Music of September ๐ŸŽถ๐Ÿ’—

Hey lovelies ๐Ÿ’•,

Again another month full of beautiful music. A lot of Spanish music was released and also other amazing songs such as from Camila Cabello and OG3NE. I hope you all will like it a lot ๐Ÿ’—.

Ariana Grande, Miley Cyrus & Lana del Rey – Don’t call me angel

I really like this song!! I wished Lana del Rey would have song more in this song though but it’s a good song. The three queens singing together ๐Ÿ‘ธ๐Ÿ˜. We can’t ask for more, right?!

Camila Cabello – Shameless

Camila is on fire with releasing good music! ๐Ÿ”ฅ Shameless is such a good song. Also this sentence in her lyrics “Iโ€™m tired of loving somebody thatโ€™s not mineโ€ really can be so relatable.

Camila Cabello – Liar

Camila is not only a good singer but also a great actress. LOVE THIS SONG. I love the beat, the sound and also the videoclip is very fun to watch. It’s a very catchy song which can get into your head very easily.

Zahara – Con las ganas (Versiรณn 2019)

This is one of my favourite Spanish songs ever. It’s so beautiful and so emotional ๐Ÿ˜ญ. Zahara is such a good artist. This song was already released a few years ago but she made another version this year. You can also hear it in the Spanish serie ร‰lite which I didn’t watch yet and also in the Spanish talent show. The song is about a loved one who betrayed her. She composed this song while crying and singing in a grey room.

Sofia Ellar – Media Tinta

Wow such a beautiful and emotional song from one of my fav Spanish artists! ๐Ÿ’— Sofia Ellar is amazing. This song is so beautiful. I also love how she is covered with inkt as tinta in the title means inkt in Spanish. It feels so raw and vulnerable. This song is about the two Sofia’s, one is the artist and the other one is just being herself where she also show her sensitivity and sensibility.

Sofia Ellar ft. Dani Fernรกndez – Rock’n’rolles de chiquillos

This is a beautiful version with Dani of this song from Sofia. This song is about a loved one who went away and then suddenly one day that loved one rings again at your door while you are heartbroken. Such a powerful balad. The voices are so well connected to each other and seeing Sofia sing always makes me so happy as she is just so real and honest. LOVE HER SO MUCH ๐Ÿ’ž๐Ÿ’ฏ.

OG3NE – First clash lovers

This three sisters from OG3NE are amazing. I always love their songs as well as this new song of the new album which comes out next month. I can’t wait. I love the harmony of their beautiful voices. I really hope I can see them live in The Netherlands soon.

Julia Michaels – If you need me

“I wish I could fix it, I wish I knew what to say
But everything feels likeโ€…aโ€…lie these days
Don’tโ€…know how not to feel thatโ€…way, oh
They’re reaching for reasons, it’s all gonna be okay
But everyone feels like a liar these days
Don’t know how not to feel that way

But if you need me, I’ll be right there
When you’re dreaming all your nightmares
I’ll come tackle the monsters
I’ll find where they hide in the nighttime
If you need me, I’ll be right there
When you’re happy and when you’re scared
I can still be your shoulder
I’ll be by your side even if I’m not next to you”

Such a beautiful song! Julia wrote this song inspired by the โ€œSorry For Your Lossโ€ community on Facebook. We all will have to live with loosing people in our life which will break our heart ๐Ÿ’”๐Ÿ˜ข. It’s in those times that we need such a song and remind us of the people who are right there for us to overcome the bad times in life. It broke my heart when one woman said: “It’s been so difficult not to have him. Not to have him as my person anymore.”

Julia Michaels – Priest

“Sometimes, I miss you and then I remember
That I deserve much better
Cover my tattoo about you with another
And now I’m feeling much better

Oh, you broke my heart and now you want some redemption
Oh, it’s obvious that you ain’t learned your lesson
Oh, you’re owning up so you can get to heaven
Oh, but I’m not a priest, so fuck your confession”

Finally she released the music video of this catchy song. I really like it so much. Hell yeah, we deserve much better always. We have to let our exes in the past because they are there for a reason.

Amaia – Pero no pasa nada

Amaia, the winner of the Spanish talent show Operaciรณn Triunfo finally released her first album. She is such a lovely and amazing singer. I always feel nostalgic when I listen to her songs. Before the release she already shared some amazing songs such as Quedarรก en nuestra mente, El Relรกmpago, y Nadie podrรญa hacerlo. I shared these songs in this and this post. You can see my other three favourites songs from her album below.

Amaia – Quiero que vengas

AMAZING SONG! ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ‘Œ Amaia also created literally art in this videoclip as she recreated famous paintings in this clip. I think she has such a beautiful style of music. It isn’t mainstream. I love that she makes music which relate to being her authentically self. I wish there would be more artists like her.

Amaia – Nuevo verano

This is such a lovely song. She sings about how she loves this world but she loves him more. She loves to talk to him. She also sings about how Summer ends and that it will not come back. I feel very happy, inspired and also nostalgic when I listen to this song.

Amaia – Porque apareciste

Her voice sounds like an angel and is so beautiful ๐Ÿงšโ€โ™€๏ธ. What I love the most of this song is her voice and hearing the guitar as background. It’s just so perfect together. She sings about that she loves someone because he appeared in her life. She loves him with all his lies.

The light the heat – Your love is my home

“You are the sunrise waking my day
You are the moonlight shining my way
This is where I call home

You are the fire warming my night
With you I’ll stay till the morning light
This is where I call home
This is where I call home

Your love is like no other
Your love is where I feel alive
My safety and my shelter
Your love is my home

I love this song so much ๐Ÿ’•. It’s so beautiful, magical and makes me feel calm โœจ. I heard this song in a video of Yoga Girl on her Instagram to announce her book tour “To love and let go”. I always love to discover new amazing music. There’s so much beautiful music to be discovered.

Agoney – Black

I also know Agoney from the Spanish talent show Operaciรณn Triunfo. His voice is beautiful and this song shows it. He sings about how this society we live in is sick and only thinks of likes. It’s just so true that we live in a fake world where it’s hard to be ourselves and be different. It feels like we have to be like everyone else is. I also really love the black atmosphere in this clip as it maches so well with this song.

Luca Hรคnni – Bella Bella

Luca is so cute, sings well and also dances well ๐Ÿ’ƒ. Luca represented Switzerland this year in Eurovision Song Contest with the song “She got me.” This is his new single and I really like it. The beat is also very nice.

Miki Nรบรฑez – Amuza

Miki from the Spanish talent show released his first album. I find his album very positive which makes me happy to dance and sing to every song of him. It’s a celebration of life ๐ŸŽ‰. I already shared how much I loved his single “Celebrate” in this post and of course his song for Eurovision “La venda”. I will maybe go to his concert next month in Spain. I will share my other favourites songs of his album below.

Miki Nรบรฑez ft. Adriร  Salas, Arnau Griso & Nil Moliner – Eterno verano

This song is only good vibes ๐Ÿ’—โœŒ๏ธ. I love Miki singing with these artists all together so much. It’s a song about living an endless Summer ๐ŸŒž. Oh how I wish that could be possible. BRING SUMMER BACK PLEASE OKAY. At least we have this song which reminds us of the sunshine. I also can relate to the sentence he sings about how waking up early is dying. I’m so a night owl haha ๐Ÿฆ‰๐Ÿ˜ด.

Miki Nรบรฑez ft. Sofia Ellar – Coral del Arrecife

My favourites Miki and Sofia sang together this amazing song. It’s a song about the coral reef. I really like the two voices combined.

Miki Nรบรฑez – Escriurem

Aaaah so beautiful!!! ๐Ÿ˜ I love this song so much. I especially love this song because he doesn’t sing in Spanish but in Catalan. There are a lot of problems right now in this region because they want to seperate from Spain. I really hope it will be solved soon ๐Ÿ™. The Spaniards and Catalans really love each other. I just think they have to dialogue and come to a peaceful solution. I don’t want to say more about this political issue as it’s hard to talk about it in Spain. I really love that Miki sings in his mother language. I really like this language and it sounds so good in this song.

Thank you all for reading this blog post and listening to some new music ๐ŸŽต. Which song did you like most? What was your favourite song in September? To which artist do yo listen to? Let me know lovelies. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

Much love ๐Ÿ’•,

xoxo Christina

World Mental Health Day 2019, you are never alone ๐ŸŒ๐Ÿ’—

Hey lovelies ๐Ÿ’•,

Today is a very important day in the world ๐ŸŒ. October the 10th is World Mental Health Day. I write about this every year as I find it so important. You can find my post of 2017 here and my post of 2018 here. I never want to write exactly the same every year because otherwise it would be borring haha. I suffer from a mental illness which is anxiety. They say 1 out of 5 people suffer from a mental illness in their lives at one point. Suicide rates are really high and statistics have shown that there are more men who die by suicide than women. This is really shocking to know. I also read it in this article of BBC news. Today I’m going to talk about mental health stigma, anxiety and mental health related to gender.

To begin with, we all have mental and physical health. Our brains work together with our whole body. Some ignorant people still forget that. When I feel anxious I begin to have negative thoughts about life and death. I feel like I can’t move on in life. Right now, I’m again struggling with my mental health. I also think it’s because of the change from Summer to the Winter months. I never deal well with having less sunshine and daylight ๐Ÿ˜ญ. I can’t understand why people don’t understand that our body and mine are one and that everything is connected. So, when I begin to have unrealistic thoughts and think about all the bad things which can happen if I do a certain thing then I already begin to feel anxious. This means that I begin to feel nauseous, dizzy, feel my heart beating really fast, feel my breath becoming faster and just feel so bad. This eventually can get worse which can result in having a panic attack, totally feeling out of control and in my case also having to vomit. What I fear the most is going through that again and it just feels like I’m going to die.

We are all living in the 21th century. It’s 2019 and there are still people who feel like it’s okay to judge someone who is struggling with their mental health. I really can’t understand that. How can that be possible?! It makes me sad but most of all it makes me so angry ๐Ÿ˜ก. Life is though for everyone of us. We all deal with our own problems and struggles in life. I really do believe life is even thougher for someone going with a mental illness. The mind plays with us which makes it dangerous. How can someone say to one who is dealing with an eating disorder that they just have to eat a bit more or eat less? Why do people say to someone who is going through anxiety to just be happy and stop worrying? How they hell can people say to just go out of bed when someone is struggling with a severe depression? YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT ๐Ÿ™„. Some people don’t know what it’s like to go through a mental illness because they have never gone through it but there are also some other people who just want to hurt others with their hurtful comments.

I just had to say this because I’m done with these comments. I’m done hearing from a “friend” say to me that I don’t try hard enough to get a job and move on in life. I’m done with hearing I’m lazy because I sleep a lot. I’m done hearing to snap out of it because I just can’t. Having a mental illness is a complex and difficult think to have and for others to understand. I don’t even understand my brain so how can someone help me when I can’t explain it either. If I could snap out of it all then I would already have done it. Give me that magic bottle of that witch ๐Ÿง™โ€โ™€๏ธ๐Ÿ”ฎ and I will drink it all. WHOEHOEEE NO ANXIETY ANYMORE I’M SO HAPPY. Well, unfortunately it doesn’t work that way. I really wish it would be that simple. I’m not going to therapy and still don’t know if I will go one day. I already said a few posts ago that I went to a woman who wasn’t a real psychologist a few years ago and had to vomit every time I had to go. I told it to her and she said it could be that I just don’t want to let myself seen. It’s really true. I hide myself all the time. I always avoid everything I fear and everything what makes me uncomfortable such as going to the dentist and other social situations. I also don’t know if therapy would really work for me. I don’t know if I will ever be free of anxiety. If I talk about anxiety, I get anxious. For me, what would be helpful is talking about the things I struggle with while taking action. Solving problems and thoughtful thinking.

Therapy isn’t for everyone as well as medication isn’t good for everyone. Natural medication doesn’t help my anxiety as I have tried lots of stuff such as St. John’s Wort and Valerian Root. I also took for two years a low dose of antidepressants just 20mg and it didn’t work as I think it was too less. What works for me is an anti anxiety medication such as Valium or Bromazepam. I only take this when I feel high anxiety or when I’m close to a panic attack. I know it isn’t good to take it often but sometimes you just need it. Taking medication for a physical health illness is okay so why would it be shameful to take something for our mental illness? Our mental health is as important as our physical health.

What for me also helps in dealing with anxiety is doing the things which makes me happy to be alive such as my passions. I love loads of things. As Taylor Swift says, we are the things we love ๐Ÿ’—. I love writing, reading good books ๐Ÿ“š, blogging (of course lol!), singing ๐ŸŽถ, surfing ๐Ÿ„โ€โ™€๏ธ, listening to music, swimming in the sea, having fun with my friends and family, photography and travelling. What I also love is following people like on this blog or on Instagram who make me feel good about myself and who inspire me. I love to follow artists such as Ariana Grande, Julia Michaels, Talor Swift, Duncan Laurence, Aitana, Alfred Garcรญa, Rosalรญa, Amaia, Sofia Ellar, Alvaro Soler, Ed Sheeran, Passenger and many more who make me happy and who align with my being โœจ. I also love Yoga Girl her postcasts so much and everything she does for this world. She’s my biggest inspiration in life ๐Ÿ˜. I really am so happy to have these people in my life as they make me so happy. I wish to meet them all (I met some of them) and enjoy their concerts live.

I really do believe that having a community such as the blogging community, Yoga Girl community or pen pal community makes our life better. Being surrounded by people who make us feel good about ourselves is so important as it can make us feel less alone. It makes us feel that we belong somewhere and that everything we feel is real and valid ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ’—. I love to be honest, vulnerable and sensitive. I really do believe that the only way we can heal our hearts is with opening our hearts and share all the ugly and beautiful things in life. We heal the world with healing ourselves first. All my friends in real life or online, my family or the people I follow on social media are honest about themselves. I only crave real connections in life. I’m done with all those fake people with their fake bodies and lives. That only makes me feel worse especially when I feel anxious.

What I would like to see in the upcoming year and all the years which have to come is that we all can talk openly about our mental health and mental illnesses. I would like people to be more compassionate and show empathy. We need that in order to speak up. When you see someone struggling, be there for that person. Sometimes we need advice but sometimes all we need is someone who says that they will be there for us and give us a hug. It’s the little things which count. I also would like that society treats women and men equally in this subject of mental health. Men are not less a man because they show their emotions or because they have to cry. Women are not crazy for showing their emotions or for being more emotional. We all show our emotions in our own ways and are equal. Hopefully then the rates of suicide will be less.

I also do believe we all need the help we deserve. Going through a mental illness can happen to anyone. It doesn’t matter how old you are, what your nationality is or what gender you have. It can effect anyone of us at any moment in our lives. There needs to be better treatment available which makes asking for helping easier. The waiting lists has to change, people need to get good help after being in crisis, and just a lot of other things need to change in this system so that it can be available for everyone. People with a low income or those who are unemployed also have to get the help they need. It breaks my heart to see how in some countries there are people struggling with their mental health with no help at all ๐Ÿ’”๐Ÿ˜ข.

Always remember that you are loved and that you are not alone in this. Every day is world mental health day. Let’s stay together to end this taboo of mental health stigma. We arenโ€™t crazy in our minds. We are sick. We all need help, support and compassion. To raise awareness about world mental health day you can donate money to a mental health organization, you can draw a circle on your hand with the hastag #iamwhole or wear something yellow with the hastag #helloyellow and post it on social media. Let’s do this all together ๐Ÿ’ชโค๏ธ

Thank you all for reading this important blog post. Thank you for always being there for me like I will always be there for you all too. We are all in this together. Which mental illness do you suffer from? What helps you to feel better? What do you think of the mental health stigma? What do you think has to improve in the mental health system? Let me know lovelies. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

I love you all so much ๐Ÿ’•,

xoxo Christina

September favourites ๐ŸŽ‰๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿฅง

Hey lovelies ๐Ÿ’•,

September has flown away already! It’s time for another favourites post of all the nice things I did in September. Even though I feel bad right now and I’m struggling with my mental health I find it important to look back on the positive things that happened each month. There always things to be grateful for even though we may feel bad in that moment ๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ™. It helps to bring at least a bit of light into the dark times. It rained a lot in The Netherlands last week and in Spain it’s sunny. The transition from Summer to the Winter months also makes me go into a bad mood. I’m just a Summer girl forever and want to live under the palmtrees at the beach forevah ๐Ÿ–๐ŸŒŠ๐ŸŒž๐ŸŒด. Yeah, that’s me always day dreaming. Hopefully one day I can make that dream come true. However, in September I enjoyed the fiestas of Valladolid, celebrated both my parents birthdays, bought beautiful stationery and ate some delicious food.

Things I did with my family ๐Ÿ‘จโ€๐Ÿ‘ฉโ€๐Ÿ‘ง:

My daddy’s 70th birthday ๐ŸŽ‰๐ŸŽ‚๐ŸŽˆ

I had a cold on his birthday so we didn’t went to a restaurant in Spain like we planned to go. Instead we went to El Corte Inglรฉs shop and ate a delicious sandwich with ham & cheese ๐Ÿฅช together with potatoes ๐ŸŸ. My mother drank wine, my daddy had a beer and I drank some tea haha give me all the tea.

I’m so thankful you are still here daddy. Writing these words out loud makes me feel emotional and make me have tears in my eyes ๐Ÿ˜ข. Life would be so different if you would have died when I was 11 years old. It’s been more than 10 years since you left the hospital. Thank God you left it. I remember you saying that it’s your second home ๐Ÿก. I’m happy you aren’t living in your second home anymore. My father had an infection in the pancreas and had to go through to 6 operations together with all the complications he suffered. It was a horrible time. Now he has diabetis. However, we still make jokes about how he lives without many organs ๐Ÿ˜‚ It’s a miracle. Love you so much! ๐Ÿ’—

Eating fondue with the family for both my parents birthdays ๐Ÿด๐Ÿ’—

We celebrated my mother’s birthday and my father’s birthday which was earlier this month together in The Netherlands too ๐ŸŽ‰๐ŸŽ‚๐ŸŽˆ Two birthdays in one day! I bought this amazing cake delivered and made by @greetz.nl ๐Ÿ˜ It turned out so well and it was also so delicious ๐Ÿ˜‹. It’s a pie with whipped cream, chocolate and strawberries. The picture you can see is from the wedding of my brother last year. I also made some beautiful cards for my parents. They loved it so much. I love to be creative yeahhh. It’s always great to be with the family all together celebrating birthdays. The fondue was delicious like always. We also ate vanilla ice cream and fruits. Het was heel gezellig haha like we say in Dutch. Love you all ๐Ÿ’—

Bike trip to the Cruquius for my mother’s birthday ๐Ÿšฒ

You may think we celebrate all our birthdays in the family 10000 times hahah well it’s true ๐Ÿ˜‚. My daddy always says my birthday is not just one day but a whole month lol. We had fondue on Saturday and Sunday the 22th of September was the official birthday from my mother. On that day it was so sunny and like 24 degrees. We went biking to a place where you take a ferry boat to the other side. It’s for free and we always give the volunteers some money. Then they always ring the bell. We drank a delicious mint tea ๐Ÿต in the restaurant. Afterwards, went biking to home as you can also take the bridge to the park and go home. I love living by a great park. Nature is the best natural medicine in the world. It always makes me so happy.

Enjoying a delicious tiramisu ๐Ÿฅง

Last week I enjoyed a delicious tiramisu as dessert with my mother and a friend in the restaurant De Molenplas which is in the park. I loved it! ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜‹ I really like to eat only the desserts haha ๐Ÿ˜‚ It was a delicious tiramisu pie with lemon ice cream, grapes, dragon fruit, chocolate sauce, whipped cream and berries. My mother and the friend ate a delicious apple pie. We also drank a nice mint tea which is one my fav flavours of tea.

Pie and shopping time in the Hema ๐Ÿฅง๐Ÿ›๏ธ

I bought some nice stationery in the Dutch shop The Hema ๐Ÿ˜. It’s definitely one of my favourite shops. The stationery is beautiful. I bought some nice stickers with a mermaid theme and aaah I love it so much. It has mermaids ๐Ÿงœโ€โ™€๏ธ, sea shells and seahorses on it. I also bought washi tape of this theme. I also bought some design paper. It’s beautiful as it contains gold paper with glitter, blue paper with glitter and also other pages with stars and flowers. I can use that for my pen pals and write some nice quotes on it. I really love beautiful paper. My mother and I also enjoyed some delicious pie with a cup of tea. I had a chocolate pie and my mother had a strawberry one.

Watched some nice movies with my parents ๐ŸŽฌ

I love to watch movies downstairs with my parents especially when it’s getting colder as the living room is very cozy. We watched Boyhood but only until the half of it as I got scared when I saw a man being angry. I don’t want to say some spoilers. I’m a highly sensitive person so I can’t watch scary movies because it makes me anxious. However, later I watched the movie in my room and it was okay. I expected somehow more of the movie as it won some prizes as an Oscar. It’s the story of a 6 year old boy who you see growing up. I loved to see the people growing up in the movie and there were some beautiful quotes at the end. It’s just that the movie takes 3 hours and there isn’t an important plot like in other movies.

“You know how everyone’s always saying seize the moment? I don’t know, I’m kinda thinking it’s the other way around. You know, like the moment seizes us.”

I also watched the movie Brave which is such a lovely animated movie ๐Ÿ’—. I really loved the music so much, the story of the princess who don’t want to marry the prince but just want to go wild and do archery ๐ŸŽฏ. Then she runs away from the house and some magical things happen. I loved to see Merida being brave as I really do hope to be brave one day too suffering from anxiety. Lastly, I also saw the Spanish documantary Lots of kids, a monkey and a castle. It tells us the story of Julita and I find it really hilarious. She is such a great actress. This documentary also won a lot of prizes and I’m really glad about that. In one point in the documentary they have to leave the castle where they were living so they have to move all their stuff to their home which is way too much ๐Ÿ˜‚. The family is also seraching for the vertebra of Julia’s grandmother in their house. She was killed during the civil war in Spain.

Fun afternoon with my mother at the shopping mall ๐Ÿ›’๐Ÿ’—

While I was in Spain I won a prize for a free Subway menu for me and my mother. The people of the FB site said to me that it wasn’t a problem to use it now in September. So, last week we went to Subway and this man sounded grumpy and said like it was too late but he made an expection for us. I always am afraid that people are angry at me but that’s just because I’m sensitive about everything always ๐Ÿ˜ข. I was happy that we still could enjoy the menu. They didn’t told us that we had to go there between two weeks. Anyways, we had a delicious menu with a Sub 30cm with chicken, salad, olives, vegies, tomato and as sauce sweet onion. We really loved it so much ๐Ÿ˜ . I had a rainbow cookie and my mother a chocolate one. I drank green ice tea and my mother sparkling water with lemon. It was all so delicious.

I also did some shopping ๐Ÿ›’. My mother bought me beatiful nail polish of the colour light green, blue with glitters and a pink lipgloss. It was all on sale in the Hema. We also went to my favourite shop which is Action and bought some nice stationery. You can never have enough. I bought some beautiful colourful hobby carton, cardboard patters full of hearts, ice creams, donuts and other cute stuff, and a map where I can put all stickers, notes and quotes I get from my lovely pen pals.

Things I did with my lovely friends ๐Ÿ’—:

Receiving a beautiful pen pal letter from Chloe โœ’๏ธโœ‰๏ธ

I always LOVE to receive pen pal letters so much! Receiving post is just one of my happy things in life. I was happy to receive this month beautiful post from Chloe who I love so much. Thank you for your beautiful letter and for all the lovely stickers, notes, postcard and all cute stuff. You are so lovely and I can’t wait to meet you one day. I love your handwriting too so much. I wish mine wasn’t that messy hahah. Thank you for being one of my best friends. I love you so much! ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ’•

Fiestas of Valladolid ๐ŸŽ‰

At the beginning of September it was fiesta time in Valladolid which is also called Feria y fiestas de la Virgen de San Lorenzo ๐ŸŽ‰๐Ÿ’ƒ. It’s the Catholic patroness of Valladolid. I love this week so much. I ate delicious tapas like croquetas, bread with solomillo and roquefort, paella, pizza, delicious desserts like pie and ice with hot chocolate and fajitas. I also loved the nutella crรชpe with whipped cream we ate after the concert. IT WAS SO DELICIOUS LIKE OMGGGGGG GIVE ME ALL THE CHOCOLATE ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿซ๐Ÿ˜‹ I liked the cotton candy too which reminded me of my childhood aahhh good vibes. You can all eat these tapas at stands in the whole city. You can also watch the fireworks at night but we didn’t went because it’s always so crowded. I also always love to go to concerts with my friends and my mother ๐ŸŽถ. I went to see Gloria Gaynor (Who sings the popular song I will survive), Ana Belรฉn, and the flamenco kinda pop group Camela. I also wanted to see Maldita Nerea but it was raining that night so I didn’t go out. I always enjoy this week so much.

Other amazing things of September:

Reaching 400 followers ๐Ÿ’—

I’m so happy I reached 400 followers on my blog. Each one of you mean so much to me. I know not everyone interacts with me as there are a lot of marketing and dating blogs who love to follow me lol I have no idea why ๐Ÿ˜‚. I’m thankful for all the friendships I made. Thank you for all being there for me in good and worst times. WE WILL ALWAYS BE UNITED TOGETHER GOING THROUGH LIFE UNTIL THE END OF TIMES. I just had to shout this, okay? Okay. I love you all so much.

Contribution in the new book of Ashley L. Peterson ๐Ÿ“™

I feel so blessed and happy to have contributed to the book “Making sense of psychiatric diagnosis” of Ashley. She is such an amazing blogger and writer. “It covers the DSM-5 criteria for a variety of mental illnesses, including whatโ€™s involved in making a diagnosis, the symptom criteria for each diagnosis, and an explanation of what the various symptoms actually look like.ย It will explain why a personโ€™s diagnoses may change over time, and discuss some of the weaknesses in this kind of diagnostic system.” I wrote about how it is to live with generalised anxiety disorder. I’m sure you book will help a lot of people ๐Ÿ’—. Keep being you!

Thank you all for reading this blog post. I hope you all liked my favourites of this month. What did you do in September? What are your favourites from my post? Do you like the movies I have watched? Let me know lovelies. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

Much love ๐Ÿ’•,

xoxo Christina

Will I ever make my wildest and biggest dreams come true?

Hola lovelies ๐Ÿ’•,

I wanted to write a more uplifting post today but I feel like I can’t. I cried last night for a few hours and I just have to write it down here. I always have to write about how I’m feeling on that moment because if I don’t do it that moment will pass and I wouldn’t be able to write about it anymore. It wouldn’t feel real anymore. I would never fake how I feel on my blog because then I wouldn’t be honest and authentic on my blog. I always want to be honest in real life and online. This blog post will be about some feelings and thoughts I have lately, why I cried last night, and about reaching our dreams.

So, last night I was just scrolling through Intagram when I saw a picture of one of my best friends with her boyfriend and then I saw something more and was in shock ๐Ÿคฏ. I just couldn’t stop crying. My good friend got engaged and didn’t tell me anything. I didn’t even know she had a boyfriend. I was like what?! I felt left out and hurt. Some hours has passed and I still feel that way. I had to cry so much. I’m not jealous of her. I always want the best for everyone and want everyone to be happy. I’m also on my period so I’m even more emotional and sensitive for everything. Even though I’m sometimes in Spain for a few months and then I come back to The Netherlands I always love to keep in contact with my friends and family. When such a good friend doesn’t say such an important thing of their life well I guess it’s normally to feel left out and lonely. I also am afraid or friendship will change. I’m so afraid of loosing people. The break up of my first love makes me extremely afraid of people walking away from my life. Of course, I have to be happy for my friend which I’m but then I began to think negatively about my own life and how far behind I’m with the rest of my friends. I feel like I’m the only one not reaching milestones in life.

You know that moment you are lying in bed and you feel like your whole world is crashing down? Well, that’s what happened last night. It’s not only this news which makes me feel that way. I feel lost for so long in my life. For like two years I feel like I’m just surviving through life instead of living. I can’t move on in life because of anxiety ๐Ÿ˜”. My mother understand me the best and says I have to go to the doctor for it. I had some talks a few years ago with a social worker and got nauseous every time so yeah I don’t know if that would help. My mother takes valium so sometimes when I’m really anxious I take that from her too and I also have some anti anxiety meds being subscribed from the doctor in Spain. My father is also there for me but I would prefer if I ever ask for help as in therapy do it in Spain. There are really good professionals out there. To be honest I’m also afraid of asking for help and speaking up.

It’s something that I keep repeating and I’m sorry if I write about this much lately like I did in this blog post. It’s just how I feel often. It makes me depressed and anxious to see all people moving on with their lives while I can’t. Many of my friends are in a relationship, are getting jobs and moving in with each other. I feel like I will be the last one to settle down or will not reach anything in life. Do we have to reach some goal in life or is it all just a myth of society to keep us going? It’s not that I want to die even though I really say that a lot to my mother mostly and I also think it a lot. I will never do anything to myself. I would be too scared for that. It’s just and always have been that I’m afraid of death but also of life and therefore I can’t move on in life. It’s so hard. It’s though to feel this way as I don’t know what the solution would be.

What felt good last night was that in those bad moments I always write in the Yoga Girl Community on Facebook. It’s my safe space like this blog ๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ™. It feels good to know that you aren’t alone with your thoughts and feelings. This all can feel too much and makes me feel so lonely. It makes me feel a bit better to know that there’s someone out there who also is feeling your feelings and maybe even in that moment. It makes it feel less isolating. Being a highly sensitive person is just so overwhelming sometimes. It’s a blessing but sometimes also a curse because every little thing hit me in life. I worry too much, I get anxious fast and I feel every emotion of all the people I love in life. It’s hard to be sensitive in a world where not everyone understands that.

What I’m the most afraid of is thinking that I won’t reach my dreams in life. I’m happy seeing my friends and all the people I love getting married, having babies and doing all the things they love. I just wish I will live the life I dream of too in the future. Yesterday I applied again to a job which is to work for the surf brand O’Neill in a shop in Spain. I just never get any reply back from a job and if I get one then it’s mostly negative. It makes me feel like I want to give up on everything in life. I’m tired. Really. I’m so tired of everything. I’m 26 years, still so young and have my life ahead of me. How can I say that? It’s just how I feel. Feeling anxious about a lot of things and going through life while feeling anxious is really exhausting. I just wish there would be a cure to that. I just also always feel like nothing makes sense if we all die one day. It makes me go in a negative state and it’s hard to let those thoughts go in that moment.

The most inspiring thing of all of this is that YES OF COURSE I HAVE DREAMS โœจ. I want to be able to say I went for it and made them all come true. I just don’t know how to begin. I want to write a poetry book and maybe publish it. I want to be able to surf well and surf some waves ๐Ÿ„โ€โ™€๏ธ๐ŸŒŠ. I want to travel the world and go to amazing places like Costa Rica, Hawaii, California and Aruba ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ผ ๐ŸŒด. I want to take singing ๐ŸŽถ classes or maybe join a choir again. I want to go to the yoga retreat of Yoga Girl in Aruba. I would love to have a house on the beach and see the sea every time I wake up. I just want to live a happy life, do the things I love, be surrounded by the people I love and not feel constantly anxious about everything. Most of all, I just want to heal myself while I heal others in this world ๐ŸŒ. Is that too much to ask for? I want to be of service in this world and I know that will be the key to contribute to the world while feeling purposeful. Just writing these sentences makes me cry because deep down in my heart I know that I have a purpose. It’s just that I don’t know how to make all these dreams happen and I find it hard to find a specific job in something I love to do. Then I feel overwhelmed and get anxious of all of it and don’t do anything.

One of my best pen pal friends wrote me some lovely messages today and one of them was that I’m being too hard on myself. It’s definitely true and I always have been way too hard on myself. I also sometimes feel that I give more love then I will ever receive in my life which I wrote about in this blog post. I truly believe that there are some people born who give more love than they will ever receive back. I’m also one of them. I’m a giver. I give too much and you can’t go on in life when you are constantly giving and not receiving the same love back. It makes it all so exhausting. I have to be able to set more boundaries.

So back to my question. Will I ever be able to make my big dreams come true? Maybe I will but it all just takes time. It’s also okay if I think of new dreams and throw other dreams in the bin. Life changes constantly and so do we. Experiences change us. Our interest changes within the years through life. We have just this one life. We are all doing the best we can. It’s okay to cry, to be angry and to be happy. My most important lesson of today was that it’s okay to feel. Let it be ๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ™.

To love and let go, love and let go, love and let go…it’s the single most important thing we can learn in this lifetime.– Rachel Brathen

Rachel Brathen also called Yoga Girl which is my biggest inspiration in life wrote a new book which is about loss, gratitude and love. She lost her best friend in a car accident while she was going through surgery for her appendix. It’s a heartbreaking story. I’m ready to heal my heart while reading this book. It will come this week by post. I need it. It’s about all kinds of loss in life.

Thank you all for reading this blog post. Do you also feel this way? What advice would you give me? How do I feel less lonely and more purposeful in life? How can we all reach our wildest dreams while being fearful and anxious all the time? Let me know lovelies. Your words and advice are always so appreciated ๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ™. I love you all so much. Thank you for always holding space for me. I will be there for you too. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

Much love ๐Ÿ’•,

xoxo Christina

World Suicide Prevention Day ๐Ÿ•ฏ๏ธ๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ™

Hey lovelies ๐Ÿ’•,

I wrote this for World Suicide Prevention Day and shared it on Instagram but never here. It was 10 September but it’s never too late to share it here too. September is also Suicide Prevention Month. It’s an important topic that has to be spoken about. Also as I consider myself a menta health blogger and advocate I keep on writing about this topic. I also suffer from anxiety as you know by now so writing about it makes me feel less alone. We can be there for each other. We have to be vulnerable, honest and help each other. Only then can we all heal in this world ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ’•โœจ.

Today is an important day because it’s World Suicide Prevention Day. This has to be important every day, not only just today. There are two important projects/organizations which help people in need with the prevention of suicide which are TWLOHA and the Proyect Semicolon. It’s important that organizations and also NGO’s help all the people in need. There still has to be a lot of improvement in the help we all need. Waiting lists are way too long, help is not always available in the right time and also the treatment is not being right sometimes. So there still need to change a lot in the mental health sector to be better accessible for everyone in need ๐Ÿ’—.

Suicide is still one of the main causes of death in this world. More than 800.000 people die each year by suicide. That’s one person every 40 seconds. Women tend to have more suicidal thoughts whereas there are more men who die by suicide. Men are more silence about their struggles than women. I believe in equality so everyone has the right to speak up about their emotions or feelings regardless their gender. Speaking up is a sign of strength and is not a weakness. Crying is also not a weakness. We all cry. Sometimes we hold so much in us that at the end we fell apart. That means that you have been strong for way too long. It’s okay to fall apart as we find ourselves back with breaking apart and letting ourselves go. Let it all go โœจ.

I think a person who has a mental illness can have suicidal thoughts. It’s more easier for them as they are already struggling with their mental health. I suffer from anxiety myself and also have these thoughts sometimes. I know that I will not act on it so I feel like my struggles don’t even matter. You have to know that no problem is worse than any other problem, how little or big it. We all matter and what we feel is real. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. I just wish we would treat every mental illness with respect, compassion and understanding. Everyone deserve help and every experience is valid. Not because someone has it worse than you means that your feelings and thoughts don’t count.

I’m blessed for all the beautiful and amazing people I know in my life, online and in real life. Thank you for the friends and family who are always there for me โค๏ธ . I will also be there for anyone in this world who need to speak up about it. I still feel like I can speak about it easier online or with people who really understand me. It’s still somehow a taboo and this needs to end. The only way to help each other is to be able to speak up about our struggles in our mental health. We all have physical and mental health. We can all suffer from it and can suffer from a mental illness. It has no race, gender, sexuality or nationality.

The point is suicide is everywhere around us. We can’t close our eyes and act like we don’t see it. I really hate how people care about others when it’s too late. We have to check on our loved ones when we see the signs to be able to prevent suicide. Not all is lost if we keep raising awareness about it. Also instutions and mental health centers have to be able to help people in need whenever they need it. Nowadays I hear a lot of bad stories of how there’s only help available when it’s almost too late and also stories that doesn’t end well. You matter and your feelings are valid. When you are in crisis you need to be able to get the help you need in that moment and you deserve to have a great treatment afterwards to not fall back into crisis again. Also I think suicide prevention is very important. Workers in the mental health sector have to intervent early such as with suicide prevention. This hopefully could lead to less people dying by suicide.

I really know we can help each other and make this world a better place to live in if we all commit to it ๐ŸŒ๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ™. There needs to be help available for everyone who needs it. I hope that I can help these people in the future. I hope to be of service for those who need it. Tomorrow needs me because my purpose in life is to heal myself while helping others. Remember, you are loved. You are worth it. You are enough even if you don’t feel that all the time. You really are SO enough. The world is brighter because of YOU! We need the darkness in life to find the light at the end of it. You are never alone ๐Ÿ’—. We are all in this together ๐Ÿ’ช

Thank you all for reading this important blog post. What do you think of suicide prevention? Do you think it would help? What do you think needs to change in the mental health sector to be it accessible for everyone? Let me know lovelies. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

Much love ๐Ÿ’•,

xoxo Christina

Music of August ๐Ÿ’—๐ŸŽถ & 400 followers ๐ŸŽ‰๐Ÿ’ž

Hey lovelies ๐Ÿ’•,

Here is another beautiful month full of amazing music! The music I loved the most in August was of course the beautiful new album Lover of my queen Tay Tay aka Taylor Swift yeahhh ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ‘ธ. Let’s do this.

I also happy that I reached 400 followers which I’m so proud of. Thank you for always being there for me. Thank you for being there for me in the good and bad times. I will stay with you all forever. Love you so much ๐Ÿ’ž

Taylor Swift – Lover

Finally Taylor Swift released her seventh album! ๐Ÿ˜๐ŸŽ‰ I was waiting so long for this to happen. I loved the album Reputation but I wanted again some country and other pop songs like her older albums. I think this album really comes back to her old roots again and it is just so amazing. I loved all the songs so much. This album is about all the forms of love such as family, friends, relationships and life in general. I’m also so proud that this album is her own. Maybe, I will do a review of all the songs next month. For now I just want to share some of my favourites songs of this album. I already told you guys that I loved the song Me, YNTCM and The Archer.

It’s definitely one of my fav albums ever ๐Ÿ’žโœจ. That’s why I also bought it which you can read in this blog post. Thank you Tay Tay for being so real, honest and always so lovely. I can’t wait to meet you one day and see you live. That would be a dream coming true. I’ve been a fan since I was 16 years old so yeah already 10 years and I will keep counting more years. I wish you so much love, happiness and luck in your personal life and in your career. I love you so much, to infinity and beyond, to the moon and back ๐ŸŒœ๐ŸŒ›.

Taylor Swift – Paper Rings

“I like shiny things, but I’d marry you with paper rings
Uh huh, that’s right
Darling, you’re the one I want, and
I hate accidents except when we went from friends to this
Uh huh, that’s right
Darling, you’re the one I want, and
Paper rings and picture frames and dirty dreams
Oh, you’re the one I want”

THIS SONG IS SUCH A BOP. MY FAVOURITE. I always start to dance around my home like crazyyyy ๐Ÿ’ƒ. I love the sound, the beat and asdfghjkl it makes me so happy ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜„.

Taylor Swift – Lover

This is just such a beautiful and romantic song ๐Ÿ’˜. I love the video too as it describes her life. You can see the house with all the different rooms with represents her albums, her different eras. This song would be perfect for a dance on a wedding ๐Ÿ’’ ๐Ÿคต๐Ÿ‘ฐ. It sound so sweet and it’s just such a good love song. Also her whole album makes me feel in love even though I have no lover lol. I’m so alone ๐Ÿ˜”๐Ÿ˜‚.

Taylor Swift ft. Dixie Chicks – Soon you’ll get better

Ooh-ah, soon you’ll get better
Ooh-ah, soon you’ll get better
Ooh-ah, you’ll get better soon
‘Cause you have to


And I hate to make this all about me
But who am I supposed to talk to?
What am I supposed to do
If there’s no you?

This song makes me so emotional and I cried when I first heard it. It’s a beautiful country song. It’s about Taylor’s mom who has cancer. She got again cancer this year. I really hope she will get better. It reminds me of all the people suffering from cancer, mental illness or any other illness. I hope they all will get better soon ๐Ÿ™.

Taylor Swift – London Boy

Such a lovely and happy song! We all know that she wrote this song about her lover Joe Alwyn. I wish her so much happiness and love. She definitely deserves it all โค๏ธ.

Ariana Grande ft. Social House – Boyfriend

From one queen to another queen ๐Ÿ‘‘. Ari released another amazing song! I love the beat and just all of it. I guess we all have one person in our life which we like but are not together with them. However, we also don’t want to see them with anyone else. It’s definitely a complicated mess.

Miley Cyrus – Slide away

“Move on, we’re not 17
I’m not who I used to be
You say that everything changed
You’re right, we’re grown now”

AMAZING SONG. Miley is back and I’m so happy! This is one of my fav songs right now. The video was released in September but the song was released in August so I will already share the official video. She’s beautiful and her voice is so goooood. I know she will keep on releasing good music. She’s on fire!๐Ÿ”ฅ

Amaia – Quedarรก en nuestra mente

Amaia who is the winner from the Spanish talentshow Operaciรณn Triunfo 2017 will release her new album next Friday which also included this beautiful song. I love that she only release music which are her style. This may not sound like the typical pop songs but I really love it so much. It makes me feel nostalgic and she also has such a lovely and dreamy voice. I can listen to her for hours and never get tired of her voice. She’s just amazing.

Rosalรญa ft. Ozuna – Yo x ti, Tu x por mi

Rosalรญa is the one of the most famous Spanish artist right now and I’m just so proud of her. Her music is amazing ๐Ÿ‘. This song has so much flow and sounds so good! Ozuna is a singer who sings reggeaton music. My fav part is always LA ROSALรAAAA.

Lola Indigo ft. Don Patricio – Lola bunny

The chorus just sticks in my head. I really like this catchy song. Lola Indigo was the first one who had to leave during the Spanish talentshow two years ago and now she is becoming one of the biggest artists in Spain and also in Latin America. She also dances so well.

Julia Michaels – Body

I just wanna love my body like you love my body
I wanna look in the mirror and tell it that it’s beautiful like you do
I wanna love my body like you love my body
Wanna make it feel like it’s incredible like you do
And I don’t see what you see
But I want to, I want to, oh
Love my body like I love your body

Her album Inner Monologue Part 2 was released in June but she just released this beautiful video of the song Body. It’s definitely one of my fav songs of her new album. We all may feel insecure about our body but we have to learn to love our bodies. We are all enough. We may not always believe that we are enough but really we are.

Julia Michaels – 17

This is also one of my favourite songs of Julia. It makes me so happy and I love the video she just released. She is so cute and I could listen to her voice for like forevah because it’s so different and raw than other artists I listen to. She’s is an amazing singer-songwriter ๐Ÿ’ž๐Ÿ‘Œ.

Cupido ft. Lola Indigo & Alizzz – Autoestima

I love this collaboration with Lola Indigo. It’s a nice song. They sing about how their parents made them a beautiful face and that beautiful people are not getting liked that much. In the video you also see that there are surrounded with trash. It’s funny hahah ๐Ÿ˜‚.

Marilia Monzรณn – Algarabรญa

It’s sad that this don’t get that much views and interaction like other songs from other concursants of the Spanish talentshow. Marilia just released this happy song which I really like. Algarabรญa means a noice produced by happy and festive voices which is a good description of her song.

Davina Michelle – Better now

“I think it’s better now, better now, let go
I’m better off, I’m better off alone
It’s time to grab my shit and leave
You clean this mess up after me
It’s better now, better now, I go”

There are not that much artists I love in The Netherlands but Davina is one of them. This song is awesome! I also love how there are two girls kissing in the video as LGBT+ representation is so important in the music industry and just always in this world we live in ๐ŸŒ๐Ÿณ๏ธโ€๐ŸŒˆ. Love is love.

Ava Max – Torn

I love her other songs such as Sweet but psycho and So am I more but this song is also great. I can’t wait for more new music of her to release.

Thank you all for reading this blog post. What was your favourite song of August? Have you listened to any of these songs? Which song did you like from my post? Let me know lovelies. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

Much love ๐Ÿ’•,

xoxo Christina

I feel like everyone is living their best life, except me

Hey lovelies ๐Ÿ’•,

I just needed to write this down here and share it with you all. I hope my thoughts make some sense as these feelings and thoughts make me feel bad and sad ๐Ÿ˜ข. I have this in my mind for so long right now that I just need to let it out. The best place to let it out is here on my blog writing about it. I’m going to write about how I feel right now. I feel like everyone is living their best life, except me. It’s like I’m stuck in this place in life and I don’t know how to seem to get out of it. It hurt me.

I feel like everyone is going on with their lives and enjoying their lives while I’m stuck in this hole. I’m stuck in a place and I don’t know how to get myself out of it. I’m not depressed but anxiety gets in my way and makes me also feel this way. I know everything you see on social media isn’t real because most people only show the good things in life like when they get a great job, are getting married ๐Ÿ’, have a baby or buy a house ๐Ÿก . I see so many people I know achieving all big milestones in life while I just watch them from the sideline. It still hurt me sometimes to look at those pictures and think wow I’m 26 years old and I’m so behind in life. I struggle to find a job as you all know by now. I’m single and have no driver license. I sometimes get sad and also anxious about how I feel like nothing is going right in my life. I’m just surviving instead of living.

Some people I follow share their best travel pictures and go to amazing places where I dream of going to ๐ŸŒŠ๐ŸŒด๐Ÿ„โ€โ™€๏ธ ๐ŸŒž. I know I also travel and have fun with my family and friends but that doesn’t mean it’s all okay. We all struggle but not everyone shows it in this world we live in. This is also the reason why I’m so looking into real friendships, relationships or any other connection may it be online or in real life. I crave honesty, empathy, compassion and understanding. I don’t want to be surrounded by toxic or fake people. I have done that in the past and it only made me feel worse in the long term. Being bullied during high school also makes me feel more careful around people now as I don’t want to get hurt again. It’s like I have a wall surrounding myself which is also not always good to have. I just wish people would be more real these days as I just can’t deal with all the fake people and things out there in this world ๐Ÿ’”. Is it too much to ask for realness in this world? Does it mean more for people to be fake just to impress others? I really don’t know. I just know that being real is what I want to be all my life even though that means loosing people who aren’t on the same vibe as I’m.

You know that feeling when you see someone who used to be your friend but you don’t even talk much anymore and then they ask you how are you are doing and about your life? Well, I just don’t want to talk about the truth with certain people as many people are only curious, want to gossip around about the things you said and don’t even care at all. They will tell you how awesome their life is and all that fake stuff which I can’t deal with. I just always have to lie about things in my life which I don’t like because I want to be real. In those moments I just don’t know what to say. I don’t like lying but I also don’t like to share intimate stuff with people who don’t even care. It’s none of their business you know. I have always been that sweet, innocent girl and I still am in some ways but I also don’t want that people take adventage of me anymore because of my soft personality.

I’m maybe not the only one who think they are behind in life. I know life is not a timeline of things we have to achieve at a certain age but society constantly throws it on our face. It’s hard to not look away from it and think about it in the middle of the night when you can’t sleep. When I say to people in The Netherlands I still live at home they look strange at me. In Spain children live like for so long with their parents. I really love that family is important in Spain as when the parents are older the children care about them. I think that’s also a normal thing to do when your parents have cared about you your whole life. I love my parents and they are the most important people in my life together with my whole family and all my friends in real life and online of course ๐Ÿ’–. It’s just that society will not stop with these messages. We have to know that it’s our life and that everything is okay. We have to tell ourselves that everything we do in life is at the right time. We are all different and we all lead different lives. If we would be all the same it would be pretty boring.

I also have to remind myself that I’m doing my best and that that is enough. People think anxiety is an excuse for not doing certain things such as working. I would love to feel good and be able to do a good job. I’m applying for jobs but often don’t hear back. They will say I’m lazy, don’t try hard enough or that the things which takes me effort cause me anxiety. It’s true that working, going to the dentist, doctors and all that stuff scare me and cause me anxiety and sometimes also panic attacks. It’s not my fault. I don’t get anxiety when I travel only during the flight or when I have fun with my friends at a concert. I guess some people think that people who suffer from a mental illness just make everything up so that we don’t have to work or do scary stuff. I’m happy with the friends, family, blogging community, pen pals and the yoga girl community. I love all your support and appreciate it so much ๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ™. I also heard lately how I’m not doing an effort of feeling better because of suffering of anxiety. I don’t know if going to therapy would help me because I was vomiting and nauseous all the time when I went to speak to someone a few years ago. I don’t want to go through that again. Going to doctors, dentists and all that stuff makes me anxious so yeah it’s a circle where I don’t go of so I don’t know what to do.

I just wish that we all will achieve our dreams. I have so many dreams but I don’t know how to reach them and that’s when I get stuck and can’t move forward out of fear. We all deserve to achieve our dreams and live a life we are happy about. I hope that we can all find that happiness we are looking for โœจ. I also just wish people would be more understanding these days especially for the ones who are struggling. I will keep raising awareness about mental health. It helps for me to be vulnerable enough to write it all down. Maybe it will help someone to feel less alone. Maybe you also feel this way and can share it with me. Maybe we can help each other and find a way out of this mess. Life is a beautiful mess and I’m so happy to be on this road all together. May we laugh. May we cry. May we always stick together for the end of our times ๐Ÿ’–.

Thank you all for reading this blog post. I hope you all understand what I just told you about. Can you relate to my feelings? Do you also feel like everyone is living their best life while you feel behind? How are you doing in life right now? Let me know lovelies. I will be always be there for you like you all are there for me โค๏ธ. That will never change. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

Much love ๐Ÿ’•,

xoxo Christina

August favourites ๐ŸŠโ€โ™€๏ธ๐ŸŒž๐ŸŒŠ๐ŸŽถ

Holaaaa lovelies ๐Ÿ’•,

It’s time for another favourites post. I will share with you all what I did in August. I saw a lot of good movies, swam in the swimming pool, bought some awesome stationery, I bought The Album of Taylor Swift which came out last month and I did some other nice stuff as well. It’s less warm right now which is better but also makes me realize that Summer is ending soon. Summer is my fav season and I get always sad when Summer ends ๐Ÿ˜ญ. The dark Winter months make my mental health worse. I love the sunshine ๐ŸŒž . I’m just a Summer girl forevah! Right now, I have a bad cold. Hopefully I will feel better soon ๐Ÿ™ .

Things I did with my family ๐Ÿ‘ช:

I bought Taylor Swift Deluxe Album Version 4 ๐Ÿ˜๐ŸŽถ

I’M SO HAPPY YEAHHH!!!! I bought the beautiful new album Lover of @taylorswift at @elcorteingles when I was going out with my parents ๐Ÿ˜๐ŸŽถ๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ‘ธโœจ๐ŸŒฅ I love it so much. My fav songs are Paper rings, Lover, YNTCD, London Boy and Soon you’ll get better. I really liked the conversation I had with the worker in El Corte Inglรฉs when I bought it. She said I was lucky because these deluxe versions where sold out that day. She deserve it all! ๐Ÿ’— Then she put the cd Lover on and said so you can get in the mood. It really made me so happy haha ๐Ÿ˜ I asked her if she also listened to it and she said yes and then she said it’s really nice. I’m so happy I have chosen Taylor Swift as my idol all my life. Tay Tay means so much to me. I love her personality. She’s always so kind, so lovely and so honest. She also got through a lot of though times. I’m so happy that this album is her own album with her credits. Being a fan is more than supporting just your favourite artist. It’s a way of life. They are more than just being an artist, they are a person and deserve their privacy and also I know they aren’t a kind of God.

I love her so much but I also know that she is just a human being who also suffer, cries, goes through though times as loosing the people we love and having a heartbreak ๐Ÿ’” . I wish people would think of this more when we love an artist and when we are supporting them. Often in this world it feels like famous people have those perfect lives when they haven’t. I always think that’s much more thougher to go through life being famous because you are always in the public eye. People judge a lot and that hurt. I’m just so blessed to have Taylor in my life. I have been following her for years now since Love Story came out. I was 17 years old and I was falling in love with my first love. It was that time that I listened to songs such as Fairytale and Jump then fall. I felt happy and so in love. Then I turned 19 years and had to go through a though heartbreak. There was Taylor with her music who got me through it. I’m so thankful for her music. I love the song Teardrops on my guitar and Our song.

Thank you Taylor for being such an amazing artist and person. I can’t wait to go to a concert of you! ๐Ÿ˜ You mean so much to me. I love you so so much ๐Ÿ’• xoxo

Drinking a tea and a piece of pie in hotel El Olid ๐Ÿต๐Ÿฅง

The day I bought the new album of Taylor Swift I also went afterwards to the hotel El Olid with my parents. I love to drink camille tea. I had a delicious chocolate pie and my mother had a piece of apple pie. We had a nice time together.

Eating chinese food with the family ๐Ÿฝ

We celebrated the first anniversary of the wedding of my brother Rafael and Verรณnica and the birthday of her mother all together with my mother and her brother in a chinese restaurant in Valladolid. The food was so good ๐Ÿ˜. I really loved it so much! We drank sangria ๐Ÿท which was so delicious. We ate rice, chicken, vegetables and noodles. It was really way too much food so we brang some food home for the next day. We had such a great time together. I had never been to this restaurant. It also looked very cozy, nice and the service was really good. I love Spanish food more but this dinner was also very delicious ๐Ÿ˜‹. We gave my brother and wife some cookies and a card and we gave the mother of Verรณnica some perfume and a card for her birthday. They loved it very much.

Going to the swimming pool ๐ŸŠ๐ŸŒž

I went another 6 times to the outdoor swimming pool this month. I’m a mermaid forevah! ๐Ÿงœโ€โ™€๏ธNow they are closed again until next year which makes me sad. I only go to the swimming pool during the Summer but I really want to go during the Winter too. It’s just harder because I don’t like to wear wet hair outside when it’s cold outside. However, I enjoyed the last days in the swimming pool with my mother and my friend. I was reading The Great Gatsby these days too in the sunshine.

Carrefour shopping ๐Ÿ›’

I went to Carrefour one day which is a French multinational. It’s one of my favourite shops and supermarkts. I love that we have so many in Spain. I went one day with my mother to buy a SD card for my phone as the other didn’t work again. I also bought a book ๐Ÿ“™ which is about how to make good things happen to you. I heard a lot of great reviews about this book. The writer is a psychiatrist which knows all about mental illnesses and mental health. I hope this self help book will help to conquer my anxiety. I also bought some cup a soup which I always drink in The Netherlands. I also bought some crafts which I can use to sent washi tape to my pen pals or do something else with it. I’m also happy to have bought finally some beautiful Stabilo highlighters which I have seen always on mia‘s blog which is one of my fav bloggers here ๐Ÿ’•.

Shopping in Granada ๐Ÿ’—

When I went to Granada I bought some nice writing paper in a shop where they had books and stationery. The writing paper is very beautiful with a red rose on it ๐ŸŒน. In my favourite shop Alle-Hop which we don’t have in Valladolid I bought a golden shiny notebook, colourful markers, cute colourful bracelets, some nice mangets (one is for my daddy, one for myself with the donut on it and the other ones are for some good friends) and a lovely sticky notebook which 15 pages full of beautiful colours, unicorns and clouds. In a hippie shop in Granada I bought some beautiful postcards which I always love to buy in every place I travel to. I also bought in that shop some lavender soap and a beautiful box for it.

Movie night with my mother ๐ŸŽฅ๐ŸŒƒ

I saw some good movies with my mother because my brother fixed our television. It’s so nice to be able to watch movies and series on TV ๐Ÿ“บ . The movies we watched were Everything, Everything which is also the book I have read this Summer, Pitch Perfect 3, Coco, Mama Mia 2, Dumbo, Blue Jay and Toy Story 1. I loved Coco the most as we never watched it before. It’s such a beautiful movie with beautiful music. It made me realize the importance of family and made me learn that the people we loose in life will never be forgotten. They will always be there for us. I also loved Dumbo so much. I had never watched that Disney movie. I loved it and learned a lot about that movie such as there’s nothing bad about being different.

We also watched some Spanish movies such as La Llamada, Toc Toc and Ocho Apellidos Vascos. The one I loved the most was Toc Toc because it was about 6 people who had a mental illness which was OCD and there were all waiting in the waiting room for the doctor. They were all dated the same day at the same time. The doctor didn’t arrive because he was late from a flight. One only thinks in numbers, another one is afraid of virus and bacteria and another one checks everything at home all the time and is religious. There was also a man who was cursing all the time and saying inappropriate things. Then they begin to share their different OCD’s in the hope to find a cure. It’s such a crazy and funny movie. I think it’s really important to show mental illnesses in a positive light rather than always sharing the negative side of it. This movie definitely will make you feel less alone and will help the ones who suffer from it to know that it’s okay to be sick. There are always people who care about us.

Other amazing things of August โค๏ธ:

Trip to Gijรณn with my lovely friend ๐ŸŒŠ๐ŸŒž๐ŸŒด๐Ÿ„โ€โ™€๏ธโ›ต

Our trip to Gijรณn last week was amazing! ๐Ÿ˜ It was definitely one of the best holidays evah. I love to discover new cities especially in Spain because every place I go is beautiful. The beaches in Spain are one of the most beautiful ones in the world. They are so wild, beautiful and amazing. Asturias is a beautiful region of Spain. I always get emotional when I have to go back home. I fall in love with every place I go. Asturias has beautiful nature, green landscape (because of the rain) and beautiful beaches ๐ŸŒŠ. The people are super friendly, helpful and outgoing. It didn’t rain at all. It was about 25 degrees and at night it was 22 so it was really such a perfect temperature.

Sometimes the sun was shining too. We went to the beach La Playa de San Lorenzo which is so beautiful. There were so many waves. I’m sad I didn’t surf again but I will do it soon. There were loads of people surfing, doing sup or swimming in the sea. We also swam in the sea which was awesome. The water temperature was 19.5/20 degrees which is really warm for the north. I loved it so much! ๐Ÿ˜ We ate delicious food and also from the region of Asturias such as fabada Asturiana which are bones with chorizo and sauce. We tried cider ๐Ÿป, had delicious breakfast, ate a delicious ice cream and loads of other good food ๐Ÿฒ. We also went to a beach bar called Pura Vida Bar to have breakfast there which was amazing. Pura vida always! โœŒ๏ธ We also enjoyed the night life which was crazy. We danced the nights away ๐ŸŽถ. There were so many people at the port โš“. I love the beach vibes so much. One boy came to me and said he liked my flower headband ๐ŸŒธโœŒ๏ธhaha forevah a hippie girl!

One night we met lovely people from Basque Country who were celebrating a bachelor party ๐ŸŽ‰. I have family there so it was nice to talk to them. It was so much fun! It’s so nice to meet people who only bring good vibes and respect you. There are so many good people in the world, you just have to find the right ones. We stayed in the Hotel Begoรฑa ๐Ÿฉ which was in the city centre and 15 minutes from the bars, beach and shops. I’m happy I went with my lovely friend ๐Ÿ’— Te quiero! Let’s keep travelling more and more!

Rotterdam is going to host Eurovision Song Contest 2020 ๐ŸŽถ๐Ÿ‡ณ๐Ÿ‡ฑ

I will show you below the beautiful video that shows the world that next year Eurovision Song Contest 2020 will take place in Rotterdam, The Netherlands.ย I cried and felt emotional watching thisย ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜ญย It’s so beautiful. I love how creative and special they made the announcement last Friday. The Netherlands is going to be one of the best host places ever. I just feel it.ย It’s going to be so specialย โœจ. After 44 years Eurovision is coming backย to The Netherlandsย hell yeahhhh let’s do thisย ๐Ÿ˜Ž๐ŸŽ‰๐Ÿ˜๐ŸŽค๐ŸŽธ๐ŸŽ™๏ธ๐ŸŽถ I hope the tickets will be not so expensive to be able to see it live for the first time in my life. It will be a once in a lifetime experience.

Two years blogging anniversary ๐ŸŽ‰

I’m so happy with my achievement of two years blogging! Times goes by so fast. I wrote all about it in this blog post. Writing definitely heals my life and makes me so happy. I will do it all my life and will never stop writing. I’m so thankful to have met you all. This community is amazing. I love you all so much ๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–.

Writing paper from UK ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ“„

I bought beautiful writing paper from a shop in UK online. I bought it from the shop Sweet Stationery on Etsy. It was so cheap and also the delivery was so fast. You get 26 pages from each design. One is with mermaids and another one is a girl with a flamingo. I find it so beautiful! ๐Ÿ˜ I also got free stickers from the shop. I can’t wait to buy more from this shop as I find it difficult to find writing paper in the shops. If anyone know more shops to find it, let me know. I will appreciate it.

10K views on my blog ๐Ÿ–ฅ

I was looking at my statistics of my blog and saw that I have reached 10K views ๐ŸŽ‰. I’m so happy about that. It means so much to me. 10.000 views on my blog wow it sounds so much! I also have almost 400 followers. I hope my blog will continue growing. Much love to you all!

Thank you all for reading this blog post. I hope you all liked it. What did you do in August? Do you have a nice Summer time? What are your favourites of my post? Let me know lovelies. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

Much love ๐Ÿ’•,

xoxo Christina



Poem: How would my life be without fear?

Hey lovelies ๐Ÿ’•,

This will be just a short post about a poem I made a month ago. I still feel this way though. It’s good to put my thoughts and feelings in words. I hope you will understand what I feel with this poem I made. I often feel like I’m just surviving and existing in life than that I’m really living the life I want. I’m afraid of death and I shared those thoughts in this blog post a while ago. However, I’m also afraid of life because I’m not living a life that brings me happiness because of anxiety. I hope that that will change in the future ๐Ÿ™.

๐‘ฏ๐’๐’˜ ๐’˜๐’๐’–๐’๐’… ๐’Ž๐’š ๐’๐’Š๐’‡๐’† ๐’ƒ๐’† ๐’˜๐’Š๐’•๐’‰๐’๐’–๐’• ๐’‡๐’†๐’‚๐’“?

My life would be so different because I wouldn’t feel so extremely anxious for everyday life things such as going to the dentist or going to the doctors.

I would follow my dreams and know that I can reach them like getting a job in Spain and writing a poetry book.

I would join a choir again or do something with singing for sure because I love to sing ๐ŸŽถ It makes me so happy ๐Ÿ’—. Music is life like I always say.

I wouldn’t be afraid of death because I know that my life is purposeful and fulfilling.

I would speak up in real life more instead of hiding myself and avoiding people and confrontation.

I wouldn’t think all the time that people are angry at me.

I would be more happy with myself and with my life.

I would go into the ocean and learn to actually surf waves ๐ŸŒŠ๐Ÿ„โ€โ™€๏ธ and maybe even big waves.

I would let go of the past and be less afraid of the future.

I would deal better with having changes in my life.

I would travel the world ๐ŸŒ and go to amazing places like Aruba ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ผ, Costa Rica ๐ŸŒž, Hawaii ๐ŸŒด and California ๐ŸŒŠ. I would go to the @yoga_girl retreat in Aruba and have the time of my life.

I would live my life the way I want and be less afraid of what people think of me.

I would let go of others expectations.

I would know how to deal with anxiety better.

But most of all, 
I would just be much more happier, be more at peace with myself and live the life I dream of.

Hopefully, one day I can say that I made it ๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿ’— after all the hard times I have faced in my life.

That’s what I and we all deserve.

To live a life we are happy about, do the things we love to do with the people we love.

Thank you all so much for reading my poem. I hope you all liked it ๐Ÿ’—. Do you also feel that way in life? How do you deal with fear in life? Are you more of facing your fears or running away from them? Let me know lovelies. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

Much love ๐Ÿ’•,

xoxo Christina

Life is for the living ๐Ÿ’—๐ŸŒŒ

Hey lovely bloggers ๐Ÿ’•,

Today I want to write about something I thought one night and still think sometimes. These are some thoughts which I think a lot of and can’t seem to let them go. I hope you can understand them and can somehow relate to them. I miss sharing my thoughts and feelings on here which was also the reason I began this blog. I just felt the need to write them down and what better way to share them here on my blog.

So, one Summer night I was sitting in the car with my friends and we were driving back home from celebrating a birthday of our friend. I was looking at the stars from the window of the car and thought of life. I think a lot of this life we are living. I thought about the purpose of life. I think a lot of it actually. I thought of the universe โœจ . It always amazes me and also terrifies me at the same time. We are a drop in the ocean like a drop in the universe. We are nothing compared to the big universe yet we are everything. Life wouldn’t be the same without us all here. Sometimes when I feel bad I think this life is worthless and I don’t understand why I’m living. It makes me feel worse as I think of all the pain and injustice in the world. I often think that it’s difficult to be that sensitive girl in this hard world. People can be so mean and really life can be so so hard and break your whole heart ๐Ÿ’”.

However, I still believe even though during those times that I’m struggling or feeling anxious that we are here living this life for a reason. Even when life breaks our heart in many ways we are here for a reason. In those moments when I look up at the sky and see the stars โœจ shining so brightly and see the moon ๐ŸŒœ๐ŸŒ› following us while we are driving I get emotional. It’s just amazing to think how we all ended up here and our living this life in this beautiful world. We may not always find it beautiful and life can be so hard but there are still moments like this that make it all worth it. I truly believe in that. I’m grateful for all the good people I have in my life. I love my family and friends. I love my blogging friends, pen pal friends and I love to be in the Yoga Girl community. Life is all about sharing love to ourselves and giving that love to others ๐Ÿ’—. That’s why we are living this life.

Those moments I look up at the sky while being at the backseat of the car of my friend I began to think of my purpose in life. Am I doing some purposeful things in life? I’m still looking for a job and feel like I don’t have my life together. I’m still struggling with anxiety about getting a job, going to the dentist or other everyday life things. It’s all okay because I’m still living this life the best I can. I may not earn money from the things I do right now in life but at least I can say I’m making people happy. At least I’m trying, really I am. Even when some people from the outside think we aren’t doing our best, we really are. Don’t compare yourself to someone else their highs in life. We all go through ups and downs in life. Not everyone shows it. This blog means so much for me. I’m able to speak my thoughts and emotions out loud and can help people who struggle with life or feel alone. I have always thought that I’m here to help others and that helping others will heal me too ๐Ÿ’—. I truly believe that’s true. I love to share the truth, be honest and be vulnerable with myself and with you all.

Eventually the universe will give us what we want at the moment we need it. We have to take action but what’s meant to be, will be. At least, that’s what I believe in. I also believe that of course having a job and earning money is important to become independent and be able to care for yourself but the little moments in life are what makes life beautiful. You can earn millions of money, be famous and still feel unhappy. Maybe you are only doing it for the money but you don’t feel purposeful. That will not give you the happiness in life you need. We live for those little moments in life such as seeing a baby smiling at his parents, swimming in the ocean on a Summer day, feeling the warmth on your skin or drinking a tea with your mother during a cold Winter night. All the big things like getting a promotion at work, marriage or getting a new house will not mean anything if you don’t appreciate the little moments in between. Those extra ordinary moments are what make this life beautiful ๐ŸŒŸ .

At the end of our lives, it’s all about how much love you gave to yourself and to others. You will also remind yourself of all the beautiful memories you made, the friendships you made along the way, the places you have been to, the books you have read, the journals you have written, the music you have played and danced along. It’s all about love because that’s what matters the most in life. To love and be loved. You won’t remember the bad times as much as the good times. Your happiness is the most important thing that you will be reminded of. Never ever forget that. You deserve all the good things in life.

It’s all about living a life according to your values and not impressing people you don’t even like. When I got bullied during high school I was always thinking that if I changed myself maybe then those bullies would like me and treat me differently. Thinking of this back I know now that it wasn’t okay to think that way as I don’t have to change myself for anybody. We are all different and that’s what makes us all beautiful. We aren’t here to impress people. We are here to help ourselves and others. We are here to heal ourselves. We are here to feel peace within ourselves. We are here to love each other no matter what. We are here to give hope to people who have lost it. We are here to live because life is for the living.

This song also inspired me to write this post. I love the music of Passenger. This song is called Life’s for the living.

“Don’t you cry for the lost
Smile for the living
Get what you need and give what you’re given
Life’s for the living so live it
Or you’re better off dead”

Thank you all for reading this blog post. I really liked writing it. I wrote it when I got a lot of inspiration. I always get inspired by looking up at the sky and seeing the shining stars in the sky. Did you too get inspired? What do you think of living a purposeful life? What do you think your purpose is in life? Let me know lovelies. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

Much love ๐Ÿ’•,

xoxo Christina