Month: Jan 2022

lonely nights

29 Jan 2022

its 3 am. i feel so alone… so lonely. tears are coming down on my cheek. depression is a monster which always seems to come back. i know im feeling bad again because i isolate myself and just have no motivation to do anything at all. when i sleep a lot or cant sleep well i know im doing bad again. ups and downs

i am always afraid of not achieving my dreams because i dont have the resources for it. i constantly need the love of others to not feel so alone. i know i have friends and family who love me but here im feeling like the most loneliest girl in the universe 🌜.

the thing is that the only one who experiences everything in life is yourself and thats the hardest part. no one is going to die or live for you. at the end we are all hopeless souls living alone in our own bodies. seeking company because we cant stand the fact that this is the truth

i just feel empty. all i want is a sign of the universe that says me im going to achieve my dreams. im looking for some online jobs but i dont get the responses i wish for. why are we not enough just because we exists? Why does our worth always have to be meassured by status, money, power and productivity?

we are worthy of existing without any reason. i think im also in some kind of existencial crisis because im reading The Midnight Library by Matt Haig. so many lives to live but which one is the best and how do i get there? its so difficult to know and choose. i feel that we are all so distant from nature. i really wanna live more with nature because we are nature and it teaches you anything

maybe i have to be even more in nature and see what happens. plant seeds. let it grow 🌱 only that way i can remind myself that all things in life needs to grow with patient, love, care and some water. nothing happens overnight. we are just living in a capitalistic society which only cares about money and power and doesnt care about La Pacha Mama

mother nature. the one who gives us life and teaches us everything. Mother Nature will always be stronger than any human being. im very blessed for that because humans destroy everything they find. when nature is angry it destroys too and its her damn right 🌍

I dont even know why i wrote all of this. the only place i can write this is on here. always. thank you for listening and supporting me. it means the world to me and all i want this year is to just be free, wild, have adventures and see my blogging friends. i really just want to plan trips and experience things. so let me know if you are up for a trip. i guess i need it in order to grow. the ones who are always there for me and who know me better than i know myself at times. the ones who have been there through my worst and my best. the ones i love the most. Love you so much 💖💖💖

TBR list 2022 📚💞💫

24 Jan 2022

Hey lovelies 💞🥰,

Welcome to a new year lol whatever 🤣 New year, new me. I hate that saying so much. New year, same shit better. Most of the time I wake up and don’t even know where I’m or which day it’s haha. I’m still living in the 90’s or better the 80’s ✌🪄🔮 Hippie life forever. I want to begin the new year with an awesome blog post which is a to be read list. I want to read more books this year but these are the most important ones for now.

Pillow thoughts – Courtney Peppernell

I saw this book randomly in Goodreads I think and thought wow I could really like it. I love to read and write poetry. I also think that these poems will be really emotional to read. I love how much words can make you feel. I also love to read books which are easy to read.

It ends with us – Colleen Hoover

I’m sooooo excited to buy this book!!! I can’t wait to read it because I have seen this book everywhere. It always catches my attention. The cover looks beautiful. The story is a heartbreaking love story. I’m so in for that. I think this book is very deep and emotional. Just what I need to get even more emo 🤣. I hope this book will touch my heart. It’s also a book about domestic abuse which is such an important and though subject. It’s important to speak up about it in order to take action.

Malibu rising – Taylor Jenkins Reid

I saw this cover and I was like in awe!! 😍 I think it would be such a nice Summer book. I can’t wait to read it on the beach 🌊. I also read that it’s about surfing too and I love to surf even though I’m still learning. That feeling of freedom in the ocean is the best one on earth. I also really love Summer books. Summer is my fav season evah 😍🌞💃 so anything related to it is good for me 🏄‍♀️✌.

Home body – Rupi Kaur

I got this amazing book for my birthday last year!! I loveee Rupi so much. She is the best 💞 I loved her other books too so I’m sure that this one will be amazing too. She writes so raw and describes her feeling and thoughts so perfectly. What I love the most is how she turns the most heartbreaking stuff like suffering depression in poetry. She went through it and got through it. I can relate so much to anything she writes. Her words conform me when I need them the most and bring me home every damn time I read them. Thank you for being you 💖.

Beautiful world, where are you? – Sally Rooney

This book is everywhere I go. I heard so many great reviews of the way Sally writes. This book seems amazing. I think it will be an easy and funny read. In Spain I was searching for this book but it was in Spanish and I wanted the English version. I read almost always in English. It’s also good for my English haha.

Where the crawdads sing – Della Owens

THE COVER IS BEYOND BEAUTIFUL 😍 PARADISEEEE 🌴🌞🌊. This book is one of the most important books to read this year. I already wanted to read it last year. It seems so amazing. I got this one from my bestie this Christmas. This book is about murder, nature and love. I can’t wait to read this AMAZING book!!!!!!!

They both die at the end – Adam Silvera

This book is about two teenage boys, Mateo and Rufus, who discover that they only have one day left to live. It seems like another emotional heartwrecking story. It also feels like I have to read it. I have seen this book in many to be read lists. Adam Silvera reminds us that there’s no life without death and no love without loss in this devastating yet uplifting story about two people whose lives change over the course of one unforgettable day.

Holding up the universe – Jennifer Niven

It’s a book about seeing and being seen. I bought this book after I read All the bright places which was one of the most amazing books I’ve ever read 🥺. I love the way Jennifer writes. It’s so touching. This book will also be such an amazing book. The beauty standards we have in our society are so wrong so this book is really needed.

Conversations with friends – Sally Rooney

I also have seen this book a lot and it just catches my attention all the time. I think it’s going to be such an amazing read. I can’t wait to read it. I heard Sally Roney is such an amazing writer so I can’t wait to read her books. Maybe I’m going to read this book first and afterwards other books of her.

Eat, pray & love – Elizabeth Gilbert

Every woman has to read this book once in her life 💞♀️. This story is so nice and beautiful and makes you want to leave everything behind to just enjoy your life to the fullest. Loving yourself and staying true to yourself will make you the most happiest person. I got this book for free from the free libraries which you can find on the streets in The Netherlands. I really like that so much. It’s a nice way to encourage people to read for free and to re-use books too. I have watched the movie ages ago and loved it. I’ve always loved to finally be able to read the book.

Thank you so much for reading this blog post. Which book have you read of this list and did you like it? Which book would you read? Do you have a book recommendation for me? Let me know lovelies. I will speak to you all in my next blog post.

Much love 💞,

xoxo Christina

Goodbye 2021, Hello 2022 💫💞🔮🪐❤🌍🎇

6 Jan 2022

We say goodbye to another year. This year was one of the worst years of my life in so many ways. I went through severe depression and lots of anxiety. I felt dead inside. On the top of everything I lost one of the most important people in my life: my daddy 💔😢. My beloved daddy which I miss so much. These days I was feeling anxious. The new year sometimes make me anxious. I took a moment to myself and took some deep breaths. And there it was.

I was crying. Feeling anxiety doesn’t always mean you are anxious. There is so much more to the emotions we feel. Behind those emotions there can be different feelings too. I was feeling anxious because I miss my daddy. It also reminded me that I will begin 2022 without my dad. That realization is hard. At the same time I’m happy to let this horrible year go 🧚‍♀️. I also learned a lot this year and for that I’m beyond grateful.

I will take that wisdom with me in 2022 💫🌟❤. I learned SO much about my life, myself and this world. I learned that we always have to say I love you to the people we love and never take them for granted. I learned that love is the only thing that saves us in this world. I met amazing people during my group therapy sessions. I learned that we are all one and all go through the same things in life just not at the same time. We all love, grief, cry, laugh and struggle. The biggest lesson I learned that I’ve always been enough. I’m loved and not alone. Being healthy is the most important thing. I also learned to embrace my authenticity and my vulnerable side. It will always be there.

A mental illness will not define your personality but the most important way to heal is to accept those dark parts of yourself. Life and this world changes all the time. It’s okay to let the darkness inside. It’s just important to know how you can put the light on so that you don’t stay for too long in the darkness.

This is also the reason why my debut poetry book is called “From darkness to light🕯.” I will publish it in 2022 and I can’t wait asdfghjkl. I was born a writer and that’s what I’m going to keep doing until the end of times. We all have a story and this is mine. Every year we add more lessons and wisdom to the story of our lives.

Let’s make 2022 a year full of adventure, honouring nature, love, health, peace, happiness, being fearless, and just being your most authentic self because you all deserve those good things in life ❤🌟💫🎉 2022 will be the year we come home to ourselves. Happy and healthy new year to you all!! Thank you for staying by my side. Also note I can’t tag everyone but you are all included!! Love you all xoxo