My oldest brother got married 🎉👰💑💍💕💃🎶

Hey lovelies 💕,

In this blog post I will tell you all about the wedding of my brother Rafael with his Spanish girlfriend Verónica which was on the 11th of August. The wedding took place in Fuensaldaña. That’s a little village near to Valladolid. It’s just 15 minutes by car. In this post I will tell you all about the wedding, the good and the bad. I also will share some beautiful pictures I’ve made with the mobile of my mother. I still need to wait for the other pictures of Edward and Elke. My other brother has their own company of wedding photography. They make such beautiful pictures. This is their website if you want to look: Azcona Fotografie. I’m going to make another blog post when I have more pictures of them. Maybe, I will do a photo diary of it.


The night before the wedding (Friday the 10th) Rafael was sleeping in our home with me and my parents. It’s a tradition. Verónica was sleeping at their home with her mother and her brother Jairo. The wedding was in the afternoon Saturday 11th of August. I woke up at 11.00 o’clock and got myself reading to go to the hairdresser which is just 1 min. away from my house. I went to the hairdresser with my mother and my brother Edward was taking pictures of us hahah 😂 Edward and Elke were going to take all the pictures of the wedding. In the meantime, Elke was taking pictures of Verónica in a hairdresser near to her house. It took two hours to get all the curls in my hair. I also got a flower in my hair. My mother took one hour. I never like to be for so long in the hairdresser but I survived lol. Our appointment was at 12.30 and we ended at 2.30. Afterwards, we went home to eat pasta with my parents, Edward and Rafael. Elke was going to eat with the family of Verónica in her home.


It was a delicious meal. I already painted my nails the day before so I was happy that I didn’t had to do that. After eating I did my make up. I always use make up from Kiko because it’s just one of my favourite brands for make up. I used a pink eyeshadow from another brand and the pink lipstick is from Kiko. Everything had to match with my fuchsia dress 💕. I put on my favourite jewelry: white earrings and the dreamcatcher necklace which I bought in the Primark of Madrid in March. I put on my dress and already felt so warm. It was a hot Summer day with 30 degrees. Edward made pictures of me and he made the most pictures of Rafael when he got ready. He really looked so beautiful.


My parents got ready too and at 5 o’clock we were ready to leave by car. Rafael was driving his car and we were on our way to the house of Verónica. He was going to see Verónica for the first time in her beautiful wedding dress and then Edward & Elke were going to make pictures of this special moment. First, we went to a florist to put some flowers on his car. Me and my parents stayed in the car when Rafael saw Verónica for the first time in her hall. It was so hoooot inside the car so I was happy when Rafael came back. It was 5.30 and at 6 o’clock the wedding was going to take place. We were on time in Fuensaldaña. The wedding was going to be in the city hall of this village. Rafael opened the door of the car of Verónica. I talked with my Spanish family and friends of them. It was nice to see them all again after such a long time 😍😍😍

I had to enter the room of the city hall with my brother hand in hand. I was nervous for that moment because I hate to be in the middle of attention. It went really well haha despite the moment before that Rafael said that the rings were still in the car. So, a friend of my brother got them and it was all allright. I entered with my brother and then Verónica followed with my niece Noanne, another girl and her brother Jairo. They took pictures of us and the I sat down on the first row. I didn’t wanted to sit in the row in front of me because I find it strange to see the public like I’m not going to marry so I didn’t want all those eyes looking at me. This moment was were some people irritated me and what was a bad moment of the wedding.

After the ceremony a friend of my brother said to me why I didn’t sat next to my parents. I said that I wanted to sit next to Noanne. She kept talking blablabla. I think she founded it strange but fuck off my brother and Verónica already said to me days before the wedding that I could sit where I want. They know I don’t like to get all the attention. Even the mother of Verónica found it strange but I’m not sorry. I do what feels good for me and for my anxiety…. I’m so done of all the time explaining myself why I don’t do a certain thing. I say no more often and do what feels good to me.

The ceremony was really beautiful even though I like a wedding in a church more to be honest because there’s live music and it feels like you are in a movie haha. There were some great songs here but it was not live music. I didn’t sing on this weddding because they didn’t allow that in the city hall. I sang on the wedding of my other brother Edward. This cerenomy was short, just 45 minutes. Victor, the mayor of Fuensaldaña, was the leader of the cerenomy and married them. There were some beautiful speeches: one of my father, one of a friend of Rafael, one of a friend of Verónica, one of a little girl and one of the brother of Verónica. They light some candles, got the rings on, they said: “Yes I do” and then they gave each other a kiss. Edward and Jairo were the witnesses of the wedding and had to sign a paper. There were beautiful petals on the floor. It was simple but really beautiful. Simple is more.

After the ceremony they went to a balcony and all the guests went outside. We took some pictures of that monent. When they came outside we threw them hearts confetti and blew bubbles. It’s also typical to throw rice in Spain. After that moment, Edward and Elke took family pictures with the newlyweds. Then all the guests were just talking with each other outside and the newlyweds were doing a photoshoot by Edward and Elke in the village in the meantime. We had to wait from 7 o’clock till 8.30 to enter the restaurant where we were going to have the delicious dinner. I also took some pictures and one polaroid picture with my mother when everyone went away. At 8.30 we could enter the restaurant and we could have a drink. We sat in the cafe of the restaurant and already got some food: some little delicious tapas. I don’t like the fish so I didn’t eat that haha. I ate some tapas with meat, one with tomato and cheese and an empanada. It was really all so delicious. I also didn’t want to eat so much because dinner was going to be so much food.



At 9.30 Rafael and Verónica entered the restaurant and we applaused. Then Elke, the wife of Edward came to talk with me and said: “How are you?” and she just wanted to talk and looked in my eyes. I began to cry really hard because I was fed up to appear strong when I felt bad and anxious sometimes. I didn’t want to appear strong when I felt weak. I was fed up of faking that I was happy. I was happy at that special wedding day but also didn’t look forward to all questions about my life…. I told her how I felt lost in life and that I want to live and work in Spain. She said if I want to live with my parents or just be in Spain. I love to be with my parents but I really want to live here forever. My parents are also thinking of maybe selling their home in The Netherlands but it all takes time. It was a great talk and I really loved to talk with her. She’s said that everything will be allright. She’s always so caring and lovely. She really cares about me. Edward my brother saw me crying and Jairo the brother of Verónica too and said awhh you make me cry too. I felt loved and not alone and that was a great feeling. Sometimes it’s so good to let everything out. I felt better aferwards. Sometimes all you need is a good cry.

After that moment, all guests went upstairs to the restaurant and we all had to sit by a certain round table. I was sitting with all people I knew, my parents, Edward, Elke, friends of Rafael and other people. It was really nice. We got three plates and in between we got alcohol. I only tasted a bit of the wine before dinner because I don’t want to drink while taking antidepressants. I also don’t drink alcohol anymore just a few sips hahah 😂 The bread was delicious. The first plate was avocado salad with fish. I didn’t ate the fish😅 After this plate we got a drink which was called sorbete de passión, it was a drink with alcohol and tasted really sweet and well. This drink was to change the flavour in our month. Then we got the big plate which was meat: solomillo with champignons. It was allright but I don’t like to eat so much meat so I didn’t eat everything just enough. I feel full easily. The drink after this plate was champagne but it was really bitter so I only drank a few sips.

I gave all the drank to my mother hahah. During the dinner, Rafael and Verónica came to our table and other tables sometimes to just chat a bit. They were placed in an apart table far away from us. Almost at the end of the dinner I gave the guests a present. The children got sweets and Verónica said I could also get one. It was a pack full of all sweets, chips and delicious stuff. The men got a beer opener in the form of a bike which is typical in The Netherlands. The women got a bookmark in the form of an owl which is the favourite animal of Verónica. She has everything of owls in her home. It was nice to gave these presents to the guests. Afterwards, it was time for the most delicious plate: dessert time. Rafael and Verónica cut the pie. It was a delicious chocolate pie with vanilla ice cream. I really loved it so much. After the dessert we got a chupito which is a shot and I got one of apple without alcohol and tea which was really nice. The dinner began at 10.00 and ended at 00.30.

After dinner we went all to the ballroom which was downstairs to dance all night long. Rafael and Verónica did the first dance which was a salsa dance. My brother takes salsa lessons and can dance very well. Verónica also dances salsa. It was a beautiful dance. After that dance they danced a slow dance. Then all the guests were dancing on Spanish music and I also said to the DJ to put the song “Het is een nacht” on. It’s a dutch song which I like. I also danced like crazy on the song “Lo malo” from Aitana and Ana from the Spanish talentshow Operación Triunfo. I like that so much. Then again the friend of my brother came to me (the same one who said that I had to sit next to my parents in the ceremony) and said why don’t you dance, come on dance with us. I like to dance but I was also tired so leave me alone please. Then, this woman went dancing and left me in peace. I danced till 3 o’clock. Me and my mother were getting tired. Some family of Verónica said don’t go, stay longer. Well, no is no. The party ended for us. A friend of my brother brought us home and I slept at 5 o’clock in the morning. When I got home I had to do my make up away and everything which took a lot of time.

I was supposed to go eating the next day in a hotel near to my house with the family but I didn’t go. I felt anxious and cried that night and was just so tired. I had stomach aches and I said I didn’t go. My father later at home said that I have borderline and I was like no but I didn’t say anything. He didn’t seem to understand that the night before I was happy and dancing at the wedding and on Sunday I felt bad. I know that my feelings are true and I don’t need to give anyone any explanation. If they don’t believe it, they don’t. I don’t have borderline. I think it’s rude to say that as a joke. I just don’t know why people say those things out of the blue. It can hurt someone especially someone who is really going through that. I’m also happy that I didn’t go to that eating the next day after the wedding because my Spanish aunt wasn’t feeling good and felt dizzy. She’s now okay again but all the wedding stuff was so tiring.

Thank you all for reading this loooooong blog post. I hope you all liked it. I just always want to be honest about how I experience something, the good and the bad. Did you like the pictures? Do you also love weddings as much as I do? Do you also feel fed up with giving an explanation to someone? What would you do in such a situation? I would love to know your thoughts. I speak to you all in my next blog post.

Much love 💕,

xoxo Christina

Summer OOTD: green floral jumpsuit 🌞👗💚🍃

Hey lovelies 💕,

Today I just want to share a little blog post before I share with you the big wedding blog post. That takes more time haha 😂 with all the pictures that I want to share and all the things I have to tell. Today I went for the 11th day to the swimming pool with my mother this Summer 💕🏊🌞✨ We had a great time and even swam when it was raining a bit. Not a few rain drops are going to stop us from swimming.


Floral Jumpsuit: from the big shop in Spain called El Corté Ingles. It was on sale when I bought it. I just waited to buy it hahah. First it was €26 but on sales it was €13.

I love my green floral jumpsuit ❤️👌 I never had one before. It’s always great to wear new clothes. I’m also matching with the grass yasss I’m one with nature always 😂🍀🍃 When I bought it I already knew that my mother had to sew it. She sewed it and now I fit better in it.


Thank you all for reading this short blog post. I’m always used to write long blog post so it’s nice also to share something short. Did you like my green floral jumpsuit? Do you also love to wear a jumpsuit?

Much love ❤,

xoxo Christina

Singing cover: Supermarket Flowers by Ed Sheeran 🎶💕🎤

Hey lovely bloggers 💕,

Thank you all so much for your lovely comments in my last blog post. I’m so happy you all like my blog so much. I’m so happy with the endless support I get from you all. It really means the world to me 😍 I will keep continue creating and writing content. I will also try to write about new things. To celebrate my 1 year of blogging I will share in this blog post my first singing cover. In another blog post in the future I will tell you more about my love for singing and more covers. I even am thinking of making a Youtube channel to share there covers aswell as on my blog but I’m a bit nervous about that. I don’t know if I will do that. I’m not a professional singer. I just love singing so much. I just still feel awkward recording me videos hahah 😂.

I sing all my life. I sang in a choir for 11 years in The Netherlands and really loved it. Singing is really one of my biggest passions. Singing is so calming and music just makes me so happy. Music is life ❤. In this blog post I will share a cover of “Supermarket flowers” by Ed Sheeran. I already shared the cover on my Instagram for my blog. The lyrics is so beautiful. I especially love the sentence: “A heart that’s broke is a heart that’s been loved.”

This is such a beautiful and emotional song and one of my favourites of Ed Sheeran. I’m a fan of Ed Sheeran for so many years and I saw him singing live one day when he came as surprise act at the concert of Passenger. I can’t wait to go to a concert of him alone too. This song is about his grandmother who passed away. This song is for all the people who have lost someone. Your loved one is an angel and will live forever in your heart. I’m here for you all 🙏💕🌸

You can watch my cover here below:

Thank you all for reading. I like to share new things on my blog. Did you like my cover? Would you want that I share more singing covers on my blog/youtube? Let me know 😄 I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

Much love,

xoxo Christina

One year blogging anniversary 🎉🎂🎁🎈💕

Hey lovely bloggers 💕,

Before I write a blog post about the wedding of my brother which was last Saturday (11-8-2018). I also have to wait to get the pictures of my brother. Today I want to write a blog post about achieving a blogging milestone: my 1 year blogging anniversary 🎉💕. Today my blog post turned one year. I’m so happy my blog turned one year. I’m so blessed to achieve this blogging milestone. In this blog post I also am going to share some statistics of my blog, reasons why I love WordPress so much and some future plans for my blog in the future.

I’m so happy I began this blog on WordPress just a year ago. I was always thinking if it would be worth it and if anybody would ever read it. I didn’t know that my blog was able to grow. I’m thankful for my 212 followers. I don’t care that much about the numbers but of course it makes me happy that more and more people are following my blog. What I love the most about blogging is interacting with people. I developed beautiful friendships which I value a lot ❤. I never knew blogging would be so much fun. I already had a blog before on Tumblr and interacted with people but then my site got deleted. It was really sad because I had 2000 followers on there. I have a new Tumblr blog. My tumblr blog is more to get inspiration, share pictures from others and find beautiful quotes.

What I love about WordPress is that awesome blogging community. I also found it on Tumblr but sometimes people on there were really negative and depressed and glamorizing mental illnesses. I really don’t like that. On WordPress I feel everyone is more real, honest and able to be vulnerable. I really love that so much. I love that people are able to share the good and the bad in life. This is also the reason why you develop friendships on WordPress. Whenever I read a blog post I feel really connected to that person and can look into their mind. It feels like they’re talking to me. That real connection is just so beautiful.

I also love that I can be myself without feeling judged. You all are so kind, caring and beautiful people. I never knew I would find such amazing people on the internet. I’m happy to be also part of the mental health community on Instagram and here on my blog. It’s great that we have each other back. We are all in this together. I can write about anything on my blog and I love that I’m not afraid to share the good and also the bad in my life. I share a lot about living with an anxiety disorder and how it affects my life. It’s great to know that I’m not the only one going through this mental illness. Sometimes people don’t understand me in real life but here they understand me and respect me. I wish people would do that more in real life too. It’s just so important to know good people who respect you, understand you and care about you.

Internet friends are real friends 💕 How many times have my parents warned me for the dangerous side of internet when I was little. Of course, I know that there are dangers of internet and you have to be careful when you meet someone you’ve met on the internet. I just truly believe that internet friends are real friends even though you don’t see them or can’t talk face to face with them. You can read their inner thoughts and feel their feelings. You can create a real connection. That’s what for me is a real friendship. I really can’t wait to meet you all one day. I guess you all are even more awesome in real life. I also would love to travel with you all, go on adventure, take pictures, tell each other our secrets and just have fun together.

I’m going to share with you now some blog statistics from this year. I hope you don’t find this statistics too borring haha 😂. I found it interesting to share some of them and look back after this one year of blogging.

Followers: 212

Blog posts:
94 (almost 100 posts whoehoe)



Best day:
August the 16th (the day I made this blog!)

Day most popular:
Friday (28%)

Hour most popular:
3:00 (Night owls or my followers who live in a different timezone than me) (8%)

Some of my blog posts who were the most popular and got the most views were:

How being bullied in high school caused me anxiety(56 views)

I’m not good enough 💭 (61 views)

10 life lessons learned in 2017 (78 views)

10 self care tips💞🌠(99 views)

Do you think it’s possible that some people are born to give more love than they will ever get back in return? 💕 (130 views)

Top 10 countries that visited my blog:

1. United States (635 views)

2. United Kingdom

3. Spain
(274 views which includes me when I check my blog haha 😂)

4. India

5. Canada

6. Poland

7. Ireland

8. Australia

9. Netherlands

10. Italy

I learned a lot of blogging this year. I still don’t know everything of WordPress but every day you learn something new. So, I will take it slowly. I still want to improve my theme. Maybe, I also would to go self-hosted on WordPress. As I read the blog post of Mia I now know the cons and pros of going self-hosted so I would prefer to do it via WordPress. I would not like that nobody can read my blogs again in the reader or encounter other problems. I also would like to share some new things on my blog as book reviews, movie reviews, poems written by me, singing covers (maybe making a Youtube channel but it makes me nervous haha) travel posts, surf adventures, photography and do some blog colloberations. I want to be more creative and share more of the things I love to do. Of course, I will also keep writing about some of my main topics on my blog which are: lifestyle ❤, self-love 💕, mental health 💪, feminism 👭 & wanderlust 🌍.

I’m going to continue to keep blogging for my whole life. I know blogging is also hard work too. I have had times where I didn’t feel like blogging and then I didn’t blog for a few weeks. I felt guilty and bad afterwards because I don’t want to neglect it. Now, I know that’s okay. I don’t have a blogging schedule and  I just love to write and share when I feel inspired. I don’t want to feel like I have to do it because otherwise it’s not that much fun. For now, blogging is just a hobby. Who knows, maybe in the future it could be my job too. We’ll see what the future brings.

I hope you all liked this blog post. What do you like about my blog? What kind of posts would you like that I write about? Do you also think internet friends are real friends? I would love to know suggestions and your opinion. I’m always happy to improve my blog and I will keep writing interesting blog posts. I hope you all are going to continue this crazy adventure called life with me 💕. Thank you for your beautiful friendship and for always holding space for me. You all mean the world to me.

I love you all so much 😍😍😍,

xoxo Christina

Surf/beach playlist 🌊🎶🌴🌞

Hey lovely bloggers 💕,

I have some great Summer blog posts ready for you this Summer. I already shared some. Today I would like to share with you all a surf/beach playlist for the Summer time. I can’t wait to go to the beach again this Summer as I only went one day. I think I’m going to a surf camp at the end of August. This Saturday is the wedding of my brother so I can’t wait to relax at the beach at the end of this month. I love all of these songs so much. These songs are not in any rank. I love them all equally so much. I hope you like them too.


  • Ed Sheeran – I see fire (Kygo remix)

I love this remix so much. I already love the original song from Ed Sheeran so much but this remix is just soooo beautiful. I remember that I found this remix just searching one day on Youtube. La belle Musique makes beautiful remixes. Whenever I listen to this song, I feel so relaxed and happy. The melody and the sound is really out of the world 😍 I saw Ed Sheeran once during a concert of Passenger where he came as a surprise to sing one song. I can’t wait to go to one of his concerts. He’s definitely one of my favourite artists ever.

  • Bob Marley – Is this love (Montmarte remix)

This is definitely one of my favourites songs ever. I listened to this song one day when I was on a surfcamp in Suances, in the north of Spain. I always listened to this song and find myself in that surfing mood. Bob Marley is just heaven on earth ❤. I love all his songs so much. This is my favourite remix of this song. It’s so beautiful and have such a relaxing sound!

  • Corona Extra: A journey by Taylor Steele – From where you’d rather be

I always listen to this song when I’m travelling. I listen to this when I’m on the airplane, bus or train. This song and also the videoclip is so beautiful. I definitely get that surf vibes 🏄 I forget the whole world around me when I listen to this song. When I listen to this song I think of travelling the whole world and leaving everything behind me. This song gives me that feeling of freedom and wanderlust. I will never stop travelling because travelling makes you life richer.

“Take a break from this world
and we’ll feel miles away from the places that we used to be

as we lay in the sand and we stare at the sky
watch the moon dance in white as the stars light your eyes
oh my there’s no place on earth I’d rather be”

Xavier Rudd – Follow the sun

Xavier Rudd makes lovely music. This song is one of my favourites. The lyrics is beautiful and the melody and sound too. It makes me feel so peaceful. Whenever I listen to this song I feel definitely in the Summer mood. I will always follow the sun. This song is about cherishing the little moments in life 🌞

“So follow, follow the sun,
The direction of the bird,
The direction of love
Breathe, breathe in the air,
Cherish this moment,
Cherish this breath
Tomorrow is a new day for everyone,
Brand new moon, brand new sun”

Israel “IZ” Kamakawiwo’ole – Somewhere over the rainbow

This song is also one of my favourite songs ever. The melody, the sound and the lyrics is just perfect. I also love the singer so much. The singer died on a young age, just 38 years old because of obesitas. It’s such a sad story. I listen to this song so much and especially during Summer. It’s such a relaxing song 🌈

“And I think to myself what a wonderful world”

  • HONNE – Coastal love

I remember that I found this song on a list of Spotify of surf music. I love to find music just randomly. I love HONNE. They make so beautiful music. This song is perfect for a day on the beach. I get that surf and beach vibes 🌊

  • Crystal Fighters – Plage

Crystal Fighters is one of my favourite bands ever. It’s a band of electro, folk and indie. This is a Spanish/English band. The band’s origin is Navarra in the north of Spain and now they’re located in London. They also have a lot of concerts in Spain. I really want to go one. This song is such a great song for beach time in the Summer. It’s perfect and make me so happy. I also love the arty video clip.

  • Crystal Fighters – Love natural

I love this song of Crystal Fighters so much too 💕. I heard it a lot when I went to a surf camp in Spain a few years ago. This song makes me so happy and the video is also beautiful. I get the melody of this song so fast in my mind. I love this genre of music so much.

  • The Vaccines – Wetsuit

This song means so much to me as I always listen to it when I’m going to surf. I’m still a beginner surfer but I really enjoy to be in the ocean and enjoy the waves. I can stand on the surf board but I still have to practice a lot to actually ride waves. This song is so awesome and I love the Instagram video. I saw The Vaccines once in a concert in Amsterdam, The Netherlands and it was really awesome. There was even a person who wore a wetsuit during that concert, haha so funny!

  • Drums – Let’s go surfing

This is again a song which I love to listen before I go surfing. I get that surfing vibes. The melody is upbeat and is really nice. I also find it funny that in the video you just see the guy running instead of surfing.

“Wake up, it’s a beautiful morning honey, while the stars are still shining
Wake up, would you like to go with me
Honey, take a run down to the beach
Oh momma, I wanna go surfin”

  • Mr. Probz – Waves (Robin Schulz remix radio edit)

OMGGGG THIS SONG ASDFGHJKJL I JUST EVERYTHING 😍😍😍 I love it so much. I also especially love this remix of this song. It’s just so beautiful, relaxing and calming. I also loved the video so much because you can see the ocean and the waves. I don’t need more to feel real happiness in my heart.

  • Mandelbarth – Palmtree

This is such a great Summer song. I like the lyics and the sound. I found this song on a Youtube playlist of Mr. Revillz who has beautiful songs 🌴🌞

“Under the palm trees is where we dance tonight
Back then it felt like a roller coaster ride
Oh! Under the palm trees, where I found my love”

  • DJ Antoine with James Gruntz – Song to the sea

Okay, so this is still one of my favourite songs ever. I will tell you a short story about this song. This one of my ex’s favourite songs too. It’s because of him I know this song. I always listened to this song with him. It was for me so difficult to listen to this song and not remind myself of him and our time together. I always ended up crying listening to this song. Now, I’m happy I can listen to this song again without crying and just feeling happy. I think it’s important to be able to listen to your favourite songs even though when it remind you of that person. I love the original song but this colloboration is just perfect. My ex was Swish and DJ Antoine is a Swiss house, electro DJ and producer from Basel. The lyrics is so beautiful and remind me of Summer time and how much I love to be young, wild & free

“I beg you, raise your water to the feet of mine
So I can dip my toes, remember what it’s like
Just feeling free and having all the time I need
This is why I sing a song to the sea”

  • Vance Joy – Riptide

I always listened to this song on a surf camp. I love this song really so much. I also love the video because the video just relate so much to the lyrics. I also read on Youtube that the meaning of the song was that a girl was kidnapped and that the person made her sing this song but if she sang it wrong they would hurt her hence why her make up was smudged through the video. I first didn’t understand the video so I had to read the comments. I’m always late to get things hahah xD I think it’s such a deepful meaning behind this song. I’m also scared of dentists and the dark so I can really late to this song.

I hope you all liked this surf/beach playlist. Which one is your favourite song? Can you relate to my playlist? If you have any songs to add to this playlist let me know. I would love to know your thoughts and I always love to discover new music. Music is life 🎶😍

Much love ❤,

xoxo Christina

The differences between everyday anxiety and an anxiety disorder

Hey lovely bloggers 💕,

Today I want to write again about a mental health topic. As you all know I suffer from an anxiety disorder. I think it’s important to write about this issue. Today I’m going to talk about the differences of every day anxiety and having an anxiety disorder. I’m not a doctor or working in the mental health sector. This is just based on my own experience of having an anxiety disorder.


This picture is from Google. I think it definitely explains really well the differences between every day anxiety and having an anxiety disorder. It’s a good way to understand the differences. Of course, if you want to get a real diagnosis you need to go to a doctor. All my life I thought that I just nervous and that it wasn’t a real illness. However, deep in my heart I knew that my anxiety wasn’t okay. Being nervous and actually having an anxiety disorder is much more than just being having a bit of nerves. Every one experience stress or anxiety in their lives. It can be stress or feeling nerves to do an exam or to give a presentation. An anxiety disorder is much more than just being worried about every day life. An anxiety disorder is constantly worrying which don’t let you live a normal life. It seems like you can’t go on with your life because your anxiety is in the way. If you can’t seem to let your anxieties go, you may have an anxiety disorder. Anxiety is a real mental illness.

If I fear a social situation or a situation that makes me uncomfortable than I would rather run away from it and avoid it. Having an anxiety disorder makes me avoid many times situations. For example, I fear going to the dentist and and up not going but I know I have to go. This will only increase my anxiety and make it worse. Avoidance isn’t working but is caused because of my anxiety disorder. It’s really hard to go through life and wanting to avoid everything which makes me anxious. I know overcoming a fear will be worth it and eventually I would think that it wasn’t that scarry. I still avoid situation that makes me anxious. I’ve learnt to overcome some of them but I’m still in the process which is hard.

Also having panic attacks on the regular basis may be also a sign of having an anxiety disorder. Panick attacks are really the worst thing ever. I’m glad it’s such a long time ago that I had one but I still remember how awful it feels. I think it was months ago that I experienced one. I know of one panick attack that happened in my home city Valladolid, in Spain almost two years ago. I was alone in the busy shopping street and felt like crying, felt dizzy, my heart was beating fast, felt so anxious and was afraid to not get to home safe as I was afraid of falling down because of feeling so dizzy and strange. I came home crying but I was safe. I just wanted to get to home safe and sound. I remember that it took me so time to understand that just because it happened doesn’t mean it will happen again. The thing with panic attacks is that you fear to have another one and that makes it really scarry. After that happened I was afraid to walk through that street again because it reminded me of the bad time. Now, I overcame that fear and I can walk through that street normally.

I also remember another time I had a panick attack which was in August last Summer the night before my exam. It was the last exam I had to take to graduate my studies. In June I made the same exam about law and failed for 0.5 point. It made me feel so anxious and emotional. I just wanted to graduate. I was afraid I would never graduate. The night before I had to take the exam again in August I had a panick attack. I felt so anxious, naouseous, dizzy, my body shaking, feeling my heart beating fast again, feeling cold and warm at the same time and crying. I slept only a few hours and also ended up in the bed of my mother. Fortunately she was there for me. I also took a 1.5 mg of bromazepam which is a benzodiazepine that helps to beat my anxiety. It definitely calmed myself down and I could sleep a few hours before my exam. At the end, my exam went so well and I got as a mark an 8 and could graduate.

I think one of the worst things of having an anxiety disorder is just the fear that you are going to die or like you go completely crazy. I know I will not die but feeling like you breath fast and feeling dizzy make you feel that way. I always get scared when I feel that way because I fear to have another panic attack. I’m glad I didn’t have one since months ago but I still fear that. It’s a horrible thing to experience. I hope nobody who’s reading this have to experience this. If you have experience this, I hope you are feeling better right now. I’m always here for anyone who wants to talk with me. I’m not a professional doctor but I will be there for you ❤️🙏

All these thoughts of thinking that like you are going to fail an exam, feeling that you are going to die or thinking that you aren’t good enough are irrational thoughts. They aren’t real. You just believe them and that will at the end make you feel bad about yourself. If you say to yourself every day that you aren’t worth it, sooner or later you are going to believe it. These thoughts turn into feelings. You are also going to feel you aren’t worth it and that will turn into actions. You are going to neglect yourself as for example not drinking enough water or not eating well. I’m learning not to believe those irrational thoughts but it’s really hard. I just hate all those thoughts and feelings I have when I feel anxiety. I know many of the situations I fear don’t cause me any danger but my mind thinks different because it’s sick.

It’s normal to feel anxious and have rational thoughts when you are in life danger such as when you have an accident. Feeling so much anxiety for example for an presentation and feel like you are going to mess up isn’t that realistic. You learned enough and just do your best. That’s really enough. It’s just your mind that makes you think all these negative thoughts about yourself which you believe. A good way to replace these irrational thoughts is with rational thoughts. Ask yourself if your thoughts are realistic or if it’s your mind that’s playing a game with you.

Also having nightmares and having constantly flashbacks about a traumatic event can be a sign of having an anxiety disorder. If something traumatic happened in your life and you just can’t seem to let it go it would be a good idea to ask for help and get professional help. I remember that I had bad dreams of being bullied again and was experiencing it again in my dream. I’m glad I could talk about it during some counselling sessions a few years ago. I realized it wasn’t my fault that I got bullied of course and that those people were just mean. I have and always have been enough. I’m glad I don’t have those bad dreams anymore.

I still take antidepressants since one year and a half. It’s just 20 mg but definitely helps. I still have to learn to live with anxiety my whole life. I also take a benzo when I feel high anxiety. I hope you all liked this blog post. I hope I explained the differences between every day anxiety and actually having an anxiety disorder well. I’m not a doctor. This is all just based on my own experience. Do you also have an anxiety disorder and can relate to it? Did you ever experience a panic attack? Do you get help? I would love to know your thoughts and opinion about it. I would also love to help anyone who feels bad or is struggling right now. I will always be here for you all ❤️

I love you all so much 💕,

xoxo Christina

My trip to Granada 💕🌞🌴🌊🏄😎

Hey lovelies 💕,

I just want to thank you all for your sweet messages on my last blog post. It feels so good to write about my feelings and thoughts whether they are positive or negative. Let everything go. This blog post will be my travel blog post about Granada where I went last week with my mother. I hope you all are going to like it. I will share what I did, pictures which I made and some food what I’ve eaten. This will be my first travel blog post as I’ve never done one before. My other blog post about Granada will be about all the nice stuff I bought in Granada: shopping haul yeahhh. This is going to be a long blog post so I warn you already.

First day – Tuesday 24th of July

The first day of my trip was a travel day. From Valladolid to Granada it’s 7 hours by bus and one hour waiting in the bus station of Madrid. It’s 610 km. so far away! Granada is a city in the south of Spain, in Andalucia. The bus trip went well. I enjoyed listening to music, scrolling on social media haha, and I watched a movie in the bus. We had our own screen to watch movies, listen to music, play games and so many more things. I watched the movie Inside Out from Disney Pixar. I really love these movies so much. It was such a beautiful movie which reminds me that in life you have to feel sadness to also enjoy happiness in life. I enjoyed eating bread with tortilla which is typical in Spain and I ate an empanada of chicken. I also took some meds to not be naouseous in the bus.


We took the bus at 12.30 from Valladolid. At 3 o’clock we were at the bus station in Madrid. There we waited for one hour. At 4 o’clock the bus left and we were at 8.30 in the bus station in Granada. My friend Antonio was waiting there for us. He brought us by tram and bus to our hotel. The only thing what was bad in the hotel was that we had one bed for me and my mother. I did the booking on internet via and clicked the option two single beds. I told it at the reception but they told us that they only had one room with two single beds and that is was full. It didn’t matter. I made a bed on the ground with quilt and pillows and my mother wanted to sleep there. I slept in the other bed. We slept great without any problems. We could have another bed in the room but it would be €15 each night so better not.

We arrived at 9.30 in the hotel. Afterwards, we went for dinner at 11.00 o’clock. We ate some delicious tapas in a place which I love a lot. We ate bread with chicken, salad and bread with jamon serrano and melon. We also drank grape juice which is called mosto. I was really so hungry. We also went to a pizzeria and got a slice of pizza and ate it on a bench in the city centre. Afterwards, we went to the hotel and prepared some things for the trip to the beach next day.


Second day – Wednesday 25th of July

We woke up and got breakfast in the bar Gerado just next to our hotel. In our hotel we didn’t have a restaurant or a bar. We ate bread with jamon serrano and a mosto. Afterwards, we bought a bus card to use during this trip. We walked down the street where there were so many arabic shops with mosaic lamps, mosaic patern, hippie clothes and stuff. I love that street so much. It feels like you are in Marroco. Hippie vibes everywhere yeahhh ❤✌ Also the owners of these shops aren’t Spanish. I bought some stuff which you will see in my next blog post. It was really hot outside, like 35 degrees which make us walk slowly. We also went to a view point which is called Carvajales. Granada has so many great view points where you can see the beautiful palace La Alhambra. We made some pictures and walked down the streets.

At 4 o’clock it was time to eat. Normally, we eat a bit earlier in Spain. My mother ate a ham and cheese crepe and a tinto de verano which is wine. I drank mosto and ate a menu which consisted of gazpacho andaluz (typical cold Spanish soup), albondigas (meat balls) with vegetables and watermelon. My menu was just €12.50 and also include the drink and bread. I love eating in Spain because it’s so cheap. My mother also ate from my menu. We enjoyed eating in restaurant Las Cuevas just at the end of the street Calderia Nueva where the hippie shops are.

After finishing eating we went to the hotel to rest, take a siesta and pack our things to go to the beach. At 7 o’clock in the afternoon we left the hotel and went to the bus stop to take the bus to the station and then walked to the house of Antonio. He would bring us to the beach by car. At the bus stop we met a lovely girl from Alicanta who’s name is also Cristina without the h and is 25 years old just like me. She’s working in the mountain Sierra Nevada in Granada and is researching the water there which is really interesting. She brought us with the help of Google Maps to the house of Antonio. I got here Facebook. I love to make friends. It took us one hour by car to go to his appartment in La Rábita where the beach is. His parents were already at the beach.

As soon as we got there I wore my bikini to go to the beach. I felt bad during that moment at the beach which I told in my last blog post: Feeling that I’m not honest I cried and when I woke up the next day, I felt much better than before. I also got tummy pain before so I knew my period was coming soon. It was going to come on Friday. We wanted to swim in the beach but we couldn’t because there were jelly-fishes in the sea. We saw a beautiful sunset on the beach. I didn’t want to get bitten so we just enjoyed the beach at night. At 11 o’clock we went to his appartment and eat all together (Antonio, his parents and my mother). His parents made delicious salad with vegetables, potatoes and chicken and watermelon and melon. The dinner was delicious and afterwards we went to bed. I sleep every night like at 3 o’clock or 4 o’clock because it’s so hot that I can’t sleep.


Third day – Thursday 26th of July

We woke up and got a delicious breakfast with the mother of Antonio and my mother. Antonio and his father were already at the beach. We drank tea and ate bread with strawberry mermalade and watermelon. I’m so addicted to watermelon. I love it. After breakfeast I wore my bikini from O’Neill which is my favourite bikini and the material is from surfing wetsuits. It’s for surfing too but I prefer to surf with a wetsuit. We swam in the sea and stayed on the beach from 12 o’clock till 2.30 in the afternoon. It was so great to swim in the ocean after one year not going. I only swim in the sea when it’s Summer time. I really missed it so much. I didn’t see any jelly-fishes so it was fine.




After swimming we went to his appartment to change our clothes to go to eat in a restaurant called ELCOLAS near to the beach. Last Summer, we ate here too with his family. I loved the menu because it wasn’t that much food. Sometimes I struggle with eating so much which makes me naouseous. There was a lot of food to choose from. My first plate was gazpacho, second plate was two chicken skewers with salad and potatoes and as dessert I got again watermelon haha. It was all so delicious. We had a great time.

We went to their appartment at 4.30 in the afternoon to rest and take a siesta. This is really typical in Spain. I really enjoy that a lot because it’s also too hot outside during Summer. At 6 o’clock we got up and we went to the beach again. I love to swim in the sea at that time because the water is even warmer than before and it’s not that hot outside. I love the Mediterranean Sea so much. It’s not that cold as the Atlantic Ocean. We stayed at the beach until 8.30 in the afternoon, swam in the sea and took some awesome pictures. We packed all our stuff in their appartment and had dinner. Antonio brought my mother and I again back by car to our hotel in Granada. He went home and we went to our hotel. We stayed in because we were so tired. I also had to shower and unpack our stuff. The beach makes me always so tired. The salt water definitely cleans my soul. It was such a great and happy day at the beach. I enjoyed it a lot! 😄🌊💕✌🌴🌞

Fourth day – Friday 27th of July

This was the last day in Granada because on Saturday we would have just a little bit of time left before we went home. We got up and got breakfast in Bar Gerardo. My mother ate bread with mermalade and butter and I ate bread with tomato and oil. We both drank tea. It was delicious and just for €2.50 each other so both €5. After breakfast we went to our hotel to pack some stuff and walked at the centre. At 3 o’clock we went to eat again, haha Spanish time. In Spain we always eat like the big meal during that time of the day. In The Netherlands dinner at 6 o’clock is the big meal. In Granada it’s famous to order a drink like mosto, water or wine and get a free tapa. We ate at the restaurant beauty and the beast. My mother drank wine and I drank mosto and we got a free tapa which was bread with ham and potatoes. It was really so delicious. That tapa was free but we ordered also a great salad with apple, chicken, cheese and everything.

We went to our hotel after eating until 7 o’clock. It was also really hot outside to do anything and I just got my period today. When I get my period I feel grumpy, have painfully cramps and I’m so tired and so dizzy so it was important to rest in our hotel room. It made sense that I felt emotional and had cramps the days before. In Spain the shops are open from the morning till 2 o’clock. Then they close and open at 5/6 o’clock until 9/10 o’clock. I really like that. In The Netherlands they are open from the morning till 5 or 6 o’clock in the afternoon. I like to shop at night. In Spain they call it afternoon until 8 o’clock hahah 😂. I even felt a bit asleep and my mother too. Siesta time was great.

We went to the city centre and walked again around the hippie shops and bought more stuff. We walked to the view point of San Nicolás. It was still a bit hot outside and the streets in Granada are not flat which takes a lot of energy. I liked that we could ask people and they were always friendly to help us find the way to the view point. We stayed the whole time at the mirador of San Nicolás till 9 o’clock and even saw a beautiful sunset. There were so many people so it was sometimes difficult to take a great picture. I have made some awesome pictures. From that point you can see the beautiful palace Alhambra where we went last year and also the mountain Sierra Nevada which has no snow right now. It’s such a beautiful view over the city Granada.

This was my third time in Granada and the first time I already went to this view point. There were many people because they were waiting for the moon eclipse. I didn’t care that much because many times you almost don’t see anything. My friend Antonio texted me and asked where we were. I told him and we met him at the end of the street of hippie shops. We went to a great restaurant which is called Los Manueles. We ordererd water and a mosto and got a free tapa which was meat. We also ordered a salad and a french tortilla with potatoes. It was all so delicious. After dinner we ate a delicious italian ice cream. It’s a typical place in Granada to get ice cream. I had a chocolate ice cream and my mother lemon. At 12 o’clock we said goodbye to my friend and went to our hotel. We packed our stuff that night to be ready for tomorrow and went to bed.

Fifth day – Saturday 28th of July

So, this was my last day in Granada with my mother. I’m always sad when travelling trips come to end. I’m already thinking of a new trip to the beach Santander and to go to a surf camp yeahhh ❤🏄. We got up and packed our things. We left the hotel at 12 o’clock in the morning which is always the check out time in hotels. We went to another bar which was close to our hotel. We ate a delicious breakfast. We were happy that we could leave our luggage in the hotel so that we could have time to go shopping without it. It’s much more comfortable. So, we went shopping till 2.30 in the afternoon, just less than two hours after breakfast. I wanted to go to the shop Alle-Hop and Sugar. I love those shops so much. They have a lot of awesome stuff and also stationery stuff which I love.

I’m going to share what I bought in my next blog post. I think you all will like the things I bought. We also went to a bar called Aliatar which was a bit difficult to find because everyone said another direction hahah. We bought bread with tortilla and jamon serrano (Spanish ham) for our trip back by bus to Valladolid. After shopping we went back to the hotel and they called a taxi for us because it’s much easier with all the luggage to go to the bus station of Granada. We had one hour at the station to relax and go to the bathroom. I hate to travel when I’ve my period and also the warm weather isn’t a great combination. That makes me even feel more dizzy and bad. My friend came 10 minutes before our bus was going to leave at 4 o’clock. We said goodbye and left Granada.

I’m really going to miss Andalucia. It’s such a beautiful region of Spain which has almost every day sunshine. I encourage anyone to go to Andalucia and visist Granada. There are more cities like Cordoba and Sevilla which I also want to visit in the future. All these cities have Arabic influences which is just so beautiful. I saw the movie Joy with Jennifer Lawrence in the bus and really enjoyed this movie. She’s one of my favourite actresses ever. We ate in the bus and relaxed. We were at 8.30 in the bus station of Madrid and bought again some empanadas with pisto and meat and some drinks. The bus left at 9.30 and at 00.00 we were in the bus station of Valladolid. We got a taxi to go home because at that time there aren’t busses anymore. Walking isn’t that much but we were really tired. It’s sad always how fast a holiday can go. Time always pass so fast when you are having fun 😂

Sometimes a city can make you feel so happy. Granada makes me so happy. I feel like I belong there. Like I have my roots there. This city was just made for a hippie and beach girl like me ❤ This was my third time in Granada and damn every time I go I fell even more in love with this beautiful and magical city 😍😍😍. Thank you Antonio and your family for everything. We had a great time together. I also loved the hotel Cedran. I encourage anyone who is planning to visit Granada to stay in this hotel. It was just €30 each night which is really cheap. The hotel is in the city centre which is just perfect. The room is nice, has airco and the staff is really friendly and gave some tips of what to visit and free maps of the city. My heart belongs to Andalucia forevah, viva Andalucia olé ✌🌊😍 See you next Summer! ♡♡♡

I hope this blog post wasn’t borring or way too long haha 😂. My Granada shopping haul will be in another blog post. I also made some polaroids and maybe I’m going to share them in another post. I hope you liked this post. Do you have ever been to Granada in Spain? Do you also like cities with Arabic influences? What do you think of my pictures? I would love to know your opinion in the comment section.

Much love 💕,

xoxo Christina