5 surfers died doing what they loved to do the most in The North Sea πŸ˜’πŸ’”πŸ‡³πŸ‡±

Hey lovelies πŸ’•,

I wanted to write a more happy blog post but I just can’t. I have to always write what’s on my mind. Right now, I feel so much loss and I am so sad. I feel heartbroken πŸ’”. I cried this whole week SO much. I will talk about the tragedy which happened on Monday afternoon in the beach Scheveningen πŸŒŠπŸ‡³πŸ‡±πŸ˜’. 5 surfers died doing what they loved to do the most. I also wrote a poem abou it which I will let you see below. This is also my 200th post on my blog which I’m proud about but today’s blog post is something more important. Some people will maybe not understand me but I can grief so hard for people I don’t know. I’m a sensitive person and an empath. That’s how I live my life now and forever. I will not change that for anyone if you like it or not.

On Monday afternoon in Scheveningen at 7 o’clock a group of surfers came in problems. There was a strong wind and current. They didn’t surf near to the port because it’s more dangerous there. They know the sea so well because they were experienced and even life guards. They found the two bodies on Monday and the other two on Tuesday. They are still searching for the fifth body. Even the rescue team had problems in finding them. Some people were saved, a man who was 40 years old and other people. A friend of them was saved. They were all from the regio of The Hague. The ones who died were between 20 and 30 years old. It’s so heartbreaking that the sea took their lives. It was even on the news of the World Surf League which is the association of surfing professionals. They died suffocated in the foam. This is very strange because that doesn’t happen often. Now they will further investigate it. I hate when people say it’s their fault. I find it disrespectful when people say that. The rescue team in The Netherlands saved one person who also had a baby, a family together. That person was friends with the ones who died. I wouldn’t know how to cope when I know my best friends died but I got saved. I think it must be so heartbreaking.

I know surfing is sometimes a risky sport but surfers know that. I love surfing and even made my thesis about surfing for graduating college. I wrote about the surf brand O’Neill and the surfing lifestyle. I love to live that lifestyle like all surfers are living that. It means to enjoy the sea, having respect for nature, for the environment and for every living being. I’m a beginner surfer by heart. The sea is my home. I also surfed on the beach of Scheveningen many times. It makes me the most happy person ever. Even though I’m not good at catching waves yet, I have fun and feel the most alive on my surfboard. They died doing what they loved to do. I just don’t think there’s anything poetic about that because it must be a horrible death being drowned by the sea. I’m so sorry for them 😒. I think they suffered a lot and did all they could to be saved. Since I heard the news I couldn’t stop crying. I wrote a poem about what happened. It’s also on my poetry account on Instagram. I can’t think of anything else right now.

The wild sea

I love the sea

It’s my favourite place in the world

I love to hear the waves crashing to the shore


I love to smell the salty air


I love to feel the wind in my face


I love the taste of the salt sea


I love to see the waves


What I love the most of surving


Is the feeling of being alive


It makes me so happy


At the same time the sea scares me


Last night a tragedy happened in Scheveningen


5 experienced body surfers lost their lives


The wind & the big waves took their lives


How can nature be so cruel?


How can be something so beautiful at the same time kill people?


It’s mother nature at their wildest


I spent the day crying


I don’t know you but I feel the losses in my heart


Being an empath and highly sensitive person makes you grief people you don’t even know

I’m so sorry Joost, Sander, Pim, Max and Matthijs

The sea took your life


May you rest in peace


You were all too young


You died doing what you loved to do


We are mourning the losses


The sky is crying with you


You are all an inspiration for us

You will not forgotten

I send all my love to the friends and family


You are all loved

The surfing community will always be there for each other

We will stick together

Love you
πŸ’•

A sea of words

I hope you all liked my poem. The picture is from someone on Instagram. I love to see sunsets on the beach. They are the most magical ever. I truly believe these heroes are somewhere there watching us from above. We will continue surfing remembering them. I just always have to write a poem when a tragedy happens, especially one so close to home. Scheveningen is a place I come often to surf, chill and enjoy the beach. It’s close to The Hague where I went to college to. I often celebrate my birthday at the surf school Hart Beach. These men were from another surf school but they were all surf teachers and know the sea very well. They know the dangers. The meters of foam happened suddenly when they were body surfing. I love the community of surfers so much. They are all so lovely and connected with each other. I have some friends who surfed with me but I would love to find more people who could surf with me. Sometimes I was also thinking to get a job in the surf industry. It would be so amazing! Caring about the environment, enjoying nature and loving the sea is everything I stand for in life. I know some of my studies live there and are also heartbroken about the news. Also one girl from my studies know some people who have died. She’s a professional surfer who surfed with them too.

It’s so sad that life can be over in just one second. We never know when will be the last day we are living. We never know when we will die. It terrifies me but at the same time it also makes me think that I want to live the life of my dreams. I would love to learn to be able to surf well and catch some good waves. It makes me feel alive, happy and feel less anxious. The sea cures everything but sometimes it’s a monster which takes people. I always have much respect for the sea. It’s mother nature at it’s wildest 🌊. We can learn how to surf the waves but we can’t go against the sea. The sea will always be stronger than us at the end. Nature will always be stronger than human beings and can destroy us whenever we least except it, thinking of natural disasters such as earthquakes or tsunami’s. We really have to care more about mother nature. It’s the most beautiful thing in the world and also sometimes the scariest thing ever 😒. We have absolutely no control of it.

Today, our hearts go out to the 5 families and friends of the people we lost in Scheveningen yesterday. The 5 surfers where body surfing and were experienced. They didn’t come home after their session. Even though I don’t know them I feel this loss so deeply. I am an empath and highly sensitive person and always feel everything so deeply. I don’t have to know someone personally to feel what others are going through. I can feel their feelings so deeply. This is the prize I take for feeling so much. I also suffer so much too. I don’t know how I would cope when someone I know dies. This is a black day for the Dutch surf community and we wish all who are involved the strength to deal with this loss πŸ˜’πŸŒŠπŸ™πŸ„πŸ‡³πŸ‡±. We are all mourning their losses. The sea is so wild and strong. It takes and gives. I am here for you all. Sending you all my love and strength πŸ’•πŸ™. I hope this poem made you feel less alone in mourning their grief.

Always when something like this happen I would love to help other people and be of service. I know I can’t make the death surfers come back into life. I wish that power would exist. If I lived near to Scheveningen I would bring flowers to the surf school. Everyone is doing that and they are griefing all together around the place where the tragedy happened. Maybe, I’m going to sent the surf school a card and flowers letting them know they aren’t alone in their pain. The families and friends need to grief right now and need their privacy. I also am going to donate money for the KNRM which is the The Royal Netherlands Sea Rescue Institution. They are always rescuing people and it’s important to donate money even though you may not have much money. You can donate on this website: KNRM.

This is a beautiful poem I found on Instagram. It sounds better in Dutch of course but I loved it.

”If mermen really existed,
at home on the coast and could go as fishes through the water
then they were named surfers
and everyone in Scheveningen would know that
the sea belongs to them and they belong to the sea
her waves took the men forever with her.”

Thank you all for reading this heartbreaking but necessary blog post. It was my 200th blog post. I just had to write about this tragedy. What do you think of my poem? Are you a sea lover? Does the sea scares you? Does anything similiar happened in your country? Let me know lovelies. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

Much love πŸ’•,

xoxo Christina

The girl who appears strong and cries herself to sleepΒ 

Hey lovelies πŸ’•,

I didn’t want to write this sad and negative blog post right now but as you know I always want to be real and 100% honest on my blog I did. I don’t want to fake anything. This is my place where I can be myself without feeling judged. Here I can write all my thoughts and feelings down. It always feels so good to get everything out. Let it all go.

I’m not feeling okay lately. Maybe, I haven’t felt okay for a year now. I’m already one and a half year living in Spain. The first half year I did my internship at the International Relations Office of the University of Valladolid. It was such an amazing time. Even though I also experienced panick attacks and was not coping well with my anxiety during that time. I went to the doctors here in Spain last year and got antidepressants. I’m still taking it for one and a half year just 20 mg each day. One in the morning and one at night. I also got subscriped 1.5 mg of bromazepam which is a benzodiazepine which I took when I felt high anxiety for example when I took my last exam of college in August. I only take that when I feel high anxiety.

It’s 5 o’clock in the morning and I can’t sleep. I just can’t stop crying 😒. I really have to change my sleep schedule because it’s all messed up. I literally feel like a mess and a failure. I told myself after graduating last year in August that I would chase my dreams and get a job in Spain. I always wanted to live in Spain and I really do. I feel like I’m just a lazy person but I’m really not. During my internship last year I worked really hard and enjoyed it. I learned a lot and had amazing co-workers. It was hard to be get in touch with the working world because I’ve never done an intership or work 35 hours each week. I think it’s also harder for people with a mental illness. I just wish people would understand that and respect that more.

I feel like a failure right now because I still haven’t a job in Spain. All I have done is nothing. Well, I enjoyed my time here in Spain and went to concerts with my friends, lately I have been reading books again, eat delicious tapas, celebrated birthdays, celebrated new year’s eve, went to the concert of OperaciΓ³n Triunfo in March in Madrid with my friend, went to the swimming pool 13 times this Summer, started this blog, made singing videos again to show the world, wrote poetry, took a lot of pictures, travelled to Granada with my mother in July and went to the wedding of my brother and his wife last month. I also have been feeling more inspired and listened to the postcasts of Yoga Girl which helps me a lot. I still want to go three days to a Surf Camp in Santander in Spain this month. The ocean always cleans my soul and makes me happy.

I’ve done a lot of fun things and I’m grateful for that. I also have done a lot of things which I couldn’t when I was still studying. Maybe, if I still were in college I wouldn’t have made this blog because it takes a lot of time. Maybe it wasn’t the right time then but for me it was. I just need to have a job now. I still live at home but I know that earning money gives you freedom. It’s important. I’m just so anxious about the working world because I’ve never worked only that half year during my internship and one day at a party by a bar. I still remember that day. I did everything wrong well it just felt that way and I always blame myself for everything. Also because one girl got angry at me for doing it wrong.

I talked in my other blog post when I was in Granada that I didn’t feel okay lately. Well, this is the truth. Right now, I’m enjoying the fiestas week of Valladolid which are 10 days of eating delicious tapas and going to concerts. They began on Friday and end this Sunday. It’s a lot of fun. I enjoyes these days with my friend and the concert of OperaciΓ³n Triunfo which is a Spanish talentshow was amazing. I talk about that a lot because I’m such a big fan and music saves lives. It makes me so happy. Then today it hits me again how empty and lost I feel. I was with friends today and I laughed and smiled but I wasn’t happy. They are my real friends and I feel like I even can’t be honest with them 100%. I told them some stuff I bother with but I just didn’t say much about it today. I feel like if I talk about how I feel a failure and feel so anxious for searching for a job I will break into tears. I don’t want to ruin a great moment with my friends.

So there I sat today with my friends feeling strange and sad. In my house and bedroom I can be myself and cry everything out. I’m done with faking how I feel. Today I also met a teacher of a friend and said to her how I felt lost in life. She said I would find a job here in Spain and that she wish me much luck. I love those beautiful compliments from strangers. They make my day. So, I’m going to be 100% honest right now. There are three things which bother me right now and have been for a long time. They aren’t in any order as they are all important to me.

1. I just don’t know where to begin to search for a job

I feel like nobody helps you with this after graduating college. I didn’t do nothing for searching for a job. I did something but not enough I think. I made a new cv and updated it. I have my cv on toplanguages.com. This is a website which searchs for international jobs with languages such as Dutch, Spanish and English. I can speak this three languages almost fluently. Well, my level of English will be high but not as a native speaker. I also have my cv on Spanish websites such as Infojobs.es or my internship website. A company called me once that they wanted an English teacher but I’m not a teacher. My mother answered that call because I was too afraid. When I talked with the man, they already had one person and I felt I missed a chance.

I also got a lot of calls on my phone and on email from companies all over the world like UK, Poland, Malta, Portugal, Ireland and many more. I wrote on my CV that I was looking for a job in Spain but other countries called me. I never aswered any of them back. The one of Portugal is still calling me sometimes. I also think I missed a chance from the one who I really applied. It was a job in Lisbon, in Portugal and was called Teleperformance. I sent my cv and got through the first round that was suppose to be a phone call. I answered the email with that I’m not interested anymore because I was afraid. I wanted to be in Spain but Portugal would be nice too but I didn’t do it. Maybe, I would have passed all the tests. They even offered me an accomodation and a flight for free.

I know there are a lot of jobs in bigger cities than Valladolid in Spain like Madrid or Barcelona. The thing is, we have a home in Valladolid. I know some people in Madrid but haven’t real friends there. I’m afraid to feel alone. I love that city but I don’t know if all of that changes will make me even more anxious and if that will be worth it. In Spain there’s a different system to look for a job than in Holland. Many students after graduating study for a special exam and when they pass that exam they are able to work in the public sector. You can do interviews but that’s only if you want to work in a company in the private sector. Many of these students fail that exam the first time and could be studying for years after graduating without having a job. If I would work in Madrid I also have to earn a lot of money like €1500 or more to be able to afford myself. The salaries in Spain are less than in The Netherlands and I’m pretty much aware of that. However, the costs of living are higher in The Netherlands.

2. I’m also feeling anxious about going to the dentist

Maybe, this fear is even worse than getting a job right now. My father was in August here for the wedding of my brother and was pushing myself again to go to the dentist. He and my mother even made an appointment and I never went. My mother only knows. I just hate that he always push me to do everything I’m anxious about. I have problems in my wisdom teeth. I have a caries in one of them and some are not growing well and sometimes it feels strange. I’m escaping of life. I know this huge fear is consuming me. This week I have been having nightmares that I was in The Netherlands in the hospital to get my wisdom teeth pulled out. I woke up so anxious. In the Netherlands, you have to go to the dentist twice a year. In Spain, people are afraid to go to the dentist and just don’t take care of it. I know it’s important but I’m scared as hell. In The Netherlands it’s way more expensive to get them pulled out and there also less human than here and you have to go to the hospital.

My mother is living in Spain with me right now for a year because she was doing a dental implant. One of her front teeth felt down when she was eating a bread here in Spain. My mother went to the private clinic near to our house, just 5min. away. She said he’s friendly, caring and did it so good without having any pain. She also got antibiotics and other medication afterwards and it was all allright.

I’m just so afraid. My father bought the airplane tickets to The Netherlands on the 26 of September. I don’t want to go. If I don’t go to the dentist here in Spain, I know for sure my father is going to push me in The Netherlands and we will have big fights. I have to go now in Spain and still have time and can do it with my mother. My daddy wants the best for me but I just feel like he doesn’t understand that pushing is not a great way to help me. He would even pay for it which I would be grateful for as I have no incomes. I’m afraid of pain, needles and the unknown. I’m alsoΒ afraid that the dentist here doesn’t understand my anxiety like the one in The Netherlands who called me childish and said that I was acting as an 15 year old when I had to do a root canal treatment a few years ago. This comment led to a panick attack after that appointment. I should go right before I will experience real pain?! I have to stop escaping everything I fear in my life. If I tell the dentist my anxiety I hope it will be okay. If any of you have any advice how to deal with this I would be forever thankful. Anyone else have anxiety for the dentist?!

3. I’m feeling sad because my father bought the airplane tickets to The Netherlands on the 26 of September which is in three weeks

I just don’t want to go. Even if I would have a job right now, would they accept me to stay here when he bought the tickets and everything is paid? I’m not going to run away from home. My brother did it with 17 years because he couldn’t get along with him. It was a hard time and my father didn’t speak for three years with him. I love my family, I really do. I just feel like they are controlling my life as in where I have to go and what I have to do. Maybe, my parents want to sell their house in the Netherlands. They always speak about that. Of course, then I have to be there and pack my stuff. My father also bought airplane tickets to go back to Spain on the 26 of December to the 9th of January. Again, I would have to go back and I’m just so angry about that. My question is if I would get a job now here in Spain then would I be able to stay here?! I’m also afraid he’s going to push me for searching a job in Holland when I don’t want to live there or will call me bad words which will hurt me for not working.

I’ve never been living for such a long time in Spain. I’m now living in Spain for one year and a half. I went to Holland 3 times to do my last exam last June and in August. The last time I went was with my mother with Christmas. I’ve never been for 9 months in Spain and not going once to Holland. I love Holland too. IΒ was born there. I was born in Haarlem which is a city near to Amsterdam, just 15 minutes away.

I just have always felt more happier in Spain than in The Netherlands. I know that if I’m not happy in myself I can’t be in any country. The thing is that every time I had to go back to home Holland I was always crying and it took me a lot of time to adjust to the lifestyle there. I was always counting the days to go to Spain on holiday again. I also did my exchange in Spain a few years ago. Every time I landed in Spain I was crying from happiness. I love Holland and I miss my good friends and family. Spain has such a special place in my heart ❀❀❀.Β I love these two countries but my heart always tells me that I want to live and work in Spain. I know it’s more difficult because of the salaries and the system but nothing is impossible, right?! Spain is such a beautiful country. I love the weather, the friendly people, the beautiful landscape, the delicious food and just everything.

These were the points that bother me right now. Everytime I’m telling my dreams someone says that I’m not going to achieve them. I have to tell them I can and will achieve anything I want in life. Always dream big and follow your heart no matter what πŸ’•. Your heart always have the answers. Trust it because it never lies.

Sorry for this rant. I hope it wasn’t too borring or negative to read. I just always want to be 100% honest here. If I can’t be honest all the time in real life then I will be here. Thank you all for reading. Do you have any advice of searching for a job (in Spain), dealing with dentist anxiety or not wanting to go back to Holland? I would appreciate your thoughts and advice so much. Thank you for holding space to me. Writing this made me already feel a bit lighter. It feels great to let things go.

I hope I will be okay and that everything will be allright soon. I love you all so much from the bottom of my heart πŸ’•

Much love ❀,

xoxo Christina

R.I.P. Legend DJ Avicii πŸ’”πŸŽΆπŸ˜’

Hey lovely bloggers πŸ’•,

I wanted to write about why I love Spring so much and show some beautiful pictures from Spring time here in Spain. I heard some shocking news so I decided to write this blog post first. On Friday the world famous Avicii died. I made this collage for him. I had to write this for Avicii. I was just checking my phone after drinking a delicious milkshake with my friends in the afternoon. I left my friends and I already felt a bit anxious and emotional these days. I always feel that way before my period. I checked Instagram and saw a post of Wiwibloggs which is the word’s most read independent Eurovision site. There I read the bad news about the death of Avicii. I just couldn’t believe it. I spend the 10 minutes walking to home crying.

31117403_10209341840142740_3354495137509015552_n.jpg

I read the news at home on a Dutch new website and on Spanish television. I’m still in shock. Avicii also known as Tim Bergling died today with only 28 years old. Avicii is a famous Swedish DJ. I still can’t believe it or is it because I just don’t want to accept this hard truth… πŸ˜’πŸ’” I’m a huge  fan of him. They still don’t know why he died. He took a break from being a DJ since 2016 and had pancreatitis from drinking too much alcohol and had a lot of stress and other problems. He also suffered from mental and physical problems and had a lot of anxiety in his life. Most people think that famous people live a perfect life but they also suffer from these problems. Life is never perfect and it doesn’t matter if we are famous or not. We are all going through own battles. Even if you don’t see someone else’s their struggles doesn’t mean they aren’t true.

I just really don’t like that always these kind of stories happen in the music and famous world. It’s really sad. I wish people would care more about each other and help each other more. Maybe, that would save a life…. πŸ’” You never know. I always wanted to be a singer and be famous but now I know that that world isn’t made for me. I love singing but I love to do it for fun and as a passion and hobby. Being famous is really hard and people only just see the good things such as travelling the world, earning much money, etc. I’m just really heartbroken that legends like Avicii, David Bowie, Michael Jackson, Amy Winehouse and so many more die because of drugs, alcochol, suicide…. Why does these legends have to die so young? I wish they could help this people more. Everyone needs love and support.

Avicii is one of my favourite DJ’s ever 😍 He will always be that for me πŸ’• I grew up with all his beautiful songs. I love house music so much. I went to the concert of Avicii in Amsterdam Ziggo Dome on the 22 of February in 2014. It was one of the best concerts I ever went to and which I will never ever forget. I love all his music so much. I’m going to watch the documentary True Stories too. It describes the ups and downs of Avicii and tells his problems about his health and why he stopped his tour in 2016 because of health problems. I think it will capture perfectly the life of Avicii. You can see that not everything in his life was amazing. The music world has definitely a dark side which people often do not notice.

I also remember the time I went on exchange to LogroΓ±o in Spain which was a few years ago. I danced these 5 months all the time on “Wake Me Up”. My favourites songs from Avici are “Wake Me Up”, “The Nights” with the beautiful quote you can find on my collage, “Gonna Love Ya”, “Hey Brother” and so many more.

Here are some of my favourite songs:

Tim Berg – Seek Bromance

This was the song I listened so many times with my ex boyfriend. He was such a huge fan of Avicii and this was one of his favourite songs.


Avicii – Levels

This song is just so good! It’s also one of his most famous songs. The music is so good and I danced so much on this song! I love it and it makes me so damn happy β€


Avicii – Wake Me Up

Wake Me Up is definitely one of my favourite songs of Avicii ever. I heard this song so much during my exchange time in Spain. I danced a lot on this song. I always feel so alive when I hear this song. This song and lyrics just describes my life so perfectly. I always want to travel the world and feel free. This song makes me realize that I can achieve any dream and that even though life may be hard, it’s worth it. Love is the most important thing in life.

Feeling my way through the darkness
Guided by a beating heart

So wake me up when it’s all over
When I’m wiser and I’m older
All this time I was finding myself, and I
Didn’t know I was lost

I tried carrying the weight of the world
But I only have two hands
Hope I get the chance to travel the world
But I don’t have any plans
Wish that I could stay forever this young
Not afraid to close my eyes
Life’s a game made for everyone
And love is a prize

 

Avicii – Hey Brother 

I also danced on this song so much! I love this song, well basically I love all his songs, right πŸ˜„


Avicii – Gonna Love Ya 

 

This is one of my favourite songs of Avicii too. The mix, the music, all the sound and lyrics is just so good. It makes me so happy. Also the lyrics reminds me of deserving that real love. I deserve to be treaten well.

I’m gonna love ya
Like no one could
Make your heart feel the way it should
I’m gonna hold ya
When no one would
‘Cause I swear you deserve some good


Avicii – The Nights

Damn this song…. This is one song which I often have on repeat and heard so much when I go paryting with my friends πŸ’ƒ I’m so in love with this beautiful song. The video is beautiful and make me wanna go travel the world and leave everything behind me. This song just makes so much sense now….. It’s really sad he died so young but he definitely lived a life worth remembering. I just love this sentence so much. We will die one day but we have to live a life we will remember and enjoy all the good things in life.

He said, “One day you’ll leave this world behind
So live a life you will remember.”
My father told me when I was just a child
These are the nights that never die

I love you so much Avicii πŸ’• I’m so sad right now and I can’t stop crying. I will dry my tears by listening to your music tonight. Your music guide me though the light and dark in life. Your songs inspired, made us all so happy and spread only good vibes. The lyrics is just so good from all those songs. Avicii will continue to inspire us, make us happy and spread good vibes. His music will be there for us in good and bad times. You are a legend. You will forever be missed. We all are going to miss you so much but your music will forever be played 🎢❀️ You will live in our hearts and memories.

Avicii

355992-admin - kopie

Much love πŸ’œ,

xoxo Christina

Pray for New York πŸ˜’πŸ—½πŸ’”

Hey beautiful bloggers πŸ’•,

Yesterday a horrible terrorist attack happened again in New York City after 9/11. I really cried when I heard about it 😒 What an awful world we live in. When will all of this end?! These people don’t need to be here on this planet. This time it happened in NYC, in Manhattan. 8 people died and many people are injuried by a van as always. My heart is breaking in pieces πŸ’” This just needs to stop. 

I have been in New York City two years ago and felt completely in love with this beautiful city πŸ’œπŸ’•πŸ—½ It’s an amazing international city with a beautiful history, culture, music, art, delicious food and so much more. New York City is one of my favourite cities where I have ever been to. I won the MLOW essay contest (will write a blog post about this and I wrote about it in other blog posts) and got to speak at the United Nations two years ago in July 2015. I will never ever forget this life changing experience. That’s why this hits me hard. It took place just 200 meter of the memorial of the twin towers. I have been to that sad place 😒.

When something awful like this happens, I need to write. I need to write all my thoughts and feelings down on paper πŸ’­. Writing always help me to feel better. So, I wrote this poem for you, New York City and its beautiful people πŸ’•πŸ—½ I hope you all like it β™‘

My prayings goes for all the people who have died and their families. My prayings also goes for all the people injuried. I hope you have a great recovery. 

New York City is the city of freedom, where your wildest and biggest dreams come true and where love beats hate πŸ’– 

New York City will forever have a special place in my heart. I send all my love to you πŸ’œ NYC will always have a place in my heart and I can’t wait to go back. NYC is sooo strong and can beat this πŸ’ͺ. This is just a beautiful, amazing city and international city. I’m here for you all. Any of my bloggers living in NYC, stay strong and safe please πŸ’• 

Hate will never win in this world. Hate will overcome all the love in this world. There are still soooo many good people out there like all people who helped yesterday in this awful terrorist attack. Think of all the good in the world. I know it’s hard. I know that after such a bad event happened its hard to stay positive with all the cruelty and injustice in this world. On the other hand, this only unites people and communities even more. We are stronger than hate and we shall win πŸ’–

This quote just fits perfectly by this blog post by the awesome man Martin Luther King, JR. Love will win πŸ’œπŸ’œπŸ’œ.

I love you all, stay stafe and strong πŸ’œ

Much love,

xoxo Christina πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•

Sometimes I really miss my childhood πŸ˜’πŸ’•πŸ‘ΈπŸŒˆπŸŒ 

Hey lovely bloggers πŸ’•,

I wanna talk in this blog post about how I miss my childhood sometimes. I think many bloggers can relate to this aswell, if of course you had a good childhood. Not everybody has that privilige especially kids in underdeveloped countries which I find so sad 😒. I remember one time that I made a box with toys and gave it to a church and they send it to those kids. They were so happy. They even wrote a card back to me. That just made my day! πŸ’•

This is little me, don’t know how old, maybe 5/6. I was dressing up as a beautiful princess haha πŸ‘‘πŸ‘Έ I always liked to play that. I would still do that for a theme party. It’s just so fun. I really like to dress up. I can’t wait to celebrate Halloween this Saturday with my friends here in Spain and dress up like a witch like I do ever year πŸ˜‚.

Sometimes I really do miss being this little. If I think of it I cry a bit. This was the time that I could be myself without a damn care in the world. This was the time that I could wake up at Christmas day and just be sooooo full of excitment. You know that feeling?! That’s just so beautiful. I still love Christmas so much but while having anxiety I find it sometimes stressing to be surrounded by all my family and get asked questions about what I’m doing with my life, career and all that stuff. I just don’t know what to say then. Back then nobody asked those questions. Life was just so simple. I really miss that. I could be happy with little things. As you grow older into an adult it all has to be big things such having a great job, a great partner and so on. Life is made about all those little things. 

This picture was made during Sinterklaas. I always made these crazy moves with my hand haha πŸ˜‚ This is a feast which we celebrate on the 5th of December. He brings presents to the kids. It’s so lovely that we all believed in this. We all believed in Sinterklaas, Santa Claus and The three kings when it wasn’t true. I was really shocked when I knew my parents were the ones who gave me presents. It was that time that I started not to believe the things people were telling me. I felt like everything was a lie. I was 8 years old. It’s just so magical to believe in all of this as a little child. 

That time I turned five years old. I love that the table is covered with images of beer hahaha xD. 

Everything was fun when I was little. I didn’t had periods pain. I played a lot and met great friends in primary school. I was really happy this time. It was at high school that I got bullied and things just changed. It was then that I knew the world wasn’t so colourful as I imagined. It was dark sometimes and sometimes really dark. I got a boyfriend when I was 17 and then at 19 he broke up with me and my whole life felt apart. I’m going to write about that love story in another blog post. It all felt apart in just in one second.

I miss this time where I could be innocent. I miss this time because I felt safe and loved in this wold. I didn’t knew anything yet about the dangers of the world. I just felt so happy and free like everything is fun and could smile and laugh the whole day. I miss this time because my heart was full of love and not broken. I miss this time because I wasn’t afraid of anything. I didn’t know the concept of fear in life. I was climbing on the trees and I didn’t think of falling out of the tree. That thought just didn’t came into my mind. If I would do that now, I would think of being careful and only do it if it will be 100% safe to do because I don’t wanna get hurt. When you are a child you just don’t think of all that stuff. 

What I really do miss is not being able to just not think about one second and not to worry all the time. Now I’m 24, and I worry so much. I guess I believed in too many fairytales. We all have so much to do in life and have to rush to do all those stuff. Adults seem to not be able to enjoy the present moment anymore and just sit still and do yoga and meditate. Those are such great tools to get that present moment and peaceful feeling back.

This picture was made during a holiday in Spain. I love the swing and still play on that sometimes. I just such a carefree feeling. 

This picture was also made in Spain in the Basque country. I was supporting these people hahaha πŸ˜‚

I have grown up with scars in my heart with being bullied in high school, having my heart broken and my father who almost died when I was 11 years old. This all caused me so much anxiety and sadness in life. After all, I’m thankful that this happened to me. It was all so hard but it shaped me. After my first love left me I couldn’t be happy and now after almost 5 years I’m able to be happy again. I now I won’t be this little innocent girl anymore but I have learnt from this all.

I learnt that life isn’t a fairytale but that it’s still so beautiful. We can make it beautiful. Its important to have deep and meaningful relationships with your family and friends. I learnt that we can add colour into our lives. I learnt that your family will always love you no matter how old you are. Your family will always be there for you πŸ’–

Those are my two older brothers. I love them till infinity and beyond. The middle: Rafael is 39 and the left one called Edward is 35. Edward is married and has a beautiful two years old daughter so yeahhh I’m already aunt! πŸ’•πŸ’–πŸ˜ Rafael has a Spanish girlfriend now for two years. 

I learnt that its normal to get nostalgic and sometimes wanna go back in time but its the past. We have to let it all go and move on. The future will be bright, it really will be 🌠 I learnt that we still have that child in our hearts. It’s still there but we have to set it free and be creative. I know the dangers of the world and am more careful but I still believe in the good people. I may be a real princess one day, who knows haha. What I really know is that I will be a dreamer & hippie for life. My heart will always be full of love and light because I so believe that even though the world can be seem really dark, there’s always a light that is shining out there πŸ’«

This is me also in Spain, Basque country in the garden of my lovely Spanish family 😍

Much love,

Christina xoxo 

10 reasons why I love blogging so damn much πŸ’•

Hey lovely bloggers,

I’m gonna share 10 reasons why I love blogging so much πŸ’œ I’m so happy I made WordPress almost three months ago. I never regret any second of it.

  1. Blogging brings me so much happiness to my life. Whenever I feel bad I can read some inspirational posts or quotes and feel happier again. 
  2. The blogging community is just the most awesome community ever. You are all so kind, lovely, beautiful, sensitive and so supportive. It just gives me goosebumps because it makes me remember that there are so many good people out there in this sometimes dark world.
  3. It inspires me so much. I learn so much of reading your blog posts. I can learn how to paint my nails for halloween, how to stay healthy, book reviews, travel tips, inspirational quotes, how to search for a job, how to handle my anxiety, improve self love and just soooo much more. I think blogging is such a good tool for inspiration.
  4. I love writing so much. Here I can write about anything. I love writing poems, my thoughts and feelings.
  5. It’s so good for my mental health. I have anxiety for like my whole life. Since I begin to share all my thoughts and feelings I feel less alone. I feel so supportive. There are more people on here who have a mental illness. I love the fact that not only the people who have a mental illness but also the ones who don’t have it understand me. I think that’s just so magical. In real life, there’s still a stigma around it and some people just don’t get it. Here it’s different πŸ’œ
  6. I feel safe here. Even though my blog is an open space I still feel safe and kinda privated. I just can write about anything and feel respected. I can wrote about how people have bullied me in high school, how I suffer from anxiety and how my first love broke up with me and it’s just all okay. Nobody will judge me and for that I’m so damn blessed. You are da best! πŸ’•
  7. There are no rules how to blog. In life there are many rules on how you have to do this and this but with blogging there are just no rules. Everything you write is okay. It doesn’t matter about what you write. It doesn’t matter if you write about your bad day or how you are stressing about an exam. Everything is okay because those are your feelings, thoughts and experiences. It’s your blog and you decide about what you are going to blog. 
  8. There is not a specific time when you should blog. You can just blog whenever you want. It doesn’t matter if you blog in the early morning, afternoon or late at night. It’s all okay. Just do it whenever you want.
  9. You can blog anywhere you want. This is also an important reason why I love blogging so much. You can just do it anywhere, may it be in a cafe, at school or in your garden. You just have to have your laptop or mobile phone with you. Then you can start to write. 
  10. It’s free. While other hobbies cost something like going swimming or doing a yoga class, blogging is totally free. You can have a premium account on WordPress if you want. It’s up to you. I don’t have one. Blogging is free and you can even gain money out of it but I don’t know how that works πŸ˜‚ Maybe one day I can make that happen… don’t know.

Are there any other reasons why you love blogging? Tell me, I would love to hear! πŸ’œ

I love you all so much πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’• I hope that you are all doing fine. In case you are not, I’m here for you. You are strong. You are all beautiful human beings. 

Much love to all of you,

Christina xoxo

#Me too – Men are responsible for their actions

Hey lovely bloggers πŸ’ž,

I’m gonna write a subject which I always have had on my mind. It’s just something that really hits me hard and I guess more women can understand this and feel the same way. I’m sorry I’m cursing sometimes but this subject just really make me angry.

​Me too.

If all the women who have been sexually harassed or assaulted wrote “Me too.” as a status, we might give people a sense of the magnitude of the problem. 

Women all over the world are tweeting or posting this on social media to make aware of this big problem. It is not just about one women, it’s all about millions of women who have been sexually harrased or assaulted in their lives.

I’m gonna share some of my experiences. I always felt ashamed of it. I felt like it was all my fault. I have had times where I was drunk and boys made use of this even when I didn’t want. People may say it’s all my fault. IT’S FUCKING NOT. This problem is a men issue too! Men are responsible for their fucking actions.

I have experienced so many times that I felt unsafe outside because men were shouting dirty things to me or catcalling me. I hate it so much. When I go out clubbing and am almost near to my house, I have the key of my house in my hand in case in case I see a scarry man to open my house door in just one second.  I think many women can relate to this feeling. Why do women have to feel unsafe all the time? We are used to grow up in a world where we are told since we are little that we have to be careful and that we as women have to feel unsafe all the fucking time. They don’t say that to boys. It’s just so unfair. We should raise boys and girls the same way.

We should educate girls and boys the same way. We should let boys know that they are responsible for their actions. It doesn’t matter if a girl is wearing a dress or not. This doesn’t determine their consent. We should educate boys to respect girls and when they say NO, it’s no. We should educate girls to speak up and learn to say no. 

I have had so many times where I walked alone at night after clubbing with my friends that boys said dirty things to me. This also occured to me during day time. This is something I never wanted to share because I felt so damn ashamed. Even my first love, you know my first boyfriend ever, that one person you love and trust…. well he was the one that many times crossed my boundaries and even said to me like: “If I don’t have sex with you before I’m 18, then I will go to the whores in Amsterdam”. Thinking of it now, he wasn’t that nice because if one person don’t respect your NO, that person isn’t good for you and just not worth it.

Also one time when I was going out with a friend in a city in the North of Spain (Santander) a boy said to me in the bar: “YOU LOOK LIKE I COULD FUCK YOU NOW” I showed him the middle finger and went outside and felt so fucking angry. Where is your fucking respect to a women?! I am forever a feminist and believe in equal rights between women and men. Both should be treated equally and with respect. 

Another story I’m going to share now is one which took place during gym in high school. This gym teacher was always saying dirty things to the girls like calling them honey and stuff. He also said one time to a girl: “Oh you must be on your period, right because you are angry?” Like, what the fuck are you saying. You have no right to say that. So, one time I brought some gym stuff back to a dark room. All my classmates were in the clothing room and were away. Then suddenly, he gave me like a hug or wanted to touch me… anyways something really strange and dirty. I said: “What the hell are you doing?”. He said: “It’s a rugby tackle”. I ran away crying to the dressing room.  Since then, I never felt safe again surrounded men. I hated gym so much becausd I always felt insecure and got bullied. Some popular girls saw me crying and asked me why and I never told them. I should have gone to the director of my high school and tell him. Now, it’s too late but now I’m 24 years old and say all things straight away. I was only 15 years old….. 

Women can wear dresses and lipstick and all stuff their want. Why does society always fucking blame the women when they get sexually harassed or assaulted and say stuff like: “Were you out at night?, “What were you wearing?”, “Did you drink?. It’s never the women’s fault. We should look at the action of the boys, they are fucking responsible for their actions.

I hope more women speak open about the things that happened to them so we can beat this problem πŸ’œπŸ‘ You are not alone. You are here to open up and speak about it. You don’t have to feel ashamed. Men are responsible for their actions. We should also talk with the men to prevent all of this. 

I’m here for you all πŸ’ž 

Much love,

xoxo

You can either run from your past or learn from it πŸ’«

Hey lovely bloggers πŸ’•,

I just love this quote so much from R.M. Drake from Instagram πŸ’œ. You can all follow him on Instagram. I love his poetry and books he has written. This is exactly the way I’m feeling right now. If anybody feels this way too, remember you are not alone in this. Sometimes I still feel the the pain of my past. The pain of having my heart broken and giving my heart to the wrong people. It still fucking hurts πŸ’”πŸ˜’ .

I wish I could hate you and write everything that I hate about you… but I just can’t. There’s still a little piece in my heart that loves you, and maybe always will. First loves always hurt. First break ups even more. This Christmas it will be already 5 years since you left me. It’s such a long time ago. I’m so much better than before and almost don’t cry about you anymore but sometimes it still hits me how you broke my heart into pieces. We were too young.  I wanna feel love again and I know I can. It just takes time. My heart needs to heal. 

I also feel the hurt of people who hurt me in the past. I can still remember of people bullying me and making me feel worthless. When I meet new people I’m afraid to open up. When I know they are good people I can make life long friendships. I just have to feel safe. I have to remember myself that I’m not my past. I have to remember myself that I’m strong enough to let it all go.

If anybody feels this way too, remember that you are loved and not alone. We all go through hard times, just not at the same time. We all have to deal with toxic people in our lives. The best thing ever I did was to let those people go and only surround myself with good people, the ones who lift you up and will love you no matter what happens. You can either run from your past or learn from it like they say in The Lion King πŸ’• .

Learn from it, grow and be the best version of yourself because you fucking deserve all the good things of the world. You are beautiful and loved πŸ’•πŸ’«βœŒ

Much love,

xoxo πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•

Pray for Las Vegas πŸ˜’πŸ™πŸ’•

Hey lovely bloggers πŸ’•,

Today I woke up with horrible news. The mass shooting which happened on a country festival in Las Vegas was unbelievable sad. It makes me feel heartboken. It makes me feel so sensitive. I always cry when something like this happens in the world. I care so much.

In what kind of world do we live? In a world full of hate? In a world with violence?

I don’t wanna live in this dark world anymore 😒 I’m done with hate. I’m done with violence. I’m done with terrorism. I’m just done with everything. I’m going to wonderland and never going back…. 

Something really need to change in the American policy of gun control now to prevent events like this shooting in Las Vegas today. They just have to ban all guns. I really find it unbelievable how this man of 64 years old could have 10 automatic guns in his hotel room?! That’s just insane. I hope a solution will come in the USA. 

I made this poem for today’s tragedy. My heart is with all of you πŸ’œπŸ™πŸ˜’ 

Spread no hate, but love. Love your family and friends and say it and show it to them. Never take them for granted because you never know when will be the last time you see that person.

Much love & stay safe people πŸ’•,

xoxo

We’ll always remember 9/11 πŸ™

Hey lovelies πŸ’•,

Today is an important day to remember all the victims of the 9/11 attack in New York City. Let’s never forget this awful day.

Two years ago I went to NYC and went to this place. It is a beautiful place to think about what happened and reflect and hope that something like this will never ever happen again in this world we live in.

After I did my speech in the United Nations I felt really that I’m responsible for our planet. We all contribute to our planet. We can change this world. We want a peaceful world and we can change the world if we think about little things. I hope we all gonna make it and strive to a better world, because everybody deserve it.

I know there is a lot of bad news going around nowadays but I still believe the world is not so bad as we think. The world is good if only you change the view you look to it ✌ Little actions make people happy and happiness is contagious so go out and spread some love πŸ’•

Love is the strongest emotions of a human being and with love so many things can be solved. Hug a stranger, help somebody in need, smile at a stranger, say I love you to the people you love, because everything can be gone just in one day. Don’t leave important things unsaid and help each other.

Rest in peace for all victims and beloved families and friends who are still suffering from a loss. God bless you πŸ™ You will never be forgotten.

Much love,

xoxo