Sinterklaas haul yeahhh ๐ŸŽ‰๐ŸŽ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ’ž

Hola lovelies ๐Ÿ’•,

Today I will share with you all a nice Sinterklaas haul ๐ŸŽ. We celebrated Sinterklaas last Friday at my brother’s appartment with the family. It’s a typical Dutch celebration. I always am looking so forward to this celebration all year long ๐ŸŽ‰. The official day of the celebration is the 5th of December but we celebrated it on the 6th. They say that Sinterklaas is a saint which comes from Spain ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‡ธ in a boat. If you have been a good child you would get presents. If not, they would make pepernoten of you which are some Dutch sweets and you would be put into the zak van Sinterklaas which goes to Spain hahaha. Some people make surprises on this day, hide presents and make poems. Our family just buys presents for each one of us. I’m excited to share with you all the amazing stuff which I got this year.

A yoga mat!!! ๐Ÿง˜โ€โ™€๏ธ

Finally, I got a yoga mat ๐Ÿ™โœจ. I’m so happy with it. I really hope to use it much at home. I love to practise yoga with Adrienne on Youtube. I have to do it more. I only took some lessons in my life and I really want to go to some lessons when I have more money. The yoga mat is pink and from a real Yoga brand. I don’t know which one because my brother and his wife didn’t told me hahah. It was a nice surprise. It was put into a big box of Samsung and my brother wrote Samsung unstoppable as it’s that slogan. I really do love this yoga mat as it’s beautiful so I really need to get myself on the mat now. My biggest inspiration alive is Yoga Girl ๐Ÿ˜ and I love the Yoga Community. I hope to be able to go to one of her lessons and also go on a retreat in Aruba ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ผ one day. This is already the first step in making my dream come true. Now, I want to practise it more and become better in it. It could also help me with my back pain and it’s so good for your mental health too. It would make me feel more calm like meditation also does.

Flow magazines ๐Ÿ“š

In the box where the yoga mat was in there were also 5 Flow magazines. I love the Dutch and Belgian Flow magazine. It’s so creative and inspiring. I love the quotes and the stories written. You can find stories of mental health, how to live a simple life, tips to increase happiness and many other inspiring stories. It’s about letting life flow without any hurry and staying in the present moment. With the magazine also come free goodies such as a laptop sticker, notebook, quotes, little cards, stationery. I love that so much.

Flow tear-off calendar ๐Ÿ—“๏ธ

I love those kinds of calendars so much. I always have one in my room. This year I had one of The Bucketlist with quotes and things to do. This year I have again one from Flow ๐ŸŒธ. It isn’t only a magazine, they sell lots of stationery and other things too like this amazing calender. I love the quote on it “It is all about finding calm in the chaos”. This year it comes full of inspiring quotes, advice, photography, life lessons, insights, tips and pages about mental health, psychology and lifestyle. It’s great to begin the day with reading something inspiring โœจ.

Flow book for paper lovers ๐ŸŒธ๐Ÿ˜

THIS IS DEFINITELY ONE OF MY FAV PRESENTS EVAH!!! ๐Ÿ˜ This book from Flow is so amazing and really heaven for any stationery lover. It cointains beautiful writing paper, stickers, quotes, cards, posters and even wrapping paper for presents. I already have one at home but this is the seventh edition which contains much more beautiful and amazing stationery.

Christmas tree pen ๐ŸŽ„๐Ÿ–‹๏ธ

This is a beautiful Christmas tree pen I got. It even has some things on it like little bells haha ๐ŸŽ…. It’s really cute! Maybe it’s a bit difficult to write with it but it could be a nice decoration too.

Advent candle ๐Ÿ•ฏ๏ธ

I got a beautiful hearts advent candle. I love it so much. Anything with hearts is always a must have! I’m the queen of hearts and have loads of stuff in my room with hearts. Yes, I’m that romantic and sensitive girl. The only bad thing is that we use electronic candles at home because my parents are afraid to use real candles โœจ. I still hope to use this one one day hahah ๐Ÿ˜‚.

Chocolate advent calendar ๐Ÿ—“๏ธ๐Ÿซ

I love to have a chocolate advent calendar ๐Ÿ˜. I can’t begin December without one. I have now two because my daddy also got me one when I came back from Spain. That one is a bit messed up because the chocolates got messed up but well now I can eat even more chocolate every day. I have to be careful I don’t get sick of too much chocolate.

Chocolate heaven ๐Ÿซ๐Ÿซ๐Ÿซ

I got so much delicious chocolate. I love it so much. It’s typical to get letters of chocolate. I have got money out of chocolate, two chocolate letters with the letter C (one is with white chocolate with sea salt and the other one with milk), a white chocolate of Sinterklaas, spice nuts also called kruidnoten in The Netherlands with milk chocolate and white chocolats. I also got milk chocolate pralines in a beautiful package. Lastly but not least, I got a delicious marzipan with chocolate. I think I have enough chocolate now haha. Chocolate is just the best and a girl’s best friend โค๏ธ๐Ÿ‘Œ.

Pickwick Joy of tea – Green tropical ๐Ÿต๐Ÿ’ž

Of course, I got tea as I love to drink tea so much. I love to drink Yogi tea which always comes with a quote. I like to try different teas ๐Ÿ’–. This one is from Pickwick and it’s green tropical. It contains ginger, pineapple, coconut and lemon. I think this will be a delicious one.

Christmas socks ๐ŸŽ„

I love these Christmas socks from Primark so much. One pair is with a reindeer on it with little balls and the other one has Christmas balls and rings on it. I love them and I’m sure they are also very cozy.

A mug to paint ๐ŸŽจ

In Spain I have another mug that I still need to paint. Now, I got another mug to paint ๐Ÿ’–. This one is a beautiful swan ๐Ÿฆข. I love to be creative so this would be a nice thing to do as I’ve never done this before. When the painting is finished you have to let it dry in the microwave. I hope it doesn’t explode lol ๐Ÿ˜‚.

Squeeze animal ๐Ÿ˜

This is the squeeze animal I lost in Granada this Summer. I had it in my bed in the hotel but the cleaners threw it away without knowing. It made me really sad. I’m happy to have got the same one back. It’s so cute and it’s good to squeeze it when I’m stressed. It makes me feel more calm ๐Ÿ’œ.

Beauty products ๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿšฟ

I got a pink Batiste Dry Shampoo which is the one of Blush – floral and flirty haha. I love it but I also have to use it a bit less because otherwise my hair feels sometimes a bit dry. It’s good for my bangs as that easily gets oily which I don’t like. I also got a Vogue Girl Deodorant. I love the cats one ๐Ÿ˜ป. It smells so good.

Thank you all for reading this blog post. I hope you liked my Sinterklaas haul. Which present was your favourite of mine list? Did you love the stationery I got? What’s on your Christmas list this year? Let me know lovelies. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

Much love ๐Ÿ’•,

xoxo Christina

November favourites ๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿด

Hola lovelies ๐Ÿ’•,

I’m happy that my November month turned positive because in the middle of November I felt so depressed, low and anxious in Spain ๐Ÿ˜ข. I know it’s because I associate Spain now with going to the dentist which increase my anxiety. I just don’t want to feel those horrible feelings again as it makes me feel so bad. It’s just the worst. Sometimes I also think maybe the universe wants me to learn me something. I had a bad experience a few years ago with a dentist who said I was childish and was acting like a 15 years old because I was anxious and cried. This dentist in Spain is so lovely and nice so if I get all my wisdom teeth out there maybe that will cover the bad experience I had with that dentist in Holland and will feel less fearful in the future. The universe always give us situations to learn something from them ๐ŸŒŒ. I’m happy to share with you now my favourites of November which includes eating delicious tapas with my friends, shopping time in the Primark, stationery shopping and finishing writing Christmas cards ๐ŸŽ„.

Things I did with my family ๐Ÿ‘ช:

Tapas night with mamita ๐Ÿด

I enjoyed some delicious tapas with my mother ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜‹. This is a very funny story to be honest. We were in a famous bar in Valladolid to eat some croquetas. My mother heard some guys talking and she thought they were from another country. Suddenly they began to talk to us. One of them was from India and was working in a company in Chicago. The other man was Spanish and had his own company. They were both married. They invited us for some tapas, croquetas and a drink. My mother drank a glass of wine and I had mosto which is grape juice. Then they invited us to a second bar hahah my mother thought wow what?! It was nice to get all free food and drinks. In the second bar we ate some delicious jamรณn serrano. Then something uncomfortable happened for me. We talked about life and jobs and I said I was looking for a job. Then this Spanish man said he could offer me a job in the marketing sector in his own company. I laughed and didn’t say anything. He then said that I don’t have attitude and that isn’t good when you are looking for a job. Well, I’m not going to say anything about my anxiety and why I acted that way ๐Ÿ˜•. My mother asked for his contact details but that’s it. I don’t find it normal that a stranger says that to you. What do you think? I’m also always very careful and don’t trust people that easily. I’m not good in making choices too.

Dinner at Erchus ๐Ÿด

I had a delicious tortilla de patata with bread at Erchus. It’s not that far from us and cheap. My mother ate some delicious churros with chocolate โ˜•. This is typical Spanish and you often eat it during the cold Winter months. I love the chocolate but for a drink I prefer the hot chocolate even though this is the real chocolate drink.

Shopping time in Rio Shopping ๐Ÿ›’

One day we went to Rio Shopping in Valladolid. You have to take the bus to go there. I wasn’t feeling well in the bus twice. The second time was worse because I felt like I couldn’t breath. I know it’s anxiety but I guess it’s also because it’s always so hot everywhere which triggers my anxiety. I’m happy that afterwards we walked home from the city. I needed some fresh air. However, I enjoyed some shopping time in this big mall. I bought a nice book which is The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time in Fnac. I heard a lot of good things about this book ๐Ÿ“–. My daddy has that book at home in Dutch. I also went to Primark with my mother and bought some nice things such as fluffy purple socks, frozen socks which I love, stationery set of Harry Potter, black heart panties, and a necklace from Disney which says be yourself which is already broken now. Afterwards, we went to Ikea and enjoyed some delicious hotdogs with fries ๐ŸŸ. I also loved that we could drink as much as we want. I had some lemon drink.

Dinner at El Corte Inglรฉs ๐Ÿด

I had a delicious dinner with my mother in the big shop El Corte Inglรฉs ๐Ÿ˜‹. We always love to eat sandwich ham & cheese with potatoes. My mother drank some tea and I had an ice tea. I also bought a blue striped jeans in Bershka. It’s been some time since I bought some clothes. I also bought some Christmas stickers ๐ŸŽ…๐Ÿคถ at Tiger.

Watched the movie To all the boys I’ve loved before ๐Ÿ’˜๐ŸŽฌ

Finally I watched the movie To all the boys I’ve loved before with my mother at home. I want to also buy this book and read it. This movie is about Lara Jean who writes letters to all of her past loves, the letters are meant for her eyes only. Until one day when all the love letters are sent out to her previous loves. Her life is soon thrown into chaos when her foregoing loves confront her one by one. I loved this movie so much! ๐Ÿ˜ It’s a funny and romantic movie. I find the story very funny and the end is also so good. I wish I could have that happy ending too.

Buying stationery ๐Ÿ›๏ธโœ’๏ธ

I bought some amazing stationery with my mother at my favourite shop which is Action in The Netherlands. I bought some calligraphy rose gold pens, some nice stickers with dog and cats and quotes on it and a design paperpad deluxe with glitter which has 26 pages full of colours, quotes and unicorn print ๐Ÿฆ„. I also bought a mystery designpad with all pages covered of the universe, stars, astrology signs and beautiful purple and blue colours. Aaaah it’s so damn beautiful! ๐Ÿ˜โœจ๐ŸŒŒ I can use it to write quotes on it and sent that to my lovely pen pals.

Buying bath products and envelopes at Hema ๐Ÿ›€โค๏ธ

I bought some nice bath products ๐Ÿ›€ at the Hema. I bought hand cream with shea butter and eucalyptus oil and a glitter hair spray for Christmas ๐ŸŽ„โœจ I love to care about my body with great products. They smell so well and I love the design and colours. I also bought some set of envelopes, three with bubble paper and the other 20 are self adhesive which is very useful.

Inspiring talks on the airplane โœจโœˆ๏ธ

I had some good talks on the airplane this month. On the way to Spain I met a nice girl from Uruguay and the way back to Holland I met a guy from Spain. I had such a beautiful connection with him. It makes me sad that he doesn’t talk to me anymore but I’m happy that I had that conversations as sometimes you just need some good talks to get inspired and be more positive in life. We all need some positive words and some kindness. You can read about those talks in this post. I also met my lovely Spanish teacher at the airport in Madrid ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‡ธ.

Watching Junior Eurovision Song Contest 2019 ๐ŸŽถ

I watched Junior Eurovision Song Contest with my mother in The Netherlands. I always loved to watch it because it’s so cute to see kids singing. Spain returned after 13 years again. I’m so proud Melani got the third place with the beautiful song Marte which is about climate change and plastic waste in the ocean ๐ŸŒŠ. I wrote about her song in this post. The Netherlands got the fourth place with a dance song. I wished Spain would have won instead of Poland again. It was fun to watch.

Lovely things I did with my friends ๐Ÿ’–:

Tapas night with my lovely friends in Haarlem ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿด

๐‘ฐ ๐’ˆ๐’†๐’• ๐’ƒ๐’š ๐’˜๐’Š๐’•๐’‰ ๐’‚ ๐’๐’Š๐’•๐’•๐’๐’† ๐’‰๐’†๐’๐’‘ ๐’‡๐’“๐’๐’Ž ๐’Ž๐’š ๐’‡๐’“๐’Š๐’†๐’๐’…๐’” ๐Ÿ’ž

The tapas night with my friends was awesome as always. I ate with my lovely friends at @lacubanitahaarlem. This time we changed from restaurant as we always ate in El Pincho. I love both of these restaurants so much. The tapas were delicious, service was fast and they were friendly and it’s not that expensive ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿค—๐Ÿด I loved the albรณndigas with tomato sauce, sweet potatoes with curry, quesadillas, croquettes, tomatoes with mozarella and jamรณn serrano with melon. I also drank a virgen cocktail with coconut syrup and pineapple.

We ate so much all together as we could eat as much as we want because it’s a fixed price. As dessert my friends enjoyed a brownie, velvet cake ๐Ÿฐ and ice cream. I always eat the dame blanche which is vanilla ice cream with warm chocolate sauce and whipped cream ๐Ÿจ. I can never have enough of that as it’s my favourite dessert. We were the last ones in leaving the restaurant hahaha ๐Ÿ˜‚. Time flies when you are having fun. Afterwards, we went to see a bit of a live concert in cafรฉ Stiels.

Thank you so much for this lovely evening my friends ๐Ÿ’–. Whenever I’m with the people I love everything is fine. Thank you for always being there for me. I really needed to spend some time with my good friends as that’s also good for my mental health. It’s so important to be surrounded by people who actually care about you. Spanish vibes always ๐ŸŽ‰ I’m so blessed to have you all in my life. Real friends are the ones who are there for you in good and bad times. I’m happy I found my tribe haha. Friends who love food are the best friends you can ask for ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿด Friends forever ๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ‘ฌ๐Ÿ‘ญ๐Ÿ’ƒ We will see each other soon again. Love you all so much ๐Ÿ˜˜ xoxo

Pen pal letters ๐Ÿ’Œ

I got some lovely pen pal letters from pen pals in America. One was handwritten and the other one was typed. I love to receive mail so much as it always make me so happy. These two girls are from the Yoga Girl Community. I hope to meet them one day. I also get a nice letter from Jess. I loved the quotes and the lovely cactus stickers. It was all so cute ๐Ÿ’ž.

Finished writing Christmas cards ๐ŸŽ„

I wrote 32 Christmas cards for my family and friends all over the world. I’m sending 20 with the post. I always love to give and receive Christmas cards. It’s just such a nice tradition. I decorate them with washi tape, stickers and glitter. In some of them I also have a surprise which is a golden or silver star. I like to make them personal. I hope they will like them ๐Ÿ˜Š.

Thank you all for reading this blog post. I hope you all liked it. What was your favourite from my list? What did you enjoy in November? Do you also write Christmas cards? Let me know lovelies. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

Much love ๐Ÿ’•,

xoxo Christina




Music of October ๐ŸŽถ๐Ÿ’ž

Hey lovelies ๐Ÿ’•,

I know I’m a bit late with this post but doesn’t matter, right?! I’m always late for everything so yeah that’s me ๐Ÿ˜‚. It’s never too late to share some good music of the month October. Last month some good Spanish music and other pop music have been released ๐ŸŽถ.

Camila Cabello – Cry for me

Camila Cabello is only releasing so many good songs ๐Ÿ˜. I can’t wait for her new album “Romance”. I can’t wait for this beautiful album of songs related to love. I know I will like it as I have been loving all her new songs so much. I think this song is amazing and has such a nice beat.

Camila Cabello – Easy

Always thought I was hard to love till you made it seem so easy, seem so easy

What a beautiful song! ๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ‘Œ This is definitely one of my favs of Camila. I love her sweet voice and the lyrics is so relatable. I also find myself being needy and always overthinking. I think that I’m hard to love as well but it’s just that the right person will love you for who you are. Love has to be tender, easy and not complicated.

Harry Styles – Lights up

Harry Styles is back and I can’t also wait for his album too! This song is wonderful and he is so cute too. His voice is just amazing and only gets better and better. Also off topic, I really miss One Direction. I wish they will come back together one day.

Ed Sheeran ft. Camila Cabello & Cardi B – South of the border

This song was released already in Summer but the video not. I really like it. I also find Camila always so sweet and beautiful in the video. I love to hear her singing in Spanish too. This song has such a good vibe and makes me feel like dancing. It’s just very chill and relaxing.

Duncan Laurence – Love don’t hate it

“There are no boundaries, no limits when it comes to love. It’s the purest thing we have in this world and yet so many people, including myself, have to fight for it every single day”

BEAUTIFUL SONG FROM ONE OF MY FAV ARTISTS YASSSS!!! ๐Ÿ˜ If you don’t know who Duncan is you have been living under a cave haha because I wrote so much about him. You can read all about him HERE. Long story short, he represented The Netherlands in Eurovision Song Contest this year and won. I’m still so happy that happened and would love to see it live next year. I also have concert tickets to see Duncan alive in Ziggo Dome Amsterdam in March 2020. He is such a cutie and so handsome. He is touring now through Europe. After Arcade this is his new single. I love it so much. It’s so good. It makes me dance the night away and makes me so happy. His voice is perfect. The quote you can read above is from his Instagram. He is bisexual and sexuality is still a somehow taboo in this society. This is a song about accepting yourself and who you choose to love. I love him so much.

Alfred Garcรญa – Londres

Alfred Garcรญa already released this song before but finally the video clip came out of this song. Londres is a beautiful song about London and it’s one my favs from Alfred. It’s amazing. I love the vintage vibes โœจ. It also make me kinda nostalgic to when I saw the Spanish talent show because he wrote most of his songs of his album in the Academy. I would love to find someone to love like Alfred. I love his creativity, his passion for music and his sensibility. He has struggled with anxiety and depression and I love how open he always is about these topics because it’s so important to share. It can help yourself but also others too.

Melani – Marte (Representing Spain in Eurovision Junior Song Contest)

Melani is 12 years old and represented Spain in The Eurovision Junior Song Contest this year. She sings opera and also pop. It’s such a beautiful song with an important message. It’s about not throwing plastic in the ocean. It’s about climate change and to take care of our planet as we only have one ๐ŸŒ๐ŸŒŠ. Her voice is beautiful. Those high notes are incredible difficult to sing. She sings the song being the ocean itself.

In this video above you can watch Melani singing the song live at Junior Eurovision Song Contest in Poland last Sunday. She did so well and finally after 13 years Spain was back. I’m proud of her third place but I wished she won. I hope Spain will do well next year in the adult Eurovision too.

Melendi – Por encima de la bruma

Melendi is a well known Spanish artist and his songs always have such a beautiful message. I love this song as it’s also very emotional. It’s about women suffering from breath cancer. I wish everyone will get better as it’s a horrible sickness. Right now, I know a little child from 6 years old who is suffering from leucemia. I hope she will get better soon ๐Ÿ™. This song is about being brave and transforming fear into love. The money from this song are all donations for the Spanish association for cancer.

Selena Gomez – Lose you to love myself

“We’d always go into it blindly
I needed to lose you to find me
This dance, it was killing me softly
I needed to hate you to love me, yeah

I’m so happy Selena is back! ๐Ÿ’ž I have always loved her songs so much. This song is so beautiful and really made me tear up. It reminds me of my first love and how much that heartbreak hurt me. I needed to loose him to find myself again. Even though I’m still struggling from time to time with loving myself, low self esteem and also anxiety I love myself more than years ago. That’s already something to be proud of. Sometimes we have to lose someone we love so much to appreciate the love for ourselves more. At the end, our relationship with ourselves is the most important one we can have. This song is just perfect. She sings so beautifully. I love it. The black and white video fits perfect by this song.

Selena Gomez – Look at her now

“She knows she’ll find love (She knows)
Only if she wants it”

Selena is also releasing her new album in January. Everyone is releasing new albums and I’m not ready for it haha because that means YEAHHH buying concert tickets! I don’t have enough money for all of them. This is the other song she released and I love it. This song makes me feel proud to be a woman who is strong and fierce. All women are beautiful. Girl power!

JP Saxe ft. Julia Michaels – If the world was ending

This song is so beautiful. Anything with Julia Michaels is just perfect. Their voices together fit so perfectly. You can feel the emotion through their singing.

OG3NE – Straight to you

The sisters from the girl group OG3NE just released their new album. They represented The Netherlands a few years ago in Eurovision. They also have won The voice of Holland and Dance, Dance, Dance. I love their voices so much. The harmonies are beautiful. They lost their mother a few years ago because of cancer and I admire their strength to carry on and sing. They are such sweethearts and deserve the best. I wish to go to a concert once. I have already shared some songs of the album which were released before which were “First clash lovers” and “Starve”. Below I will share my three favourites of the whole album.

Og3ne – One world away

“We are stronger when we stand together
We are one world away from love
We gotta chance to make a difference
We got a chance to make it right

In this video they performed this song live. I love this song so much. I also love the lyrics so much. It’s definitely one of my favs. They sound so good together. This song makes me feel powerful and it’s just a feel good song.

Og3ne – You

Wow so beautiful. Their voices together are so magical. This song is wonderful. I could listen to it so many times and not get tired of it. I love this sound as it’s calming to listen to.

Og3ne – The end

Dear friend can you help me
Cause I got so much shit I canโ€™t comprehend
Iโ€™m on a cliff so high, staring at the depths so low
And I got no where else to go

Iโ€™m looking for a shelter
A place I can run to
So donโ€™t you leave me alone
Itโ€™s been a thousand times

Thatโ€™s Iโ€™ve been there too, for you
You never had to ask me though
So this is your turn now
To give whatever I need
Itโ€™s not the time to shut the door
Iโ€™m so afraid of what could be

They sang this song live during the Summer. I think this song is beautiful and I just had to share the lyrics. It’s so relatable, honest and so pure. It’s important that friends are there for each other when we need it the most. Sometimes I find myself that I care way too much about other people than they care about me so then it was time to ask myself if that was a real friendship. I’m happy I only have authentic and people who care about me in my life right now. I don’t need fake friends. They sang so beautifully. I love their individual voices but when they sing together it’s so amazing ๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿ‘.

Thank you all for reading this post full of amazing music ๐ŸŽต. What was your favourite song from my list? To which song or artist did you listen to in October? To which new album are you most looking forward to? Let me know lovelies. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

Much love ๐Ÿ’•,



xoxo Christina

We meet everyone for a reason โœจ

Hey lovelies ๐Ÿ’•,

Good news! โ˜บ๏ธ I feel somehow much better than some weeks ago were I really didn’t see the light at all and felt hopeless in life. It sounds pretty depressing but feeling anxious 24/7, feeling like you can’t breath, being nauseous all the time is really a hell. I hate anxiety so much ๐Ÿ˜ญ. It strange that I feel better now here I’m here in Holland because I’m always happier in Spain. To be honest, I never felt so low, depressed and anxious in Spain. I think because I associate it with going to the dentist which I didn’t do. I know it wasn’t a good idea to isolate myself for more than a week at home. In this blog post I will tell you about someone special I met on the airplane โœˆ๏ธ back to Holland from Spain. I will tell you also some other travel stories. Oh how I love travelling ๐ŸŒ. It’s the best and on those moments I can distract myself from my anxiety and meet people who really will change my life. I have to document these moments here on my blog because I’m afraid that otherwise I won’t remember them anymore. They are too precious to forget about them. In the moments that I felt so bad I even thought about not blogging anymore for a time but then I thought that would be a loss because that’s what I love to do the most. I have to keep doing the things I love to do or I would feel worse. Everything which brings me positivity is important to do ๐Ÿ’ซ.

So before I talk about the flight of a week ago back to Holland I want to talk about the flight I took in September. I was in Spain ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‡ธ during the whole Summer and my mother and I got back to Holland in September. There was this guy sitting next to my mother in the other row who looked very friendly. He was around 36 years old. We had such good talks. He talked about how I could maybe find a job in Holland in a Dutch company and from there find a job in Spain. He said that I didn’t have to be insecure. He was Spanish and was working and living in The Netherlands. He gave me so much inspiration and so much good vibes, just what I needed in that moment. He told me that he was bullied too at school just like me. He told me that I’m a smart girl which can speak three languages: Spanish, English and Dutch and also graduated my studies. I know he is right about that. It’s just that I always feel so insecure and have a low self esteem. I guess that’s because of anxiety too. I never know what to do when people compliment me or say that I’m pretty. I got his FB but now never spoke again to him. I really liked talking to him with my mother.

Then I went again to Spain a few weeks ago with my mother. I was sitting next to a girl from Uruguay. I also have her Instagram now, haha I hope people don’t think I’m desperate to meet new people. This is just me being myself. My mother is also social as I’m. I’m not that girl who loves to isolate herself. It’s what my mental illness does to me. We talked a lot about the world, her country and my countries. We had such a nice talk. I always love to talk to people from different countries as we can learn so much from them.

So a week ago, we travelled back from Spain to Holland. I’ve never been that anxious to travel even though I’m always scared of flying. It’s just because I have felt so low all this time. I took valium many nights to sleep and also a bit for flying. I was just so afraid of having a panic attack and of course that didn’t happen. Most things we fear don’t happen, it’s just our minds which are playing tricks with us. Before we were at the airport we met a lovely woman at the train station. She talked about the political situation in Spain and said she is a journalist. She even gave her number to us and said that whenever we are in Madrid again we can drink something with her. Things like this always remind me of how many good people there are in this world โค๏ธ๐ŸŒ.

Later at the airport my mother saw a man who she knew from when she was working as a stewardess in a Spanish airline. He was working in the cafe we ordered a salad. What another beautiful coincidence was that I met my lovely Spanish teachers at the gate where I was waiting with my mother to fly to Holland. They came back in the same airplane and were just about to go to a conference. I didn’t see them anymore since I graduated my studies European Studies. I love them all so much ๐Ÿ’ž. I really miss that feeling of being a student in my life right now because I feel lost now in the big world. I told them something about being anxious and they told me that I’m a smart girl and that every little step is a step forward. I could also keep networking. I know finding a job in Spain is more difficult than in Holland as there’s more unemployment in Spain and for jobs in the public sector you need to pass a difficult exam which can take years. They still remembered how I spoke at the United Nations and did my internship at the University of Valladolid. We took a selfie and they would show it to another teacher which I also love so much.

Now comes the most important story I wanted to tell from the first place. I hope I didn’t ramble way too much haha ๐Ÿ˜‚. A week ago was the best flight I have ever had in my life because of someone special I met. You all know I’m a romantic and highly sensitive girl. I make up so many stories in my mind which is how I imagine the world to be, that rainbow coloured world where people are happy, flowers blossom and the sun is always shining ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ’๐ŸŒž๐ŸŒˆ. That is the world which only exists in movies, books or in my mind. It’s pretty curious because maybe a week before I already dreamt of meeting a boy sitting next to me in the airplane. So I was already nervious thinking who is going to sit next to me at the window seat when a guy was going to sit next to me. We immediately begin to talk with no end. My mother also talked to him and find him very friendly and open.

It was one the most intense, beautiful, honest and inspiring talks I’ve ever had in my life โœจ. I have had some really good talks in my life with people I love but with a stranger who you just met in the airplane not. This guy was so lovely, so cute and just so amazing ๐Ÿ˜. Can you fall in love at first sight? ๐Ÿ’˜ I know I’m always so intense and have to be careful to not get my heart broken again but this connection we had in those few hours was so strong. We looked at each other many times. He listened carefully to what I had to say and me too. We talked about our lifes. He smiled a lot. We laughed a lot and made jokes. It’s in times that I haven’t felt such a strong connection with someone. He is an artist, 33 years old and works and study in the film industry ๐ŸŽฌ. He has to travel a lot and goes to film events to present his documentaries. I find all of that so interesting. I love creative people with an open mind.

He loved my bracelets and touched them. We talked about our exes and everything. I’m always so open and sometimes that can be bad but I guess this day it was okay because he was also so open about everything, political view, his life and values. The way he looked at me made me nervous as I really felt such a strong attraction. It’s been so long that I didn’t have felt that. What I also loved about this guy is that he was honest and seemed sensitive. He also reminded me of a friend of me in Spain. He made me feel so calm and so peaceful. When I told him about how my ex wanted that I had to wear high heels because that would make me confident as he said, he said that it was wrong to change someone. He is so right because for me wearing high heels makes me feel unconfident.

Then we also talked about where he came from which is Basque country. I have my Spanish family living there too. We both had long distance relationships. Everything was such a coincidence and we seemed so similar as I’m also creative. He told me about that he also enjoyed surfing and swimming in the ocean. What I loved the most about our talk was when we began to talk about spirituality. I’m so in to that and not all my friends are. Since I’m reading the book “To love and let go” from Yoga Girl, I’m even more into that. I don’t think I believe in all things but I love astrology, the law of attraction and I believe the universe gives us what we want at the moment we need it ๐Ÿ™. He was talking about Ayahuasca ceremony. I don’t think I would ever try it as I think it would be dangerous for a person suffering from a mental illness. He told me I could do that but I didn’t told him all about my anxiety. It’s a kind of tea you drink where you go through a spiritual journey. You feel like you are going to die and then at the end you find the light again. I also read that in the book of Yoga Girl. It sounds very intense and it would make me so anxious to be honest.

This guy also told me that he did a tarrot reading. I always was very skeptical of it but somehow I feel like I could believe in it a bit. He told me he was an Emperor and that means that he likes to make feel people safe and make his dreams come true. I told him that once I was told to be a Mediator or helper and he said that fits me well. He is also an aquarius โ™’ as zodiac sign and I’m geminis and I know that those zodiac signs are compatible. A friend of him also told him that he could get along well with geminis โ™Š. I really like to believe in that.

I just felt so in the moment during this beautiful talk. I wish the flight would never have ended. I always get attached so much to people. I have his number and wrote him a message that it was nice to meet him and sent him some pictures we made. I really do hope we will meet each other again as he lives in Amsterdam until next Summer. He gave me a kiss on the cheek which is a normal Spanish way of greeting and also a hug. I never felt such a strong connection with someone. I do believe we meet all the people in life for a reason. They will teach us something. He texted me back a few days later and said he loved to have met me in the airplane too. He said seldom you find such honest and genuine people like me. He is thankful to have met me and also thanks me for the pictures I sent him. I also sent him a text back a few days later and told him the same. I also said that if he ever wants to meet up he can say that to me. The thing is, I also don’t want to be needy or obsessive as I can be really intense. I learned that from being in a relationship with my first love and other crushes. I do believe that whatever will be, will be. We don’t have to force anything. Anything which is meant to come into your life will come without forcing situations.

This universe is beautiful ๐ŸŒŒโœจ. This life is beautiful. I’m just so thankful for these special moments as they come in the moments I most need them. It’s like the universe is saying to me that my story isn’t over yet and that I can be happy and that good things will come my way. I really also know that I don’t have to get my hopes up but I just feel this fuzzy and warm feeling in my heart. I’m so thankful for everything. Thank you life for the hard and beautiful lessons. It reminds me that we are all here for a reason. I need to believe more in the universe and let it unfold itself. Stop controlling. Letting life flow. I just feel my heart full of gold right now ๐ŸŒŸ.

“I believe in the good things coming ๐Ÿ’•”

Thank you all for reading this inspiring and long post. I felt very inspired to write this. What do you think of all of this? Do you believe we meet people for a reason? Are you a spiritual person? Do you believe in love at first sight? Let me know lovelies. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

Much love ๐Ÿ’•,

xoxo Christina

Struggling so much with my mental health ๐Ÿ˜ข

Hey lovelies ๐Ÿ’•,

I’m always honest and 100% vulnerable about my journey of mental health especially on my blog like I said in this blog post. In real life it’s much more difficult to be open about it because I still feel not everyone understands it. There is still a taboo surrounding mental health. People are getting more open but it will still take a lot of time for people to understand that we can get physically but also mentally ill and that there’s no shame to admit that we are struggling. It takes a lot of courage to be open so that’s what I’m going to do right now in this post. I will tell you how I’m feeling because letting these words out make me at least feel less alone. Even writing all of this takes me too much effort ๐Ÿ˜ข.

So, to be honest I’m struggling a lot right now. I feel so hopeless. I’m not okay. I can’t see any point of living anymore in life. I feel like I’m getting depressed. I’m not in danger because I know I never would do something to harm me. I’m just exhausted to go through life while feeling anxious for everything I have to face all the time. I feel like I can’t deal with it anymore. I know maybe asking for help would help. I just don’t know if therapy would really help me because I keep thinking of the time I had some form of therapy, 7 sessions and had to vomit every time and my anxiety even got worse…. I still have anti anxiety medication at home from when I got it subscribed by the doctor in Spain. My mother uses diazepam which she also sometimes can give me when I feel really bad. I know the medication benzodiazepines can be addictive but when you use it whenever you need it I guess it’s okay. I mean why are people always saying those bad and negative stuff about using medication for a mental illness when there are people taking medication for their physical health every day? There has to be no difference in this.

I know I’m doing bad because I don’t leave the house often. I can’t sleep good at night and my routine is a mess. I get anxious outside sometimes seeing so much people. Last week I went to a shopping mall and I got anxious in the bus twice. It felt like I couldn’t breath. I was happy to go outside the bus and walk home with my mother. I’m just always so afraid to get a panic attack because it’s the worst. I don’t want to go through that again. The thing is that the more I worry about that, the more it will likely to happen I think. I’m just so anxious about going to the dentist. I think that’s also now the underlying reason of all my anxiety. I keep postponing it when I have an appointment next month in Spain. I’m the most afraid to loose control and to experience a panic attack. I’m so done with experiencing the waves of anxiety. I’m still struggling with finding a job too as I don’t know how to face people and get only rejections. I just want to hide in my bed under a blanket forever. Unfortunately, I know that can’t happen but I still do it most of the time.

I really don’t know what to do to move forward in my life. I lost my hope and will to live. I’m not in crisis and I know I won’t do anything to harm myself. I just don’t know how to come out of this black hole I’m in. Anxiety keeps me from doing the things I love which means following my dreams. My whole existence cause me anxiety. Sometimes I experience anxiety for no reason. I could sit on a chair watching tv and feel that knot in my stomach and that sense of fear. It’s so hard to live your life that way. People sometimes ask me what gives me anxiety and the answer to that question is everything, this life. Sometimes I think anxiety is part of me but I have to know that I have it and that it’s not part of my personality but sometimes it feels that way.

Last night I experienced one of the worst moments of suffering from anxiety. I felt nauseous and was afraid to throw up. That always cause me even more anxiety because I keep thinking no don’t throw up. I had cold and hot flashes. I felt so bad, so bad. I deactivated FB again as social media only give me more anxiety right now and can’t deal with it. I wrote a message on FB of how I was doing and got some nice caring comments from people I care about but my heart was beating so fast then because I’m afraid to open up to people who know me. Here on this blog it’s different. At the end, I slept in my mother’s bed because there I feel more safe with her. I also took valium 4mg which she also takes. It helpt me feeling more calm and be able to sleep. I could finally sleep 11 hours. I just don’t know how to travel back to Holland in a few days in this state. I’m so afraid to get a panic attack or feel this way because it feels like I’m dying. Of course, I know it isn’t true but it’s just the worst thought. My mother already said how powerful our minds are. It’s so scary to be honest ๐Ÿ˜ข. I wish to buy new funcional brains. If someone knows where to buy them, I will buy them in a quick second even if they have to come from Ebay China lol ๐Ÿ˜‚

I’m also a highly sensitive person who suffer from anxiety. It gets harder because I’m already so sensitive for everything. I suffer and cry more but I also love more. I can cry about everything. I get hurt easily when someone says a mean comment. I overthink a lot. I also empathize much more to other people, care about others and love deeper. I’m compassionate and creative. There are a lot of good things I also am but right now I focus too much on the negative things like I can’t do anything right in life.

Yesterday I listened to a podcast of Yoga Girl which was very inspiring and interesting. It was about how this world always value a person when we produce something. If you are working and producing to society you are worthy of love. It feels like we have to be worthy and to be seen when we are succeeding. There is so much wrong in that. I really do wish I could live a life I’m happy of and work in a job which I love but honestly right now I can’t because I’m sick. Capitalism is just so bad. We have to know that we are always worthy of love and that we aren’t alone. We are not what we produce. What matters is not what I do but who I’m. Those words of Yoga Girl sticked in my head and it relates well to this blog post. We are so much more than our jobs, the things we do in life. We are a person with feelings. We are human and we deserve all the love. We are not less than someone else just because we aren’t studying/working because we are physically, mentally or chronically ill. It’s not our fault.

I really wish to get better one day as it’s so exhausting to go through life while feeling anxious all the time. Recovery isn’t lineal and takes a lot of time. I just really don’t like to feel nauseous, dizzy, feeling like I can’t breath or feeling like I have no control over my body and mind. I also believe from what I said earlier that it’s okay to take a break from life. It’s okay to not study/work when you are ill. You deserve to take a rest. Nowadays it seems like being busy is the most important thing in life because of capitalism. It’s all about buying and doing when we just forget to live, to be still and present with our feelings and thoughts.

Always remember, we aren’t alone. We are all in this together. No matter how though life gets we will get through the other end. We will see the light after all the darkness. One step at a time.

Thank you all for reading this honest post about how I’m doing right now ๐Ÿ˜ข. It took me a lot of courage to write this post. What would you advice me to do? What do you do in hard times? How are you feeling right now? I’m always here for you all. Let me know lovelies. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

I love you all so much ๐Ÿ’ž,

xoxo Christina

October favourites ๐Ÿ

Hola lovelies ๐Ÿ’•,

It’s already time for October favourites. This year is almost over. It always scares me how fast time is going because I always feel like I’m not living the life I want. It makes me anxious. I’m glad that at least I enjoyed some nice things in October such as going to the swimming pool with my brother, mother and lovely niece, having fun with my best friend, buying Christmas cards and receiving the book “To love and let go” ๐Ÿ’—.

Things I did with my family ๐Ÿ‘ช:

Going to the swimming pool ๐ŸŠ

I went to the swimming pool with my brother, mother and my little niece who’s right now 4 years old ๐Ÿ‘ง. I have always loved this swimming pool so much. I love the slide which is 60m. It has a side where you can go a bit outside. There are also jacuzzis and there’s another big swimming pool. Swimming is just the best thing ever ๐ŸŠ It always makes me feel so relaxed, inspired and happy afterwards. I want to go more often. Doing sports is so good for our physical and mental health. I went down the slide with my niece alone and we had loads of fun.

I even made a friend after swimming which was a girl from Syria ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡พ. I love to meet people from other countries, religions or nationalities. I believe that the diversity of the world is what makes this world a beautiful place to live in ๐ŸŒ. Hearing her talk made me emotional. I also talked about the war which is going on there. I find it hard to talk about it because I can definitely feel how hard it must be to leave your country and live in another one where you don’t speak the language. In two years she learned Dutch, has her driving license, just got her swimming diploma and is studying. This made me feel bad too because sometimes I take too many things for granted in life such as my home, my freedom, food, water and all the things we have and so many others in this world don’t have.

Having delicious fondue with the family ๐Ÿฝ๏ธ

I had a delicious night of fondue with my brother, his wife and my parents the weekend before me and my mother were off to Spain. We ate delicious food such as potatoes with different sauces and vanilla ice cream with fruits ๐Ÿ˜‹. It’s always a tradition to have fondue like you can read in my posts.

Buying Sinterklaas presents ๐ŸŽ

I bought presents for the feast Sinterklaas which we celebrate the 6th of December with my family. The official date of this feast is the 5th of December. It’s a celebration like Santa Claus ๐ŸŽ‰. They say he comes from Spain to deliver presents. I wanted to buy almost all presents because I will spend most of November in Spain. Some Dutch families make surprises but we just buy presents for each other. I love to give and receive presents! I already wrapped all presents too.

Making a wish list for Sinterklaas ๐Ÿ“ƒ

I love to make lists and especially wish lists haha ๐Ÿ’–. I always make them for Sinterklaas, Christmas, The Three Kings Day and my birthday. I just update them every now and then. This year I ask for loads of nice books such as from Holly Bourne, of course nice stationery, yogi tea, book paper lovers from Flow and the calendar from Flow. Flow is such a nice Dutch magazine which makes loads of amazing and creative stuff. I also always want an advent calendar. I love to eat a chocolate ๐Ÿซ a day until Christmas.

Autumn in the park ๐Ÿ๐Ÿ‚๐Ÿƒ

I enjoyed a nice walk in the park with my mother. I’m a Summer girl but I love the beautiful leaves in Autumn. The park was beautiful and we made some nice pictures. Afterwards, we went to the restaurant in the park and drank a delicious mint tea ๐Ÿต with some cookies ๐Ÿช.

Trip to Spain โœˆ๏ธ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‡ธ

I’m in Spain right now since a week. I’m always happy to be in Spain but I also know that my body stays with me wherever I go so I have anxiety also wherever I go. I used to think that if I travel somewhere else, I would feel better. There’s some sunshine here which makes life a bit better. I’m also happy to see my friends in Spain, eat delicious food and have fun. I also know that I still have to go to the dentist which makes me so anxious but I hope to overcome this fear soon. To be honest, I’m struggling a lot with anxiety now ๐Ÿ˜ข.

Buying Christmas cards ๐ŸŽ„๐ŸŽ…

I already bought Christmas stuff such as washi tape, a silver and golden pen, stickers and Christmas cards because I want to begin writing Christmas cards in Spain. Maybe I’m also sending them from Spain. It’s better to do it earlier because otherwise I get stressed as December is always a busy month. It’s better to have it done already because this year I will write 30 cards, every year less than the year before because not everyone writes me back. I love to write them but the fun is also to get a card back ๐Ÿ’Œ.

Buying new stationery and bath products ๐Ÿ›€

When I went one day to the shopping mall near to my house with my mamita I bought loads of nice stationery. I bought a set of 20 cards with different designs. I love the blue, pink and purple colours and the quotes on it ๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’œ. I also bought new washi tapes. I bought loads of bath products too which includes a blue mermaid bath bomb and bath salt with mixed flower petals and grapefruit scent. For the trip to Spain I bought nail polish remover pads ๐Ÿ’…, coconut body cream which I love so much as it smells so good, my favourite dry shampoo Batiste cherry and eye make-up remover oil pads from the Hema.

Things I did with my lovely friends ๐Ÿ’–:

Eating delicious food with my bestie ๐Ÿฝ๏ธ๐Ÿ’—

๐‘ฌ๐’—๐’†๐’“๐’š ๐’ƒ๐’๐’๐’๐’…๐’Š๐’† ๐’๐’†๐’†๐’…๐’” ๐’‚ ๐’ƒ๐’“๐’๐’˜๐’๐’Š๐’† ๐’ƒ๐’š ๐’‰๐’†๐’“ ๐’”๐’Š๐’…๐’† ๐Ÿ’—

I’m so happy I saw my bestie again after 4 months twice. It’s always good to see my best friend ๐Ÿ˜ I loved eating at Bagels and Beans as it’s one of my fav places. I had such a delicious bagel with avocado, salad, tomato, cheese and drank a mint tea. It doesn’t matter how long we don’t see each other because our friendship never changes. You know when the friendship is real, deep and honest when everything stays the same when you see each other again after a long time. I’m so so so thankful to have you in my life. I will be always there for you. Even writing this makes me emotional. We are both a highly sensitive person forever haha ๐Ÿ’— Thank you for guiding me through life. Thank you for being the light ๐Ÿ’ก in the dark times. Thank you for being my best friend who is always there for me when I need it. Thank you for our real talks about politics, mental health, feminism, life, death, music, books, and just anything.

We all need a little help from our friends and it’s just so true. Being surrounded by good people make you feel less alone in your struggles. The moment I share something and I hear you or another loved one say me too I feel a bit better. We are never alone. We are all walking this life together. As long as I have you by my side I will be okay. 11 year friends. Forever besties. I love you so much, to infinity and beyond, to the moon and back ๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’–๐ŸŒœ๐ŸŒ›๐ŸŒ๐ŸŒ•

The second time we saw each other we went to La Place in the shop Hudson Bay which is a restaurant where you can see whole Haarlem. We ate a delicious tomato soup ๐Ÿœ with some cheese. We had some good talks, laughed a lot and afterwards we did some shopping. I bought some nice cards with quotes and some stickers. I’m going to miss this shop when it’s going away only for the stationery hahah. We also went to see her brother, his wife and parents because they were celebrating her brother’s birthday ๐ŸŽ‚๐ŸŽ‰. I loved to see them all as I’m just one of the family. It’s nice to feel so connected and so loved.

Receiving beautiful pen pal letters ๐Ÿ–‹๏ธ

I received some beautiful mail from my lovely pen pals. I received beautiful mail from Sophia which inluded some awesome unicorn writing paper and envelopes. I also loved your notes and stickers. The letter from Mollie was also amazing. I loved the goodies especially the whale card and the sticky notes. Thank you Vikki for your amazing mail too. I loved the friendship card, the other cards with quotes, the unicorn key ring and the feather sticky notes. I love all my pen pals so much. Writing is healing and makes me so happy ๐Ÿ˜.

Other amazing things of October ๐Ÿ:

Receiving the book “To love and let go” by Rachel Brathen ๐Ÿ“–๐Ÿ’ž

I finally received the book “To love and let go” by Yoga Girl. She’s my biggest inspiration in life ๐Ÿ˜. I also wrote about her and her book in this post. I’m in the middle of this book and I already cried so much. It’s so heartbreaking, so beautiful and so real. In this book she wrote about how she lost her best friend, the divorce she suffered from her parents and the suicide attempts from her mother. She writes about loss, gratitude and love. This book is one of my favourite books ever now. I can’t wait to meet Rachel one day and go on a yoga retreat. Thank you so much for being the light in this sometimes dark world ๐Ÿ™๐ŸŒโœจ. We need it. I’m so thankful for the Yoga Girl community where I met so many amazing people which I also hope to meet soon. It’s so important to hold space for others to feel our feelings. That’s exactly what this book is about. Feel our feelings, the good and the bad. Go through the dark times in life and eventually you will find the light.

Blas Cantรณ is going to represent Spain for Eurovision Song Contest 2020 ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‡ธ๐ŸŽ™๏ธ

I was very happy to hear that Blas Cantรณ is going to represent Spain in Eurovision in Rotterdam, The Netherlands next year. I hope to be able to see it live because it cost a lot of money but it’s been 44 years that Eurovision comes to The Netherlands. It’s a one in a lifetime experience ๐Ÿ‡ณ๐Ÿ‡ฑ. It would be great to see Spain winning in The Netherlands haha. Blas Cantรณ is a very popular singer here and famous for his song “ร‰l no soy no”. His voice is beautiful and I’m sure he will do really good in Eurovision.

Thank you all for reading this blog post. I hope you all liked it. What kinds of fun things did you do in October? What are your favourites from my post? Did you like the new stationery I bought? Let me know lovelies. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

Much love ๐Ÿ’•,

xoxo Christina

Being vulnerable and honest is what matters most in life ๐Ÿ’–โœจ

Hey lovelies ๐Ÿ’•,

Today I’m going to talk about my feelings and thoughts about being real and vulnerable. I will also show you that crying is okay and that it’s okay to feel all our feelings, the bad and the positive ones. It takes a lot of courage to be myself in a world where you are constantly being judged for being yourself. At the end, what’s most important in life is to be real with ourselves and with others. Only then we can have great relationships in our lives ๐Ÿ’–.

I’m always 100% myself on here, on my IG for my blog or in the communities such as the Yoga Girl Community I’m in. Being myself means sharing the good and bad in life. It’s about being raw, vulnerable and sensitive. Nowadays we live in a world where it’s better to hide our emotions and fake it until we make it. I’m so not into that. I’m loosing friends every year and thinking of that now, I’m happy about it. If people don’t align with me, respect me and care about me, why would I want to be friends with that person? Why invest so much time in people who aren’t worth our time? Our time is precious in life so better invest that in people who give you good vibes, love you for being yourself and who really care about you.

This is also a reason why I deactivated my Facebook account since a few days. I feel like social media does more wrong than good. I compare my life to others way too much. Then I begin to feel even more anxious. It’s also not good for my mental health. Maybe, I will activate it again one day. I just think I have to spend less time there because I don’t like all the fake people I see. There are even people I follow on social media who used to be friends with me and are showing their perfect lives which involves their travels, jobs and family life. I just can’t stand it. I’m not a person who’s jealous of that but it just makes me feel bad about myself. It always feels like the grass is greener on the other side. It’s like I don’t have my life together and seeing all those posts only increase my feeling of anxiety. I hope you all understand what I’m trying try to say.

People are just so fake in general. I know it isn’t attractive to see someone crying on a picture or reading about the though stuff in life like loosing someone we love, someone getting sick or any other tragic news. It’s just really necessary to show also the bad stuff in life because only then we can connect with others in a real way and feel less alone in our struggles. Of course, I don’t mean to only write about negative stuff and watch all the negative news which we are constantly being drowned by. I just mean that it’s important being real about our feelings and thoughts in life. I really can see how I and all the othee people struggling with their mental health or anything else in life can feel worse when people don’t talk about their struggles and only show the good in life. It makes us feel even more isolated.

Whenever I see those perfect feeds online I also feel like I don’t try hard enough in life to reach my goals. I feel like people don’t show often how hard it was to accomplish something in their life like getting that job you dreamt of, achieving other things in life such as finishing college or high school. Why do we not show more the journey to reach a certain goal? I think that could let us know that everything we want in life doesn’t come easy and that doing our best is more than enough. It will inspire us instead of making ourselves feel bad. I’m still applying for jobs in Spain and get a lot of rejections. It makes me feel demotivated. I feel like I won’t ever get a job I love because anxiety gets in the way. Today I applied again for a job to work online from home in Spain. I hope I will hear one day something positive about it ๐Ÿคž๐Ÿ€ I definitely know that it would make us feel better if we see how hard it is to reach things in life. Nobody talks about how hard it is to find a job when you are mentally ill. That makes me only feel more shameful when I didn’t choose to suffer from anxiety on the first place.

I also still struggle with going to the dentist to get my wisdom teeth pulled out. I need to do it one by one but I just feel exhausted by the thought of it. Anxiety makes me feel so exhausted in life ๐Ÿ˜”. I feel exhausted to through to those waves of anxiety again so I don’t do anything about it which also isn’t okay. Maybe, I need to ask for help but I also still don’t know if therapy would help or I’m just fooling myself and telling myself that story. Maybe, I’m just anxious about going through all of that and I think I deserve no help or healing. In the midst of all of this, I wanted to apply for a singing casting for a talent show in Spain. I don’t think I’m doing it because it cost me money to go to Madrid. However, maybe I will apply for another singing casting here in Valladolid ๐ŸŽถ๐ŸŽค. This also makes me anxious but I also love to sing. It’s one of my biggest passions in life. You have to send some voice notes and if you pass, you will have a real life audition. This audition is to be able to sing in a women’s choir. I miss singing in a choir. I sang 11 years in a choir in The Netherlands. The only thing is that I’m not living in Spain right now so maybe it doesn’t make sense to apply. If I would get a job I could stay here.

What I also wanted to say is that anxiety is a real illness as well as other mental illnesses or invisible illnesses. With these pictures below I want to show you all how it looks like to suffer from anxiety. It takes a lot of courage for me to show you this side but I feel the need to be real in the most vulnerable way. It’s okay to cry and not be okay. There has to be no shame of that. You can see me smiling on the first picture. I was happy that day but there could be also times when I’m smiling but feel anxious. On the second picture I was crying and feeling anxious which was last weekend because I feel again pressure to get a job I don’t want because of my family. At the end, we have to decide what’s best for us. Anyone can give us an advice but only we know what our heart wants.

You see that you can never judge someone just based on how they look like. Someone can be smiling but feeling bad. We don’t know the struggles someone is facing so we always have to be kind. Someone can hide a lot behind a smile. Mental illnesses and other invisible illnesses are real. Just because you don’t see it, doesn’t mean it isn’t true. I wish people would understand that better or at least try to show some empathy and compassion. That’s what I need, you need and the whole world needs right now. We need to able to feel our feelings, show them and then eventually we can let them go. I’m blessed to have my family, friends both online and in real life who care about me. I’m so blessed to have you in my life. Thank you, thank you, thank you. You all mean the world to me ๐Ÿ’ž๐Ÿ™

You are not alone.
You are so loved.
You are allowed to feel your feelings.
You are allowed to cry.
You are allowed to be angry.
You are allowed to take up space in this universe.

You don’t have to do this alone. If we all look after each other we could definitely make this a better world to live in. We would feel less alone in our struggles, pain and though times in life. Let’s walk this journey together, step by side, side to side. We are all in this together.

Thank you all for reading this blog post. I love to be real always. Do you find it hard to be real about your feelings in this fake world? How does social media make you feel? Any advice of the things I shared related to anxiety, the singing castings or the search for a job? Let me know lovelies. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

Love you all so much ๐Ÿ’•,

xoxo Christina

Right in this moment all is well

Hola lovelies ๐Ÿ’•,

Today I want to talk about what I have expierencing these last days together with some realizations I have got. It’s about sharing my deepest thoughts and feelings with you as I have always done and always will do until the day I die. I hope this post will not turn into a depressive post but just so you know it before I begin to talk.

Last Friday I began to read the book of Yoga Girl called “To love and let go”. I will not tell you a lot about it because I really want to do one post about it when I have finished it. It just deserves a post on its own. It’s the most spiritual, healing and just best book I haver ever read ๐Ÿ’—โœจ. It feels like my Bible ๐Ÿ“–. I’m at page 74 and it has more than 300 pages so I’m happy there is still so much more to read. I have always said that The fault in our stars is my favourite book but this book is a memoir, based on a real life story and I feel like this is my next favourite book. Yoga Girl also called Rachel Brathen is an international yoga teacher with her own yoga studio called Island Yoga in Aruba. She lives there with her hushband and daughter. Her story is about loss, love and gratitude. She lost her best friend in a car accident and right in that moment she had to go through surgery for her appendix in Bonaire. It’s a heart breaking story ๐Ÿ’”๐Ÿ˜ข.

Every chapter is amazing, just so beautiful, just out of the world ๐Ÿ˜. In one chapter she is writing about how in this exact moment all is well and that anxiety and fear dissapears when we think of the present. There’s this book called “The power of now” which also talks about this. I want to read it one day. I think about this a lot as I have been sleeping so bad these last nights. I thought maybe it’s because of reading this book as it’s so beautiful but also heavy. I think way too much and then get anxious of having so many thoughts in my mind ๐Ÿ˜ข. I wish I could turn them all off and be like it’s enough now and stop it. Anxiety doesn’t work that way. It’s so hard to be present when your mind is constantly in war with you. I also think social media plays a role in this too so these last days I have been using it less. I like it but it also increase my anxiety and makes me feel bad about myself. Blogging and being in communities is so much better. I can’t deal with fake people anymore. I want real connections where I can talk about real life stuff such as deep conversations about death, the universe, our dreams and struggles. Social media feels so fake. I want to learn new things and get inspired instead of getting impressed of people with their fake happiness in life.

Also I think a lot about life and death lately. I have always thought about it and now I think even more about it. I already wrote about my fear of death in this post. I have always been afraid of death โ˜ ๏ธ but also of life because my whole life I live out of fear instead of love. That’s my problem. Sometimes I’m afraid to sleep because of not waking up the next morning. Then I get panic at night and keep waking up. I just fear that everything will stop one day, that everyone I love will die one day and that all of this will stop existing one day. It’s a scary thought ๐Ÿ˜ข. I fear dying but what I fear most is just the thought of being death. I hope I’m not sounding strange but when I shared it in the community of Yoga Girl on Facebook I was happy that I wasn’t alone in this. There are more people afraid of this. It makes me feel good that I’m not the only one thinking about this.

I talk about this with some of my friends or my parents. My daddy said why would you worry about it when you are death because you wouldn’t know it and he also said that before we were born we were also not here. Life is strange. I agree with him but it just still feels strange. I’m just always thinking about the past which includes being bullied, having my heart broken and all the negative stuff and then when that’s done I began to worry and think about the future and so I’m constant in fear and anxiety anticipating the worst things in life. I know we all will die one day and that death is part of life. I just have to find a way in living a life where I can be happy and at peace with my mind. I hope that we can all find that one day as we deserve it โœจ

That’s also the reason why I don’t know if I will ever try therapy because I don’t know if it would help me as I have to move on from the past. I know I have to let it all out but I also have to let it go and not dwell in the past which only increase my anxiety. I also want to take yoga lessons ๐Ÿง˜โ€โ™€๏ธ in a class one day. From reading this book I’m learning that right now all is well. I do meditation sometimes with Yoga Girl’s podcasts which is amazing. I’m getting better with it than before. Sometimes I cry while meditating as I’m releasing my emotions. Children are always living in the present moment. I’m thinking about when we as adults stopped doing that. When did that happen? It’s sad because then everything makes sense. It’s normal to feel anxious when we are constantly thinking about the past or future. If we would think more often of the present, right now, how would we feel? I definitely would feel more at peace and less anxious. All is well. That’s going to be my mantra from now on. I know it’s difficult because anxiety often gets in the way but at least I can try.

Today was a good day too because I slept well last night and it was great weather. The sun was even shining a bit ๐ŸŒž. I got beautiful pen pal mail and Christmas presents from my friends in UK. Selena Gomez and Duncan Laurence released a new song which I loved ๐ŸŽถ. I still didn’t get my period which for one reason is good but I also don’t want to get it when I’m travelling to Spain next week. I had also fun meeting up with my best friend and had a delicious lunch together in Haarlem ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜‹. We also went stationery shopping which is just the best. You will see what I bought in another post. I also saw her family later which I loved because they are basically my second family haha. Her father always says I’m his adopted daughter.

When I came back home I was walking to my home from the bus stop. I was listening to the birds and saw the Autumn leaves ๐Ÿ‚๐Ÿ๐Ÿƒ on the street. I saw the beautiful green trees. I could smell the Fall. I felt some wind on my face and right in that moment, I felt part of this universe. All is well I thought. Everything is exactly the way it’s because it’s suppose to be this way. I will find my way in life. The universe will always have my back. I’m so blessed so blessed to be alive right now. Thank you life for all the good and bad. I have tears in my eyes right now while writing this. I mean it. I really do. This life is so fragile. We really have to be thankful for all of it ๐Ÿ™โœจ๐Ÿ’—

“If I could stay in the moment and just be, I’d always come back to the same conclusion: all is well. Every time my mind took control, I challenged myself to not get pulled into panic mode.”

– To love and let go by Rachel Brathen

Thank you all for reading this post. I hope you understand what I just shared with you all. Do you also live more in the future than in the present moment? How does it make you feel? Do you also think a lot about life and death? Let me know lovelies. I’m always here for you ๐Ÿ’–. I will speak to you all soon in my next blog post.

Much love ๐Ÿ’ž,

xoxo Christina

Music of September ๐ŸŽถ๐Ÿ’—

Hey lovelies ๐Ÿ’•,

Again another month full of beautiful music. A lot of Spanish music was released and also other amazing songs such as from Camila Cabello and OG3NE. I hope you all will like it a lot ๐Ÿ’—.

Ariana Grande, Miley Cyrus & Lana del Rey – Don’t call me angel

I really like this song!! I wished Lana del Rey would have song more in this song though but it’s a good song. The three queens singing together ๐Ÿ‘ธ๐Ÿ˜. We can’t ask for more, right?!

Camila Cabello – Shameless

Camila is on fire with releasing good music! ๐Ÿ”ฅ Shameless is such a good song. Also this sentence in her lyrics “Iโ€™m tired of loving somebody thatโ€™s not mineโ€ really can be so relatable.

Camila Cabello – Liar

Camila is not only a good singer but also a great actress. LOVE THIS SONG. I love the beat, the sound and also the videoclip is very fun to watch. It’s a very catchy song which can get into your head very easily.

Zahara – Con las ganas (Versiรณn 2019)

This is one of my favourite Spanish songs ever. It’s so beautiful and so emotional ๐Ÿ˜ญ. Zahara is such a good artist. This song was already released a few years ago but she made another version this year. You can also hear it in the Spanish serie ร‰lite which I didn’t watch yet and also in the Spanish talent show. The song is about a loved one who betrayed her. She composed this song while crying and singing in a grey room.

Sofia Ellar – Media Tinta

Wow such a beautiful and emotional song from one of my fav Spanish artists! ๐Ÿ’— Sofia Ellar is amazing. This song is so beautiful. I also love how she is covered with inkt as tinta in the title means inkt in Spanish. It feels so raw and vulnerable. This song is about the two Sofia’s, one is the artist and the other one is just being herself where she also show her sensitivity and sensibility.

Sofia Ellar ft. Dani Fernรกndez – Rock’n’rolles de chiquillos

This is a beautiful version with Dani of this song from Sofia. This song is about a loved one who went away and then suddenly one day that loved one rings again at your door while you are heartbroken. Such a powerful balad. The voices are so well connected to each other and seeing Sofia sing always makes me so happy as she is just so real and honest. LOVE HER SO MUCH ๐Ÿ’ž๐Ÿ’ฏ.

OG3NE – First clash lovers

This three sisters from OG3NE are amazing. I always love their songs as well as this new song of the new album which comes out next month. I can’t wait. I love the harmony of their beautiful voices. I really hope I can see them live in The Netherlands soon.

Julia Michaels – If you need me

“I wish I could fix it, I wish I knew what to say
But everything feels likeโ€…aโ€…lie these days
Don’tโ€…know how not to feel thatโ€…way, oh
They’re reaching for reasons, it’s all gonna be okay
But everyone feels like a liar these days
Don’t know how not to feel that way

But if you need me, I’ll be right there
When you’re dreaming all your nightmares
I’ll come tackle the monsters
I’ll find where they hide in the nighttime
If you need me, I’ll be right there
When you’re happy and when you’re scared
I can still be your shoulder
I’ll be by your side even if I’m not next to you”

Such a beautiful song! Julia wrote this song inspired by the โ€œSorry For Your Lossโ€ community on Facebook. We all will have to live with loosing people in our life which will break our heart ๐Ÿ’”๐Ÿ˜ข. It’s in those times that we need such a song and remind us of the people who are right there for us to overcome the bad times in life. It broke my heart when one woman said: “It’s been so difficult not to have him. Not to have him as my person anymore.”

Julia Michaels – Priest

“Sometimes, I miss you and then I remember
That I deserve much better
Cover my tattoo about you with another
And now I’m feeling much better

Oh, you broke my heart and now you want some redemption
Oh, it’s obvious that you ain’t learned your lesson
Oh, you’re owning up so you can get to heaven
Oh, but I’m not a priest, so fuck your confession”

Finally she released the music video of this catchy song. I really like it so much. Hell yeah, we deserve much better always. We have to let our exes in the past because they are there for a reason.

Amaia – Pero no pasa nada

Amaia, the winner of the Spanish talent show Operaciรณn Triunfo finally released her first album. She is such a lovely and amazing singer. I always feel nostalgic when I listen to her songs. Before the release she already shared some amazing songs such as Quedarรก en nuestra mente, El Relรกmpago, y Nadie podrรญa hacerlo. I shared these songs in this and this post. You can see my other three favourites songs from her album below.

Amaia – Quiero que vengas

AMAZING SONG! ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ‘Œ Amaia also created literally art in this videoclip as she recreated famous paintings in this clip. I think she has such a beautiful style of music. It isn’t mainstream. I love that she makes music which relate to being her authentically self. I wish there would be more artists like her.

Amaia – Nuevo verano

This is such a lovely song. She sings about how she loves this world but she loves him more. She loves to talk to him. She also sings about how Summer ends and that it will not come back. I feel very happy, inspired and also nostalgic when I listen to this song.

Amaia – Porque apareciste

Her voice sounds like an angel and is so beautiful ๐Ÿงšโ€โ™€๏ธ. What I love the most of this song is her voice and hearing the guitar as background. It’s just so perfect together. She sings about that she loves someone because he appeared in her life. She loves him with all his lies.

The light the heat – Your love is my home

“You are the sunrise waking my day
You are the moonlight shining my way
This is where I call home

You are the fire warming my night
With you I’ll stay till the morning light
This is where I call home
This is where I call home

Your love is like no other
Your love is where I feel alive
My safety and my shelter
Your love is my home

I love this song so much ๐Ÿ’•. It’s so beautiful, magical and makes me feel calm โœจ. I heard this song in a video of Yoga Girl on her Instagram to announce her book tour “To love and let go”. I always love to discover new amazing music. There’s so much beautiful music to be discovered.

Agoney – Black

I also know Agoney from the Spanish talent show Operaciรณn Triunfo. His voice is beautiful and this song shows it. He sings about how this society we live in is sick and only thinks of likes. It’s just so true that we live in a fake world where it’s hard to be ourselves and be different. It feels like we have to be like everyone else is. I also really love the black atmosphere in this clip as it maches so well with this song.

Luca Hรคnni – Bella Bella

Luca is so cute, sings well and also dances well ๐Ÿ’ƒ. Luca represented Switzerland this year in Eurovision Song Contest with the song “She got me.” This is his new single and I really like it. The beat is also very nice.

Miki Nรบรฑez – Amuza

Miki from the Spanish talent show released his first album. I find his album very positive which makes me happy to dance and sing to every song of him. It’s a celebration of life ๐ŸŽ‰. I already shared how much I loved his single “Celebrate” in this post and of course his song for Eurovision “La venda”. I will maybe go to his concert next month in Spain. I will share my other favourites songs of his album below.

Miki Nรบรฑez ft. Adriร  Salas, Arnau Griso & Nil Moliner – Eterno verano

This song is only good vibes ๐Ÿ’—โœŒ๏ธ. I love Miki singing with these artists all together so much. It’s a song about living an endless Summer ๐ŸŒž. Oh how I wish that could be possible. BRING SUMMER BACK PLEASE OKAY. At least we have this song which reminds us of the sunshine. I also can relate to the sentence he sings about how waking up early is dying. I’m so a night owl haha ๐Ÿฆ‰๐Ÿ˜ด.

Miki Nรบรฑez ft. Sofia Ellar – Coral del Arrecife

My favourites Miki and Sofia sang together this amazing song. It’s a song about the coral reef. I really like the two voices combined.

Miki Nรบรฑez – Escriurem

Aaaah so beautiful!!! ๐Ÿ˜ I love this song so much. I especially love this song because he doesn’t sing in Spanish but in Catalan. There are a lot of problems right now in this region because they want to seperate from Spain. I really hope it will be solved soon ๐Ÿ™. The Spaniards and Catalans really love each other. I just think they have to dialogue and come to a peaceful solution. I don’t want to say more about this political issue as it’s hard to talk about it in Spain. I really love that Miki sings in his mother language. I really like this language and it sounds so good in this song.

Thank you all for reading this blog post and listening to some new music ๐ŸŽต. Which song did you like most? What was your favourite song in September? To which artist do yo listen to? Let me know lovelies. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

Much love ๐Ÿ’•,

xoxo Christina

World Mental Health Day 2019, you are never alone ๐ŸŒ๐Ÿ’—

Hey lovelies ๐Ÿ’•,

Today is a very important day in the world ๐ŸŒ. October the 10th is World Mental Health Day. I write about this every year as I find it so important. You can find my post of 2017 here and my post of 2018 here. I never want to write exactly the same every year because otherwise it would be borring haha. I suffer from a mental illness which is anxiety. They say 1 out of 5 people suffer from a mental illness in their lives at one point. Suicide rates are really high and statistics have shown that there are more men who die by suicide than women. This is really shocking to know. I also read it in this article of BBC news. Today I’m going to talk about mental health stigma, anxiety and mental health related to gender.

To begin with, we all have mental and physical health. Our brains work together with our whole body. Some ignorant people still forget that. When I feel anxious I begin to have negative thoughts about life and death. I feel like I can’t move on in life. Right now, I’m again struggling with my mental health. I also think it’s because of the change from Summer to the Winter months. I never deal well with having less sunshine and daylight ๐Ÿ˜ญ. I can’t understand why people don’t understand that our body and mine are one and that everything is connected. So, when I begin to have unrealistic thoughts and think about all the bad things which can happen if I do a certain thing then I already begin to feel anxious. This means that I begin to feel nauseous, dizzy, feel my heart beating really fast, feel my breath becoming faster and just feel so bad. This eventually can get worse which can result in having a panic attack, totally feeling out of control and in my case also having to vomit. What I fear the most is going through that again and it just feels like I’m going to die.

We are all living in the 21th century. It’s 2019 and there are still people who feel like it’s okay to judge someone who is struggling with their mental health. I really can’t understand that. How can that be possible?! It makes me sad but most of all it makes me so angry ๐Ÿ˜ก. Life is though for everyone of us. We all deal with our own problems and struggles in life. I really do believe life is even thougher for someone going with a mental illness. The mind plays with us which makes it dangerous. How can someone say to one who is dealing with an eating disorder that they just have to eat a bit more or eat less? Why do people say to someone who is going through anxiety to just be happy and stop worrying? How they hell can people say to just go out of bed when someone is struggling with a severe depression? YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT ๐Ÿ™„. Some people don’t know what it’s like to go through a mental illness because they have never gone through it but there are also some other people who just want to hurt others with their hurtful comments.

I just had to say this because I’m done with these comments. I’m done hearing from a “friend” say to me that I don’t try hard enough to get a job and move on in life. I’m done with hearing I’m lazy because I sleep a lot. I’m done hearing to snap out of it because I just can’t. Having a mental illness is a complex and difficult think to have and for others to understand. I don’t even understand my brain so how can someone help me when I can’t explain it either. If I could snap out of it all then I would already have done it. Give me that magic bottle of that witch ๐Ÿง™โ€โ™€๏ธ๐Ÿ”ฎ and I will drink it all. WHOEHOEEE NO ANXIETY ANYMORE I’M SO HAPPY. Well, unfortunately it doesn’t work that way. I really wish it would be that simple. I’m not going to therapy and still don’t know if I will go one day. I already said a few posts ago that I went to a woman who wasn’t a real psychologist a few years ago and had to vomit every time I had to go. I told it to her and she said it could be that I just don’t want to let myself seen. It’s really true. I hide myself all the time. I always avoid everything I fear and everything what makes me uncomfortable such as going to the dentist and other social situations. I also don’t know if therapy would really work for me. I don’t know if I will ever be free of anxiety. If I talk about anxiety, I get anxious. For me, what would be helpful is talking about the things I struggle with while taking action. Solving problems and thoughtful thinking.

Therapy isn’t for everyone as well as medication isn’t good for everyone. Natural medication doesn’t help my anxiety as I have tried lots of stuff such as St. John’s Wort and Valerian Root. I also took for two years a low dose of antidepressants just 20mg and it didn’t work as I think it was too less. What works for me is an anti anxiety medication such as Valium or Bromazepam. I only take this when I feel high anxiety or when I’m close to a panic attack. I know it isn’t good to take it often but sometimes you just need it. Taking medication for a physical health illness is okay so why would it be shameful to take something for our mental illness? Our mental health is as important as our physical health.

What for me also helps in dealing with anxiety is doing the things which makes me happy to be alive such as my passions. I love loads of things. As Taylor Swift says, we are the things we love ๐Ÿ’—. I love writing, reading good books ๐Ÿ“š, blogging (of course lol!), singing ๐ŸŽถ, surfing ๐Ÿ„โ€โ™€๏ธ, listening to music, swimming in the sea, having fun with my friends and family, photography and travelling. What I also love is following people like on this blog or on Instagram who make me feel good about myself and who inspire me. I love to follow artists such as Ariana Grande, Julia Michaels, Talor Swift, Duncan Laurence, Aitana, Alfred Garcรญa, Rosalรญa, Amaia, Sofia Ellar, Alvaro Soler, Ed Sheeran, Passenger and many more who make me happy and who align with my being โœจ. I also love Yoga Girl her postcasts so much and everything she does for this world. She’s my biggest inspiration in life ๐Ÿ˜. I really am so happy to have these people in my life as they make me so happy. I wish to meet them all (I met some of them) and enjoy their concerts live.

I really do believe that having a community such as the blogging community, Yoga Girl community or pen pal community makes our life better. Being surrounded by people who make us feel good about ourselves is so important as it can make us feel less alone. It makes us feel that we belong somewhere and that everything we feel is real and valid ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ’—. I love to be honest, vulnerable and sensitive. I really do believe that the only way we can heal our hearts is with opening our hearts and share all the ugly and beautiful things in life. We heal the world with healing ourselves first. All my friends in real life or online, my family or the people I follow on social media are honest about themselves. I only crave real connections in life. I’m done with all those fake people with their fake bodies and lives. That only makes me feel worse especially when I feel anxious.

What I would like to see in the upcoming year and all the years which have to come is that we all can talk openly about our mental health and mental illnesses. I would like people to be more compassionate and show empathy. We need that in order to speak up. When you see someone struggling, be there for that person. Sometimes we need advice but sometimes all we need is someone who says that they will be there for us and give us a hug. It’s the little things which count. I also would like that society treats women and men equally in this subject of mental health. Men are not less a man because they show their emotions or because they have to cry. Women are not crazy for showing their emotions or for being more emotional. We all show our emotions in our own ways and are equal. Hopefully then the rates of suicide will be less.

I also do believe we all need the help we deserve. Going through a mental illness can happen to anyone. It doesn’t matter how old you are, what your nationality is or what gender you have. It can effect anyone of us at any moment in our lives. There needs to be better treatment available which makes asking for helping easier. The waiting lists has to change, people need to get good help after being in crisis, and just a lot of other things need to change in this system so that it can be available for everyone. People with a low income or those who are unemployed also have to get the help they need. It breaks my heart to see how in some countries there are people struggling with their mental health with no help at all ๐Ÿ’”๐Ÿ˜ข.

Always remember that you are loved and that you are not alone in this. Every day is world mental health day. Let’s stay together to end this taboo of mental health stigma. We arenโ€™t crazy in our minds. We are sick. We all need help, support and compassion. To raise awareness about world mental health day you can donate money to a mental health organization, you can draw a circle on your hand with the hastag #iamwhole or wear something yellow with the hastag #helloyellow and post it on social media. Let’s do this all together ๐Ÿ’ชโค๏ธ

Thank you all for reading this important blog post. Thank you for always being there for me like I will always be there for you all too. We are all in this together. Which mental illness do you suffer from? What helps you to feel better? What do you think of the mental health stigma? What do you think has to improve in the mental health system? Let me know lovelies. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

I love you all so much ๐Ÿ’•,

xoxo Christina