Feeling done with this world πŸ˜’πŸ’”

Hey lovelies πŸ’•,

Today I will write a not so happy blog post. I like to share about my favourites and music reviews but I love to just write anything what’s on my mind because then I’m writing from my heart to yours. It makes me feel a bit better to let my thoughts go and I also hope it will help others to feel less alone. We all struggle in life with things only not at the same time. I hope I won’t sound too depressive but I just really don’t feel okay lately. Everything feels heavy and too much. I’m always my authentically self on this blog so I will try to be honest about my feelings and thoughts. When Summer ends I always feel this way because I’m a Summer girl forever. I don’t like dark days and less sun light.

I don’t know why I feel this way lately. Maybe it’s the thought of having to go back to Holland in two weeks. I have been SO happy here in Spain. I have been eating tapas a lot, drinking delicious milkshakes and ice creams, went swimming, went on a trip to the beach with my mother and surfed after 4 years πŸ„πŸŒŠ which I will share soon with you all, went for walks and saw my friends here a lot. I really have been enjoying life so much.

A few nights ago I cried about thinking having to go back to The Netherlands πŸ˜­πŸ’”. I don’t want. I’m just SO done with leaving my happy place. I love The Netherlands too. I love to see my friends and family there too of course. I’m just SO much happier in Spain. Just writing this makes me cry so much again. I just want to live here forever. I also experience anxiety here but at the end my heart longs for Spain. I’m also anxious that we won’t be able to go again for a long time because of the pandemic. I applied for jobs without any luck. If there’s one thing I know for sure is that I want to live in Spain permenantly.

I also feel anxious and depressed again to go to the dentist. I’m happy it went again well. In this blog post I talk about my experience of my second wisdom tooth removal. I still have to go twice but I’m more anxious for the lower wisdom teeth because they are in my gum. I don’t know whether to do it here now or in a few months. I’m really dreading it. I love this dentist but that doesn’t mean I’m not anxious to go anymore. Still feeling anxious and not okay. It’s still no fun. It isn’t a trauma and didn’t hurt that much afterwards. The only thing is that with the lower wisdom teeth extraction it will hurt a bit more. He said one or two points more, nothing like a brave women like you won’t be able to tolerate. It was really sweet what he said but I feel like I don’t want to be brave anymore.

I feel depressed lately and anxious 😞. I don’t know how to live life without feeling constantly anxious about something whether that’s going to the dentist, flying, going to an interview or anything else. I feel like I have no purpose and will never achieve my dreams because of anxiety. Then a friend of me said that it would be good to go to therapy. Well, I had some talks in the past and had to vomit every time and felt even more depressed and worse afterwards. I don’t want to go through that again. I also don’t like people giving me advice because like Yoga Girl said, we know ourselves the best. I love to get tips and recommendations but at the end this is my life. I just hate when people tell me what to do even though some will mean it well. I’m a helper and I have pleases way too many people in my life who didn’t deserve it. It’s my turn now to choose what’s right for me even though I sometimes don’t have any clue and feel lost as hell in life.

Everything what’s happening in this world right now also makes me feel totally not okay. I deactivated FB and my personal Instagram. Sometimes I think of deleting it all but that’s maybe too much I will just take a break. I’m done with seeing happy perfect pictures and fake lives. Inspiring people is what makes me happy and following others who inspire me too such as Yoga Girl, artists and other people. Social media often gived such as a false view of life. What you see isn’t real. I think that makes us all feel even worse especially when we are dealing with mental health illnesses such as anxiety, depression, bipolar, eating disorder or any other. To see people living their life best while you are not feeling okay will not help you. I giess it’s important to have a social media detox. I feel different while blogging because I’m just completely myself without feeling I will be judged. Blogging is my safe space and will always be πŸ™πŸ’–.

Everything feels too heavy for me lately. I decided to stop watching news or anything triggering my mental health too. It’s not being egoistic but I really can’t deal with any negative news happening in this world anymore. It’s too much for my highly sensitive brain. I can’t take it anymore. I think for the people who are already sensitive for negativity and also are struggling in life, this pandemic hit really hard. I remember when it all began in March and I was just lying in bed thinking about the world ending. I still sometimes think of this question: How can I cope in this world when I don’t see any light in the tunnel? When is this going to end? My anxiety goes to the roof when I don’t know the end point of something. I know that when I go to the dentist half hour later I feel okay again. With this it’s different. No one knows when this pandemic will end and if it will end one day. It makes it definitely more scary which makes me feel even more anxious.

I’m happy I live a more normal life here in Spain. For many months I was at home and only going on a few walks. I have been doing loads of fun stuff here but always doing social distance, wearing a mask which I hate because it gets so warm, and washing my hands a lot. I just feel that even though we have the internet, it makes us feel more isolated and lonelier too. Yes, video calls and chatting is nice but it will NEVER replace real human connection. Seeing each other face to face and hugging each other is the most valuable things ever in life. Having a vulnerable conversation with someone we love, crying on someone’s their shoulder, helping a stranger, giving someone a hug will never be the same online. The online world will never give you the same feelings. Seeing everyone being afraid of each other and not wanting to be near to them breaks my heart even more. Really?! What has the world become? I know they are many things to be grateful for like being more present, slowing down and spending time in nature. It’s just really hard sometimes.

This was basically my rant of how I feel in life regarding to the pandemic, this world and just my feelings. I hope we all have a safe space to be able to talk about our feelings without being judged. I’m here for you all and hope you are all being safe πŸ™πŸ’–.

Thank you all for reading this blog post. How are you all doing? What are some tips you have for me for coping with anxiety with everything what’s happening in this world? Do you also feel better when doing a social detox? Let me know lovelies. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

Much love πŸ’•,

xoxo Christina

July favourites πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡ΈπŸŒŠ

Hey lovelies πŸ’•,

I’m really behind some blog posts like my favourites and music reviews which I do every month. I don’t want to feel like blogging is chore because otherwise it ain’t no fun anymore. It just makes me frustrated at times. I still want to keep this series going but not if I get frustrated of not writing it one month. It doesn’t matter right?! It’s okay to write it whenever I feel the passion for it. Let’s move on to my favourites of July. It was a beautiful month πŸ’•. It seems SO long time ago when it’s just two months ago. I experienced beautiful things such as finally going to Spain, beach days in The Netherlands, had a lunch date with my bestie, bought a beautiful bikini from the surf brand Billabong and more I will share below.

Things I did with my lovely family πŸ‘¨β€πŸ‘©β€πŸ‘¦:

Celebrating the birthday of my brother and niece πŸŽ‰πŸŽ‚πŸŽˆ

Finally after more than a half year I saw my brother and niece πŸ˜πŸŽ‰. We hadn’t seen them since Christmas time. They live in the South of The Netherlands. It’s almost two hours by car. Due to the pandemic we haven’t seen them which made me feel so sad. Of course we used video call a lot but it’s not the same. My brother’s birthday was on the 14th of July and my niece turned 5 years on the 16th of July. I bought my niece a snow ball to colour in the pages and some glitter stickers which she loves a lot (and me too!! haha!!). I bought my brother some stuff for the kitchen which he needed and Happy Socks 🧦 which he loves a lot. He was very happy with the presents. I missed them so much.

I wish my niece could stay always that little. She’s a lovely princess πŸ‘Έ. Sometimes I wish to be that little again because you see the world with different eyes. I loved how she whispered in my ears if we could go to my room and play. My room is a fair for her 🎑. It’s full of stuff and colours and cute items. Noanne also said that I’m so sweet. My heart melts with her sweet words. She said she would find shells on the beach and think of me. She learns me how to love myself on the moments when I feel I can’t love myself. I love to hear her talking about the universe, the sun 🌞, the moon 🌜, the stars ✨, dinosaurs and everything. They say you learn the most of children which is so true. Their beliefs aren’t shaped. The world is their playground. I truly believe and feel with all that’s happening in the world, we have to go back and find our inner child and play. I don’t mean ignoring the pain and suffering in the world. I just think it’s important to have a balance with that and to always be reminded that there’s still a child in us who would love to be free, wild and making their biggest dreams come true. We need to care about our inner child always. Love yourself just like a child does.

Travelling to Spain ✈️πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡Έ

I’m SO happy to be back in Spain after 7 months. I’ve missed it so much. I’m happy to see my friends again. You can read about my trip with my mother HERE. I never want to go back to The Netherlands. I love Spain so much and really can’t wait to find work here and live here forever 😍. I love the people, the food, the sunshine every day and it’s such a beautiful country where you can enjoy mountains, beaches, desserts, forest and just anything. I was anxious to travel but everything went well. I hope that we can keep coming back because I don’t want again to wait so long to go back to Spain. I was also happy to see my friends from my studies at the station of Madrid. It was such a coincidence. I hope to see you guys soon.

Beach days in The Netherlands 🌊🌞

I finally went to the beach after almost one year. My heart was craving it so much. I missed my happy home, my paradise πŸ’ž. The sea heals everything. I’m forever a mermaid πŸ§œβ€β™€οΈ. One day I will live at the ocean and will never have to leave again. We went biking for 18 km. We ate delicious kibbeling, potatoes, salad and a swirl ice cream. It was delicious. Fortunately, it was only raining a bit and we could enjoy the sunshine. Pura vida! We also saw bambi in the dunes. So cute! So blessed with this beautiful world we live in. It’s the little things which mean the most in life. I loved seeing my dear friend from primary school and from my choir at the beach. I missed you so much! It’s been years since we saw each other. I hope to see each other soon again.

Golden hour at the beach πŸŒ…

I’m happy we finally went swimming in the sea. That day we ate a delicious salad at a beach restaurant. We enjoyed a beautiful sunset on the beach. It’s one of those beautiful moments you wish that last forever. So magical and pure πŸ₯°. My wild heart is full of freedom, love and happiness on the beach. The bad thing was that we biked 🚲 for 30 km long haha . On the way back home the bridge was broken so we had to go through whole Haarlem to go back home. Our home is surrounded by water so we really needed to through another bridge to come home lol. It was a beautiful and unforgettable day.

Enjoying ice creams πŸ¨πŸ˜‹

I enjoyed some delicious ice creams with my mother. I love the Italian ice creams near to where my brother lives. We always go by bike. I had one with mint chocolate chip ice cream and straciatella. My mother had one with lemon and whipped cream. It was all so delicious!

Watched The Beauty and the Beast, Grease and Up for love 🎬

I watched some nice movies with my mother. I loved The Beauty and the Beast so much. One of my favourite actresses is Emma Watson. She is the best! I cried watching this beautiful movie. I loved it so much. I also loved watching Grease on a Summer night in Holland. Grease is just such a feel good movie and perfect for the Summer. I love the songs so much. They make me SO happy. I watched with my parents Up for love too which is a movie about a man who is very little and falls in love with a woman. They make jokes about him because of his length. It’s a great movie which let us see that everyone deserve the right to live a good life and that people have to be more kind to each other and not judge anyone.

Things I did with my lovely friends πŸ’•:

Lunch date with my bestie along the river in Haarlem πŸ’ž

I had such a great day with my bestie in Haarlem. We basically ate and drank all day long hahaha. That’s why we are best friends 😍🍴. We had a delicious lunch at Ted’s place. We loved it so much. My bestie ate a portobello sandwich with hummus and spinach and I had a delicious vegan French toast with fruits, almond milk, cinnamon sugar and maple syrup. I also loved the fruit smoothie so much with acai, strawberry, blueberry, blackberry, banana and more. It was such a aesthetic place to eat. The sun was shining too which was perfect. I’m also happy I finally bought some Summer clothes. As dinner we ate at Freakin Vegan. We loved the burger, wrap and green tea. We ate the whole day vegan and I LOVED IT. I can’t wait to eat more vegan food because it’s better for the environment, good for your health and it’s delicious too πŸ˜‹.

Beautiful pen pal letters πŸ’Œ

I got some beautiful letters this month. I got one from Rosie which I loved so much. I loved the goodies too. I loved the quote card. I got a new pen pal friend too. I loved the post from Katherine. I also loved the mail from my lovely friend Chloe. The handmade card from sunshines is so cute and makes me SO happy!! I also love the moon card and the stickers. Thank you for being one of my best friends. I love you all so much.

Sharing circle with Yoga Girl πŸ’–βœ¨

I loved the first sharing circle I joined on Zoom. I was anxious to do it. It was the best thing ever. It’s so special and so sacred. Thank you Rachel and the whole Yoga Girl team for making this happen. I love this community so much. Together with more than 60 people we entered a safe space to share our feelings, thoughts and we hold space for each other. We listened and did meditation all together. It was SO pure, honest and beautiful I cried. Then we met our partner and talked about our struggles with them. One has to speak and the other has to stay silent. You think that’s easy but it isn’t. We are so tend to intreput each other and give each other advice. Rachel said we have the answers in our own heart. We always seek advice from others but we know ourselves the best. We have to listen more in life instead of talking. We need our hearts to hold space for us. I loved my sharing partner from Germany. It was an amazing talk. Thank you so much! I can’t wait to go to a yoga retreat in Aruba πŸ‡¦πŸ‡Ό too. We are all walking each other home. Love you all! πŸ’–

Other amazing things of July πŸ’–:

New bikini from Billabong πŸ‘™

I finally got a new bikini!!! I really needed one because the ones I have are too big now. I think it’s because of washing them. I bought one online and thank God it fit perfectly. I love all the surf brands πŸ„β€β™€οΈ. Billabong is one of my favourites. I love the new bikini which is green, black together with sunflowers on it. I’m using it a lot this Summer. It costed €40 instead of €70 so big sale. I bought it on Zalando. I love this website.

New dresses and floral shorts πŸ‘—

I bought some nice clothes the day I went on a lunch with my bestie in H&M. I bought some nice floral shorts and a red dress. I didn’t had any Summer clothes in The Netherlands so I really needed to have some haha. I also bought a beautiful blue floral dress from Shein. I’m happy with my new clothes.

Virtual concert of Operación Triunfo 🎢

I saw a virtual concert of the Spanish talent show OperaciΓ³n Triunfo. It was from Madrid, WiZink Center. I loved it so much. I was also a virtual public there. They could see us from the stage. I danced a lot, sang and had lots of fun πŸ’ƒπŸŽ€. Of course, I miss going to concerts. I really can’t wait to go to a concert again because it has been more than a year since I last went to one. There’s nothing more precious than being in a concert and seeing your favourite artist live. It gives me so much happiness and makes me feel so alive!!

Thank you all for reading this blog post. I hope you liked it. Do you like my new bikini and new clothes? Do you like to eat vegan food? What did you do in July? Let me know lovelies. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

Much love πŸ’•,

xoxo Christina

I faced my anxiety again and got my second wisdom tooth extraction! πŸ’ͺπŸ¦·πŸ‘Š

Hola lovelies πŸ’•,

On the 24th of August I faced my dentist anxiety again. By then I still had to get rid of three wisdom teeth. Now only two 🦷🦷 lol it sounds less which makes me feel a bit more calm and happier. Yeahhhh I say byebye again to one wisdom tooth! πŸ˜‚. In this blog post I will tell you about my experience. I always love to talk about the things I fear on my blog and also related to anxiety because I know I’m not the only one facing these fears. It makes me feel less alone and writing release some anxiety which always good. Writing means healing and letting go.

So, the night before I was SO anxious again 😭. People say that the more you do something, the less scared you are. It ain’t no true when you suffer from a mental illness like anxiety. I still feel anxious even if I do something a million times like flying or going to the dentist. My heart was beating fast the night before and the day itself which was Monday. My appointment was late in the afternoon. I felt nauseous too. I always don’t eat much when I do something which scares me because otherwise I have to tendency to vomit because of anxiety. It always makes me feel ashamed to admit that but it doesn’t matter because everyone has something. There’s no person in this world who is never anxious. I just feel it a million times more which makes it so hard. The last time I went for a wisdom tooth extraction was in January. This time I could except more what would happen which maybe made me feel a bit more grounded. I also went swimming a lot the days before and did some meditation but I still felt so anxious.

I deciced together with my dentist that the best thing is to do it one by one. People said to me why don’t you just get rid of the four in one time. That treatment would be longer, I would have more pain and even more anxiety. Here in Spain they do it one by one, much better. Besides, I have to do what makes me feel good and not what other people except me to do. As I suffer from anxiety, I prefer to do things in parts. If you are anxious about something like going to the dentist or studying for an exam, a good way to release some anxiety is to break that daunting task into little parts. This way your brain will take it better. For me it works. I get really overwhelmed when I have to do something scary all at once.

The thing which makes me keep going to the dentist even though I’m scared is trust. I trust this dentist and his team. I trust them with all my heart πŸ’–πŸ™. I’m always afraid of people hurting me because of being bullied in the past. It makes me trust people less. Here I feel safe and respected. If I’m anxious, so be it. If I cry then that’s okay too. Trusting in people whether those are professionals, your friends or family is so important. We all need this in life. It gives us a sense of safety. I had to wait at the dental clinic with my mother for more than a half hour because there were more people. I drank some water and prefered to wait there then go outside. I was the last one because they close at 8.30/9.00 PM. Fernando (the dentist) came and I was like bybye I will go run away 🀣. He found that funny. I love it how you can call them their first names and they do the same with me. It makes it all less scary and more familiar.

So, I lay down and said how I would prefer to be on a beach right now. He laughed. I really find it funny how dentists talk with their patients while they are doing stuff in their mouth it’s like halooooo how can I talk normally?! I know they do it to ease the tension and be less anxious. Just when he was putting the local anesthesia in my mouth he asked me if I was working or studying. I said no. I said that I spent my time crying and having anxiety in life. It’s not totally true but I said that I’m also writing for some poetry competitions. Unfortunately I didn’t win any of them. Then he said oh you can have a blog. I said that I have one. I said: “I wrote about you haha”. Fernando: “I hope it was something positive.” I said: “No haha πŸ˜‚.” He looked at me like big eyes πŸ‘€. I was like no of course something positive! πŸ’ž He was happy to hear that. End well haha. It’s so nice to talk to him because it feels like I’m talking to a friend instead of a doctor.

This time I felt the needle πŸ’‰ of the local anesthesia even less. I got again the squeeze shark haha 🦈. I have it in my hands and can squeeze it. It helps for people who are anxious. Fidget toys help too. Fernando is even specialised in people who have anxiety because he definitely makes me feel so at peace. He said breath in slowly, breath out slowly and it worked. Then my mouth was numb and he could take my teeth out. It took a bit more time to get this teeth out but eventually it went well. All the time he asked if I had pain and I said no. I just felt some pressure. Then I heard click and that moment was the one he took my teeth out. There wasn’t even much blood. This time I saved the teeth. It’s now at home haha I will keep it for the tooth fairy lol. I wish I were that young again. I don’t know what he does but he is amazing. Best dentist evah. I really love them so much 😍😭.

He prescribed me again antibiotics, probiotics and ibuprofen for the pain. We had a lovely chat afterwards. He said that maybe I could have low blood pressure if sometimes I’m dizzy and anxious. He wanted to go to Mallorca but this year he won’t go on holidays because of the pandemic. I told him he is very tan haha. He is just really handsome. We got a free toothpasta. He said he don’t watch so much news which is much better. Then he told us a horrible story. Fernando said a man from 82 years old died by suicide this year because he was done with reading only negative news πŸ˜”πŸ˜’. It really hit him because he was a patient of him. It happened in front of the dental clinic. It’s really horrible to know that so many people are suffering now from mental health illnesses and nobody is doing saying anything about it. This pandemic is hitting us all hard economically, health wise too and mentally. I stopped reading and watching the news these last months because I couldn’t cope with it too. I get into a negative and anxious spiral which is difficult to get out of. I just want to know some stuff regarding travelling because we are always between Spain and The Netherlands but that’s it. I know me, my mother and my friends follow the safety measures which are washing our hands, wearing a mask and do social distance. I can’t control others so that’s it. It makes me so sad that this man didn’t had any support and felt so low to end his life. My heart is with him.

After this talk Fernando said don’t forget to have the gauze 20 minutes. I said yes but uhhh it was 30 minutes, right?! He said 10 minutes has passed now haha talking. We both laughed lol I really these chats so much. Everything goes so smoothly and so chill. It feels like I’m chilling with a friend. I have felt so much emotions these days. I was feeling low and high on energy. After having so much anxiety I felt relief and I felt again the feeling of letting something go. I may loose all my wisdom teeth but at the end I gain wisdom from this experience. I felt also very tired these days, maybe it’s because of the meds. The first night I couldn’t sleep on the side I always sleep so it frustated me. I had pain for a few days and now I feel almost like normal again. I ate solid food, some soft bread, gazpacho which is a delicious cold Spanish soup, tortilla de patata, pasta and veggie pures. It was all so delicious. I miss pizza πŸ•πŸ˜‹ though haha.

On Wednesday I went again for a check up at the dentist I had this white dress on and make up. I love to look good for myself. Then I was sitting on the chair and he said that I looked very good (EstΓ‘s muy guapa). And then without thinking I said haha for you πŸ˜‚. This is me being direct always 🀭. Fernando found it funny lol. He also said that the lower wisdom teeth removal will hurt a bit more but nothing like a brave woman like me won’t be able to tolerate. I felt completely flattered. If more men would be like him, this world would definitely be a better place. Of course, I love to look well for me. I will never ever again change myself for anyone. In the past I’ve done that which means wearing high heels for my ex but I really hated it. He said it made me have more self confidence. Wrong!!!! I did that for him. He said all girls wear high heels. I let the wild woman roar 🐺, the more authentic and honest I’m with myself. Not everyone likes that but that doesn’t matter. This is me. I’m my beautiful self which is the best way I can be. I’m a wild woman, watch me rise up πŸ”₯

The thing is that sometimes I feel like I’m in love with this dentist 😍πŸ₯°. Maybe it’s just me being cray cray haha. I think this feeling is normal when doctors take such good care of you, respect you and know how to care about your mental health too. I come from a traumatic experience in The Netherlands where a dentist said I’m childish and 15 years old. Now, I have a totally different experience which makes me feel in awe with the world. There are so many good people out there who wants best for you. Someone who gets me when I’m anxious deserves it all. I really need it. I don’t know if these feelings are mutual lol in love what?! I guess he just knows how to be there for me and make me feel less anxious. I hope that the next two times I have to go will go also well even though I still will be anxious. That will not change because I’m an anxious person but of course it’s not part of my personality. It will never be. I’m a loving, sensitive and caring person who suffers from anxiety. That’s the difference. We are all in this together. We are never alone in our struggles. I’m always here for you all πŸ™.

Thank you all for reading this blog post. I hope you liked it. Did you also had to have a wisdom teeth extraction? Was it painful? What do you think of the things my dentist said to me? Is it love haha? Let me know lovelies. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

Much love πŸ’ž,

xoxo Christina

Happy three year blogging anniversary! πŸŽ‰πŸŒ»βœ¨πŸŒˆβœŒοΈπŸ˜πŸŽˆ

Hey lovelies πŸ’ž,

I’m so happy to write this blog post! On the 16th of August my blog turned three years πŸŽ‰πŸŽ‚πŸΎπŸŒˆπŸ˜. Happy three years blogging anniversary to my lovely blog and safe space! ✨ I can’t believe I’m blogging for three years already. I even forgot that it was today due to the crazy times we live in right now. I never take my blog for granted. I’m so proud of this achievement. My life wouldn’t be the same without my blog. It’s a seed 🌱 I planted 3 years ago which grew. I’ve almost 500 followers now. I will tell about some blogging plans I have in this blog post, some statistics and just some thank you words because I’m so grateful for all of you who have supported me during this crazy adventure. I love you all so much πŸ’ž.

I have always loved writing. I used to write in journals and diaries πŸ“. I still write some of my thoughts and poetry in a journal. I would love to use it more though. Writing is a form of expressing myself in a way I can’t while speaking. I also would love to be able to write some songs because I love singing too. Writing definitely heals our heart. We are told to not share our struggles or our feelings when it’s so much better if we do it in order to heal our hearts. Blogging makes me so happy. I never knew that I would meet so many amazing and beautiful people like you all are. You all mean the world to me. I really wouldn’t know what I would do without you all. Your support and love makes my heart glow from happiness. You all mean so much to me. You make me all so happy and I love to get inspiration from you all. I hope you also get inspired ✨ by my words and feel less alone.

To be honest, I never expected my blog to grow and find such inspirational people on there. I remember I was searching on Google three years ago on how to gain followers or grow my blog. If I knew back then that it will just happen day by day. I just have to be myself and create quality content. It has to make me happy and if it makes me happy then it can make others happy too. Not everyone has to like you and you have to be okay with that. There will be always people out there who won’t agree with you but that doesn’t make you a bad person. Not everything is about us. The internet can be a nasty place but also such a beautiful one. The blogging community is the loveliest community ever. We all respect each other and are there for each other. It’s so rare to find nowadays. I love to write about mental health, self love, feminism, travel trips, poetry, books, new music which comes out and just anything I love or want to share. I don’t like to have a special niche because I love to write about anything I like without having to limitate myself. I’ve always a lot on my mind so I love to share it with you guys haha πŸ˜‚β€οΈ.

Now, I would love to share some blogging statistics from this year. I love to be able to look back and think about how much my blog grew during these three years.

Some blogging statistics from this year:

Followers: 499 (Almost 500 whoehoe, last year I had 379)

Blog posts: 211

Views: 20.384 (Wow over 20K!)

Visitors: 12.584

Best day: April the 7th 2019, the day I got the most views

Day most popular: Monday, a new week! (18%)

Hour most popular: 11:00 PM (6%)

Some of my blog posts wich are the most popular and got the most views were:

I will never hurt people the way they hurt me (444 views)

Hey, you. Don’t give up, okay? βœ¨ (394 views)

I feel like everyone is living their best life, except me (311 views)

A to Z of my favourite things in life (300 views)

Do you think it’s possible that some people are born to give more love than they will ever get back in return? πŸ’• (1002 views, I guess many followers come to my blog from this blog post, it’s also one of my favourite posts)

Top 10 countries that have visited my blog 🌍:

I find this such an amazing thing to look at when I look at the statistics. So many people from all over the world visit my blog. It’s so crazy! I think it’s amazing. Sometimes I also see countries which I don’t know such as Palau, Togo or The European Union lol which is not a country. I exactly know which bloggers friends visit my blog when I look at the stats haha.

1. United States (3713 views)

2. United Kingdom (937 views)

3. India (866 views)

4. Canada (465 views)

5. The Netherlands (453 views, including my views haha)

6. Philippines (338 views including me)

7. South Africa (313 views)

8. Indonesia (259 views)

9. Australia (246 views)

10. Singapore (210 views)

One of my blogging plans in the future would be to go self hosted one day. I will do that when I don’t have any free space left. I’m anxious to do that because I heard stories of bloggers loosing their content. If you do it on WordPress it wouldn’t be a problem, right?! I would love to learn more about this topic. I also would love to be able to maybe earn money from my blog. I invest so much time in it and I’m still looking for a career. I would love to be able to gain money while being a writer. I hear people saying how difficult it is. I know that already but what if I make my dreams come true. What if we all make our wildest and biggest dreams come true? 🌠 It doesn’t matter what others tells us because we have the right to persue whatever we want to achieve. I believe the universe has a plan for all of us.

One of my other goals is to gain 1000 followers. It isn’t about the followers but it’s nice to be able to reach this blogging milestone. It will take time and patience and I will keep blogging. I don’t like all those influencers and people only focusing on followers and numbers because it isn’t the most important thing. It isn’t real. I would rather have less followers but the ones I have being active and not passive followers or ghost followers which exists a lot these days. I also don’t like those bots on Instagram which only post disgusting comments always. It’s annoying πŸ˜’.

I also would love to be able to meet you all one day 😍. That’s one of my biggest dreams because it would be so nice to finally be able to see you and hug you all. We can’t hug now due to this pandemic but hopefully soon we can. I would love to guide you in Spain or in The Netherlands. I would also love to be able to travel to your country and see more of the world. I love travelling the world. I would love to talk with you about my life, dreams, fears, the things I love or just anything. We could go for a drink, eat some delicious tapas, go to a concert together 🎢, write blog posts together, sing, dance πŸ’ƒ, surf πŸ„β€β™€οΈ, take pictures and just enjoy each other’s company. It would make me the happiest girl in the world. I’ve made life long friends because of blogging.

I just want to say thank you for everything. I’m so blessed to have you all in my life πŸ™βœ¨ I love my real life friends and online friends so much.  Everytime I feel my life is turning upside down and I feel like the clouds are crying with me I turn to my blog and I begin to write about everything what’s on my mind no matter how dark or heavy it’s. You guys always help me in these moments. You are always there for me. I appreciate that so much. It feels good to know that I’m not alone in my struggles and that there’s someone who understands me and cares about me even when we have never have met. Online friends are real friends too. I can’t wait to meet you all one day. We will ALWAYS be friends ❀️ yeahhh.

Thank you all for reading this happy blog post. I hope you liked it. What do you love about my blog? Do you think we will ever meet? Do you think that internet friends can be real friends too? What are some blogging plans you have? Let me know lovelies. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

I love you all so much πŸ˜πŸ’žβœ¨,

xoxo Christina

I see humans but no humanity πŸ’”πŸ˜’

Hey lovelies πŸ’•,

I wanted to write a more happier post but I always want to be honest on my blog so I won’t do that. I’m always vulnerable and real on my blog. I always write straight from my heart. Writing straight from my heart also gives me the most inspiration. I don’t like to plan blog posts. It has to flow like life too. These days I don’t feel okay so I will write about my feelings and thoughts. I hope you are all okay and safe. I’m here for you too. This blog post will be about my health, how I feel and about humanity. It feels good to write it all down and have a more sense of peace in my mind.

I was very happy the first days I arrived in Spain. I have been eating delicious tapas, ice creams 🍦🍨🍧, milkshakes, enjoyed the sunshine 🌞 and went swimming a lot πŸŠβ€β™€οΈ. The last days I have felt low and kinda depressed. I also had my period so I’m always more sensitive to everything during that time of the month. Besides, I’m really tired and my throat hurts a lot when I swallow, drink or eat something. It feels like it’s swollen too. If anyone knows me well, you know how anxious I’m about dentists or doctors so I will wait a few more days. The bad thing is that nowadays many people think easily oh no it’s Corona when you can have something else. I don’t have fever or anything. I just hope that it will go away soon. I really want to feel better again.

I also am beginning to feel anxious again to have to go to the dentist in two weeks. I still have to get rid of three wisdom teeth but it’s really draining me. I’m so done with it. It makes me so anxious 😒🦷. The dentist and his team are very lovely but it’s still no fun. Again feeling numb, then not eating a few days and taking meds for pain. It was worse than I imagined but still not fun. The anxiety I feel is always worse than the thing itself. Anxiety is a monster and I would love to be able to tame it one day. I will use valium to calm myself down. I’m so grateful for my mother who is always there for me to hold my hand and be at my side. I couldn’t do anything scary without her help. I really would be so lost. I love her so much. She is the kindest and most loveliest person ever.

I’m a highly sensitive person which means that I feel every emotion more. I feel others suffering more and also love more. It’s a gift but can also be a curse sometimes. I feel others pain deeply. Some of my friends are dealing with emotional stuff. I feel them. I feel people suffering from the pandemic. It hurts me so much to see so much pain in the world. I have been feeling very emotional and sad too these days. I can’t deal with people doing bad things to good people. It breaks my heart πŸ’”. Why is there so much hate in this world? Why can’t people just be nice and kind to each other or is that too much to ask for? I really would love to have some answers on that but I don’t have. I don’t know why bad things happen to good people. It’s so unfair.

I have felt this way too because of the harrasment which yoga_girl is receiving just because she said that’s better not to travel now to Aruba from a country with a high risk of the virus. Aruba suffers from an economic crisis because it depends on tourism. I can understand that but the health and safety of the citizens are more important. I think that’s obvious. I just can’t understand how people find it okay to treathening other people lives. It’s so scary. Rachel and her family have received hate and what’s worse than that is threats. They even stalked their house. I’m happy they are safe now. It would be a shame if they have to move because of some locals being aggressive to them. I’m so happy to be part of the yoga community and will forever be βœ¨πŸ™πŸ’–. We are all here for you guys. Rachel, you are such a light in this world and have healed so many hearts including mine. I’m still healing though. I can’t thank you enough. Be safe. I love you so much.

I have also noticed that I feel more like myself these days. The more I feel, the more I feel like myself because this is who I’m. I get anxious, I get depressed, I feel low but I also can be happy and feel gratitude in my heart. I feel it all. Even though sometimes I find it really hard to live in this world because there are so many scary things and bad people out there too. I’m grateful for the good people I have in my life. I’m so happy to have this beautiful blogging community too who’s always there for me too. I can’t wait to meet you all one day and thank you. You are always there for me when I’m sad and celebrate my happy days. We will always stick together forever.

I wish there would be more people like you all in this world πŸ’žπŸ™. Sometimes I definitely feel like there are so many bad people and things out there. I get scared and anxious and feel such a heavy feeling on my shoulders. I wish for peace, respect and compassion and being one with the world. What the world needs right now is union and not more separation 🌍. There’s already too much of that and it didn’t bring anything good.

May we all find the light and love in our own hearts and spread it to the world ✨. This world needs healing, so much love, compassion and kindness. It will never be enough. What this world needs right now is a group hug which would be now in distance with the pandemic but you all understand what I mean. More love, less hate. More compassion, less cold-hearted people.

Thank you all for reading this blog post. I hope you can understand and respect my feelings. How are you feeling lately? Are you also anxious of going to the doctor or dentist? What do you think of humanity? Do you also find it unfair that bad things happen to good people? Let me know lovelies. I will speak to you all in my next blog post. Be safe you all and remember we are never alone in our struggles. Like I always say, we are always in this together πŸ’ͺπŸ’–.

I love you all so much πŸ’•,

xoxo Christina

Holaaa from Spain after 7 months not being able to travel! πŸ˜πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡ΈπŸŒŠπŸŒžπŸŒ΄πŸŒ»

Hola lovelies πŸ₯°,

I’m finally back in Spain since last Tuesday. I CRY BECAUSE I MISSED IT SOOOO MUCH 😍πŸ₯ΊπŸ₯°. Just writing this makes me cry again and gets me so emotional. I’m behind some other posts but I think I’m not going to write them anymore. I have been feel a bit stressed about my blog lately like I have to blog about this, not miss this and it’s not good. I’m always a perfectionist so when I finally do something after procastinating then I want to do it good. I prefer quality blog posts then just posts for the sake of it. This blog post will be about my journey to Spain, how I feel, things I have on my mind and how things are right now due to this pandemic. I really missed having a good chat with you guys. This post is basically going to be a rant haha πŸ˜‚. I hope you will like it.

I can’t believe we are already in August like wtf this year is the longest and the shortest ever 😳. How do you feel about it? So much has happened in the world these months because of the pandemic. I really imagine myself cheering the new year last year and we all didn’t know what was about to come. It makes me feel bittersweet though. I don’t know how to feel about a new year coming because I don’t know what we have to except. The best thing is having no expectations and just going with the flow. I read a beautiful quote a few days ago which said that so much can happen in 6 months which is true. So, I hope these last 5 months will turn out fine or better than these last months.

In my life, not that much has happened. I still have no job but right now it’s even more difficult to find one related to what I studied. I studied European Studies which is a broad study with a wide range of subjects such as marketing, languages, international relations and politics. I also really find myself thinking of how I would love to make a living out of writing. I crave it so badly. I also love doing yoga, reading, travelling, singing and surfing so much. I’ve also sometimes dreamt about how amazing it would be to build a surf school related to mental health problems to provide people help and support while enjoying the ocean. I can’t wait to maybe go to the beach and surf this Summer in Spain πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡ΈπŸŒŠπŸ„β€β™€οΈ. I miss the sea so much. Maybe those dreams are wild but it would be so amazing. I still feel kinda stuck related to thinking about a career. I used to apply to some jobs in Spain but got no answer. I even did an interview for a internship and never heard back. It’s more difficult right now. I also got information to take an exam for a job in the public sector which is mandatory in Spain. I just don’t know and still feel lost after so many years. It’s normal I say to myself. Anxiety also gets in the way. Some people see it as excuse but they have no idea how hard it’s to live with it and being expected to do everyday stuff.

I also entered some writing competitions. I didn’t won the one from Barcelona. At least I tried. Besides, Barcelona is now more at risk so it’s better not to go. I will hear about the poetry contest about mental health next month. I will also maybe join another contest these days which is about my city Haarlem, in The Netherlands. They are looking for a city poet who will write for them and also earn €3000 euro each year and will even have the opportunity to publish a book about poems of Haarlem. I will join and we will see what happens next. I have already a no but you never know what may be the result.

Thanks to the pandemic which is also strange to I’m also grounding myself more and being present with all the things I have. I have been doing yoga and medititation many times in a week πŸ§˜β€β™€οΈβœ¨. It’s so good. I feel more lost and less calm when I don’t do it. It’s been a such a healing tool and I will stick to it forever. I can’t wait to be able to have a job, save money and go to a yoga retreat in Aruba and finally meet Yoga Girl and the whole community. I love it so much. I don’t have a yoga mat here in Spain but I will use maybe a camping mat until I have one here. I crave connection so much. It’s the best. It reminds me I’m never alone and that I always have people behind me. I did a sharing circle on Zoom with Yoga Girl and more than 60 people joined a few days ago which I will share more about in my July favourites. It was so special and omg I also felt anxious and strange. I had never done it before. In real life it would be even more intense. We did a meditation and then we got a sharing partner. We had to talk about our struggles and the other person listened and didn’t give advice. It’s much more powerful then just always interrumpting a person. Rachel Brathen (Yoga Girl) said that we have our answers in our heart. These sharings are so much more powerful than anything else πŸ’–. I got emotional when I listened and my partner too. I can’t wait to do it many more times.

I’m happy to be back in Spain but also feel mixed feelings. Nothing is normal anymore. Our trip went very well. I was so happy to go but never felt so anxious before a trip. I really didn’t like some of my family members and also a friend of my mother saying we are irresponsible to go to Spain when we are very careful. I couldn’t sleep the night before. I felt so unwell and anxious. I hate to get influenced but others because our trip went super well. We had to wear masks, do social distance and wash our hands often. Nothing new. I’m more used now to wearing a face mask almost all the time because it’s mandatory here in Spain 😷. In Holland it’s only mandatory in public transport and in a regio of Amsterdam and Rotterdam. I changed my mind and think it’s very important to wear it even though it’s a struggle in the heat. We passed the security in 15 min. We drank some tea and ate a croissant and went to the gate. Boarding was nice, the flight was great without any turbulence. There were almost no people. I watched High School Musical 🎢. I loved it. I had never watched it before.

When we landed in the airport of Madrid, they checked our QR-code which is the health paper you have to fill in before you go to Spain. Then you pass a control and there are camera’s above which check your temperature. There are also nurses there in case you are feeling bad. Everything is clean and well organised. We got our suitcases, took a taxi to the station of Madrid and there suddenly I saw my good friend Pedro and his girlfriend. I love to always meet people as a surprise. We ate delicious Spanish food with them and waited for the train. It takes one hour to go to Valladolid by the high speed train. Then we took a taxi home and in the afternoon we were safe and sound at home. I thought something would happen during the trip or I would feel more anxious. I felt more calm because everything went well. I don’t want to listen to scary stories anymore or watch too much news. We are safe and will do anything to stay safe. We can’t stay forever in our homes too.

These days I have been resting in Spain in our home, eating some delicicous tapas and just walking in nature. We also went already to the swimming pool which we love so much πŸŠβ€β™€οΈπŸŒž. I have to enjoy it now before I get my period which I hate even more in Summer. There’s no beach here so the pool is the best place to be. I’m just so much more happier here. It’s been so hot here, like 37 degrees. Right now, it’s 30 degrees. I love Summers in Spain so much. I really craved it. This week I will finally see my friends which I missed so much. I also saw a new restaurant with vegan food and poke bowls omggg can’t wait to try it. I will celebrate my birthday with my friends there πŸŽ‰πŸ€—. I also saw a new yoga studio. Maybe will go there too. I also will go the hairdresser soon. I can never cut much just the death ends and my bangs because I didn’t went for like a year. I also have to go to the dentist end of month to get rid again of one wisdom teeth 🦷. I’m anxious about that again but maybe a bit less than in January. I told about my experience here. It’s still a struggle so please guys be there for me and send me love. I need it. I just know I have no other choice because I have sometimes strange feelings and pain. I can’t wait to be able to say I faced this 4 times and it went well.

I’m really happy to be here but I also feel sadness in Spain. I see elderly walking and I get emotional thinking of how many people have died here and all over the world. In Spain people are so social and always together. The Netherlands has a individualistic culture. It’s so different. You see less people and people are afraid which is normal. Night life is different too. I don’t miss fiestas so much because what I need in life is more connection and deep talks rather than being drunk all the time. It’s been ages for me and I’m really happy to have gone a different way in drinking alcohol. I don’t need to drink much to have fun. The virus is still here and we have to be careful. They are putting some villages in Valladolid in lockdown again which just means that it isn’t over. I hope you all stay safe this Summer and have fun. We are all in this together πŸ’ͺπŸ™.

Thank you all for reading this blog post. I hope it wasn’t too boring. I hope you all liked it. What are you up to during this Summer? How are you feeling? How is your physical and mental health? What do you think of what I wrote? Let me know lovelies. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

Much love πŸ’•,

xoxo Christina

Music of June πŸ’žπŸŽΆ

Hola lovelies πŸ’•,

I’m SO behind some blog posts I wanted to share but I have to not blame myself for that. It will otherwise only add more stress and anxiety which is not something I need right now. Blogging has to be fun. I want to share my review about the new album Folklore of Taylor Swift because it’s THE BEST 😍😭πŸ₯Ί. I LOVE HER SO MUCH. First, I will share the songs I loved in June which seem so long time ago but it was just last month. I have been so busy these weeks with packing my suitcase and cleaning my room a bit. I will finally go to Spain this week after more than a half year not being able to go 😭. I miss it so much. I’m a bit anxious for the travel day and I never like flying much especially nowadays. I think me and my mother will be fine and everything will go well. I can’t wait to be there, enjoy some delicious tapas and see my family and friends. Now, let’s move on to the topic of this post. In the June I listened to some beautiful music which includes the new single of Sofia Ellar called Si es Roma amor, Underdog from Alicia Keys, and loads of other amazing songs which you will see below πŸ’•.

Sofia Ellar – Si es Roma amor

One of my favourite artists in Spain released her new single. It is such a beautiful song and makes me very happy. The music video also has those Summer vibes which I long for so much. I can’t wait to listen to this song many more times and enjoy Summer time in Spain 🌞🌊🌴. I saw Sofia live two years ago and I can’t wait to see her again. Her concerts are the best. I relate so much to her lifestyle because she is a hippie girl just like me haha.

Fred De Palma ft. Ana Mena – Se iluminaba

This song is just sooooo amazing!! 😍 I love it so much. I heard this song a lot on the Spanish radio LOS40 and Cadena 100. It’s number one many times. Again a perfect song for the Summer. I really love the sound of it. It’s such a bop.

RosalΓ­a ft. Travis Scott – TKN

RosalΓ­a is back with a great song with Travis Scott this time. It’s maybe different than what she made before but I really like it. I also like the choreography.

The Weeknd – Blinding lights

I didn’t know The Weeknd before this song, how bad haha. It’s such an amazing song. I hear it all the time. It makes me so happy and also makes me swing along it. The only thing I don’t like is to see blood on his face because it’s one of my biggest phobia’s.

Anne-Marie – Birthday

It’s my birthday
I’ma do what I like
I’ma eat what I like
I’ma kiss who I like
It’s my birthday
I’am do what I like
I’ma wear what I like
I’ma party tonight
Goddamn, it’s my birthday
Everybody love me

I love this song! πŸ’ƒπŸŽ‰ I listened to it on my birthday month which was the first of June. Anne-Marie is such a great artist. This is a perfect birthday song to make you feel in the mood of your birthday. It’s fun and catchy. Always do what you love to do on your birthday and not what others want because it’s your birthday. You deserve to spent it the way you like.

Surf Mesa ft. Emilee- ily (i love you baby)

I love you, baby, and if it’s quite all right
I need you, baby, to warm these lonely nights
I love you baby
Trust in me when I say

This song is such a hit! It’s amazing. I feel myself drifting away into paradise and being on a beach listening to this song πŸŒŠπŸ‘Œ. It’s the perfect ambiance for it. This is a song that makes you feel very peaceful.

Nia – 8 Maravillas

Nia won the talent show OperaciΓ³n Triunfo this year and I’m still SO proud of her. She’s amazing. She can dance and sing so good. Her single is about the Canary Islands. I can’t wait to visit them one day. They seem so beautiful. This song is such a nice song full of latin vibes πŸ’ƒπŸ’– which is really her style.

Anaju – Me irΓ©

Anaju became the fourth finalist of OperaciΓ³n Triunfo. This video is from yesterday’s concert in Wizink Center in Madrid. I love her single. It’s so beautiful and touching. She sings really from her heart. I love to see her emotion on her face. She is such a queen and I can see her being a great artist in Spain and internationally too.

Eva – Dumb

”Cause you’re a dumb
You’re a dumb
I miss you, dumb
I love you, dumb

Eva became the third finalist of OperaciΓ³n Triunfo. I’m really proud of her. She has so much personality and on stage it’s just so amazing seeing her being herself and having fun. This single of her is amazing and so catchy.

Alicia Keys – Underdog

”So I sing a song for the hustlers trading at the bus stop
Single mothers waiting on a check to come
Young teachers, student doctors
Sons on the frontline knowing they don’t get to run
This goes out to the underdog
Keep on keeping at what you love
You’ll find that someday soon enough
You will rise up, rise up, yeah”

I used to listen to many songs of Alicia Keys in the past. She is such a great singer. This song is amazing and very touching too πŸ™. It has a beautiful life story which is that everyone has the right to rise up and shine in life. It’s just a human right. This goes for everyone who feels like an underdog. There still needs to be a lot of change happening in this world to be all treated equally.

Jonas Blue ft. MAX – Naked

I like this song. I love the song Perfect Strangers from Jonas Blue and this one is also very good. I dance along this song.

Keira Knightley – Lost stars

”God, tell us the reason youth is wasted on the young
It’s hunting season and the lambs are on the run
Searching for meaning
But are we all lost stars, trying to light up the dark? I thought I saw you out there crying
I thought I heard you call my name
I thought I heard you out there crying
Just the same”

This song is from the movie I watched called Begin Again. It’s from Adam Levine and she also sings it in the movie and it’s sooooo beautiful!! Her voice is so beautiful. It sounds like an angel and makes me feel so calm.

Dvicio ft. Matisse – La distancia

This song is beautiful!! I heard it from a friend in their Insta. Distancia means distance. It’s beautiful made during lockdown. I love how their voices sound together.

Sal de mi – OT 2020

The group of 2020 from OperaciΓ³n Triunfo made this beautiful song all together. It’s a hymn song for all the victims of COVID-19 in Spain and all over the world. It’s really beautiful. I loved to hear this song during the final. It made me really emotional πŸ₯ΊπŸ’ž.

Diselo a la vida – OT 2020

This is the hymn of OperaciΓ³n Triunfo 2020 and I love it so much!! 😍😍 Rafa which is one of the 16 participants made this song. It’s about living a good life without thinking of what society thinks of you. It’s about being happy with what you have, talking about our fears and loving each other. Good vibes for sure! This song makes me so happy.

Thank you all for reading this blog post. I hope you liked it. What was your favourite song from my list? Which song or artist have you listened to lately? Let me know lovelies. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

Much love πŸ’•,

xoxo Christina

Birthday haul πŸ˜πŸŽ‚πŸŽ‰πŸŽ

Hola lovelies πŸ’•,

This blog post is a bit too late haha but that doesn’t matter, right?! My birthday was on the first of June. I really wanted to write and share this with you. I got amazing presents and cards from my friends and family all over the world πŸ‘¨β€πŸ‘©β€πŸ‘¦πŸ‘­πŸ‘«. In this blog post I’m going to share the beautiful presents and mail I got. I got amazing things like an aroma diffuser with essential oil, DVDs, a book, stationery and many more things.

From my daddy ❀️

I got the book πŸ“– “Only love can break your heart” from Katherine Webber. I already wanted this book since a long time. The cover is SO beautiful!! It’s a story about love, loss, the desert and friendships. The DVD of The Greatest Showman is amazing. I love that movie so I’m happy to have it at home now to watch it whenever I want! 😍 The music is amazing. I’m also happy with the 6 shampoo Pantene Pro-V for straight hair. It’s my favourite shampoo. I always use it. I also got a lovely card with sunflowers 🌻 on it.

From my mamita 😍

I got such amazing presents from my mother. I got a beautiful beach card with all names of places I want to go. I would love to go to Fuerteventura one day 🌊🌞. I got a case for my sunglasses, purple nail polish, beautiful silver earrings 🌜, Summer pj’s, Snoopy t-shirt which is so cute and loads of beauty products. The conditioner from Schwarzkopf is amazing as well as The Batiste dry shampoo, Vogue Girl deodorant and AndrΓ©lon creme which makes your hair soft and shiny ✨. The psychology magazine is always something I read during the Summer days. I also got a stickerbook from Flow. It contains stickers from flowers, animals and everything from nature. I also loved the Yogi Tea I got with the flavours Forever Young and Bed Time which contains chamomile and valerian. It’s easy to calm down with such a delicious tea in the evening.

From my brother Rafael and VerΓ³nica πŸ’•

I loved the personalized card I got with a chicken on the front. In the inside there was a beautiful picture from their wedding party with the family. It was very beautiful. I got the DVD from The beauty and the beast. I had never watched that movie before. I love Emma Watson so much 😍. I got birthday candles, inflatable coaster for drinks, sticky notes, flower seeds πŸ’ and of course hand gel. That’s a present I use a lot nowadays haha πŸ˜‚. We all do, right?!

From my brother Edward, Elke and Noanne ✨

I got a beautiful box from them which arrived a few days earlier. Of course I opened it on the day of my birthday. They called it the yoga wellness box. It really was so beautiful 😍 I got a letter from them and a cute drawing from my almost 5 year old niece. They are all into sustainable products which I also love so much. I got Weleda shower cream with lavender, a purple candle, bake mix to make chocolate muffins 🧁, relaxation tea with camomile, oven baked with veggie, Tony’s Chocolonely sea salt chocolate which is fair-trade and puffed spelled. I got a foam roller too. I didn’t know for what it was but my brother said it’s for yoga πŸ§˜β€β™€οΈ. I can’t wait to use it. I also got a beautiful deck of cards. I’ve always wanted one. This one is called Love your inner goddess oracle cards to express your devine femine spirit. It’s such a beautiful one to work with ✨. It’s s great way to connect to our sacred feminine. The messages and the energy from these cards are beautiful and wild. You can find good witches, mermaids πŸ§œβ€β™€οΈ and other beautiful cards in it.

From my bestie and Nathalja 🌈

From my bestie and her girlfriend I got a lovely card with an 😘 emoji. My bestie always calls me besje and I call her apple. I love cozy names hihi. I also got stickers with the alphabet, markers and aroma diffuser with essential oil which also gives 10 different colour of lights. I always wanted to have one. I got the essential oil lavender, vanilla, wild flowers πŸ’ and sea breeze 🌊. It makes me feel peaceful and it smells so well. I hope to sleep better because of it. I also got as a surprise a beautiful balloon 🎈. I loved it so much. I asked some people if it was a present from them haha but at the end my bestie told me it was from her, haha so cute!! πŸ’–

From Guillermo πŸ˜„

I got a lovely letter from Guillermo. He wanted to give me a card too but he couldn’t get it because it was during lockdown. I loved the Spanish letter. It was beautiful! πŸ’•

From Chloe 😍

From Chloe I got such beautiful presents. I had to cry when I unwrapped them. I got a beautiful card with a pie on it. I got pencils, outline stickers and a to do list notebook. I got a beautiful necklace with a tibetan charm which has a lotus on it. It’s the sign of yoga πŸ˜πŸ§˜β€β™€οΈ. I also loved the keyring with my initials the letter C and a surf girl charm πŸ„β€β™€οΈ. What I loved the most and cried SO much about was the picture of Spain in a picture frame. She knows how much I miss Spain 😭πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡Έ. Just writing this makes me cry again. I really can’t wait to be in Spain again. Until I’m not there Chloe made this for me on the computer. It’s beautiful. I have it in my room now. All the presents were so personalised. I love Spain, yoga, surfing and stationery. I love you so much and I can’t wait to finally meet each other. I’m so happy you are one of my best friends forever πŸ’ž

From Sophia πŸ₯°

I got a beautiful key ring plate which I will use for earrings, a fruit notebook 🍌🍍, Guatemalan worry dolls which you lay under your bed and take your worries away (which I SO need!!) and a beautiful hanger with the moon on it 🌜. I also loved the cute card. Loved it all so much! I love you loads πŸ’žβœ¨.

From Vikki 🌜

From Vikki I got a beautiful mirrow with a sun and moon on it πŸŒ•. It’s beautiful and so handy too. I love to always have a mirrow in my bag. I also got a ceramic hanger of a wing which is so cute. The personalised card with my picture is also so lovely. I love you and I’m thankful for our beautiful friendship 😍😘.

From Agata πŸ’–

I got a cute card with some beautiful flowers from Agata πŸ’πŸ˜. I also got a cute rainbow notebook 🌈. I will keep writing forever of course!! It’s my passion and is in my veins haha. I loved the cat pop up, animal face mask and the nail files. I really needed them for a long time because the ones I had were already old. Thank you so much lovely.

From Rosie πŸ’

The stationery I got from Rosie was amazing. I got a notebook, lovely floral 🌻🌼🌷washi tapes, sticky notes and floral print tags. I also got a card, face masks and a wallet. I loved it all!! I’m always here for you ❀️.

From Anna

I got a beautiful card from Anna too which I put with my other cards. It’s in German. I loved it so much. I love to have pen pals all over the world. I’m sure one day we will all meet each other 😍

Thank you all for reading this blog post. I’m so happy with my lovely friends and family which I all love SO much!! 😍 What’s your favourite thing of my haul? Do you also love personalised gifts? Do you also use a diffuser with essential oil? Let me know lovelies. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

Much love πŸ’•,

xoxo Christina

Summer bucket list 2020 πŸŒžπŸŒŠπŸ„πŸŒ΄πŸ§πŸΉπŸΈπŸ’ƒ

Hey lovelies πŸ’•,

Before I share a birthday haul post which is a bit overdue hahah I want to share this blog post. I’m going to share again a Summer bucket list 🌞. I often write down 100 things in a journal but it isn’t all achievable of course. I will try to only point down the most important things. If you make a long list of things you want to do, you most likely will not do them all. It could maybe overwhelm you instead of having fun and doing them. This Summer I want to be happy and enjoy life while being safe and follow the safety measures of the pandemic. We all have to enjoy our Summer time but we also have to keep aware and know that the Coronavirus isn’t away. We still have to keep distance, wash our hands and be careful πŸ™. Let’s get started! πŸ’–

  • Fly to Spain ✈πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡Έ

I can’t wait to go to Spain because we didn’t went there since Christmas time. I’m mostly always a bit anxious of travelling. I have to admit that I’m now more anxious to go because of all the things you have to do while travelling. You have to wear a mask in the airplane and during the travel day. I’m afraid to get really anxious or get a panic attack 😒. I of course agree with the safety measures. You also have to fill in a health paper to declare that you aren’t sick. They can check your temperature when you arrive at the airport. Travelling is not like we used to know it. I really want to go with my mother to Spain and enjoy our Summer there 🌞😍. I guess it’s okay we are anxious to travel. I just hope we won’t get sick. I also miss Spain so much so it would be so nice to finally be there. We maybe go at the end of July. I will keep you all updated how things will go.

  • Spend time with family & friends πŸ‘ͺπŸ‘­

I miss seeing my family so much. I only see my parents and sometimes my brother and his wife from a distance. I miss seeing my almost 5 year old niece. Her birthday is in July just like the birthday of my brother Edward. I can’t wait to see my niece, Edward and Elke again. They hopefully will come to our house this month. We haven’t seen each other since Christmas 😭. I also miss my friends so much. Some friends I didn’t see for a half year, others for a year. I can’t wait to have amazing plans with them in The Netherlands and in Spain πŸ’–. I’m already going on a lunch with my bestie this month and will also go surfing with her πŸ„. My other friend from Irak is also coming to my house. I also can’t wait to celebrate my birthday in Spain with my lovely friends and eat delicious tapas all together. Spending time with your loved ones is the best thing you can do. Always be around people who are sunshine for you and not around people who drain you. They aren’t worth it.

  • Go to the beach 🌊🐚

This Summer as always I want to go to the beach many times 😍🌊. I already went twice to the beach in The Netherlands. It’s one hour away with the bike. I loved it so much even though the water here isn’t clear like in Spain haha. Beach time is what makes me the most happy. I’m a mermaid and beach girl forever. Summer isn’t good if I don’t go to the beach. The sea knows all my secrets and heals my heart. If we go to Spain, then I hope to go to the beach there too. The beach is there 3 hours away by train. It’s so beautiful in Santander. There’s also a little surf village which is called Somo near to Santander. I would love to go there again. I went there with my mother a few years ago.

  • Go surfing πŸ„

I can’t wait to go surfing again! 😍 I always do this on my Summer bucket list but didn’t go surfing since more than 4 years. I miss it so much. My best friend and I were about to go last Summer but it was bad weather so we didn’t go. This Summer we will definitely go surfing together. I can’t wait. Here there’s always wind so it’s a great beach to surf. Maybe I will go surfing too in Somo, in Spain. I would love to go again to a surf camp. You learn so much there. The surfing lifestyle is the best way to live life βœŒπŸ’–. Enjoying nature, being present and that feeling of being alive when you are out there in the ocean catching a wave. Hearing the waves crashing to the shore and tasting the salt air and sea all creates a sense of peace and freedom. We all need that in life.

  • Read books πŸ“š

I love reading books and I find the Summer months the best months to read πŸ“–. I love to read outside in our garden. I also love to read in the park or on the beach. I already read some books these months which I have to review soon. This Summer I would love to read at least 3 books if that’s possible. I don’t want to say more because I’m a slow reader and I don’t want to create unnecessary stress. We learn so much from reading. It’s lovely to read on a Summer day with a glass of lemonade or red wine. You drive away into paradise 🌴.

  • Make smoothies, aΓ§ai bowls & ice pops πŸ¦πŸπŸ“

I love to make fruit smoothies. I used to make them a lot and I really miss making them. I want to make a lot more these Summer. I also would love to make ice pops and aΓ§ai bowls because I never did that before. I love how it looks like. It must be delicious πŸ˜‹. I really want to try to make them and share it with you guys. Let me know if you ever tried to make this and which flavour was the most delicious one. All of these are so refreshing for a hot Summer day and also very healthy which is just a win-win haha.

  • Practice yoga in a studio or outside πŸ™

I do yoga almost every damn day now since March and it helps me so much with anxiety. I feel more at home in my body. I enjoy being spiritual too and just feel more in sync with life and mother nature. I do yoga with Yoga Girl, my biggest inspiration. I do it on her website. Every month I pay just €14 and I can do everything on there. The live classes with Yoga Girl are so amazing πŸ’–. I also do full moon πŸŒ•πŸŒœπŸŒ› ceremonies on there. Doing yoga at home is nice but I also would love to do it again in a studio or have a class outside. I only did that twice in my life. Sometimes I find myself being a bit anxious in a room because of feeling judged in a room full of people. I don’t like big groups. Hopefully I can overcome that and take a class in a studio in The Netherlands or in Spain. The connection you feel with others is so beautiful and so important too in a yoga practice. It makes you feel even more at one with this beautiful world we live in.

Doing yoga at home
  • Share singing covers 🎢

This was the only time I shared a singing cover on my blog. Hopefully I will be able to share more covers here and also on my Instagram 🎀. Sometimes I’m just a bit anxious to share it. I love singing but it always takes a lot of courage to film yourself and share it online because of the negative people out there. We just have to think that if someone says something bad about you, it says more about that person than about you. I will have to keep doing what I love because that makes me the most happy. I hope you guys will enjoy it when I’m ready to share it. I also sometimes thought about making a Youtube channel for singing covers but that makes a bit too anxious to do that now. Maybe in the future, who knows.

  • Spend time in nature 🌳🌹

Spending time in nature is a must during the warm months. I love it so much. I don’t like Winter so I enjoy being outside in Summer. I love to go to the park, enjoy our garden and go to the beach. I love to walk around and go biking 🚲 with my mother. Nature is so alive right now so we have to enjoy it. Spending time in nature also means soaking up the sunshine which is so important for our health too. The sun gives us energy, vitamin D and makes us happier. We need sun light 🌞. Don’t forget to always wear sunscreen.

  • Declutter my wardrobe πŸ‘—

Basically I have to organize my whole room and sort things out but let’s being with my wardrobe. I have to do it here and in Spain. I just never do it haha because I don’t like it. It’s been ages now and it really needs to get done πŸ™. I also have a hard time in letting clothes go. Some I will treasure and others I will have to donate or sell. I want to try the Marie Kondo way. I hope it works out this Summer. If you have some tips, please let me know.

  • Keep writing poems πŸ“

I will keep writing poetry in my journal. I hope to be able to share some of my poetry on here. I will also of course keep writing letters to my pen pals and write for my blog. I love to get inspiration from being on the beach or outside in my garden. Whenever I get inspiration ✨ I write it down because otherwise I forget it easily.

Poem about speaking up
  • Be happy, have fun and make the best of this Summer! 🌞🌈

On top of this list is just trying to make the best of this Summer. Hakuna matata ✌. Being happy and just enjoying Summer time on our own way is the most important thing. It’s important to take pressure away of having the best Summer ever because every Summer has its ups and downs like life. Summer is my favourite season ever. I’m a Summer and beach girl forever. I’m always SO happy when Summer arrives. In Spain the sun shines every day so I can’t wait to go there and have loads of fun.

Thank you all for reading this fun blog post. I hope you will all have an amazing Summer full of responsible adventure times 🌞✌. I hope you will all enjoy it with your family and friends. Make loads of memories. Be safe too. What are you going to this Summer? Are you staying at home or are you going to travel? What of my list are you going to do? Let me know lovelies. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

Much love πŸ’•,

xoxo Christina

May favourites πŸ’•πŸŒž

Hola lovelies πŸ’•,

It was so hot these days 🌞πŸ”₯. I’m happy Summer is back but I can’t deal with the heat. In The Netherlands 30 degrees is way too much and also humid. In Spain I’m used to the Summer but it’s dry which is different. Right now, there’s a bit of a storm. Always the same weather here haha. I’m really happy I enjoyed some beach days which I will share with you all soon. Now, I will share about my May favourites. In this blog post I will share about my bike tour 🚲 through Haarlem with my mother, writing a story for a writing contest πŸ“ and winning some giveaways.

Things I did with my lovely family πŸ‘ͺ:

Bike tour through Haarlem 🚲🌞

I love biking through Haarlem with mamita 😍. It’s been ages since I used the bike haha how bad πŸ˜‚. I just feel sometimes a lack of energy or my heart beats fast when I bike. I do it on my own time with my mother. I don’t have a bike to use in Spain. It’s been lovely weather all these months. I’m so grateful for these beautiful moments full of sunshine πŸŒž. I’m also blessed to live in Haarlem, such a romantic city. I prefer small cities so much more than big cities. We did a bike tour from our house through our park to Haarlem city. We sat along the river Spaarne and saw some cute animals such as lama’s, a pony and a duck with babies. I loved it. They were so cute!!! On the way home we saw my brother and his wife from the balcony. I hate to not be able to hug each other normally but it is what it’s. Better than nothing. I love you. I believe in the good things coming. Stay safe you all πŸ’ž

Mother’s Day πŸ’

I was sad that we couldn’t celebrate Mother’s Day like we always do each year with the whole family. At least, my brother and his wife came to our home to give my mother beautiful flowers, a card, pie they made and chocolate. I gave my mother also a handmade card and a phone case with flowers and a butterfly on it. She loved it very much. I’m sure next year will be better. I’m so happy to have a beautiful mother like you are. Thank you for being there for me in good and bad times. I love you till the moon and back πŸ’–πŸŒœπŸŒ›.

Walks in the park 🌳

I had some nice walks with my mother in the park and we enjoyed the sunshine. One day we ate delicious ice cream 🍦. My mother ate a Magnum and I ate a raket rocket. I love it! I also enjoyed the daisies and the other beautiful yellow flowers 🌻. I love to see the flowers blossom and all the green in the park. It’s such a beautiful world.

Watching Eurovision Europe shine a light πŸ’‘πŸŽΆ

There was no real Eurovision this year but I’m happy to have enjoyed this alternative show called ”Europe shine a light”. I always watch Eurovision every year together with my mother. Music always unites people and especially in hard times. I loved to see Duncan Laurence singing his new single Someone Else. It was so beautiful 😍🎀. I loved the orchestra performance too. I also loved so much when all the participants across Europe performed the song Love Shine A Light by Katrina And The Waves. I hope next year I can join the family show with my friend live in Rotterdam because I already bought tickets for it.

Watched Begin again, Frankie and Johnny & the serie Never have I ever 🎬

I loved the movie Begin again with Keira Knightley and Adam Levine. It’s a sweet movie about a singer-songwriter who is chasing her dreams. I loved the songs and it really inspired me to follow my dreams. I love singing so much too but I don’t know if being famous would be something for me. I also liked the movie Frankie and Johnny with the famous actors Al Pacino and Michelle Pfeiffer. Johnny has just been released from prison, and gets a job in a cafΓ© beside waitress Frankie. Frankie is a bit of a loner, but Johnny is determined their romance will blossom. I think it was a beautiful movie that makes you think about how love finds you. It wasn’t a clichΓ© movie at all. I also loved the first season of the serie Never have I ever which I saw on Netflix. All episodes are just 20 or 30 minutes long. It’s about The complicated life of a modern-day first generation Indian American teenage girl, inspired by Mindy Kaling’s own childhood. It was so good. It was about the trauma of loosing a parent, grief, heartbreak, friendship, family, school, the Indian and American culture and love. I cried and laughed at the same time while watching these episodes. I can’t wait for a second season!!!! 😍

Operación Triunfo 2020 🎀

My favourite Spanish talent show OperaciΓ³n Triunfo 2020 came back for a month 🎢. It got suspended in March because of the pandemic. The 9 contestants had to leave the singing academy. In this academy they also sleep. You can watch what they do on a livestream because there are camera’s in the academy. It’s so much fun. Every week there’s a liveshow where they sing some songs. At the end the winner got chosen a few weeks ago. I’m so happy Nia won because she rocked every song which they had given to her. She can sing, dance and perform the best. The winner gets €100.000. Sometimes I also think of going to this talent show and participating in the casting. I just don’t know if being exposed so much would trigger more of my anxiety and if it would be something for me. I love this talent show so much. The teachers and the production are so kind. In 2017 I went to one of the concerts in Madrid with my friend and it was one of the best experiences in my life. You really build such a beautiful fan relationship with the artists which come out from this talent show. I can’t wait for a new edition! πŸ’–

Things I did with my lovely friends πŸ’•:

My best friend’s birthday πŸ˜πŸŽ‰

I couldn’t celebrate the birthday of my best friend for obvious reasons. I was happy to have made her a beautiful collage which I always make and a beautiful handmade card. As you all know, I love writing letters and making cards. As present I got her Lush products which was a shower gel and soap. I’m happy she loved it. I love you to the moon and back. Thank you for being the best best friend I could wish for πŸ’•.

Sending cards to people who are sick, lonely or need to cheer up πŸ’Œ

There was a girl which I follow on Instagram who was writing cards to people she don’t know in The Netherlands. I asked to join the group and already sent more than 40 cards to people who are mentally or physically ill, lonely or just need to cheer up in The Netherlands. Coronavirus made the elderly more lonely and receiving a card made them happy. I got the stamps for free and also the beautiful cards for free because it was a donation. I love to write and help other people. It makes me feel less alone in my own struggles of this life and it makes me feel happy. I love to be of service. You never know what someone is going through so be kind always and spread love because we all need it so much πŸ’•πŸ™.

Other amazing things of May πŸ’–:

Writing a story for the Sea of words contest πŸ“

I wrote a story in Spanish for the β€A sea of words” contest. It has the same name as my blog. The European Institute of the Mediterranean tagged me on a post in Instagram. The contest is every year. This year it was about young people faced with climate change in the Mediterranean and the 2030 Agenda for Sustainable Development 🌊. The story I wrote is about me being in the sea with my boat and then suddenly being stuck surrounded by plastic bottles. Then a man comes to help me and talks about how important it is to take action. I already won an essay contest in 2015 and spoke at the United Nations in New York City πŸ—½ so I thought why not try again even though my inner critic is loud sometimes. The jury is now reviewing the stories. The 10 best winners will be chosen in July and will go to Barcelona at the end of September for free and will have a creative writing course. It’s really so amazing. I will keep you all updated.

Winning a scarf from the shop Azabache πŸ’–

Nowadays I’m entering so many giveaways on Instagram. I love it so much especially when I win of course. I won a beautiful scarf from my favourite shop in Valladolid. Azabache has so many beautiful hippie clothes. I bought a lot of dresses and other clothes there. I won a scarf with the famous print of Gustav Klimt 🎨. It’s beautiful.

Winning books from Melissa Wells and The Goddess Collective journal πŸ“šπŸ†

I love Melissa Wells. She is a certified eating psychology coach and health coach. She has such a beautiful community. In December after doing the advent challenge I won a membership to The Godess Collective online which is a platform to work on loving ourselves, growing ourselves and has so many amazing workshops. Now I won the giveaway on Instagram. I love to keep winning stuff haha. Normally I wouldn’t won anything. I won the books from Melissa Wells which are about the diet culture, loving ourselves and having a healthy relationship with food. I don’t struggle that much with this topic but I love to learn more about it though. I also won the journal which is so beautiful. We are all goddesses yeahhh! I can’t wait to go her retreat in Bali too one day 😍🌊. That would be so magical.

Flower box postcards set 🌸

I bought a beautiful flower postcards set online. I can use them for my pen pals and other people I write. It contains 100 postcards with flowers πŸ’ by 10 different artists. The 10 cards from each artist are different from each other. I love flowers. The cards are colourful, original and just so beautiful. It was €20 but definitely worth the prize!

Thank you all for reading this blog post. What did you do in May? Did you ever won a giveaway on Instagram? Do you love to go biking? Did you ever participated in a writing contest? Let me know lovelies. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

Much love πŸ’•,

xoxo Christina