I would like to share a poem I made a few days ago about being myself and I also shared it online. It’s been a long time since I shared a poem on here. I love to express myself with writing. I will show a picture of me with this poem I made. I had a nice photoshoot one day in Spain. This picture is already 6 years old haha but sssht 🤫 I still look the same 😂🤭.
I am sensitive.
I am caring.
I am beautiful.
I am creative.
I am inspiring.
I am strong.
I am lovable.
I am enough.
I am loved.
I am empathetic.
I am vulnerable.
I am honest.
I am open-minded.
I am intelligent.
I am sweet.
I am romantic.
I can be all of them.
I don’t have to choose between one of them.
Being human means being all of those things.
That’s the power of being human.
To be who you want to be without having to choose.
Being ourselves and loving ourselves unconditionally.
We are all human and matter.
Be yourself and love yourself.
Just be you.
Thank you all for reading this blog post. I hope this poem inspired you to be just yourself with all your qualities and flaws. You are beautiful just the way you are 💖. What do you think of my poem? What makes you you? Do you think it’s difficult to be yourself in our society? Let me know lovelies. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.
I’m doing a bit better than when I wrote my last blog. However, I’m having a cold now and my period is coming soon so always something bad. In this blog post I will make a short reflection on 2019. I will write about some low and highs of this year which I also wrote in a journal. Every year has good and bad things. I also wish you all a beautiful new year! 🥳🎉😘💖 May all your wildest and biggest dreams come true!
A new year has arrived: 2020. A new decade too. I’m happy to leave this decade because it came with good things but also with bad things. In this decade I met my first love and also got my heart broken at the end of 2012. I’m already 7 years single haha let’s keep up that way 😂. I also experienced beautiful things this decade like graduating college 🎓 and speaking at the United Nations in NYC 🗽 because I won an essay competition in Spanish. This happened in the Summer of 2015. I think this was definitely one of the biggest milestones this decade. I guess we can all relate to good and bad moments during this decade. I just really wish 2020 will be a better year for all of us 🙏. I hope we will experience beautiful things. I also hope we will survive and grow from the bad things.
This year I learned some important life lessons which I will take with me in 2020. I learned that sometimes we can feel more connected to people we have never met than to the ones who are next to us. I love you all so much. You all mean the world to me. I learned that a real friend will be there for you in good and bad times. I learned that life has lows and highs and that most people only share the highs on social media. I learned that it’s good to spend less time online because I only compare myself to others online which makes my mental health worse. It isn’t real life. I also am learning to sit with every emotion whether that’s a negative one such asfear or anger. We have to feel it all, go through it until we can let go. It’s hard because when I feel anxious I just want that feeling to go away as soon as possible as it makes me feel so unwell. I just hope to know how to live with anxiety this next year.
This new year my intention is to listen more to my inner voice and let my heart guide me through life instead of my mind. 2020 will be the year of self love, growth and achieving my dreams. I will use the power that I have of being my authentic and sensitive self. I hope I will be able to get a job I love and which is good for my mental health. I also hope to meet more people I have met on the internet because I align so good with you all. My intention is to feel peace and know how to go through the waves of anxiety. I know I have to overcome some fears such as going to the dentist. Anxiety just doesn’t disappear because it’s the new year. I listened to the podcast of Yoga Girl and did the intention setting ceremony. I think setting intentions is much better than resolutions. Mostly we don’t achieve all resolutions we set for ourselves or it gives us too much pressure.
In 2019 I experienced a lot of amazing things like travelling to new places like León in March with my mother. I also went to Granada again in July with my lovely mother and met my friend there. In August I went to Gijón with my Spanish friend. I want to travel more with friends and also go to a surf camp again this newyear 🌊🌞🏄♀️. This year I went to the beautiful tulip fields in The Netherlands 😍🌷This year I also read more amazing books. To love and let go by Yoga Girl changed my life and I’m forever thankful for that. It was spiritual and beautiful. I will share a review about this book soon. This new year I will keep reading, writing, singing, travelling and doing all things I love. This year I also went to the concert of Alfred Garcia which I loved. Next year I really do hope to go to more concerts like the one of Taylor Swift. I’m dying to see her live as it’s my dream 😍🎶 I also hope to see Yoga Girl one day. I also hope to get tickets for Eurovision live.
I also faced a fear this year which was having a first interview for an internship in a hotel 🏩 in Spain. At the end they didn’t call me back but I went there and did my best. I hate interviews so it’s a good thing that I did well even though my heart was beating so fast I thought I was going to die 😭.
An important event this year was The Netherlands 🇳🇱 winning Eurovision after 44 years 🎉🥇🎶 This was one of the most beautiful moments of my life. It was a dream coming dream. I’m being a fan of Eurovision all my life so to see this happening was just so amazing and beautiful. I can’t wait to go to the concert of Duncan Laurence soon.
I wantto give thanks to my family, friends and all the people I met thisyear. I’m so happy I met more amazing people. I’m thankful for my pen pals which I met this year. I’m thankful for the Goddess community, the Yoga Girl Community and this community. This mental health community is so important for my well-being. You make my life so much better. It’s so much better to know that I’m not alone with my feelings. We all feel the same things just not at the same time. It’s okay if you have had a hard year. I’m always here for you all. I hope this new year will make our heart glow of golden glitter ✨.
I celebrated New Year’s Eve with my mother at the home of the mother of Verónica and her brother. It was strange to be there without my brother and Véronica. They couldn’t be in Valladolid this time. We ate a delicious meal which was some meat, potatoes and bread with avocado and cheese sauce. I loved the chorizo and jamón serrano too which is typical Spanish food. In Spain it’s also typical to eat 12 grapes at twelve o’clock so we did that. I love to watch las campanadas 🍇😍. We also drank some champagne 🥂 We watched a program on tv which I love because it’s about Spanish artists singing. I love singing programs 🎶. Later I also played Mario Kart Deluxe and Mario Bros with the Nintendo Switch from the brother of Verónica. I really loved it so much and was pretty good at it. I was bad at Just Dance haha 🎮😂 On New Year’s Day I was chilling, resting and watching the movie Notting Hill.
Happy new year my lovely friends! 🎉 💖✨ I believe in the good things coming and hopefully it will be in abundance this new year. We all deserve it so much. I wish you all love, health and happiness ✨ I loveyou all so much 💞. Thank you for being there for me always. We are always in this together 💪
Thank you all for reading this blog post, the first one of the new year yeahhhh ✨ I hope you all liked it. How are you feeling about this new year? What is an intention you have set for yourself this new year? How did you celebrate new year’s eve? Let me know lovelies. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.
In this blog post I will share some pictures of my Christmas, some thoughts about Christmas and wish you all a Merry Christmas 🎄. I’m still feeling a bit bad. Sometimes I have some cramps or pain in the right side of my stomach. I’m thinking that maybe it could be ovulation pain. My parents thought the same. I hope tofeel better soon. At least I have less headaches and my throat is doing better again too. I also have had some problems with my blog as my posts don’t show up in the public reader when you search some tags. I don’t know why. Hopefully, anyone can help me out with this. I would really appreciate that. I was also packing before Christmas to go to Spain this weekend to be able to enjoy Christmas without stressing about that 😂.
Now, let’s talk about Christmas time again. We can get pressured around this time of the year because we are bombarded with positive messages of being happy and of having to enjoy Christmas. While I’m a bit struggling with my health I find it difficult to just be happy because I have to do. I think that’s an unrealistic thought. We have to enjoy Christmas on our way. Do what you love to do. Spend time with your loves ones. Eat what you want to eat and don’t feel any pressure by it. I’m here for anyone who needs it 💞🙏. It’s okay if your Christmas isn’t happy or if you are struggling. I’m here for you and wish you all the love you need. You are not alone.
This time of the year always makes us reflect on this past year. It make us think of all the people we love. It can make us feel sad and happy. This time of the year can be a hard time for those who are missing someone. I’m thinking of those who are struggling these days with their mental health, physical health or any other struggle of life. You are in my prayers 🙏✨ .
I also really do think that Christmas is about giving and don’t like the consumism and materalism stuff 🎁. We don’t have much presents with Christmas because we already celebrated Sinterklaas before. I got amazing presents which you can read in this blog post. I always like to give money for charities and help others in need, not only during Christmas time. A few days ago I donated €15 for Prinses Máxima Centrum which is a hospital dedicated for children with cancer in The Netherlands. I hope my money can help the investigation to make more children better. I also know a little child who has leucemia and is being treated there. She’s a little child, only 6 years old. I know them because of my choir. I wish that she and every little child can get better. They all deserve that so much. I think it’s so important to donate money to good charities and help people in need.
I encourage anyone to give something back this Christmas and whenever you can. Christmas isn’t all about presents, food and all that materialistic stuff. Christmas is about making other people happy and being there for people who need it the most 💕 Make a change and please donate to any charity you like. You will be so thankful and happy that you did. You can also help someone without giving money but give them your time, love and showing them your heart. If someone you know or a stranger is struggling, be there for them. Be the light in those dark times 💡. Everyone needs someone sometimes.
I will give this love and light this time to the ones I love and to the ones who need it. We can be each other lights. We can give that light to someone who’s struggling in the darkness. Be that light for someone in need. If that could safe someone’s life and make them feel better then that’s all what counts. There’s nothing what makes me more happier than seeing someone smile because of something I did or some words I said. I wish all of you so much happiness that your heart will glow from golden glitter.
Christmas time for me begins on the 23th of December because it’s such a special date before Christmas. It makes me cry writing and thinking about it 😭. It’s the wedding anniversary of my parents 💒. This year they are already 43 years married. I wish them many more years of happiness, luck and love to come. I love them so much 😍. They are the best parents I could wish for. Thank you mama and papa for always being there for me and for making me believe that real love exists. I’m so blessed to have them in my life. I really can’t live without their love. When I think of someone dying I cry and panic but I have to tell myself to live in the present and that everything is okay now. My daddy was so sick and almost died when I was 11 years old because of an infection in his pancreas and many complications so this universe give him a new opportunity to live. I’m sothankful for that. In the evening my parents are going to the cathedral with an old lady they know. My mother used to clean her house. I used to sing “The nine lessons andcarols” but I’m not in that choir anymore. I don’t go because sometimes I get anxiety because of memories. I always use this time to enjoy a bath 🛀 with a Lush bath bomb and paint my nails 💅. I love to get ready for Christmas and take time for myself. I need me time.
The 24th of December we always celebrate Christmas with the family but this time we celebrated it with the whole family on the 26th which is boxing day. It’s the Second Day of Christmas in The Netherlands. On Christmas Eve my brother Rafael and Verónica came to our house and we ate a delicious simple meal. This time my brother, his wife, me and my mother aren’t going to the cathedral but to the church near to our house for the mass. It’s really a tradition to go to church with Christmas 🎄⛪. I’m Catholic but don’t know if I believe in God but yes I believe in something, in the universe for sure. There’s a beautiful choir singing. I always feel more safe in this church as it’s more familiar. I don’t want to see all people I know asking questions about my life like when I go to the cathedral. The mass was beautiful. It always makes me feel the Christmas spirit.
I also always wear this Christmas costume like Santa Claus because I enjoy wearing it. My bestie said haha are you going to wear again that wore dress?! 😂🤶 Lol, it’s a bit short that’s why she said that. I never wear it outside though haha it’s way too cold for that. It makes me feel sexy and beautiful. I still can wear it so yeah I enjoy to wear it at home. My family also loves it especially my 4 year old niece. It’s a tradition for me to always wear it until I don’t fit it.
On Christmas day the 25th I enjoyed watching some Christmas movies 🎬 with my parents. Maybe my mother and I would go to the appartment of my brother to see their Christmas tree. The next day, on Boxing Day we celebrated Christmas with the whole family which means with my parents, my two brothers and their wifes and my little niece. We ate a delicious meal which was some meat, potatoes with different sauces and salad. As dessert we had fruits, red fruit mascarpone ice cream 🍨 and also blackberry juice which my father makes. I loved that so much as it’s very special and so sweet 😍. His mother also made it when she was alive so the tradition continues. We had such a nice and peaceful time together.
I had a beautiful Christmas time. I also want to say thanks to the mother of my ex lol because we always sent present to her and she to us. It’s already 7 years ago when he broke up with me during Christmas time but I’m finally these last years a bit happy with Christmas and don’t feel that dark cloud so much because of that horrible memory when I felt my world breaking in pieces 💔. I’m thankful for her beautiful presents which will arrive a week later. I’m also thankful for all the Christmas cards I got from pen pals, blogging friends, friends and family 💖. I feel all your love. I’m also thankful for the presents I got from Elsie. I loved your presents so much. She sent me this beautiful notebook and the presents you can see below. Thank you Sophia for your amazing presents too. I loved the nail polish as I really need some new ones as most of them are dry haha. I also loved the plate and the wallet. Turqouise is such a beautiful colour. I’m really blessed to be friends with you all. From my brother and his wife I got snowman marshmallows 😍⛄ I love to put them in a cup of hot chocolate. It’s delicious 😋
I hope you all will enjoy a beautiful Christmas with the ones you love 💖. Merry Christmas to all of you! I wish you all love, happiness and luck. I’m so blessed to be part of this beautiful community. I think that’s the best Christmas present I could wish for. Be safe lovelies and enjoy Christmas time on your own way.
Thank you for reading this blog post about Christmas time 🎄🎅✨. I hope you all liked it. How do you celebrate Christmas? Did you enjoy it? What are some traditions you do on Christmas? Let me know lovelies. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.
For I begin, I would like to thank you all so much for all your support on my last blog post. You guys mean the most to me! 💗 I’m so thankful to always have this amazing community to be there for me. I love you all so much 💕
I was dying the day I wrote this because it was so hot. There was a heatwave in Spain. It was 40 degrees in Valladolid. I was staying inside because I didn’t felt good because of it and because of my period. I can’t wait to go swimming this week when I don’t have my period anymore and feel better. The temperature is going down to 30 degrees which is perfect. I’m going to tell you in this blog post all about my June favourites such as celebrating my birthday with my family and friends, Summer time, the delicious food I’ve eaten and other amazing things.
Things I did with my family 👨👨👦 :
My birthday celebration 🎉🎂🎈🎁
It was my birthday on the first of June. I turned 26 years young haha. You can read my summary of my 25th year here. I had to cry on my birthday because of having my period and I just felt so emotional. I was feeling like I don’t have my life together and I still feel that way. However, I have to think that we all have our own time in life to do things and make things happen. I also enjoyed my birthday with my mother, the brother and mother of Verónica which came to visit us. We ate a delicious chocolate cake and I blew the candles. I hope my wish will come true. I got amazing presents such as much stationery, a beautiful shirt, make up, flower headbands, jewelry and more. I also got a lot of beautiful handwritten cards.
I will show that with you all this month in a haul since I had to wait until I got everything to take pictures. My mother also bought me a lovely purple balloon and decorated our home. In the evening we went to eat dinner all three in my favourite restaurant called Elany. The bad thing was that we went late so there wasn’t much food left. We could enjoy some cheese, salad and chorizo. I was drinking a delicious grape fruit drink. I went home early because I felt bad because of my period. My mother went for a drink with the family of Verónica.
Eating delicious food with mamita 🍲
I ate so much delicious food this month. I love to eat outside especially when I’m in Spain as the food is so good and also so healthy. The Mediterranean diet is just the best. I ate twice in the big shopping mall El Corte Inglés. We love to eat a sandwich ham & cheese with potatoes. You get free mayo, ketchup and anything you want. In Holland every sauce cost money. I also ate in a new restaurant called Rodilla which I discovered with mamita. We ate a delicious sandwich together with croquettes which were just €1, so cheap!!! We also ate one day eggs with potatoes together with jámon serrano in my fav restaurant Elany near to my house, another day I ate a delicious tortilla de patata and paella. It’s my favourite Spanish food together with paella.
Milkshake time 🥤🍨🍧
I LOVE ICE CREAMS, MILKSHAKES AND SMOOTHIES SO MUCH!!! I love to drink this delicious chocolate milkshake with whipped cream so much. Also the waiter is such a lovely man and we always have a good talk with him. He knows us very well. My mother was drinking a tea with ice cubes. We also got free olives which I love very much.
Enjoying sunny days ☀️
I enjoyed some sunny days with my mother on the fake beach here. Here in Valladolid there’s not a real beach just an artificial one with sand. We have a river but it’s dirty to swim there. I was reading the Dutch psychology magazine while my mother was reading another magazine on the bench. It’s nice to enjoy the sunshine while there wasn’t a heatwave. We also enjoyed a nice walk along the river.
Things I did with my lovely friends 💕:
Celebrating my birthday with my friends 🎊💗
I had such an awesome night celebrating my birthday with my friends at the restaurant Eh Voila 💕. I made a reservation for the Greek restaurant but when we arrived they said it was closed. It was full of water haha that never happened before. There are so many restaurants in Valladolid so it’s easy to choose another good one. I love the creperie Eh Voila. I had a delicious Italian crepe with champignons, cheese, ham, mozzarella, and tomato. It was like a pizza so delicious. My friends ate also crepes, salad and spaghetti. As dessert I had a delicious ice cream of yoghurt and vanilla. I went here many times and now the decoration and everything is new 😍✨ It’s so beautiful.
After eating a delicious dinner we went to drink something on a terrace. We also went dancing at Juanita yeahhh fiesta time! 💃🎉 It was such a long time ago that we did that as friends group. The only time I felt anxious was when I went to the toilet at Juanita because I felt like I couldn’t go out. I’m always so anxious about being closed up somewhere. I’m so happy with all my lovely friends. I wouldn’t know where I would be without all of them. Thank you for being there for me ALWAYS! I’m also thankful for all the lovely presents I got. They are da best. It’s so nice to have the best friends of the two countries 🇳🇱 🇪🇸 Having friends in so many countries is the best thing ever. Thank you for making me so happy. I’m so blessed to know you all. I love you all so much 😍😭
Friend visiting Valladolid
I was so happy that my good friend from Granada came to visit me all the way from Madrid for my birthday celebration with my friends. It’s almost already 4 years since we were all in New York City during the Many Languages, One World forum. We all spoke at the United Nations and it was just a once in a life time experience. I met a lot of awesome people during that week. I love MLOW reunions and hope to meet many of this group soon too! I miss you all 💗
I’m happy to have showed my friend Valladolid together with my mother. We visited the churches San Pablo, La Antigua, the Cathedral, saw the university of Valladolid and La Plaza Mayor. We saw it by night and by daylight 😂 It was 25 degrees so perfect weather for sightseeing 👌🌞 We also ate a delicious meal in Bar Pablo which is just 100m from our house. It’s so cheap and the menu is delicious. I ate paella, potatoes with meat, and a delicious flan 🍮 with whipping cream. Valladolid is such a beautiful city and I’m so happy to call it my home as well as Haarlem of course 🇪🇸 🇳🇱 Two of my fav cities ever. It was a beautiful weekend. I can’t wait to go to the south of Spain again soon! See ya soon mi amigo! Granada here I come oleeee! 😍🇪🇸🌊🌴
Birthday of my Spanish friend
We celebrated the birthday of our Spanish friend Sandra in the village of a friend of her. She has a house in a village near to Valladolid. It’s 30 minutes by car. We had a delicious bbq outside in that house with 9 friends of her. We had a nice time and enjoyed it a lot. We talked a lot about sex lol and other subjects 😂 I love to talk about anything. When I feel comfortable with people I can talk about anything. I was happy it was during the evening since it was 40 degrees during the day. At night it was just 20 degrees oufff much better. She loved our present which were two fancy champagne glasses. Sometimes I don’t like to meet with a group of people because it makes me anxious but it was fine. We also ate a delicious chocolate pie 🥧 and we played Jenga. They said I’m very good at it and it’s because I played it during my childhood a lot. I’m used to build big towers without letting them falling down hahah. I also loved how you could see the stars shine so brightly because there are no city lights. I’m in love with the universe 🌟✨
Other nice things of June:
Summer time 😎
It’s officially Summer time! 🌞 I’m so happy my favourite season is back. I survived the heatwave 🔥 at the end of the month which was way too hot for me. I love 30 degrees but 40 degrees is really way too hot for me. Even my mother suffered through the heatwave. I hope I can enjoy Summer time much and have fun! It’s the time that I’m mostly the most happy in life. I love to go to the beach, go swimming and travel a lot.
San Juan 🔥
I didn’t went to San Juan this year but my mother went and got me some delicious churros 😋. San Juan is an evening at the end of June were we welcome the beginning of the Summer. It’s typical to do it on the beach but here we have a fake beach like I said. There is a big bonfire and there are things to eat and drink. There’s also a lot of music to dance on 🎶. It’s a tradition to write down all the bad things that happened that year and burn it in the fire. You also write some wishes down for the next year which you keep at home. It’s a magical night.
Stationery and pen pal letters 🖋️💗
Last but not least, I bought some nice stationery stuff. I bought some nice stickers with hearts, flowers and stars and also some other cute ones. I also received some nice pen pal letters from Chloe (as well as birthday presents such as a beautiful painting of palmtrees she made 🌴, cards, notebook, pencil and body masks), a beautiful letter from a new pen pal Vikki, from Jess and from the lovely Sophia (I loved all the goodies from you so much such as the beautiful cards, stickers and geen earrings). I love you all so much. Pen palling is awesome and I’m so happy I have now more and more pen pals to write too! 😍 Writing letters and receiving letters makes me so happy.
Thank you all for reading this blog post. What were you favourites of June? What did you like from my list? Are you already enjoying Summer time? Let me know lovelies. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.
Today I want to show some beautifulpictures which I took with my mother last Sunday which was on Easter. Today’s blog post is a photo diary of the beautiful Dutch tulip fields 🌷. Before I continue to talk about it more and show you the pictures, I will tell you something else.
I finally reached more than 300 followers! 🎉 I’m so damn happy and proud of it! 😍💕🎈🎂🎁 It means so much to me that my blog is growing and that more and more people are willing to follow me, read my posts and like them. The only strange thing is that I didn’t receive a notification of this on my WordPress. Normally you get a message. Maybe, this sometimes doesn’t work or stops. Did anyone else also experience this? I always love to get that haha because it makes me feel even more excited. Thank you SO much from the bottom of my heart for all your love, support and happiness. I love blogging and will never stop blogging. We are one big and amazing family. I love you all SO much 💗💗💗
Okay, enough love 😂 Let’s be serious right now again. I can never be really serious so never mind. I alwaya prefer Spain over The Netherlands but there are some things which I love in Holland and which you can’t find in Spain. One of those things are the beautiful Dutch tulip fields I visited last week. The Netherlands is famous for the flowers especially the tulips. The best time to see them is from mid March to mid May. It starts with crocus season in March, which is followed by daffodils and hyacinths. Finally the tulips show their gorgeous colors, this is from mid April through the first week of May. You can also go to the Keukenhof which is unique tulip park with 7 million of tulips to see. I went there some times and I loved it. I want to go again because it’s so beautiful. The only bad thing is that it can be crowded with all the tourists taking pictures.
So on the First Easter Day I enjoyed a beautiful bike ride with my mother through the park and went to Cruquius which is so near to my house. We went to see the beautiful tulip fields. There was nobody so we could enjoy it to the fullest. First we were afraid to pass the meadow because there was water on the side haha but nothing happened 😂 We didn’t end up in the dike. I loved it so much. I didn’t want to leave anymore. I could sleep there surrounded by the tulips lol. Cray cray. It’s my happy place definitely. Flowers especially tulips are one of my favourite things in life and the most beautiful fields of the world are definitely in Holland. I know Keukenhof is awesome too but to enjoy these fields for free and all alone is just a wonderful experience that everyone has to see. The Netherlands in Spring time is the best time to visit because it’s also so sunny 🌞. It feels like Spain 🇪🇸 except that it was raining a lot there that time 🤣
This is my photo diary 📷. I almost didn’t change the pictures because they are perfect the way they are. I used the app StoryApp for the designs. I really like it and I love to make collages and do something different to show you it. I hope you all enjoy them! 💗
Thank you all for reading this blog post. Did you like my photo diary? Do you love flowers as much as I do? Which flower is your favourite? 🌸🌼🌻🌹🌷💐 Let me know lovelies. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.
Before I want to share with you all my March favourites I want to share you this blog post. In this post I will write about how well I did my internship interview todayat the 5 stars hotel in a village near to Valladolid called Sardón de Duero. I already wrote in this blog post about how I applied for this internship and how I did my Skype interview. I wasso anxious to do that and had to take a benzo medication for my anxiety before I did it. It went pretty well. After two weeks they emailed me back that they wanted to do a personal interview when I was going to Spain which brings me to here.
I was pretty excited about it but also super scared and anxious. Anxiety never leaves me and is pretty high lately so I suffer a lot. I had this personal interview planned two weeks ago but I was so anxious that I postponed it until today. I can’t keep postponing as it will not help me to face my fears. So I decided to do it today the 2th of April at 11.30 in the morning which is so early for me as my sleep routine is messed up as usually.
I went to bed last night with anxiety and took a benzo to calm me down. The strange thing is that it made my heartbeat faster when I just wanted to feel calm and have a normal heartbeat. I slept like 6 hours which is way too less for me and when I woke up I felt again anxious. I’m happy I did the interview today because yesterday I had to go to the toilet often because of drinking a milkshake in the weekend which was too cold together with my period coming and anxiety. I still felt anxious though so I took a benzo again but felt again like my heart was beating so fast. This time I wasn’t nauseous and I just ate some cookies so almost nothing to not vomit from anxiety. I also took some sugar to not be dizzy. Ihave to prepared for everything always.
I almost didn’t want to go again today but I went with my lovely mother. We were supposed to go with the taxi and then the bus from Valladolid but at the end we went with the taxi all the way to Sardón de Duero because otherwise we would have to walk from that village to the hotel which was about 4 km. The woman who drove the taxi was very nice and gave us a discount of €15 because the total price was €30. In Holland it would be even more expensive. I was happy that we wereon time. We still had to walk a bit to the hotel as the hotel is in such a beautiful place full of vine yards and beautiful nature 🏩🌲🌳🍇.
When we arrived at the main entrance of the hotel a woman came to us and said that we also could have gone with the taxi until the entrance. I said the name of the woman I was searching for the interview. Then wehad to call by the wine office and they opened the door. All the doors are locked and there are cameras everywhere. I guess it’s normal because it’s a 5 stars hotel and also the best hotel in Spain and Portugal and one of the best in the world. We waited downstairs until the woman from my skype interview came downstairs and I could go upstairs to the office. She said that I could go to that room and then closed the door. That was the worst of it haha the waiting part. I felt soooo anxious and my heart was beating so fast 😥. Maybe I waited for only 5 or 10 minutes but it felt much longer.
Finally, the woman from HR came and also the man who interviewed me through Skype who is the director of butlers. They asked me almost the same questions as through the Skype interview which I liked because I was prepared for it. I told my strengths and weaknesses. I told them I’m compassionate, sensitive and helpful person. I also said that I would have to improve dealing with pressure in work and in life and better planning. They told me about what I would do as a trainee. I would have to work being a recepcionist but also having personalised contact with the clients. This hotel is super special because there’s a special service of being a butler which means bringing a welcome drink to the room of the guests and putting flowers in the room before they arrive. These special things is what makes the guests come back because they love the personalised service in this unique hotel. This hotel also has a spa, makes their own wine and there are yoga classes and meditation. I really need to stay here once even though it cost €400 for one night but it’s definitely worth it 👌💗
I also talked in English to prove that I can speak well English. The only bad thing is that I need an agreement from my university and since I’m not studying anymore I don’t know if I will get that. It’s almost two years since I graduated. Hopefully, I can fix a paper or something. They also told me that I would get €250 and accomodation and food which depends of the shift. The morning shifts are really early from 7 o’clock till 3 o’clock and the afternoon shifts are from 3 o’clock till 11 o’clock. I would have to live with some other trainees in a house in the village of Sardón de Duero which is 4 km from the hotel. I don’t know if I would walk to the hotel or go with someone. That also makes me anxious because I’m so used to live at home by my parents and that feels safe. I only lived once with a family during my exchange time and it went wrong. I felt so anxious and began to drink much which isn’t the case anymore but I still find it hard to trust people.I also love to have my privacy. They say they have people from all over the world doing an internship there.
I’m just happy I did it because it’s a huge milestone for me to overcome this fear today. It was definitely outside my comfortzone. They were all so friendly and I shouldn’t have been worried about it but that’s the curse of suffering with anxiety. The hotel is unbelievable beautiful and in the middle of nowhere full of pines, nature and vine yards 😍🍇. I love the smell of the pines. It creates a sense of peace and happiness ✨. At the end of the interview we said goodbye and they will tell me if I get the internship or not. It also depends if I get the agreement from my university as they are also going to contact my university. It’s going to be almost impossible to be honest. I went downstairs again where my mother was waiting and the woman of HR who was just a few years older than me showed us the way which we had to follow to go to the village to catch the bus to Valladolid. She was from the same village where my grandmother was a teacher. Such a coincidence. They almost even wanted to bring us by car but I said that we could walk it. They said it would be 10 minutes well my mother and I walked 35 minutes haha so much 😂. It was a nice walk within the pines along side the river Duero. It was also sunny so it was okay 🌞👌.
In the village we had to wait like almost two hours for the bus to Valladolid because that’s the bad thing of living in a village. There are not many buses during a day. One day I will have to learn to drive car even though I’m scared of that too. Sometimes it makes life easier. We ate at the bus station of Valladolid a delicious meal with potatoes, some meat, eggs and as dessert ice cream and yoghurt. I was then crying and I also cried a lot at home later because I felt emotional and anxious after the whole day.
Also I was angry because I don’t want to go again to Holland because I feel like I always have to go where my parents go because I have no money. I also don’t want to feel pressured again to search for a job there. I was also angry because I’m already two weeks in Spain and didn’t see any of my friends. I was suppose to meet one friend and again she couldn’t see me. I’m just so done with it all. I feel like I connect more with internet friends nowadays than real friends. I’m done being there always for everybody when almost nobody is there for me. It hurt so much 😢. I also went to the church today to light up some candles to bring peace in my heart 🙏. Fortunately, I could make the suitcase today and watch a nice Spanish serie with my mother at home. I’m just happy this day is over 💪.
Thank you all for reading this blog post and listening to me. What do you think of this internship? Do you have any tips? How would I get that agreement of my university when I’m not studying there anymore? Let me know your thoughts. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.
Happy new year to you all! In this post I will talk about my 2018 and will show you how I celebrated New Year’s Eve. I’m glad I don’t have a cold amymore but just tonight I got my period so yeah that also sucks I’m glad I take medication for the cramps because otherwise I wouldn’t survive it. Besides, I’m also being anxious about my appointment of getting one of my wisdom teeth pulled out this week. I keep postponing the appointment. I know I have to do it but I’m so scared. H e l p. I also don’t want to do it in Holland. Here in Spain it’s much cheaper and the dentist understands my anxiety but I’m still so afraid and I just feel like I can’t cope. If anyone have some more tips to survive it I will be forever grateful I can always take medication for anxiety if that’s enough to help me cope with it.
We are already in 2019. A year has flown by. As usually I want to reflect on my year with this post and also write some important things for you all. Every year has its ups and downs. Every year consists of good things and bad things which happen to us. The most important thing is how we react to all these things. I know how hard it’s to stay positive in this sometimes dark world. I just keep believing that there are so many good things in the world and that there are indeed so many good people. You just have to find your tribe. I’m so glad I did.
I’m so happy with my blogging community, mental health community, Yoga Girl community and the goddess revolution community. I’m thankful that I joined these communities this year. They made me feel less alone and so much happier. If I’m in Holland I will maybe go to a meet up with some yoga girls. I also really wish that we will continue to all be friends and hopefully one day we will all meet I know the universe brought us all together for a reason which is to be connected with awesome people, share our struggles and feel supported.
I learned a lot this year. I learn every day from this world. This year I realized that there are truly lovely people who care about you and want you to be happy. I learned that it’s better to have a few good friends than a million of fake friends. The ones who love you will always be there for you no matter what. I learned that true love exists when I saw my brother getting married in August in Spain. I learned that this life is an adventure. Sometimes we win and sometimes we loose. We learn from every experience. I also learned that it’s okay if I’m not where I want to be in life. I still have a long way to go. I will find a career I love and will keep growing. It all takes time, pacience and trust in myself. I have to love myself, believe in myself and know that I can make my dreams come true such as working and living in Spain
I also went to my first feminist strike in Valladolid, in Spain on International Women’s Day on the 8th of March with my mother. This was such an empowerful event. I never went to a demonstration before. I really wish 2019 will be the year that less women will be suffering from violence. I wish that women and men have the same human rights. Together we are starting a revolution. This is just the beginning. 2019 will be the year where women can be themselves, love themselves and love each other
This year I also learned that music is the best thing in life I would be lost without music. I went to so many amazing concerts such as the Operación Triunfo 2017 concert in Madrid with my friend Maria Operación Triunfo makes me so happy and full of life. I also enjoyed the concert of Pablo Alboran, Chenoa, Hombres G and Celtas Cortos with my mother in Valladolid. I also enjoyed so much the concert of Sofia Ellar with my friend Maria. I can’t wait to see her again. It was so lovely to meet Sofia and get a picture with her. She’s the best and I can’t wait to see her singing again
This year I began to read again a lot which I loved to do so much when I was younger. I will continue reading this new year. I also kept writing and being creative. I hope to create more amazing content on this blog. Writing is amazing. I travelled to Madrid, Granada, Santander and Somo. I discovered Somo which is a beautiful surfing village in the north of Spain. In 2019 I really want to go to a surf camp again . I didn’t go surfing for more than two years. I miss it so much. It’s also so good for my mental health. The sea is my home and cleans my soul. The beach is my favourite place on this earth. I can’t wait to travel to more amazing places and meet more amazing people.
Somo, Santander (September 2018)
Granada, Andalucia (July 2018)
La Rábita, Mediterranean Sea, Granada (July 2018)
Madrid (March 2018)
Maybe for some of you this year was a hard year. Maybe some of you have lost someone close to you. Maybe you just didn’t felt okay and were struggling. I’m here for you. It’s okay to grief. It’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay to feel sad. Feelings change and emotions change but it all takes time. Try to not be hard on yourself next year. Remember, I’ll will always be there for you I hope you will invest in self love and self care this new year because that’s the most important thing that matters. I also encourage you all to surround yourself with people who love you and who bring you only good vibes because you deserve that .
I celebrated my New Year’s Eve in Valladolid, in Spain. I decided to not go out with my friends. I also didn’t go out last year. I used to party every year but I don’t feel in the mood anymore. I have to do what feels good to me. I went to the hairdressers in the afternoon to cut the dead ends, my bangs and they made curls in my hair. I love to look good for myself. I dressed up at home and did my make up. My mother and I went to the house of the mother of the wife of my brother. We celebrated all together New Year’s Eve: Rafael, my mother, Véronica, Véronica’s mother and her brother. We enjoyed eating delicious Spanish food.
We ate cheese, jamon serrano, chorizo, bread and chicken. I didn’t eat the fish because I don’t like fish so much haha At 12 o’clock we watched the television and ate the 12 grapes. We also had champagne . It’s a tradition in Spain to eat the 12 grapes. They say it brings luck. We watched television where we were hearing beautiful music and we played Spanish card games. I really loved it so much. I love playing games with my family. At 3.30 am my mother and I went home and we stayed in watching some television. We went to bed at 6 am pretty late but doesn’t matter because it’s a special night. I’m glad I didn’t go out because as soon as we were home I got my period haha. On New Year’s Day we just stayed in and chilled. I saw the movie Grease. I just love that movie & the music so much I also saw the movie Paper Towns which I love so much from John Green. I already saw this movie with my best friend one day and loved it.
l wish you all an amazing new year full of love, happiness and luck Stay strong & stay safe. We are all in this together I love you all so so so much . Thank you all for reading. How was your New Year’s Eve? Did you stay at home or did you went to a party? Which are your goals or dreams to achieve in 2019? I would love to know. I will speak to you all soon in my next blog post.
Merry Christmas to you all. Thank you for always holding space for me. You are all beautiful people. I wish you all happiness, luck and love this Christmas 🎄💖✨🌟.
Today I want to talk about how I celebrated Christmas this year. Unfortunately, I’m having a cold. My noise is running. My throat hurts. I took some paracetamol and tea. Hopefully, this will help me. I’m also going to have my period in a few days and I’m going to travel this Thursday the 27th to Spain. It’s always with Christmas that I get sickand also always with travelling I get my period. I hate that so much 😭 I just accepted that it’s okay to feel this way also on Christmas. Not everything has to be perfect.
So my brothers, their wifes and my niece came in the afternoon the 24th. We celebrated Christmas Eve with them and my parents at our home. I always put my Santa Claus 🎅 dress on just to take some pictures haha. Before dinner we unwrapped all our presents. I got a star and a heart to put in the Christmas tree 🎄🌟. For my niece I bought a purple unicorn and my brother bought a mermaid for her. I loved it haha. I just want to be a mermaid and live in the sea and be happy and free 🌊. My parents got a beautiful photography book of pictures of the wedding of my brother.
Afterwards, we all ate dinner. I felt sometimes stressed because my niece was acting bad. She didn’t want to listen all the time. Maybe she was just tired but her mother, the wife of my brother was angry at her. I know she’s right but the situation was pretty stressful. My niece was crying sometimes. Dinner was so delicious 😍 We ate potatoes with different sauces, a piece of meat, salad and stewed pears made by my lovely mother. As dessert we had delicious vanilla ice cream, fruits and the best thing: blackberry juice made by daddy 💕. We all loved it. Noanne said mmmm love it. After eating ice cream she always goes wild so she ran through the house so cray cray 😂 Then she got on the bank and was covered with blankets, pluches and got tired.
After dinner we drank some tea and then my brother, his wife and my niece left our home. We stayed talking a bit until 9.30 pm to go to the cathedral where I used to sing in the choir. My brother, his Spanish wife and my mother went to the MidnightMass. I always find it important to go to church on Christmas Eve and pray. Christmas is about giving love to others and being there for others. I could feel myself being anxious so I took a medication to make sure I wouldn’t get more anxious. Going to see my choir always brings me so much memories. I told myself it’s okay to take medication to be calm and when I need it.
We arrived pretty early at the cathedral. We went to our seats. We could see the choir and we were not seated in the middle with all people. For me and also for my mother’s it’s perfect because we don’t like to sit with many people. My mother and I went to the toilets. They were all restaurated. There were 6 toilets for men and also for women. All clean and it looked beautiful.
The first person I saw was a girl which used to sing in my choir. She’s really nice and ask me how I was doing and since when I was in The Netherlands. I said that I was here since the end of September and that I was looking for a job in Spain. We talked a bit. She said that it was really nice to see me. It’s nice when someone says that to me 😊. Then I saw the sister of Lisa who died just three months ago. I already wrote about her so much on my blog. She gave me a strong hug which I loved. She asked me how I was doing and then I said well mmm. I asked her the same and we talked a bit. She told me I can always come with her one day to the choir to talk with them. It’s nice that she said that to me. I gave her another hug and said that she’s so sweet. She also told me that I have been such a strong support for their family. After talking to her I could already feel tears in my eyes. This story just touched me so much. I also have to say that the way she gave me those hugs were so warm and I really needed those hugs. We all need hugs & more love in this world ❤️. You never know what someone’s going through.
Then I went back to my seat and enjoyed the Midnight Mass. My choir sang so beautiful. It’s like angels are singing 😇🎶. It began at 10.30 pm and ended at 00.00. I was so happy that I just felt calm because of taking my medication for anxiety. When the Midnight Mass was ended I saw the mother of Lisa and the husband of Lisa. I walked to them and gave them both a hug. It was fine to see them again. They told me it was heartwarming what I wrote about Lisa in my blog. I’m happy that they liked what I wrote about her in my blog. I have to admit that I didn’t know Lisa that well. Stories of young people dying from cancer and just any horrible story touches my heart. I’m a highly sensitive person so I cry about everything. I can also feel others emotions easily. Sometimes feeling so deeply can make living in this world pretty overwhelming too. I’m trying to control my emotions more but sometimes I just can’t. I also wrote a Christmas card to her family with a own written poem and they wrote me one too. I’m looking forward to the Christmas card.
At the exit in the church I saw again the mother of Lisa and her husband and also the father. I also greeted him and we talked. The father asked me how I could speak Spanish. I said that I’m bilingual because my mother learned me Spanish since I was a baby. I also took Spanish lessons and had Spanish as a subject in my college. I also did my internship and exchange in Spain. I have always lived between two countries and have two homes 😂 I said that I also have good Spanish friends there 💕 We also talked about emotions. I said that Dutch people show emotions less and Spanish people are more caring and emotional. It’s also the temperament of Spaniards. Then I said goodbye and we went home.
On the first day of Christmas my parents and I unwrapped the box with presents 🎁 from the mother of my first love. My mother got a hairbrush and Christmas cocktail prickers. My father got something for cleaning and delicious tea with different flavors. On my presents she wrote: “Princess Christina.” I remember when I was together with my first love and she always said that to me in Switzerland👸 She’s so sweet 💕 I love her very much. Maybe, one day we will see them again. I got earrings, black panty socks and Mickey Mouse socks which I love so much 😍 They are so cute. I also got chocolate hearts and more chocolate for us all. I always got these chocolate hearts when I was together with my ex. They are so delicious. I also loved the card she wrote. It were all nice presents. In the afternoon we saw “First dates” from UK together with my parents. It’s a programme on tv where people have a blind date together. It’s really fun. We also saw “Heel Holland bakt”. That’s about a competition of baking. We love to watch it and the pies and sweets look so delicious.
Afterwards, I dressed up to go with my parents to the appartement of my brother and his wife. It’s just 15 minutes away by car. We ate delicious pasta with meat and vegetables, salad, bread and vanilla ice cream. We also drank some mint tea with some delicious sweets made by the wife of my brother. We were at their home at 7 pm and stayed a few hours. When we got home we saw again a programme on tv about baking. Later at night I saw “All you need is love” with my mother. It’s about couples who live far away from each other or families who didn’t see each other for a long time. They bring them all together so that they can enjoy Christmas together.
Today it’s boxing day in The Netherlands. Today we all just rested and I finished packing my suitcase for Thursday the 27th that I’m going to Spain 🇪🇸✈️ I’m also having a cold. I like the view from the airplane but I always get anxious while flying. I hate turbulence so I better take a medication for anxiety. Listening to a postcast of Yoga Girl or listening to music also helps me to calm down. I just need to have distractions. I also saw the movie It’s a wonderful life with my parents which I didn’t see before. I got emotional and cried because it was such a beautiful movie with so much meaning. At night I will see the liveshow of Christmas from the Spanish talentshow Operación Triunfo 🎤 I loved to see the finalists of this year singing with famous artists and also the finalists from last year. I love them ♥️.
Thank you all for reading this blog post. I hope you all had an amazing Christmas time. How was your Christmas? What did you got for gifts? What did you do? Let me know in the comments. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.
Lately I have been feeling more inspired to blog more, write more and also write more drafts. This is definitely saving me time in posting more blog posts and write more amazing content. I hope you all will like it. Before I introduce today’s theme I want to let you all know that I’m doing an Advent Challenge by Melissa Wells. I have to admit that I still have to buy and read her books: “The Goddess Revolution” and “Hungry for more.” She writes about self love and our relationship with our body and food.
I know her from my lovely friend Chloe. Every day there’s a challenge where we have to write and share on Instagram a post and tag her instagram Melissa Wells and The self love summit. It’s really fun to do but I wanted to do it only on Instagram because then she can see my posts and the beautiful goddess women can join this challenge. You can also win amazing prices 🎁. If anyone is also doing this challenge let me know. This challenge is really motivating me and making me love myself more. You can see mine one on Seaofwordsblog.
Today I want to share you a nice haul of things I got for Sinterklaas. This is a typical festive in The Netherlands. It’s celebrated on the 5th of December but because it’s a day in the week many families celebrate it on the weekend before or after the 5th of December. I celebrated it last weekend on the first of December. I went to the south of The Netherlands to celebrate it with my two brothers, their wifes, my niece and my parents. We also ate at their home delicious pasta with vegetables and ice cream with caramel. I had really so muchfun 🎉. My niece was giving all the time the presents and unwrapping them hahah it was so cute. I will now share with you all the presents I got. The background of these pictures is just my floor in my room, not that beautiful but I couldn’t find a better place to make pictures of my presents.
All my presents which I have got 🎁
Yogi tea 💕
I love the brand Yogi Tea because of the delicious and different flavours. I also love that with every tea bag there’s a quote full of wisdom. It’s just everything I need. I got rooibos tea with cinnamon, bedtime rooibos tea with vanille, women’s tea with chamomile and bedtime tea with valerian. I’m going to use all these teas a lot during Winter 🍵.
Cinema light box, photo frame, instax mini film and earrings 📷
I wanted to do these presents together because they are linked to each other except the earrings hahah 😂. I always wanted to have a cinema lightbox. I always saw it on social media. It looks so amazing to just put a nice quote or message. It would make me really happy. I didn’t use it yet because I need some batteries. I will show you all when I use it. This one is different than the normal white one. You can change the colour. It has 12 different colours. My favourite colour is purple, violet or blue 💙💜
I also love the two packs of instax mini film. I always use it so much. Polaroids are so much fun to make and also to cherish memories. I also got a photo frame in the form of aheart. I think it’s so cute and I always love to have pictures in my room. Maybe I will bring this one to Spain to use it when I’m there. I also got some earrings with the words I love you. It’s like a beer opener haha really fun!
Trip book of Barcelona and present of Crete 😍🌍🌞
The trip book from Barcelona is very handy for when I’m going to Barcelona one day. I only went once to Barcelona with my friends and I loved it so much. It’s a beautiful city. I love the Gaudi buildings, The Sagrada familia and Park Guell. This trip book also has some tips of what to visit and a map of the city and metro which is so useful. The coin purse from Crete is really beautiful. My brother and his wife bought it during their holidays in Greece in October. I really hope to go to Greece one day because from all the pictures I’ve seen I think it’s a beautiful country.
Psychology & Nouveau magazine 📚
I love the Psychology Magazine so much 😍💕. It’s a Dutch magazine which I read a lot especially during the Summer days by the pool in Spain. This edition is very special because it’s about more than 35 people who share about their vulnerability and mental illnesses. Many people are suffering or have something they are struggling with whether it’s a mental illness or stress about college or work life. This magazine really helps me a lot in coping with anxiety and makes me feel less alone. I have never bought the other magazine which is called Nouveau but they came together. That one is for women above 40+ hahah lol 😂 and have some beauy tips. My mother bought this present for me and also didn’t know what kind of magazine it was. I will give it a read.
Stickers and designpad ❤️
I saw these stickers once in the Dutch shop Hema a few weeks ago and I already wanted them so badly. These are universe stickers with the stars, the moon and glitter ✨🌙⭐🌌. They are really beautiful. I can use them for my journal or scrapbook. I also love the designpad with 30 sheets with different designs. I could use it for my journal, scrapbook or other crafts as well.
Deodorant Vogue girl, Batiste dry shampoo and nail vile 😊
I love the dry shampoo from Batiste so much. I also love the little one because I can take it with me everywhere and use it. Ialso like the Vogue Girl deodorants. They smell so good and I love the pattern of kisses and cats. It’s really cute, don’t you think? 😘😻🤗 The nail vile with the word “Believe” is also very nice.
Underwear boxers 😜
Hhaha I don’t mind to share this with you because everybody needs to use underwear 🤣. I really was in need of underpants such as boxers. I really love them and they also fit me well. The pink and purple ones are from an Australian brand. I also love the one in the middle which is colourful and has the words love on it.
Chocolate and marzipan 🍫😍
During Sinterklaas it’s typical to give each other chocolate letters. I got the G haha I don’t know why 🤷♀️. I think Sinterklaas was confused when he gave me that letter. I also got the C. I love milk chocolate so much as well as white chocolate. One of them is already gone in my tummy. I also got caramel sea salt Tony’s Chocolonely fair trade chocolate. I don’t know if I like this flavour but I will try it. I really love the marzipan covered with chocolate too. That’s really one of my favourite sweets. Noanne my little niece thought it was a sausage hahah because of the form. We all had to laugh when she said that. She’s just so funny 🤣😅.
Wedding photography pictures 💒
The most beautiful and emotional presents we got where the pictures we got from my brother Edward and Elke 📷. The two have a company of wedding photography and also photographed the wedding of my brother Rafael with Verónica in August. They got 100 pictures and I and my parents got 10 pictures from the wedding. I can’t wait to get them digital to be able to share them on social media and hereon my blog. I need the pictures with the thread mark of Azcona Fotografie. Verónica had to cry when she saw the pictures and the diashow. They are also making a wedding book of all the most important pictures of the wedding for them. It’s a book they cancherish forever. Verónica said that she missed her mother which is normal because her family lives in Spain.
My brother also got emotional and I also got tears in my eyes because the pictures were so beautiful. They captured beautifully the wedding day. All memories came back from this day. This was definitely again one of the most beautiful days of my life together with the other wedding of my brother Edward. I hope that one day I will marry too so that my brother can also make beautiful pictures of my special day. I also never felt so beautiful. I love how the hairdressers did my hair, the flower in my hair, how I did my make up, the dream fucsia dress, my jewelry, just everything. I love the pictures where you can see me smiling and where you can see in my eyes how happy I was to see my brother getting married. I also loved the photo frame with the picture where I’m dancing with my brother after dinner during the party 🎉💃
Bucketlist calendar 2019 📅
I bought for myself this present for Sinterklaas. I have always wanted this calendar. It’s a really fun one. It’s a bucketlist calendar of things you have to do in 2019. Every day there’s a beautiful quote written and also challenges to do. Hopefully, I will do them 😂.
Thank you all for reading this blog post. I hope you all liked it. Now, it’s almost time for Christmas presents and in Spain I also celebrate Three Kings day which is on the 6th of January haha so three times fiestas with gifts 🎁🤣. I really love it and I love to spend time with my family and friends. That’s a gift that you can’t buy anywhere. Which present did you like the most from my haul? What’s on your wish list? I would love to know your thoughts. I will speak to you all soon in my next blog post.
In this blog post I will tell you all about the wedding of my brother Rafael with his Spanish girlfriend Verónica which was on the 11th of August. The wedding took place in Fuensaldaña. That’s a little village near to Valladolid. It’s just 15 minutes by car. In this post I will tell you all about the wedding, the good and the bad. I also will share some beautiful pictures I’ve made with the mobile of my mother. I still need to wait for the other pictures of Edward and Elke. My other brother has their own company of weddingphotography. They make such beautiful pictures. This is their website if you want to look: Azcona Fotografie. I’m going to make another blog post when I have more pictures of them. Maybe, I will do a photo diary of it.
The night before the wedding (Friday the 10th) Rafael was sleeping in our home with me and my parents. It’s a tradition. Verónica was sleeping at their home with her mother and her brother Jairo. The wedding was in the afternoon Saturday 11th of August. I woke up at 11.00 o’clock and got myself reading to go to the hairdresser which is just 1 min. away from my house. I went to the hairdresser with my mother and my brother Edward was taking pictures of us hahah 😂 Edward and Elke were going to take all the pictures of the wedding. In the meantime, Elke was taking pictures of Verónica in a hairdresser near to her house. It took two hours to get all the curls in my hair. I also got a flower in my hair. My mother took one hour. I never like to be for so long in the hairdresser but I survived lol. Our appointment was at 12.30 and we ended at 2.30. Afterwards, we went home to eat pasta with my parents, Edward and Rafael. Elke was going to eat with the family of Verónica in her home.
It was a delicious meal. I already painted my nails the day before so I was happy that I didn’t had to do that. After eating I did my make up. I always use make up from Kiko because it’s just one of my favourite brands for make up. I used a pink eyeshadow from another brand and the pink lipstick is from Kiko. Everything had to match with my fuchsia dress 💕. I put on my favourite jewelry: white earrings and the dreamcatcher necklace which I bought in the Primark of Madrid in March. I put on my dress and already felt so warm. It was a hot Summer day with 30 degrees. Edward made pictures of me and he made the most pictures of Rafael when he got ready. He really looked so beautiful.
My parents got ready too and at 5 o’clock we were ready to leave by car. Rafael was driving his car and we were on our way to the house of Verónica. He was going to see Verónica for the first time in her beautiful wedding dress and then Edward & Elke were going to make pictures of this special moment. First, we went to a florist to put some flowers on his car. Me and my parents stayed in the car when Rafael saw Verónica for the first time in her hall. It was so hoooot inside the car so I was happy when Rafael came back. It was 5.30 and at 6 o’clock the wedding was going to take place. We were on time in Fuensaldaña. The wedding was going to be in the city hall of this village. Rafael opened the door of the car of Verónica. I talked with my Spanish family and friends of them. It was nice to see them all again after such a long time 😍😍😍
I had to enter the room of the city hall with my brother hand in hand. I was nervous for that moment because I hate to be in the middle of attention. It went really well haha despite the moment before that Rafael said that the rings were still in the car. So, a friend of my brother got them and it was all allright. I entered with my brother and then Verónica followed with my niece Noanne, another girl and her brother Jairo. They took pictures of us and the I sat down on the first row. I didn’t wanted to sit in the row in front of me because I find it strange to see the public like I’m not going to marry so I didn’t want all those eyes looking at me. This moment was were some people irritated me and what was a bad moment of the wedding.
After the ceremony a friend of my brother said to me why I didn’t sat next to my parents. I said that I wanted to sit next to Noanne. She kept talking blablabla. I think she founded it strange but fuck off my brother and Verónica already said to me days before the wedding that I could sit where I want. They know I don’t like to get all the attention. Even the mother of Verónica found it strange but I’m not sorry. I do what feels good for me and for my anxiety…. I’m so done of all the time explaining myself why I don’t do a certain thing. I say no more often and do what feels good to me.
The ceremony was really beautiful even though I like a wedding in a church more to be honest because there’s live music and it feels like you are in a movie haha. There were some great songs here but it was not live music. I didn’t sing on this weddding because they didn’t allow that in the city hall. I sang on the wedding of my other brother Edward. This cerenomy was short, just 45 minutes. Victor, the mayor of Fuensaldaña, was the leader of the cerenomy and married them. There were some beautiful speeches: one of my father, one of a friend of Rafael, one of a friend of Verónica, one of a little girl and one of the brother of Verónica. They light some candles, got the rings on, they said: “Yes I do” and then they gave each other a kiss. Edward and Jairo were the witnesses of the wedding and had to sign a paper. There were beautiful petals on the floor. It was simple but really beautiful. Simple is more.
After the ceremony they went to a balcony and all the guests went outside. We took some pictures of that monent. When they came outside we threw them heartsconfettiand blew bubbles. It’s also typical to throw rice in Spain. After that moment, Edward and Elke took family pictures with the newlyweds. Then all the guests were just talking with each other outside and the newlyweds were doing a photoshoot by Edward and Elke in the village in the meantime. We had to wait from 7 o’clock till 8.30 to enter the restaurant where we were going to have the delicious dinner. I also took some pictures and one polaroid picture with my mother when everyone went away. At 8.30 we could enter the restaurant and we could have a drink. We sat in the cafe of the restaurant and already got some food: some little delicious tapas. I don’t like the fish so I didn’t eat that haha. I ate some tapas with meat, one with tomato and cheese and an empanada. It was really all so delicious. I also didn’t want to eat so much because dinner was going to be so much food.
At 9.30 Rafael and Verónica entered the restaurant and we applaused. Then Elke, the wife of Edward came to talk with me and said: “How are you?” and she just wanted to talk and looked in my eyes. Ibegan to cry really hardbecause I was fed up to appear strong when I felt bad and anxious sometimes. I didn’t want to appear strong when I felt weak. I was fed up of faking that I was happy. I was happy at that special wedding day but also didn’t look forward to all questions about my life…. I told her how I felt lost in life and that I want to live and work in Spain. She said if I want to live with my parents or just be in Spain. I love to be with my parents but I really want to live here forever. My parents are also thinking of maybe selling their home in The Netherlands but it all takes time. It was a great talkand I really loved to talk with her. She’s said that everything will be allright. She’s always so caring and lovely. She really cares about me. Edward my brother saw me crying and Jairo the brother of Verónica too and said awhh you make me cry too. I felt loved and not alone and that was a great feeling. Sometimes it’s so good to let everything out. I felt better aferwards. Sometimes all you need is a good cry.
After that moment, all guests went upstairs to the restaurant and we all had to sit by a certain round table. I was sitting with all people I knew, my parents, Edward, Elke, friends of Rafael and other people. It was really nice. We got three plates and in between we got alcohol. I only tasted a bit of the wine before dinner because I don’t want to drink while taking antidepressants. I also don’t drink alcohol anymore just a few sips hahah 😂 The bread was delicious. The first plate was avocado salad with fish. I didn’t ate the fish😅 After this plate we got a drink which was called sorbete de passión, it was a drink with alcohol and tasted really sweet and well. This drink was to change the flavour in our month. Then we got the big plate which was meat: solomillo with champignons. It was allright but I don’t like to eat so much meat so I didn’t eat everything just enough. I feel full easily. The drink after this plate was champagne but it was really bitter so I only drank a few sips.
I gave all the drank to my mother hahah. During the dinner, Rafael and Verónica came to our table and other tables sometimes to just chat a bit. They were placed in an apart table far away from us. Almost at the end of the dinner I gave the guests a present. The children got sweets and Verónica said I could also get one. It was a pack full of all sweets, chips and delicious stuff. The men got a beer opener in the form of a bike which is typical in The Netherlands. The women got a bookmark in the form of an owl which is the favourite animal of Verónica. She has everything of owls in her home. It was nice to gave these presents to the guests. Afterwards, it was time for the most delicious plate: dessert time. Rafael and Verónica cut the pie. It was a delicious chocolate pie with vanilla ice cream. I really loved it so much. After the dessert we got a chupito which is a shot and I got one of apple without alcohol and tea which was really nice. The dinner began at 10.00 and ended at 00.30.
After dinner we went all to the ballroom which was downstairs to dance all night long. Rafael and Verónica did the first dance which was a salsa dance. My brother takes salsa lessons and can dance very well. Verónica also dances salsa. It was a beautiful dance. After that dance they danced a slow dance. Then all the guests were dancing on Spanish music and I also said to the DJ to put the song “Het is een nacht” on. It’s a dutch song which I like. I also danced like crazy on the song “Lo malo” from Aitana and Ana from the Spanish talentshow Operación Triunfo. I like that so much. Then again the friend of my brother came to me (the same one who said that I had to sit next to my parents in the ceremony) and said why don’t you dance, come on dance with us. I like to dance but I was also tired so leave me alone please. Then, this woman went dancing and left me in peace. I danced till 3 o’clock. Me and my mother were getting tired. Some family of Verónica said don’t go, stay longer. Well, no is no. The party ended for us. A friend of my brother brought us home and I slept at 5 o’clock in the morning. When I got home I had to do my make up away and everything which took a lot of time.
I was supposed to go eating the next day in a hotel near to my house with the family but I didn’t go. I felt anxious and cried that night and was just so tired. I had stomach aches and I said I didn’t go. My father later at home said that I have borderline and I was like no but I didn’t say anything. He didn’t seem to understand that the night before I was happy and dancing at the wedding and on Sunday I felt bad. I know that my feelings are true and I don’t need to give anyone any explanation. If they don’t believe it, they don’t. I don’t have borderline. I think it’s rude to say that as a joke. I just don’t know why people say those things out of the blue. It can hurt someone especially someone who is really going through that. I’m also happy that I didn’t go to that eating the next day after the wedding because my Spanish aunt wasn’t feeling good and felt dizzy. She’s now okay again but all the wedding stuff was so tiring.
Thank you all for reading this loooooong blog post. I hope you all liked it. I just always want to be honest about how I experience something, the good and the bad. Did you like the pictures? Do you also love weddings as much as I do?Do you also feel fed up with giving an explanation to someone? What would you do in such a situation? I would love to know your thoughts. I speak to you all in my next blog post.