World Mental Health Day 2019, you are never alone ๐ŸŒ๐Ÿ’—

Hey lovelies ๐Ÿ’•,

Today is a very important day in the world ๐ŸŒ. October the 10th is World Mental Health Day. I write about this every year as I find it so important. You can find my post of 2017 here and my post of 2018 here. I never want to write exactly the same every year because otherwise it would be borring haha. I suffer from a mental illness which is anxiety. They say 1 out of 5 people suffer from a mental illness in their lives at one point. Suicide rates are really high and statistics have shown that there are more men who die by suicide than women. This is really shocking to know. I also read it in this article of BBC news. Today I’m going to talk about mental health stigma, anxiety and mental health related to gender.

To begin with, we all have mental and physical health. Our brains work together with our whole body. Some ignorant people still forget that. When I feel anxious I begin to have negative thoughts about life and death. I feel like I can’t move on in life. Right now, I’m again struggling with my mental health. I also think it’s because of the change from Summer to the Winter months. I never deal well with having less sunshine and daylight ๐Ÿ˜ญ. I can’t understand why people don’t understand that our body and mine are one and that everything is connected. So, when I begin to have unrealistic thoughts and think about all the bad things which can happen if I do a certain thing then I already begin to feel anxious. This means that I begin to feel nauseous, dizzy, feel my heart beating really fast, feel my breath becoming faster and just feel so bad. This eventually can get worse which can result in having a panic attack, totally feeling out of control and in my case also having to vomit. What I fear the most is going through that again and it just feels like I’m going to die.

We are all living in the 21th century. It’s 2019 and there are still people who feel like it’s okay to judge someone who is struggling with their mental health. I really can’t understand that. How can that be possible?! It makes me sad but most of all it makes me so angry ๐Ÿ˜ก. Life is though for everyone of us. We all deal with our own problems and struggles in life. I really do believe life is even thougher for someone going with a mental illness. The mind plays with us which makes it dangerous. How can someone say to one who is dealing with an eating disorder that they just have to eat a bit more or eat less? Why do people say to someone who is going through anxiety to just be happy and stop worrying? How they hell can people say to just go out of bed when someone is struggling with a severe depression? YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT ๐Ÿ™„. Some people don’t know what it’s like to go through a mental illness because they have never gone through it but there are also some other people who just want to hurt others with their hurtful comments.

I just had to say this because I’m done with these comments. I’m done hearing from a “friend” say to me that I don’t try hard enough to get a job and move on in life. I’m done with hearing I’m lazy because I sleep a lot. I’m done hearing to snap out of it because I just can’t. Having a mental illness is a complex and difficult think to have and for others to understand. I don’t even understand my brain so how can someone help me when I can’t explain it either. If I could snap out of it all then I would already have done it. Give me that magic bottle of that witch ๐Ÿง™โ€โ™€๏ธ๐Ÿ”ฎ and I will drink it all. WHOEHOEEE NO ANXIETY ANYMORE I’M SO HAPPY. Well, unfortunately it doesn’t work that way. I really wish it would be that simple. I’m not going to therapy and still don’t know if I will go one day. I already said a few posts ago that I went to a woman who wasn’t a real psychologist a few years ago and had to vomit every time I had to go. I told it to her and she said it could be that I just don’t want to let myself seen. It’s really true. I hide myself all the time. I always avoid everything I fear and everything what makes me uncomfortable such as going to the dentist and other social situations. I also don’t know if therapy would really work for me. I don’t know if I will ever be free of anxiety. If I talk about anxiety, I get anxious. For me, what would be helpful is talking about the things I struggle with while taking action. Solving problems and thoughtful thinking.

Therapy isn’t for everyone as well as medication isn’t good for everyone. Natural medication doesn’t help my anxiety as I have tried lots of stuff such as St. John’s Wort and Valerian Root. I also took for two years a low dose of antidepressants just 20mg and it didn’t work as I think it was too less. What works for me is an anti anxiety medication such as Valium or Bromazepam. I only take this when I feel high anxiety or when I’m close to a panic attack. I know it isn’t good to take it often but sometimes you just need it. Taking medication for a physical health illness is okay so why would it be shameful to take something for our mental illness? Our mental health is as important as our physical health.

What for me also helps in dealing with anxiety is doing the things which makes me happy to be alive such as my passions. I love loads of things. As Taylor Swift says, we are the things we love ๐Ÿ’—. I love writing, reading good books ๐Ÿ“š, blogging (of course lol!), singing ๐ŸŽถ, surfing ๐Ÿ„โ€โ™€๏ธ, listening to music, swimming in the sea, having fun with my friends and family, photography and travelling. What I also love is following people like on this blog or on Instagram who make me feel good about myself and who inspire me. I love to follow artists such as Ariana Grande, Julia Michaels, Talor Swift, Duncan Laurence, Aitana, Alfred Garcรญa, Rosalรญa, Amaia, Sofia Ellar, Alvaro Soler, Ed Sheeran, Passenger and many more who make me happy and who align with my being โœจ. I also love Yoga Girl her postcasts so much and everything she does for this world. She’s my biggest inspiration in life ๐Ÿ˜. I really am so happy to have these people in my life as they make me so happy. I wish to meet them all (I met some of them) and enjoy their concerts live.

I really do believe that having a community such as the blogging community, Yoga Girl community or pen pal community makes our life better. Being surrounded by people who make us feel good about ourselves is so important as it can make us feel less alone. It makes us feel that we belong somewhere and that everything we feel is real and valid ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ’—. I love to be honest, vulnerable and sensitive. I really do believe that the only way we can heal our hearts is with opening our hearts and share all the ugly and beautiful things in life. We heal the world with healing ourselves first. All my friends in real life or online, my family or the people I follow on social media are honest about themselves. I only crave real connections in life. I’m done with all those fake people with their fake bodies and lives. That only makes me feel worse especially when I feel anxious.

What I would like to see in the upcoming year and all the years which have to come is that we all can talk openly about our mental health and mental illnesses. I would like people to be more compassionate and show empathy. We need that in order to speak up. When you see someone struggling, be there for that person. Sometimes we need advice but sometimes all we need is someone who says that they will be there for us and give us a hug. It’s the little things which count. I also would like that society treats women and men equally in this subject of mental health. Men are not less a man because they show their emotions or because they have to cry. Women are not crazy for showing their emotions or for being more emotional. We all show our emotions in our own ways and are equal. Hopefully then the rates of suicide will be less.

I also do believe we all need the help we deserve. Going through a mental illness can happen to anyone. It doesn’t matter how old you are, what your nationality is or what gender you have. It can effect anyone of us at any moment in our lives. There needs to be better treatment available which makes asking for helping easier. The waiting lists has to change, people need to get good help after being in crisis, and just a lot of other things need to change in this system so that it can be available for everyone. People with a low income or those who are unemployed also have to get the help they need. It breaks my heart to see how in some countries there are people struggling with their mental health with no help at all ๐Ÿ’”๐Ÿ˜ข.

Always remember that you are loved and that you are not alone in this. Every day is world mental health day. Let’s stay together to end this taboo of mental health stigma. We arenโ€™t crazy in our minds. We are sick. We all need help, support and compassion. To raise awareness about world mental health day you can donate money to a mental health organization, you can draw a circle on your hand with the hastag #iamwhole or wear something yellow with the hastag #helloyellow and post it on social media. Let’s do this all together ๐Ÿ’ชโค๏ธ

Thank you all for reading this important blog post. Thank you for always being there for me like I will always be there for you all too. We are all in this together. Which mental illness do you suffer from? What helps you to feel better? What do you think of the mental health stigma? What do you think has to improve in the mental health system? Let me know lovelies. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

I love you all so much ๐Ÿ’•,

xoxo Christina

World Suicide Prevention Day ๐Ÿ•ฏ๏ธ๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ™

Hey lovelies ๐Ÿ’•,

I wrote this for World Suicide Prevention Day and shared it on Instagram but never here. It was 10 September but it’s never too late to share it here too. September is also Suicide Prevention Month. It’s an important topic that has to be spoken about. Also as I consider myself a menta health blogger and advocate I keep on writing about this topic. I also suffer from anxiety as you know by now so writing about it makes me feel less alone. We can be there for each other. We have to be vulnerable, honest and help each other. Only then can we all heal in this world ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ’•โœจ.

Today is an important day because it’s World Suicide Prevention Day. This has to be important every day, not only just today. There are two important projects/organizations which help people in need with the prevention of suicide which are TWLOHA and the Proyect Semicolon. It’s important that organizations and also NGO’s help all the people in need. There still has to be a lot of improvement in the help we all need. Waiting lists are way too long, help is not always available in the right time and also the treatment is not being right sometimes. So there still need to change a lot in the mental health sector to be better accessible for everyone in need ๐Ÿ’—.

Suicide is still one of the main causes of death in this world. More than 800.000 people die each year by suicide. That’s one person every 40 seconds. Women tend to have more suicidal thoughts whereas there are more men who die by suicide. Men are more silence about their struggles than women. I believe in equality so everyone has the right to speak up about their emotions or feelings regardless their gender. Speaking up is a sign of strength and is not a weakness. Crying is also not a weakness. We all cry. Sometimes we hold so much in us that at the end we fell apart. That means that you have been strong for way too long. It’s okay to fall apart as we find ourselves back with breaking apart and letting ourselves go. Let it all go โœจ.

I think a person who has a mental illness can have suicidal thoughts. It’s more easier for them as they are already struggling with their mental health. I suffer from anxiety myself and also have these thoughts sometimes. I know that I will not act on it so I feel like my struggles don’t even matter. You have to know that no problem is worse than any other problem, how little or big it. We all matter and what we feel is real. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. I just wish we would treat every mental illness with respect, compassion and understanding. Everyone deserve help and every experience is valid. Not because someone has it worse than you means that your feelings and thoughts don’t count.

I’m blessed for all the beautiful and amazing people I know in my life, online and in real life. Thank you for the friends and family who are always there for me โค๏ธ . I will also be there for anyone in this world who need to speak up about it. I still feel like I can speak about it easier online or with people who really understand me. It’s still somehow a taboo and this needs to end. The only way to help each other is to be able to speak up about our struggles in our mental health. We all have physical and mental health. We can all suffer from it and can suffer from a mental illness. It has no race, gender, sexuality or nationality.

The point is suicide is everywhere around us. We can’t close our eyes and act like we don’t see it. I really hate how people care about others when it’s too late. We have to check on our loved ones when we see the signs to be able to prevent suicide. Not all is lost if we keep raising awareness about it. Also instutions and mental health centers have to be able to help people in need whenever they need it. Nowadays I hear a lot of bad stories of how there’s only help available when it’s almost too late and also stories that doesn’t end well. You matter and your feelings are valid. When you are in crisis you need to be able to get the help you need in that moment and you deserve to have a great treatment afterwards to not fall back into crisis again. Also I think suicide prevention is very important. Workers in the mental health sector have to intervent early such as with suicide prevention. This hopefully could lead to less people dying by suicide.

I really know we can help each other and make this world a better place to live in if we all commit to it ๐ŸŒ๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ™. There needs to be help available for everyone who needs it. I hope that I can help these people in the future. I hope to be of service for those who need it. Tomorrow needs me because my purpose in life is to heal myself while helping others. Remember, you are loved. You are worth it. You are enough even if you don’t feel that all the time. You really are SO enough. The world is brighter because of YOU! We need the darkness in life to find the light at the end of it. You are never alone ๐Ÿ’—. We are all in this together ๐Ÿ’ช

Thank you all for reading this important blog post. What do you think of suicide prevention? Do you think it would help? What do you think needs to change in the mental health sector to be it accessible for everyone? Let me know lovelies. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

Much love ๐Ÿ’•,

xoxo Christina

How can we prevent bullying at schools?

Hey lovelies ๐Ÿ’•,

Thank you all for the endless support on my last blog posts and also on my instagram Sea of words blog. I’m so thankful to have this mental health and blogging community. I recently also joined the yoga community of Yoga Girl. She’s a big inspiration in my life. I’m blown away by the fact that there are so many supportive and good people out there in the world. You just have to find the right ones โค. Today’s blog post will be about how I got bullied through high school and which ways I think are important in order to prevent bullying at schools. I already shared my bullying story in January in this blog post: How being bullied in high school caused me anxiety. I would like to add some new things in this blog post.

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Trigger warning for this post โ—

October is not only the month of Halloween, Autumn, falling leaves and sweater weather. October is also the month of something really important. October is national bullying prevention/awareness month so I thought it would be important to write about this subject again. I’ve been bullied for so many years during high school and also some years before high school. Bullying is a real trauma. So many kids, teenagers and also adults suffer from this. It can happen anywhere like at schools, on the workplace etc. and everywhere on the world. The things I wrote on this picture below were some of the things the bullies said to me. I don’t want to make someone feel pity for me. I just want to let people know the truth about bullying and how much those words hurt.

Words can kill you like a knife. Words make you believe you are worthless. Words make you believe you aren’t good enough and that it would be better if you didn’t exist. Words can kill people. The bullies said a lot of other things to me than only the words you can see on the picture. The bullies also did a lot of more stuff such as pushing me in the halls of the high school, coming with groups to my locker and intimidate and laugh about me. I still find it hard to let all those things go.

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Words are so easy said. Forgetting the ugly words they’ve said to you is a lot harder. I’m still learning in letting them all go. I remember that in high school I liked the band Tokio Hotel and wore these big hippie purple jeans which you can see on the picture. I got them from the ex girlfriend of my brother. I wore those jeans to school. They were all laughing at me and were calling me a gothic. I wasn’t gothic. I just liked to wear those clothes. I also wore a lot of clothes with skeletons just because I liked it. I wouldn’t wear that right now because right now my fashion style has changed. I think it’s just important to be yourself and wear what you like and not what others may like. You will never be beautiful or enough for others. You have to feel good in your own skin.

There was also another time during my teenage years that I wore clothes and stuff from The Power Puff Girls. This was and still is my favourite show ever. I love that show so much. It holds so many great childhood memories. I still have lots of products as books, parfum and everything from them at home. Again the bullies were laughing about me and called me that I was way too childish for wearing a dress from The Power Puff Girls. I remember that I was so happy to wear that and the moment I got laughed about it I felt bad and I didn’t wear it again anymore. I felt ashamed which is just so sad ๐Ÿ˜ข. I let them win that time…

I also have always been insecure about my nose. The bullies at high school were always calling me big nose. In that time there was a Dutch website which we used to be in contact with each other. I always saw the words big nose and knew that they were writing about me. It was just open and public. It really hurted me so much to see all those negative words written about me. I’ve never done anybody harm. Why are they bullying me? Is it just because I’m the easy target and because I’m a highly sensitive person? I was thinking maybe I really do have a big nose. Maybe, there’s really something wrong about me. Why would they call me otherwise big nose all the time? Now I know that my nose is fine and my body is perfect the way it’s.

The bullies also said one day that they wanted to kill me and my family. I still can remember the horrible chats on Messenger. Every day I thought that that would be my last day at school and that it was happening today. They never hit me. They were just threathing me all the time but it definitely made me develop my anxiety disorder. Nowadays, I’m still afraid of groups of people because of these bad memories.

Those were just horrible years which I would rather forget. I’m feeling more confident than years before. However, I’m still learning to love myself and embrace myself for who I’m. I never ever want to go back to that time. In another blog post I will write about all the negative effects bullying had on me. I was already writing that blog post some time ago. Now, I would like to write about some ways in which I think we can prevent bullying.

Bullying prevention system at schools

I think it’s crucial to have a good bullying prevention system at schools. My school didn’t do enough when I was suffering from bullying. They talked with me and the bullies but afterwards they bullied me again and again. I think it’s important to handle these situations better. The teachers and the principal of the schools have to know that bullying is really serious. They have to watch for signs when they see it happening in their class rooms and take action. They need a strong policy about it.

Classes about bullying

I think it’s really important to have classes at schools where they talk about what’s bullying and how they can prevent that together with the teachers and kids. Everyone have to know the differences between teasing and really bullying someone. When they know the differences and also the consequences of bullying they hopefully will bully less. The consequences of bullying can be really dangerous as in people commiting suicide. I once read that there’s a high rate of kids commiting suicide because of bullying. We need to teach kids to be more kind to each other and to have respect to each other.

Stand up for someone who is getting bullied

I think this point is also so important. When we see someone is getting bullied, stand up and speak up for that person. I know I was afraid to stand up for myself but the moment my best friend helped me and stood up for me, was the moment I felt supported and stronger. It’s just so important to be there for that person. It can help to stop the bullies.

Get professional help when you need it

Kids, teenagers and anyone who’s being bullied have to know that there’s a a great support system and professional help available when they need it. Bullying have so many negative effects as developing many mental health illnesses as depression, anxiety and even lead to suicide. The earlier we analyse this, the better we can prevent the negative effects of bullying. Therapy, medication and whatever you need is availlable for you. I hope everyone can get the help they need because you deserve that ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ’•.

Campaigns about raising awareness of stop bullying now

Campaigns and organisations which raise awareness of bullying are so important. During the time I was at high school there wasn’t that much awareness of this. Nowadays, there is social media and there’s just much more information about it. I really hope that this will prevent bullying now and in the future more and more.

Encourage kids to speak to an adult when they are getting bullied

I know many of us feel ashamed to tell our story. There’s nothing to be ashamed about because being bullied isn’t our fault. Sometimes people bully because they are jealous of somebody or just because they feel bad themselves. It’s important that kids are speaking up about getting bullied to a trusted adult to prevent bullying getting worse. That trusted adult can be your teacher or your parent. It can help the child to ask for help and provide them support and comfort. We all want someone that will listen to our stories without feeling judged. We just want someone that will be there for us in this difficult time.

Of course, there will be many other ways to prevent bullying but I just thought about these 6 important points. I will never stop sharing my story about bullying. I think it’s just so important to raise awareness about bullying. I hope that these points will hopefully prevent bullying. I hope to be able to help others with speaking up about my story of being bullied.

Thank you all for reading this blog post. Do you think these tips in preventing bullying at schools will help? Do you have some other ways in which we can prevent bullying? Do you also got bullied? I would love to hear your thoughts and stories. Rembemer, you are not alone. You are beautiful. You are enough. Let’s be kind to each other. We are all in this together ๐Ÿ’ช

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Much love ๐ŸŒน,

xoxo Christina

World Mental Health Day; Remember, you are not alone ๐Ÿ’•

Hola sweeties ๐Ÿ˜,

Before I begin with this blog post I would like to share a short summary of the cremation of Lisa where I went last Wednesday. In case you didn’t read my last blog post here’s the link: Life is fragile. I know her from my choir. She got leucemia 8 years ago and got it back this year. She died at such a young age, only 29 years old. Me and my mother had to go one hour by bus to Lisse from Haarlem. We had to walk through a street surrounded by nature. Then we saw a woman in a car who asked us where the cremation was. She was also going and invited us for a ride which was really lovely of her. We were already near. When we arrived I saw some people from my choir and gave them a hug. It was really nice to see everyone again. They were so nice to me. The cerenomy almost looked like a catholic cremation because Lisa and her whole family are catholic.

We could see pictures and videos of Lisa. The choir sang some beautiful songs and also the brother of Lisa sang solo Ave Maria. It was so beautiful and even didn’t feel like a funeral. It was heartbreaking, emotional but also so beautiful. There were some beautiful speeches from her mother, her sister, her brother and her husband. Especially her sister and her hushband had a difficult time speaking. You could hear them crying which was so sad ๐Ÿ˜ข. I didn’t cry that much. I cried already so much at home. It felt strange because I always cry so much. I could see everyone crying. At the end of the cerenomy we had to walk near to the coffin and first I was afraid but it wasn’t so scarry. I didn’t see her dead. The coffin was closed with flowers. I was sad seeing the family in the first row all crying. Then the rest of the cremation was only for the family, friends and some choir members.

Afterwards, I saw some teachers of my primary school and they hugged me and they were all in tears. Also one lovely man of the choir talked with me and I received a message afterwards that he wanted to talk longer with me. He said that I’m always welcome to go fridays after choir repetition to see my choir even if I don’t sing in my choir anymore. I will go once because he always understand me so well. I also told him once about my anxiety and everything. He support me so much. I will always be there for the family, friends and everyone who knows Lisa. I hope she’s in a better place now ๐Ÿ™โค. My heart is with all of the people suffering from cancer or any illness.

Now, I’m going to talk about something really important too. This blog post will be about mental health. Today, October the 10th is a really important day in the world. Today it’s world mental health day. This topic is really close to my heart because as you all know I suffer from an anxiety disorder. I have had anxiety my whole life. Some days, months, years are better than others. People always told me that everyone gets nervous for an exam or for big changes in life such as moving out or getting a new job. It’s true that everyone get nervous or anxious. We all have physical and mental health. This two are not separated from each other. They’re connected to each other. Body and mind are one. I also talked about the difference between anxiety and an anxiety disorder in this blog post.

Here are some pictures of beach time ๐ŸŒŠ๐ŸŒž today in The Netherlands ๐Ÿ‡ณ๐Ÿ‡ฑ I especially bought and wear this shirt of Positive Pages to spread awareness about mental health.

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When you feel like you can’t go trough life and your mental health is affecting all aspects in your life you may have a mental illness. When I get really anxious I feel so sick as in being dizzy, nauseous, heart beating fast, crying, feeling like you are going to die, shaking, and even throw up in some cases. That aren’t just nerves. That’s an anxiety disorder. This is my life. My anxiety disorder effects every aspect of my life. Right now, I’m struggling with my dentist fear and with my fear of trying something new such as getting my first job. It makes me feel so uncomfortable that sometimes I feel like giving up ๐Ÿ˜”.

Having a mental illness is so exhausting. I’m not ashamed of sharing my story anymore especially online. In real life I still feel sometimes that I can’t open up 100% and that it’s better to not be real because people wouldn’t understand it. I learned that there will always be people who would understand me and some people won’t. It doesn’t matter. I hope with sharing my story on my blog and on Instagram to inspire other people to be open and talk about it. Spreading awareness about mental health illnesses is just so important. You can also suffer even if you don’t have a mental health illness.

Sometimes I also even felt that my anxiety disorder isn’t such a big deal as there are people who have depression, commited suicide, self harm, bipolar, borderline, ocd, eating disorders and many other mental health illnesses. I’ve learned that every illness counts. Just because someone has it worse than you doesn’t mean your struggles or illnesses don’t count. Every feeling and thought is valid because you are feeling it. You are the only one who suffers from a mental illness every day.

I think the best way to help a loved one who is going through a mental health illness is just to be there for them. Listen to them. Sometimes the best thing you can do is give them a hug and say that you’ll be there for them. Often people give the wrong advice and that doesn’t help at all. For me, knowing that my family, some good friends and my online mental health community on my blog and Instagram will be there for me in good and bad times already makes a difference in my life. I love that I can be real, vulnerable and honest here without feeling judged. I think that’s so important.

There are people who always want to give advice to people and don’t want to hurt that person with their advice but in some way it isn’t good for the person who is suffering. They would say to someone suffering from depression to go for a walk and try to be happy. They would say to me to try to think positive and don’t always think about the worst and to stop worrying. It just isn’t that simple right. I hope that every day we are breaking this taboo of mental health with speaking up about it ๐Ÿ’ช. Mental health illnesses are real and everyone who suffer from them need support and professional help. How many times did I think I was crazy in my head?! So many times. The thing is I’m not. My mind is sick, this is my story but I’m more things that just a woman with an anxiety disorder. I’m brave to share my story and inspire people. I’m honest. I’m a highly sensitive person. I’m flawed but I’m beautiful and enough. So are you ๐Ÿ’œ.

The cure for recovering from a mental health illness is different for anyone. Some try therapy, others try natural meds (in my case it didn’t work out), others take medication such as antidepressants and others try other things or a combination of therapy and medication. I tried some therapy sessions two years ago but it seem to make me even more anxious and I always threw up before I go. I still don’t know if therapy would be good for me. Maybe, I can try therapy in Spain when I hopefully found work there and live there. I’m already taking antidepressants since February 2017, almost two years. It works well but sometimes I can still feel high anxious. I also got subscriped in Spain anti anxiety medication. This really helps me to cope in situations when I feel really anxious such as going to the dentist.

The stigma of taking medication for our mental health illnesses needs to end too. Taking medication can save lives. If it’s okay to go through chemotherapy to cure cancer or to take parecatamol for our headache then it’s okay too to take medication to cure our depression or anxiety. We need this to make us feel a bit better. We don’t have the natural neurotransmitters. We need some help with it. Those aren’t magic pills but will just keep us cope with life.

The thing is there’s no magic cure for curing a mental health illness. It all takes time. Recovery is hard. I think I will have anxiety my whole life but I just find along my way things which help me cope a bit better with it within time. Therapy, medication or other ways… there’s no right way. You just need to do what feels good for you. I hope anyone reading this who is struggling right now with their mental health can get the help and support they need. Speak up and go to a professional. They can help you further. I also know how difficult it’s to speak up so if anyone sees someone struggling or acting different than you are used to, talk with them and ask them how they’re really doing. It’s so important to be able to speak about our feelings and thoughts without feeling judged.

You don’t have to talk about it with everyone. I always thought that if I said I’m doing well and it wasn’t true that I wasn’t 100% real or honest. I got some comments on my blog post a few months ago that it’s okay to not tell everyone everything. I’m always so used to be open. I’m an open book. It’s just important to be able to talk about heavy and uncomfortable stuff with people you trust. Be careful who you let in your life. I hope to not make again mistakes as in way of telling people personal things so that they can hurt me with it. Find friends who love and support you unconditionally. If you feel like you haven’t someone you can trust, remember I’ll always be there for you all ๐Ÿ™โค.

Here’s a list of things I do which makes me feel good. It really helps me with living with an anxiety disorder. Maybe, there are things on this list which will help you too.

  • Surfing ๐Ÿ„๐ŸŒŠ๐ŸŒž: I really feel sad that I still didn’t surf since two years. I can’t wait to surf again. The feeling of standing on your surfboard and hearing the waves creates a sense of freedom. I’m forever a beach girl and the ocean is my home.
  • Reading ๐Ÿ“š: Lately, I’m into reading again. I used to read so many books in my childhood. It makes me so happy to read great novels and also self helps books which help me cope with living with anxiety.
  • Writing/blogging โœ’๐Ÿ’ญ: I love to write in my journal or use a scrapbook for all my memories, thoughts and feelings. I also love to write poems. Blogging also always makes me feel better. I’m so happy to have this amazing blog and community where I can write and let everything go. Writing for me is such an important tool to just let all my thoughts go.
  • Singing/Listening to music ๐ŸŽค๐ŸŽถ: I used to sing in a choir for 11 years. I really miss that time. Hopefully, I will sing in the future again in a choir or something. Singing also always release my emotions and make me feel so happy. I love to record covers and share them. Listening to music also always make me feel so peaceful. It feels great to listen to songs with a lyrics that you feel like it’s written for you. Music is life and will always be there for you in good and bad times.
  • Taking medication ๐Ÿ’Š: It can be antidepressants, anti anxiety medication or other medication. Just anything that makes you feel better. Medication saves lives and are important when you need them.
  • Being surrounded by my family and friends who support me ๐Ÿ’•: It feels great to talk about your struggles with people you can trust too and who will be there for you. Find your tribe/community. Try to share your inner feelings and thoughts.
  • Enjoying nature ๐ŸŒณ๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒป๐Ÿ‚๐Ÿƒ: Going for a walk or just being outside in nature can do so many good things for your physical and mental health. Fresh air is all you need to just stay present.
  • Photography ๐Ÿ“ท: I would like to pick up this hobby again because I love to take pictures. I once used a lomography camera and I’ve made some really mysterious and beautiful pictures. Maybe, one day I will share them on my blog.
  • Being creative ๐ŸŽจ: I love to create a mess of art. I love wreck this journal, paint something abstract or just decorate my room. It feels good to let everything out of your mind and create something with the mess in my mind.
  • Travelling ๐ŸŒโœˆ: I love to discover new beautiful places on this big world. Whenever I travel I can distance myself from all the worries I have. Then I feel like my worries aren’t that big compared to the whole universe. Travelling gives me another perspective of life.
  • Swimming ๐ŸŠ: Swimming is soooo good for your health in general. It makes me feel more peaceful and happier. It’s also good for my back pain and muscles. I need to swim again because it also makes me sleep better and is so good to have less anxiety in life. Swimming is just so relaxing.
  • Yoga ๐Ÿ™‡: I tried some yoga classes a few times in my life and I loved it. It made me feel more relax. Yoga create a sense of calm. Yoga is really good for your health too. I have to go to do some classes again.
  • Yoga girl postcasts ๐Ÿ™: Rachel Brathen is a famous Swedish international yoga teacher. I will soon share a blog post about her because she is just the best. She’s my biggest inspiration in life. I can’t wait to go on one of her yoga retreats in Aruba in her yoga studio Island Yoga. Her postcasts are out every Friday on Spotify or Itunes. She also has a Youtube Channel. I love her postcasts so much. They are full wisdom and inspiration. They are about parenthood, trauma, self-love, mental health, anxiety, yoga, body positivity, rape, family, grief, achieving your dreams, and so much more. You can also now join her Yoga Girl community on Facebook.
  • Eating and sleeping well ๐Ÿด๐Ÿ˜ด: Eating the right food is so important to feel good in your body and good for your mind. Also sleeping enough and sleeping well is really important for your wellbeing. If I don’t sleep enough I feel even more anxious the next day and I can’t concentrate well.

There are so many other things too which you can do to feel good. You just have to find what’s best for you. You know yourself as the best. Remember, to always be kind to yourself. You are loved and not alone. You have so many gifts to offer to this world. Together we are going to end this mental health stigma ๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’Š. Every day is world mental health day not just today.

Mental health is as important as physical health. There are still so many people from all different ages and nationalities suffering. They all need help and we need to end the stigma around this issue. We aren’t crazy in our minds. We are sick. We all need help, support and compassion. To raise awareness about world mental health day you can donate money to a mental health organization, you can draw a circle on your hand with the hastag #iamwhole or wear something yellow with the hastag #helloyellow and post it on social media.

I hope that you all liked this blog post. I hope it made you feel that you belong in this world. I’ll always be there for you all. Keep going my fighters and warriors ๐Ÿ’ช We are all in this together. Do you also have a mental illness? What do you do to feel better? Can you relate to my words? I would love to know your thoughts in the comment section.

Much love ๐Ÿ’•,

xoxo Christina

I’m fed up of people telling me how to live my life

Hey lovelies ๐Ÿ’•,

Today is again a day to write about my feelings and thoughts. I will write about how I feel that I can’t live my life because of my parents controlling my life. I just cried so much. I’m back in The Netherlands since almost two weeks. When I’m alone with my mother everything is fine but now we are back in The Netherlands I knew my father would make me again push me to get a job. Here I’m again feeling like there are people controlling my life which increase my anxiety and makes me feel like I can’t follow my dreams because they don’t let me.

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My mother is also always talking about how I have to search for a job etc. I’m searching, I really am but everything about searching for a job just gives me so much anxiety. I think they don’t understand it at all. Only the people who are going through this know how much a struggle all of this is and especially having an anxiety disorder makes it all even more complicated and difficult. I’m counting the days down when I will go to Spain again with my mother on the 27th of December. Even though my father booked a flight back in January I don’t want to go back to Holland. I want to live and work in Spain. That’s my dream. It feels like he don’t let me. All my life I’ve done what others expect me to do and I’m so done of that. It still feels like I can’t speak up because I know how he will act and that he would get angry. I’m afraid of speaking up. I always stay quiet and accept everything when it isn’t good for me at all. Two years ago I spoke about this subject with a mental health worker where I went for some therapy sessions and she said that I get so much influence of my family. I need to stop it and it’s just so true.

I love my family but I have to live this life my own way. It’s my life. I’m 25 years old. Yesterday my father already said that he had seen a job for me in Amsterdam of Hema. That’s a nice Dutch brand. That job was for native Spanish and Dutch speakers and was about helping in the customer service section. You would gain at least โ‚ฌ1000 each month. Okay, it sounds nice but I’ve to decide if I want to do that job not my father. I just want to search and apply for jobs on my own like I’ve done these months. I got so many calls from a company from Portugal which I never pick up because I’m afraid but maybe I have to pick it up. Maybe, I have to start a life somewhere else. Today my father saw another vacancy which was about working in the international office of the University of Amsterdam. They could pay you like โ‚ฌ2000 each month. Yeah, it sounds nice and the working tasks were all the tasks I did on my internship in Valladolid, in Spain last year. Just an hour ago, my father said okay you can make a cv and tomorrow you are going to apply. Just like that. I said yes. I already have my cv but fuck off I don’t want to apply just because he force and push me to apply for this job. I’m now looking into websites which has Dutch companies in Spain. I want to search for a job on my own because I want to not just because my father wants me to do that job. He even said that he would come to my interview. Then maybe I would say a lie like that they didn’t hire me.

I just want that they can all leave my alone. It gives me this feeling of wanting to give up in life because I can’t live my life my way. I always have to do what people except me to do in order to please them all and to never get anyone angry at me. I feel like I can not always do something for myself in my life and that really frustrates me. I also did some things for myself but I feel again that isn’t enough. I went on exchange to Spain because I wanted to. I did my intership last year in Spain because I wanted to. I remember how my father wasn’t positive about applying for the essay contest to get a free trip to New York City and speak at the United Nations. He thought I wouldn’t win and it was in the middle of my studies. I had to focus on my studies and blablabla. Well, I applied two years and I won the second year. So, fuck yeah I’m so proud of myself that I applied and didn’t listen to other people voices ๐Ÿ’ช. When I won he was happy and proud of me but that’s a bit too late in my eyes. You have to support me from the beginning. My mother always support me and was positive and said that I had a chance to win. I just can’t deal with negative and toxic people.

This weekend I cried so much and I felt so bad ๐Ÿ˜ข. I was also beginning to think like really negative thoughts as that I just want to die and that I’m a failure. I was throwing pillows and was so angry alone in my room. I wanted to hurt myself and escape the pain. I never did self harm and I also won’t do it. I was feeling that I’m not in control with my body and mind. This situation makes me so anxious. I was at a point that I almost got a panic attack as I was breathing fast, crying and my heart was beating also too fast. I’m fed up of feeling this way and living at home. I’m afraid of living on my own and need to work to have money to be able to effort that one day. I just want to do what feels good for me.

I love my family, I really do but making all these dicisions for me isn’t helping me at all. My mother also said it’s for your best. Well, maybe what you think is for my best isn’t for me the best. I’m my own person. I’m not the person you want me to be. Parents sometimes think they can make the perfect daughter or son. I’m so against that. Just let your child be the person they want to be, free of judgment and just be themselves. I’ve always felt supported in life but also in someway not because I’ve always felt afraid of my father character to be angry at me for doing the wrong things or saying the wrong things. I always keep quiet and say yes to everything. I only saw my best friend last Sunday and some of my family and friends from my brother on the wedding party last Saturday in Haarlem. I also saw some people of my choir on the cremation of Lisa last Wednesday. For the rest, I’m only with my parents and it isn’t helping me at all. I need to be with people of my age who understand me and know what I’m going through just like you all.

You know me even better than people who know me in my real life. You know my ugly parts which I don’t show in real life. You know when I struggle and when I feel happy. You know when I feel vulnerable and need to share my thoughts and feelings to feel lighter in my mind. You know how anxiety makes me feel. You know how hard life can be living with a mental illness. You know my flaws and accept me for who I’m. I appreciate that so much. It’s really so special to find such good and understanding people nowadays. Many people live for their own. They seem to not care about others. I’m so happy I found my mental health community and my blogging community who will always be there for me. It really helps me a lot and makes me feel less alone in my struggles. I just wish to meet you all one day ๐ŸŒโœˆ.

Tomorrow my father will make me apply for that job even though I don’t know if I want to do that. The money and job description isn’t that bad but on paper I read you have to work there one year. Maybe, you can quit earlier I don’t know. I don’t want to work here in Holland. I want to go to Spain. I also don’t want to apply just because someone force me to apply. It increase my anxiety and I feel again not good. I just don’t know what to do… I feel hopeless that I’m always struggling with this job vs family issue. Maybe, I’m going to see one of my good friends this week which I can always tell about everything and makes me feel less alone with this issue. There are more people struggling with this. It feels good to share your struggles with good friends and also talk about solutions.

Thank you all for reading this blog post. I hope I didn’t sound like I wanted to complain and kept repeating myself. I just feel like this issue keeps repeating itselves and it doesn’t make me feel good. What would you do in my situation? Can you relate to not being able to live your life because other people want to control your life? I hope some of you may have some tips in dealing with this as it will help me a lot. Thank you all so much in advance ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ’•

Much love โค,

xoxo Christina

10 September: World Suicide Prevention Dayย 

Hey lovelies ๐Ÿ’•,

Thank you all so much for your lovely comments on my last blog post. I hope that I will feel soon okay and that everything will be allright.ย This is my 100th post on WordPress. I just can’t believe I’ve wrote so many posts already. It’s an incredible adventure. I’m really so thankful to be part of this beautiful blogging community. Thank you all for always holding space and for always being there. I’m here to stay and will always create great content. I’m also happy to write new content. You guys mean the world to me and I wish to meet you all soon. I want to be able to give you all a hug, chat and have fun together. I love you all so much โค

Today I want to talk about something really important which I also shared last year on my blog. It’s about world suicide prevention day. I want to add more things and also share a beautiful text from To Write Love On Her Arms. TWLOHA is a beautiful non-provit movement dedicated to presenting hope & finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide. There’s also an other proyect called Proyect Semicolon which is an organization dedicated to the prevention of suicide.ย Through raising public awareness, educating communities, and equipping every person with the right rools, they know that they can save lives.

Today is an important day in the world.ย Today is world suicide prevention day.ย More than 800.000 people die each year of commiting suicide. That’s one person every 40 seconds. This is just so horrible. Suicide is still one of the main causes of death in the world. It’s really a shocking fact.

World-Suicide-Prevention-Day1

I think a person who has a mental illness can have suicidal thoughts. Of course, I will not say everybody because there are some people who don’t have these thoughts. I will admit that suffering from anxiety myself I have these thoughts. I still feel sometimes ashamed to have these thoughts. People always say when someone commit suicide how selfish this person is to leave all his/her beloved ones. Now, I know that it isn’t selfish at all. A person who commit suicide didn’t had enough help or support and just couldn’t stand any longer the pain they feel in life.

I know from myself that I will never do anything to harm myself or be in danger. I just have sometimes negative thoughts like it would be better if I die because nobody loves me or because I’m not worth it. I only remember a time at college where I really began to feel extremely bad. I don’t know if I really felt suicidal but I began to have so many negative thoughts, couldn’t sleep at night, felt really anxious and was completely withdrawing my social life. I didn’t leave my house for like two months while working on a proyect of photography for school. This was really not okay. My good friends also began to notice that something wasn’t allright. This also happened in Spain this year twice where I didn’t left the house in two weeks. I still feel a bit scared to share my story because it feels like I can’t label myself for a person who is really in danger you know. I just wish we would treat every mental illness with respect and understanding. Everyone deserve help and every experience is valid.ย Not because someone has it worse than you means that your feelings and thoughts don’t count.

I’m glad I have a supportive family and friends. I’m glad I can get help whenever I need to. Lately, I’ve been thinking to really go to therapy because maybe I need it too besides taking antidepressants and anti anxiety medication. I’m again struggling with anxiety and with the things I explained in My last blog post.ย I tried 7 sessions with a social worker in The Netherlands and I was all the time too anxious to go and it made it worse until the point I had to vomit each time. So, I still don’t know if I will try it again or if it will work out. It’s just important to have support and help whenever you need to.

The point is suicide is everywhere around us. I don’t want to sound depressing but it’s. I’ve heard of some people from my high school who commited suicide. I didn’t know them but still it hits me. We all know that so many artists commited suicide. It’s really painful. Last year Chester Benningston commited suicide. This year Avicii, Kate Spade and Mc Miller commited suicide. Also Demi Lovato did an overdose which could have been really bad but I’m so thankful that she got the help she need to recover now. There are so many artists to name to the endless list. It’s really sad. What I think is important is that we have to talk about suicide every dayย not only when a famous one dies of suicide. It’s a difficult subject but we have to spread awareness. Every day there are people commiting suicide. Also to mention the dead of Mc Miller this weekend. People are blaming Ariana Grande for his death which I found really not right. He was a drug addict and she felt she was in a toxic relationship. She has the right to walk away. At the end, the responsibility of one who commit suicide is always theirs.

I still believe that suicide isn’t an option because there’s help and treatment possible. Society needs to raise more awareness and talk about it. The number of people commiting suicide needs to be much less. I was afraid to speak up about my anxiety but I’m so glad I did. There shouldn’t be a stigma around mental health illnesses aymore. Every day we are breaking this stigma with talking about it. It’s so important to talk about it, find support and get help. There needs to be help available for people who haven’t much money. Sometimes a treatment can be very expensive and not all people can pay that amount of people. There needs to be organizations who cover those costs so that everyone can get the treatment without any problem. I hope that maybe in the future I can help these people in need. Even though I’m struggling myself I’m always here to help people.


To end this post I want to share something I find so beautiful on the blog of TWLOHA:

Tomorrow needs you.

Tomorrow needs you to be a good friend.
Tomorrow needs you to hold your little sisterโ€™s hand.
Tomorrow needs you to be an uncle, a classmate, a roommate, a cousin.
Tomorrow needs you to laugh. To dance. To build. To dream.

Tomorrow needs you to stay for all the things you love.
Your favorite song still needs you to sing.
You still need to hear your childโ€™s voice.
Your favorite film needs you to watch it once again.
Your favorite meal, favorite city, favorite beach, and favorite book.
Your favorite place to watch the sunset.

Wonโ€™t you stay to see the sun rise?

Tomorrow needs you to write that novel, record that podcast, share that poem.
Because no one else has your voice.
Because no one else can play your part.

More than anything, tomorrow needs you to love and be loved.
You donโ€™t have to perform or impress or achieve.
You can if you want but tomorrow needs you just to be yourself.
To love the people you love and to be loved by all the ones who love you.

If you need tomorrow to heal and to recover, itโ€™s okay.
If you need ten tomorrows or a hundred or a whole year, itโ€™s okay.
Thereโ€™s no rush and you wonโ€™t have to go alone.

Today is not the day your story ends.
Today is not the day the darkness wins.
Today needs you to know this world needs you.
Today needs you to know that you can say your pain out loud.
Today needs you to know that itโ€™s okay to ask for help.
Today needs you to know that you can get the help you need.

Becauseย tomorrow needs you.

I also want to write my own statement:

Tomorrow needs me because I’m here to help myself and other people.

Tomorrow needs me because my family and friends love me.

Tomorrow needs me to inspire the world with my writing.

You can also make it by yourself. Start by downloading the response card and fill the โ€œTomorrow needs me because…โ€ prompt. You can share it online and use #WSPD18 and #TomorrowNeedsYou when you share your picture. Don’t forget to tag @twloha on Twitter and Instagram so that they can see it. It’s important to raise our voice and share our story online.

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To all the people suffering right now from mental health issues: please reach out. Don’t be ashamed to admit that you are feeling bad. It isn’t your fault. I know from experience that sometimes I find it hard to open up when I feel bad. It can be a good thing to ask someone how are you and ask them if they are really okay. When good friends or family asked me that and looked me into the eyes I cried because I couldn’t lie again about how I’m feeling. I told them the truth of how I felt. Not every person with a mental illness can reach other so I suggest that we all reach out. When we see someone struggling help them when they can’t help themselves. Let’s make this world a better place with more love, hope, support and understanding ๐ŸŒ

Always remember mental health is as important as physical health.ย You don’t have to do it alone. There will always people out there that wants to help you when you are struggling. We have to help each other. You are worth it. Life is though but we are thougher. We can go through it all together.ย You deserve the help you need. You can do it. You are never alone ๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’ซ We are all in this together ๐Ÿ’ช

youarenotalone

I send you all so much love and light in lifeย ๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’ซ ,

xoxo Christina

The differences between everyday anxiety and an anxiety disorder

Hey lovely bloggers ๐Ÿ’•,

Today I want to write again about a mental health topic. As you all know I suffer from an anxiety disorder. I think it’s important to write about this issue. Today I’m going to talk about the differences of every day anxiety and having an anxiety disorder. I’m not a doctor or working in the mental health sector. This is just based on my own experience of having an anxiety disorder.

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This picture is from Google. I think it definitely explains really well the differences between every day anxiety and having an anxiety disorder. It’s a good way to understand the differences. Of course, if you want to get a real diagnosis you need to go to a doctor. All my life I thought that I just nervous and that it wasn’t a real illness. However, deep in my heart I knew that my anxiety wasn’t okay. Being nervous and actually having an anxiety disorder is much more than just being having a bit of nerves. Every one experience stress or anxiety in their lives. It can be stress or feeling nerves to do an exam or to give a presentation. An anxiety disorder is much more than just being worried about every day life. An anxiety disorder is constantly worrying which don’t let you live a normal life. It seems like you can’t go on with your life because your anxiety is in the way. If you can’t seem to let your anxieties go, you may have an anxiety disorder. Anxiety is a real mental illness.

If I fear a social situation or a situation that makes me uncomfortable than I would rather run away from it and avoid it. Having an anxiety disorder makes me avoid many times situations. For example, I fear going to the dentist and and up not going but I know I have to go. This will only increase my anxiety and make it worse. Avoidance isn’t working but is caused because of my anxiety disorder. It’s really hard to go through life and wanting to avoid everything which makes me anxious. I know overcoming a fear will be worth it and eventually I would think that it wasn’t that scarry. I still avoid situation that makes me anxious. I’ve learnt to overcome some of them but I’m still in the process which is hard.

Also having panic attacks on the regular basis may be also a sign of having an anxiety disorder. Panick attacks are really the worst thing ever. I’m glad it’s such a long time ago that I had one but I still remember how awful it feels. I think it was months ago that I experienced one. I know of one panick attack that happened in my home city Valladolid, in Spain almost two years ago. I was alone in the busy shopping street and felt like crying, felt dizzy, my heart was beating fast, felt so anxious and was afraid to not get to home safe as I was afraid of falling down because of feeling so dizzy and strange. I came home crying but I was safe. I just wanted to get to home safe and sound. I remember that it took me so time to understand that just because it happened doesn’t mean it will happen again. The thing with panic attacks is that you fear to have another one and that makes it really scarry. After that happened I was afraid to walk through that street again because it reminded me of the bad time. Now, I overcame that fear and I can walk through that street normally.

I also remember another time I had a panick attack which was in August last Summer the night before my exam. It was the last exam I had to take to graduate my studies. In June I made the same exam about law and failed for 0.5 point. It made me feel so anxious and emotional. I just wanted to graduate. I was afraid I would never graduate. The night before I had to take the exam again in August I had a panick attack. I felt so anxious, naouseous, dizzy, my body shaking, feeling my heart beating fast again, feeling cold and warm at the same time and crying. I slept only a few hours and also ended up in the bed of my mother. Fortunately she was there for me. I also took a 1.5 mg of bromazepam which is a benzodiazepine that helps to beat my anxiety. It definitely calmed myself down and I could sleep a few hours before my exam. At the end, my exam went so well and I got as a mark an 8 and could graduate.

I think one of the worst things of having an anxiety disorder is just the fear that you are going to die or like you go completely crazy. I know I will not die but feeling like you breath fast and feeling dizzy make you feel that way. I always get scared when I feel that way because I fear to have another panic attack. I’m glad I didn’t have one since months ago but I still fear that. It’s a horrible thing to experience. I hope nobody who’s reading this have to experience this. If you have experience this, I hope you are feeling better right now. I’m always here for anyone who wants to talk with me. I’m not a professional doctor but I will be there for you โค๏ธ๐Ÿ™

All these thoughts of thinking that like you are going to fail an exam, feeling that you are going to die or thinking that you aren’t good enough are irrational thoughts. They aren’t real. You just believe them and that will at the end make you feel bad about yourself. If you say to yourself every day that you aren’t worth it, sooner or later you are going to believe it. These thoughts turn into feelings. You are also going to feel you aren’t worth it and that will turn into actions. You are going to neglect yourself as for example not drinking enough water or not eating well. I’m learning not to believe those irrational thoughts but it’s really hard. I just hate all those thoughts and feelings I have when I feel anxiety. I know many of the situations I fear don’t cause me any danger but my mind thinks different because it’s sick.

It’s normal to feel anxious and have rational thoughts when you are in life danger such as when you have an accident. Feeling so much anxiety for example for an presentation and feel like you are going to mess up isn’t that realistic. You learned enough and just do your best. That’s really enough. It’s just your mind that makes you think all these negative thoughts about yourself which you believe. A good way to replace these irrational thoughts is with rational thoughts. Ask yourself if your thoughts are realistic or if it’s your mind that’s playing a game with you.

Also having nightmares and having constantly flashbacks about a traumatic event can be a sign of having an anxiety disorder. If something traumatic happened in your life and you just can’t seem to let it go it would be a good idea to ask for help and get professional help. I remember that I had bad dreams of being bullied again and was experiencing it again in my dream. I’m glad I could talk about it during some counselling sessions a few years ago. I realized it wasn’t my fault that I got bullied of course and that those people were just mean. I have and always have been enough. I’m glad I don’t have those bad dreams anymore.

I still take antidepressants since one year and a half. It’s just 20 mg but definitely helps. I still have to learn to live with anxiety my whole life. I also take a benzo when I feel high anxiety. I hope you all liked this blog post. I hope I explained the differences between every day anxiety and actually having an anxiety disorder well. I’m not a doctor. This is all just based on my own experience. Do you also have an anxiety disorder and can relate to it? Did you ever experience a panic attack? Do you get help? I would love to know your thoughts and opinion about it. I would also love to help anyone who feels bad or is struggling right now. I will always be here for you all โค๏ธ

I love you all so much ๐Ÿ’•,

xoxo Christina

Stop romanticizing mental illness ๐Ÿ’ญ

Hey lovelies ๐Ÿ’•,

This is just so true. Some people when they have a bad day easily say oh โ€œIโ€™m so depressedโ€. Others say way too soon to others when they are dealing with mood swings โ€œOh you are acting so bipolarโ€. I saw bloggers on Tumblr even posting pictures when they self harm and pictures of how depression makes them more creative and all this bullshit. 

Iโ€™m so done with that. There is nothing beautiful about having a mental illness. Thereโ€™s nothing beautiful to want to die. Thereโ€™s nothing beautiful to be anxious all the time. Thereโ€™s nothing beautiful in self harming. Suffering from anxiety myself I donโ€™t like it when I feel anxious, nauseous, not having control of my body and when Iโ€™m crying all the time. Itโ€™s just the worst feeling ever. 

Everybody can feel nervous or sad at one point in their lives. Thatโ€™s normal in life. When you feel anxious, depressed for a long period of time and this doesnโ€™t seem to go away then itโ€™s more than just being nervous. Itโ€™s a mental illness when this is affecting your life in all areas and you just canโ€™t seem to be happy and live your life.

So please, stop romantizing mental illness. I donโ€™t follow depressing accounts because it just isnโ€™t helping my anxiety. Itโ€™s making it worse. I love the inspiring instagrams and blogs. I love how it makes me feel connected and I love to know that Iโ€™m not alone. 

Thanks to the mental health community online I feel even more supportive. Itโ€™s just makes me so happy all those postcasts, blogs and posts with advice and positive vibes! ๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ’ซ Keep up the good work! Love you all! ๐Ÿ’• 

Much love,

xoxo

World suicide prevention day

Hey all ๐Ÿ’•,

Today is an important day in the world. Today is world suicide prevention day. More than 800.000 people die each year of commiting suicide. That’s one person every 40 seconds. This is a horrible fact.

This number needs to be less. There shouldn’t be a stigma around mental health illnesses aymore. It is so important to talk about it, find support and get help.

Suffering from anxiety myself I had a period long time ago where I felt suicidal. I know from myself that I wouldn’t do anything but I had really negative thoughts, couldn’t sleep at night, felt really anxious and was completely withdrawing my social life. I didn’t leave my house for like two months while working on a proyect for school. This was really not okay.

I’m so glad I past that horrible time. I can still feel negative thoughts and sometimes feel worthless but support and antidepressants really saved my life. I’m so glad I take them now since 7 months.

To all the people suffering right now from mental health issues: please reach out. Don’t be ashamed to admit that you are feeling bad. It isn’t your fault. Mental health is as important as physical health. You deserve the help you need. You are never alone ๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’ซ

Much love,

xoxo

Don’t wait for everything to be perfect before you decide to enjoy your life ๐Ÿ’ญ

Hey lovelies ๐Ÿ˜˜,

I love this quote so much ๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’ญ We are all waiting for everything to be perfect in our lives to finally enjoy our lives. Time doesn’t stop for anybody. Now is the right time. Life will never be perfect. There will be good and bad times. We just have to try to make the best of it which of course is easier said than done.

For people with a mental illness like myself it it’s even more difficult to enjoy life. Having anxiety makes it sometimes so hard to just feel peaceful and enjoy life. Having a mental health illness is really hard and makes life so difficult sometimes. Thatโ€™s why itโ€™s even more important for people with a mental health illness to build a good relationship with ourselves and do thinks we love. It all takes time. If you really have a bad day just a cup of tea or some meds will help you to make it another day.

With little steps each day we can grow. Try to talk with a stranger, try to help yourself to talk about your struggles with good friends and family and most of all try to be kind to yourself. We shouldnโ€™t be too hard on ourselves. Having a mental illness is not our fault. We can make it another day ๐Ÿ€

We are warriors ๐Ÿ’ชWe can enjoy our lives and do the things we love ๐Ÿ’• I know you can too!

Much love,

xoxo