Babyshower from my best friend ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿคฐ๐Ÿฝ๐Ÿ‘ถ๐Ÿฝ๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿฅบ

Hey my lovelies ๐Ÿ’•,

Today I wanna show you what I did this weekend. I organised together with my best friends a babyshower for Shams. She has been my bestie for almost 12 years now. I’m so proud of her how she is dealing with pregnancy at all. It’s hard but with the best friends we can go through anything together ๐Ÿ’ช. Our friendship has only grown deeper and deeper. I’m so blessed to have such great best friends. They make your life brighter and happier. At the end, it’s always about the love you have for the people in your life.

So, my bestie will get a beautiful baby boy ๐Ÿคฐ๐Ÿฝ๐Ÿ‘ถ๐Ÿฝ๐Ÿ’™. She is due next month. I’m praying for her that everything will go fine ๐Ÿ™. We went to a lunchroom in The Hague in The Netherlands. It was such an amazing cute place. They organise a lot of babyshowers there. We had a delicious high tea like they do in UK haha. It was all so delicious. We had sweets and sour. The sweets were amazing!! My daddy would have loved it. He loved cakes and pies so much. He was like a second daddy for my best friend. My family is her family and likewise. When that happens you know you have found a bestie for life. When families bond together magic happens ๐Ÿ’ซโœจ๏ธ.

All the food was so amazing!! ๐Ÿ˜๐ŸŽ‚๐Ÿซ–๐ŸŽ‚๐Ÿฉ We also ordered some lovely balloons with a teddy bear for like decoration on the table ๐Ÿป๐Ÿงธ๐ŸŽˆ. We all had such an amazing time. I’m so happy we made an unforgettable day with my bestie. She really needed some time off and just relax. I already miss you all and can’t wait to do it all over again haha!!

We got her some nice presents like a moon lamp for the baby room ๐ŸŒœ. I also got her cute clothes and socks. I also gave her a teddy bear already for galentine’s day. I love to give my besties a present and spread love. Love is all around and it’s important to give it away. She was really happy about all the cute stuff we got her ๐ŸŽ. I can’t wait to meet her baby boy and hope all will be well. I’m so blessed for our friendship. Best friends chulitas y latinas forevah ๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’• and ever. To infinity & beyond. To the moon and back ๐ŸŒœ๐ŸŒ›๐ŸŒž.

I will show you some lovely pictures from the babyshower. Her mamita also bought us an amazing cake!! ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ’™ This cake was SO damn delicious.

We had an amazing time. We will never ever forget this day and my bestie said the same. I’m really happy we have made her day and wish her much luck, strength and love ๐Ÿ€๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿงธ. Everything will be okay as long as we are togetha.

Thank you all for reading this blog post. Have you ever been to a babyshower? What is your favourite cake or pie? ๐ŸŽ‚ Let me know lovelies. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

Much love ๐Ÿ’•,

xoxo Christina

So many changes

Hey lovelies ๐Ÿ’•,

I’m back again on the blog and I just want to be able to write again about anything at any time. I really missed it. I also missed the interaction with bloggers so much. I found our Ashley has died by depression. I miss her so much. It was hard to know this news ๐Ÿ˜ฅ๐Ÿ’•. I will forever miss you and you will be forever in our hearts. I also miss my other blogger friends who are inactive now. I hope my best blogger friends will come back someday. Here is a story about something I’m going through right now which is the change of selling our home in The Netherlands.

I look around in my home ๐Ÿก. All I can feel in the air is change. It feels like a total different home. Are we really going to sell our beloved family home? It feels strange. It makes me feel unsteady. Unsure about anything in life. My daddy always said change is the only constant in life which is true. It just feels hard. I feel all the feelings. I tell myself it’s okay. You don’t have to feel one certain thing. Emotions are mixed up always combined.

The cleaners came and they cleaned the whole house. It feels more fresh which is nice. The stylists came and changed our home and made it look more modern and presentable for the potential buyers. The next day, the photographer came and took pictures of the house. Now we will have to wait until everything is ready to have our house on the market online. It just feels strange.

Some random people come into your home. Change stuff and make it look totally different to be able to sell it better this way like what?! The first days after this happened I felt so unsettled. Totally not grounded. I felt grief. Loss. Missing my daddy in this emotional process ๐Ÿ˜ฅ๐Ÿ’”. It was also his idea and from my mamita of course to take this step. He will always be there for us in our hearts. It’s just hard.

It’s so important to feel at home in your house. It really makes the difference also for your mental health and whole wellbeing. I love to declutter but I don’t like a minimalistic home. That doesn’t feel like me. I also have a hard time to accept change or like feel grounded when these kind of things happen. It takes me awhile to get used to fake plants, some strange art and the change of the position of my bed. I think I will change that again haha because I wanna be able to sleep well. My mental and physical health always comes first above anything.

I have always loved the idea of going to live in Spain. I still love it. I love the food, culture, language, people, beaches, nature, climate and just everything there ๐ŸŒž๐ŸŒŠ. I just feel a lot of feelings which is okay. You can be happy about a change and hopeful but also feel unsettled and scared. It’s a loss and a blessing at the same time. Just taking it day by day and step by step is very important now for me. Otherwise I feel I’m getting bad again which isn’t worth it.

They say it’s just a house. It’s true but it’s a home full of memories with my family and friends. Those memories will forever be in my heart. It’s a huge change. I have lived here almost 30 years. It’s not like something easy. This house is my house for all my life. The one thing which at the end makes it easier to move on is the death of my daddy. Since he isn’t here anymore our home feels different. Too big. Too silence. Too much for us. At the end I know it will be kinda okay but for now we just have to keep swimming like Dory says. First you have to go through it until you feel like it all makes some sense ๐Ÿ™. They say every end is a new beginning so we will see what’s going to happen ๐ŸŒฑ.

Thank you all for reading my blog post. How do you deal with changes? Any tips for me? Let me know lovelies. I will speak to you all in my next blog post ๐Ÿ’•. I wish you alll a year full of love, health and happiness.

Much love ๐Ÿ’•,

xoxo Christina

Maybe feeling lost is okay

Hey lovelies ๐Ÿ’ž,

I have so many feelings and thoughts lately. Sometimes I had that urge to write on my blog but then I didn’t know how to write it all down. So, I don’t write. Right now I want to write it all down. Maybe it makes me feel a bit lighter. Writing always does. It is so therapeutic. I am writing for the first time in a journal again. I love to do some bullet journalling. It’s good for your mental health too. During therapy some months ago they also said to me that writing my thoughts down would be good for me. Sometimes I was writing some poetry about my dad passing away.

During a therapy session I said that I have had mixed feelings with the death of my daddy. I miss him but he was also a difficult person at times. Me and my mother suffered a lot these last years with him. He was also sick. He got through 6 operations. He suffered from pancreatitis and had diabetics. So, when he was angry it was intense. It caused us a lot of anxiety. I know he loved us deeply but there is generational trauma there. His parents were very strict. That made him the person he were. A lovely dad but also with a strong personality. I was always afraid when he was angry at me. Sadly, I still have that in my body. I am anxious when people are angry at me. I hate confrontations or discussions. I am afraid of making mistakes. It all comes down as a circle.

During that therapy session she said that it’s okay to feel all of these things together. I still feel that conflict in my body. It doesn’t go away so fast. Those are patterns which we need to break and it can takes years to break them down. We are so used to them so it’s hella difficult to change it. It’s what we were thaught to. I had some nightmares too about my daddy being angry at me. I told myself I was a bad daughter for dreaming that way about my daddy who passed away. I’m learning that I’m not a bad daughter. Those were just nightmares. I also miss him deeply. Whenever I see the stars shining in the dark night sky ๐Ÿ’ซ I think of my beloved daddy. He always said to look up a the sky and when you see a bright star it’s the planet Venus.

My daddy had a strong personality but he was always carrying on despite his sickness. That was one of his strengths. He was also always laughing about anything. If you can’t laugh about anything then it ain’t a good life. His pain from traumas in his life is what he carried through his children. Now, it’s our time to break down that pain and heal ourselves.

All of these feelings and thoughts also make me feel lost. I think I have always felt lost in life. I find it hard to accept that at times but it’s just the way I’m. Nobody knows what they are doing in life just so many people act like they know it all. To be honest, the older I get, the less I understand and know. The world keeps getting confuser and complexer. The one thing that is always there and won’t leave us is nature. Nature tells me it’s okay to feel lost. I am a hippie girl and free spirit by heart โœŒ๏ธ๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’ซ. I just don’t see myself settling with anything in life. Like I have too much chaos always in my mind and heart that I always am craving for deep connection, real love, adventure and creativity. I love to stay young in my heart.

Right now, I’m suffering from covid. I was vomiting, had fever, had stomach aches and now what’s left is that I’m super tired. So much fatigue. I already took some tests and now it’s negative. I have no idea for how long I will be this tired. I hope it doesn’t last for months. Does anyone have any experience with this?

Health is just the most important thing. Health and love. We all feel lost in life and it’s okay. We are just walking each other home. There is no right or wrong path in life, just going your own way despite of what other people may think of you. Do what makes you feel good. Always love yourself and just don’t care about other people’s opinions. It’s hard but worth it. Nobody has a perfect life. Never believe all the highlights you see on social media. It’s all fake.

Thank you all for reading this blog post. Have you had covid before? How do you feel about being lost in life? What are your thoughts on this? Let me know lovelies. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

Much love ๐Ÿ’ž,

xoxo Christina

5 years blogging anniversary! ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ’ƒ๐ŸŽโœจ๏ธ๐Ÿฆ‹

Hey lovelies ๐Ÿ’ž,

I can’t believe that I’m already 5 years blogging. It’s been such a long time. I still remember the very first day I began with this amazing blog. I was always looking for something where I could write. I just graduated college. One of my best pen pal friends was also blogging so I made the step to join too. I’m so happy I made that step. It definitely changed my life. Last year I didn’t wrote a blog post for this milestone.

This year I have been reading a lot. I can’t stop reading or writing. Those are one of the best things in the world. It makes me feel less alone. Sometimes you can’t find the right words for how you are feeling. Writing them feels so much easier than talking. I have anxiety at times when I try to explain something but when it comes to writing I don’t have that fear. It comes easily and natutally. I know I was born a writer thanks to my daddy who passed away in October. He was a teacher in theology. He wrote loads of books in Hebrish, Greek, Latin and English. I have that talent of writing from him.

This year in February I published a lil poetry book. To be honest, the publish agency from India was a bit of scam. I don’t even got my copies of the book. I had to buy it myself. I don’t even know if I will get the money from the books I sold. I’m thinking of selling it myself. That way no one can lie to me or benefit from the sales. It was a journey. I loved the poems I wrote in that book and the cover looked amazing ๐Ÿ˜๐ŸŒŠ. It’s all experience so I will look for other publishers another time. I would also love to do a course in creative writing. Free writing is the best. I can’t wait for the new book of Rupi Kaur which is calling Healing Through Words.

Without this blog I wouldn’t have find amazing friends all over the world who always support me. Thank you for supporting me in my low lows and in my high highs. I love you all so much ๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ˜ If anyone of you wants to be my pen pal, let me know. I love writing and stationery. This community means everything to me. I may not write many blogs as I used to because I prefer to write when I feel the need to write. I’m not that organised more like a chaotic person. Creative people are that way. It’s a good way to be. I get inspired by night like when I look at the stars and the moon. It’s what inspires me the most ๐ŸŒœ๐ŸŒ›๐ŸŒš๐ŸŒ๐ŸŒ โœจ๏ธ.

I’m SO blessed to have you all in my life. Thank you for everything. I will keep on writing. I have to admit that I miss the earlier days of blogging because some bloggers left. I really miss them. I don’t care about the stats that much but I miss the interaction. Blogging is still such an amazing way to connect with people, write about anything and a good way to write your thoughts down.

Writing your thoughts down is just such an important tool for helping your mental health. It is a good way for reflection on your thoughts. It helps against depression and anxiety. It makes you feel calm to write the chaos in your mind on paper. Sometimes we have just too much in our mind. It can make you feel lighter. To let things go which is so important to do. Some things are important to keep and some other things are better to let go from our minds and hearts.

I hope to enjoy more years of blogging along by your side. Thank you all for your endless support. I am really so blessed with all of your love. I wouldn’t be here without all of your support. We are here for the good and bad times. I hope to meet many more amazing bloggers along the way. I wish you all love, health and happiness. You all deserve that so much. Peace on mind and peace in our hearts in the midst of all the chaos of the world ๐ŸŒ.

Thank you for reading this blog post and all of them. Do you think blogging changed within the years? What do you love the most about my blog? Let me know lovelies. I will speak to you all in my next blog post. I hope you all stay safe and take care everyone.

Love you so much ๐Ÿ’ž,

xoxo Christina

Summer book reviews ๐Ÿ“š

Hola lovelies ๐Ÿ’ž,

I am happy to announce that I’m reading like never before. I’m reading so much these days. It’s my favourite thing to do. Reading is the best for my mental health too ๐Ÿ’–. It’s so relaxing. I love to read nowadays in the garden and on the beach with this sunny ๐ŸŒž weather. I will share some of my book reviews from the last months. I hope you will like it.

They both die at the end – Adam Silvera

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I give this book 3 stars because to be honest I liked it but not that much as others liked it. Sometimes books get overhyped. I heard so many good things about this book that I was like yesss let’s read this. I think it was the same with this one. I liked it but not like wowww. For me, it was not a life changing book. It was also strange that someone called them saying they were going to die that certain day. Also, the end of the book is just really abrupt. I felt like it would be better if the end was more slowly. I didn’t like such a fast end. I just have read better books than this one. Maybe other books from Adam Silvera will be good to read. We will see.

Where the crawdads sing – Delia Owens

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Omgggg this book was so good! I have read it so fast. I just couldn’t put it down. I can’t believe it’s a debut. I can’t wait for the movie this July. Also, Taylor Swift is making a song for the movie. Everything is soooo beautiful written in the book. Nature is so beautiful described. Really. Living in nature is more easier than living in our society. I so agree. The whole story is so beautiful made. Every detail in the book is so good. The characters were also so beautiful described. I can’t wait to read more books of her. This book made my heart and soul so happy. This is one of the best books I have read until now. I really wish there would be more books like this one to read.

Everything I know about love – Dolly Alderton

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Again a totally overhyped book. Sorry, no I’m not sorry. I thought it would be a great one and it is but just not much than that. I really liked some chapters but reading all the time about drunk parties and having sex with random guys made me feel uncomfortable. I find it disturbing to read all the time the same things. Like you have to know all of that before you turn thirty?! Nowadays, so many people are writing these kind of books like a biography of their lives. I find it boring to be honest. There were some good quotes in the book but just overall I don’t give it more than three stars.

Eleanor Oliphant is completely fine – Gail Honeyman

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This book is amaaaazing! I LOVED IT SO MUCH. It’s so good. It’s a story about grief and loneliness. This book came on the right time. I really feel that loneliness at times is so hard. It still feels like a taboo to feel lonely. There is also a big difference in being alone and feeling lonely. You can be alone and okay. With loneliness there are other factors involved. You can feel lonely even though you are surrounded by people. Maybe you are surrounded by the wrong people. Maybe you just feel lonely in life. I really love Eleanor so much. I care about her. I loved the funny stories of her and how she lived her life. Her mother was the worst. Feel sorry for Eleanor. This is also a debut like whaaaaat?! I can’t wait to read more amazing books of Gail Honeyman.

You and me on vacation – Emily Henry

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I LOVED THIS BOOK so much! Such an easy Summer book. I really love Poppy and Alex so much. They are so cute together. I loved their love story. I could really enjoy this story so much and I read it really fast. I can’t wait to read more books of Emily Henry. She is such a great writer. This book will just touch your heart.

Thank you all for reading this blog post. I hope you all liked it. Did you read any of these books? Did you like them? What are you reading now? Let me know lovelies. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

Much love ๐Ÿ’ž,

xoxo Christina

Summertime Sadness โ˜๏ธ

I just woke up. It’s already afternoon. I don’t care because it’s Summer. This is my time to let go and just feel free. Right now all I feel is Summertime Sadness. Lana Del Rey is amazing and I feel her music. Life is just really strange and changes so fast. I feel nostalgic for all the past times. I miss my dad a lot. Sometimes I’m just drinking something in a bar and then I feel an instant feeling of sadness. I wasn’t even aware of how sad I felt at that moment. I didn’t even know where that sadness came from.

Then I come home and feel really sad and begin to cry. The good thing about crying is that it makes you fall asleep. It is also so good for your nerves. Crying release so many emotions and SO much tension in your body. When someone says you are weak because you cry a lot, then just ignore this person. They certainly don’t know anything about mental health. We need to cry. Humans need to cry. We are the only species on this earth who can actually show these kind of emotions.

That sadness I felt was just my longing for my dad. It’s been almost a year now. In October it will one year of missing him. I don’t know how time passes by so fast. It’s strange to be in Spain and not have any calls of him. I remember his calls of being angry at me and saying you have to go to the dentist!!!! These kind of little things just mean so much now. There’s nothing that can make me feel better at that moment and that is okay. Sometimes all you have to do is just sit with that emotion, feel it and let it go.

Life is just hard. Loosing someone is the hardest and also the most vulnerable feeling you can feel. To love and let go is what life is all about. Accepting it and feeling all of it. It means that the love you felt for your loved ones was real and still is even though that person isn’t there physicallly anymore. I love you daddy. I know you would be proud of me. I wrote again a story for a writing contest. If I win it’s because you are the light that guide me my way in life. You are the moon that I look up to on the nights I can’t sleep. You are the stars that shine brightly in the dark sky. Always there for us.

Life is also beautiful. I am grateful for all the time spent with my daddy together with my lovely family. I am also grateful for the bad times. It teaches us the big life lessons which you can’t always learn from the good moments in life. In the bad moments you learn who your real friends are and who will always be there for you. Everyone can be there in the good moments but being there in the worst periods of your life is something else. Those are the people who will always be there for you. Those are the kind of lifetime people who will be there for you no matter what.

The only constant in this world, in this life is change. People change. Seasons change. The world is constantly moving. Panta rei kai oudรฉn mรฉnei is what my daddy always said. It’s Greek and means everything flows, nothing stands still which is so true. He was a theology teacher and saw religion as science. When I talked about how I’m afraid of death he always said to enjoy life because when you aren’t there anymore you can’t enjoy it. He said that it would be the same before you were born. I was always talking so deeply with my dad and laughing so much. I miss that the most.

Life is changing each day. I’m here. It’s all unvolving the way it has to be. Nothing stays the same. Nothing last forever. At the end it’s good because that way you appreciate more things. Never take anyone or anything for granted. Love each other โค. Love overcomes anything in life and is the most constant and fluid flow in life.

Never forget that we are all connected. We are all one with the world. One love ๐Ÿ’ž๐ŸŒ

Celebrating Midsummer ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ”ฅ๐ŸŒˆ๐ŸŒท๐ŸŒป๐ŸŒธ ๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ”ฎ๐Ÿฆ‹๐ŸŒŠ๐ŸŒž

Hola lovelies ๐Ÿ’ž,

I’m back with a nice blog post about celebrating Midsummer. I LOVE Summer. If you read my blog you know that I have always and always will be a Summer girl ๐ŸŒž๐Ÿ’ƒ๐Ÿฝ๐Ÿ’–. It’s my favourite season ever. Nature is beautiful. Trees are stunning. Flowers are blooming. The sky is blue. You hear kids playing in the park. Love is everywhere. What I love the most is more daylight!!! Thank God for the sun who brighten our lives and days. It gives you so much good energy.

So, we celebrated Saint John festivity. It’s after the Summer solistice. It’s such a nice fiesta. In Spain I always celebrated with a big bonfire ๐Ÿ”ฅ. You write three wishes and throw them in the fire or you write down some negative stuff and throw it in the fire. There are also students who put their books or homework from all the year into the fire hahaa.

I love my therapy group at Lievegoed. I didn’t went for a few weeks. I was not feeling well but then I actually have to go. I was also with my period and not feeling okay. It was nice to see everyone again. I feel so loved and seen there. I feel respected too. It’s so important. I have missed to feel this way at times in my life so to be in a group where you are feeling all the love is so special and sacred. Also the psychologists and other people from the team were there. They are all so kind. So lovely. It’s a blessing to be there.

We celebrated San Juan in the garden. It was beautiful weather. So sunny, 30 degrees omg which is so hot in The Netherlands!! ๐Ÿฅต๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿคฃ We were making flower crowns with fresh and beautiful flowers. It was a bit difficult at times but with help I could make it. There was also delicious food. It was all natural without sugar and gluten. It was also vegan. It was so good. I loved the chocolate pie, the salad and wraps. I drank loads of water too because it was so hot but I still had kinda headaches. I also loved the fruit. When it’s Summer it’s important to drink a lot and eat light food. I love fruits and salad ๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ“๐Ÿฅฆ๐Ÿฅ—.

One woman was reading us a story about San Juan. It was really nice. I wrote some wishes and some stuff I wanna let go of. I threw it into the fire ๐Ÿ”ฅ. Then we also jumped through the fire. It was super nice. They say it brings luck so let’s hope so ๐Ÿ€. I did my best hahaha. We also sang and dance. There was a man who was playing the guitar. It was like a mantra song about how we are all connected to each other and are one with the world ๐ŸŒ. It was so sacred and special. I really felt so at one with everyone and with nature.

I will show you some beautiful pictures from the day. I wish you guys were here too. I’m sure you would have loved it. I can’t wait to celebrate it again. I already miss these beautiful moments so much. It sometimes seems like the most beautiful moments passes faster than bad moments. They seem to last longer or it’s just that you keep that bad feeling longer.

Thank you all for reading this blog post. I hope you all liked it. Have you ever celebrated Midsummer? Have you ever made flower crowns? Let me know lovelies. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

Much love ๐Ÿ’–,

xoxo Christina

My 29th birthday ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ’ซ๐Ÿ’™๐ŸŽ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ณ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿท๐ŸŽ‚๐Ÿ’ƒ๐Ÿฝ๐Ÿคฉ๐ŸŒธ๐ŸŒท๐Ÿงœโ€โ™€๏ธ๐ŸŒž๐ŸŒˆ

Hola lovelies ๐Ÿ’ž,

It’s my birthday today. I’m turning 29 years YOUNG haha. Omggg last year of being in my twenties. It feels strange. Age is just a number, right?! It matters more how you feel in your body, in your mind and soul. The rest is just made up by society rules who are bullshit. Everyone deserves to live a nice life regarding which age you have. If you are breathing and living then you still have enough time to make all your dreams come true. Enough time for adventures ๐ŸŒ๐Ÿ’–, laughs and travels.

29 and more me than ever ๐ŸŒŠ๐Ÿš๐Ÿฆ‹๐ŸŒž๐Ÿˆ๐Ÿฆ„๐Ÿฑ๐ŸŒฑ๐Ÿ„๐Ÿพโ€โ™€๏ธ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’๐ŸŽ Blessed. Playful. Adventurous. Creative. Loved. My inner child healing.

I always crave a simple and fulfilling life. The less you own, the more happier you are. I truly believe that owning experiences and travels is more important than anything in the world. You can have thousand of euro’s but if you aren’t healthy or if you are unhappy then it doesn’t even matter. I really am thankful for my health. For my body. For my heart for always being open and caring. For being sensitive because that’s me. Being more and more myself is the most important way to live my life. Just being my authentic self which means being adventurous, playful and creative.

I still suffer from anxiety and depression at times but I’m happy it’s not that bad as it used to be. I was really ill last year. I feel more in sync with myself this year. Life changes constantly. Only love is always there. Since the loss of my beloved daddy in October I appreciate more things, give more love to the ones I love and just enjoy the little things because those are the big ones in life.

Of course, I love to get presents, cake and cards for my birtday ๐ŸŽˆ but it’s not the most important thing. I love to celebrate it with the ones I love. I’m a bit sick these days. My throat hurts. I will celebrate it at night with fondue with my mamita, brother and his wife. I miss my daddy. I wish to get a hug from him ๐Ÿ˜ฅ๐Ÿ’–. I will get one in my dreams. He always gave me the best presents together with my mamita. He always gave me money and last year I got the perfume from Ariana Grande. I will use it today too. I will celebrate it another day with my friends here and in Spain.

Birthdays are just more special when you are younger I guess. I really crave those moments of being a child. I also enjoy growing older and wiser and crazier hahaha. I just love to be that innocent child. To be honest, I still have that child in me. Most people think I’m in my teenage years so yeah haha better for me. It’s important to enjoy your inner child and let that inner child out. If you listen more to it then you will also do more things you truly crave for and like.

I also didn’t cry this time on my birthday. I’m just enjoying myself without any exceptations. It’s much better this way. I don’t feel that emotional. Just okay and it’s good. I already suffered way too much these years so it’s good to feel a bit normal for once. Not that being emotional is bad but I don’t like to feel depressed or anxious of course. Accepting myself is just really important in order to follow my dreams and to do the things I love to do.

I’m really happy for all your love, support and beautiful words which I have received over all these years. I really don’t know where I would be without this amazing space where I can vent whenever I want. I love you with all my heart. I wish to travel soon and I can’t wait to meet you all. We are always in this together ๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿ’ž๐Ÿ™. We will always be there for each other.

Thank you all for reading this blog post. Do you like your birthday? Do you have any birthday ritual you do? Let me know lovelies. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

I love you all so much ๐Ÿ’ž,

xoxo Christina

Vivid dreams ๐Ÿ’ญ

Hey lovelies ๐Ÿ’ž,

I’m going to share about my vivid dreams I’m having lately. It’s strange and sometimes feel like a nightmare. I really don’t like it then. This is also a result because of taking antidepressants. I have these vivid dreams now often. I know that many people who take antidepressants have these kind of strange dreams.

I dreamt that my daddy was angry at me. I dream that sometimes. Then I wake up being afraid and feeling not okay. Once I felt like a horrible daughter for dreaming like that. I had a breakdown and cried. I know it ain’t true but my brain makes me think sometimes awful things about myself. Besides, we are more tend to believe all the negative parts of ourselves than the positive parts.

I have had these kind of dreams often. My dad was sometimes angry at us but I know he wanted the best for us and loved us all very much. His anger made me have a trauma. I am anxious of people being angry at me. That comes from the past. From my daddy and from teachers who were angry at me and all the years kids bullied me. I think that it’s also a process of griefing. I just miss my dad very much. What I miss the most is to talk about the universe, love and just anything.

Just sometimes these kind of dreams are too intensive and can make me wake up in sweat. I don’t like to have these kind of nightmares. I love to dream but not that intense. I just don’t know what to do about it. If I stop one day with antidepressants then we will see wh happens. One day I dream that my dad is alive and then he is death again. It’s all so strange.

I don’t know what would happen the moment I quit with Zoloft. If I ever forget to take my antidepressants then I feel brain zaps. I also can wake up in sweat. I take them now for almost one year. Maybe I would still have vivid dreams. Dreams can always be strange though. I remember my daddy saying that he was also dreaming a lot when he was in coma. He was dreaming of a ship were everyone was praying. After two weeks he woke up in intensive care. He definitely had a trauma from the hospital.

I just wish to have nice dreams too and not only have nightmares. My daddy loved fishing so I wish to dream about being on a boat and just enjoying our time together. He always said to me that that would calm me. You have to have a lot of patience too. He used to fish alone somewhere in a lake. Being one with nature is the best. Nature doesn’t judge you. It is there alive like we all are.

Thank you all for reading this blog post. Do you also have vivid dreams? Do you take medication too? How do you feel? Let me know lovelies. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

Much love ๐Ÿ’–,

xoxo Christina

Spring bucketlist 2022 ๐ŸŒท๐ŸŒž๐ŸŒธ๐ŸŒป

Holaaaaa lovelies ๐Ÿ’ž,

One of my favourite times of the year is here: IT IS SPRING!!! ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿฅณ๐ŸŒท I’m so happy because Spring means we are closer to my favourite season of the year which is Summer. Summer is the love of my life ๐ŸŒž. I have so many plans for this Spring. I will try to pick the most important plans I have. A list of 10 things is always good otherwise it’s too much and then nothing happens.

1. Visiting flower fields ๐ŸŒท๐ŸŒธ

I LOVE the flower fields in The Netherlands. It’s so beautiful!! Spring time is the best period to visit The Netherlands because of the weather and the beautiful tulips. I can’t wait to visit the flower fields and also the tulip park called Keukenhof. It’s the most beautiful tulip park in the world. It’s full of beautiful flowers. There are more than 7 million bulbs planted. It’s incredible and also full of tourists.

2. Celebrate Easter ๐Ÿฃ

I love celebrating Easter time with my family. I would love to make some decoration on eggs. The chocolate is delicious. This Easter it will be different without my beloved daddy but we will make the best of it. We will also celebrate my brother’s birthday which is the 18th of April. I will also celebrate Easter at my therapy group. Everyone will bring something delicious to eat. I will make tortilla de patata with mamita which is typical Spanish food ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‡ฆ. Everyone is waiting with huge expectation for it ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ.

3. Enjoy the sunshine ๐ŸŒž

I can’t wait to enjoy the sunshine in the garden and just be able to read there. I also love to take some walks or bike rides in the park. The sun is just so important for our health. I feel more energy in my body and much happier when it’s sunny. In Holland you have to enjoy it while it last because you never know when it’s coming back ๐Ÿคฃ. The people here go crazy when there is one ray of sunshine.

4. Do some yoga ๐Ÿง˜๐Ÿฝโ€โ™€๏ธ

I do yoga sometimes but I would love to do it more. I used to do it so many times a week. There was even a time I did it everyday. I just wish to do it more and also outside when it’s sunny. Hopefully I can go back to some kind of routine. When you do it for yourself online it’s different then in a class. Maybe that’s why I get less motivated sometimes hahaha ๐Ÿคฃ. I love to do yoga online with Yoga Girl. I also like Yoga with adrienne. It’s good for my back and neck pain. It helps me to calm down too.

5. Plant some seeds ๐ŸŒฑ

I LOVE gardening so much right now!!!! I also do it during therapy and I’m learning so much. It’s so good for you to do. At home I’m already planting some amazing plants and flowers like strawberries, basil, chives, rosemary, flowers, sunflowers which are growing so well!!! ๐Ÿ˜๐ŸŒป I also bought a mint a plant for mint thea and lavender. It’s so beautiful to watch something grow. It makes you feel at one with nature. It also make you feel that everything goes slowly. Nature doesn’t know hurry. You can take all the time in your life. There is no need to hurry. Having hurry is mostly not good for you. It would be so good if everyone plants their own stuff. It would help the whole world.

6. Have a picnic ๐Ÿท๐Ÿธ๐Ÿน๐Ÿฅ—๐Ÿ‡

I would love to do a picnic at the beach or somewhere in the park with my friends and family. It’s an amazing idea and also low budget. You can just bring some pizzas, sangria, some veggies and fruits and just enjoy e on a sunny day ๐ŸŒž๐Ÿ˜.

7. Spend time in nature ๐Ÿ–๐Ÿ๐Ÿ•๐ŸŒŠ

Nature is here to enjoy it and to take care of it. Mother earth is always there when we need it. In the Spring time nature is more beautiful than ever. It’s an awakening also called a rebirth of the earth. I can’t wait to enjoy some sunny days om the beach and also in the park.

8. Try some new hairstyles ๐Ÿ’†โ€โ™€๏ธ

I would love to enjoy some new hairstyles. I don’t mean cutting it down because I never can change anything of my long hair haha. I will love to try some other hairstyles like having a braid or beach hair. I watched some videos on Youtube and it looks kinda cool to try. I hope I can do it and otherwise my mother can help me too.

9. Have a Spring clean ๐Ÿช 

Spring is the perrrfect time for cleaning and decluttering. Since my daddy died we are bring loads of stuff to the charity shops and I’m changing stuff in my room too. I would also love to donate some more and maybe sell some stuff. It feels so good to have an organized home. It helps you to be at peace in your mind aswell. I was really chaotic and so messy. If my daddy would see me cleaning my room he would definitely think I’m totally sick hahahah ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚. He always said that to me when I was doing some cleaning. He knew I  didn’t like to do it. When it’s done it feels amazing. It’s so much better for your whole health too.

10. Just enjoy it and be still ๐Ÿ™

For the rest, it’s just important to be still and just enjoy this season. You don’t have to do anything but just enjoy it. It’s not about reaching goals. It’s just about being there in the moment. If you don’t are present then you miss all the beauty in life. So, this is the season to be still. You are enough. You are loved and you are here to be. Just to be and nothing more. Always remember that.

Thank you all for reading this blog post. What is on your bucketlist for this Spring? How are you feeling? What is your favourite season? Let me know lovelies. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

Much love ๐Ÿ’ž,

xoxo Christina