisions and choices for me in my life. Saying when I have to go to the dentist. Having to do things I don’t want to. I often do it because I’m a people pleaser. It’s not good. I’m so done with it. I’m always anxious of people being angry at me.

I don’t have the energy anymore. I really don’t. Yes of course I know I have to go to the dentist but just when I feel ready for it which is of course never because it’s a real phobia. I’m waiting for an infection silly me…. ๐Ÿ˜ข. I know our family wants the best for us but not in a good way sometimes. You can’t just force someone. I just would like to feel that sense of having some control over my life. Now I feel that others control my life. I feel obligated to go. It isn’t healthy for me that lack of control over my own life. It’s draining me.

Also clearly some people doesn’t understand my anxiety or any other mental illnesses. It’s so hard to feel so many feelings when someone just don’t understand you. I now I have to calm down but I feel like I don’t want to speak to anyone anymore. I don’t want to see anyone. How can I live my own life when I still feel others have so much influence on me? A few years ago I went to a mental health worker for anxiety and she told me that some people have too much influence on me. I really do love them all but I think she’s right because I just feel like I can’t make my own decisions which at the end makes me so unhappy and anxious in life. It’s important to be able to make your own decisions and live life the way you want.

I know I really have to go to the dentist but it’s just a big phobia I have. I don’t know how to overcome it. At the end all worries are in our mind and it’s nothing like I expect it. Then some people will say you see, you were afraid of nothing. Well, yes but that’s because I suffer from anxiety. That’s also the reason I don’t know if therapy would work for me because my family isn’t in favor of that. I also don’t know if that would benefit me. I just know that after 26 years living on this earth ๐ŸŒŽ it’s time for me to make decisions on my own.

Maybe, I also overreact now much more because I’m so exhausted and didn’t sleep well and enough last night. I also feel so lonely lately. I feel like some friends don’t understand me as well and ignore me. I get angry so easily. I’m not doing okay again and it hurts. I don’t want to see people who don’t care about me. I feel also like I’m hurting my mom which is the one I love the most in this life. It breaks my heart to see her suffering because of me ๐Ÿ’”๐Ÿ˜ข. I don’t want to die of course but I also don’t want to feel like this and live life this way because it hurts me.

Thank you for reading this post. I hope it made any sense. Sorry for the rant. I don’t even know why I’m always apologizing for feeling my feelings. I’m here for you all too โค๏ธ What do you think of all of this? Any advice? Do you also feel like others decide decisions for you in your life? I would really appreciate any thoughts, messages or advice ๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ™.

Love you all so much ๐Ÿ’ž,

xoxo Christina

Merry Christmas to all of you! ๐ŸŽ„๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’ƒ๐ŸŒŸโœจ๐ŸŽ…

HO HO HO lovelies ๐Ÿ’ž,

In this blog post I will share some pictures of my Christmas, some thoughts about Christmas and wish you all a Merry Christmas ๐ŸŽ„. I’m still feeling a bit bad. Sometimes I have some cramps or pain in the right side of my stomach. I’m thinking that maybe it could be ovulation pain. My parents thought the same. I hope to feel better soon. At least I have less headaches and my throat is doing better again too. I also have had some problems with my blog as my posts don’t show up in the public reader when you search some tags. I don’t know why. Hopefully, anyone can help me out with this. I would really appreciate that. I was also packing before Christmas to go to Spain this weekend to be able to enjoy Christmas without stressing about that ๐Ÿ˜‚.

Now, let’s talk about Christmas time again. We can get pressured around this time of the year because we are bombarded with positive messages of being happy and of having to enjoy Christmas. While I’m a bit struggling with my health I find it difficult to just be happy because I have to do. I think that’s an unrealistic thought. We have to enjoy Christmas on our way. Do what you love to do. Spend time with your loves ones. Eat what you want to eat and don’t feel any pressure by it. I’m here for anyone who needs it ๐Ÿ’ž๐Ÿ™. It’s okay if your Christmas isn’t happy or if you are struggling. I’m here for you and wish you all the love you need. You are not alone.

This time of the year always makes us reflect on this past year. It make us think of all the people we love. It can make us feel sad and happy. This time of the year can be a hard time for those who are missing someone. I’m thinking of those who are struggling these days with their mental health, physical health or any other struggle of life. You are in my prayers ๐Ÿ™โœจ .

I also really do think that Christmas is about giving and don’t like the consumism and materalism stuff ๐ŸŽ. We don’t have much presents with Christmas because we already celebrated Sinterklaas before. I got amazing presents which you can read in this blog post. I always like to give money for charities and help others in need, not only during Christmas time. A few days ago I donated โ‚ฌ15 for Prinses Mรกxima Centrum which is a hospital dedicated for children with cancer in The Netherlands. I hope my money can help the investigation to make more children better. I also know a little child who has leucemia and is being treated there. She’s a little child, only 6 years old. I know them because of my choir. I wish that she and every little child can get better. They all deserve that so much. I think it’s so important to donate money to good charities and help people in need.

I encourage anyone to give something back this Christmas and whenever you can. Christmas isn’t all about presents, food and all that materialistic stuff. Christmas is about making other people happy and being there for people who need it the most ๐Ÿ’• Make a change and please donate to any charity you like. You will be so thankful and happy that you did. You can also help someone without giving money but give them your time, love and showing them your heart. If someone you know or a stranger is struggling, be there for them. Be the light in those dark times ๐Ÿ’ก. Everyone needs someone sometimes.

I will give this love and light this time to the ones I love and to the ones who need it. We can be each other lights. We can give that light to someone who’s struggling in the darkness. Be that light for someone in need. If that could safe someone’s life and make them feel better then that’s all what counts. There’s nothing what makes me more happier than seeing someone smile because of something I did or some words I said. I wish all of you so much happiness that your heart will glow from golden glitter.

Christmas time for me begins on the 23th of December because it’s such a special date before Christmas. It makes me cry writing and thinking about it ๐Ÿ˜ญ. It’s the wedding anniversary of my parents ๐Ÿ’’. This year they are already 43 years married. I wish them many more years of happiness, luck and love to come. I love them so much ๐Ÿ˜. They are the best parents I could wish for. Thank you mama and papa for always being there for me and for making me believe that real love exists. I’m so blessed to have them in my life. I really can’t live without their love. When I think of someone dying I cry and panic but I have to tell myself to live in the present and that everything is okay now. My daddy was so sick and almost died when I was 11 years old because of an infection in his pancreas and many complications so this universe give him a new opportunity to live. I’m so thankful for that. In the evening my parents are going to the cathedral with an old lady they know. My mother used to clean her house. I used to sing “The nine lessons and carols” but I’m not in that choir anymore. I don’t go because sometimes I get anxiety because of memories. I always use this time to enjoy a bath ๐Ÿ›€ with a Lush bath bomb and paint my nails ๐Ÿ’…. I love to get ready for Christmas and take time for myself. I need me time.

The 24th of December we always celebrate Christmas with the family but this time we celebrated it with the whole family on the 26th which is boxing day. It’s the Second Day of Christmas in The Netherlands. On Christmas Eve my brother Rafael and Verรณnica came to our house and we ate a delicious simple meal. This time my brother, his wife, me and my mother aren’t going to the cathedral but to the church near to our house for the mass. It’s really a tradition to go to church with Christmas ๐ŸŽ„โ›ช. I’m Catholic but don’t know if I believe in God but yes I believe in something, in the universe for sure. There’s a beautiful choir singing. I always feel more safe in this church as it’s more familiar. I don’t want to see all people I know asking questions about my life like when I go to the cathedral. The mass was beautiful. It always makes me feel the Christmas spirit.

I also always wear this Christmas costume like Santa Claus because I enjoy wearing it. My bestie said haha are you going to wear again that wore dress?! ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคถ Lol, it’s a bit short that’s why she said that. I never wear it outside though haha it’s way too cold for that. It makes me feel sexy and beautiful. I still can wear it so yeah I enjoy to wear it at home. My family also loves it especially my 4 year old niece. It’s a tradition for me to always wear it until I don’t fit it.

On Christmas day the 25th I enjoyed watching some Christmas movies ๐ŸŽฌ with my parents. Maybe my mother and I would go to the appartment of my brother to see their Christmas tree. The next day, on Boxing Day we celebrated Christmas with the whole family which means with my parents, my two brothers and their wifes and my little niece. We ate a delicious meal which was some meat, potatoes with different sauces and salad. As dessert we had fruits, red fruit mascarpone ice cream ๐Ÿจ and also blackberry juice which my father makes. I loved that so much as it’s very special and so sweet ๐Ÿ˜. His mother also made it when she was alive so the tradition continues. We had such a nice and peaceful time together.

I had a beautiful Christmas time. I also want to say thanks to the mother of my ex lol because we always sent present to her and she to us. It’s already 7 years ago when he broke up with me during Christmas time but I’m finally these last years a bit happy with Christmas and don’t feel that dark cloud so much because of that horrible memory when I felt my world breaking in pieces ๐Ÿ’”. I’m thankful for her beautiful presents which will arrive a week later. I’m also thankful for all the Christmas cards I got from pen pals, blogging friends, friends and family ๐Ÿ’–. I feel all your love. I’m also thankful for the presents I got from Elsie. I loved your presents so much. She sent me this beautiful notebook and the presents you can see below. Thank you Sophia for your amazing presents too. I loved the nail polish as I really need some new ones as most of them are dry haha. I also loved the plate and the wallet. Turqouise is such a beautiful colour. I’m really blessed to be friends with you all. From my brother and his wife I got snowman marshmallows ๐Ÿ˜โ›„ I love to put them in a cup of hot chocolate. It’s delicious ๐Ÿ˜‹

I hope you all will enjoy a beautiful Christmas with the ones you love ๐Ÿ’–. Merry Christmas to all of you! I wish you all love, happiness and luck. I’m so blessed to be part of this beautiful community. I think that’s the best Christmas present I could wish for. Be safe lovelies and enjoy Christmas time on your own way.

Thank you for reading this blog post about Christmas time ๐ŸŽ„๐ŸŽ…โœจ. I hope you all liked it. How do you celebrate Christmas? Did you enjoy it? What are some traditions you do on Christmas? Let me know lovelies. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

I love you all so much ๐Ÿ’ž,

xoxo Christina